Determined To Succeed

Day sixty-four.

Good Monday morning, my friends. Today is the day we nationally observe Columbus Day, a day which I hold highly suspect since we seem to celebrate a guy who “discovered” people who were already here, “discovery” of a land already discovered by Leif Ericson hundreds of years before, and his contributions to religious intolerance and the Middle Passage/Atlantic Slave Trade. I do not mean to offend anyone who truly believes the myths and stories of Christopher Columbus in a blog about weight loss, just trying to educate as much as I can just like I try to do in matters of weight loss.

All that being said, and with all due respect to all parties involved, I do have something of a taste for Italian food. I can’t tell you how much, over the last few weeks, I’ve had the itch for pizza. Dammit! I have been this/close to picking up the phone and ordering up a sausage, mushroom, green pepper and onion pizza (with extra cheese) and plopping down to watch a movie or two. I also have to say that this taste for Italian led me to absolutely devour a couple of healthy helpings of the sausage and peppers provided at a party I attended Saturday night. Yummy and tasty, but I ate waaaaaaay too much.

Luckily, a couple of things happened:

1) I didn’t give in to my taste for pizza (or for a regular ice-cold Coca-Cola, for that matter)

2) Even though I ate my way to a tummy ache this past weekend I still continued to lose a few more ounces, a powerful motivator, indeed.

So I am, indeed, in a quandry. I guess the best thing to do is to nuke a Lean Cuisine pizza and just have the best of both worlds. I know, it’s nowhere near the same as a good pizza but it would knock the taste for a good “piece-a-pizza” (as my mom, JoAnn, would say) out of my mouth…at least for a little while.Or, I could have a nice portion-controlled serving of pasta with a garlic (and sausage) marinara. Mmmmmm, that sounds good, too. But, dammit! There I go again. It’s not even 10:00 a.m. and I am already thinking about dinner. Oh, well.

I do have to take little victories where I can get them, though. Like getting through the past few weeks without having a regular Coke. That has been hard, but thanks to Coke Cherry Zero and Coke Zero (I can’t stand regular Diet Coke) I have satisfied the taste for a soda without the calories. Also, being down a total of another 6 ounces is a Godsend especially the way I ate this past weekend. Sheesh! It was like I lost my mind at that party – meatballs, sausage and peppers, taco dip (which was good since I made it), desserts – and had never eaten before. Thank God I ate well around that party and ate very well for dinner (London Broil and Butternut Squash rice) last night.

Now today is for working out and getting back to that routine. Yep, I’m putting on the gloves for a great “round” of boxing and doing some, if not most, of my mixed martial arts routine. That should be fun. Then it’s back to the grindstone of writing and trying to do my best to stay away from my own strong food cravings.

Which leads me back to my taste for Italian. I know all I have to do is exercise a little “Bill Power” and get over my craving for pizza, but I’m human and it’s hard to do that sometimes, especially living so close to an Italian restaurant where you can smell the garlic sometimes wafting through the air enticing you to just drop my for a bite. But I will control my cravings for a big bowl of pasta this or a few slices of pizza that. I have to or the only thing I will be “discovering” on Columbus Day is the fact that my waistline will start growing back out and I sure as hell don’t want that.

If you have a holiday have a good one and do yourself a favor and Google “Christopher Columbus.” You may or may not agree with the arguments for or against a holiday recognizing him but one thing would be certain…you would have probably opened your mind to new things and “discovered” something you never knew before.

Day twenty-five.

I am sitting here honestly not knowing what to write today. The past few days have been such a roller-coaster of emotions, feelings, thoughts and events that I just don’t have the quiet necessary to write something cohesive. Please forgive me for that. I know there are people out there who read me everyday (and thank you so much for that), but sometimes it’s hard to get the brain firing on all cylinders. I will do my best, though, and write several mini blog posts in this bigger blog post.

A mini-blog about weight:

I am down to 234.4 today, so down another half-pound or so and back into the battle of the final ten. This is after a period where I binged a bit too much and gained back about eight pounds or so. Addictions do that to you, ya know. They take your strength, time, money, sanity and even your soul. And for what? Distractions that are fleeting at best? Then you literally feed them with comfort foods that leave you with nothing but pounds.  Well, thanks to amazing support and some good therapy I am getting a handle on both and am controlling my eating again. Woo-fucking-hoo!!! By year’s end, maybe sooner, I will see that 225 on my scale again. You’ll see. I will get there.

A mini-blog about time:

Labor Day Weekend is upon us and I’m sitting here lamenting how much time I’ve pissed away in my life. We always say things like “I can’t believe it’s already ________,” and insert your choice of holiday, day or date here, but this time I cannot blame work or a hectic life on my loss of time. I am the only one responsible for wasting so much time in my life to my addictions, and now the year is three-quarters over and I have little to show for it. I wanted to be rich and well-into writing a book by now. Yeah, that didn’t happen. I wanted to be planning weight loss speaking engagements. Strike two. I should have been doing so much more than I have actually done but gave in to the addict in me. Sigh. Well, I am going to be making the utmost of the remaining three months of this year. I have a lot of time to make up for and I will be. You’ll see. I will get there.

A mini-blog about food:

This morning was a true test of my Bill Power. I had such a taste for a breakfast burrito from McDonald’s. I don’t know why that is but I did. Maybe I just needed protein to replenish myself, or maybe the thought of something hot and eggy/cheesy sounded good. But I held back and decided instead to just get my reduced-fat blueberry muffin and coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts. Man, since that binge of not-so-long ago I have really tried to ask myself “do I really need/want ______,” and fill in the blank with your comfort food of choice, with the answer almost always being “no, I don’t.” So I’ve passed up cravings for strawberry ice-cream, McDonald’s and even that delicious peach shake from Chick-Fil-A in favor of healthier drinks and meals. And lo and behold it’s working again. Gee, go figure…

A final mini-blog about the Labor Day holiday weekend:

Usually I take Saturdays and Sundays off to give my wee brain a rest from writing (and to give you a rest from my rantings about, well, stuff). But this weekend I am going to be taking advantage of the holiday and taking tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday off. It will be good to get out and take in some of the summer air (even though a hurricane is supposed to be hitting the Jersey coast sometime tomorrow), and things I have all but ignored over the summer so far. What will I do? I have no idea but that is a beautiful thing. All I know is I will be appreciating life, communing with my mom’s spirit a bit and being present. These days that’s all that matters.

And there you have it, a scatter-brained, roller coaster blog to start the holiday weekend off right (I guess). In going to therapy and going to twelve-step meetings I have done my absolute best to adhere to the steps themselves. They say in meetings to work the steps because they work if you work them, and I am doing that. I am trying so that a healing time can happen. I know I have done wrong in my life but it is time to heal and continue making myself a better man. That means taking care of myself, setting boundaries, keeping tabs on my weight, not wasting anymore time, thinking about comfort foods and being present to enjoy long, lazy weekends. I hope you guys can all do the same. Life is truly a precious gift and is way too short to waste it on the negative. Be well, my friends, and avoid eating too much comfort food like hot dogs and burgers (especially if you do get down). You’ll feel better soon. You’ll see. We will all get there soon.

Hey there. Hi there. Ho there. Although, I guess I shouldn’t say “ho there,” especially since I journey back to the Big Apple today to drop off some demo reels and stuff to agents and could very well pass a few while walking up and down the streets of Manhattan. You never know where they could be lurking (just kidding).

Yesterday, I had another awesome martial arts workout with my sensei, Doug Shaffer. We worked on my abs yesterday. Ugh! Man oh man, did they feel that yesterday! I did everything from crunches to some other kind of crunch, to a rolling-on-the-floor-on-your-back-to-keep-an-aggressor-in-your-sights kind of move – all designed to give you a better ab workout. And they did. And the stretches I did after the session helped keep the after effects to a minimum (actually, at this point I only feel it in one hip – not bad). But I absolutely love kicking and punching the bag. What a release!

Today’s test of Bill Power will come from resisting food in the City That Never Sleeps. You know me and my addiction/fascination with a particular Halal cart and its yummy-ass food. I know, I know. I said I would have whatever I wanted to eat on my weight loss journey but I was bad enough last week and am trying my best to re-re-re-re-lose my weight so I don’t need more rice, bread and Greek sauce gumming up my increasingly-better works. But the grilled chicken, on the other hand, might make for a great lunch. I will have to see.

I am excited to go to New York today. Above and beyond eating, today’s trip is me getting back on track after the disappointment of finding out I was not a finalist in the online Oprah thing. As I explained before, my emotional eating over that result was my way of controlling what I could in the situation, turning my sub into the path of the oncoming torpedoes so I didn’t get scuttled. And now I’m getting back out there to go live my dreams or go down trying. It will always be better to say you tried than saying you didn’t try at all, and that is for weight loss and anything in life.

I also have to tell you guys I have gone “cold turkey” on the Cokes, too. I knew I had to. They may be my one truest weakness but if those ab exercises are ever going to work to get me six-pack abs and not a 24-case of flabs then I need to lay off the drink. I have also been eating way better these last few days – chicken and other proteins, watching portions and drinking water. That combined with the exercises should get me back to the Battle of the Final Ten soon enough then on-track to re-reach that ultimate goal of 225.

Funny. There are times, like in the movie “Real Genius,” when a complete meltdown is exactly what you need to get yourself on the right path. It took me a couple of days and a few really bad meals to get back on track and say “enough of this! I’m gonna do this no matter what.” It may sound cheesy but it’s true. It’s true I tell ya.’

Today’s blog is going to be short and sweet (and admittedly disjointed – sorry about that) so I can get my ass on the road. And my workout today will consist of walking to four different offices in a big ass city that are probably miles apart when the blocks in-between are added up. But that is O.K., too. I planned it that way and walks can be very, very good for not just the body but the soul, as well.

So get up, everybody! Leave all that blah behind and seize your day! Make the most of it for yourself. Join me in taking a walk today to get back to it all. I may be in New York and you at work but take a walk, even if it’s one circuit around your office building. Or go walk your dogs and cats (saying “ho there” if you happen to see any – just kidding again) and remember no matter what is going on, if you fall off and have a bad eating or non-exercise day,  you will get back on track. And that, my friends, is what a journey is all about. I will fill you in tomorrow on all the fun and exciting happenings today.

Oh, and I better not get a damned parking ticket! As much as I work out these days, it’s those fines that really make me sore.

T.G.I.F.! Hey there, everyone and happy Friday! I hope you guys all make it through today to get to a fantastic weekend.

I received a phone call today from my sensei, martial arts and self-defense instructor Doug Shaffer, letting me know my class is being moved to tomorrow. Now, the average person would be like “woohoo, an extra day to rest!” But not me. Moving my class to tomorrow will truly be a challenge for me for two reasons – one, he is incorporating me into an actual mixed martial arts class with others. So there will be the challenge to just keep up and stuff. Two, because it will test my ability to carry his teachings into the gym with me today and give myself a workout. Yes. It will be a test of my own will – er, I mean Bill – power.

So far in my class I have done many things, everything from the tricep dips I love so much to “walking the line” (going up and down the length of the mat doing kicks and boxing – a real workout indeed). We’ve shadowboxed, used the bag and done floor exercises. And at the end of every hour I am sweating, and sweating a lot.

So that is what I am challenging myself with today, being able to do all of those things (well most of them since we do not have a heavy bag in the gym in which I work out) without – repeat WITHOUT – someone standing there saying “O.K., do this” or “now do that.” I will challenge myself to make it an hour. I have to or else there is no point to me doing this. I mean what if, one day, my classes ended. What then? I wouldn’t just stop. I wouldn’t want to stop.  I am trying hard to get my butt (and other parts) into shape and all of this is learning and putting that learning into practice.

Kind of like a Jedi Knight I keep mentioning by the name of Skywalker (Luke, that is. Not whiny boy Anakin). Luke did two things that I always keep thinking about. One, in between “The Empire Strikes Back” and “Return of the Jedi” he kept up with his training. After he left Yoda in “Empire” he continued so he could defeat Jabba, get Han back and prepare for his destiny – to be a Jedi Knight. Two, Luke also put that training to use, both mentally and physically, when it came to facing Darth Vader after Yoda died.

Sorry about that. This geek moment is brought to you by the letters “J” and “K,” and by the number 6.

I guess all of that “Star Wars” talk is just my geeky way of saying I am going to not only build on my teachings so far but also honor my own words from yesterday to make the most of the time I had allotted anyway. Life is short, my friends, and just because our workout buddies or instructors aren’t there doesn’t mean we should slack off. It’s up to us to give ourselves that workout because we are worth it, it makes us better, stronger and makes us live much longer.

So here is to sweat today, my friends, because we all should put forth our very best even, and especially, on Fridays. What better way to earn the weekend ahead.

What do I want? What Do I want?

How many times have we asked that very question to ourselves standing at the counter of our usual coffee shop or restaurant? That is the very question that usually starts my day when I am in line or going through the drive-thru getting my morning coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts.

Some people like Starbucks. Some like Seattle’s Best. In these parts (Southern New Jersey) some people choose Wawa (hey, don’t make fun of the name – Wawa kicks every other convenient store’s butt) my usual is a Dunkin’ Donuts medium hot coffee with extra cream and extra sugar (it’s bad I know but I like a little coffee with my sugar). But today was slightly different. I was feeling a bit hungry today. I wanted some breakfast-type thing, and the more people in front of me the more time I have to anticipate, test my taste buds and make a decision about what my coffee would be washing down.

So I started thinking about my usual Dunkin’ Donuts Egg & Cheese Wake Up Wrap. How tasty that simple (and not very calorie-filled) egg and cheese would be. But then the smells hit me and I became distracted by the smells of bacon, sausage and the oh-so tempting bagels passing by me. That got me all discombobulated and I had visions of a big ol’ sausage, egg and cheese sandwich on a croissant. “Ooh, that would be good,” I thought as I took one step/person closer to the counter.

Then, matters got worse. I then got a good look at all the freshly-made doughnuts behind the cashiers. There were jelly-filled, chocolate-covered and muffin delights by the dozen calling out like puppies or kittens saying “take me home, take me home.” Grrrrr. I love a good Boston Crème doughnut, too.

I got one person closer. It’s almost decision time. What will I have? The simple Egg & Cheese Wake Up Wrap didn’t seem enough just then but I knew I shouldn’t have the bulk, fat and calories of a full-on breakfast sandwich. What will I have? What will I have?

Then it’s my turn. I step up to the counter and greet the cashier who is now looking at me with that “hurry up and order, there’s a hundred people behind you” look in her eyes. It was then that I made my final decision.

“One medium hot coffee with extra cream and extra sugar please,” I said.

Knowing her inevitable response I sturdied myself – “Will there be anything else?”

My answer was simple but definite. “No, thank you.”

It took all my will power (or in my case Bill power) this morning to resist the temptations of those foods. While I know I will eat any and everything in moderation on my weight loss journey, today somehow felt different like if I had had that sausage-filled breakfast sandwich or bagel with extra cream cheese it would have led me down a slippery slope all weekend. And that was something I was definitely didn’t want to do.

So I took my coffee and thanked the cashier, who acknowledged my thanks in the same nod she gave the next patron asking for their order, and felt better. No, I felt lighter. For while the person in front of me and the person behind ordered a breakfast sandwich and bagel with cream cheese, respectively, I knew in my gut I had made a smarter food choice today.

So what did I end up having for breakfast? Fruit…

…and a nice cup of hot coffee with extra cream and extra sugar.