Determined To Succeed

Hey there. Hi there. Ho there. Although, I guess I shouldn’t say “ho there,” especially since I journey back to the Big Apple today to drop off some demo reels and stuff to agents and could very well pass a few while walking up and down the streets of Manhattan. You never know where they could be lurking (just kidding).

Yesterday, I had another awesome martial arts workout with my sensei, Doug Shaffer. We worked on my abs yesterday. Ugh! Man oh man, did they feel that yesterday! I did everything from crunches to some other kind of crunch, to a rolling-on-the-floor-on-your-back-to-keep-an-aggressor-in-your-sights kind of move – all designed to give you a better ab workout. And they did. And the stretches I did after the session helped keep the after effects to a minimum (actually, at this point I only feel it in one hip – not bad). But I absolutely love kicking and punching the bag. What a release!

Today’s test of Bill Power will come from resisting food in the City That Never Sleeps. You know me and my addiction/fascination with a particular Halal cart and its yummy-ass food. I know, I know. I said I would have whatever I wanted to eat on my weight loss journey but I was bad enough last week and am trying my best to re-re-re-re-lose my weight so I don’t need more rice, bread and Greek sauce gumming up my increasingly-better works. But the grilled chicken, on the other hand, might make for a great lunch. I will have to see.

I am excited to go to New York today. Above and beyond eating, today’s trip is me getting back on track after the disappointment of finding out I was not a finalist in the online Oprah thing. As I explained before, my emotional eating over that result was my way of controlling what I could in the situation, turning my sub into the path of the oncoming torpedoes so I didn’t get scuttled. And now I’m getting back out there to go live my dreams or go down trying. It will always be better to say you tried than saying you didn’t try at all, and that is for weight loss and anything in life.

I also have to tell you guys I have gone “cold turkey” on the Cokes, too. I knew I had to. They may be my one truest weakness but if those ab exercises are ever going to work to get me six-pack abs and not a 24-case of flabs then I need to lay off the drink. I have also been eating way better these last few days – chicken and other proteins, watching portions and drinking water. That combined with the exercises should get me back to the Battle of the Final Ten soon enough then on-track to re-reach that ultimate goal of 225.

Funny. There are times, like in the movie “Real Genius,” when a complete meltdown is exactly what you need to get yourself on the right path. It took me a couple of days and a few really bad meals to get back on track and say “enough of this! I’m gonna do this no matter what.” It may sound cheesy but it’s true. It’s true I tell ya.’

Today’s blog is going to be short and sweet (and admittedly disjointed – sorry about that) so I can get my ass on the road. And my workout today will consist of walking to four different offices in a big ass city that are probably miles apart when the blocks in-between are added up. But that is O.K., too. I planned it that way and walks can be very, very good for not just the body but the soul, as well.

So get up, everybody! Leave all that blah behind and seize your day! Make the most of it for yourself. Join me in taking a walk today to get back to it all. I may be in New York and you at work but take a walk, even if it’s one circuit around your office building. Or go walk your dogs and cats (saying “ho there” if you happen to see any – just kidding again) and remember no matter what is going on, if you fall off and have a bad eating or non-exercise day,  you will get back on track. And that, my friends, is what a journey is all about. I will fill you in tomorrow on all the fun and exciting happenings today.

Oh, and I better not get a damned parking ticket! As much as I work out these days, it’s those fines that really make me sore.

T.G.I.F.! Hey there, everyone and happy Friday! I hope you guys all make it through today to get to a fantastic weekend.

I received a phone call today from my sensei, martial arts and self-defense instructor Doug Shaffer, letting me know my class is being moved to tomorrow. Now, the average person would be like “woohoo, an extra day to rest!” But not me. Moving my class to tomorrow will truly be a challenge for me for two reasons – one, he is incorporating me into an actual mixed martial arts class with others. So there will be the challenge to just keep up and stuff. Two, because it will test my ability to carry his teachings into the gym with me today and give myself a workout. Yes. It will be a test of my own will – er, I mean Bill – power.

So far in my class I have done many things, everything from the tricep dips I love so much to “walking the line” (going up and down the length of the mat doing kicks and boxing – a real workout indeed). We’ve shadowboxed, used the bag and done floor exercises. And at the end of every hour I am sweating, and sweating a lot.

So that is what I am challenging myself with today, being able to do all of those things (well most of them since we do not have a heavy bag in the gym in which I work out) without – repeat WITHOUT – someone standing there saying “O.K., do this” or “now do that.” I will challenge myself to make it an hour. I have to or else there is no point to me doing this. I mean what if, one day, my classes ended. What then? I wouldn’t just stop. I wouldn’t want to stop.  I am trying hard to get my butt (and other parts) into shape and all of this is learning and putting that learning into practice.

Kind of like a Jedi Knight I keep mentioning by the name of Skywalker (Luke, that is. Not whiny boy Anakin). Luke did two things that I always keep thinking about. One, in between “The Empire Strikes Back” and “Return of the Jedi” he kept up with his training. After he left Yoda in “Empire” he continued so he could defeat Jabba, get Han back and prepare for his destiny – to be a Jedi Knight. Two, Luke also put that training to use, both mentally and physically, when it came to facing Darth Vader after Yoda died.

Sorry about that. This geek moment is brought to you by the letters “J” and “K,” and by the number 6.

I guess all of that “Star Wars” talk is just my geeky way of saying I am going to not only build on my teachings so far but also honor my own words from yesterday to make the most of the time I had allotted anyway. Life is short, my friends, and just because our workout buddies or instructors aren’t there doesn’t mean we should slack off. It’s up to us to give ourselves that workout because we are worth it, it makes us better, stronger and makes us live much longer.

So here is to sweat today, my friends, because we all should put forth our very best even, and especially, on Fridays. What better way to earn the weekend ahead.

Sitting down to write right now…

Ouch!

What the hell is that?! Oh yeah. Right! It’s ass pain. Not bad ass pain mind you (it’s not acute, sharp pain or anything). It’s just the pain I’ve been feeling since beginning my mixed martial arts workouts with my sensei, Doug Shaffer. I thought I’d be feeling more pain in my arms, shoulders or back. But nooooooooooo (said like Ralph Kramden of “The Honeymooners”)! I feel it in my ass. And since I am the one making my ass get up and go to these twice-a-week workouts I guess you could say I’m a pain in my own ass.

It’s totally weird! Not the fact I have ass pain (well, O.K. having ass pain is a bit weird, and funny) but that the only thing I feel like writing about today is about me being a pain in my own ass. That I have heat on it right now (and thank God someone invented the heating pad – best. Invention. Ever. At least today) so I can warm up the muscles in my butt before I go and work them out (which I am totally looking forward to today, by the way). I swear with the heat going on under my bum and the air conditioning going on around me it’s a wonder it’s not raining somewhere around my waist.

It is good though, this gentle reminder, because it lets me know how much what I am doing is working. Regular workouts that challenge the body are good to help tone up. And when you confuse the muscles in the body by doing different things in different order (”confusing” them, in a way) it helps burn even more calories and fat. And I will be doing many exercises today that work out this gluteus maximus of mine – kicks, moving footwork, stretches and get-ups – the exercise that always knocks me on my you-know-what.

Yesterday my weight loss tip advised that working out with a buddy can be beneficial when it comes to exercise. That a second person can both keep you motivated and keep you entertained at the same time. Yes, that means being a pain in the tuchis (not tuckus as I spelled it the other day) sometimes. Well, that is true literally and figuratively for me. Having this pain in my rump means I am doing well to have the best and healthiest rump I can, and that these exercises are working. Also, I think I would know bad ass pain if and when I felt it (although every time I sit down I can feel my ass asking for shift-differential pay).

I guess what I am trying to say is that I like being a pain in my own ass. I should be. We all should be. If we want to achieve our goals we have to get up and do the things we set out to do. I know – DUH?! But gentle (or not-so-gentle) reminders that we are doing and not talking are exactly what we need to keep us going, especially when you feel tired, unmotivated and pained. So if you feel a bit achy (and again, not in bad ways you know you would feel), then get up and keep moving.

This is my 4th week of classes and I am psyched, for one day I will have a much healthier (and hopefully better looking) ass than the one with which I started. It may hurt now but as they say (and “they” have a saying for almost everything) no pain, no gain. Not to mention that exercise now will help us all in the future (remember my time-travel blog? Changing stuff now to have benefit in the future).

It’s a way to – wait for it – cover your own ass when it comes to your health.

That is what Apollo’s trainer, who then becomes Rocky’s trainer, says to the fighter to help keep them going. To focus. To get back up.

I know I mention a lot of movies in this blog and ask you guys if you’ve seen this or that, but yesterday the most appropriate movie was on Encore – “Rocky II.” I’ve written about the “Rocky” movies before but they now have a slightly different significance than they did before, especially “Rocky II.”

For starters, I have a much deeper appreciation for the strength, stamina and technique of anyone who stands in any ring. I now know what it’s like to work a heavy bag, throw a punch or kick  (great stress relievers) and dance around a bit (which, by itself, can make you sweat. Trust me). I see punches in the movies differently now. In some way I can feel them and that adds a slightly greater realism to them for me. It brings me that much closer to them in a tactile way. But that’s me waxin’ all poetic…

…Before I continue, just in case some of you haven’t seen this awesome set of movies (skip “Rocky V” however. It was just O.K.) I will warn you now I will give away some of what happens in the movie that you may or may not want to know if you haven’t seen it. O.k., let’s step into the ring…

In “Rocky II,” we have Rocky’s rematch against Apollo Creed. The first “Rocky” was amazing because it wasn’t a movie about fighting. It was a love story. At the end, Rocky Balboa didn’t win the title but he gained respect, a greater sense of self and love. He got in that ring and gave it his best shot and that’s all we can do sometimes in this crazy, mixed-up world. In “Rocky II,” Rocky and Apollo go toe-to-toe again (and thanks to my awesome instructor, Doug Shaffer, I now know what that means) for the championship. This time, though, Rocky wins, but not in the way you’ve come to expect the hero to win.

Rocky wins because he simply got up. He was beaten. He was beyond tired. He was bloodied. He was punchy. He had no strength left. However, when both fighters are on the mat after one last punch and shear exhaustion send both down, the count starts…1…2…3…

…and both fighters, both warriors are struggling to regain some footing…

…4…5…6…7…

…both fighters are clinging to the ropes for help…

…8…9…

…Apollo is too exhausted and falls but Rocky plants both feet on the mat and stands…

…10! And Rocky is the winner. He is the winner becuae he fought his way through that pain and exhaustion to simply stand up. He didn’t let the physical keep him down. He won because that is what was needed to win. That is the sign of a winner, someone who gets back up after being knocked around and down so many times and keeps getting up. Some people would say that’s crazy. Me, I say it means you are a champion.

That is how I feel when my class kicks my ass. Do I hurt today, f%$# yes I hurt. My knees hurt (we did some new exercises that used more of those), my legs and hips ache and I was exhausted but you bet your ass I will be back on that mat tomorrow afternoon. Why? Because I ain’t gonna quit.

“No ref. Don’t stop this fight!”

That is how weight loss feels sometimes, I know. It beats you up. It makes you want to quit. You see those numbers remain stagnant or, worse yet, creep back up and it makes you want to stop the fight. But don’t. Please don’t. You can and will win. I know I make weight loss sound like a fight and a battle in in many ways it is. You fight through food urges, and you fight the urges NOT to exercise. But that is when the champion in your needs to simply just get back up on your feet.  That is how you win.

My martial arts class is physically challenging but awesome. It is the awesome you should feel after a good workout. It doesn’t matter if you simply do a few stretches because it’s all you can do. Or a few sit-ups or jumping jacks. That is an accomplishment. If you do more stuff, like the elliptical or treadmill, or use the weights in a gym. That’s an accomplishment.  And when you work up a sweat that is the sweat equity you give yourself, that I give myself, to let your body know you are in this fight to win.

More than anyone I know sometimes the hardest thing to do is get back up. But it is that getting back up and in the ring, that sweat, those tears, that make you the winner. Not how hard you throw a punch. Not the number of push-ups you can do. Just the fact you are doing them and doing them again tomorrow and the next day.

That is what feels good. And that is what allows you to stand in the center of the ring to yell loud and proud…

“…yo, Adrian! We did it!”

Happy Saturday, my friends.

Man, these martial arts workouts are kicking my butt. And here I thought it would be the other way around. I never thought I’d be Bill-Claude Van Damme or anything like that but wow, these workouts are killer…and awesome.

I was talking with my sensei, Doug Shaffer, yesterday at the end of class and wondered out loud exactly how many drops blood, beads of sweat and oceans of tears had been shed upon the mat on which I now train. What stories would that mat have? He told me that the night before he had a full-contact sparring match going on and I could only imagine the sound of the impacts as the opponents fought. He also told me about the little girl who, just a few nights ago, achieved her black belt in karate (a photo of whom sits on his desk, very much the same way a proud father would). In other words…a lot.

I was floored, not by the exhaustion I was feeling (and believe me I was soooo feeling that) but by the feeling that I was adding my own sweat to something great. If that mat could talk it would talk about how this guy who used to be 400 pounds is still striving to be in better physical shape than he ever has been by sweating like a pig two times a week on that very same mat. Sure I feel pain today. Who wouldn’t? I am working out muscles I didn’t even know I had. But I am also doing things I never thought I could do before because of my weight. But that is just as cool as a full-contact match or a girl getting her black belt in kicking my butt. All are awesome accomplishments.

There is a certain amount of faith that’s involved in weight loss (well, any journey, really) and it calls on us to believe in something we can’t yet see with our own eyes. Moreover, that faith may be stretched thin at times. Loved ones are away or gone (and those subsequent anniversaries), you have a tough week, you started a new job, you feel alone. But the faith that you have is buoyed by the realities that have happened and have yet to happen. The reminders of accomplishments, remembering – well – memories and taking new strides toward new goals. But that faith is there, backed up by the hard work we all do on a daily basis to get through those tough times to make that faith real.

My sweat may not be all that great on that mat. It may be, literally and figuratively, a drop in the bucket compared to what others have done and continue to do (like awesome girl Van Damme) but it is something. It is good, positive and most of all true. And that is what that mat would say about me. That is my story. I am trying, I am human, I will not quit and I have faith that I will get to my goals one day. Each and every one of them.

Today is Thursday, it’s about 9:19 a.m. and I am just getting my nearly 40-year-old motor going for the day.  Part of that is due to yet another amazing martial arts workout from my sensei, martial arts and self-defense expert Doug Shaffer. I wonder sometimes if I would be better at this stuff if I were younger. Then it hits me, “nah. I just need to get my fat butt moving.”

So yesterday we did mainly mat work and leg work. I did lunging kicks, roundhouse kicks, exercises that can help get an attacker/opponent off you, a reverse push-up kick move and more. Plus we did my favorite exercise – those sweet but deadly reverse push-ups (actually, I think they’re called tricep dips). I swear to you guys I love these because they are great to do in your home – and I do.

While I was doing all these things I kept thinking to myself “I can do this. I just need to get my fat butt moving.” And I did. And while it’s not easy taking a body that used to be 400 pounds (with all of its still-persistent extra skin and flab) and make it faster and more coordinated, but I am doing my best and that is what matters. I sweat like a pig, but that’s good. I am tired as hell after, but that’s good. I roll out of bed today (late) with aches, but that’s good. I am getting my fat butt moving, and that’s good.

Today, I am going to do at least 20 of those reverse push-ups/tricep dips, if not more, to keep in practice. Also, have to practice other moves, too. Also, I am going to be working on cardio today with a good long walk or on the elliptical in the gym. Why, because I know I will be working hard tomorrow again. And even though this is only the second week I am already seeing results in my arms and I could swear (SWEAR) my love handles are looking a tad bit smaller. That may be my imagination but I like it.

So what are you guys going to do today to get your butts moving? I know it’s hard sometimes to either find the motivation, time or place but it can be done. Remember, you can do many types of exercises both at work or at home with minimal space/time requirements. You can always do some tummy crunches in your chairs (especially at work or while watching TV). You can always take a walk around your office or around the block at lunch.

As always I recommend you talk to your doctor before you try to do any exercise for the first time just to make sure you are able to do so, especially if you are starting from scratch and are of size. But I tell you, once you can get into a nifty exercise routine it’s like a drug. You will want to do it more, like my martial arts class, even if that regimen is just talking a regular walk around the block. You are working for you and making that time for you.

And to do a tricep dip you will need a chair that doesn’t have wheels on it, or another stationary surface higher than the ground. Stairs, for example. Position yourself with your back facing that chair or stairs. Grasp the front of the chair’s seat with your hands and fingers facing forward.  You can either plant your feet with your knees bent (as in this diagram) or extend your legs/hips forward with your heels supporting the lower body. Slowly bend your elbows, lowering your torso and butt so they are a few inches off the floor/ground. Then, push back up by slowly straightening your arms.

And while it may kick your butt, it gets your butt moving and that is how we are in this fight and losing weight together.

Hey there and happy Saturday, everyone.

I can’t believe it! I am actually in “O.K.” pain from yesterday’s second mixed martial arts session with martial arts and self-defense expert Doug Shaffer. When I say “O.K.” pain I mean I ache but only in the ways I’m supposed to. The kind of aches you have after using muscles you didn’t even know were there (like the freaking muscles I seem to have activated on the back of my armpits) and using them for the first time. Sure, my triceps hurt. They should. Sure, I feel as though my crotch has been stretched like Van Damme used to do. It should.  That is what this workout was and is meant to be. It is awesome (I always sweat within the first five minutes) and I am learning cool stuff (who knew I’d kick better with my left leg than my right?). I know I have homework from Sensei Doug and will report on that soon.

After martial arts I came back to my computer to sort of wrap up the day and I came across an older (from March 2009) and rather disturbing story about something I have LONG-suspected – that a great number of contestants who appear on “The Biggest Loser” gain their weight back – that they are basically set up to fail.

Now, before you go getting all “hey wait! You said you liked this show and it does inspire me” on me I will say, for the record that this is only my opinion and I, too, have been and continued to be inspired by the weight loss dreams of its contestants. I find the human stories of people fighting the “battle of the bulge” all over this country very moving and inspiring. I really do. However, the problem I have isn’t with that. It’s with the methods the show uses to get people to lose weight and how unrealistic it is given the real world we all face.

Just to recap what I’ve said before, I believe (again, only my humble opinion) that “The Biggest Loser” is unrealistic because of how the show sequesters people from the real world and puts them through an incredibly and rigorously intense two/three month fitness regimen to lose the weight we see on the show. In other words, of course you’d lose weight – it’s the only thing you have to do for that entire time. It’s your only job. That is what is unrealistic. When the real world comes creeping back in so do the pounds because you have neither people yelling at you to keep going nor the equipment at “the ranch.”

Again, this is just my opinion however it seems to be shared by two others – Kai Zwierstra, runner-up on “The Biggest Loser” Season Three, and Season winner, Erik Chopin. Not only does each one confirm what I suspected their stories are really the heartbreak of it all.

In a story that ran in the Anchorage Daily News, in reality stardom’s after-light, it seems getting skinny on national television didn’t melt away her problems. Instead, it magnified a volatile all-consuming cycle with food and exercise Zwierstra (who appeared on the show under her maiden name Kai Hibbard) doubts will ever go away. It caused her to lose weight in very desperate ways while on the show, including that final weigh-in night. It caused her to use Ex-Lax. It caused her to make herself throw up.  Please read the entirety of her story. It is absolutely eye-opening and part of what you don’t see when the cameras stop rolling (both on and off the set).

Then there is the story of Erik Chopin, who after losing 214 lbs. (he started off at 407) was crowned the winner of Biggest Loser season 3. But after the reality show was over and the trainers had gone home, the deli owner from West Islip, N.Y., slowly gained the weight back (he got back up to 368 lbs.).In January of this year, Erik became the subject of a Discovery Health documentary, “Confessions of a Reality Show Loser,” which chronicles his story and his new attempts to re-lose the weight and do it right.  He even went on Oprah to talk about his weight loss and re-gain.

In the article from Anchorage, “The Biggest Loser” executive producer Mark Koops said about half of the show’s contestants keep the weight off. Half! And, that counseling isn’t (ISN’T) part of the show’s plan. How can it not be when people, in a very short, intense amount of time, give up their normal lives, workout all day, lose a tremendous amount of weight then get thrust back into actual reality and are still expected to keep going. That’s crap and not realistic, or healthy.

Also from the article is a quote from Lynn Grefe, CEO of the National Eating Disorders Association. “Compulsive overeating is a disease,” she said, “with deep psychological roots. The show makes a spectacle of people’s pain. Can you imagine doing that with cancer — whose tumor is going to disappear faster?” she said. “My chemo versus your chemo?”

I guess what I am saying, and what I have always said is to take weight loss seriously enough to know there are no quick fixes or “magic pills.” And that shows like “The Biggest Loser,” while inspiring on some level, do have a reality to them you don’t see and you can’t take what you see on the screen as real reality.

It is television, after all.

My friends, I am sore today.

Yesterday I had the incredible opportunity to have my first (key word – first) mixed martial arts workout with martial arts and self defense expert Doug Shaffer. I knew this was going to be a down-and-dirty workout. I knew I was going to sweat. I knew I was going to sleep until noon (well, 9:30 a.m.). I knew I was going to hurt today…

…and I loved every minute of it.

The martial arts I am learning are a mixture of Kempo, Ju-Jitsu and American kickboxing, so I started my training by learning how to punch. I put on my MMA (mixed martial arts) gloves and I went to work learning how to throw a punch (something I am proud to say I have never done in my life in the real world) using the heavy bag. After that, I started moving around the bag punching which is harder because I had to concentrate on what I was doing. Once I get comfortable with it I won’t think about it, I will just do it.

Next came kicks. Yep, no “Karate Kid”  “wax on, wax off,” “hang your jacket up” stuff. I went right into kicking and how to properly kick (with a flat foot against the target). Then into using my knees. Then into a combo of all three.

Can you see the sweat dripping from me? Believe me, it was in buckets. But that’s a good thing. That is what I signed up for.

After that, I did some reverse push-up thing which really hurt (which, again, is good), shadowboxing, kick-walking (which is the only way I can describe doing kick exercises while advancing on the mat) and a cool yet strenuous reverse-spider movement thingie that I still don’t quite have the hang of yet. All this while learning how to do all this breathing through my nose and not my mouth (it’s harder than it looks if you’re used to mouth-breathing like me). We wrapped up by doing stretches which really did limit how much I hurt today. Stretches are key after a workout like that.

Afterward I was exhausted. I was sweaty (scratch that. I was mega-sweaty). I was thirsty…

…and my ass hurt.

But what an incredible workout it was. It’s the kind of workout that should hurt. Sweat means you are burning fat and I was doing that. I was working muscles I never knew I had (like behind and under my shoulders) and I was getting my body into a new kind of workout to help trim off this remaining ten pounds and, hopefully, firm up what’s left. And when you have an instructor like Sensei Doug, who wants to help people not just train-up for martial arts but get to their personal goals or weight loss, fitness or self-defense it turns a hard-as-hell workout into a partnership.

Want to know the kicker (ha, I made a martial arts joke)? I do all this again tomorrow (I did say it was my first lesson), probably harder and faster, to test what I’ve learned and to build on that. And what does that mean?  It means I so need to finish writing and get my sore ass to the gym to workout, which I finally think I can do not that my body has warmed up a bit and isn’t so stiff.

There is a saying in the studio in which we trained which I am going to share with you all today, because it applies to all aspects of life…

“A black belt is a white belt who didn’t quit.”

Damn right, and neither will I. Hell, if I can do it with my flabby arms, thighs and belly, anyone can.

I’ve loved (LOVED) the movies ever since I was a kid. But this is old news to you guys. Regular readers to my blog KNOW how much I love, quote and sometimes breathe movies. And with it being summertime I am in my element – lots of shoot-em-up, blow-em-up and fight-em-up action in theaters to keep me (hopefully) entertained for the two-hour stretches I invest (as well as the $10-plus dollars I spend).

In 1984 the original “The Karate Kid” came out and every kid on my block was hooked, including yours truly. That, plus reruns of movies like “Enter The Dragon” and other then-current movies like “The Last Dragon,” “Bloodsport” and “Cyborg” had us all doing the “hey-ya” sound followed by some awkward-as-hell kick/punch move that was supposed to be lightning but instead looked like, well, a kid TRYING to do a very-uncoordinated martial arts move. The heroes of the day were Jean-Claude Van Damme (before he started taking lots of drugs), Steven Segal (before we knew how weird that guy turned out to be) and the immortal Bruce Lee. Oh yeah, and Ralph Macchio.  Yes, Ralph Macchio, who will forever be doing that goofy crane move to win the tournament, the adoration of his mentor, Mr. Miyagi (the awesome Pat Morita), the girl and the respect of his enemies at the end of “The Karate Kid.”

Why am I waxing nostalgic on “The Karate Kid?” Today, I am taking a step into a larger world and am beginning martial arts training as part of a newer overall fitness regimen. That’s right, me, Bill Ivory Larson, is heading out to Lansdale, PA to begin martial arts training under the teachings of martial arts and self-defense expert Doug Shaffer. I met Doug (excuse me, Sensei) at a Tweet-up (a social media gathering of people who frequently use Twitter) and told him about my 175-pound weight loss and my journey so far. He asked me what kind of gym training I had had and I said “none really,” and he invited me to join him at his studio to begin working out using martial arts.

Whenever you lose a ton of weight, unless you are working out like a fiend every single day, you are going to have flab and skin issues. I am no exception. I have what I call “chicken arms,” flabby thighs and my tummy longs for the day it can have abs as ripped as Ryan Reynolds or Jason Statham. So part of why I am taking martial arts training is to do what I’ve always learned – change up my workouts to trick my body into burning more fat. I am also doing it to tone up those saggy bits and hopefully improve my overall fitness and health. My training will be two times a week (Wednesdays and Fridays) and will supplement the things I already do (cardio and weight training in my gym).

You know I have to say I am truly looking forward to this. I’ve never been afraid of a challenge – hell, I took scuba diving training and I was afraid of drowning – and this will certainly be one. One of the things I promised myself I’d do when I lost all that weight is do things I wasn’t ever able to do before. Being physical is one of them, whether it’s sports or activities. It doesn’t matter that I have less than half-a-year until I turn 40. Because I lost weight I feel like a new person who, knock on wood, has a new lease on life and will (hopefully) live a much longer and healthier one. And don’t worry, I will keep you all posted on how things go during my martial arts training. It will be interesting, to say the least, to see a guy whose greatest activity used to be sitting in a darkened movie theater watching movies like “The Karate Kid” actually learn to do this stuff.

It’s funny how life sometimes comes back around. We can see it every day with styles the kids are wearing (I can’t believe the long-haired look is back for boys), by the fact that 80s music is back and being embraced (only this time it’s retro) and by seeing old TV shows or movies like “The A-Team” or “The Karate Kid” remade into this summer’s blockbuster movies.  Well, while Jaden Smith learns Kung-Fu from Jackie Chan in this year’s remake (yes, it’s Kung-Fu not Karate but you don’t mess with cool movie name and franchise recognition) I will finally be living out a childhood movie fantasy of mine, too, while getting healthier and hopefully leaner in the process.

I just hope I don’t look as silly doing the crane move thing or learning “wax on, wax off.”

Did any of you ever watch “Seinfeld?” The NBC show that ran for however-many seasons was famous, in part, for being the “show about nothing.” Jerry Seinfeld even said so. And it was. It was so popular because we enjoyed watching these neurotic New Yorkers getting into silly crap with no special overall meaning at all. Again, a show about nothing.

I fell like that’s what my blog is today. The “Seinfeld” of blogs. Even though I haven’t watched that show since it went off the air (and won’t now, even in reruns, because of the racist tirade of one of its stars, Michael Richards), I totally get why a show about nothing was so popular.  Ugh. This is one of those days where I don’t know what to write about. I’m sitting at my computer looking  out of the stop sign-shaped window next to me, staring wishfully at the sky as if the inspiration would fall from it. But alas it doesn’t and I sit here trying to rattle enough of my marbles (at least the ones I got left) trying to think of something. I guess I will update you guys on stuff going on. So let’s go to the diner, take our usual booth and kibbitz…

I’ve been eating OK, lately. Not great but OK. I know I eat out way too much. Even though I tend to get the healthier things on a menu I need to just buy stuff for myself and cook it. Not only would it be cheaper in the long run it would also help me calorie-wise. Maybe that’s why “Julie & Julia” has been on cable so much lately. Maybe it’s a sign or a gentle nudge from mom, “get your butt to the store and buy some groceries for this house.”

And it’s not that I don’t enjoy cooking. I do. I like cleaning off a space and putting all the ingredients on it, like I’m the host of a cooking show talking to the chairs in front of me telling them what I’m about to prepare. And while I am not the best cutter-upper I do love how things look all mixed up in a bowl or pan, especially when I know it’s going to make something yummy for my tummy. O.K., O.K. I’ll get my butt to the store. Especially ’cause that means I get to make that good chicken recipe I told you all about a while back. Cool! Or maybe I’ll make a soup so good the Soup Nazi will be jealous?

A bisque, perhaps?

Nah. He’d just look at me and say “no soup for you” and kick me out of his store. And was that the “bon bubble-pop bubble-pop bown bown) of the “Seinfeld” theme I just heard in the background? Weird.

Anyway, I am going to be starting a different kind of strength training and conditioning beginning next week, that’s when I start seeing martial arts and self-defense expert (and friend) Doug Shaffer who’s going to start whipping my butt into shape (at least I hope so). I am at this “battle of the final ten” (AGAIN!) and I so want to lose those ten. I think martial arts will be good for me. It will challenge my body in new ways to help me lose weight, be leaner and will expand my mind all at the same time. Of course I will let you guys know how it goes. I also need to get my butt to the gym, too. I am so feeling the need to do the elliptical today, and it helps that I go during the day when no one is there. Yeah, that will be good.

And it’s the weekend. I haven’t been too worried about weekends in a while, especially since I am trying to be more Zen about things and not get so upset about an ounce here or there. I just know I have to watch what and how much (ESPECIALLY how much) I eat and I will be OK. I so plan to be down another pound by this time next week. And I will so do a dance of joy when I get back to that goal weight (but not like Elaine, who can’t dance to save her life).

Well, there you have it. I may not have their famed Superman appearance somewhere in every episode but it’s what I got today. There are XYZ number of stories in the naked city and today I’m one of ‘em. And while I am not trying to back into a parking space here or yada-yada something there I am doing my best to keep on this weight loss journey the best I can.

And that my friends is totally sponge-worthy.