Determined To Succeed

OK, my weight loss blog today is a little tangential. So please forgive me. I eventually do get to the point. I just need a little exposition to set up the story…

You guys know me well enough to know how much I love movies. You’re saying to yourself “gee. I never would have figured that out, Larson. You only show tons of posters and quote movies at least once a week.” Yeah, I know. But today there’s a quote I’m gonna use and it’s one I don’t wanna use.

“There’s something wrong.”

Even though it has many variations this phrase has been used countless times in movies to signal a shift in the momentum from bad to good, to herald something action-oriented coming, etc. Here are some examples that come to mind:

“There’s something wrong! They’re coming back down!” – said by the Huey Lewis-looking bad guy from the original “Die Hard” to baddie Hans Grueber played by the always awesome Alan Rickman.

“There’s something not right here. I feel cold…death.” – said by Luke Skywalker to Yoda in “The Empire Strikes Back” (yes, of course I had to throw in a Star Wars quote as there is one for everything).

“Sir, we have a serious problem. This freeway isn’t finished.” – SWAT guy to Joe Morton’s SWAT leader, Lt. McMahon, in “Speed.”

No matter who uses this phrase or its derivations something’s afoot and something’s out of place. Like the teeth in my mouth

Ugh. I think I told you guys a few days ago that I had my mouth worked on a bit by the dentist. Like a ten-year-old I had to get fillings (two of them, actually) in the bottom rear of my mouth on Wednesday. While it was quite fun having the lower right quadrant of my face numb for several hours my mouth and teeth felt like there’s “something wrong/not right/we have a serious problem.” I knew they beat my mouth up pretty good just getting the damn things in but sheesh! I knew I shouldn’t have felt any pain after a day or so.

Again, that was Wednesday/Thursday.

What does all this mean for yours truly? How does this tie in to weight loss and maintenance? Well…if I can’t see the dentist until Monday or so it looks like I am eating quite lightly this weekend. Not that I hadn’t planned on it anyway but I’m talking the kind of stuff that doesn’t require chewing. Soup, uh soup and possibly more soup. You know how it gets when your mouth hurts, you don’t wanna eat anything. Well, I am in that boat today.

Has this ever happened to you guys? This good news/bad news kind of thing? Good news is I KNOW I won’t eat as much this weekend. Bad news is my teeth and gums hurt causing me to not have much of an appetite. Grrrrr. I know we all look for the perfect appetite suppressant at one point or another on a weight loss journey but this is slightly ridiculous – no matter how weirdly positive it may affect my waistline.

So I may make that 233-pound weight goal after all by Monday, just not the way I planned. And why?

Because “There’s something wrong…” – Bill to the best readers, fans and friends in the world in the greatest movie of all time (no! Not “Avatar”)…real life.

Did you watch the Oscars last night? I know I did. It is my holiday. It is my Superbowl. It is my World Series. It is my Wimbledon, Daytona 500 and Masters all rolled into one golden eight-and-a-half pound statue made in my sweet home Chicago.

But I was sick yesterday and as I night wore on I regressed. Maybe I pushed myself too hard in staying up so late. I don’t know but for whatever reason this cold has embedded itself in my chest like “Alien” (although I wish I could cough it all out and finally feel better).

As I hunkered down on the sofa watching Hollywood’s big night I had a wonderful (and healthy) beef barley soup (soup IS good food, especially for the sick). In-between bowls I thought about these Oscars. Were there many surprises? Not in my book. I was involved in two Oscar pools and except for the documentary (short and long-form), animated short and the surprise of “Precious: Based on the novel ‘Push’ by Saphire” winning Best Adapted Screenplay and that weird, overbearing woman doing a Kanye and just taking over the damn microphone from the guy when Best Documentary Short was announced, I have to say the Oscars were very, very predictable this year.

How does this equate to food? Well, I started thinking about Oscar foods. No, not the kind made by a certain Wolfgang Puck for the various parties in La-La-Land. I mean the kinds of potluck dishes people can make next year for their own Oscar parties.

Let’s take some of the winners and turn them into yummy foods, desserts and drinks:

You could offer from “Inglorious Custards” a Christoph Meat-Baltz (I mean really. Who doesn’t love a good meatball as an appetizer or sandwich. There’s also “The Blind Side Dishes” dessert somewhere featuring “Candy” Bullock or from “Glazy Tarts,”  Jeff (potato) Ridges.

This one’s a tie. A toss up between “The Yo-Gurt Locker” or “The Hurt Meat Locker” (whether you go with a healthier dessert theme or an anti-pasta you can’t really blow this – HA!)

For those who are thirsty you could have “The Beery Kind (especially since Jeff Bridges was loaded most of the time in “Crazy Heart”) or plain old 7-”Up” (although that one’s almost too easy).

“The Young Pigtoria” (everything tastes better with bacon and maybe scallops wrapped in bacon would be a good way to honor this Oscar winner for Costume Design)

And finally, the biggest box-office champ of all-time – “AVATAR.” These might sound bad but you could try “Caviartar” (if your party is REALLY high-end and you like fish eggs on crackers from Russia), or if not a food you could post a sign on your bathroom calling it the “Lavatar” for the night (that one even made me chuckle a bit).

Whatever kind of event gets you going (NASCAR, golf, tennis, baseball or football), if you’re gonna have fattening foods at these things make them fun but remember to have them in moderation, planning for them both before the event and after. In the meantime we have another year of movies to see, places to go and snacks to eat.  Just try to cut back on the popcorn (it’s horrible for you) and sneak in your own healthier food instead.

Shhhhhh. Don’t tell ‘em I said that. Enjoy the movies.

It is raining in southern New Jersey. A slow, steady rain that makes a day perfect for movie watching.

Going to the “show” as we called it was probably the top on the list of favorite things to do with my mom. On Sundays when I was a kid we’d get the Sunday paper, a couple of fresh sweet rolls from the bakery and her coffee and we’d read the paper. But while she read the news I’d flip to the entertainment/movie section to see what movies were going to open up that following Friday, read about the celebrities starring in them and see what the new posters looked like.

My mom started taking me to the movies when I was five years old. At least I think I was five because I knew I saw a couple of movies before “Star Wars” and I saw that when I was six. Hell, I not only went to the movies that young I saw crap no child should see. Stuff like “Jan Michael Vincent’s “White Line Fever,” and Diane Keaton’s and Richard Gere’s “Looking For Mr. Goodbar.” Those films were “Rated R” but my mom did something every parent should do…

…she told me “son, you know everything you see up there isn’t real.”

That simple sentence was all it took to take away the fear of horror flicks, the seeming brutality and reality of murder/thrillers and the danger of action movies. In other words, it was my mom wrapping me up in a security blanket of knowledge. That even though she surrendered me to the film for two hours she never stopped protecting me from what I saw on-screen. That was awesome and I will always love her for doing that.

But there was one time though that made me smile above all others going with my mom to the movies. It was summer of 1982, which was a decent year for films. We took the 6 Jeffrey Express bus downtown from Hyde Park and transferred to the 151 Sheridan and headed to Water Tower Place, Chicago’s signature downtown mall. Unlike most malls we’re used to this mall was built up (a necessity for any mall constructed in the middle of downtown Chicago). And nestled inside on the mezzanine level back by the Lord & Taylor and popcorn shop were the Water Tower Theaters (which, unfortunately, no longer exist).

That day I was so excited. We were going to see “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan” for the up-teenth time. You see, it was no longer playing at the theater across the street from us (my beloved Hyde Park Theater) so we had to go downtown to see it. The film (tied with the newest “Star Trek” as the best “Trek” film ever) was amazing and was over all too soon. But my mom, my beautiful, sweet and wonderfully sneaky mom said “Hey. Wanna see E.T.?”

I was confused, but I took my mom’s hand as she quietly led us into the theater about to show E.T. I was so scared. We were being so bad sneaking into a “free-ture” (free feature) but I didn’t care. My mom was at that moment the coolest mom, ever, and she was sneaking me in to see the biggest movie of all-time (at least in the days before we knew what the hell an “Avatar” was).

We watched E.T. (and yes, I cried) and it was awesome. I was having such a great movie day with my mom. And afterward, as we left the theater we walked by the teenage ushers, who I was convinced were going to throw us both in jail and throw away the key. But they did nothing. They said nothing. Hell, I don’t think they even noticed – or cared. And if they did, who cares.

The most important thing in the world was that I was with my mom, the person to whom I owe my love of movies. And while I never will be able to repay the wonderful feeling of that special day 28 years ago (God, has it been that long already), I hope she knows how much I think of her every time I go to my local multiplex…

…or stay home on a rainy day, curled up on the couch, watching my favorite movies.

Those are the best days ever.

Hooray for Hollywood. Yesterday the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences announced their nominees for this year’s Academy Awards. As a huge movie fan this is my time of year. Some people love the Grammys. Some people love the Tonys. Some love the Golden Globes. And while I watch all of those I love the Oscars. And as such I try to at least see all the best picture nominees in any given year.

This year, the Academy went back to what it used to do and nominated ten films for Best Picture. Yikes! Don’t they know how much buttered popcorn, Raisinettes and Twizzler packs that amounts to? For a food-a-holic like me it can be a dangerous time especially when I have so many movies to see before this year’s award ceremony.

For example, last night I saw Kathryn Bigelow’s brilliant “The Hurt Locker.” And just like smoking can be a situational thing for some people when they go out with friends I always get the munchies when I watch movies. Usually I go for Twizzlers or Raisinettes. But on rare occasions I go for the most delicious movie food around – popcorn.

But hold onto your Avatars before you order another popcorn. Just one popcorn-and-soda combo can match the calorie-and-saturated-fat count of three McDonald’s Quarter Pounders and 12 pats of butter, according to the Center for Science in the Public Interest’s (CSPI) review of popcorn sold at three national movie chains.

According to Jayne Hurley, nutritionist for the Washington-based group, the high saturated fat count can be blamed on the coconut oil used to pop the corn at theaters run by Regal Entertainment Group and AMC Entertainment Inc., which have a combined 852 theaters nationwide.

CSPI found that the 20-cup tub of popcorn at Regal theaters packs 1,200 calories and 60 grams of saturated fat, which Hurley said accounts for three days worth of saturated fat. An 11-cup (small) bucket has 670 calories and 34 grams of saturated fat. And those numbers don’t account for the “buttery” topping, every tablespoon of which adds another 130 calories. A 16-cup bucket sold at AMC theaters (including the one right next door to yours truly in Cherry Hill) contains 1,030 calories and 57 grams of fat, according to CSPI.

A third theater chain, Texas-based Cinemark, had far lower saturated fat counts because they pop in heart-healthy canola oil. Seventeen-cup buckets at Cinemark have 910 calories and 4 grams of saturated fat.

OK, so let’s do some math. So far I have seen eight of the ten nominees for Best Picture (only need to see “An Education” and “A Serious Man”). If I had a medium-sized popcorn each time I saw one of those eight I packed on – get ready – 10,000 calories! 8,240 of which from the popcorn alone and 1,760 from all the buttery topping I get.

Let me put it to you another way – given my size and weight I should be eating roughly 2,000 calories a day. So those eight trips to the concession counter equals FIVE DAYS OF FOOD! Breakfast, lunch and dinner!

Look, I know I’m human and I will, from time to seriously occasional time, get the popcorn because it is good. But think seriously about these stats the next time you go. Also, think seriously about sneaking in your own healthier snacks which could be lower in calories and lower in fat.

I just want to make sure we are all around to see many more movies in years to come.

“AVATAR” – Two-and-a-Half Buckets of Popcorn out of Four

Oh man. When am I going to stop buying into the hype generated by Hollywood over films supposed to herald the next great age of filmmaking? I fell for it once with George Lucas’ “Star Wars: Episode One – The Phantom Menace,” a film that patted itself so heartedly on the back for its ground-breaking special effects but so lacked story I don’t care of I ever see it again.

And I am one of the biggest “Star Wars” fans I know (the original, non-Special Edition trilogy, please and thank you).

Now here comes James Cameron’s “Avatar,” a film that visually is everything “Phantom Menace” wanted to be but sits right along side it as a movie so devoid of real characterization, compassion and humanity I can say now that I’ve seen it I don’t ever need to see it again.

In the future a paraplegic marine veteran, Jake Sully (Sam Worthington), decides to take his deceased brother’s place on a mission to the distant world of Pandora is brought to Pandora, a planet inhabited by the Na’vi, a blue humanoid race with their own language and culture. Sully starts out as a military grunt whose mission it is to infiltrate the Na’vi to get them to relocate so that humans can get their hands on a precious material stupidly named “unobtanium”scattered throughout their rich woodland. However, after living among them, falling in love with one of them and learning of greedy corporate figurehead Parker Selfridge’s intentions of driving off the Na’vi by any means necessary including extermination, Jake decides to fight for the survival of not just the Na’vi but for Pandora, itself.

Sounds good, right? Meh. It is and it isn’t.

I place the blame for the film’s utter lack of heart on the film’s writer and director, James Cameron. As writer and director of some of the best futuristic/Action/Adventure films of all time (“Aliens,” “Terminator,” Terminator 2: Judgment Day,” “True Lies,” and “Titanic”) he should know better. He may have created a new reason to see films on a big screen (and this one should be seen on the biggest, best screen you can if you go) but the reason I will watch his other films any day of the week with no arm twisting what-so-ever is because at the center of the action lay human stories and characters we care about. In other words, better writing and less dependency on special effects.

This film is two hours and forty-two minutes long but I wanted twenty more minutes. I wanted my backstory to explain the following:

1)      What happened to the Earth that was so horrible we needed this “unobtanium” so badly we were willing to kill for it?

2)      What the hell happened to any renewable sources of energy like solar power, or even human-made nuclear power? And why weren’t those options?

3)      How long had we tried to diplomatically negotiate with the Na’vi for their “unobtanium” and why wasn’t that working? Was it because Pandora somehow “needed” it’s minerals (a detail mentioned but never fully explored in the film)?

4)      What is the backstory of this horrible “company” that wants “unobtanium” so bad?

5)      Why did this company hire mercenaries to carry out the raids on the Na’vi? Did world governments not want official military action?

6)      And if we didn’t give a rat’s ass about the Na’vi people why not just nuke ‘em from space (ala Hicks/Ripley from “Aliens”) and just take it afterward?

Grrrrrr.

There has to come a point in every movie that filmmakers allow you to get on the train. It helps you enjoy the movie more, explain the movie more and make you feel more a part of the story and experience. There was no way in “Avatar” to understand how we got to what we have to accept as the beginning of the film. Cameron doesn’t stop the train to let us on. Instead he just throws you into his special effects-laden story and expects the visual effects slight of hand to distract you from what is missing – an actual movie you care about.

Shame on you, James Cameron. You are a better writer and filmmaker than that.

When I was in line to see “Avatar” I decided to have some fun. I approached the young kid selling tickets I asked for “The Empire Strikes Back.” Instead of a smirk he actually looked it up in his system and said “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t see that movie here.” I asked him how old he was and he answered 17. Moreover, he had never heard of “The Empire Strikes Back.” I was so shocked I turned to the people in line behind me and shouted “He’s never heard of ‘The Empire Strikes Back!’”

The reason I’m relaying this tale is because I weep for this kid, and his and future generations of movie goers, who do not know the beauty of films like the original “Star Wars” trilogy, “Aliens,” etc., which told stories and made us care no matter how many guns were blazing. Hell, Sigourney Weaver, who is also in “Avatar,” was nominated for an Oscar for her performance in 1986’s “Aliens.” What breaks my heart is that the mediocrity that is “Avatar” is all this 17-year-old kid has, and he will think it’s great.

And he would be wrong.

“Avatar” is great to look at. But afterward the film leaves the mind just as easily as you leave the theater. And why? Because it never visited your heart.

Sam Worthington…Jake Sully

Zoe Saldana…Neytiri

Sigourney Weaver…Dr. Grace Augustine

Stephen Lang…Colonel Miles Quaritch

Michelle Rodriguez…Trudy Chacon

Giovanni Ribisi…Parker Selfridge

Joel Moore…Norm Spellman (as Joel David Moore)

CCH Pounder…Moat

Wes Studi…Eytukan

Laz Alonso…Tsu’tey

Dileep Rao…Dr. Max Patel

Matt Gerald…Corporal Lyle Wainfleet

MPAA: Rated PG-13 for intense epic battle sequences and warfare, sensuality, language and some smoking.

Runtime: 162 min