Determined To Succeed

Day Twenty-nine.

Good morning and happy Labor Day, my friends. It sounds weird to wish you a “happy” Labor Day but I guess I can, right?” I mean what started out as a way for President Grover Cleveland to help reconcile with the labor movement in 1894 has become for all of us a way to grab the breath of fresh air we need and re-inflate the sails of our lives. And much like the rest of America I was just about done when the weekend hit. My brain was trashed. I didn’t even know what to write about. I, too, needed a break. So that’s exactly what I did. I disconnected from this land of the virtual and reconnected with the actual and it felt good. Damn good, especially as I reclaim my soul and become a whole human being again.

There are two parts to re-inflation. First you have to plug the hole that’s letting out air then you set about taking big, deep breaths to help put wind back in your sails. It’s a two-part process and you can’t do one without the other and, for me, part of plugging that hole was to attend my twelve-step meeting on Saturday night. It was a particularly deep meeting, with the six of us (the number varies from week to week) discussing select steps of the twelve-step program in our fellowship. And I have to say, after hearing what’s going on in the lives of others, I know I truly am a lucky man.

One person in particular, I will call her Jane, spoke to the group about losing faith. She still believed in God but she had almost completely lost faith in both herself and in recovery. She laid out what she had done over the past week and described how, time after time, she gave in to her demons and questioned whether or not she could even stop taking her drugs or choice. She told the fellowship how she sat and cried not knowing how to break the cycle of her addictions (and she has multiple) and become a healthy human being again. She sat lost, truly lost, and you could see it in her face. We all could.

I know exactly how Jane feels. Everyone in that meeting knows how Jane feels, when your sails are so completely deflated and you are adrift in the open sea with no course set and no land in sight. You are scared of losing both your mind and soul to something (or somethings) that take you, piece by piece until all you have left is the shell of your body which you, yourself, can’t control. It’s a horrible feeling.

As I sat there listening and nodding my head in agreement to some of the things she was saying (hell, we all nodded) I felt damned lucky. Even with everything that’s happened in my life and even with everything I have done I feel lucky. I feel lucky that I have been given the chance to reclaim my soul. I feel lucky that I am here, present and accounted-for, again. I feel lucky that, unlike several others in the group, I am not currently fighting multiple addictions at the same time. I feel lucky that I am alive and can have the opportunity to be the good-for-something human being I always wanted to be.

There comes a moment that for me sums up why twelve-step meetings enlist faith. You must enlist faith because when the meetings are over you say good-bye to the others and walk out that door simultaneously hoping both they and you make it to the next meeting. Now only you can know what’s in your heart and mind which for me that means NEVER being the old me again and always striving to be healthy, but you wonder about the others, particularly those in deep, deep crisis. You want them to make it, or at least make it to the next meeting. You hope something plugs the holes in their lives so they can at least have the chance to gain back some wind and some momentum. But you don’t know. You never know, so you pray for them and pray they will be OK.

Those meetings are what I need so much to keep the holes in my life, mind, body and soul plugged so I can continue to have the wind at my back. Reconnecting with and enjoying life is what we all need, especially when facing and trying to climb what seems like a mountain our our own baggage. But it can be done. It will be done, at least it will by me.

Did I have way too much to eat this weekend, particularly yesterday at a BBQ? Yes (and yes, my weight went back up as a result), but it felt wonderful. Food has ten-times more taste, and I enjoyed it. And how did I enjoy it? Because I wasn’t being bandied about by the rocky waters of doubt and shame anymore. I was being carried toward a destination by the winds put back in my sails, winds that will carry me throughout the rest of my life.

You and I may have our weight loss issues in common, but always remember that you (and I) have more in common with others than you think. And you should thank your lucky stars if, on most days, you have wind in your sails to guide you through situations in your life. Food, weight loss, work, friends, relationships, etc., because someone somewhere might not. So treat that precious wind, that amazing breath of fresh air, as the gift that it is. For it is the gift of healing, of strength and, most of all, life.

I am a people watcher. I love sitting in coffee shops, restaurants and stores, or being at huge major events, and just watching people. You see all kinds whern you do, too. If I’m lucky I also get to hear people. It’s such an insight into what makes America tick. And on lucky occasions, like yesterday, I got to be out and about and heard people’s thoughts on weight and exercise.

Co-incidentally, both instances happened after I got coffee. I was just sitting, enjoying the absolutely beautiful pre-summer morning we were having in southern New Jersey when I heard two guys talking – two “guy guys.” They were taking about having packed on some extra “poundage” as they put it around their middles. One asked the other, “so, what are we gonna do about it?” The other replied, “I guess we better start exercising, right?”I almost chimed in and said “hey, it works. Good luck,” but that breaks the rules of people watchng. Kind of like the Prime Directive on the old “Star Trek” – observe but do not interfere.

The other instance was later in the afternoon. I was again getting coffee and enjoying the day when I heard one guy talking to a younger couple. They had all just received their respective coffee drinks and I overheard the guy say to the couple, “you guys aren’t heavy. I’m heavy and have been heavier.” He went on to describe how he’d lost over 50-pounds, which the couple remarked was great. Then, the woman in the couple asked the inevitable question – “so how did you do it?” – with that look in her eye like she’s waiting for the magic pill answer everyone else expects. The guy looked at them both and said “exercise. Totally exercise. That was the key. You can have all the diets you want in the world but you have to exercise.”

I almost stood up and applauded, but again remembered the “Prme Directive.” But both cases underscore the great need for, and seemingly growing understanding of, exercise in any weight loss journey. I mean I would not be where I am today, which is ever-so-slightly better than yesterday – 237.4 – without hitting the gym and trying to workout IN ADDITION TO trying to eat better.

When I step back for a moment and remember back to when I was 400 pounds I thought exercise was impossible. I though working out was something thin people did, partly to taunt us fat people – like saying “see, you all cant do what I’m doing. HA!” But that’s not the truth. The fact is I started out just trying to lose the first ten pounds by doing the only exercise I could do – walking. That simple increase in activity was enough to get me started and it was awesome. And throughout this journey I’ve met countless others out there who have all said the same thing – that exercise combined with diet is the way. And exercise isn’t just for the thin. It’s for any and everyone, children and adults alike. So if you are heavy do not be afraid or intimidated into not exercising. There is a brave new world out there for you if you wish to boldly go and find it.

I finished my coffee and left the coffee shop smiling a little bit to myself.  Even though I had to obey the “Prime Directive” it was great knowing more and more people are catching on to the “there is no magic pill” thing and that exercise is a huge component to weight loss. As I got into my car I started to even quote the old opening of “Star Trek,” this time changing it around a bit…

“Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Exercise…”

I know, I know. I am such a geek…

Sorry this was so late today but I was in a quandry.

I’m going to sound like an old fogie (is that even how it’s spelled?) but I don’t know how to relate to kids these days. Well, I do and I don’t. Last week you heard me talking about a website and technology conference I attended in New York and, while there, I got a wonderful idea to try to help kids who might have weight loss issues through information and resources on my website.

However, the more I delved into the “what” of it all (like what kind of content to have, etc.) I realized I don’t exactly know how to reach kids these days. When I was a fat kid it was the late 70s/early 80s. There were no such things as the following:

• Cell Phones (which kids seem to have younger and younger these days so no texting, mobile internet, etc.)
• iPods (hell, I thought I was king of the world with my first Sony Walkman personal radio)
• Personal Computers (I had a small electronic typewriter that got me through school – a typewriter!)
• Internet (and with it the extension of ways to get and absorb news and information)
• E-Mail (back then we actually wrote letters to each other and sent them in the mail, or snail mail as it’s called today, or passed notes)
• Cable TV (there wasn’t even a fourth Fox network back then. Just independent TV stations and the big three – CBS, NBC and ABC)
• Facebook and Twitter (progress back then was called a “party line,” expensive phone calls people could make to join 20 others to chat on the phone hosted by someone whose only job it was to keep you talking to get you to pay more per minute)

Amazing, isn’t it? Over the last 25-30 years technology has really improved. However, it has made the job of reaching people, especially kids, such a hard thing to do. The only way I can describe it is as practicing “lucky science.” Science because you have to do it so surgically since you can’t reach really large numbers of people using very few media anymore, and lucky because you never know what will resonate with people and take off like wild fire (as Twitter has the power to put information all over the world in a matter of minutes).

So how do I reach kids these days and let them know my simple story? That I was once a chubby kid, who was made fun of in school, and who had the same social problems they do these days because I was obese? How do I let them know I know how they feel when you can’t find age-appropriate clothes that fit, or have to find clothes less attractive or popular because they just aren’t in your size? How do I let kids know it’s normal to feel sad and depressed because you’re made fun of and are different, but also let them know it’s OK to talk about it and try to do something about it?

Jeez! I do sound like an old fogie FER SURE! LIKE TOTALLY! I sound like I’m waving my cane at some hot-rodders burning rubber down the street yelling at them as I wave my cane calling them “young whippersnappers.” But I’m not old (at least not yet) and I do very much remember what it’s like to be the fat kid. Plain and simple – it hurts. It hurts and at a time that is really solidifying who you’re going to become as an adult there are these pressures from family (in some cases), society-at-large, media (particularly fashion magazines geared towards teens) and friends to be this perfect being. And sometimes we are just not and we do not need anyone pointing out our flaws!

I guess it would be simple enough to tell kids this. In fact, it might make it easier for them to believe me when I tell them my personal fat kid story. I just know that America does have a childhood obesity epidemic on its hands, driven by lack of food education, support and economics. Well, I am going to do my best to help in any way I can. Not because I am saying all kids need to be thin or anything. But because it is all about health. Things like asthma and breathing problems (which I’ve had). High blood pressure (which I’ve had). And you could go on with juvenile diabetes, joint pain, etc. That is why I want to reach out. Because if I could go back in time and talk to me I would tell me it’s OK and to not eat so much McDonalds or ribs or fried foods. I’d also tell me the dangers of eating that much and how much I weighed at my heaviest and what problems it caused me. I’d tell me I understand what it’s like not having money to buy better foods and not have the proper resources to prepare them. I’d offer to help.

This is a crazy, mixed up and fast-paced world in which we live these days. But no matter what, kids need our help. And no matter how we reach them and tackle this problem of childhood obesity, we are helping them to become the same old fogies we are today. And I’d rather be an old fogie waving my cane around at young hot-rodders than dead in my 40s from a heart attack brought on by obesity.