Determined To Succeed

Sometimes I feel like such an addict. It starts with my thoughts wandering toward my addiction. I’m just going about my business and all of a sudden those thoughts start their evil takeover. How nice a small taste might be. Then, out of nowhere it goes from being just a thought to a powerful taste that begins in my mouth before running to and infecting my brain. When it gets there, it’s all over. That’s when my mind starts playing tricks on me, helping my conscious justify having my addiction and lying to me saying “if we just have this one it’ll be the last time.” The phrase “I can quit any time I want” comes to mind. It’s so bad sometimes I feel like dressing up in a trenchcoat, brimmed hat and sunglasses just to “score.”

Now I have been lucky in my life that my tastes, my addictions, do not run to illegal drugs, or alcohol or gambling. No, they run in a different direction. One that promises to thwart any weight loss journey if done to extremes – My friends, my name is Bill and I’m a Coca-holic.

I know I’ve spoken about this before but those of you who know me know I have this “thing” for ice-cold Coca-Cola. I don’t know what it is but I do and lately it has gotten so bad I think the Coke delivery people are wondering why they have to refill the Coke section of the local Wawa so much in my part of town.  And if I have one I get that rush of immediate satisfaction followed closely by “ok, I just want one more…”

See, I am an addict.

Don’t you guys get that craving for that one something? That “thing” of yours you can’t resist? Ice-cream, doughnuts, candy bars, potato chips, hot dogs or Chinese food (that’s another addiction of mine, too, but one that’s way more controllable since the Chinese food here isn’t as good as it is back home in Chicago). It doesn’t matter. EVERYONE has an addiction to some type of food. I can’t be alone in this. Am I?

And what makes it worse if that my addiction goes part-and-parcel with weight gain, and I have struggled so hard to keep this stupid weight off and will be working on that for the rest of my life.  I talk about driving “the gauntlet” all the time (Wendy’s little red-haired girl, McDonald’s clown, Burger King’s, well, king, and Kentucky Fried Chicken’s colonel), but nothing will stop me more in my tracks than a 20-ounce bottle of “the good stuff.”

Jeez! Thank God I don’t crave anything else addictive.

Yesterday was a good day. I didn’t have a single Coke and I feel fairly strong today that I will not have one, kind of like going through detox and coming out the other side clean and sober. Part of that is from that wonderful voice in my head saying there are a million reasons to do bad/dumb/unhealthy things. But everything is a choice and, at some point, you chose to move in a healthier direction. It’s not perfect, and if I fail today it doesn’t mean I’ll fail tomorrow.  I do just keep moving in a good direction while also trying not to eat crap, too. And I so try to ignore the cravings, the call of the impulse buy coolers next to the checkout counters. Yesterday I succeeded and I plan to succeed again today.

Yesterday I spoke of light bulbs going on in our head that help us deal with our weight issues. I talked about how mine went on and that’s when I decided to lose weight. But food addictions can easily knock those lights out again. We (and I) just have to find ways to control them, and I have to find ways to walk away from the Coke. Find a way to turn the light bulb back on by developing a new set of Coke-coping skills. That is a food person’s “rehab.” My Coke rehab.

Coke ain’t a bad thing, and I do try to have it, as well as my other favorite foods, in moderation. It’s just been getting bad lately, hence my weight gain. But the sun is out today and I feel “clean.” I like that “clean” feeling very much, as if the syrup is drained from my veins and blood is flowing strong and free again. My scale also showed me good news today and I so love that feeling, too.

And like any recovering addict I will just take this one day at a time. Oh great, now the theme song from the old 70’s TV show is running through my head. That’s enough to kill the taste for anything from anyone’s mouth.