Determined To Succeed

Happy mega-late-Wednesday night/super-duper early-Thursday morning, my friends.

Since I have to be in New York City Thursday morning for an appointment (I was lucky enough to get an opportunity to talk about the website and weight loss on the nationally-syndicated BetterTV), I decided to do tomorrow’s blog tonight. Er, or today’s blog yesterday. However you want to look at it. It feels kind of weird because I’m so used to getting up every morning, rolling back over when I see it’s earlier than I think, getting up again because it’s then later than I want, stretching and writing my daily weight loss blog post.

Yeah, I’m breaking up my routine. It happens from time to time to all of us. We get sick with a stomach bug that lays us up for days, or we travel out of town to visit a son’s graduation or we blow out our knees and have to take it easy to heal our joints and give them tender loving care. No matter what the circumstance, crap always happens and it’s during that time that a ripple effect occurs – when everything in our day gets thrown off, even eating, because of one tiny pebble thrown into the lake of our daily lives.

These past few days I have really taken advantage of detoxing from Coke to combine that with eating better and exercising to bring my weight down to a mere 12.5 pounds above my goal. But what makes me nervous is that having to get up early to beat New York traffic (o.k., NO ONE beats New York traffic but you know what I mean) to get to the TV studio on time means I have to throw off the rhythm of my day, including what and how I eat.

Sure I’m going to start out my day with my simple cup of coffee and fruit, like I always do, but having that be earlier than usual by a few hours, getting on the road, the increase of tension with less-than-agreeable other drivers, general nervousness and location all mean that the meals that follow may or may not get to be the healthiest I could have. Does New York have healthier food choices? Oh, yeah it does. But will I be close to any of them? I simply don’t know.

My brain tells me I’m being silly, that I know what I should and shouldn’t have and, therefore, won’t have it. I’ll wait until either a healthier choice pops up or wait until I return to good ol’ Cherry Hill, New Jersey for a morsel of din. But I know the rest of me better than that. I know the little devil that sometimes rules over my stomach which says “ah, go on. How often are you going to be in New York? Go to that Halal cart you like so much and get yourself a nice heaping plate of chicken and lamb, rice, pita and wash it all down with an ice-cold Co – “, er, you know, the soda that shall not be named.

So tomorrow, like it is so many times during a day or in a week, becomes a chance to flex some will (Bill) power and NOT put tempting foods in my mouth. No one forces me to eat bad foods no matter where I am. And that number on the scale IS coming down and I want it to keep coming down to re-reach my 225 pounds. So to help occupy my brain I’ll play a game I like to play especially during Oscar time – changing the names of television shows or movies into food-related pun names (kind of like the adult film industry does but much, much cleaner). Some I’ve already thought of are:

• Planet of the Grapes
• Pie Hard
• Family Pie
• Lord of the Onion Rings (One Onion Ring to Rule Them All)
• The Breakfast Club Sandwich
• The Codfather
• The French Toast Connection
• The Hunt for Bread October
• Hot Sub Time Machine
• Iron Manwich 2
• Chex and the City

I will be OK I’m sure of it, no matter whether I play a cheesy, geeky name game or not. And on Friday morning I will tell you guys all about the show, but most of all I’ll tell you how I didn’t give in to the smells and tastes of one of the greatest food cities on Earth.

Damn. I hate waking up late. That sudden rush of adrenaline and fear when you realize you’re hours past when you wanted to wake up and not where you wanted or expected to be. Kind of like Michael J. Fox at the beginning of “Back to the Future.”

This morning started out OK. I gently rose with both of my alarm clocks (the sun and the radio) and noticed it was only half-past-six. So what did I do? Rolled over, of course, and decided in my sleepy haze that twenty more minutes would be great (I will always want my twenty more minutes). Well, little did I realize that that twenty more minutes would turn into almost three freaking hours. Yikes!!!!!

So I did what any normal Joe would do – I immediately hopped out of bed, terrified that so much time had gone. I looked back at the clock and confirmed that I wasn’t seeing an 8 but a 9 (grrrrr), got dressed and went immediately to work. But those of you who know me know I hate being late. Even though I work from home and do this blog I hate being late. Being late sets the tone for the day, and makes me feel like I am constantly behind the 8-ball.

Now in an instance like this in my former life (driving to work) I would be grabbing myself something quick and fast on the way. No doubt my extra crunchy (sugary) coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts and a breakfast sandwich of some type. But now that I work from home it’s safe and dangerous all at the same time. I could easily reach for my darling clementines – those delicious, small seedless wonders – or make something completely bad, a comfort food that will calm me down. Something that involves sausage, or bacon (bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon) or syrupy. But I remind myself that I can’t, especially with my weight creeping back up. In the end that’s what calms me down, that wonderful voice inside my head, body and heart saying “don’t eat crap.”

So I take a deep breath and focus. I hate starting my day stressed and certainly do not want to start my day stress eating. It is such a danger for me. I am an emotional eater, and stress is one of those emotions that can make you eat without realizing it. In those situations I eat something just to occupy my body in some way without thinking twice to the calories I am consuming. I hate that. When I am sad I turn to my comfort foods. While I know what I am eating in those situations I tend to eat lots more than I should because I try to take away that sadness and replace it with warm, good feelings that I think food will provide. But it only works for a while, and the only thing I feel is being full. And after, all I’m left with is an extra pound or two.

Today, though, I had my clementines and am about to make a cup of very crunchy coffee (coffee with extra extra sugar) and start my day of writing. I had had it all worked out, what I was going to write about today (which was a follow-up to my tough love blog helping people who seemingly need help), but I will save that for tomorrow. In a way I’m glad I woke up late, sort of like a test you pass unexpectedly.

That’s how I know this will be a successful week. That’s how I know I will continue to lose this weight and keep it off.  That’s how I know I actually learned something on my weight loss journey.

As you guys know I am in New York attending a conference on all things website. I won’t bore you with the same details with which I was almost bored to sleep (literally – I had to get coffee during one of the panels or it would have been snooze city) but overall it was a great day for day one and I did end up learning tons about stuff so that I could enhance my own weight loss website. That’s the only way I can put it because my brain is mush.

However, the biggest and best thing I learned yesterday didn’t come from one of the speakers. It came from a mom (I won’t say her name for fear she’d be embarrassed). I ran into her while waiting on the last session of the day to begin. While we both waited I started talking to her about what I do and it was as if her eyes lit up. She told me all about her son and how her son, who is only twelve, has already felt the acute sting of what it’s like to be a heavy child.

Even though he’s not obese, he was chubby and his friends and schoolmates constantly let him know in the ever-so-brutally-honest way that only children can. He was the object of jokes and they made him sad, hurt and, worst of all, alone. I so remember what it was like being an obese kid. Even though I should have fit into clothes designated for kids my age I had to get the next size or two up from that just to find stuff that fit. My “friends” made fun of my stomach and my lack of physical ability because of it. I was called “fatty,” “Buffalo Bill” (that was a popular one), “Big Bill…” You name it. And I used to go home and cry about it…then eat to try to get rid of the pain.

I know exactly what this kid is going through because I went through it myself being an overweight child. Then, as I grew into adulthood it went from bad to worse. The brutal honesty of children gave way to the absolute meanness of high schoolers. Man, they were merciless, especially at a time when I was becoming a young adult, trying to attract girls and trying to maintain what little I had left of a positive body image. That is how my sense of humor became so honed. I needed it in both grammar and high schools just to deflect that pain away from me – even if it meant being the butt of my own jokes about myself. Laughter was the only way I could hide that pain. And believe me there was a lot of pain.

As an adult the insults became less but only because adults (well, most adults) learn to mask insults. But nothing, absolutely nothing, can take the look out of someone’s eyes. You can tell what a person is thinking just by looking at them. Like when I boarded a plane…or entered a restaurant.

When I heard this mom’s story all I wanted to do was tell her son it’s OK and that he is absolutely not (I repeat NOT) alone, which is why I, thanks to her son’s story and my newly-found knowledge from yesterdays brain-scrambler series of talks and seminars, am going to devote an upcoming portion of my website to children and weight loss. I know now there are so many of us “fat kids” out there who need a place to go to know they are safe. That’s all, safe. Safe from the barbs and stings of words that cut like swords. Safe from even being made fun of because they’re crying. I used to do that, too. But no more. Thanks in part to Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” initiative childhood obesity is getting the attention it deserves, shining a light on a problem that’s been festering for decades.

This mom told me that her son has worked hard to get his own extra weight off, which he has done, but that he still says “Mom, I’m fat” when he slips or has a bad eating day (sound familiar?). But help is on the way, kid. Help is on the way. Just know there are many of us out there who has not just survived being pre-teens and teenagers, a feat in-and-of itself. We also have taken the weight off to become healthier and happier people armed with a new way of living so we never see those pounds again.

You can do it, kid. As much as I have faith the adults reading this blog will reach their weight loss goal weights, I have faith in you, too. So keep watching this site. Because through it all, us adults and you kids alike, will get to our weight loss goals. We absolutely will and we will do it together.

Sometimes the best things come in simple packages.

I am asked all the time, “Bill. What’s your secret? How did you lose all that weight?” Each question asked like the answer is going to be like the wave of a magic wand – quick and easy. When I give the answer you can almost see the person deflate, as if I had just told her she or he would never be happy again.

“Watching what I eat and exercise.”

Bah! Who wants to hear that? But it get’s better. The next question I’m asked is the one that really separates the adults from the children.

Q: “Bill, how long did it take?”

If you follow my blog (and I hope you do kind of like the old Prell commercials. I’d love for you to tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and so on, and so on…) then you’ll know there is no magic pill. There is no “oh you can do this by next week (or even next month). My answer is simple:

A: “It took me three-and-a-half years.”

Again, if the person wasn’t deflating before this really put the pin in the balloon.

Q: “You mean to tell me I actually have to exercise and it might take that long?”

A: “Yup.”

Response: “Sigh.”

I get these questions a lot and I really do not mind answering them at all. I have always been a person who tries to set an expectation so that anyone else attempting what I did isn’t going into it with blinders on. But I heard a question yesterday I hadn’t heard before and the simple yet beautiful answer shocked even me.

I was talking to a new weight loss buddy of mine and she shared with me the story of her conversation with a personal trainer. I can’t remember whether it was she who asked this question or the trainer relayed it to her as part of an overall answer but the question was justified and the answer simply incredible.

Q: “What is the best exercise to do if you want to lose weight?”

A: “The one you will keep doing for the rest of your life.”

For some reason that hit me like a ton of dumbbells. I was expecting something like “Well, you could do 100 abdominal crunches followed by 25 ABC and then 25 XYZ.” But no, the answer was simply “whatever you’ll do for the rest of your life.” And that is so true.

It took me a while to find out what exercises I like doing. The elliptical intimidate dthe crap out of me the first time I even looked at the bloody thing. I had heard such stories about it. “Oh man, that thing kicked my ass.” Or “I can only do ten minutes on it before I’m ready to fall over.” But I ended up loving the elliptical and now I can do half-an-hour on it (maybe more) each time. And today, I am visiting a personal trainer for the first of two trial sessions to try to learn new exercises to further break up my exercise routine, tone up and lose the last 12 pounds I need to lose to reach my goal weight. And you bet your butt I’ll be blogging about that tomorrow.

So as you get ready to start (or even continue exercising) do the exercises that excite you. Do the exercises you get into and want to keep doing. That you miss when you don’t do them. The exercises that kick your butt but in a good way. Everyone’s exercise m.o. will be different but you really should enjoy exercising or else you won’t be able to keep it up as part of a lifestyle for the rest of your life.

The answer to that question really put the classic “good things come in small packages” spin on the age-old question. Except this time the phrase should be “the best answers come in simple packages.”

Q: “Do I really believe that?”

A: “Yup.”

I don’t know why but I am hung up on numbers.

Just yesterday I was talking with a great friend of mine who asked me why I seemed to be so stuck on the numbers of my weight. You know. My actual weight day after day.And not just the finding out every day part but also the being upset part if I re-gain a few ounces.

“Hmmmmm,” I said, “I weigh myself every day to help keep myself accountable.” But I started thinking to myself” “Why don’t I  weigh myself once every few days?” Where is the harm in that? And the answer is I don’t know. I’ve shared with you guys before how scared I get sometimes about the slippery slopes I know I face when it comes to food. I know food is our friend and I eat everything in moderation but there are certain days, weekends, events and life happenings I know trigger in me an overwhelming desire to consume food.

And here it is Sunday already. There is always something about weekends for me that put me on my foodie guard just a little more than weekdays. I have no idea why. Actually, I know why. Seeing friends and doing things had always been the excuses I gave to eat and eat and eat some more.

But in talking with my friend she reminded me of how not just worried she became about my weight but also how mad she got at me for letting myself get that big. That using those excuses of friends and social get-togethers I ate my ass off (well, more to the point I ate my way to a much bigger ass).

The conversation I had last night just really served as a reminder to me to focus on the big picture (no pun intended). When I was gaining I didn’t tackle the reasons WHY I was gaining. And now that I’ve lost to not solely focus on the number (especially if I gain back a pound or two) but pull back and see HOW my lifestyle has changed and WHY it will be changed for the rest of my life (and how that will mean those slippery slopes will be avoided).

I will still continue telling you guys my weight. That is part of the covenant I made with you. But I will, from now on, heed my own advice. No more “GRRRRS” or anything if or when I gain point-five-pounds. That is a part of life. This process. And if I gain I know I will re-lose it. It’s not about th number it’s about the man that now takes better care of himself because of it.

Happy Tuesday, my friends.  Today is going to be a busy day and there’s tons on my “to-do” list.

I have stuff to do for the website, errands to run and phone calls to return. And while all of that is all well and good that is basically a great cocktail (at least for me) to eat badly. And you know the kind of eating I mean. The mindless kind, where you’re working so hard you grab something handy and just sit back down to continue working. I can’t do that. I won’t do that.

Part of why I can’t do that is that I need to get my butt to the gym. I have been doing well lately changing up my exercise routine (man, I can really feel it in my legs) and I am watching what I eat (and trying to lay off the sodas/pops). But sitting at one’s desk does pose a challenge. I know how busy we all can get. I know when time is of the essence and things need to get done and how little time you have. I really do.

I remember a time in my life when I used to be so caught-up in work I just reached over while still reading my computer screen to gram whatever-it-was I had for lunch and shove it into my mouth. On some days it was pizza. Most days Chinese food. Man. Why wasn’t it ever a salad/ Why wasn’t it ever fruit or a veggie? Or even just less of what I was eating? I wish I could tell you. I hadn’t had my “epiphany” yet, that moment I knew I had to wrest control of my life back from me for me.

So do me a favor today. OK? If you have a busy day coming up today take a look at what you eat today and make a note of it. Then, when you do have time, ask yourself if there was a way to do that better. For example, if you know you’ll be running from meeting to meeting brown bag lunch and carry it with you throughout the day so you’re prepared. You know, that sort of thing.

And I will take today in hand, too, and do the best I can (as we all do) on this weight loss and maintenance journey. Which reminds me I need to add “run to the store for healthier snacks” to my “to-do” list for today.Another thing I am doing today is talking to a personal trainer about steps we all can take to get leaner which I will share with you when he and I finally do have a chance to sit down.

See, lots to keep track of. During it all I will keep track of the snacks I have, the meals I eat and the exercise I get. This way, at the end of today, I can look back and say “yes,” “no” or “eh, so-so.” So have a great day, my friends. And remember. The number one thing on the top of your “to-do” list has to be you. No matter what. Remember that and everything else will fall into place.