Determined To Succeed

You guys ever hear the urban legend about a certain fast food establishment where presumably vermin eggs were found in its meat? Of course you have. Live long enough and you’ll hear all kinds of urban legends. Some are fun and cool. Some are scary and mean. Some are just plain gross, like the story about the fast food restaurant. However, when you tell crap like that to a somewhat gullible yet very nice guy (yours truly) and you find that he won’t eat there – FOR YEARS!!!!!

OK, I will admit now that it has been a few years since I personally dispelled that disgusting urban legend (and had food at said fast food establishment) but I still think about it every single time (not all the time, don’t worry) I go through its drive-thru. And that’s with an urban legend proven fake, false and untrue.

Then why do I still drink pop (what we Midwesterners call soda)?

I have been doing so well up until last night. You see I spent about twelve hours looking at this pretty light box you youngin’s call the computer and so my whole eating day was thrown off. I had lunch at four and dinner damn-near ten (which wasn’t healthy at all), but what I really feel bad about were the pops I drank last night. Yes, pops. Plural.. Ugh. I feel so bad, like an alcoholic who slipped back into a bar and ordered themselves a bottle to go.

If you follow this blog with any regularity (I sincerely hope you do and thank you) you know several things – 1) that I always liken eating certain foods, pop and treats to being an alcoholic craving these things, but that I never make light of a serious disease like true alcoholism. 2) that these things are my Kryptonite. They are my Achilles Heel. Ugh. They are my weak spot. And why? Because (in a voice that mocks myself like a spoiled brat) “they won’t hurt me. They’re liquid and will pass out of me.”

That’s horses&%t. I should know better. I should know better because I do crave the sweet taste of pop at night. I do. I don’t know what it is. Some people have to have a cigarette. Some people have to have a glass of wine. Some people have to have chocolate. Well, I “have to have” a soda. I guess because I haven’t had it in such a little while that the urge really hit me strong in the Wawa last night. I went in for copies of the newspaper and came out with three pops – a Canada Dry Ginger Ale, A&W Root Beer and a – wait for it – Coca-Cola.

WTF!? I know. I am shaking my own head at that one. And getting back to urban legends sometimes I think it would be easier if someone invented one about drinking pop. So I could stop. I’m a poet and didn’t know it (insert Peter Griffin laugh here). I would also never say to anyone to invent such a thing because the reality of soda is far worse than fiction.

We drink pop/soda because it tastes good, quenches our thirst, and tingles pleasantly on our tongues. We hope that even if pop/soda is not healthy, at least it won’t hurt. But the reality is that it can, and it will. Regular soda ingredients include phosphorus. Too much phosphorus in your body leads to a reduction in calcium and magnesium, which are vital for a normal heart rate, nerve and muscle function, blood clotting, good bones and teeth. It can lead to tooth loss, damage your gums, cause osteoarthritis in adults and bone fractures in adolescents.

Pop also includes caffeine, which is another easy way to lose calcium. Too little calcium can cause heart rhythm irregularities and severe anxiety in susceptible people. Withdrawal from caffeine includes headaches, fatigue, muscle pain and stiffness, nausea, vomiting, and depression. Women may suffer from increased PMS (premenstrual syndrome) symptoms.

Regular soda is also loaded – LOADED – with sugar, which has no redeeming nutritional value whatsoever except for a transient increase in energy followed by a crash. Too much sugar can cause obesity and tooth enamel damage because it impedes the ability of white blood cells to kill bacteria in the mouth (I think I just felt my tooth twinge a little from the dental work I just had done the other day).

And finally, sugar in pop often comes in the form of high fructose corn syrup (HFCS), which is suspected to have a multitude of deleterious effects on the body. HFCS can interfere with minerals that the heart needs for proper function. It can cause elevated blood cholesterol and contribute to blood clots, increase uric acid – a symptom of heart disease – contribute to the development of cancer and diabetes, raise phosphorus levels, and cause diarrhea and chronic mineral losses leading to premature aging of the skin. It also contributes to copper deficiency, which in turn can lead to anemia, soft bones, connective tissue defects, obesity, infertility, heart arrhythmias, high cholesterol, heart attacks, and even diabetes.

Who needs an urban legend when you have these facts. And we won’t even get into diet soda again.

You’ve heard me say recently I’ve weaned from soda and I have. Today I am fine. I just need to seriously curtail my urge to drink pop at night, like locking the wolfman up before he changes so that, when he does, he is contained in a safe four walls. Hmmmmm, I don’t think it will come to that. All I have to do is read what I just told you and the taste goes out of my mouth pretty effectively…

…much like it did for that fast food many years ago.