Determined To Succeed

Day sixty-eight.

So did you guys do it? Did you go to MSN.COM and answer the questions and use the “life expectancy calculator?” I hope you did because it sure as hell was an eye-opener for me. Just finding out I added almost 20 years to my life by losing weight was incredible. However, I also found out that I now have time added on to do some of the things I’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t because of my size. But more on that later…

It’s Friday and happy weekend. I am sitting here continuing my downward trend in weight loss and am at 237 even today. Woohoo. And that’s before my awesome mixed martial arts workout later this afternoon. But it is the weekend and you guys know I worry about over doing it with too much food and not enough exercise. I wish we could always stay the weight we want to achieve but, without hard work, we cannot. Sigh.

In less than two months I will hit the big 40! I so want to re-achieve my weight loss goal by then (and hopefully not add anymore weight in celebrating). There are also so many other things I want to do in life – like skydive – that I never would have been able to do had I not lost this weight. So I am compiling a list in my head of certain things I want to do which I will tell you guys about closer to my birthday. In the meantime, we have to tackle the here and now and that means the upcoming weekend.

I feel like an episode of “The Event” today, jumping all over the place in this blog which is weird and I’m sorry. I just feel a bit scattered today. I have lots of stuff to try to get done and they’re all on my mind. One of the things on my mind, though, was the movie I saw last night. I went to go see “Easy A,” which was both funny and cute (Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson steal the movie as Emma Stone’s parents, but that’s not why it’s on my mind). Seeing the movie’s on my mind because the theater itself had double-wide seats in its auditoriums. Now, I’m sure that the seats, which resembled a slightly smaller love seat or a swing bench in size, were not necessarily meant for people of size. It’s probably meant for couples who just want to get cozy watching a flick. But I couldn’t help but wonder if larger people use those seats because they are more comfortable. I know I would have back when I was 400.

Yep, back then, when I needed seatbelt extenders, chairs with no arms in restaurants, etc., I would have jumped at the chance to sit in one of those prime seats just to have the “wiggle room.” It would have made me comfortable and probably would have helped my arthritic knee be able to stretch by not being locked into the “L” position all crammed in watching something.

The downside to all that, though, would have been the corrosive comments made by other theater patrons seeing my 400-pound butt go for the “date seat.” So I asked myself last night “would it have been worth it?” The answer is yes and no. No, for obvious reasons like I never like being made fun of. Yes, because I would have been way more comfortable especially in a world where smaller seats (revenue generators that they are) seem to be the norm. Ironic these seats were in the auditorium showing a movie about a person who has to suffer the slings and arrows of society based on prejudices (O.K., that is a loose interpretation but work with me here).

When I left the movies last night I tried to leave the image of the date seat in the theater but I couldn’t. It’s hard to shake the past and even harder to NOT imagine myself as that 400 pound guy sometimes. So I said a slight, silent prayer for anyone who has to use those seats in the future. I hoped they would enjoy the movie in comfort and in peace free of the comments of close-minded assholes who always have to make comments about something or someone. I also thanked God I don’t have to now. Not because of the comments but because of what I mentioned at the beginning of today’s weekend blog. I now have so many more years added onto my life and the opportunities to do so many more things. That’s all.

I will always remember from where I came, especially on day sixty-eight of my sobriety. So many people use food amongst other things to numb pain and shame and I don’t ever want to do that again, especially because it could take years off my life and lead me right to that special seat at the theater. So as my birthday approaches I feel a sense of re-birth. I want 40 to be the best year of my life (so far) so I can do whatever I want to do…and sit wherever I want to sit no matter where I go…gray hairs and all.

Have a great weekend, everyone. Talk to you on Monday.