Determined To Succeed

Good Sunday morning, my friends.

OK. So I didn’t do bad at all eating yesterday. I had a 170-calorie Egg & Cheese Wake Up Wrap from Dunkin’ Donuts and a small (not medium) coffee with sugar for breakfast. For lunch I had a nice piece of chicken and small salad and for dinner I had a Wawa Italian hoagie (translation: I had an Italian sub from the best convenience store on the planet), some cheddar Sun Chips (in their new 100% compostable bag – awesome of them BTW) and ginger ales.

So I am starting today the same as yesterday but not as scattered as yesterday. I also did more of a circuit of the machines at the gym. I started doing leg lifts, then the leg resistance machine, then the weighted arm resistance machine and THEN I did the elliptical. Talk about shock. I was feeling a bit sweaty BEFORE I hit the elliptical but it was great.

Today it looks to be the same except I am talking weight today. I am talking weight with several different people. First, I am talking weight with the two other people profiled with yours truly in the March issue of SJ Magazine. Like the “Oz 100,” it’s so interesting to hear both the similarities and differences in other’s weight loss. Then, at 5:00 p.m. EST today I will be a guest on “Essentially Fit,” an internet radio show on BlogTalk Radio. The host, Wess Murray (who himself lost over 100 lbs.), will be interviewing me about weight loss and we’ll be talking tips and stuff. It should be fun, especially talking with people who collectively lost over an additional 330 pounds!

So all these things help keep me grounded again today. It may be snowing (AGAIN) in southern New Jersey but my day is bright. The “Battle of the Final Ten” looms in the distance but I am ready for it again today. Calories and pounds don’t take a day off and neither will I. And I know as you guys continue in your journey today you will do well, too. Hell, I resisted all the temptations of a soft pretzel from Auntie Anne’s Pretzels in the mall yesterday and the call of a Milky Way bar. See, I am human, too. I get those cravings, too. And even though it is the weekend and you may or may not check in with me I am still here for you. We are in this together. All of us.

I have faith in you.

Random thoughts on a Saturday morning.

I wish I had a model’s body sometimes. I know that’s a weird thing to say first thing on a Saturday morning but it’s how I feel today. More to the point I wish I had an Olympic  athlete’s body. They eat like maniacs and have bodies with like 2% body fat. OK, I know the reality is some people have fantastic metabolisms and some do not. Also, athletes work out all day, every day, and I do not. Hence, their 2% body fat. What does this mean? I need to get my ass to the gym and work out.

I wish I could eat foods like rice, potatoes and breads, or drink sodas, and NOT gain weight. I like each one of them with chicken and veggies but it’s always these that get me the most. Not only do I eat them my body holds onto them like a damn $20 Coach bag at the outlet malls. Sigh. I know throughout my weight loss journey I have discovered what foods work with my body and which don’t but sometimes – just sometimes – I wish my body would reverse itself and I could have that stuff. What does all this mean? I need to get my ass to the gym to work it off when I have them.

I wish my thighs weren’t so big. We all carry weight differently and my fat butt carries it around my middle and on my thighs. Going back to that first random thought – it’s not like I need big thighs to handle a big ski jump or half-pipe run. I’d just like to shave some off so I could look a bit more slender and not have to buy “relaxed fit” stuff. I also hate the way they jiggle. Like freaking Jello. What does this mean? I need to get my ass to the gym and do a workout.

I am done with freaking winter already. I know. I know. Says the Chicago boy who always protests about winters in New Jersey being NOTHING like winters in Chicago. While that is true (and it IS SO TRUE – winters in the Midwest are far harsher for both cold and snow) I am just done with the chill in my bones and the nip in the air. The overcast skies and glaciers of un-melted snow. I want to walk and exercise outside with the sun shining, birds singing and with a warm breeze in the air.  Phooey. So what does this mean? If I want to exercise and get my head out of the overcast clouds I need to get my ass to the gym.

Other random micro-thoughts: I miss my mom; I want to write a song; I should finish that script; I wish Blubrry/iTunes would get their act together and fix my podcasts on iTunes (grrrrrr), I need to clean the house and do laundry; I need coffee – bad; I still need to see a few of the Oscar nominees before next Sunday; I need to play the lottery; I will have that body I want; I need to do some shopping today…

…and what’s the perfect way to organize thoughts, even random ones?

Get my ass to the gym, get those endorphins going and make my mental weekend “to do” list.

Funny how even random thoughts aren’t so random after all.

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Here we are again at the threshold of another weekend which means for me mapping out my course for the weekend in terms of exercise and eating. Kind of like giving myself a mission so I stay on my track to do battle with the final ten pounds I need to lose.

And just because a bit of snow fell here doesn’t mean I’m staying on my bum and watching others exercise on the Olympics. No-sir-ee-bob. I sit at my computer writing today’s entry, sipping my coffee and looking outside at the latest dusting of snow I am invigorated and excited to begin my weekend mission, exercise and eat better.

Does that sound crazy? You betcha, but it’s true. There is a joy you get when you do work on yourself and do work for yourself. It is cool. You ARE on a mission. You ARE making YOU better. Kind of like the opening titles to the old “Six Million Dollar Man” show.

“Gentlemen. We can rebuild him. He have the technology. We have the ability to create the world’s first bionic fat man.” Then the classic TV theme music swells up and you see my fat butt running on a treadmill or doing the elliptical at the gym. Then the words appear on screen – “The Six Million Dollar Fat Man.”

Ok, I may not be as large as I was and I sure as heck do not have six million dollars but I do feel like a million bucks now after dropping that weight. That may sound cheesy but it’s real. And every pound you and I lose feels wonderful.

For many, this is the bitter end of a week filled with work, and deadlines, and reports, and meetings and…well, you get the picture. But for all of us on a weight loss journey it’s a time we not only catch up on life stuff (laundry, grocery shopping) but exercise, too. We simply must put ourselves first in today’s world and make ourselves at least as important as that next meeting we have to attend.

That is how we will make it. That’s how we will complete our mission to lose weight and keep it off. At least that’s how it works in my screwy little brain.  And next week I’m going to talk to a personal trainer to see what tips he can give me to tone up a bit and I will share them with you guys as well.

Until then, super heroes…good luck on your weight loss missions. They are not impossible (OK, I couldn’t resist). And I will check back in tomorrow morning, as I always do to let you know how things are going. I’m right there with ya.

Always. Now where in the heck did I put my 70s Steve Austin lunchbox…

You ever just have one of those days? One of those days you just wake up and “feel” you shouldn’t get out of bed? Yesterday was like that for me, tailor made for a pint of Haagen-Dazs strawberry ice-cream and an ice-cold bottle of Coke (well, two of them). I am so glad I worked out to help counter-act that bit of culinary indiscretion. It also helped I had a Lean Cuisine mac & cheese for lunch and healthier small soup and low-cal flatbread as my dinner.

But no matter how I slice it I didn’t eat well yesterday and I should have. Maybe then I wouldn’t have gained the pound my BFF electronic scale told me I did.

Grrrrrr. I know I will work it off but I need to be smarter. I don’t know why I stress eat but I do. It is one of my triggers. It is one of my downfalls. I use stress as a justification to put food/pop into my gullet and I shouldn’t. But I have been on my weight loss journey long enough now, though, to know what I can do about it.

Get right back up and get my ass to the gym to work out. Not eat badly today. Lay off the Coca-Cola. That’s what I will do. Thankfully I am still within my Battle of the Final Ten so I am OK there. But one of these days I will be reporting that I have conquered those final damn ten pounds and have gotten back to my goal weight.

Today is going to be better. I just know it. Like I’ve said and will always maintain – stumbling blocks will always happen on any weight loss journey. I am no exception. These stumbling blocks are as sure as death and taxes. But that’s OK. They are only in the mind and are only permanent of you make them so.

See, I have to give myself a pep-talk every now and then, too.

And before the day starts I just have to say a very sincere THANK YOU for following my journey with me. There are a lot of you out there who write me and it helps knowing you guys are out there, too, offering support to this all-too-human guy who struggles with weight just like you.

Being human is all I can be but there ain’t enough ice-cream in the world to ever make me want to give up that kind of support, and I hope I help you, too.

It is raining in southern New Jersey. A slow, steady rain that makes a day perfect for movie watching.

Going to the “show” as we called it was probably the top on the list of favorite things to do with my mom. On Sundays when I was a kid we’d get the Sunday paper, a couple of fresh sweet rolls from the bakery and her coffee and we’d read the paper. But while she read the news I’d flip to the entertainment/movie section to see what movies were going to open up that following Friday, read about the celebrities starring in them and see what the new posters looked like.

My mom started taking me to the movies when I was five years old. At least I think I was five because I knew I saw a couple of movies before “Star Wars” and I saw that when I was six. Hell, I not only went to the movies that young I saw crap no child should see. Stuff like “Jan Michael Vincent’s “White Line Fever,” and Diane Keaton’s and Richard Gere’s “Looking For Mr. Goodbar.” Those films were “Rated R” but my mom did something every parent should do…

…she told me “son, you know everything you see up there isn’t real.”

That simple sentence was all it took to take away the fear of horror flicks, the seeming brutality and reality of murder/thrillers and the danger of action movies. In other words, it was my mom wrapping me up in a security blanket of knowledge. That even though she surrendered me to the film for two hours she never stopped protecting me from what I saw on-screen. That was awesome and I will always love her for doing that.

But there was one time though that made me smile above all others going with my mom to the movies. It was summer of 1982, which was a decent year for films. We took the 6 Jeffrey Express bus downtown from Hyde Park and transferred to the 151 Sheridan and headed to Water Tower Place, Chicago’s signature downtown mall. Unlike most malls we’re used to this mall was built up (a necessity for any mall constructed in the middle of downtown Chicago). And nestled inside on the mezzanine level back by the Lord & Taylor and popcorn shop were the Water Tower Theaters (which, unfortunately, no longer exist).

That day I was so excited. We were going to see “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan” for the up-teenth time. You see, it was no longer playing at the theater across the street from us (my beloved Hyde Park Theater) so we had to go downtown to see it. The film (tied with the newest “Star Trek” as the best “Trek” film ever) was amazing and was over all too soon. But my mom, my beautiful, sweet and wonderfully sneaky mom said “Hey. Wanna see E.T.?”

I was confused, but I took my mom’s hand as she quietly led us into the theater about to show E.T. I was so scared. We were being so bad sneaking into a “free-ture” (free feature) but I didn’t care. My mom was at that moment the coolest mom, ever, and she was sneaking me in to see the biggest movie of all-time (at least in the days before we knew what the hell an “Avatar” was).

We watched E.T. (and yes, I cried) and it was awesome. I was having such a great movie day with my mom. And afterward, as we left the theater we walked by the teenage ushers, who I was convinced were going to throw us both in jail and throw away the key. But they did nothing. They said nothing. Hell, I don’t think they even noticed – or cared. And if they did, who cares.

The most important thing in the world was that I was with my mom, the person to whom I owe my love of movies. And while I never will be able to repay the wonderful feeling of that special day 28 years ago (God, has it been that long already), I hope she knows how much I think of her every time I go to my local multiplex…

…or stay home on a rainy day, curled up on the couch, watching my favorite movies.

Those are the best days ever.

All you can eat.

All of us have heard of that offer and most of us have taken advantage of it at one time or another taken advantage of it either at office parties, salad bars or restaurants like Old Country Buffet. I have friends who think buffets are great and others who think buffets are nasty and to be avoided at all costs. But no matter which way you slice your ninth dinner roll, “all you can eat” is one of the biggest problems facing our country today particularly in our fight against obesity.

My first experiences with “all you can eat” came when I was a kid. My mom used to take me to a small place in Hyde Park called the Cafe Enrico on 53rd Street. From what I remember it was pretty cool and being a kid I thought it was the pinnacle of fine dining. And on Friday nights this treasure from my childhood served an “all you can eat” fried perch dinner. Living without much money meant this was a wonderful option for us to not only eat out but also eat well, and we took full advantage of it.

Again…

…and again…

…and again.

I remember one time in particular when I got three helpings of that delicious deep-fried perch. Hell, I even think I pissed off the waitress at the time because I remember seeming annoyed she had to keep bringing me slices of this culinary delight.

As I grew older, “all you can eat” took on different forms. I loved (LOVED) my Chinese food “all you can eat” buffets. Oh My God, are you kidding? They are delicious to me. Deep-fried orange/spice chicken, rice, beef with peppers – yummy. I could eat all day. But most notably in my life was Old Country Buffet. My mom loved eating at Old Country Buffet for the exact reasons I loved eating at Cafe Enrico. If you have ever been to an OCB you know they serve lots (AND I DO MEAN LOTS) of foods that are not that healthy for you. But it was cheap and mom liked it (and so did I) so we ate there again…

…and again…

…and again.

As we have become the heaviest nation in the world I am reminded of the “endless bowl of soup” parable I heard while attending One Day University recently in New York. Amherst professor Catherine Sanderson told us about the study of people who were given a magic soup bowl which was rigged from the bottom to always fill with soup no matter how much the consumer ate. At the end it was found that people using this “endless bowl of soup” at  two- to three-times as much as people whose bowls were allowed to empty. This proves that not only the attractiveness of food but also portion size influences eating decisions in our country.

And in this economy I can’t say I completely blame us for wanting a “bigger bang” for our buck.

But you guys know as well as I do quantity does NOT equate to quality.And just because you can have three or four plates of crap doesn’t mean you are eating well. It just means that we, as a country, are eating to excess.

My mom always did the best for me she could and I know that. I actually feel horrible writing about these times with my mom going to Friday night “all you can eat” perch nights because they are treasured memories with my her (and some Pac-Man games were thrown in there, too). However,  it is part of why I became an obese child. I am sure that part of what drives families to places like Old Country Buffet on a regular basis is that want to provide food for the entire family but it is also part of what makes families and children in this country obese as well. But we need to stop. Eating so much is slowly killing us. We are sacrificing eating healthy for sheer size and that is wrong. I am living proof of it. Or should I say my high blood pressure, sleep apnea and aching joints were proof of it.

If I do eat “all you can eat” these days it is at a salad bar and I only have two helpings at most. Not just because I get fuller faster now but because I give my brain enough time to register that I have eaten and I am getting full. I make the conscious decision to walk away and not go for a third or, mom help me, fourth plate. And I know that making smarter choices like these equates to one thing…

…I know I will be living a much longer life.

Am I here to tell you never to eat “all you can eat” ever again? Certainly not. There will always be people in your life who love the Old Country Buffets of the world (I love you, mama). But if and when you can use the money you’d spend and go to a grocery store. But fruits and vegetables. Make meals at home. Create a yummy soup that could last for days. Put yourself at the top of your priority list instead of your wallet.

By doing that you’ll not only help your waist line (and our collective American waistline) but you’ll be able to enjoy life’s many wonderful foods for many more years to come.

You know something? Watching the Olympics sometimes pisses me off.

Why do you ask? Because I see them all thin and stuff, particularly Michael Phelps, and know they eat like monsters (some of them) while I eat the equivalent of a bean and I gain weight. Grrrr.

When he’s training Phelps eats a whopping 12,000 calories per day. PER DAY!!! Ok, OK. I know he wins gold medals and swims for like 12 hours but still. I eat a spoonful of mashed potatoes and it’s off to the gym for an hour to work it off.

So I think soon I’m gonna do the Rocky IV training montage so I can be in the next Winter Olympics, doing the one sport I know I can probably do…curling. Yeppers. You heard me. Bill Ivory Larson, curler. Or hurler. Or whatever you call ‘em. I’m gonna go out for it.I mean how hard could it be to basically do shuffleboard and bring home the gold?

Harder than you think.

A few years ago, when I was 400 pounds, I went to an open house at the Philadelphia Curling Club who holds open houses for people interested in being introduced to the sport of curling. It was mobbed but I finally had a chance to get my curl on and get on the ice and hurl a stone and sweep. Back then I thought it was the one sport fat people like me could do and still bring home an Olympic medal. But I was challenged, both physically and by the sport.

It ain’t easy bein’ cheesy sometimes, and it also ain’t easy having your body do the correct stance for delivering the stones. I may be nimble but it takes a lot to have the coodination necessary to accurately deliver a stone with the precision necessary to get close to the house (sorry, had to use correct curling terminology). Get the stone closed to the bullseye. It also takes tons of coordination to sweep which influences the stones direction and speed once delivered.

After that few minutes on the ice way back then I realized I needed continuing to lose weight. Not just because I had to if I ever wanted to seriously curl but for my health and longevity. And while curlers may not ever train or eat the way gold-medalist Michael Phelps does they do train hard to throw those hammers to win the gold. It ain’t as easy as it looks. If it were, fat asses like mine would do it.

But the Olympics are not about eating they are about sport. And while my dreams of eating what Michael Phelps eats and not gain weight are seriously put on hold, my dreams are not. Phelps works his ass off each and every day training and deserves each and every one of those calories. And you see my gold medal will come by achieving the one thing I have worked on for years and years with exercise, a healthier diet and determination…

…my gold medal goal weight.

A Blank Page.

That’s how it all begins. A clean slate. A nothingness staring back at you as you look at it almost willing something to write itself. It never does. It’s up to us to do that.

Did you guys see “Terminator 2: Judgment Day?” At the end of it a big deal is made about the future being like road travelled at night, where you head toward a destination without necessarily seeing the destination. Also, how the future is not set and that you make the future based on your actions now.

More on those things later.

I actually did much better this weekend in terms of eating. I am at 233.8, so a mere eight pounds above my target goal weight which makes me happy. I controlled the amount of food I ate, didn’t overload on other unnecessary stuff like pop (that’s a soda to you non-Midwesterners) or candy bars and exercised smarter (breaking up my usual routine by doing exercises on new machines).

As you guys start your week I want to tell you about a letter I received from someone yesterday who was down because of her weight.  She knows it’s the sheer quantity of what she eats that’s making her gain weight, however she can’t seem to stop eating so much. Like yours truly, she stress eats but can’t figure out how to stop. Almost like a pre-determined destiny. But I will tell you what I told her – and yes, it all goes back to “T2.”

The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves. I know in my heart weight loss and how I deal with it is what I make of it. I know that I determine my own weight loss destiny by being the one who decides what I put into my mouth, how much of it I consume and how much I exercise. My future isn’t set and neither is hers and I encouraged her to take some time and examine the reasons WHY she eats so much when stressed. And when she does eat to slow down and give the brain enough time to recognize the body is being fed. And finally, I suggested she print out a copy of the letter she wrote to me as motivation so she could physically see – on paper – her determination to succeed in weight loss.

So I start this week as we all do, as a blank slate. I have that live appearance today on Philadelphia’s CBS affiliate station, CBS3, at Noon Eastern Time.  I know I have mucho writing to do but nothing out of the ordinary. And like you guys I worry about the future. I always have to keep in mind, though, the food actions I take because they all have an effect on my body. Above all the food is the feeling I get knowing my waist size begins now with a 3 and not with a 5. That kind of s&%t keeps me going, man. It really does.

And I know my new friend will do it, too. How do I know this? Because I have faith in her. I have faith in the words she wrote me. The words on the page helping to keep her focused on her goal. The words that all started from feelings in her heart…

…and from her own blank page.

It’s hard sometimes to cut things in half.

Yesterday I attended a party and a pretty fun party at that. There were the usual drinks flowing and merriment to be had. There were also the usual bad finger foods lying around – fried appetizers, chips (with delicious dips) and cake.

Oh man, was there cake.

If you read my Determined To Succeed blog with any regularity (and I hope you do – hint hint) you know I eat anything I want. Even though some who have lost weight cut out certain foods completely I am not one of them. I eat whatever I want I just do so in moderation, choosing to eat “bad” foods as treats not everyday meals or snacks (at least I try to – I am human after all).

So I’m at this party having a couple drinks (gin and Seven-Up) and that’s when the urges hit me. “Go ahead. Have the appetizers, Bill. Eat all the dip you want…” Jeez! It didn’t help that my judgment was impaired which makes us all tend to eat things we really shouldn’t. Like “Yeah. That voice was right. It’s OK. Go ahead…”

That’s crap!!! And I know it!!!

It is really damn hard at times to keep your wits about you in social situations when it comes to food but I did it. I decided I was just gonna put half of what I would take normally onto my plate. Instead of four pigs-in-blankets I took two. Instead of having tons of chips and dip I took a few. And as for that cake, I had a very small piece.

Then I sat and let it settle. I gave it time to let my brain know I didn’t need anymore. And it worked. I was able to leave the party knowing I enjoyed it, and its foods, and still watched my weight OK.

Sometimes it’s bloody hard to be “good” when it comes to food. Food is a weakness for me. Always has been. But as I fight this Battle of the Final Ten I know it’s not tasty fried things I want to taste…

…it’s the sweet taste of weight loss success.