Determined To Succeed

Last night I couldn’t get to sleep.

You know how you get when things weigh on your mind to the point where all that energy is what’s fueling you? Sort of like an old steam-powered train whose engineer is shoveling coals into the fire. Well, that’s what happened to me last night. I had been waiting for a piece of news all day…and waiting…and waiting…and waiting. And finally, when it was apparent it would never come my mind took over, threw more coals on the fire and kept us (my mind and me) up pretty late.

I know this is going to sound bad but much of why I was up had to do with Coke, also. Not to disparage the greatest soft drink (pop) in the whole world but not having it for the past few days – and subsequently having it all out of my system – meant that when I did have it yesterday all that caffeine and sugar got into my system adding more coals to my engine, heating it up and keeping the train moving.

I so wish I could figure out why I am an emotional eater/drinker. And before you start to worry not drinking in terms of booze. Drinking in terms of Coca-Cola. I wish I could figure out what triggers in the minds of big people like me makes food a viable option when it comes to those pesky demons that come for you – especially late, late into the night.

Hurmph.

If I could figure that out I’d be a rich, rich man. I’d also be back at my goal weight and then some by now. I’d not still be fighting the battle of the final ten over a year after my sweet mom died. I’d find it much easier to resist the liquid joy of an ice-cold Coke and not give in to it’s delicious yet empty calories. Oh, and if I could figure that one out I’d also figure out how to extract the unstoppable energy of a child (or find a way to activate that part of an adult brain) so I could add that to the mix. Then I’d be super-duper rich. Like Bill Gates or Warren Buffet rich. No more emotional eating combined with limitless energy? Shit. That would be awesome.

But as my man, Jules, in “Pulp Fiction” says “that shit ain’t the truth,” and there is no such thing as abundant adult energy and there is a such thing as emotional eating. And while I can’t just yet share with you guys the exact reason for this sort of morose weekend blog post please know I take this feeling for what it is – a set of rain clouds that have gathered up in my mind causing it to rain, just like it is today here in southern New Jersey. But like all rain, it will pass and the day will be sunny again (and hopefully not as freaking hot as it has been this past week – when 90 degrees is “cool,” look out).

As for my workout yesterday I did great. I did almost all of what my sensei taught me (although somehow the stretches seem to work better when doing them in class) and I worked up quite a sweat yesterday. And I plan to do the same today in the rescheduled class. Although working out with others is a new aspect of things so I hope I don’t embarrass myself too much in front of others.

Well, that’s all for now. Sorry it couldn’t be a bit more cheery but all will be revealed on Monday. Promise. Until then I will make sure I work out and NOT eat my weight in Chinese food, Milky Way bars and Cokes. After all, the good thing about staying up until all hours of the night thinking about stuff is that all the food places are closed.

See, in every cloud – even rainy ones – there is a silver lining.