Determined To Succeed

Day one-hundred-six.

OK. Let’s face it. I suck at watching myself as much as I should over the weekend. I just do. Although I go into the weekend with as much vim and vigor as I can muster, I simply don’t keep it up and I fall into that deadliest of traps…saying “I’ll do it tomorrow.” Although in my case that is the truth. Today, after I write this and get some things done around the house I am getting my fat ass up and heading to the gym. That will be good, especially since this week is the eat of eats, Thanksgiving.

I did end up exercising on Friday and again on Saturday, which is good. However, after a spectacular workout Saturday morning I was done, over, finished, fin, and I shouldn’t have been. I ate like a pig both days and I am mad at myself for doing so. The (semi) good news is that I only gained a pound-and-a-half. Woo-freaking-hoo! That has me thrilled beyond belief! But still that is no excuse for eating the way I did.

What did I do right? Well, my workouts kicked arse. I did my boxing, I did my half hour on the elliptical, I did weights, I did push-ups, tummy crunches and more. It was awesome. But it was cold as shit outside after when walking back to my car and sweat plus the cold equals the chills for hours after. But I felt great. I do wish, though, we could alter ourselves so as not _ NOT – get a taste for sweets during the day, and particularly during our watching of some movies or TV. Curse the tongue and its forever-hungry tastebuds for wanting chocolate chip cookies.

Sigh. All that being said, like I said, I did O.K. this weekend. I am going to do my best to get down to 238-point-something before Turkey Day, though. This way I can enjoy a bit of Thanksgiving. Although I will eat slowly, as promised so I can feel full after not eating so much. But that still leaves the question – why do I suck at the weekends so badly.

I think at least part of it has to deal with being in the mindset of the work week. The regular Monday through Friday part of things that drives me to be better. In other words, I lump work in with work and not working with the weekend. So. O.K. mental note, I need to stay in work(out) mode on weekends. Duely noted.

I think this week’s Determined To Succeed weight loss blogs are going to be short. Not because I’m trying to cheat anyone out of Nobel Prize-worthy material but because I need to get movin’ and remember thouse new rules and regulations I laid down for myself. I simply must lose this weight no matter how yummy things are and how weekendy things feel. That’s my job, quest, ambition and goal. And something more…

…something about which to be very thankful I can work toward any day of the year.

Day ninety-five (and a half).

O.K. I have to confess I am writing my Friday/Saturday/Sunday weekend weight loss blog on Thursday night instead of Friday morning. I have a meeting I need to attend way the hell out in bufu (is that how you spell it?) which starts at 9:00 a.m. So, instead of getting up before dawn starts cracking (and I was still sleeping for all intents and purposes anyway) I figured I’d give everyone my best, take advantage of my good momentum today and kick off all our weekends a bit early.

I did carry through with what I said I was gonna do. After I was all done posting my mushy, gushy mashed potato blog (mmmmm, mashed potatoes – oh, sorry) I took myself to go workout. It was awesome. I did my usual half-hour on the elliptical followed by some shadowboxing, tummy crunches, push-ups (yeah, you heard me, push-ups!), leg kicks and yoga. It was the most relaxing hour, not to mention it felt soooooo good on my achy right hip. Also, the gym was nearly empty which is awesome. I have to say working out gives me mental momentum, too. There’s something about sweating that clears the mind and helps you focus (well, at least it helps me focus).  And after the afore-mentioned meeting tomorrow (Friday) I plan to ditch my suit and throw on some sweats and hit the gym yet again.

Nothing like momentum to keep ya’ going, eh?

I also feel like such a bonehead. I completely forgot to mention it is Veterans Day today (Thursday), a day during which we honor our past and present military which is also observed as Remembrance Day in other parts of the world. Falling on November 11, Veterans Day marks the anniversary of the signing of the Armistice that ended World War I (major hostilities of World War I were formally ended at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918 with the German signing of the Armistice).

As many of you have read I am celebrating my own different and unique kind of peace. A peace that can only be achieved when demons are vanquished and the mind, body and spirit are brought back together as one, which for me took years. I said it the other day, I am saying it now and I will say it forever – I will let nothing, absolutely NOTHING, take away my peace. So going into this Veterans Day evening I wanted to mention a couple of things…

…one, how grateful I am to our past and present military for their service to this country for it is because of their service (and sacrifice) we enjoy freedom. It is absolutely our duty to keep in touch with what’s going on in the world (including the recently foiled bomb plots) to constantly remind ourselves what they fought, and are fighting, for. That we can enjoy peace in our own homes with our families is a gift. So thank you to all who serve(d).

…two, that the personal peace I am enjoying right now is something I want to enjoy forever, so I do not think mentioning momentum (something which implies movement) and peace (something that implies blissful rest) in the same sentence is wrong. One helps get to the other and I so want to continue my momentum for personal peace – peace in mind, my body in in my spirit – for the rest of my life.

 I do not know how many of you are out there checking in with me and Determined To Succeed (and thank you if you do) but I hope you get a chance to take care of yourselves this weekend, too. It’s supposed to be beautiful this weekend, with mild weather in the low- to even the mid-sixties (at least here in southern New Jersey). Unbelievable! That means I get a bonus chance to do some outdoor working out. Even if it’s  just a walk around the park it sounds great, looking at all the trees turning their gorgeous fall colors. Awesome! Simply awesome! It is that perfect chance for  momentum towards inner peace I want us all to continue not just this weekend but each and every day. For if we keep that momentum going, pressing forward and doing what we need to do we can achieve that peace – peace of mind, peace of body and peace in soul – we all strive for in our lives and which I strive for in mine.

Have a great weekend, everyone. And if you know or are a vet, tell them thank you for me, too. Talk to you all on Monday.

Day eighty-one.

Ugh. I am fighting an “attack of the lazies.” You know what I’m talkin’ about (Willis). That “come hither” call you get from your couch or favorite chair to make yourself comfortable, turn on the boob tube and find something that allows you to sink down and waste the day watching this or that. But that’s exactly what it is, at least to me, a waste. Sure, are there days when laying back and enjoying are cool? You bet your ass. But when there is no bloody good damned reason for you to be laying there other than re-watching a movie you’ve seen a hundred times then it’s time to get up and get your move on.

Yesterday, I had a great mixed martial arts session with Sensei Doug and sweated my ass off. There’s nothing like a great workout to try to get the mind right. I also ate better. Not that I haven’t been trying but I seriously curtailed the Coke Zero and cut down on the chocolate (weening is a slow process). For my efforts I am down a half-pound today (239.4) and I’ll take it.

See, getting my move on helped.

One of my problems, though, is staying “in the zone” to workout. I wake up in the morning all full of energy to workout and I find I still have to convince myself to do it later on. I mean nothing really changes in the couple/few hours between waking up and having the time. It’s just that I get lazy. That’s the honest way to say it. I just get lazy sometimes and lose the want and desire to get my move on. But I know I can’t today. During my workout yesterday my right hip (and my hips in general) were so tight it was uncomfortable to do some of the yoga stretches after the workout. That’s not cool. So today when I hit the gym (AND I WILL BE HITTING THE GYM) I will focus on stretches in addition to other sweaty stuff so that my workouts are better…

…and so that I don’t feel like a slug.

I am human and fight that vicious cycle we all go through. I want to lose weight and I know I have to exercise and eat right doing it. But there are times I don’t feel like it (and get lazy), so my weight stays the same or goes up and I get all frustrated. It is a cycle and one I try to break, mainly because I recognize it when it happens. I just need to keep that energy up to make exercise happen. So today I’m getting my ass up, getting my move on and working out. And it’s not that I am feeling bad or am hurting that bad. I am just fighting that attack of the lazies I get every now and then. That’s all. So all I need to take is two miles on the elliptical and call myself in the morning.

The lazies may be a fun bunch to hang out with. They can always find SOMETHING on television to watch, even when crap is on. But today is nice (I am sure THE last over 70-degree day we will have in Jersey until next Spring so I need to get up, grab a shower and start the day keeping in mind that the more I move the more that numnber on the scale will go down.

You hear that, you lazies? I want that a helluva lot more than a re-re-re-re-re-run of, well, anything.

Day seventy-two.

Hey there, everybody. So sorry today’s blog post is so late. I am just now feeling myself after a major (although not my worst) allergy attack. Stupid dust particles. The irony is that I got my allergy attack cleaning. Ain’t that a kick in the pants. Oh well, you always have to crack a few eggs to make that omelette and I sure did yesterday. Vacuuming and deep rug cleaning felt awesome and it looks so much better – the fruits of labor far outweighing the sneezes.

So today I am up a pound-and-a-half. I don’t know how exactly that happened but it did. When I got on the scale today it read 238.7 and I was sooooooo not pleased. Hell, I even thought the sweat I was producing while cleaning would have taken care of some of that weight but I guess it didn’t. Oh well to that, too, I guess. I will re-lose it. I have no doubt. I will just get back on the elliptical.

Getting back to cleaning for a minute, though, I have to wonder why, once we clean, can’t things stay clean for a time. Ever notcie that? Like when we dust how it seems that the thing dusted just accumulates dust again? Hurmph. Or in weight loss, why can’t we enjoy our new lower weight for a time – kind of like that time I was a kid and wanted the sky to stay that gorgeous royal blue color. I know it doesn’t but once I get to a weight I wish we could stay there no matter what. Sigh.

When I was a kid I used to watch a TV show called “The Great Space Coaster.” It was an awesome show for 8-12 year olds and had educational messages in such an entertaining format. I know if I watched that show today I would be less than enchanted but it worked at the time. Anywho, there was an episode that dealt with science and the science of entropy – how everything in the universe tends towards disorder from order. What a crazy concept but it is so true. Even the cleanest of rooms can become a home for cobwebs and a sheet of dust thicker than, well, a sheet. Also, that dust can get into things like TVs, stereos and computers making them all eventually not perform well or, worst of all, break down. And that’s just from not using things.

This is why we always have to clean.

I thought about this as I was doing that deep rug cleaning and vacuuming. How nice it is to enjoy that clean and that I better enjoy it while it lasts. But not just that but also that if I want to keep enjoying it I have to keep cleaning – dusting, vacuuming and washing. That’s the only way.

Yep, you guessed it – that’s my weight loss message for today. Weight loss and its benefits are only permanent if we keep working at them, no matter how much we want to lose weight and then do nothing else as if we deserve to be there no matter what we eat or drink. And hey, don’t shoot the messenger. I’m just laying out the truth, a truth that I, myself, have to take every single day.

My place may be clean now but small little particles of dust have already come since last night and have landed on my clean spots, damn them. And so I go back to work today making sure I let them know who’s boss. And once that is done and the rug cleaner returned I will do that for the fat cells in my body. I will hit the gym, have a great workout and sweat my ass off so I can get rid of my fat the only way I know how – hard work.

I do not want my body to ever again tend toward the disorder of 400 pounds. I know I keep saying that but it is the absolute truth. But to get there I have to now finish the cleaning I did last night and crack the final eggs and make my cleanliness omelette. Once that’s done I can go and work on myself in the gym…thinking about all the clean and wonderful fruits I get to see when I get back home. Have a great day, everyone, and don’t let entropy come and get you.

Day sixty-one.

Happy weekend, everyone! And what a beautiful weekend it’s supposed to be. Sunny and high’s in the low to mid 70s. Awesome weather (and probably our last chance to really get out and do outdoorsy stuff before the reality that Fall is here finally hits and we have to bundle up in sweaters, jackets and hats – oh, my).

I had a great day yesterday, anchored by the fact I continue to go down in my weight thanks in no small part to the three-and-a-half miles I did on the elliptical yesterday. I did that right around lunchtime and it felt great. It made me remember a time when I worked at the aquarium. When I made the decision to lose weight I would get up and walk around the building and use as many steps as I could to get my lunch. In other words I had to work for it just a little more and it paid off. Hell, it continues to pay off. I am at 238.0 today and I feel great.

I also had a great day yesterday because I had the chance to be moderator for a panel on healthy eating tips for people on-the-go. It was a blast! It was almost like every food group was represented but with people - a “Breakfast Club” of sorts. However, instead of a jock, a basket case, a princess, a brain and a criminal we had a chef, a dual restaurant owner, a mom’s health advocate, a world-renowned author on health advocacy and a City of Philadelphia Councilwoman. Each one of the panelists was fantastic, and the chef (for the restaurant Seasons 52) brought everyone in attendance small samples of healthy-portioned desserts. Again, awesome (and delicious – that pecan pie was amazing).

Most of all I had a chance to share my weight loss story. I get absolutely excited to share with people my weight loss journey and how I discovered the keys to losing weight and keeping it off. That invigorates me and helps keep me going, especially after meeting some cool people including a woman who is having pain in her knees (just like I had) from carrying around extra weight she is trying to lose. I also met a police officer who is on his own fantastic weight loss journey having already lost about 60 pounds, although he now has to contend with a back injury that is sidelining his exercise routine. I wished them and others well and much luck in their own journeys and I will say that hearing people and their trials and successes helps keep me going, too.

Any of you know that I always have a little bit of extra worry about not exercising and eating too much going into weekends. Well, today is Friday and I know I do not have to worry one bit because I am so juiced! I had a great day and night yesterday, I have been making food at home and loving it (and saving a massive amount of money in the process of not eating out so much), I am continuing to exercise (and yes, I am gonna be doing my martial arts workout today and hitting the gym this weekend at least once more) and most of all I am appreciating life. I am human and do enjoy food, sometimes a bit too much, but with each day brings new chances and new beginnings and this day is just as full of those new chances. So today I am going to embrace those chances and make the most of my opportunities to invest time and energy and sweat into the best investment of all – me. And you should, too. Even if it’s just a walk around the block or park, an extra push-up (or just one or two) or sit-up and  jumping jack, invest some of your energy in you.  Not only will it leave you feeling great but it’s a wonderful way to begin or continue a weight loss journey, begin a weekend and make the sky that much bluer and the air that much warmer.

Have a great weekend. I will talk to you all on Monday.

Day Fifty-seven.

Did you guys ever watch “Lost In Space” when you were a kid? Of course, I wasn’t around when the original 60s show was on the air but I did catch them in reruns throughout my childhood and remember, very vividly, Dr. Smith, the mischievous stowaway (and comic relief) whose favorite way of complaining was to say “Oh, the pain…Oh, the pain…”

Well, my friends. Oh, the pain ! Do I ever ache today! And today is way better than yesterday!!! My sensei, the awesome Doug Shaffer, warned me that the first mixed martial arts workout back from being out for a bit was going to hurt. But, damn!!! He didn’t warn me my legs were gonna burn and feel like spaghetti for two days straight! Well, O.K., he actually did but I keep telling myself it’s a good pain (and I know it is). It’s just a bitch when I am trying to get back into the routine and my muscles ache like when I first started weight loss and martial arts fitness months ago.

It started out just as I expected. My body needed serious warming up. Sensei Doug invited me to come a few minutes early to check out the adult karate class going on as a sort of dual “get inspiration to jump back in”/”see some of the things we’ve learned put into use.” That was very cool, especially since I learned a neat block a potential clubbing move. Anywho…the time came for me to take to the mat and I started my day.

Sensei went easy on my to begin with, just some light punching of the bag, followed by kicking. But that’s when things started to get rough. We did line work, we did tricep dips (how I struggled to get through my usually good 20), we did push-ups (at least I did ten really good, almost full push-ups), more line work, ab rocking and kicking, more punching, more kicking, Turkish get-ups, lunges, the four corners…and despite the awesome stretches after it was enough to turn my limbs into little more than useless linguine. By the time my hour was over I was sweating but I could feel how much I hadn’t worked out…and how much I knew I was gonna feel it later.

Later that afternoon I took a really long as-close-to-hot-as-I-get shower and that seemed to help. “Seemed” being the operative word. Little did I know what was in store for me yesterday…

When I woke up it was as if I was being weighed down my a ton of bricks that burned my arms and legs (especially my legs) every time I tried to move. Oh yes, I felt every minute of that 60-minute workout. I know I’m gonna be a great old guy one day because all I wanted to do (besides moan and groan) was to sit in a nice comfy position with the greatest invention ever – the heating pad – and just not move. In other words, I sooooo wished I had the power of telekinesis (or the Force) to call things to me.

But, it was a good pain. It really was. One of the things I knew during my workout, besides that I knew I was gonna hurt) was how much I missed doing it. How much I missed being on the mat, hitting the bag and making myself sweat. Did my abs, arms, back and (most of all) legs hurt? You bet your ass. But it’s supposed to hurt. That’s why the word “work” is in workout. It is work but it’s work you put into yourself and that always feels good.

Today’s blog is late (and so sorry about that, loyal readers) due to a dental appointment today. However, I am going to try to make it to the gym later to begin my normal workouts again. Why? Because I am down to 241.0 today and that feels awesome! It’s better than the 243.3 I was on Friday and it’s better every day. So I can’t wait to hit the gym to do some elliptical work, as well as some extra tricep dips to catch myself back up. Yes, a workout hurts from time to time but always remember two things…

…one, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…

…two, pain is only temporary. Quitting lasts forever, and I sure as heck ain’t gonna quit my weight loss journey. No matter how much I feel my thighs burning from lunges today.

Day forty-six.

You ever get a “wild hair?” That urge so strong to do something that it just takes over your actions until it comes to fruition? Well, these past weeks, which have been the most mentally healthy of my life, I have had a few wild hairs come across my mind to do, most notably the wild hairs to clean, to workout and to cook.

Take, for instance, last night. I had a wild hair to cook and cook Italian. I just had to smell garlic, tomatoes and onions saute in a pan with some olive oil. I don’t know why but I did. I wanted to feel like a chef, I guess, filling the house with the aroma of food being prepared. I love standing at the counter chopping vegetables and heating up a pan and throwing them in even though it’s hot as hell in the kitchen. Now, because I didn’t take all day to prepare a true “gravy” I used my saute to doctor some already made sauce (a sin, I know, but I will make a better “gravy” soon). Then I topped it off with a nice slices of Italian sausage. Damn, that was tasty and I ate only one portion. Now it was a slightly bigger portion than I should have had but the important thing is that there are leftovers and I stopped myself from eating more, and that’s a great thing.

I have also been finding I love doing things where I invest a bit of sweat-equity in myself. I love going to the gym and working out like I have these past few days. I love doing a half-hour on my elliptical, shadowboxing, roundhouse kicks, tricep dips (since I am still trying to put ammo in my “guns”), push-ups…the whole lot. I love going to my mixed martial arts class and having the sweat drip onto the mat (that’s an honor, by the way).  Most of all, I love seeing the numbers on my scale sloooooooly decrease (I am at 238.5 today) as I work toward re-reaching my goal of 225. And did I mention I can’t wait to workout again today?

Finally, I have really enjoyed the cleaning wild hair. I am just digging through crap and purging things I truly don’t need and finding out how much, well, crap there really was. This is mainly due to the work I have been doing mentally and emotionally. I purging crap there, too. That is how you know good work is being done – when you can get down to the core of the matter and see what caused X, Y and Z which helps you with A, B and C. And did you guys know hoarding is a way of dealing with abandonment issues? I sure as hell didn’t until my therapist told me. But it makes all the sense in the world.Also, as I get down to things and purge I find it is helping me not binge eat, too. So amazing how that all ties together.

Well, all I can say is that these wild hairs have been most beneficial to me lately. They are part of the stuff helping make me an evolving and better man, one who is changing a little bit every day to be healthier. And it’s certainly working for my weight loss, too. Not only am I cooking more these days but I’m curbing my consumption levels again (which is helping bring that weight down more and more) AND saving a shitload of money in the process. Amazing what NOT eating out all the time can do, eh?

Well, that’s all I got for today. A short and sweet blog to help keep you going. Oh, and if you get one of those wild hairs to take time for yourself, listen to them and do them. You won’t be sorry because nothing feels as good as when you are working on you for a change.

Day fifteen.

It’s a bright and sunny day today.The sky is clear, absolutely clear and the rest of the day lies ahead. How many times did I say that to try to look at the day optimistically? To make the most of the time and beauty in a day? Many, many times, I know. And there were times, especially in my weight loss, where I did make the most of that time, like when I made time to get a workout. But in my addiction that gradually regressed until many of my days were pissed away with me only doing the bare minimum.

I attended my fourth twelve-step meeting yesterday and my first direct appointment on Saturday, and both were great at helping cut through the stuff and get to the core of what brought me to this point.  It was the fear of not being liked and it was that fear that truly got me so far away from who I was that I lost sight of me for a long, long time…and made me eventually lose sight of my religion, as well.

When I say religion I do not necessarily mean going to church and praying, although there is a component to that, too. No, I meant my religion in terms of taking care of myself and working out. These past couple of weeks have truly challenged me into acknowledging how much I let that slip in all this. I am a believer in God. I know there are many variations of higher beings out there for many different people and beliefs, and that’s cool. But I do believe in God and as much as I haven’t attended actual church I stopped praying at the alter of the elliptical, free weights and leg presses, too.

This last week specifically I have been making that time to reconnect with working out. I added in at least one hour every day solely dedicated to hitting the gym. And almost every day last week (save for one where it was unavoidable to not workout) I got my ass back to the gym to not only supplement the martial arts training but to get back to my core, the man I want to become physically, too. And it’s working. It really is working.

Like I said attending the meetings has been such a wonderful thing in so many ways, but it also serves as a reminder that I do have an obligation to restore the healthy in my life and to strive for that every single day because some people cannot or do not have the strength to do that. The meetings are the great reminder of one’s core gifts, and while we are all the same in that room you can tell, just tell, who is O.K. coming out of a meeting and who is holding on this/close to losing it all.

I came that close. I really did. Everything that’s happened has brought me to a point in life where I not only really face me for the first time but also deal with what’s really going on inside, what really made me act this way. I am actually excited again about things, among them going back to “church.” My church. The church of the gym and of fitness. The only thing I did right all this time was lose weight and I have to keep doing it right if for no one else than myself. But also for you guys, too.

We all lose our way. I know we do. In the twelve-step meetings they explain how there is no shame and no judgment. Just a way to connect with people going through the same stuff so you do know you’re not alone. The same can be said for this blog. I am human. I’ve always said that. I slip up and eat shit I’m not supposed to and there are days I don’t feel like working out. But there is no way we will get the results we want until we address our stuff and get to work. Not just physically but mentally, and not just mentally but physically. Plain and simple.

These past couple of weeks, part of what’s saved me and made my mind free is that exercise, the actual sweating, kicking and hitting a bag, doing six push-ups kind of exercise. Also, part of what’s saved me is the actual going to the gym by myself and hitting the elliptical, doing my kicks and punches in there, too, my tricep dips and my crunch turns. That is awesome. I am glad to say I am getting back in touch with religion. I know we all don’t believe in God, or a God, or even have something/someone to whom to pray. But that’s alright. That is a very personal thing, and it’s for each and every one of us to find whether we pray at the alter of the Lord or pray at the alter of the gym.

Thankfully, these days I’ve been doing both.

You all know I started taking martial arts classes about two months ago as a new way to workout given by the awesome sensei Doug Shaffer. It is awesome! I do things like shadowboxing, kicks, bag punches, leg and floor exercises and stretches and I do my best to try to repeat those exercises in a gym when I am not in my classes…

…but I never told you about how it FEELS to do it alone – without an instructor and to do these things in front of others.

When I am in my sensei’s training area, even though there is a huge clear window at the front which allows people to stare all they want (and sometimes they do) and the door is always open so they can come in I do not feel self-conscious about doing my shadowboxing, Turkish get-ups (my least favorite thing but only because by the time I do it my arms are really tired) and line kicks because my sensei is there with me. He is obviously guiding me. A casual passerby can look or drop in and say “O.K. the big guy’s the student and the other guy is telling him how to move…”

When I am alone in my gym it’s a different story. The gym I go to is of decent size but has machines and equipment throughout, enough to make line kicks hard because they are in the way and the space is way smaller. It’s also a challenge to find a good big space on the floor to do the get-ups and other floor stuff but I manage. Those things I can handle. The biggest problem I face is the problem we all face when we go to the gym…other people watching.

When people see you on an elliptical or using a treadmill or using free weights they can see something else physical, kind of like when people see an instructor in the room. It processes in the brain. Even if someone is on the floor doing crunches or push-ups you are familiar with those exercises so it doesn’t seem so, well, foreign. But when you are trying to walk the length of a gym back and forth kicking the air in front of you, or are trying to defeat Ivan Drago from “ROCKY IV” in your head as you punch air you can start to feel eyes on you. And even if they are not they FEEL like they are, because it’s not “normal,” like “what’s he doing?”

That’s when I focus and picture my sensei right next to me telling me “Give me two minutes of kicking legs and boxing arms…GO!” I put aside what I perceive as being looked at and focus on what I am doing. When I stand in the corner looking in the mirror practicing my punches or, better yet, my upward knee kicks, I imagine my sensei there telling me to “give him ten on each side, then go back to shadowboxing.”

Today when I hit the gym it’s going to be all about the abs, doing this rocking back and forth thing (kind of like a turtle on its back) which works out your abs like a sonofabitch. And I know that, to the untrained eye, I will look like a turtle. But I will look like a turtle doing his best not to get back on his feet but one trying to firm up his “flabs of steel.”

If you go to the gym and worry about how others look at you, don’t. That is a silly, silly waste of time and energy. Most people  go to a gym to do exactly what you are doing – get fit and exercise. I am sure there are some people who go to show off and/or to judge and those people can suck it. If you go to a gym or other public place to workout you have already taken that step. Don’t let perception drag you down.

Just imagine your own personal sensei (whatever/whoever that is) right by your side giving you the encouragement you need to keep going.

That is what Apollo’s trainer, who then becomes Rocky’s trainer, says to the fighter to help keep them going. To focus. To get back up.

I know I mention a lot of movies in this blog and ask you guys if you’ve seen this or that, but yesterday the most appropriate movie was on Encore – “Rocky II.” I’ve written about the “Rocky” movies before but they now have a slightly different significance than they did before, especially “Rocky II.”

For starters, I have a much deeper appreciation for the strength, stamina and technique of anyone who stands in any ring. I now know what it’s like to work a heavy bag, throw a punch or kick  (great stress relievers) and dance around a bit (which, by itself, can make you sweat. Trust me). I see punches in the movies differently now. In some way I can feel them and that adds a slightly greater realism to them for me. It brings me that much closer to them in a tactile way. But that’s me waxin’ all poetic…

…Before I continue, just in case some of you haven’t seen this awesome set of movies (skip “Rocky V” however. It was just O.K.) I will warn you now I will give away some of what happens in the movie that you may or may not want to know if you haven’t seen it. O.k., let’s step into the ring…

In “Rocky II,” we have Rocky’s rematch against Apollo Creed. The first “Rocky” was amazing because it wasn’t a movie about fighting. It was a love story. At the end, Rocky Balboa didn’t win the title but he gained respect, a greater sense of self and love. He got in that ring and gave it his best shot and that’s all we can do sometimes in this crazy, mixed-up world. In “Rocky II,” Rocky and Apollo go toe-to-toe again (and thanks to my awesome instructor, Doug Shaffer, I now know what that means) for the championship. This time, though, Rocky wins, but not in the way you’ve come to expect the hero to win.

Rocky wins because he simply got up. He was beaten. He was beyond tired. He was bloodied. He was punchy. He had no strength left. However, when both fighters are on the mat after one last punch and shear exhaustion send both down, the count starts…1…2…3…

…and both fighters, both warriors are struggling to regain some footing…

…4…5…6…7…

…both fighters are clinging to the ropes for help…

…8…9…

…Apollo is too exhausted and falls but Rocky plants both feet on the mat and stands…

…10! And Rocky is the winner. He is the winner becuae he fought his way through that pain and exhaustion to simply stand up. He didn’t let the physical keep him down. He won because that is what was needed to win. That is the sign of a winner, someone who gets back up after being knocked around and down so many times and keeps getting up. Some people would say that’s crazy. Me, I say it means you are a champion.

That is how I feel when my class kicks my ass. Do I hurt today, f%$# yes I hurt. My knees hurt (we did some new exercises that used more of those), my legs and hips ache and I was exhausted but you bet your ass I will be back on that mat tomorrow afternoon. Why? Because I ain’t gonna quit.

“No ref. Don’t stop this fight!”

That is how weight loss feels sometimes, I know. It beats you up. It makes you want to quit. You see those numbers remain stagnant or, worse yet, creep back up and it makes you want to stop the fight. But don’t. Please don’t. You can and will win. I know I make weight loss sound like a fight and a battle in in many ways it is. You fight through food urges, and you fight the urges NOT to exercise. But that is when the champion in your needs to simply just get back up on your feet.  That is how you win.

My martial arts class is physically challenging but awesome. It is the awesome you should feel after a good workout. It doesn’t matter if you simply do a few stretches because it’s all you can do. Or a few sit-ups or jumping jacks. That is an accomplishment. If you do more stuff, like the elliptical or treadmill, or use the weights in a gym. That’s an accomplishment.  And when you work up a sweat that is the sweat equity you give yourself, that I give myself, to let your body know you are in this fight to win.

More than anyone I know sometimes the hardest thing to do is get back up. But it is that getting back up and in the ring, that sweat, those tears, that make you the winner. Not how hard you throw a punch. Not the number of push-ups you can do. Just the fact you are doing them and doing them again tomorrow and the next day.

That is what feels good. And that is what allows you to stand in the center of the ring to yell loud and proud…

“…yo, Adrian! We did it!”