Determined To Succeed

Day one-hundred-fifty-six.

Happy new week, my friends, and welcome to the second full week of 2011. As all of you know I live in southern New Jersey and, if you’ve kept up with the weather maps and forcasts recently, you know we here are expecting another 4″ – 8″ of snow. I know I am fond of saying this alot and throwing my Chicago-ness around, but you should see and feel the anxiety of others who live here, their “the sky is falling” mentality taking over over what will amount to less than a foot of snow.

When I was a kid, they only closed the Chicago Public Schools once (that I can remember). It was for the Blizzard of 1979 during which 16.5 inches of snow fell on January 13, 1979 alone, setting a new record for snow in one calendar day. By the end of January 14, 18.8 inches of snow had fallen. That blizzard was so powerful that it resulted in the election of Jane Byrne, the first and only woman so far to be elected mayor of Chicago. In a special election, she defeated Michael Bilandic, who took over after the death of Mayor Richard J.Daley, because of the city’s badly-planned-and-executed response to the snow.

Yes, Chicago received more than 10-inches of snow more than the most this area is expected to receive over the next 24 hours. Sigh. When I was in the store yesterday buying healthy stuff to eat like salad fixins, healthy lunchmeat and veggies I surveyed the crowds all gearing up for the threat of more snow. I even overheard that a local dentist’s office was calling patients to tell them they had already decided to close on Wednesday (our snow is expected to start tonight) in anticipation. Sigh again.

It’s all “milk and eggs” in this part of the country but I guess that’s just me. But what the hell does this have to do with my weight or weight loss? For starters, I am back up a pound-and-a-half which pisses me off to no end. Next, no matter what the snow fall is I am getting my rotundness to the gym to workout today, tomorrow and every day after no matter the amount of snow.  But I have to silently hide my origins and mask my shame as I ask the attendants at the gym if they will even be open tomorrow due to the (sigh) expected snowfall.

It’s O.K., though. Weighing in at 248.9 today I am more than happy to don my snow shoes (well, sneakers – or gym shoes as we call ‘em back home) and barrel through whatever snow falls to be able to get on the elliptical to burn off this extra poundage. One of the 40/40 I listed was to absolutely get back to my goal weight and I’m gonna do it, despite my over-zealous eating habits over the weekends.

In other words, I don’t go running to the store to buy my milk, eggs and bread afraid of what might be coming, I just deal with what is happening and what actually comes as best I can. That’s all any of us can do in this world – and in this world of weight loss.

Oh, and thanks to a good friend of mine I have a correction I’d like to make to last week’s blog.

Last week, as I told you guys about seeing bald eagles in the wild, I mistakenly called a grouping of multiple bald eagles a “flock.” This, apprently, is not the case. I actually saw a convocation of eagles. If they had been hawks I would have seen a cast of hawks. Or if those hawks were spiraling in flight they would have been a boil (funny thing to call a grouping – makes me think of soup, especially on cold winter days).  Also, owls are a parliament, crocodiles are a bask  and did you know that if you’ve got a group of frogs, it’s an ARMY!!

Awesome! See, every now and then you can learn something by reading my weight loss blog, even if it doesn’t necessarily pertain to weight loss.

Or maybe it’s just my way to mentally prepare going to the gym today?

Either way, have a great day, my peeps. Talk to you soon (hopefully lighter than I am today).

PS: A big birthday shout out goes out to my mom, JoAnn, who on January 9th, would have turned 72. Happy birthday, Mama. I love and miss you very much.

Happy weekend and day one-hundred-thirty-one, my friends.

Now that I am back to being healthy (at least I feel like a million bucks compared to how I felt week before last) I am starting to slowly get back on the horse and exercise again. But I must admit when I do I get nervous. Just a few weeks ago I was in really shaky shape physically. I lost 2/3 of my blood and, according to my doctor, that REALLY wasn’t good. In fact, I might not have recovered. That is a scary proposition for a guy, especially for one who is finally seeing life with new eyes and who has a goal of never being the old Bill ever again, physically or otherwise.

During my hospital stay I gained weight. I knew I would because I wasn’t exercising. For me, it’s not just eating better or lighter it’s also physical activity that helps me lose weight. Even on the clear liquid diet I was on in the hospital I gained weight (especially from all the fluids they were pumping me with). When I was discharged I asked how long it would be until I could exercise again and they said “take it slow and exercise gradually until you build yourself back up to where you were which may take a couple of months.”

A couple of months?! Sheesh. OK, I admit, that freaked me out, too. Since dropping this weight, and regaining twenty, I have been trying my best to get rid of it and stay at or near my goal weight. But being out of the hospital and NOT being able to exercise is a trick, especially since being re-introduced to solid foods – foods which, of course, make you gain weight.

I know. I know. I’m supposed to help my body (and blood) recoup by eating and making sure it has the nutrients it needs to do that. Not to mention eating is a part of life and I can ever ignore that. But I know my body and it doesn’t let go of weight unless I sweat to the oldies in the gym on an elliptical or by doing my punches and kicks.

However, something in me has changed physically and I can’t ignore that. I have always told all of you that you should consult a doctor before doing any new and strenuous exercises and it’s time I took my own advice. I am human and like all humans I think I am invincible, that I can do anything I want and have it not affect me. But that is not the case. I could have died because of the amount of blood I lost, and I am lucky I didn’t. I am lucky I lost this weight in the first place so my heart wasn’t lugging around an extra 165-plus pounds on my frame. I was lucky I listened to reason and called my doctor when I knew I wasn’t “right.” I was lucky to get a second chance with this, too, and I am not about to blow it because of a desire to go sweat and get that weight off yesterday.

So I am letting go. I am letting go of that urgency. I will only be doing what I can, especially in this recovery period. I was scared and I should still be concerned about doing too much too soon in all of this. If I lose a pound or two every month or so I will be happy. Hell, I will be happy just maintaining my weight through the holidays (as we all are, I’m sure). I will let go of all that because I have to take care of myself. I recently got out of the hospital for God’s sake and I’m not about to go screw myself up more by becoming “The Biggest Loser” overnight.

So there you have it, my friends. My new outlook. Funny how a stay in the hospital (and a taste of mortality) can change a perspective. We are all in this together but I will say it again and again and again, be careful doing the things you do to lose weight. Do it naturally as much as possible. It is a true change in lifestyle, not a quick fix you can employ and expect to do wonders. Do it wisely and talk to a doctor and see what’s best and right for you. Most of all, don’t over do it. Do what you can and be happy you can do something at all. And remember, we are all on this earth for such a short time. Make the most of it by enjoying and appreciating life and those in your lives. I know I do, every single day. That, a healthier diet and some exercise every now and then will, at least in my humble opinion, be the best thing we all can do to be on this earth for as long as possible.

Have a great weekend and I will talk to you all next week on my regular Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule.

My friends, happy weekend and day one-hundred-sixteen!

I first of all have to apologize to all of you for not writing a blog on Wednesday of this past week. You see, I was not well at all and had to take this week off in order to recoup. It was so bad doctors were called (I have been diagnosed with diverticulosis) and everything, including this weight loss blog, had to be put aside for a bit so I could properly recover.

While I am on the mend and feeling a helluva lot better than I have this past week (as you’ve read – it was the cause of my serious dizziness), I am troubled. Not just because this is a crappy way to ring-in this holiday season AND my upcoming 40th birthday) I now have to modify my diet to include and/or exclude certain foods. Even some foods I love (corn, nuts, popcorn and – egads! – strawberries, among others) have to be seriously curtailed because, it seems, they aggravate the condition. This sucks! I love my strawberries (and strawberry ice-cream), nuts and corn! Bah! I am troubled because, for the first time in my weight loss journey, I now have to officially modify my diet.

As you all know I lost weight not using any kind of specific food regimen. I still ate what I wanted when I wanted it. I simply cut back (as much as I could) on the portions. I still ate Chinese food, drank regular Coca-Cola and had Milky Way bars. However, those things became treats. I also exercised as much as I could, too (the two do go hand-in-hand). But now I have to make food choices based on medicine and science and I don’t want it to seem like I am changing my tune in this whole thing.

I am not giving up the foods I described (and there are more) because they are part of some secret society, new wave diet plan-of-the-stars. It doesn’t have a flashy name like Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig. It is simply diverticulosis, a condition that, believe-you-me, you don’t want to have and not just because of the food restrictions.

On the plus side, diverticulosis does have a few decent things in store for my menu – eating more whole grains, leafy green vegetables, and fruits. See, not so bad, especially since we all should be doing that anyway. About that, I am excited. I am also excited about the final thing actually used to combat diverticulosis, exercise. It helps the condition by aiding digestion. Again something we should all be doing anyway.

I hate to drop this kind of blog on you guys like this but I had to explain what is going on (I did always promise to let you know the ups and downs, after all). I just wanted you to know I hadn’t given in and jumped into a program of some sort (not that it is wrong to do so or that people who do it are wrong – in fact, if it works for you go and run with it and more power to you if it helps). My way works for me. It has already and will for the rest of my life. I also wanted to let you guys know I am taking a vacation from writing until December 13, 2011. On that date I hope to be rested, as fully recovered as I can be and ready to share my list of 40 things I want to do in my 40^th year.

As we enter the fever of the holiday season (and I wish all people of all faiths good tidings and well wishes this season) remember to be as strong as you can. I know I will. It may be a crappy way, as I said earlier, to celebrate tidings of comfort and joy but I am happy to just be here. As soon as I am physically able again I’m going to work out so I can get back to that always-mentioned goal weight of mine. Most importantly keep in mind the blessings we have in our lives. I know I will, including the gift of being able to have a medical problem diagnosed before it got me to a far worse health state. All I will say is “whew, that was a close one” and leave it at that.

Have a great week-and-a-half, my friends. I will be bright-eyed, bushy-tailed and ever-so-slightly older when next we meet on these pages. Until then, know I appreciate you all and that I am right there with you in this battle to lose weight. As cheesy as it will sound I, too, am DETERMINED TO SUCCEED.

Day eighty-seven.

Finally!!!!! I am coming back down in my weight, thank God! I am down another six ounces and am at 240.5 today. Just a mere 15 pounds above my ultimate goal weight which I am bound and determined to achieve before I reach 40 years of age. I am so happy to see this number on my scale today. I have been very good with my eating lately, too. Yesterday, after my toast for breakfast, I had a Lean Cuisine-like frozen lunch (it was Litelife frozen Indian Veggie Masala – and dammed tasty, too) and leftover cajun chicken, rice and broccoli for dinner. Not only did I have those leftovers (which I have been totally into lately) but my portions have been very controlled, too. ONE chicken breast, ONE helping of rice and ONE helping of broccoli. And the best part was that I had water, H20, nature’s soft drink instead of soda (even diet Coke Zero). Yes, yesterday was a great day and it showed.

Today is going to be good also, mainly because I get to workout with Sensei Doug and his martial arts training. I wish I had the space here to do what we do in his studio. But one thing is for certain. I soooooo need to stretch a bit before working out. Having not worked out like that for a few days plus this chilly weather makes my joints, especially my hips, so tight and immobile. Oh well. I know I am not an old man yet by any stretch of the inmagination but damn, I wish someone would hurry up and invent some agre-regression thingie that makes our bodies as strongf as they were twenty years ago. That would be cool.

I bring all this up today because I think it would be way cool to wear that way cool Calvin Klein suit I bought last year for my 40th birthday this year. We all spend so much time wanting to fit into this and that. Well, during this 40th year of my life, I’m gonna do something about it. I have a goal to wear that suit somewhere for something. It is the most beautiful suit I own and right now, with these extra 15 or so pounds on my bod, I can’t even imagine putting it on yet. But with those pounds gone I should be able to fit into it. I guess that would make it my birthday suit.

I wasnt to wear my birthday suit for my birthday! I love plays on words.

Moreover, I think it’s a realistic weight loss goal. If I maintain exercising and eating better, the way I have been, it should be good. Also, I promise to take a photo of myself in that suit, too. But I will only wear it if it fits like it should. I will not wear it if the pants are too tight or the jacket doesn’t button. A suit must wear properly to look good and that is what I want.

So that’s it. That’s all I got today. Tune in tomorrow when I recount my activities on the martial arts mat from today as well as what I ate. Speaking of which, this morning I made two small pieces of cinnamon raisin french toast and two patties of turkey sausage for breakfast (yum).  Lunch I know will be lighter and I think pork chops are for din din. Or should I say pork chop (singular). Remember, I have a birthday suit I need to fit into and look good in.

Day seventy-five.

Today is Friday and I am juiced about having a healthy weekend. I know I am usually in a twist because it is the weekend and I typically fall off the wagon a bit but this weekend is a bit unique for two reasons: one, I have begun helping motivate two close friends in their own weight loss and two, because of a photo I found of me from 11 years ago.

Let’s start with the photo.

11 years ago (1999) I had the wonderful opportunity to tour some of Europe. I visited (and please excuse the spellings) Interlacken, Switzerland, Oberammagau, Germany, Salzburg, Germany, Vienna, Austria…some pretty nifty places. I remember being so enthralled with being where I was – so far from home but loving every minute – I never once thought about what I ate or how much I ate (especially wiener schnitzel – I think that’s how you spell it). Anyway, I was going through those old photos yesterday when I came across some of me, one in particular, that made me go “wow.”

You’ve heard me talk many, many times about the photo of me in the shark tunnel at the aquarium. Well, the photos I found of me were from 1999 and I was huge! It made me remember the reason I originally grew my beard – to try to hid my growing double chin and face flab. I saw what I was wearing and remembered how excited I was to find clothes in a size 4XL at the time (which within another 5 years would be a 5XL). I instantly remembered what I ate and drank and did and how it led me to that point (even lower). I shook my head slowly and slowly placed the photo on the counter.

That photo reminded me to think about how far I’ve come. Yes, I do need to re-lose some weight but I am well-within parameters of my goal weight, can still fit in my smaller clothes and have way more energy than I ever did. I am even going to my mixed martial arts class today to kick ass, something back then I never thought I could do.

As for the two friends, all I can say is how honored I am that they’ve asked me to help motivate them to get up and be moving. I have known one for over 22 years and the other I’ve known for about three but never really hung out before recently. In my separate discussions with them both we’ve discussed how human I can be, that I have ups and downs, etc. but that I will do my best to encourage and be supportive (and that good kick in the pants they need). As the long-time friend said, “I need a way to hold myself accountable and have someone help get me up off my couch.” Hell, ain’t that the truth?! I need that, too, and both will be that for me.

That is why I am so jazzed to start this weekend. I know I am going to start it right. For breakfast I had my reduced fat blueberry muffin and coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts and for a snack I had a yogurt. Tasty. I know I am also going to be active this weekend because I do martial arts tomorrow, too. Bring it on, I say. Bring it on! Because if a picture is worth a thousand words I seriously want those words to be of the successes in my life, not the failures. I want them to be of the future, not the past…

…and I want them to reflect the new, healthier and better Bill Ivory Larson. Not the sick, confused one. That is the guy in the photo and that is the person I never want to see again except in photos. To remind me of where I’ve been so that I am on track to get where I’m going.

Have a great weekend, everyone.

Day thirty-eight.

I will apologize now if today’s entry seems a bit off. It comes from my experiences attending last night’s meeting. There’s just no other way to say this, but last night’s twelve-step meeting was weird. There was just a weird energy in the room. As there were twelve of us and it was all guys, the subtle movie reference to “Twelve Angry Men” wasn’t lost on me, but it was the tone that was different and more pronounced. It wasn’t angry. It was a tone of desperation. Quiet desperation. That’s the only way I can put it to you.

I am always humbled being in my meetings because I find people struggling with the same addictions from which I suffer (including the urge to eat everything in sight). It helps to ground me and make me absolutely thankful for the life I have. But I have to admit sometimes I do not suffer from the same moods others do, and there seemed to be a sense in the room from several of the guys of just going through the motions and being there just to be there, saying things because they are correct and guys “telling” on themselves as if in Catholic confessional – as if to clear their consciences of what they’ve done so they can maybe do it again. I don’t know how much of this had to do with last night’s topic of amends-making but it was clear several of the guys just wanted to get stuff off their chests, which is cool, but it seemed the desperation felt by them was of feeling lost and not knowing what to do or where to go from here.

As I sat and listened I felt compelled, almost, to just say something positive just to have a positive affirmation of some type in the air. It wasn’t a “blow smoke up your ass” kind of comment, it was honest, but I wanted it to be of some affirmation that we were all doing well offering each other friendship and fellowship while working on those afore-mentioned amends, not just to others but to ourselves, too, because, in my mind, we absolutely have to continue backing up those amends with actions. That, and only that, makes those amends stick and mean something. I’ll give you an example related to food.

Last month I received free coupons in the mail for Chick-Fil-A (and I loves me some Chick-Fil-A). These coupons were for a free breakfast sandwich, a free Spicy Chicken Sandwich and a free Coke Zero. I may not be able to use all the coupons at the same time but this small sheet of coupons is rare because no other purchases were required. Just drive up, order the freebie, turn over the appropriate coupon and leave. Easy-peasy. But my problem comes in when I think about the WHY I want to take advantage of those coupons.

Not growing up with very much food I hoarded what I could. That comes from the insecurity of abandonment, that feeling of “what will I have if this goes away?” That’s all. Being in good therapy these days I recognize it for what it is and I am now better-equipped to say “food will not leave me, even if I do not take advantage of this coupon.” My conflict comes also from it being free food and a waste if I don’t use it, which goes against my grain to use the blessing of free food when and where I can. However, I made an apology to myself for being 400 pounds in the first place and for regaining 20 or so pounds after mom died.  I made an amends to get right with myself to re-re-re-re-lose this last bloody 20 pounds to get back to my goal weight.  If I used those coupons, even though it is for free food, it would mean my amends meant nothing (especially since the chicken sandwich in question is deep-fried and the breakfast sandwiches, while yummy, aren’t the healthiest for you, calorically speaking).

So, in my meeting last night I tried to say to these guys, “look, we are here working on this but we need to keep working on this. We can’t just come here to spout off and go away. This is as honest and as real as it gets and we have to back up those amends for not only the people in our lives but for ourselves. That’s why we’re here.” God, I hope that message got through because I take sobriety and addiction very seriously, especially since it can so frequently involve food and eating and easy, easy weight gain.

I left that room last night as fast as I could without being rude because I wanted to be back in my positive zone. I know there will be times I am down in the dumps but I will remember my blessings and push through those times because, having been where I’ve been, I never want to be there again. Ever. That includes being 400 pounds because quietly desperate times like last night make the desires for cheeseburgers, fried mushrooms, Chinese food, pizza and more that much stronger. But it’s through the amends process, and the twelve steps, that I am trying my best to not just SAY I’m gonna be better but actually BE better in my new and healthier reality.

Day twenty-four.

Happy September, everyone. Man, yesterday I was both a mess and euphoric. I admit, when I’m sick, I’m a bit of a baby especially since I don’t get sick very often. And while it wasn’t the full-bore cold it could have been it was enough to sap my strength, make my head all poofy and have my throat all scratchy and in pain the whole day. On the other hand, I took care of myself, something I haven’t done really for a long, long time and part of that care involved two things: taking myself for a nice walk in the clean, hot air and going to a twelve-step meeting last night.

I was very torn about the walk. I had zero energy and motivation to get up from the couch and I sure as hell didn’t want to get ready and dressed to walk outside for an hour. But I had to clear my head. Not just physically because of the cold or because I felt like acting out or anything, but because I was mulling something over in my brain. I was thinking about everything and needed some time to commune with nature and my mom, JoAnn’s, spirit to help me be calm and relax. Later, I attended my twelve-step meeting which, I have to say is a wonderful way to re-juice the soul because it’s great knowing you have the fellowship and support of the people around you on any given night.

Whenever I sit in that room and listen to others I gain new perspectives on things. They help me turn things over in my brain and center me and last night’s meeting gave me a good idea of what pain is like from the perspective of someone experiencing it. I have to tell you how powerful that is, and how humbling. It strips away every piece of bullshit inside you and makes you feel something which, for many of us, is for the first time in years. Feeling the pain of others makes me realize and understand the pain I have put people through in my life. I may not be able to fully make amends to those people but I sure am trying the best way I know how – going to these meetings and getting the help I need.

I can only imagine that other addictions are the same at their core. You crave X and will do anything – lie, cheat, hurt people, shut yourself off – just to have X. That also goes for food. But with addiction, the more you spiral down into it the more shame you feel, therefore you withdraw more and more into your world, alone and broken not knowing how to get out.

After feeling the sun on my face yesterday and after going to my meeting I felt present. Yes, it does hurt to hear these things and yes, it does hurt facing them but any addict needs to if they are to get out of their own personal abyss. It needs to be felt because our emotions have been out of it for so long and it does cause others great pain. That goes for food, drugs, alcohol, whatever. If recovery were easy it wouldn’t work, plain and simple. Put another way, we addicts need to feel to know what it’s like to be a human being again, one that’s not driven by a drug but one that is driven by being a feeling being.

That is why I was euphoric. I felt that pain yesterday. I felt it. I wasn’t distracting myself and it felt good. That’s why I didn’t give in to the temptation to just be a slug on my couch. I got up and walked. I did that to take care of me in my recovery from being under the weather. And I went to my twelve-step meeting to take care of me in my recovery to heal as a human being to try to be a good and decent man.

I am starting to come back down in my weight, too. I am at 235 even today and that feels amazing. I can feel that excitement again. I have a measly ten pounds to go to re-achieving my goal weight and I will one day. I will because I recognize what it’s like to turn off and medicate and numb yourself to reality. However, now I am facing reality for the first time and it strengthens me, thank God. That goes for my weight loss journey, too. I was so worried about handling one addiction I was turning back to food as comfort. I just realized it and got a handle on both, that’s all. And I was able to do that because the pieces of my soul that had been gone for so long are now coming back and making me here and present and alive.

It’s amazing what a person can do when they have their soul back. It is. That will give me the strength to kick that bag today and that will give me the strength to carry on in weight loss and in recovery. And in the end, I won’t be a mess anymore. I will be healed in body, mind and, most of all, spirit so I never again fall into the dark abyss I was in for so long.

Last night I couldn’t get to sleep.

You know how you get when things weigh on your mind to the point where all that energy is what’s fueling you? Sort of like an old steam-powered train whose engineer is shoveling coals into the fire. Well, that’s what happened to me last night. I had been waiting for a piece of news all day…and waiting…and waiting…and waiting. And finally, when it was apparent it would never come my mind took over, threw more coals on the fire and kept us (my mind and me) up pretty late.

I know this is going to sound bad but much of why I was up had to do with Coke, also. Not to disparage the greatest soft drink (pop) in the whole world but not having it for the past few days – and subsequently having it all out of my system – meant that when I did have it yesterday all that caffeine and sugar got into my system adding more coals to my engine, heating it up and keeping the train moving.

I so wish I could figure out why I am an emotional eater/drinker. And before you start to worry not drinking in terms of booze. Drinking in terms of Coca-Cola. I wish I could figure out what triggers in the minds of big people like me makes food a viable option when it comes to those pesky demons that come for you – especially late, late into the night.

Hurmph.

If I could figure that out I’d be a rich, rich man. I’d also be back at my goal weight and then some by now. I’d not still be fighting the battle of the final ten over a year after my sweet mom died. I’d find it much easier to resist the liquid joy of an ice-cold Coke and not give in to it’s delicious yet empty calories. Oh, and if I could figure that one out I’d also figure out how to extract the unstoppable energy of a child (or find a way to activate that part of an adult brain) so I could add that to the mix. Then I’d be super-duper rich. Like Bill Gates or Warren Buffet rich. No more emotional eating combined with limitless energy? Shit. That would be awesome.

But as my man, Jules, in “Pulp Fiction” says “that shit ain’t the truth,” and there is no such thing as abundant adult energy and there is a such thing as emotional eating. And while I can’t just yet share with you guys the exact reason for this sort of morose weekend blog post please know I take this feeling for what it is – a set of rain clouds that have gathered up in my mind causing it to rain, just like it is today here in southern New Jersey. But like all rain, it will pass and the day will be sunny again (and hopefully not as freaking hot as it has been this past week – when 90 degrees is “cool,” look out).

As for my workout yesterday I did great. I did almost all of what my sensei taught me (although somehow the stretches seem to work better when doing them in class) and I worked up quite a sweat yesterday. And I plan to do the same today in the rescheduled class. Although working out with others is a new aspect of things so I hope I don’t embarrass myself too much in front of others.

Well, that’s all for now. Sorry it couldn’t be a bit more cheery but all will be revealed on Monday. Promise. Until then I will make sure I work out and NOT eat my weight in Chinese food, Milky Way bars and Cokes. After all, the good thing about staying up until all hours of the night thinking about stuff is that all the food places are closed.

See, in every cloud – even rainy ones – there is a silver lining.

Hey there, crew! How are you? (I’m a poet and didn’t know it)

It’s Saturday and I have decided that my brain needs a break from writing sometimes, even if it’s just one day a week. So, starting with this Fourth of July holiday weekend, I will be doing one weekend post to cover Saturdays and Sundays while still maintaining the daily Monday through Friday weight loss blog. My brain just needs a break from writing because I am just tired. Doing my awesome martial arts class is just that, awesome. However, I must have some time to re-juice the batteries, too, mentally and physically. I am, after all, human.

And speaking of my martial arts class, it continues to rock. I have started altering my tricep dips so that the work is being done by my arms exclusively instead of both arms and legs. Ouch!!! Wow, those 20 were hard. Hard, also, is shadowboxing for a three minute mixed round. Kicks, punches, foot movement…it takes a lot out of you but it is so worth it. I am already seeing some definition in the muscles in my arms and back (so cool). There is a saying in the facility that I look at when I arrive and when I leave – “Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.” It is so right. As with weight loss, skill, precision in movement, toning and definition won’t happen overnight and I can’t wait to see where I am in a few months. Again, if you want to try this stuff please consult with your doctor and/or find a fitness program that’s good for you to begin.

As I ease on down the brick road of this holiday weekend I am also trying to eat better, too. Eating grilled foods instead of fried. Fruit instead of candy. Water instead of pop (or if you’re not from the Midwest, soda). I desperately want to have July be THE month I finally lose the last ten pounds I need to lose to get back to my goal weight, understanding I am building muscle at the same time which is heavier than fat. So we will see and I will keep you posted.

My blog today is rather, well, bloggy, isn’t it? It feels random because it is random. Again, my brain is only firing on, like, two-and-a-half cylinders and needs to re-juice. Hell, I even just inappropriately used the word “like” in a sentence. This summer rambling I am doing is simply fitting for a lazy holiday weekend. Things remain the status quo, which is good. I continue to do some of my martial arts “homework,” which is also good. Most of all, I take a deep breath and admire the clear blue sky (something we all need to do from time to time, especially in weight loss).

I guess, my friends this entry is the equivalent to seeing each and every one of you at a BBQ. You know, you grab a (hopefully recyclable) cup from a table, belly up to the drink station, pour yourself something over ice and catch up with a few friends, talking about everything and nothing. If I have to be “on the clock,” as it were, and talk about weight loss I would just say to think about two things:

1) Control your portions.
2) Know that one day of eating isn’t going to derail your weight loss journey. Just get back into your healthier routine Monday.

Those two things, plus the tips on my homepage, should help you get through this and any holiday situation. In the meantime, let’s be “off the clock,” sit a spell, catch up on things and enjoy the fireworks together as we celebrate freedom and independence (always tipping a hat to our service women and men who give their all every day – sometimes making the ultimate sacrifice – so we can enjoy silly things like cookouts and enjoy lazy holiday weekends).

That’s all. Happy 4th of July, everyone. Take care and I will check back in with you on Monday.

This morning I awoke to a phone call from a friend of mine from Chicago, Mark, who was helping a friend of his drive a sweet 2010 little red Corvette across country and back to Chicago. What a great weekend they picked, too. The weather, at least in this part of the country is perfect. When we hung up the phone I wondered… did I ever tell you guys the story of the little red sports car? I’m sure I’ve mentioned it (maybe) once or twice in my blog but I will tell it to you now. Pull up a chair, and a great cup of coffee…

Years ago, 2003/2004-ish, I went car shopping. I am extremely brand loyal when I like something so I went to a Chicago-area Honda dealership to find a new Honda-mobile. Now, you know what a dealer’s showroom looks like – filled with all the latest and greatest from that company’s current fleet.

Stumbling through the middle of the showroom I saw it – a beautiful, sporty (and yes, red) two-door sports car. Being human I naturally gravitated to it. It was like the movies when the hero hears the song “Dream Weaver” and the soft light edges frame the love interest with little sparkling lights (think of the first time Wayne saw Cassandra in the first “Wayne’s World” movie). Anyhow, even though I knew I wasn’t going to get it I dared to try it out.

Boy was that a big mistake. Not because I wanted to try it out but because I couldn’t even fit in the thing. I couldn’t fit my fat ass into the driver’s side of the cockpit. It was horrible made worse by the fact that I then felt everyone’s eyes on me because that car, again, was in the middle of the showroom, spotlights beaming and shining on the fat guy who dared to dream and then woke up to the harsh reality that he wasn’t going to fit. No way. No how.

You bet your ass that was one of the things that motivated me to lose weight. Besides the fact that the car’s cockpit was small (it was sporty) my knee hurt like a son-of-a-bitch when I bent it. And if I couldn’t even watch movies in a theater without my knee hurting imagine was just trying to get into this car felt like. It was painful in more ways than one.

This is what I thought of as I spoke to my friend, Mark, this morning as he and Walt, the other friend, picked up this car and started making their way back. I thought about how much easier I fit into my old boss’s car when I lost the first 37 pounds. I thought about how my knee doesn’t hurt anymore when I get into and out of cars. I thought about the ability to now be able to fit into almost any car, airline seat or amusement ride – a dream that seemed so impossible just a few short years ago.

I call it “the other side,” that promised land of weight loss. You get to your goal and you try your best to maintain. That’s right, you never really end a weight loss journey because you have to make those smart choices every day to stay where you are but (BUT) you are enjoying the benefits of that weight loss. It feels good. It is an awesome feeling. It is the greener grass on “the other side.”

I know I still struggle with the last ten or so pounds I need to lose to get back to my goal weight but thinking about how far I’ve driven down this road to weight loss is part of what fuels me to keep going?

And what is your “other side?” What is it that you want to do when you lose weight? Whatever that is, let it fuel you to start or keep going because one day you, too, can fit into your little red Corvette or Honda or other sports car of choice literally or figuratively.