Determined To Succeed

Last night was an OK night but I have to admit I gave in to two of my kryptonite foods – beef fried rice and Coca-Cola. But I didn’t do it because I was weak (well, not totally). Actually I did it to celebrate. You see yesterday a photographer from the Philadelphia Inquirer came by to take a shot or two for an article that is going to run on the website in Monday’s paper (I will get you guys a link as soon as it does). That was pretty cool. Hopefully people will see my story and know they are not alone in this weight loss journey we are all doing.

This morning, after consuming said Chinese food and Coke (which I did watching the always awesome film “Purple Rain”), I am just up a half-pound. Not too bad actually. And I am going to be super good this weekend. Especially when I think about that photographer’s friend about whom I learned during the shoot.

I can’t tell you the friend’s name because she never said the name but she did share with me that the friend was struggling so hard with weight. She was having some severe joint pain. She has just been diagnosed with high blood pressure.  She was working out and lost weight but gained it back. Lots of emotional stress going on in her life.

Wow. Sound familiar? It sure as hell did to me. So I spent some time talking to my new photographer friend about my story and what I do to keep the weight off including the healthier fruit snacks I bought whenever I get an attack of the munchies (Clementines are the best). I told her how much I exercise and try to be good about eating. But that once in a while, as a treat, I do indulge (as I did last night) in Chinese food and Coca-Cola.

I also told the photographer I felt a kinship to this person and that I understand the emotional side of it all. Things like frustration, anger, shame and food addiction. I really do. Like a vicious circle it is, craving and eating food but being ashamed of actually eating it and how many pounds it can put on. How you hide in comfort zones. Man. So many similar feelings came up. Like wanting to scream because everyone thinks fat people are supposed to be jolly and happy which is a silly stereotype since everyone has real emotions and there were times that, while fat, I sure as hell wasn’t jolly. Not when you have to ask for seatbelt extenders on planes and feel like you have to apologize for being larger than the average bear.

But then things got lighter. I told the photographer about donating all my fat clothes so I had no way to go back. I told her about my new-found energy. I told her that I simply feel better. And when I was asked if people treat me differently I say yes, especially since I feel I am the same person I was when I was larger. I know my body has changed but my spirit, the thing that drives me, is still the same (kind of like the tagline for last year’s Vin Diesel movie “Fast & Furious” – New Model. Original Parts).

When we concluded the shoot I told the photographer friend to recommend my website to her. I just wanted her friend to know through my stories and this site she wasn’t alone in this. To love herself enough to put herself first and, through that, her weight loss goal would be achieved. I hope she takes me up on that.

To everyone out there you are doing a great job. Even if you are doing just a few sit-ups every day. That is more than what you were doing and that is great. If you are cutting back on soda and chips and walking, that is awesome. Keep it up. As for me I am getting my butt to the gym so I can work off that half-pound.

Not so that I can eat more beef fried rice and drink more Coke. But so that the feeling of celebration can continue throughout the coming weekend.