Determined To Succeed

Day eighty-five.

I do not know about many of you out there but I love Halloween. It’s cool to see kids dress up in way cooler costumes than I had growing up (although there was nothing wrong with my plastic Spider-Man, Batman or Darth Vader out-of-the-box costumes my mom bought). As an adult there are two things I love best about the holiday – the horror movies and the candy. Every movie from “Halloween” (still my favorite of all time) to “Wrong Turn” is fun to watch, especially this time of year. Scary movies are just awesome. They take you on such a wild ride for a couple of hours and its thrilling. Then, you get to buy candy. Lots of bags of candy to hand out to kids (although I have a motto – no costume, no candy). Yeah, Halloween candy, those sweet little innocent, bite-sized morsels (the ones we’re convinced have no calories because they’re so small) are like horror movies. They take you on a wonderful and delicious wild ride…that is until you come back down and reality hits you like a punch in the face.

Dudes, I got on the scale today and freaked out. I am up two-and-a-half pounds! I am at 241.3! Suck!!!!! I absolutely know it has to do with two things – eating waaaaaaaaay too much spaghetti and sauce yesterday for dinner and that damned Halloween candy, stupid little delicious bite-sized morsels of evil.

As I sit and watch the birds outside my window I am thankful for two things – stretchy elastic-waist pants and second chances. After dinner last night I put on a pair of sweatpants and it felt good. But that was simultaneously bad, especially since I tried on a pair of pants yesterday that should have fit but didn’t. Ugh! Whoever invented elastic waist pants ought to be rewarded and shot all at the same time. Curse them (she/he)! However, after a good hearty dinner I was comfy all curled up watching the afore-mentioned “Halloween” (the original 1978 version starring Jamie Lee Curtis and not the Rob Zombie remake – excuse me, re-imagining). It also was cool having a few of the leftover candy treats – as horrible as they are for you – because I am human and I will still eat what I want. I just didn’t think it would be that bad.

Again, curse them!

So I am am also happy for second chances again today. Since I have been healthier and happier these days I have been eating more. However, today is November 1 and I am gonna head to the gym today to sweat off these damned two-and-a-half pounds to get myself back on track. I also am gonna start keeping a food diary of my own to log what I eat until I get back to 225.  I am gonna make the most of the second chances on this bright new day.

Is today the end of the world? No. I know I will work off this weight (again!) and will do better. I just have to stop being as stupid as the people featured in those horror movies I love so very much. Their ability to stop running when they think the killer is dead, to drop the knife/gun/baseball bat/whatever when they think it’s safe, their ability to say “I’ll be right back. I’ll be O.K.” before going into a dark, closed-in space all by themselves where you know the killer is lurking, and more are all reasons there are sequels to horror movies. In other words, being stupid brings about a bad result, and I should keep that in mind especially around this time of year.

Halloween may be over for 2010, but unlike the freaking “Saw” movies I do not want to be in this place with my weight again next year, creating a weight loss sequel for myself that is scarier than this original.

PS: I had two pieces of lightly-buttered raisin toast for breakfast and will have a chicken dish tonight. Hopefully that plus my exercise will keep that stupid boogeyman away.

Day seventy-four.

I freaking hate this time of year in stores. Candy, candy EVERYWHERE! Chocolate, chocolate EVERYWHERE! It’s really hard enough as it is trying not to eat badly by going to the store and getting things to make at home (like my mac and cheese last night) but give a fat guy a break, will ya! I mean, damn. Halloween this and candy that. You just can’t get away from it.

When I was a kid I trick-or-treated just like every other kid out there lucky enough to be able to do so. My costumes were never elaborate, hand-sewn masterpieces of fabric and materials. No, my costumes were what they were – perfect for me and given to me by my mom, costumes made of plastic that you find in boxes, you know, the complete ones. Oh man, they were perfect. Spider-Man, Batman anything Star Wars…Halloween was a great time to be a kid…

…however as I approach 40 I realize how uncool Halloween can be for us adults. But more on that later.

I even remember the biggest “haul” I got. One Halloween I got what seemed like an endless supply of candy. It was amazing and my bag so heavy with chocolate, sugary sweets and treats. I had so much I even took some to school (and of course I shared some with my mom). That was awesome.

As I grew older and I went from receiving candy to buying it I realize how much temptation there is when I shop to just get and eat a whole bag of chocolaty goodness in one sitting. And why not, right? These bite-sized morsels don’t have any calories (they’re too small for that). Yeah, right! I wish.

I’ve always been straight-up with you guys about my eating and all my ups and downs in weight and eating. Well, this is no exception. I did buy myself a bag of Hershey’s miniatures (with almonds) and have been doling out rations to myself to make it last as long as I can. I could try to rationalize it by saying “well, at least I work out” but that would be horseshit. I do workout, yes, but that is not an excuse. I just love chocolate, and while I try to be good about having it there are times I give in to get “my fix.”

I’ve always told you guys I ate what I wanted along my weight loss journey and still continue to eat what I want (hence the delicious mac and cheese I made last night – not the healthiest thing I might add) but I will strive to be better. In less than two weeks the candy displays, commercials and ads will go away and make way for the images of Thanksgiving and turkey with all the trimmings (another danger zone for me). So until then I will do my best to steer clear of the candy aisle in the store.

I know today’s blog will be short but that’s OK. As us addicts say I just wanted to “get current” with you guys aqnd share a rant about candy being EVERYWHERE. EVERYWHERE, I tell you!!! Do you guys have the same problem? I know we are all in this together so I am hoping I am not alone in my cravings for chocolate-peanut butter, almond, gooey goodness.

Sigh. At least I am down 3 ounces. That is something today, I guess.

You guys remember Joan Rivers? Before she started doing those abysmal, tragically bad red carpet “interviews” and looking like the Joker in the Batman movies she used to be a half-way decent stand-up comedienne. I remember her bits from the early-to-mid-80s and one of her signature lines was: “can we talk here?” It didn’t matter about what she would talk after delivering that line, it was simply the tag line itself that made you feel a part of the in-crowd and in on the joke – the way a good joke should be. You were her friend and she was talking to you.

Over the past few days my weight has crept back up into the 238’s and it’s kind of bumming me out. I know I will re-lose the weight, it’s just that I want to re-reach 225lbs so bad I can – wait for it – taste it (hell, at least I keep my sense of humor about it all). And being in the 238’s I can feel my clothes get that-much tighter which only means I need to get that-much more diligent both in the gym and with eating.

With the weekend gone I did far better yesterday than Friday through Sunday. I had fruit, cheese and coffee for breakfast, a small helping of chicken for lunch and a sandwich for dinner. I also worked out yesterday, choosing to do more cardio to get myself back into the routine of exercise. And, my friends, today will be no different. I am back on track and I feel it thanks to a couple of wonderful reminders – the clementine oranges I love so much and springtime daffodils.

I can hear you guys now. “What the heck is he smoking? Daffodils and oranges? Jeez. This weight loss thing has really affected his brain today.” Well, while I cannot attest to how much of my brain is actually used on a daily basis (I was quite the under-achiever in school) I can assure you my brain has not gone the way of Julius Ceasar. At least not just yet. Let me explain…

For me, there are three reasons why clementine oranges are the perfect snack. One, the easy-to-peel and wonderfully sweet orange provides you with something on which to chew especially when you want that sensation of really munching on something (as opposed to yogurt). Two, it’s full of wonderful juice which quenches thirst and provides something sweet to “drink” especially when they are chilled in the fridge. Three, it’s seedless and portable, so you can take it anywhere and not worry about eating it. Just peel one and pop it into your mouth. We do that with candy bars so why not fruit?

Daffodils herald springtime. They are a beautiful and fragrant flowers and these small flowers are sometimes called in French “tete-a-tete” daffodils, or “head-to-head” daffodils. Why? Because if you look at them, I mean really look at them, they look like they are having a conversation, one leaning over to the other asking “can we talk here?”

I feel that way when I sit to write this weight loss blog. I feel like I’m talking with you. Talking with you guys is absolutely wonderful and what I need on some days to keep myself motivated on this weight loss journey. And you have no idea how much our talks help me to get back on track, reminding me to eat those delicious clementines and make the decisions to put down the bad snacks and embrace the good ones (this time, I will NOT make a “Star Wars” light side/dark side of the Force reference. Well, THIS TIME anyway).

Even if you think I’m loopy you’ve all heard the expression “taking time to smell the roses,” right? Well, today, take the time and smell some of the spring flowers blooming right about now. They, too, serve as wonderful reminders that we are all in this together, especially when we need that little extra push – that spark of positive energy – to keep us going forward when we’re bummed out about a few extra pounds here and there that we know, after a bit of time and attention, will be gone.