Determined To Succeed

Happy Tuesday, my friends. I think yesterday’s 6ABC interview went really well (and boy, am I happy I cleaned up a bit before they came).  Their producer, Dawn, and her camera guy were great and I had the opportunity to answer questions about my weight loss journey, why I started the website and how I hope to inspire people to begin or continue losing weight with it. It was cool.

I even got in my workout afterward, so I was thrilled.

After everything calmed down a bit yesterday my stomach was still uneasy, though. It took me a while to realize that it didn’t have as much to do with being nervous about the shoot yesterday as it did the sad feelings I was having over buying a box from the Container Store.

You see, in my efforts to clean up the place for 6ABC I had to file some papers away to make my office area look presentable (you always clean when company comes, don’t ya). Anyway, part of that involved not only shredding some of my mom’s papers I no longer needed (old bills since paid, old apartment leases, etc.) and finding a place to put some photos and all the sympathy cards I received from people. So I went to the Container Store.

I love shopping. Anyone who knows me knows that, and I love the Container Store. You can find stuff in there for anything. I found archival boxes (the kind used my the Library of Congress) for some important newspapers I am keeping (i.e. the newspapers announcing Obama’s election as president – soooo keeping those) but I had the toughest time finding a box I thought was suitable for my mom. I began to have a slight panic feeling in my stomach as I literally stood in the middle of the store, looked around and felt lost and hurt. I didn’t want to put the memories of my mother away. Place them in a box and shelve them. Not just yet.  I started to tear up.

Just then I looked to my left and saw a very nice simple (what I am sure was faux leather) box with a place on top for a photo. For cards and pictures and maybe an eventual letter or two it was perfect. I hurried and purchased it and went home, but I was still upset that this was happening. I know it’s all a normal part of things but it was time and I guess I wasn’t ready.

Over the course of Sunday it built up inside me, that crazy feeling I got to just eat everything. I am an emotional eater. Always have been. Add to that feeling of sadness the nervous feeling I had from yesterday’s shoot and I was a nervous wreck. So much so I wondered about actually stopping at an old friend’s for dinner. And not the good, real old friend kind. I mean the gauntlet – the little red-haired girl, the clown, the king or the colonel.

I drove around yesterday looking for that comfort, that old feeling of having it feel better at least for a bit. But it then hit me. I didn’t need them. I shouldn’t be turning to them. They suck as friends. Sure they have yummy things but that’s no good and they’d only leave me unhappier afterward. After that sigh of relief I thought about Chinese food (steamed chicken, not the fried rice kryptonite I wanted). Nah. I had to go to Wawa (the wonderful, clean and amazing East Coast answer to the kind of scummy-feeling 7-11 stores) to pick up a newspaper. Why not get a salad and some chili. That was it.

And that is exactly what I did for dinner.

I had actually calmed down enough to recognize what I was thinking about doing. That kind of stress/emotional eating is never good but I realized, even though I was feeling pretty blue, I still had choices and could make smarter ones. The chili was great and the Wawa salad perfect. I was happier with myself about not giving in to the temptations of McMeals, burgers, fries, fried chicken, fifteen-layer burritos – everything. Instead I calmed down, held control and ate pretty well.

As I settled in for the night on my couch I turned on Spike TV and there was, thank God, the perfect comfort food – Star Wars. I may have turned away some old friends last night but some I welcome into my home and into my life with open arms any day of the week. And that is all I needed to know that mom was still looking out for her little boy who needed some comforting.

For those uninitiated, today is Boxing Day in the U.K. So I am sending a huge shout out to all my friends, visitors and fans in the United Kingdom today! I had it in my mind to actually get up at 6:00 a.m. (or thereabouts), work out and then hit the stores looking for great discounts, deals and sales.

Um, yeah. That didn’t happen.

Instead, I woke up around 8:00 a.m. and listened to the sound of the rain outside (which is melting the last of last week’s two feet of snow). It is wonderful and very peaceful. Then I dragged my sorry and sagging butt out of bed, threw on clothes and headed to my gym.

Despite my lazy “get up and out of bed” mode I was quite excited to get back into the gym after indulging (maybe a bit too much) on wonderful holiday foods. “Eh. It’s O.K.,” I told myself as I did my four miles on the elliptical. “I will get rid of this extra weight,” I said as I did my 100 weighted tummy crunches. “I know I will,” as I did my 50 arm curls with dumbbells.

It was an awesome workout, one that I am proud of. And while I didn’t get the Boxing Day/day after Christmas sales I got something way better…time for me, dedicated and devoted to me to exercise and take care of myself and this weight loss journey.

You guys out there may be out shopping by now and will return to a wonderful RSS feed saying I’ve updated my blog (I hope so, anyway) so I hope you took and/or take some time out today from shopping to work on you. That is so very important on this journey we’re all on. It doesn’t matter if it’s a walk, an hour at the gym, sit-ups watching sports at home. DO that for you and you give yourself the best present of all this holiday season.

So now it’s time to hop in the shower and get out and explore what rolls of wrapping paper are left at the Container Store and see what logo tees are left at Old Navy.

That will be a workout in itself, I’m sure.