Determined To Succeed

Hey there, my friends. When I woke up this morning  I had an uneasy feeling inside me. I guess the only way I could explain it is by using the old 70s TV show “The Incredible Hulk.” Inside of David Bruce Banner was a beast that, when angry, in pain or distress, etc., would come out as a defense mechanism to protect him from evil.

So I hit the gym today with that feeling of uneasiness, the feeling that my Beast needed to be fed somehow. But my Beast is different, a reverse of Banner’s.

In my weight loss journey my Beast is that evil demon telling me to eat. But it has changed. In the past I needed to literally feed my demons, my Beast, to keep it down. Locked away. Sated and happy. My Beast would come out when I was hurt or wounded by people’s words or actions and so it would come out and tell me to eat. Now, when the Beast rears its ugly head I feed it with my workouts. It may not like it that much but that is the “new” me.

This is an emotional time of year for me. With Christmas just a couple of days away my thoughts easily drift to my mom and how much I miss her. Up until the last week or so I shunned listening to holiday music (particularly on my birthday) but have gotten much more into the spirit of the season even singing along to my favorite Christmas and Hanukkah songs (yes, Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song Parts I & II” are hilarious). And this set of first holidays will be the heardest, I know. But I am doing my best to get through.

But still, the Beast stirs and wants to be fed. My emotions cause my Beast, my demons, to come out and they make me want to eat, and Eat and EAT! Literally feeding it. My Beast doesn’t protect me, it hurts me. So I push harder and harder to use their negative energy to fuel my workouts and make their energy positive, especially since I am at 237.5 today (I love my new Conair scale).

I then can surpress my Beast another day, or week, or month and know I am losing the weight I need to lose. And most importantly, not letting my Beast win. I won’t lie. It’s hard. My God, you guys know it’s hard. It’s the hardest thing we do some days. But like David Banner I can’t let the Beast get out. I will not let it control me.

It used to do that. But not anymore. Hell, I even resisted donuts yesterday when offered. And while I eat whatever I want (I did have some Chinese food last night for dinner) I pick and choose what I eat. My head wins out, and therefore, so does my body. Not my Beast. Not my demons.

Sometimes we have to lock those Beasts away and control them the best we can. Otherwise, if they run riot, we may never get them back in their cages and truly lose our way along the path to sustained weight loss.