Determined To Succeed

Sorry this was so late today but I was in a quandry.

I’m going to sound like an old fogie (is that even how it’s spelled?) but I don’t know how to relate to kids these days. Well, I do and I don’t. Last week you heard me talking about a website and technology conference I attended in New York and, while there, I got a wonderful idea to try to help kids who might have weight loss issues through information and resources on my website.

However, the more I delved into the “what” of it all (like what kind of content to have, etc.) I realized I don’t exactly know how to reach kids these days. When I was a fat kid it was the late 70s/early 80s. There were no such things as the following:

• Cell Phones (which kids seem to have younger and younger these days so no texting, mobile internet, etc.)
• iPods (hell, I thought I was king of the world with my first Sony Walkman personal radio)
• Personal Computers (I had a small electronic typewriter that got me through school – a typewriter!)
• Internet (and with it the extension of ways to get and absorb news and information)
• E-Mail (back then we actually wrote letters to each other and sent them in the mail, or snail mail as it’s called today, or passed notes)
• Cable TV (there wasn’t even a fourth Fox network back then. Just independent TV stations and the big three – CBS, NBC and ABC)
• Facebook and Twitter (progress back then was called a “party line,” expensive phone calls people could make to join 20 others to chat on the phone hosted by someone whose only job it was to keep you talking to get you to pay more per minute)

Amazing, isn’t it? Over the last 25-30 years technology has really improved. However, it has made the job of reaching people, especially kids, such a hard thing to do. The only way I can describe it is as practicing “lucky science.” Science because you have to do it so surgically since you can’t reach really large numbers of people using very few media anymore, and lucky because you never know what will resonate with people and take off like wild fire (as Twitter has the power to put information all over the world in a matter of minutes).

So how do I reach kids these days and let them know my simple story? That I was once a chubby kid, who was made fun of in school, and who had the same social problems they do these days because I was obese? How do I let them know I know how they feel when you can’t find age-appropriate clothes that fit, or have to find clothes less attractive or popular because they just aren’t in your size? How do I let kids know it’s normal to feel sad and depressed because you’re made fun of and are different, but also let them know it’s OK to talk about it and try to do something about it?

Jeez! I do sound like an old fogie FER SURE! LIKE TOTALLY! I sound like I’m waving my cane at some hot-rodders burning rubber down the street yelling at them as I wave my cane calling them “young whippersnappers.” But I’m not old (at least not yet) and I do very much remember what it’s like to be the fat kid. Plain and simple – it hurts. It hurts and at a time that is really solidifying who you’re going to become as an adult there are these pressures from family (in some cases), society-at-large, media (particularly fashion magazines geared towards teens) and friends to be this perfect being. And sometimes we are just not and we do not need anyone pointing out our flaws!

I guess it would be simple enough to tell kids this. In fact, it might make it easier for them to believe me when I tell them my personal fat kid story. I just know that America does have a childhood obesity epidemic on its hands, driven by lack of food education, support and economics. Well, I am going to do my best to help in any way I can. Not because I am saying all kids need to be thin or anything. But because it is all about health. Things like asthma and breathing problems (which I’ve had). High blood pressure (which I’ve had). And you could go on with juvenile diabetes, joint pain, etc. That is why I want to reach out. Because if I could go back in time and talk to me I would tell me it’s OK and to not eat so much McDonalds or ribs or fried foods. I’d also tell me the dangers of eating that much and how much I weighed at my heaviest and what problems it caused me. I’d tell me I understand what it’s like not having money to buy better foods and not have the proper resources to prepare them. I’d offer to help.

This is a crazy, mixed up and fast-paced world in which we live these days. But no matter what, kids need our help. And no matter how we reach them and tackle this problem of childhood obesity, we are helping them to become the same old fogies we are today. And I’d rather be an old fogie waving my cane around at young hot-rodders than dead in my 40s from a heart attack brought on by obesity.

As you guys know I am in New York attending a conference on all things website. I won’t bore you with the same details with which I was almost bored to sleep (literally – I had to get coffee during one of the panels or it would have been snooze city) but overall it was a great day for day one and I did end up learning tons about stuff so that I could enhance my own weight loss website. That’s the only way I can put it because my brain is mush.

However, the biggest and best thing I learned yesterday didn’t come from one of the speakers. It came from a mom (I won’t say her name for fear she’d be embarrassed). I ran into her while waiting on the last session of the day to begin. While we both waited I started talking to her about what I do and it was as if her eyes lit up. She told me all about her son and how her son, who is only twelve, has already felt the acute sting of what it’s like to be a heavy child.

Even though he’s not obese, he was chubby and his friends and schoolmates constantly let him know in the ever-so-brutally-honest way that only children can. He was the object of jokes and they made him sad, hurt and, worst of all, alone. I so remember what it was like being an obese kid. Even though I should have fit into clothes designated for kids my age I had to get the next size or two up from that just to find stuff that fit. My “friends” made fun of my stomach and my lack of physical ability because of it. I was called “fatty,” “Buffalo Bill” (that was a popular one), “Big Bill…” You name it. And I used to go home and cry about it…then eat to try to get rid of the pain.

I know exactly what this kid is going through because I went through it myself being an overweight child. Then, as I grew into adulthood it went from bad to worse. The brutal honesty of children gave way to the absolute meanness of high schoolers. Man, they were merciless, especially at a time when I was becoming a young adult, trying to attract girls and trying to maintain what little I had left of a positive body image. That is how my sense of humor became so honed. I needed it in both grammar and high schools just to deflect that pain away from me – even if it meant being the butt of my own jokes about myself. Laughter was the only way I could hide that pain. And believe me there was a lot of pain.

As an adult the insults became less but only because adults (well, most adults) learn to mask insults. But nothing, absolutely nothing, can take the look out of someone’s eyes. You can tell what a person is thinking just by looking at them. Like when I boarded a plane…or entered a restaurant.

When I heard this mom’s story all I wanted to do was tell her son it’s OK and that he is absolutely not (I repeat NOT) alone, which is why I, thanks to her son’s story and my newly-found knowledge from yesterdays brain-scrambler series of talks and seminars, am going to devote an upcoming portion of my website to children and weight loss. I know now there are so many of us “fat kids” out there who need a place to go to know they are safe. That’s all, safe. Safe from the barbs and stings of words that cut like swords. Safe from even being made fun of because they’re crying. I used to do that, too. But no more. Thanks in part to Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” initiative childhood obesity is getting the attention it deserves, shining a light on a problem that’s been festering for decades.

This mom told me that her son has worked hard to get his own extra weight off, which he has done, but that he still says “Mom, I’m fat” when he slips or has a bad eating day (sound familiar?). But help is on the way, kid. Help is on the way. Just know there are many of us out there who has not just survived being pre-teens and teenagers, a feat in-and-of itself. We also have taken the weight off to become healthier and happier people armed with a new way of living so we never see those pounds again.

You can do it, kid. As much as I have faith the adults reading this blog will reach their weight loss goal weights, I have faith in you, too. So keep watching this site. Because through it all, us adults and you kids alike, will get to our weight loss goals. We absolutely will and we will do it together.