Determined To Succeed

Day forty-three.

Happy Monday, everyone. So sorry this entry is on the late side today. My weekend was both good and bad. It was good because I am here and present and continue to be in sobriety (and yes, I did survive my Twinkie craving). The bad, I gained back two freaking pounds. Grrrrrr. So now I am back up to 240.5 and I do not approve one stinking bit! And you know what that means…my ass is so hitting the gym every day this week.

I also had a couple of really good twelve-step meetings Saturday and Sunday. I’ve said before how absolutely humbling they are because of others going through the same thing but yesterday’s meeting in particular struck a chord in me that I’d like to share.

In yesterday’s meeting we discussed the process of making amends to people. What struck me about this yesterday was that someone used a phrase I will keep with me the rest of my life. For in our quest to make things right with ourselves as we heal and to those we might have wronged, it is important to keep making “living amends,” meaning that no matter whether we are able to make amends directly or not (or if people even believe us or not) WE know we are on the right path and WE CONTINUE to be on our sober paths, leading good, sober and clean lives, taking care of keeping our side of the street clean of the filth that was there before.

That is so true no matter whether it is with weight loss or not. We so need to keep living the life we want to live to have the lives we want and, first and foremost, we as individuals must reconcile and forgive ourselves for wrongs done, too. When we do that we truly can begin making things right with the world even if there are parts of it that want no part in that healing. It is up to us to keep walking that path for us and no one else.

I say this about all addictions, really. No matter your drug of choice we need to forgive ourselves the past, make our self-amends and move on with today. Then, continue making those “living amends” so we never go back to being who or what we were before because we do deserve healing. And believe me, I know very well how much that applies to food, also. Using comfort food to numb things in my past got me to 400 pounds. But it’s also gotten me back to 240.5 and I need to be at 225. So what’s Bill gonna do about it? Workout, eat better and forgive himself, that’s what.

I know this isn’t an easy process. Hell, it’s far from it but we can make it and we will. I don’t know how many of you there are out there but even if only one person is reading or listening then all of this is worth it. It is worth it for the exact same reasons why a twelve-step meeting will take place even if there are only two people in the room – the group leader and someone else. Because someone is always there to understand what you’re going through and is there to support you in whatever recovery you are undertaking. That’s huge, especially knowing how hard kicking any addiction is.

I don’t have very much I want to share today except that, my friends. That you are not alone and to keep on even if it seems like you are alone because you are not alone. We stand together determined, which is why I chose the website name I chose. And don’t forget to forgive yourself. Put the past behind you and step forth onto a new path. It is scary but it is the best thing you can do for you, and you are the most important person in the world.