Determined To Succeed

I feel like such an old man today. Here I am sitting in my Family Guy/Stewie Griffin pjs, eating my morning cup of oatmeal and nursing a sore hip with my awesomely wonderful heating pad. Hurmph. If I wasn’t sitting at this computer right now knowing I’m only 39 I’d swear I was already in “the home” waiting on Julie McCoy, our cruise activities director, to tell us what light-on-the-dentures lunch we’ll be having while watching reruns of “Golden Girls,” “The Beverly Hillbillies,” “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” or “Happy Days” on that newfangled light box called a television tuned to Nickelodeon.

O.K., maybe I’m exagerating juuuuuuuust a little bit (although I’m going to make an awesome old dude one of these days – WAY in the future) but I am not kidding about the pjs, oatmeal and heating pad, which I needed yesterday after my martial arts workout. Please understand, my hip has always bothered me and I think it’s just the fact that I am working it out so much that it reminds me “hey, Larson! Yo. I’m here!”

But for some reason it really started to get stiff on me despite the wonderful yoga stretches my sensei has me do at the end of my class. Who knows? I might have just been sitting in an awkward position or moved it wrong. All I know is I was praising S.I. Russell last night and still am.

What?! “Who is S.I. Russell?” you ask? Well…in 1912 an American inventor named S.I. Russell patented the world’s first electrically heated warming pad. These particular heating pads, nothing more than a rather small piece of fabric with insulated coils used to heat the interior, were created for a quite specific target consumer base. Russell saw the necessity of heating the chests of patients with tuberculosis who were reclining outdoors. The outdoor air was something that patients with tuberculosis absolutely needed to help along their convalescence, but that same air could often become too chilly. Step in Mr. S.I. Russell and suddenly the problem of the cold air became a thing of the past.

This dude is my hero, and hero, I’m sure, to gajillions of people all around the world who need a little extra warmth or who, like me, need to put some heat on a sore hip.

Yesterday’s workout was awesome as usual. We worked more abs and for some reason my arms are sore (they so felt like spaghetti after the workout yesterday), but it is always well worth it. I then hydrated on water and orange juice (I know it has a lot of calories but I wanted something sweet and not a soda) and rested on the couch. But then old man-ness hit me and my hip started hurting. Ugh! So I placed my false teeth in the glass of water on the nightstand and turned on my trusty heating pad.

It feels much better today, and very much so. Although I’m going to have to do some yoga stretches to help loosen it up a bit so its not stiff today and for tomorrow’s second class of the week.  And since I’ve already had my energy-filled cinnamon oatmeal today I’m rarin’ to go. In fact I’m already thinking about grilled chicken and a veggie for lunch after I get more stuff done…which does mean getting out of my Stewie pjs and actually becoming an adult to start my day.

This hip, though, reminds me of being active for really the first time in my life. This period of weight loss has helped me extend my life and my quality of life in so many ways. Depending on your physical abilities right now and/or your level of activity you can add years, too. You are every single day you go for a walk, do sit-ups, anything. It’s awesome, and we have lots of summer and warm days left to be able to get out and enjoy things before we all get ourselves inside for the winter (yes, next to our heating pads)

Hell, I may never know how many years I’ve added to my life because of it but I do know I am able to do way more stuff now which makes life that much fuller, more fun and keeps “the home” that much farther away than it was when I was 400 pounds – if I would have even made it there at all. And with my hip being warmed I’m getting myself psyched for tomorrow’s martial arts class.  I may know (and feel) my hip today but it means I’m alive and enjoying life – and that’s a feeling that makes anyone feel eternally young.

Well, this is it. No, it’s neither the biopic released last year showing and detailing (at least in part) the planned series of fifty concerts by Michael Jackson to be held at The O2 arena in London, nor is it the 80s song by Kenny Loggins. It is, in fact, the day before the auditions for Oprah’s “win your OWN show” contest here in the good ol’ Garden State.

I am not really nervous at all about standing in front of a series of strangers telling them about my ideas for my own OWN show. I am, however, nervous and anxious about the actual process which begins for yours truly at around midnight tonight. That’s when I will be getting up and prepping to drive to the Kohl’s Store in Linden to try to secure my place in line since only the first 500 or so people are guaranteed to be seen by the casting directors for the show.

How does all this relate to weight loss you ask? Simple. Today and tomorrow are taking me out of my normal weight loss and maintenance routines just at the  time I have re-engaged my better exercise and eating routines to shed this last two or so pounds before June 9, the anniversary of my mom’s death. Also, not knowing exactly how this process will work I am not sure about food choices tomorrow.  I think I will be OK, though. I am going to pack drinks, healthy snacks and a sandwich in a cooler to bring with me (this way I am not tempted by the Dark Side of the food Force).

Since I have to be up at the crack of, well, er…since I have to get up in the dead of night (insert cheesy, spooky muah ah ah ah-kind of laugh here) I will not be writing a blog post for tomorrow, Saturday, morning. But you can bet your healthy fruit, egg and coffee breakfast on Sunday I will be telling you all about Bill’s Excellent Adventure including what I ate.

Speaking of which, I did really well yesterday, or at least I thought I did. I had a chicken salad sandwich from Chick-Fil-A yesterday. I usually go for their less than 300-calorie Chargrilled Chicken Sandwich (which only has approximately 3.5 grams of fat) but I wanted something different and, since it was hot outside, the coolness of chicken salad peaked my interest.

Sheesh! What a mistake I made! O.K. I know I’m not new and that chicken salad has mayo in it but I didn’t expect a healthy “looking” sandwich to have 500 CALORIES and 20 GRAMS OF FAT!!! Again, as Stewie Griffin from “Family Guy” would say, “What The Deuce?!” Here I thought I’d be having a light sandwich made with the chicken I think is actually seasoned with crack it’s so good and I ended up eating a sandwich that is worse (WORSE) than their own new (AND FRIED) Spicy Chicken Sandwich!

Let’s compare more apples to apples.

In addition to the 500 calories (180 of which are calories from fat) and 20 grams of fat (3.5 of which saturated), my chicken salad sandwich contained 4 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar (!), 52 grams of carbs, 80 grams of cholesterol and 29 grams of protein.

Compare that to their new (and again FRIED) Spicy Chicken Sandwich which has 490 calories (180 of which are calories from fat – same as the chicken salad) and 20 grams of fat (4.0 of which saturated, only 0.5 more), contains 4 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar (4 grams less)), 46 grams of carbs (6 grams less), 60 grams of cholesterol (a whole 20 grams less) and 31 grams of protein (2 grams more than the chicken salad).

The only significant way I found my “healthier” chicken salad to win was in the sodium department. The chicken salad has 1240 mg of sodium while the new Spicy Chicken Sandwich has 1730 mg.

Now that I think about it, maybe I am new. Damn! What a difference. Here I thought I healthy-looking sandwich on toasted wheat bread would be better for me than a fried chicken sandwich. HA, I tell you! HA! And even though I only bought the sandwich can you imagine if I had their (delicious) Waffle Fries with that? Without a drink that’s close to 1,000 calories!

(Also, did I mention the chicken sald laid a little heavy in my tummy afterward?)

Damn! Maybe I am new after all. See what extra ingredients, processing and mayo do to ya? Well, consider me “edumacated” (and yes, I did purposely misspell that) and know I will be going back to my grilled chicken sandwich if and when I do eat there again.

In the meantime I will continue getting ready for what will hopefully be a “first step into a larger world,” as Obi-Wan Kenobi says in “Star Wars.” And while I am doing that and prepping for the Oprah thing I will be packin’ a 310-calorie cold Italian Hoagie from Wawa. Not only is it a helluva lot healthier (no mayo, build your own with fresh veggies, etc.) but I know it’s 310 calories before I even order it! Wawa has this cool “Meal Builder” way to calculate calories in your food before you get there! It’s awesome! I love Wawa!

Have a great start to your weekend, my friends and check back in on Sunday morning for all the juicy details of how one man (O.K. probably thousands) is trying to live his dream waiting in a long-ass line dragging his cooler along for the ride. If anything it also makes a great stool on which to sit.

Ugh. This Stanley Cup series is wearing me out. Have you guys been watching? It is an awesome series being played by two very good teams (go Hawks!), but the back and forth drama is enough to make me nervously eat for a month. Don’t worry I didn’t, even though I so wanted to drown my sorrows last night (the Blackhawks lost in OT by a score of 4-3) in the nearest pint of strawberry ice-cream. So today my “days without incident” now stand at three.  I actually ended up having steamed chicken and broccoli and brown rice from my fave Chinese food restaurant and – wait for it – a glass of ice water! Two points for me! Er, wait. Is that how you score points in hockey, with a field goal or home run or something? And when does the penalty kick come in?

Well, anyway, staying up late last night to watch the game made me tired as hell this morning. That, in turn, made me far less motivated to get up and join the world today. I know I have stuff to do but I am so waiting for the day we can mentally project what we want to do and have it be done (oh, well. Not in this lifetime anyway). So I lay in bed on mornings like this making my mental list of how cool it is to get out of bed. I know it sounds cheesy but you guys know I am Captain Cheese, Mr. Velveeta…if life were a Philly cheesesteak I’d be the “extra wiz” poured on top.

Chief on my list to accomplish today is more exercise. Yep, getting my ass up, throwing on sweats and gym shoes is top of my list to accomplish today. I am this/close to losing the first of the two pounds I re-gained recently by stress eating and I want those off me like a bad, cheap or ill-fitting suit. I don’t know about you guys but when you get to a certain point you just “know” when your body has gained even a pound or two. Well, I feel as though I’ve gained a whole freaking turkey recently and I want that sluggish, bloated ill-fitting suit feeling gone and done.

Next, I have errands to run in preparation for Friday/Saturday. I think it just hit me today as I lay in bed not moving how screwed up my body is going to feel tomorrow, Friday, because I have to sleep in the afternoon then get up at midnight to drive to this Oprah “win your OWN show” audition Saturday then sort of camp out in my car until the times comes to wait in line for a few more hours. Sigh. Thank God they make extra-large cups of coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts.

Finally, I have to plan out what I’m gonna eat during Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals. I have always said eating should be very much like scuba diving – you plan your dive and you dive your plan.  A weight loss journey and eating healthy don’t go on hold just because it is time to play for the Cup, but eating while watching the game doesn’t have to be unhealthy. Some great food options (done in moderation not in mass quantities) to help everyone watching the game (or any game) keep their eating on track are:

Salsa

Salsa is made up of fruits and vegetables and contains no fat. Traditionally made with tomatoes, onions, cilantro, and spices, salsa provides antioxidants and vitamins prevalent in those specific fruits and vegetables. Salsa variations can include beans and corn for additional fiber and nutrients. Salsa also is low in cholesterol. You can eat salsa with unsalted, baked, whole wheat chips for added nutritional and health value. Pita chips also are a healthy alternative. And remember, HERE is a kick-ass Slightly Spicy Black Bean Salsa recipe perfect for rooting for the Hawks (er, I mean your favorite team).

Roasted chicken or turkey sandwiches

Served on whole wheat buns or bread thins, either are a great option to add some protein to any game watching you might do. Chicken is a lean meat, and if served moist enough, requires very little in terms of fatty condiments. Skip the cheese and mayonnaise, perhaps add some mustard, and relax in front of the game knowing that the lean meat will provide necessary proteins without the fat of red or deep-fried meats.

Chili

Not big on sandwiches? Try some low-fat chili. Made with ground turkey, black beans, tomatoes, peppers, and onions, the warm goodness will provide a meal in itself with protein, fiber, fruits, and vegetables. Protein helps build muscle, while fiber stabilizes blood sugar by slowing the rate that sugar enters the bloodstream. And again, fruits and vegetables provide invaluable vitamins and nutrients. Skip the Fritos, cheese and sour cream to keep fat-content low.

See, my day is now all on track. I am wide awake and raring to get started – at least I will be after some extra light, extra crunchy coffee which I am off to go get…

…now.

P.S. – Yes, I just read what I wrote and I do not know if I can stay up to watch the game tomorrow! Like Stewie Griffin from “Family Guy” would say (in a British accent) “Blast! What the deuce? How dare they hold the game and not accommodate my schedule!” I will have to find at least one way before tomorrow to have the game mentally projected into my brain as I lay there sleeping. Hmmmmmm…

Do you guys ever watch Fox’s “Family Guy” TV show? Not only is it consistently funny but it has, pound for pound, the most references to pop culture of any show ever. And as its male “lead” Peter Griffin would say – “that’s freakin’ sweet!”

There was an episode a few years back where Peter, fed up with some such thing I can’t remember in my sleepy haze,” gets his own segment of the evening news called “What Grinds My Gears,” a segment where Peter just goes off on his idiotic rants about everything from people in the 19^th century to Lindsay Lohan.

Last night as I watched “Family Guy” I got to thinking about something that really, AND ABSOLUTELY TRUTHFULLY, grinds my gears – prejudice. It comes in all shapes and sizes, figuratively and literally, and is alive and well and living on network television. Yes, you may or may not be aware of this but while sitting and watching some of your favorite shows like “Dancing with the Stars” or “American Idol” you see (or in this case don’t see) the results of prejudice – prejudice against people of size. Yep, what “grinds my gears” are the networks who show my favorite shows (“V,” “Flash Forward” and ironically “Family Guy”) actually turned away a Lane Bryant ad because it was deemed “too racy.”

This past week the Columbus, Ohio-based clothing retailer charged that ABC and FOX rejected a commercial for its new Cacique lingerie line because of a bias against plus-sized women. The ad features size-16 New York fashion model Ashley Graham enjoying feeling sexy inside a hotel room in her Lane Byrant bra and panties, receiving text messages and arranging a “nooner,” a lunchtime naughty “rendezvous” with a lover. The company wanted to place the ad on ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars” and FOX’s “American Idol.”  However, ABC refused to show the commercial during “Dancing with the Stars” without restricting the spot to the final (least-watched) moments of the show,” and Fox demanded excessive re-edits and rebuffed it three times before relenting to air it during the final 10 minutes of “American Idol,” but only after we threatened to pull the ad buy.

As Peter Griffin would say, “Are you freakin’ kidding me?”

According to ABC Vice President Julie Hoover. “We were willing to accommodate them (Lane Bryant), but they chose to seek publicity.” And I am so glad they did.  It’s hard enough in this word to be big as it is. However, without publicity, how can we know how people of size are treated in the consumer world?

Take director Kevin Smith’s recent woes aboard a Southwest Airline plane. Even though Smith acknowledge it was his wanting to take an earlier flight (one on which he purchased two seats) he was booted from a Southwest flight because he was allegedly deemed to large to fly “comfortably” in one seat. The situation may have died down since February but was, until now, the most recent (read, most visible) example of a (no pun intended) growing intolerance against people of size. If it wasn’t for the fact of his celebrity and his widely-read blog this situation would never have been known and brought into the light.

The same thing holds true for the Lane Bryant ad. Why does Lane Bryant have to extensively have to re-edit their ad (which is embedded here for you to see) when Victoria’s Secret runs ads that can be viewed as way racier? After learning about this prejudice I purposely watched spots for both and the Victoria Secret ad shows way more skin on way more women. It just so happens that those women are thin while the beautiful, full-figured model in the Lane Bryant ad is a size 16 – WHICH AIN’T THAT BIG TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!

Graham, in the New York Post, said she was shocked to learn the networks couldn’t and wouldn’t handle her ad. “I was very surprised,” she said. “The first thing I thought of was Victoria’s Secret commercials, and how they’re just as racy, if not more racy, than Lane Bryant.[The models are] just a lot smaller than what I am. They can’t handle bigger on TV, bigger boobs on a normal-sized woman on TV.”

That sucks. Why do I bring this up today? It’s not because I wanted to talk about scantily-clad women prancing around in underwear (well, OK. Maybe a little) It’s because we are heading into the weekend, prime shopping time for most people. It’s on my mind because people of size are beautiful, no matter the package in which they’re wrapped. We shop, we go out to eat, we see movies and we have feelings. We, too, like to see people like us on TV, both in shows and in ads, because we are a part of society. Some of us might be on a weight loss journey, and I fully recognize what got me to be 400 pounds was my own fault – overeating and lack of exercise – but that doesn’t mean we have to be re-edited and shuttled to the “back of the bus” in a TV show’s time slot because some of us are more “real” than the skinny so-and-sos in a Vicky’s Secret ad. Further, why can’t we be “normal characters” in ads or on shows – those who have just as much drama, laughter, sex and life – just like the thinner main characters on shows? We always seem, more times than not, to be the non-sexual, non-threatening comic relief in movies and shows. That sucks, and I, for one, am sick of it.

A Fox representative told AOL’s PopEater blog that the network did “balk at airing the Lane Bryant spot at 8 p.m. without edits,” but will air it uncut during the 9 p.m. hour of “American Idol” next week. Funny how it took some publicity to make them do this. Shame on you, Fox and ABC. That’s why I freaking “flash forward” through your commercials anyway.

We may be big but we sure as hell are beautiful. And good for Lane Bryant for sticking to it’s guns.

And that’s what “grinds my gears.” Back to you in the studio.