Determined To Succeed

Happy New Year, my friends, and happy day one-hundred-forty-nine.

I know I haven’t written in such a long while (two weeks to be exact) and I’m so sorry about that. The sad truth is I fell off the radar because I fell off the wagon a bit partially because I had to take it easy recouping from my diverticulosis (which meant not exercising as much) and partially because, well, I grew lazy and ate more than I should. I know better, I really do, but having my hospital stay take place over the holiday, with all of its foods and trappings, made even maintaining my weight a challenge. But I am happy to say that today I stepped on the scale and am down a pound-and-a-half from the last time I wrote (my weight today is 247.2) and I am ready to kick this new year’s ass in terms of getting back to my weight loss goal.

For those of you old enough to remember the original “Battlestar Galactica” TV show I remind myself of the Lorne Green voice-over during the opening to the show which told of how Commander Adama and his rag-tag fugitive fleet of refugee ships was trying to make it home to a shining planet known as Earth. I am also reminded of the old Japanese anime TV show called “Star Blazers” in which the protagonists are counting down the days they have because they only have a year to get back to Earth to defend it against some-such this or that (if I am remembering it correctly). In both cases, and I am sure many more, the good guys in those shows are always on the journey to reach something, whether that is a destination like Earth, a thing like a precious gem or trying to beat time. Well, my friends, on this fourth day of the year I feel I am doing all of the above.

I have been fighting this battle of the bulge all my life but trying to re-re-re-lose these last twenty (now twenty-two) pounds has been the goal since I regained that weight when my mom, JoAnn Larson, died. I have gotten to within a few pounds then it all seemed to go to hell. But just four days into the new year I am chucking my aspirations to lose that weight in with the rest of everyone who is looking at the new year for a chance to begin again. I will take that chance, thank you very much, and raise you many more things to do. let me explain…

…A while back I wrote you guys in this blog and told you all about a list of 40 things I wanted to do now that I reached the awesome age of 40, my 40/40 list. That’s right, I am embracing not only the fact I have turned 40 but that I am no longer wasting time. This year is only 4 days old and I have already knocked a couple of things off my list. O.K., they might be easier to do than others but it is something. So, here is my list (even though I’ve come up with 28 or so). I intend for them to be done from now until December 31, 2011. Here they are with more to come (as I think of them – it‘s hard to think of 40 things):

See, ain’t that cool? So far since turning 40 I’ve seen the Grand Canyon, I’ve seen those beautiful bald eagles in the wild and have shaved off my beard and mustache. It is wild seeing my entire face not covered by hair. Yikes! I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that. Most of all, though, I am resetting my gears to finally take that stupid twenty-two pounds off once and for all and get back to being 225. Not only is it on my list but it’s the one I will be working on the rest of my life. So after this, my friends, I am off to the gym to keep up the postive downward trend. We may only be four days into the new year but times-a-wasting, and I wish no longer to lose time doing what I should have been doing all along…taking care of myself and using the time I have on this earth to embrace life, not waste it. Have a wonderful first week back to the grind. I will write again soon and check back in. You all rock! PS: The photo of the bald eagle I took on New Year’s Day in Maryland. It’s awesome to see flocks of bald eagles. It truly is. As for seeing my face? Eh, not so much. I want my beard and mustache back

Day ninety-nine.

One of the things I remember growing up was my mom, JoAnn Larson, telling me there’d be new rules and regulations at home when she was displeased about something. It didn’t matter whether it was money, cleaning up, work, school for me, clothes…anything. If it needed fixin’ there were gonna be “new rules and regulations.” Well, at this point in my body’s life and my weight loss journey I need to state the same on two other fronts.

One, I am going to begin eating human portions again. I got to 225 eating what a normal, skinny guy would eat and it worked. I have the most success when I can put extraneous food(s) away and say “enough!” Like this mroning, I had a muffin for breakfast and ice water (see…not even coffee). I could have had another muffin but I didn’t. I am starting fresh to get my eating act together. I will also go workout today to help that along because I so feel like a hot air balloon today. Ugh. I feel so bloated. What a way to start the week. I am up a staggering three pounds in my weight (I’m at 242.8) and I am just puffy, bloated, fat and kind of grumpy about it. The good news is that I did get in a couple of really good workouts this weekend. The bad news continues to be my portion control. That is the problem. That, and snacking. Even though I have a wonderful, homemade trail mix of walnuts, Craisins and raisins, I eat way too much of it and drink waaaaaay too much Coke Zero. Sigh, and all that makes up the hot, heated air that makes my stomach inflate like…you guessed it…a balloon.

Two, after much thought, there are going to be some changes to my weight loss blog, Determined To Succeed, and its contents. Thanks to screwing up so much of my life over this past year I have wasted tons of time, time that I could have spent working on projects that are key and important to me. That means I am going to be cutting back on writing my blog to three times a week. It will still be regular (like metamucil) and I will continue to write the blog on Mondays, Wednesdays and probably Fridays (although that may change to Saturdays – we’ll see). This way I can devote more time, brain space, creativity and writing “umph” to those projects I mentioned. I must. It also means that certain sections of my website will be pared-down and/or eliminated. I just can’t keep up with them and know I won’t be able to regularly. I am so sorry about that but I want to give you the best blog and website possible. I don’t know which sections will stay or go (although MEMORIES OF MY MOTHER will remain definitely) but you will see soon. So if you see changes that is why.

I hope all of you who have followed my blog regularly will continue to follow me. If you follow me daily, thank you. If you follow me weekly and/or monthly, thank you. Thank you all. Please continue to do so. I will continue to write from the front lines of the battle of the bulge. I need to if only to keep myself current and accountable. I also hope my journey continues to help you guys too. I am just taking the time and energy I need to devote to some other things going on which you will learn about very soon (that, and the 40 or so things I plan to do for my 40th birthday).

All that being said it’s time to buckle down with our new rules and regulations. So if you are checking in today the next new blog will be Wednesday morning which by then will mean, hopefully, I have worked out like a fiend and have the chiseled body that inspired statues and countless works of art over the millenia. No? Well, at least have worked out and have eaten less so I can start that damned downward trend for the last bloody time. To win the battle of the bulge and not just fight it all the time. Have a great day everyone. Talk to you on Wednesday.

Day eighty-six.

Alrighty then. Let’s start today with a recap of yesterday…

…I was up to 241.3. I was grumpy about it. I wanted to workout. I was gonna eat better and lighter. I was gonna do a food journal again.

Of all of that here is what I did do…

…I ended up not working out because I spent way too much time setting up a new computer at home (stupid internet…I almost broke it again) but I did eat much better yesterday. I started with two slices of cinnamon toast with butter. Then for lunch I had one grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup (awesome for a chilly fall day AND the heaviest meal). For dinner I had one (just one) cajun chicken breast, couscous and broccoli. For snacks I had a banana and some homemade trail mix (walnuts, craisins, pumpkin seeds and raisins). I kept myself to one soda (a diet root beer) and just one large glass of orange juice. Not too shabby, actually given how I have been eating lately and today I’ve already had my toast with a small glass of o.j.

Today, I am down ever so slightly. I am at 241.1 (hell, it’s better being two ounces down than up) and I am looking forward to eating much lighter again today. I wish I could say I am going to eat like a bird but birds actually eat (or try to eat) a helluva lot in the course of a day compared to their body weight. So I will just say I will try to eat extremely lightly today and not eat like the little winged ones swooping in and out of view looking for yummy morsels of grub on this chilly Fall day.

It’s hard, though. With the change in season and change in temperature to eat lighter. I don’t know about you but when the temperatures drop I think of hearty soups and stews and heavier meals that stick to your ribs, not salads and things. I do, however, have to do my best to remember that Fall and Winter, especially are dangerous times for me when it comes to eating. Not because it triggers anything emotional, but because it activates that basic human need to store-up for the winter and to eat then hibernate like your average bear (or just curl up on the couch and become a potato).

Yeah, it’s hard but it has to be done. Ground is always gained and lost in the battle of the bulge and in weight loss but it can be won even during the colder months. We (and I) just have to stick to it and be much better about everything all around – eating and exercising. I need to do that every single day, not just today. And speaking of today it’s election day across the country and no matter whether you’re Republican or Democrat, liberal or conservative I encourage you to get out and vote.  This way you not only do your civic duty but it gets you up and out (if you have elections in your area) and gets you moving.

Last night “Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace” was on TV and even though the film is awful (yes, me, a huge Star Wars fan saying a Star Wars film is awful) there are bits that are cool, like when Palpatine says wityh utmost certainty “I will be chancelor.” Well, with the same conviction I say I will re-lose this weight. As sure as Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader, and eventually returned to the good side of the Force again, I will lose weight.

So until tomorrow, my friends. Stay strong and be well. We will make it. You’ll see.

Day sixty.

How cool and exciting is that?! For sixty days I have been sober and appreciating life and am facing, for the first time, not feeling fear about facing the past while looking forward to the future. It is awesome to finally (FINALLY) be proud of myself and to admit to people that I was ashamed of things in my past, things which led me down dark and twisty paths until I hit my rock bottom. But I am, with each and every day, striving always to be changed, better and a different man – one that my mom, JoAnn Larson, would be proud to say is her son. I love you, Ma! Very much.

I think she also might be proud that I stayed in the house last night to eat. Do you know how freaking tempting it is to eat out? Even when you have a fridge full of food it is so tempting to say “screw it, I’m gonna just go buy this or that or the other.” Never mind that, for just a little time and effort, you can eat not just well but very well and have some kick-ass dishes.

Take for example breakfast. Those of you who have followed me over almost the past year (and thank you so much for doing that) know I love McDonald’s breakfast sausage. Besides their french fries it is the reason to eat there. In my former 400-pound life I used to down a couple of Sausage McMuffin with Egg sandwiches, two of their addictive and crack-like hash browns while washing it down with a large Coke (yes, one that was ice-cold). That was my breakfast! Yes, I bought that every single day. I can’t tell you how much money I spent over the years doing that, either. A small fortune, I’m sure. Now, over these past few years I’ve all but stopped going to McDonald’s except for the every blue moon “O.K., it’s the only thing around and I’m hungry” and their new fruit smoothies (particularly the strawberry banana). But I cooked breakfast at home today. I got out a frying pan, two eggs, one turkey sausage pattie and a small amount of shredded mozzarella cheese, all of which I had in the fridge having already purchased these things at the store. In no time at all I had me my very own sausage, egg and cheese sandwich on wheat toast and it was yummy…

…and better prepared…

…and waaaaaaaaay cheaper.

Same thing goes for lunch. Yesterday, I had leftover meatloaf, mashed potatoes (real ones made from the mashing of whole potatoes) and greens. Was it easier to say “screw it, I don’t want this” and go out to get something? Yeppers, but I didn’t and the leftovers were good. Damn good, even. And again waaaaay cheaper.

The point I’m trying to make is that we need to make adjustments to our lifestyles if we are ever going to truly attack weight loss and fight the “battle of the bulge.” No matter whether food is your drug of choice or not we all have to stop acting out, especially if food is how you “self-medicate.” I know the temptations of eating out are great. Food prepared in flashy ways with great marketing campaigns is great, but nothing compared to the food you’ve had all along at home in your own fridge. Food, that with just a little time and effort, becomes the best banquet of all.

I know that changing a life ain’t easy. Believe me, I know several ways and times over, but it can be done as long as you have the heart to face whatever is truly making you “act out” in life.  When you do that, when you finally turn around and face whatever it is you’re running from, you will finally be free of it and the shame that makes you numb yourself. There is a wonderful world out there and it should be enjoyed. So go, enjoy it and appreciate it but always remember the best foods are the foods made at home with hard work, time and your own two hands.

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Hey there and happy Saturday, everyone.

I can’t believe it! I am actually in “O.K.” pain from yesterday’s second mixed martial arts session with martial arts and self-defense expert Doug Shaffer. When I say “O.K.” pain I mean I ache but only in the ways I’m supposed to. The kind of aches you have after using muscles you didn’t even know were there (like the freaking muscles I seem to have activated on the back of my armpits) and using them for the first time. Sure, my triceps hurt. They should. Sure, I feel as though my crotch has been stretched like Van Damme used to do. It should.  That is what this workout was and is meant to be. It is awesome (I always sweat within the first five minutes) and I am learning cool stuff (who knew I’d kick better with my left leg than my right?). I know I have homework from Sensei Doug and will report on that soon.

After martial arts I came back to my computer to sort of wrap up the day and I came across an older (from March 2009) and rather disturbing story about something I have LONG-suspected – that a great number of contestants who appear on “The Biggest Loser” gain their weight back – that they are basically set up to fail.

Now, before you go getting all “hey wait! You said you liked this show and it does inspire me” on me I will say, for the record that this is only my opinion and I, too, have been and continued to be inspired by the weight loss dreams of its contestants. I find the human stories of people fighting the “battle of the bulge” all over this country very moving and inspiring. I really do. However, the problem I have isn’t with that. It’s with the methods the show uses to get people to lose weight and how unrealistic it is given the real world we all face.

Just to recap what I’ve said before, I believe (again, only my humble opinion) that “The Biggest Loser” is unrealistic because of how the show sequesters people from the real world and puts them through an incredibly and rigorously intense two/three month fitness regimen to lose the weight we see on the show. In other words, of course you’d lose weight – it’s the only thing you have to do for that entire time. It’s your only job. That is what is unrealistic. When the real world comes creeping back in so do the pounds because you have neither people yelling at you to keep going nor the equipment at “the ranch.”

Again, this is just my opinion however it seems to be shared by two others – Kai Zwierstra, runner-up on “The Biggest Loser” Season Three, and Season winner, Erik Chopin. Not only does each one confirm what I suspected their stories are really the heartbreak of it all.

In a story that ran in the Anchorage Daily News, in reality stardom’s after-light, it seems getting skinny on national television didn’t melt away her problems. Instead, it magnified a volatile all-consuming cycle with food and exercise Zwierstra (who appeared on the show under her maiden name Kai Hibbard) doubts will ever go away. It caused her to lose weight in very desperate ways while on the show, including that final weigh-in night. It caused her to use Ex-Lax. It caused her to make herself throw up.  Please read the entirety of her story. It is absolutely eye-opening and part of what you don’t see when the cameras stop rolling (both on and off the set).

Then there is the story of Erik Chopin, who after losing 214 lbs. (he started off at 407) was crowned the winner of Biggest Loser season 3. But after the reality show was over and the trainers had gone home, the deli owner from West Islip, N.Y., slowly gained the weight back (he got back up to 368 lbs.).In January of this year, Erik became the subject of a Discovery Health documentary, “Confessions of a Reality Show Loser,” which chronicles his story and his new attempts to re-lose the weight and do it right.  He even went on Oprah to talk about his weight loss and re-gain.

In the article from Anchorage, “The Biggest Loser” executive producer Mark Koops said about half of the show’s contestants keep the weight off. Half! And, that counseling isn’t (ISN’T) part of the show’s plan. How can it not be when people, in a very short, intense amount of time, give up their normal lives, workout all day, lose a tremendous amount of weight then get thrust back into actual reality and are still expected to keep going. That’s crap and not realistic, or healthy.

Also from the article is a quote from Lynn Grefe, CEO of the National Eating Disorders Association. “Compulsive overeating is a disease,” she said, “with deep psychological roots. The show makes a spectacle of people’s pain. Can you imagine doing that with cancer — whose tumor is going to disappear faster?” she said. “My chemo versus your chemo?”

I guess what I am saying, and what I have always said is to take weight loss seriously enough to know there are no quick fixes or “magic pills.” And that shows like “The Biggest Loser,” while inspiring on some level, do have a reality to them you don’t see and you can’t take what you see on the screen as real reality.

It is television, after all.

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It always feels good to know there are others out there like you. It could be that you’re a certain height. Or have weight issues. Or like Kermit the Frog green. It doesn’t matter. We all want to feel connected and we all hate the feeling of being alone. Which is part of why yesterday’s 6ABC webchat about weight loss was so cool. It allowed three of us to tell the world-at-large “you are not alone.”

Here’s a short who’s-who of the other wonderful people I met yesterday. Tim, a businessman who flies often, used to top 500 pounds. Asa was 200 pounds. Asa and Tim (and yours truly) lost weight (Tim, over 250 pounds and Asa, 60) the time-tested way – by eating less and exercising more. (For more on our story you can watch the ABC Action News piece on the right side of this very page. Just click play)

As I sat yesterday answering questions and downed the sweet nectar that was my Dunkin’ Donuts coffee I knew I wanted to put fingers-to-keyboard and make today’s blog all about questions and answers. It’s also about not feeling so alone out there in the real world of weight loss challenges. Yesterday, I described the story I’d heard about a young man going through his own weight battles and challenges whose only 12-years-old.  His story touched my heart because I could totally relate to his personal experiences both in feeling fat but also suffering the barbs of other kids point that out on a constant basis.  But as we “fat kids” grow up some of us, like me, get worse and are always looking for answers and a sense of connection. Today (and every day) I hope to provide both.

It’s not often I get to take questions in real-time about weight loss. Usually I receive e-mails asking me the “hows,” whens,”and “whats” of weight loss but not in the fast and furious world of live TV or a live audience. Below are some of the questions we received yesterday and the answers we gave. I do hope they help.

My friends, welcome to Sunday and the first full day of Spring. The weekend winds down and the hours count down to yet another Monday. This has been the best weekend yet, weather-wise, and everyone (at least it seemed like everyone) was out and about enjoying the beautiful 70+-degree day. But for me, there was a shadow looming. A shadow that’s been following me around for days now that I can’t seem to shake (mmmmm, a shake sounds good. Doesn’t it?) And what was that shadow? That spectre looming?

“Snack Attacks,” that’s what.

I think I have done OK overall, both with exercise and eating. But while this was the best weather weekend it has been one of the worst for the “snack attacks.” It’s weird. I have had such cravings for snacks especially at night. I’ve craved chocolate (my precious Milky Way bars), soda (my ice-cold Coca-Colas) and, believe it or not, ice-cream (strawberry, please). I have to say I am sooooo glad I am following this meal plan because it made me go out and buy healthier snacks like Jello and pudding packs, string cheese and my darling clementine oranges. I’ve also snacked on yogurt as a nice compromise for ice-cream. If I didn’t have these in the house I would have gone straight to Wawa and gotten one or more of these, curled up on my couch and watched TV – a deadly combination.

Today I’m going to supplement my weight workouts with cardio as well as some weight training. That should keep my momentum going in terms of exercise. And during that I’m going to continue to try to curb my cravings for my old (and new) kryptonite. Grrrrrr.  As long as I keep telling myself I don’t need it my mind begins to believe it and I win that particular “battle of the bulge.”

Here’s how I did yesterday with my trainer-prescribed meal plan:

Meal 1 Oatmeal (I replaced this with my Kashi Warm Cinnamon cereal)

Meal 2 String Cheese and Yogurt (this I did have)

Meal 3 Lean Cuisine (while I didn’t have one for lunch I took the suggestion and had baked chicken with veggies)

Meal 4 Apple with Peanut Butter (OK, I cheated here a bit and had two egg rolls. I had a taste for Chinese food and instead of giving in full to the cravings for egg foo young or beef fried rice I had these. They did the trick)

Meal 5 Steak, String Beans and Salad (here is where I had a small salad with fat-free dressing, a spaghetti with meat sauce Lean Cuisine and two yogurts for dessert).

It’s so hard sometimes. When I stop for gas or, worse yet, go into the mall I’ve had to resist more and more the smells and sights of Auntie Anne’s, Godiva Chocolates, Cokes, the food courts…all of it. Damn! But here I stand able to say I did resist (for the most part) so I could continue my downward trend.

I will report to you guys tomorrow to let you know how I did today. Hopefully I can resist the draw of a warm pretzel and mustard, a Milky Way or that ever-taunting ice-cold Coca-Cola. In the meantime I’m going to enjoy as much of today as I can before the rain comes and the temperature dips and reminds us, yet again, that it’s not summer quite yet but beautiful springtime…

…no matter how many “snack attacks” lurk in the shadows.

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