Determined To Succeed

Hey there.

Even though the weather people are calling for possible showers later on this afternoon or this evening it is bright and sunny this morning, and I am sitting at my computer doing my best to be just as sunny.

You may be wondering why I was so bummed out in my weekend blog post. Well, I’ll tell you why. I was not selected as one of the online finalists in Oprah’s “Win Your OWN Show” contest. There were a total of 9,504 videos posted to her website and more than 143 million votes tallied. I thought I did a decent job at showing off my “skeelz” as a host and stuff in my video but, alas, I guess eight others impressed voters more and on Friday eight people were announced as finalists and yours truly wasn’t among them.

When I received that e-blast that said “Meet Your OWN Show Online Winners” my heart skipped a beat. I was like “Um, O.K. Is this how they are reaching out to us all?” So I nervously clicked on the link in the e-blast and BAM, there they were. Eight lucky people. Eight OTHER people. I felt like the kid not chosen to be on either team in a game of baseball, and while I was trying to always remain cautiously optimistic I am by nature an optimist so I kept hoping I would see my face among the winners. I would get an e-mail. I would get a call.

I can’t speak for anyone else but when my adrenaline/excitement builds it stores up like ammo stored up for a fight. And when I received the news I was such a range of emotions – sad, disappointed, afraid, curious, mad, dumbfounded – that all I could think about was unloading that stockpile of energy ammo on the one thing I knew would make me feel better – food. In my blog on Saturday I wished I knew the “why” of emotional eating. I think I finally figured out how to answer that question. You don’t have a way to channel the energies that build up inside you from those emotions so you turn to something you’re familiar with, food, to burn it all off.

Speaking of burning it all off I kicked the shit out of the punching bag on Saturday at my rescheduled martial arts class. Since starting my class I figured out which side is my weaker side for kicking and hitting, then used the other, stronger side to beat, punch and otherwise torture the heavy bag working off much of that stored up energy and disappointment from Friday’s news.

After my class I started to feel better and I started looking at things in a slightly different way. If I hadn’t entered that contest I never would have put together an audition reel, and it is that reel I am going to send to different people and agents and stuff to see who else might be interested. Just because this one door closed doesn’t mean there aren’t a hundred more wide open waiting for me to step through. I know that in my head, but it’s the heart you usually have to convince about these things hence the bag of Oreo Cookies, Coca-Colas and other things we will not mention this morning.

There is so much else going on in the world and I know I sound trite and petty and selfish (and definitely whiny) about all of this, but I wanted it. I wanted it and felt I was ready for it. I had experience, energy and enough chutzpah to do it. I am 39 and thought I was the perfect age for it all. I thought the stars aligned for it. I felt it was the ultimate “why” I was “vocationally liberated” from my old job at the zoo. But it was not in the cards and my skies turned a bit cloudy over the weekend from it all. My demons came for me, the demons of self-questioning, self-doubt and, of course, overeating.

But with time comes perspective. With time comes wisdom. With time comes the ability to finally make the mind outweigh the heart and KNOW (and hope) that other things are on the horizon, even if that horizon is now just a little further away than expected. And with things like the tragedy on the Delaware River that unfolded last week here in the Philly area I am just thankful to be alive, healthy and able to keep striving for my dreams as there are two people whose own life journey ended with a stupid tourist boat ride. Seeing their faces on the news (and how absolutely innocent and young they both looked) does help put things into a larger perspective.

But the selfish part of me still feels the personal sting of finding out I was not chosen for something for which I felt I was a perfect fit. Just like a shirt, pair of pants or sweater on the sale rack in a store. When you see the thing you want but it has a stain, a pull, tear or rip or is simply not the right size you move on. Reluctantly, but you move on hoping and praying something cooler, better and bigger comes along that kicks that thing’s ass.

Well, this is me hoping for that. As the grayer clouds begin to roll in, this is me yelling to the universe I do hope something cooler, better and bigger comes along…

…and this is me getting it all out so I can leave it all behind tomorrow. Leave behind the urge to throw a big pity party catered with all my fave comfort foods. Leave behind the disappointment and start the week off right and see it for what it is. A new start at a new part of the horizon, even though that horizon is, like a said, just a bit further now than I wanted it to be Friday.

But would I do it again to jump at that kind of chance – to live out a dream and be a part of something connected to the biggest media person in the whole world? You bet your ass I would.

In a heartbeat.

Last night I couldn’t get to sleep.

You know how you get when things weigh on your mind to the point where all that energy is what’s fueling you? Sort of like an old steam-powered train whose engineer is shoveling coals into the fire. Well, that’s what happened to me last night. I had been waiting for a piece of news all day…and waiting…and waiting…and waiting. And finally, when it was apparent it would never come my mind took over, threw more coals on the fire and kept us (my mind and me) up pretty late.

I know this is going to sound bad but much of why I was up had to do with Coke, also. Not to disparage the greatest soft drink (pop) in the whole world but not having it for the past few days – and subsequently having it all out of my system – meant that when I did have it yesterday all that caffeine and sugar got into my system adding more coals to my engine, heating it up and keeping the train moving.

I so wish I could figure out why I am an emotional eater/drinker. And before you start to worry not drinking in terms of booze. Drinking in terms of Coca-Cola. I wish I could figure out what triggers in the minds of big people like me makes food a viable option when it comes to those pesky demons that come for you – especially late, late into the night.

Hurmph.

If I could figure that out I’d be a rich, rich man. I’d also be back at my goal weight and then some by now. I’d not still be fighting the battle of the final ten over a year after my sweet mom died. I’d find it much easier to resist the liquid joy of an ice-cold Coke and not give in to it’s delicious yet empty calories. Oh, and if I could figure that one out I’d also figure out how to extract the unstoppable energy of a child (or find a way to activate that part of an adult brain) so I could add that to the mix. Then I’d be super-duper rich. Like Bill Gates or Warren Buffet rich. No more emotional eating combined with limitless energy? Shit. That would be awesome.

But as my man, Jules, in “Pulp Fiction” says “that shit ain’t the truth,” and there is no such thing as abundant adult energy and there is a such thing as emotional eating. And while I can’t just yet share with you guys the exact reason for this sort of morose weekend blog post please know I take this feeling for what it is – a set of rain clouds that have gathered up in my mind causing it to rain, just like it is today here in southern New Jersey. But like all rain, it will pass and the day will be sunny again (and hopefully not as freaking hot as it has been this past week – when 90 degrees is “cool,” look out).

As for my workout yesterday I did great. I did almost all of what my sensei taught me (although somehow the stretches seem to work better when doing them in class) and I worked up quite a sweat yesterday. And I plan to do the same today in the rescheduled class. Although working out with others is a new aspect of things so I hope I don’t embarrass myself too much in front of others.

Well, that’s all for now. Sorry it couldn’t be a bit more cheery but all will be revealed on Monday. Promise. Until then I will make sure I work out and NOT eat my weight in Chinese food, Milky Way bars and Cokes. After all, the good thing about staying up until all hours of the night thinking about stuff is that all the food places are closed.

See, in every cloud – even rainy ones – there is a silver lining.

Hopefully, you guys are used to my cravings by now. You know I crave good movies and TV shows. My current TV craving is enjoying HBO’s new season of “True Blood.” As for food, you know I crave a good Milky Way bar or an ice-cold Coca-Cola every now and then (even though I have tried to seriously curtail both lately and am making some progress). But every year or so I get an extra weird food craving. Even though I am not pregnant (although that would be a medical miracle) I guess you could say it is my pickles and ice-cream. My craving yesterday was for a tomato juice.

I don’t know why that was, either. I think because I started that once-a-year craving on a plane a long time ago and saw lots of planes recently and the craving was activated. Maybe it was because there was a new episode of “True Blood” on last night and I wanted to join in? I don’t know. I know it sounds weird and it is. But, true to myself and true to my craving I had me a can of “True bl…”, er, I mean tomato juice.

Usually, I go for a can of V8. It has a few more spices and tastes better than regular ol’ tomato juice but I thought I heard once how bad V8 was in its sodium content so I went with a can of regular Mott’s Tomato Juice. Turns out I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Before I delved into the nutritional info (which I should have done before drinking the stuff) I tried it in my usual way – with ice. Turns out my taste buds have changed and I prefered it warm. Almost like drinking a can of totato soup. That plus a grilled cheese would have been perfect. Maybe I am turining into a vampire from Bon Temps. Anyway…

While I had a good portion of my daily need for carbs, vitamins A and C, in addition to calcium, iron and protein, one can of Mott’s Tomato Juice has – get this – a whopping 980 mg of sodium and 12 g of sugar! I kid you not. That’s horrible. So I looked up V8 100% vegetable juice and it was way better. One serving has only 8 g of sugar (not great but better than the Mott’s) and about 1/2 the sodium of the Mott’s (480 mg). V8 also has way more daily allotment of vitamin C (120% of your recommended daily helping).

Wow! What a huge difference that is, and a surprising one., Whodathunk a can of 100% tomato juice was worse for you. Well, consider me educated nmow and chalk it up to me taking one for the team, I guess. And now I also get why vampires don’t like to drink “True Blood” cold. It goes down smoother when it’s warm.

I don’t think I need to worry about this craving anymore, though. I should be done with my tomato/veggie jusice craving for at least a year now. That is, until next Sunday night when the vampires in Bon Temps come out to play.

If I get another craving for a warm red drink then you and I can officially start to worry. Although, my name is Bill…

Monday is here and the new week begins. I am sitting at my computer today feeling far less stressed than I have been lately. The Oprah audition is over and my “schedule” is somewhat back to normal which means I can truly get back to eating better, exercising and losing these damned last ten pounds.

My mind is still a bit scattered, though. So please forgive me if I sound weird. It’s almost like I am a kid who’s been tasked with putting away his toys and cleaning his room. So, in the mental room that is my mind, I am putting my marbles back in order so I can focus on a brand new week with a cleaner space. Damn, I didn’t realize how scattered I was until things calmed down a bit and believe me, my mental room was a mess.

I am finally back to fighting the “battle of the final ten.” Or maybe struggling to lose it is a better way to put it. And it is a struggle. You know yesterday I was still so wasted from Saturday that I hardly did anything except eat, rest and sleep. I so needed to replenish and I was ravenously hungry so I had lots of protein (steak and eggs) and broke down to have an ice-cold Coca-Cola. Yum. Not the best meal to have when trying to lose and/or maintain weight (especially when potatoes and toast are involved)  but it’s what my body craved.

The anniversary of my mom, JoAnn’s, passing is just a couple of days away and it is on my mind now more than ever in more ways than one. It was almost a year ago (A YEAR AGO!) that I lost the most important person in my entire life. I watched her be taken by that wretched thief, pancreatic cancer, in just 18 short (but mercifully short) days. It was almost a year ago I had to say good-bye. It is so hard to believe how fast time flies for things that seem so recent but time keeps on moving forward and moving us with it. It was also almost a year ago I re-gained twenty pounds.

Please believe I am not beating myself up for that. I swear I am not. Losing a parent or loved one would make anyone, especially someone just sitting there unable to do anything, pass the time by eating comfort foods. But I know I’ve needed to get back on track harder than I have been because I have been talking about this for a year now and I swore I would not let her cancer beat us twice. Granted there have been other challenges as well – being “vocationally liberated” from my position at the zoo because of restructuring, my own money issues, etc. – but time has passed yet I am still ten pounds heavier. That is the thing that makes me say “grrrrrr” sometimes.

Like I said, losing weight is a struggle. Sometimes its a physical one, like when you go to the gym and work out but don’t seem to be losing anything. Mostly, though, it’s a mental one (at least for me it is), like having to talk myself out of going to the White Castle the other night and getting several cheeseburgers and fries, or motivating myself to get up and workout. Hell, even bypassing the Coke cooler in a store. But this struggle can be overcome. It can, and I know my weight now is proof of that. I may still have ten pounds to re-lose but I am still 165 pounds less than what I weighed in 2005. That is all the motivation I need to energize in the morning to clean my mental room.

And you know something? With just two days to go the only thing I am craving is the sound of my mom’s voice, not ice-cream, cheeseburgers, Chinese food or candy bars. I know she will always be with me and I can’t change what happened but you better damn-well know I am working now, harder than ever, to get these last ten off me. And with that, my friends, it’s time to start the day and clean my room. Have a great day and a wonderful week…

…and know my room is starting to look pretty darn good if I do say so myself.

Did you guys see the Edward Norton movie version of “The Incredible Hulk?” In it we see how long Norton’s Dr. Bruce Banner has gone without turning into The Hulk by displaying on-screen an electronic tally sheet that lists “days without incident.” Of course you wouldn’t have much of a movie if Banner’s “days without incident” kept going. It would be like watching paint dry or watching a pot of water and waiting for it to boil.

Boring.

Well, I sort of feel like that crossed with the commercial where the cell phone coverage area pops up above someone’s head. It is Day Two of my re-engaging my routine to lose weight and shed these two additional pounds before June 9.  Day Two – That’s what my electronic “days without incident” meter is displaying. I did well yesterday. I exercised and ate really well. I had a chicken breast for lunch with water (yep, no Coca-Cola) and I had a protein-filled steak for dinner with green beans. Totally tasty.

Now before you start saying to me “Bill, you really should lay off red meat,” I know that. I do, and I have been eating more chicken these days. But I am a Chicago boy, born and raised, and I like me my steak. I have also been eating more veggies, too. Green beans, tomatoes, asparagus and salads.  And now that I am trying to re-engage I am realizing how badly I had been stress eating lately.

My newly re-found routine also helps me with this coming weekend, too, and vice-versa. I found out yesterday by taking my long-ass drive to Linden, New Jersey (for the Oprah “win your OWN show” audition) that they will not be allowing camping out overnight and that the line starts at 6:00 a.m. Saturday. Yeah, right. I know I need to get there a few hours before that but at least I will not be homeless for a day or two wondering if/how I will get to continue eating healthily while waiting in line. I get to keep my routine going.

It also answers the question of how I will be able to exercise. I was thinking I would borrow one of my gym’s padded mats and actually do sit-ups, crunches and push-ups in front of the other peeps like me in line. At least I would have been illustrating my show idea in a way.

Today is June 2. This day last year was the last full day my mom, JoAnn, spent in the hospital before being transferred to hospice care. I try not to let sad thoughts enter my brain and I try to concentrate instead on a few other things – the beauty of the blue sky, birds singing and the goal I have set for myself, not to stress eat anymore and lose this two pounds by June 9.

The last thing I want to do is turn into my own food version of “The Incredible Hulk” and yell out “food good” instead of “Hulk smash.” It really is easy to just walk into a store and order up anything. The people behind the counter don’t know you from Adam and don’t know you are trying your best to stay on a weight loss journey. They just do their job and punch in the amount for whatever badness you’re going to consume and call it a day.

That’s why I have to remember my own “days without incident” / phone coverage map above my own head. Others may not be able to see it but I sure know it’s there and I do want its number to increase more and more so I know I’ve learned how to control the raging beast that dwells within me (and yes, that was a nod to the old Hulk TV show of the 70s).

Have a great day.

Happy Monday, everyone! Today is the Memorial Day holiday and I am sitting here at my computer thinking about the week I have coming up this week. It’s going to be weird, fun, trying, adrenaline-filled and cool. And I just need to keep my cool when it comes to food.

Here’s the deal. This coming Saturday is the first live audition for people to possibly win their own show for Oprah and her new OWN network. You guys already know I have submitted a video entry to the “Win Your OWN Show” contest and, according to the rules, anyone can do both the live audition and the recorded one. So I am throwing caution to the wind and doing both, myself.

Here’s the rub. The live auditions are Saturday and they are only seeing the first 500 people of so. What that means for yours truly is I am thinking I will have to get there pretty darn early on Saturday morning to get in line. There is also the distinct possibility that I will have to get in line a day or two early to secure my place in the first 500 as I am sure this will bring out thousands and thousands of people.

And with this in mind a long and strange week begins.

Here’s the deal. Since I don’t know what day the line will start forming I am not quite sure when I will heading up to make myself voluntarily homeless for this once-in-a-lifetime shot.  Yes, yours truly will be doing any and everything he can to make sure he is one of the first 500 in line so he is definitely seen and not heard.

Here’s the rub. I know fer sure (like totally) I will not be blogging on Saturday morning. And if I do have to be in line a day or two early I will not be blogging for those couple of days either because I just don’t think it wise to bring a laptop to the place where I potentially will be sleeping outside with strangers, and I sleep soundly. How soundly do you ask? Well, I’ve slept through one of Chicago’s two extremely rare earthquakes, thunder and lightning storms, you name it, and I don’t want my “Little Blue” (the nickname I gave my netbook) to somehow walk away.

And here’s the promise. You can bet your bottom dollar I will fill you in on ever aspect of everything I go through when Sunday rolls around.

As far as food goes I am at 237 even today which means Bill is a grumpy but re-committed lad. I told you guys yesterday I have been stress eating but after a day of some reflection, some tears and a bit of work I am better.  Being better means I already have this weekend in mind for what I will be eating, so I also have to scope out food sources at the shopping complex or nearby and make sure there is a Wawa (my convenience store of choice) so I can get healthier sandwiches, coffee and water (yep, good ol’ H2O and not Coca-Cola).

Also, I will be working out every day until I have to head on up and camp out. It will be a combination of cardio and weights so that my body knows I mean business because I should be just as committed to that (if not more so) than standing in a line with thousands of my best friends.

They say there is honor among thieves. I certainly hope that’s true especially when it comes to having to get out of line to go to the bathroom. OK, I know that’s T.M.I. but at least it made you laugh. At least I hope it did.

Have a wonderful day my friends, and remember our service people around the world today. It may be the third day of a three-day weekend for you. For them, and for those who made the ultimate sacrifice for which we honor them with this day, it’s about honor, duty and freedom…

…even having the freedom to be weird and camp out to eventually make an ass of oneself to a bunch of producers this coming Saturday. Only in the USA.

Well, I’ve made it back from New York City and Book Expo America. I didn’t really know what to expect but I know I expected much more than actually happened. I thought there’d be agents, publicists and publishers just swarming in a little area waiting to fly to new authors like bees pollinating flowers. But noooooooooo, and that is OK. Everything is a learning experience, isn’t it? And I will get there one day. And there is one important thing I learned. When I am bored, scared, overwhelmed and feeling alone I want to eat. Here’s what happened…

It was just about 10:30 a.m. or so yesterday and I had already made my way around the gigantic Jacob Javits Convention Center once to get the lay of the land and I was feeling run down, a bit overwhelmed and sort of bored. So I found a quiet spot on the level just above the food court (that was by coincidence, by the way) and kind of put my head in my hands. Then it hit me – I wasn’t thinking anymore about “ok, what’s my next move at this event?” and “how can I try to get in front of these people?” No, my mind was wandering down one level to one or two of the restaurants I could see from my vantage point wondering what yummy goodness they were already serving up.

“Dammit!” I said to myself. “It’s only 10:30 a.m. and I’m hungry?!”

I then got to thinking about it all. I was out of my comfort zone. I was in a huge place feeling quite small and insecure. I didn’t know anybody so I was feeling alone. I was disappointed I didn’t get to do what I had gone there to do. I wanted to give up. That is exactly when the demon comes for me telling me to eat, and it’s a pretty powerful demon. It sits down next to me and tells me that it will be comforting to fill my belly with something so I don’t feel so alone, that eating will give me purpose when I felt I had none. Eating would make it all better.

It was then I raised my head slightly and realized I wasn’t alone at all. My demon had followed me to the Big Apple and it was trying its best to get me to go back to the old ways. I looked around at all the people walking around in their badges – some with notepads, others with cell phones – looking like they all had purpose, and way more purpose than me. It felt pretty crappy. But I knew if I gave in and listened to my demon I would have felt crappier. Just because I didn’t have meetings set up or didn’t know anybody was no reason to just start shoveling food into my mouth. I was better than that. I am better than that, and worth more than that no matter what kind of situation I’m in.

So unbeknownst to the people sitting to my left (a woman who seemed annoyed she had to share her temporary desk/bench space with me – hell she should have seen my wide load at 400 pounds) and my right (another guy, flipping through pages in a notebook, jotting reminders to himself while looking at his iPhone to see his next appointment) I bade good-bye to that demon. I sent him on his way.I was going to have lunch, that was fer sure (like totally) but I was going to do it on my terms, in my own time and in my own way.

What tricks the mind can play on oneself never ceases to amaze me, and I almost gave in to it. But I waited and did what I knew my mom, JoAnn, would have done, and what I have done on many occasions – just struck up conversation with people. Who knew? They could have been agents? Why did I do this? Because it’s o.k. to say “hi. I’m a stranger in a strange land and I don’t know anyone. Can you help me?” When you do that you take the power away from your demons and give it back to yourself. You start finding your own path and your own way through a situation. And it feels better.

I eventually did make my way to the food court but I waited until one o’clock to do so (when I was legitimately hungry). Wow, that was an overwhelming experience, too. Throngs of people all swarming around the too-few tables like angry bees out of the hive. I look around at my food choices. They had Soul Food world, Burger and Fries World, Italian Food World…and all for hefty (WAY TOO HEFTY) prices. I ended up at Hot and Cold World for a turkey and pastrami sandwich on rye (I was in New York and had a taste for deli), a bag of chips and a bottle of Coca-Cola. An ice-cold bottle of Coca-Cola. What can I say? I needed a small taste of comfort to get me through the rest of the day.

I may not be perfect but as a great, great man who belted out one of the City’s great anthems – Francis Albert Sinatra – once sang (and I like closing the blog in song)…

“I did it myyyyyyyyyyy waaaaaaayyyyyyyy.”

It is not often in life we get to visit Mecca, the home and/or birthplace of something we love. Heck, it’s even a rarity in the cartoon world, too (remember Homer Simpson’s all-too-brief “dream job” working as a taster for Duff Beer?). Well, I got the chance of a lifetime wrapping up the conference I attended because Atlanta is the home and birthplace of my number one kryptonite, above Chinese food and above Milky Way bars. You guessed it, Coca-Cola.

Yep. I treated myself to a tour of the World of Coca-Cola, a museum and tourist attraction dedicated to all things Coke. And I will admit now, part of the serious attraction of going was the ability to taste different Coke products from all over the world and have at the end of the tour – wait for it again – an ice-cold Coca-Cola. And I know what you’re thinking: “you mean to tell me, after all your griping about you gaining weight on your trip, you’re a drug addict going to the place that not only sells drugs but makes them?”

Yup.

I freely admit to going into the lion’s den, the belly of the whale. The place where it all happens (well, at least the museum dedicated to it). I have always said on my weight loss journey I will have the things I want, just in moderation. And yes, those of you who read me regularly know I have had a few bad Coke binges from time to time, so much so I had to detox from Coke for a time. But this was going to be cool, seeing a museum dedicated to the history of a drink invented by John S. Pemberton just a few blocks from the museum, itself. It was also a way to confront my desire and addiction to this awesome, yet fattening, beverage.

I won’t bore you with the details of every aspect of the place – the tour and brief walk through the history of the marketingf of Coke, the movies you see (including the 4D one), even its impact on pop culture. What I will tell you, though, since my blog is dedicated to eating (and drinking) and weight loss is the best part of visiting the place – tasting Coke products from all over the world.

Yes, at the end of your self-guided tour you get to a tasting room where you can personally sample, as many times as you’d like, each and every soft drink beverage made and distributed by Coca-Cola around the world. Like the awesome Sparletta brand Spar-Berry from Zimbabwe. Or the Fanta Good Apple Kiwi from Thailand. You can even taste the most horrible-tasting soft drink in the world – a drink available in Italy called Beverly. It is so bad the workers there encourage you to taste it just to see how bad it is (which is wretched). And while the ability to taste these beverages, including my beloved TAB, is cool. I was there for a glass (OK, plastic cup) of the “good stuff.”

Looking around the tastng room I was wondering where the regular Coke fountain was. It was awesome to see that it had a tasting room all it’s own, a room dedicated to Coke, Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Coke Cherry Zero, etc. In other words, the belly of the whale. I had two cups, each about four ounces, of Coke and then I cut myself off. Any all-you-can-eat buffet is dangerous and I avoid them at all costs. And in this all-you-can-drink buffet I limited myself to just a splash of each of the six other beverages I tasted because soft drinks are one of those things I am addicted to. It is a comfort food for me and therefore a dangerous one, and I didn’t want to inadvertently give myself the taste for the drug again. So I left after that, but not before taking a complimentary bottle of Coke on the way out (don’t worry, it was only another eight ounces).

My kryptonite foods are just that to me. They weaken me and cause me to go off the rails of my new and healthier lifestyle. I had to, over time, learn to control my cravings and desires for these things because they are all bad for you. Is pop as healthy as water? Hell no, and just because I visit the land of Coke I’m not going to change my mind. It is one of those things you should give up or seriously cut back on if you want to lose weight and keep it off. What was cool was seeing how one guy created the world’s number one soft drink and how that formula is one of the best and most kept secrets in the world.

I do my best every day to curtail having Cokes, you guys know that, and this visit helped me do that. I have overdosed on Coke from time to time. I am a Coke fiend. It is dangerous stuff to me. Every time I visit Wawa I have to stop myself from going to the cooler, the taste is that strong. And to be able to visit Mecca and not claim one of the Coke fountains for my very own and rip it from the wall and try to take it on trhe plane back with me is a triumph. Not just because I overcame the urge to do something stupid that would have landed me in jail, but because I have overcome so many urges along this almost five year weight loss journey(both weight loss and weight maintenance) to give in to the temptations that would easily take me back to being 400 pounds.

I may not have it every day anymore but I’ve never stopped drinking Coke. I never will completely. Everything in moderation, or to use another phrase “drink responsibly.” There are empty calories in soft drinks, and if you’re going to still have them have them as a treat not an every day with every meal thing like I once did. I have to moderate that moderation and not make up excuses to have as much Coke as I’ve been known to have in my life and in the pages of this blog.

When I get back home you bet your ass I will be hitting the gym to work off the calories of convention food, room service and Coca-Cola. I have to because I know I’ve gained some weight on this trip. Business trips frequently make us gain weight because they take us out of our normal routine. But re-reaching my weight loss goal will cause me to make the same sound heard when I open the ever-so-familiar bottle (fizzzzzzzzzz) and taste its icy-cold goodness…

…aaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

You guys ever hear the urban legend about a certain fast food establishment where presumably vermin eggs were found in its meat? Of course you have. Live long enough and you’ll hear all kinds of urban legends. Some are fun and cool. Some are scary and mean. Some are just plain gross, like the story about the fast food restaurant. However, when you tell crap like that to a somewhat gullible yet very nice guy (yours truly) and you find that he won’t eat there – FOR YEARS!!!!!

OK, I will admit now that it has been a few years since I personally dispelled that disgusting urban legend (and had food at said fast food establishment) but I still think about it every single time (not all the time, don’t worry) I go through its drive-thru. And that’s with an urban legend proven fake, false and untrue.

Then why do I still drink pop (what we Midwesterners call soda)?

I have been doing so well up until last night. You see I spent about twelve hours looking at this pretty light box you youngin’s call the computer and so my whole eating day was thrown off. I had lunch at four and dinner damn-near ten (which wasn’t healthy at all), but what I really feel bad about were the pops I drank last night. Yes, pops. Plural.. Ugh. I feel so bad, like an alcoholic who slipped back into a bar and ordered themselves a bottle to go.

If you follow this blog with any regularity (I sincerely hope you do and thank you) you know several things – 1) that I always liken eating certain foods, pop and treats to being an alcoholic craving these things, but that I never make light of a serious disease like true alcoholism. 2) that these things are my Kryptonite. They are my Achilles Heel. Ugh. They are my weak spot. And why? Because (in a voice that mocks myself like a spoiled brat) “they won’t hurt me. They’re liquid and will pass out of me.”

That’s horses&%t. I should know better. I should know better because I do crave the sweet taste of pop at night. I do. I don’t know what it is. Some people have to have a cigarette. Some people have to have a glass of wine. Some people have to have chocolate. Well, I “have to have” a soda. I guess because I haven’t had it in such a little while that the urge really hit me strong in the Wawa last night. I went in for copies of the newspaper and came out with three pops – a Canada Dry Ginger Ale, A&W Root Beer and a – wait for it – Coca-Cola.

WTF!? I know. I am shaking my own head at that one. And getting back to urban legends sometimes I think it would be easier if someone invented one about drinking pop. So I could stop. I’m a poet and didn’t know it (insert Peter Griffin laugh here). I would also never say to anyone to invent such a thing because the reality of soda is far worse than fiction.

We drink pop/soda because it tastes good, quenches our thirst, and tingles pleasantly on our tongues. We hope that even if pop/soda is not healthy, at least it won’t hurt. But the reality is that it can, and it will. Regular soda ingredients include phosphorus. Too much phosphorus in your body leads to a reduction in calcium and magnesium, which are vital for a normal heart rate, nerve and muscle function, blood clotting, good bones and teeth. It can lead to tooth loss, damage your gums, cause osteoarthritis in adults and bone fractures in adolescents.

Pop also includes caffeine, which is another easy way to lose calcium. Too little calcium can cause heart rhythm irregularities and severe anxiety in susceptible people. Withdrawal from caffeine includes headaches, fatigue, muscle pain and stiffness, nausea, vomiting, and depression. Women may suffer from increased PMS (premenstrual syndrome) symptoms.

Regular soda is also loaded – LOADED – with sugar, which has no redeeming nutritional value whatsoever except for a transient increase in energy followed by a crash. Too much sugar can cause obesity and tooth enamel damage because it impedes the ability of white blood cells to kill bacteria in the mouth (I think I just felt my tooth twinge a little from the dental work I just had done the other day).

And finally, sugar in pop often comes in the form of high fructose corn syrup (HFCS), which is suspected to have a multitude of deleterious effects on the body. HFCS can interfere with minerals that the heart needs for proper function. It can cause elevated blood cholesterol and contribute to blood clots, increase uric acid – a symptom of heart disease – contribute to the development of cancer and diabetes, raise phosphorus levels, and cause diarrhea and chronic mineral losses leading to premature aging of the skin. It also contributes to copper deficiency, which in turn can lead to anemia, soft bones, connective tissue defects, obesity, infertility, heart arrhythmias, high cholesterol, heart attacks, and even diabetes.

Who needs an urban legend when you have these facts. And we won’t even get into diet soda again.

You’ve heard me say recently I’ve weaned from soda and I have. Today I am fine. I just need to seriously curtail my urge to drink pop at night, like locking the wolfman up before he changes so that, when he does, he is contained in a safe four walls. Hmmmmm, I don’t think it will come to that. All I have to do is read what I just told you and the taste goes out of my mouth pretty effectively…

…much like it did for that fast food many years ago.

Happy Monday, my friends. Today is a happy, bright and sunny, albeit chilly, Monday in southern New Jersey. Welcome to it and a brand new 10,080 minutes in the week.  It’s an exciting day for a few reasons.

First, I am pleased to report I survived the weekend (and a very meloncholy Mother’s Day) without  emotional eating. It was hard, though. Leading up to Mother’s Day I was afraid I would be just stuffing my face when Sunday arrived, and boy I wanted to. You guys know me. I have my Kryptonite foods and they called to me like the Sirens call ships and sailors to their fate. I was having cravings for my beef fried rice, and for some strange reason General Tso’s Chicken. (Where the hell did that come from?) And thank God I weaned away from Coke before this past weekend or it would have been super mega hard to resist the bottles of Coke just taunting and teasing me to come over and taste them if and whenever I entered a Wawa. And while I did have one single Coke this weekend, one ginger ale, and a wonderful, extra crunchy (extra sugar-filled) and delicious cup of coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts, I was good and drank iced tea and water the rest of the time. I had a decent breakfast yesterday and allowed myself a treat of pretzel bites in the afternoon. No Chinese food. No Coca-Cola binge. I was good. I made it. After all I promised myself and my mama, JoAnn, I wouldn’t let her cancer beat us twice and it didn’t. We won that round, Ma, and I love you.

Second, I reached my weight loss goal for the week, 233.5. Woohoo! I am down another pound down, and am setting my sights on losing another by next Monday. I am finding that re-losing these last damn ten pounds (a.k.a. the Battle of the Final Ten) that setting my sights on losing a pound a week helps me keep it in manageable focus, which is what we all need. Good, doable goals that don’t make us feel overwhelmed. Sweet!

Third, my freaking tooth is WORLDS better than it was over the weekend. Damn, Saturday was scary. I am not a wuss by any means (OK, maybe a little one) but I know something’s wrong when I touch the outside of my mouth and it hurts. I had visions of me with a giant white towel tied to my head with an ice pack on my jaw (you know, the image you used to see in old movies illustrating tooth pain). But thanks to a great trip to the dentist and their awesome work I am back to chewing stuff like those afore-mentioned pretzel bites and bacon. Bacon! BACON! BACON! BACON!

Last, today I am launching something special (at least I think it will be) – my online weight loss motivation sessions using Skype (tm). It has always been my mission to help people achieve what I have done, lose weight and successfully keep it off. So no matter whether people just can’t seem to fit in personal care into their schedules or they’re too embarrassed to talk about it in a group or with their families I will try to help using this wacky thing you space-age kids call the computer. So check it out and pass the word on.

There are 10,080 minutes in a week. We spend roughly 3,360 minutes sleeping (based on 8 hours average sleep per night seven nights a week multiplied by 60 minutes in an hour) and approximately 2,400 minutes working (assuming a 40-hour work week). That leaves approximately 4,320 minutes to live and catch up on life – do laundry, run to the store, pick up dry cleaning, work out and exercise and simply try to recharge our batteries before the 10,080 minutes start all over again.

Yes, it is definitely a new week full of new possibilities. And even though I will be busy I will be exercising today and every day this week to help me realize my own goals in all this crazy who-ha we call weight loss. I will re-reach my goal, and you will reach yours.

So c’mon! Time’s a ticking. The week has begun…