Determined To Succeed

Today’s blog is gonna be a fun two-parter – a “cliffhanger” of sorts, and I’m gonna have such fun writing it. Here we go…

Let’s take a trip in the way back machine to 1991. The biggest movie of the year was “Terminator 2: Judgment Day,” The song “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” by Bryan Adams, from the film “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves,” was the biggest song of the year (and coincidentally from the second-biggest film of the year) and Kentucky Fried Chicken announced it was officially changing its name to “KFC” because health-conscious consumers associated the word “fried” with “unhealthy” and “high cholesterol,” causing some of them to completely shun the “healthier” menu items available. The new title was designed to lure back customers with foods branded “better for you.”

Jump back to 2010. This same, seemingly more health-conscious restaurant chain, just a couple of weeks ago, introduced a “sandwich” that can only be described as ridiculous, at least, and reprehensible, at most. It’s called the “Double Down,” featuring (per the chain’s website) two thick and juicy boneless white meat chicken filets (Original Recipe® or Grilled), two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel’s Sauce. Again, using their words, it’s a product so meaty, there’s no room for a bun!

Ick!!!! You’ve gotta be kidding. This beast of a “sandwich” seems so disgusting, even in theory, I find it hard to believe any one would try it. But because I’m a curious sort I went to the KFC website and gathered the following nutritional information on this “thick and juicy” piece of crap-tastic “food:”

KFC Original Recipe® Double Down

• Serving Size (grams): 241
• Calories: 540
• Calories from fat: 290
• Total Fat (grams): 32
• Saturated Fat (grams): 10
• Trans Fat (grams): 0.5
• Cholesterol (mgs): 145
• Sodium (mgs): 1,380

KFC Grilled Double Down

• Serving Size (grams): 253
• Calories: 460
• Calories from fat: 210
• Total Fat (grams): 23
• Saturated Fat (grams): 9
• Trans Fat (grams): 0
• Cholesterol (mgs): 185
• Sodium (mgs): 1,430

As you can see, my friends, the supposedly “healthier” grilled version of this “sandwich” has more sodium and more cholesterol than its Original Recipe® counterpart. Now I grant you that’s probably because it is a slightly heavier sandwich overall (253 grams for the grilled versus 241 for Original Recipe®), but still!!!

Ah, but while KFC is undergoing it’s PR nightmare over its newest “creation,” let’s hop across the street to Wendy’s and check out some even more frightening “nutritional” information on its own monstrosity – the Triple “Baconator.” You remember that “burger,” right? Or has the thunder been stolen by the Colonel, whose probably rolling over in his grave at the thought his restaurants are serving this crap. Here is the list of ingredients for the Triple “Baconator:”

Baconator® Triple

3 – Ground Beef Hamburger Patties (seasoned with salt), 3 slices processed American Cheese, 9 (count ‘em, 9!) strips Applewood Smoked Bacon, Mayonnaise, “Ketchup” (actually Tomato Concentrate made in part with High Fructose Corn Syrup), Mustard, Dill Pickles (4), Onion (4 rings), Tomatoes, 1-2 slices, Lettuce and all served on a “Premium” Bun (I guess the regular bun just wasn’t up to the task they had to import premium buns). And if you though the sound of the ingredients was bad, get a load of the numbers – the actual amounts of calories, fat, sodium and more you’d put into your body having one of these things:

Wendy’s Triple “Baconator” (Get ready for this)

• Serving Size (grams): 424
• Calories: 1,350
• Calories from fat: 810
• Total Fat (grams): 90
• Saturated Fat (grams): 40
• Trans Fat (grams): 3.5
• Cholesterol (mgs): 320
• Sodium (mgs): 2,780

What does this mean? IT MEANS YOU COULD HAVE TWO KFC ORIGINAL RECIPE ® “DOUBLE DOWN” SANDWICHES FOR THE UNHEALTHY PRICE OF ONE WENDY’S TRIPLE “BACONATOR.”

Shocking, isn’t it? And people still wonder why our country’s population is growing by leaps and bounds (and not in a good way).

I went to my friends on Facebook and here’s what some of them had to say about the KFC “Double Down:”

Stacy W. “Even my teenage son, who will eat anything, thinks that thing looks nasty!”

Angelique B. “I thought it was an April Fool’s joke when it first came out. I can’t believe this is real.”

Michael L. “No need to waste the calories. One look and you can tell it’s poison. Yuk!”

Julia Lewis: “That is just plain gross. I will try just about any food once, but I don’t think I could even manage a bite of this abomination. Scratch that. I wouldn’t even let my dogs eat that.”

But with all that said, I’m gonna get one today. I’m gonna go to my local KFC, find out how many of them they sell in a day, buy one and photograph me trying it (and you wondered where the cliffhanger part was gonna come in). I am with you guys. This thing sound horrible, and you will find out tomorrow just how horrible as I “take one for the team.” But always remember a quote from “Star Wars,” this one from, appropriately enough, one of the crappy prequels – Episode 1.

Qui-Gon “There’s always a bigger fish.”

And with the Wendy’s Triple “Baconator” lurking out there under the PR radar, there is, indeed a bigger – and more deadly – fish.