Determined To Succeed

I should know better than eating late.

It all started yesterday afternoon when I found out that I needed to track down some older “before” photos of me for a project I’m working on. So after recording and posting the most recent weight loss podcast, “Preparing Yourself for the Snow,” I had to dig deep into the archives and find older pictures of the much-heavier Bill.

It took me a while – a good couple of hours – but I found some. Boy did I find some. Yikes! It was actually very emotional. Not only was I taking a walk down memory lane with pictures of me being at (or maybe in some cases over) 400 lbs. but I also was finding absolutely priceless photos of my mom, JoAnn.

Seeing all these photos last night hit me like a ton of bricks. And what was my first instinct? “OK, let’s grab some Chinese food to help make it all feel better.” I hate that urge sometimes. Beef fried rice is SUCH a comfort food to me that my mind, like a tape recorder reversing and replaying, kept telling me over and over to get the fried rice.

Thank God I’ve written the past few days about realizing the WHYs of emotional eating. I finished up the photo search at roughly 8:45 and was really hungry. So I got in my car and had to keep the voices who kept screaming beef fried rice at bay. But I didn’t know what else to get. But then it hit me. Wawa Italian Hoagie.

I figured it like this – a freshly made small  sandwich, even with light mayo, was way healthier than my “usual” tub of fried rice. And even though I am an emotional eater and was very weak last night I resisted that urge to give in and had myself that hoagie (sub sandwich or grinder for everyone else in the US and abroad).

Did I compromise? Yes, a bit. I did have one Coke. Just one (I needed some small comfort). My dinner was delicious and I beat my craving for Chinese food. However, I didn’t end up eating until after 9:30 which is bad for two reasons – 1) you shouldn’t eat too late if you can help it as it doesn’t help the body burn the calories 2) it gives me really freaky dreams.

It’s slowly slipping away as I write this but I was in a huge house/arena and me (the fighter) had to go up against different competitors who had different skills. I remember saying to my handler “Please don’t let me get someone who knows swords.” Sure enough my next competitor’s specialty was swords. Before the “match” I woke up.

Weird? Yes. However I took it for what it was. That sword master/opponent was beef fried rice. My unnerving sense of not being able to beat it was that easy emotional temtation to be weak for the beef fried rice. Us not actually fighting was my victory over it. At least that time.

Man, do I need to stop eating so late. Waking up like I’ve just come from a field of battle is, well, tiring. I do my best to stay strong against food temptations. But I’m an emotional eater and a stress eater and I was having both yesterday.

I stay at 233.9 this morning and that is another victory. Hopefully I can get to a workout today to flush this dream out of my system to help me get to my lose 5 lbs. goal by next week. Until then, I’m gonna have dinner tonight earlier.

Much earlier.