Determined To Succeed

Happy almost Christmas and day one-hundred-thirty-five, and I must say it’s a weird one.

Last night, actually extremely early this morning, I got up to watch the full lunar eclipse. We here in North America were lucky to be able to view the full lunar eclipse so I figured “what the hell,” it was was the last chance for those of us in the continental United States to see a total lunar ecllipse until 2014. It was gorgeous. The moon appeared a burnt orangish/red, although I didn’t catch any of the meteor shower that was supposed to have coincided with the eclipse (also rare because the eclipse happened on the same date as the 2010 winter solstice. The last lunar eclipse to happen on the day of the winter solstice was in 1638).

Why mention a celestial event on my weight loss blog? I have no idea. It’s just something I wanted to share with you guys because that event is what officially started my day. This event concluded a topsy-turvy and emotional weekend in which I heard about a friend of mine who also landed in the hospital, the birth of a child to a friend’s sister, finding a small keychain that was very, very similar to one I had been given by my mama many, many years ago that almost made me cry and a couple of other things that made my emotions go up-and-down. And kids, what do we all know about Bill? I am an emotional eater.

I have always told you I will come clean about my eating and weight ups-and-downs and I am doing just that. I ate poorly this past weekend. I ate way too much and my weight has suffered, although (thank God) not too badly. Hell, I even made a batch of (delicious) peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies (what was I thinking) and had some tortilla chips and queso watching the Chicago Bears sucessfully clinch their 2010/2011 playoff chances (awesome job, guys! Bear down, Chicago Bears! Make every play pave the way to victory…)

Sorry, got off track a bit. Where was I? Oh, yeah. My poor emotional eating this past weekend. Ugh. I feel heavy today. I didn’t sleep right (no duh since eating chips, queso and cookies) and I absolutely have to get back on track. I just admit I am a bit off. There are days I feel every minute of my newly-achieved 40 years (thanks to a daily dose of metamucil and iron pill) and there are days I feel youthful (and yes, I always will). It’s just a weird time and I need to NOT eat when those weird times happen. Eh, I just think the realities of life are just hitting me – that something seriously could have gone wrong for me in the hospital, that I am now 40, and yes, that I still miss my mother, JoAnn Larson, deeply.

So even though today is Tuesday I will start my week by trying my best to shake off this “blah” of mine, work out, eat better and get mentally fit. Gaining back a pound is not the end of the world (I am back up to 248.8 today) and I will be getting up and working out in just a bit. heck, I may even workout twice today. nah, that’s being a little too OCD about it all. And I should get out. Not only do I have to mail my Christmas cards I should get out and enjoy some fresh winter air.

Well, that’s my story today and I’m sticking to it. Me and my metamucil. maybe I would feel a spot better if it snowed a bit before Christmas. I always like when it snows just before or on Christmas. As long as I can stay away from the cookies I made I will be OK no matter what. Have a great day everyone. Talk to you tomorrow.

Day one-hundred-three.

It’s Friday and I am sitting at my desk contemplating things, and I guess when I say “contemplating” I really mean “worrying about” things. I am “contemplating” the weekend, Thanksgiving, my birthday, the holidays (Christmas) and New Year’s Eve – all of which have one thing in common, food. I know I am the master of my own destiny when it comes to food and crap but ’tis the season to be jolly and ’tis the season to eat. Eat. EAT!

I already have worries enough about weekends, those times where I know I will either eat more than I should, not workout as much as I should or both. I don’t know why I worry so much, either. I mean I will be working out, at least tomorrow (Saturday) and might have a go on Sunday, too, but in my mind it’s social time, I guess. Not to mention our weather is starting to get colder and our animalistic instincts take over so we eat to store up fat for the winter. Grrrrr. I will just have to stay good and keep repeating that to myself as I take deep breaths and head to the gym.

Then, coming this next week, is Thanksgiving, my favorite food holiday, and I know I will be weak for all the trimmings that turkey brings to the table. I will be – wait for it – gobbling it all up (insert moans for bad pun here) and I just have to take deep breaths and know two things: one, that no one is going to take that food from me and two, that I should eat my first plate slowly and wait to feel full before I possibly – POSSIBLY – go in for plate two. Again, deep DEEP breaths.

Following Thanksgiving (again, a moment of silence for what is sure to be the pound or two I gain) is my birthday, and not just any birthday – my 40th. The 19th anniversary of my 21st and I do plan to celebrate life. I just have to remember to take deep breaths before diving into any kind of food stuffs (although I am sure a drink or six might be involved somewhere along the line).

Finally, the holidays, Christmas and New Year’s Eve – more food, making merry and eating! Egads! No wonder so many of us make resolutions to lose weight in the new year. We simply just want to lose what we’ve gained over the holidays and the winter being all animalistic.

So, O.K. There it is, laid out before us like a road on a map I sure as hell don’t want to follow but have to. And it’s not that I dislike this time of year. I like it very, very much. I just am slowly – SLOWLY – creeping back down in my weight (I am at 240.8 today) and I don’t want that headway to be lost. That’s all. But foods of this time of year are so full of warm, comforty goodness. Dammit! What’s a fat guy like me to do?

Stop.

Close my eyes.

Take a deep breath.

That’s what I have to do and hopefully that breath will fill my mind with the fresh air it needs to think clearly and fill my tummy with goodness so I don’t just stuff my face.

First thing’s first…let’s get through this weekend. Deep breath time. Have a great weekend, everyone, and good luck.

Hey there and happy Monday. Did you all enjoy your holiday weekend? I hope you guys got a chance to re-juice the batteries a bit, at least. I know I did.

One thing that amazes me about the Fourth of July is how much holidays turn into food expos. Think about it (and we are putting Thanksgiving, Passover and Christmas aside for this), we make all our holidays – and “holidays” – about food in one way or another. It’s Memorial Day/Labor Day/Fourth of July? Let’s BBQ! It’s St. Patrick’s Day? Let’s eat corned beef and cabbage! It’s Cinco de Mayo? Let’s fiesta! Mother’s Day/Father’s Day? Let’s take ‘em out to brunch! It seems like eating’s all we do, especially in this country.

The grillin’ and eatin’ I did over this long 4th weekend wasn’t about “filler,” the meals you and I can have at cookouts (like a hot dog or hamburger, potato and macaroni salad) that fit in-between your “real” meals of lunch and dinner. No, it was about three things – eating things that were healthier (steak and chicken grilled not fried). It was about trying to be frugal (saving money by buying food to make instead of going to a restaurant to eat out). Finally, it was about staving off the urges to eat badly when going to do things over the holiday weekend (like attend fireworks and go to the movies).

Boy they know how to get ya’ going to the movies, don’t they? As soon as you open that big glass and steel door the smell of hot buttered popcorn hits you and it’s all over. You are almost helpless against it’s alluring aroma. As you then make your way over to the concession stand like a zombie you then see all the candy, Coke and other food treats that await your hard-earned money. But I always do my best these days to go to the movies on a full stomach so I can thwart their evil plan and just go be (hopefully) entertained for a few hours.

AMC Theaters even offered kick-ass coupons if you went to the movies yesterday (because typically it is one, if not THE, lowest attendance day in the movie biz all summer). You could get a popcorn and soda, any size, for a buck each. Awesome idea, awesome deal. But I did my best and ate a good breakfast before hitting the cinema (I like trying to sound British every now and then).

For the most part I did O.K., and I even had a sandwich from Wawa for dinner with milk (and alright, alright, a small bag of chips) just before fireworks. That helped me resist things like hot dogs, hamburgers, funnel cakes, sodas (pops).  And speaking of hot dogs, going to the movies made me miss the Nathan’s Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest (thank God).

Have any of you ever seen that, um, spectacle? People from literally all over the world (including one who just wanted to “crash” the event and compete without following the rules set forth by – get this – Major League Eating) compete to see who can down the most hot dogs (and buns) they can eat in ten minutes.  The winner, Joey “Jaws” Chestnut, took the “mustard belt” for the fourth year in a row, gulping down a whopping 54 dogs! 54! That’s approximately 16,038 calories!

In my crazy life I once served as judge to a hot dog eating contest and it is the grossest thing you ever want to see. These guys dip the whole hot dog and bun in water to shove it down their gullets and it’s nasty. The thought of wet bread makes me gag and if you ever want an appetite suppressant watch this thing once. Ick! It truly will kill whatever appetite you might have for hot dogs for quite a while (I think I just threw up a little in my mouth just thinking about it).

And while I know most of us – O.K. safe to say 99.9% of us – won’t shovel in hot dogs at a rate of one every 11 seconds (the rate the winner of the Nathan’s contest winner) I hope you did try to eat better this 4th of July. It is totally possible to still enjoy the sights, smells and tastes of the Fourth without eating too much bad stuff in the process. And that is truly a great way to celebrate freedom…

…freedom from the extra calories and unwanted pounds, that is.

P.S. – One food fest I miss, though (and is “worth the splurge”) is Taste of Chicago. Held the last week of June – July 4th(ish) it is a downtown Chicago street food festival like no other. Over 70 local Chicago-area restaurants set up shop and you can sample everything from alligator (yep, and I’ve tried that once in my life. ONCE!) to veggie platters. It is amazing! I do miss it, even though you sooooooo need to workout before and after because you will consume a lot of calories. I try to do it every few years, especially now that I’ve dropped weight. That’s all my poor body could handle. And they do have small “Taste” portions you can try so you don’t get a full order of something, which is good.

Hello my friends and welcome to Sunday, December 27th, which just happens to be the last day of Christmas weekend and the first weekend of Kwanzaa. With most of us back to work tomorrow today is the last day to fit in the last remaining things we have to do, especially getting ready for New Year’s Eve/Day, getting some after Christmas/Boxing Day bargain shopping in or cleaning up from the weekend.

Sure, there are plenty of things to do to take up time in a day but it is most important to make and take the time to do what we need to do for ourselves. So I’m going to ask you a simple but tough question. Ready? What have you done for yourself the past few days? I know we’ve all had wonderful foods (and in my case a wee-bit too much food), spent time with family, friends, co-workers, etc., but what have you done just for you to help yourself on your weight loss journey?

Did you get up the past couple of days to work out and exercise? Did you eat a bit less before, after or during? Did you tell people you’re trying to lose weight and stick to it? I really hope so because no one is going to take care of you but you, especially in this weight loss journey.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not coming down hard on anyone because, as I have stated in the past, I am human, too, and am just as guilty about not working out when I should, eating badly and too much, etc. I am just here to remind you today that in all that needs to be done you should take some time out for yourself, maybe an hour, to work on your weight loss journey because that’s important, too.

Every journey has a beginning, we all know that. And while we will be walking this path for the rest of our lives (eating better and exercising to maintain a goal weight) there is a goal we’re trying to reach. We must all do what we need to do to get there. That’s why I say to tell everyone of your incredible courage in starting your journey. For support, understanding and a nudge when you need one.

Sure, today may be the first sunny day we’ve had in southern New Jersey in quite a long time and a great day to get out and enjoy but the first thing on my “to do” list was to get up and exercise. Now I can enjoy the rest of my “to do” list and only think about what foods I should or should not eat all day instead of wondering when I could possibly fit in a workout, too.

We are all here for each other along this path we’re taking, and there will be many who join us along the way. Maybe you’ve encountered some people who you’ve inspired to lose weight (which is awesome). But always remember one simple thing…

…the steps you take today, or any day, will get you that-much-closer to your goal of weight loss and we are all on this path together. So add YOU to your “to do” list.

YOU should always be the first thing on that piece of paper, notepad or Blackberry/IPhone task manager. After all, you are the most important thing in the world.

For those uninitiated, today is Boxing Day in the U.K. So I am sending a huge shout out to all my friends, visitors and fans in the United Kingdom today! I had it in my mind to actually get up at 6:00 a.m. (or thereabouts), work out and then hit the stores looking for great discounts, deals and sales.

Um, yeah. That didn’t happen.

Instead, I woke up around 8:00 a.m. and listened to the sound of the rain outside (which is melting the last of last week’s two feet of snow). It is wonderful and very peaceful. Then I dragged my sorry and sagging butt out of bed, threw on clothes and headed to my gym.

Despite my lazy “get up and out of bed” mode I was quite excited to get back into the gym after indulging (maybe a bit too much) on wonderful holiday foods. “Eh. It’s O.K.,” I told myself as I did my four miles on the elliptical. “I will get rid of this extra weight,” I said as I did my 100 weighted tummy crunches. “I know I will,” as I did my 50 arm curls with dumbbells.

It was an awesome workout, one that I am proud of. And while I didn’t get the Boxing Day/day after Christmas sales I got something way better…time for me, dedicated and devoted to me to exercise and take care of myself and this weight loss journey.

You guys out there may be out shopping by now and will return to a wonderful RSS feed saying I’ve updated my blog (I hope so, anyway) so I hope you took and/or take some time out today from shopping to work on you. That is so very important on this journey we’re all on. It doesn’t matter if it’s a walk, an hour at the gym, sit-ups watching sports at home. DO that for you and you give yourself the best present of all this holiday season.

So now it’s time to hop in the shower and get out and explore what rolls of wrapping paper are left at the Container Store and see what logo tees are left at Old Navy.

That will be a workout in itself, I’m sure.

‘Twas the night (o.k.  day)  before Christmas, when all through the house

every creature was stirring, even the small mouse.

The snackings were laid out by the kitchen with care,

In hopes that visitors soon would be there.

I was nestled all snug on my couch

while visions of sugar-plums, cakes and turkey danced in my head – made me feel like a slouch.

So I got up and put on my workout clothes,

before the urge set in to settle in for a long winter’s nap.

When I reached the gym there was nary a clatter.

I looked around in disbelief to see what was the matter.

No one was working out, they took the holiday off

But with my favorite elliptical open, I knew not to scoff.

So off to it I flew like a flash,

To do my four miles before I had to dash.

Ah, the windows were alight with the sun’s bright glow

As I watched my machine’s TV (HLN) to see the presents highlighted on their morning show,

when, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles (or Flyers, or Sixers, or Phillies) his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!

To the weight machines! to the workout mats along the wall!

Now work out! work out! work out all!”

I always wondered how he kept so fit,

even in this season of eating, sometimes healthy, sometimes S&%t

After about half-an-hour, just like me they flew,

up to the gym-top and then I knew,

St. Nicholas had seen I was a good boy this year,

trying so hard to get my butt in gear.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I kept peddling, and was looking around,

St. Nicholas dropped a note all bound.

It said “Mr. Bill (oh, no!), you’ve been quite good this year

you conquer your weight loss demons with sometimes laughter, sometimes tears

but you stay true to your weight loss cause

just as my name is Santa Claus.

Keep up the good work and I will too,

And try not to eat too much of Mrs. Claus’ stew.

As this is the time of year we’re teased into thinking

that we’ll find comfort in the food and the drinking.

That is not so. You know it’s true

And as I am busy I take my leave of you.

In this next year of two-thousand ten

My wish for you and your friends is for a healthier yen.”

I then heard him spring to his sleigh and give his team a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

And at the end of my work out I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good weight loss fight.”

Well, here it is. The Monday before Christmas and I am stuck at 238. Bah (humbug).

I know.  It’s not that bad but still enough to make me feel like such a slouch going into the day when at least one large meal will be served.

That is funny. I actually almost said “…at least one large meal will be consumed.” See…that is how my mind works. I automatically default to thinking I HAVE to eat what is presented. And while it is glorious, very appreciated and wonderful I must be mindful of how much I consume. I (and we) do not HAVE to consume what’s in front of us. Take a bit, still eating what you want, but then wait 10-20 minutes to give your body a chance to “feel full.” I have to keep that in mind.

This morning I did my usual four miles on the elliptical, worked out with weights, did weighted sit-ups (I am doing those again to help flatten out my stomach) and my reward, the steam room. So I did good this morning. Now it is whether or not I will be a good little boy and STAY good when I eat the rest of the day.

That’s my constant dilemma. I worked out, burned about 500 calories so in my mind I have some room. Not so. This is a time when I need to re-commit to being good and not over-indulging. So that days like Christmas I can have ONE extra helping (not three), or a piece of dessert. Working out is not equivalent to a Christmas sale, where I take off so much calorically (like the discount they give you in stores) to get me to eat more (or in stores spend more).

I am constantly CONSTANTLY doing this in my head because it is a journey, and I stumble just like you guys do. But I have no “fat clothes” to fall back into (thank God) and I have no one to blame but me when my new, super nifty Conair scale is telling me I am still at 238. I also have to be good because Christmas meal or no Christmas meal, I should not be eating heavy at night. Instead, if the mood strikes I need to do a sit-up or six. Then have a piece of fruit.

So with Four days and counting I am counting my intake, too. I should. Because the best Christmas present I can give myself would be to get back to 235 by Christmas Day and maybe, MAYBE, 232, by New Year’s Day.

I will leave the sales in stores and the burned-off calories in the gym. Just because we can do things (like eat) doesn’t mean we should. It is then that we learn the true meaning of Chri…sorry…the true meaning of this, our weight loss journey.

Hey there, my friends. How is everyone on this Monday morning? Well, I hope. You must be asking yourself “Why is he so chipper?” Well, I just got back from working out and an egg and cheese wrap for breakfast. It was tasty and a good protein way to start my day. I have found that working out in the morning helps increase my activity during the day (and yes, gets it out of the way). As of today I am also within three pounds of re-reaching my goal weight of 225lbs and I am so happy.

But that is not why I am writing today.

I am writing to everyone today to let you guys know about a bit of holiday healing I did over the weekend. And it was all due to the snow that fell in the east on Saturday afternoon/evening. As I sat in the late afternoon watching the sky turn a beautiful, muted blue the snow was coming down in huge flakes. Neighbors of mine came out and were catching the flakes on their tongues. A neighbor dog ran and played (before it got a bit too cold). It was beautiful and just what I needed to help begin snapping the holiday funk I’ve been in.

Most of you know I lost my mom almost six months ago. When you lose someone time loses meaning. It has no definition. One minute it feels like an eternity has passed, the next minute it feels like yesterday. I have the coincidence of four major events in a row – Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas and my mom’s birthday – one right after the other. And during this time of year there is nothing like the sound of my mom’s voice saying “happy birthday, son” or just shootin’ the bull during the holiday season when the weather outside turns frightful.

The snow on Saturday helped me to “feel” the holidays for the first time this year. It reminded me to enjoy the season and its beauty. Like many people, there are days when all I want to do is hide. Crawl away and let the world pass by, like a train at the station. I don’t want to follow through the day’s routines, and I certainly don’t want to exercise or even deal with people. There are sooooooo many times when my couch comes a callin’ and it’s an irresistible call – especially when some good distracting TV is on.

My mom’s passing has been hard, as it is for all those who lose loved ones and have to “celebrate” the first holiday season, birthday, anniversary, etc. without them. I do my best to not let that funk get me down but it does. I am human. And when I get funky I tend to eat. But something happened last weekend. I didn’t overeat. I thought about not letting cancer beat me and my mom twice and I didn’t order Chinese food. I went to exercise yesterday morning.

I know that this is hard some days. Believe me, exercising and cutting back on certain foods is the pits especially when you’re blue. But know in your hearts you have come such a long way and you have done so well for yourself. I hope to keep that covenant to you, too, and stay as true as humanly possible to my weight loss journey as well.

So, my friends, take some of my strength today. Take some of those endorphins (or however you spell it) and energy that I mustered from working out today and use it to help you power through today. We are all in this together, even if you are also dealing with hurt and pain this holiday season. And if you need a word of encouragement I am here, too. Just drop me a line through this website.

No matter what, just know you are all amazing and like all of us on this weight loss journey, it’s OK to have the batteries run low every now and then.