Determined To Succeed

Day fifty-eight.

Woohoo! I continue my downward trend in my weight loss! Today I am at 240.2 thanks to just getting back on the horse. It may be raining outside but that’s doing nothing to dampen my spirits about getting back on track, and I am doing it with the help of some laundry that I very much needed to do.

C’mon! Admit it. There are times your laundry pile, well, is piled so high it might as well be called your laundry mountain. Am I right? We get through the week (eve two) not wanting to just get down and dirty with your down and dirties. Whether you hate folding, ironing, hanging or just the chore itself because it’s a pain in the ass to keep going up and downstairs laundry is actually very helpful when it comes to focus, determination and, most of all, achievement.

I love doing laundry. I love separating out the loads, stain-treating shirts and getting the piles to go into “the drink” for a must needed bath. But the part I enjoy most is the folding. When I was much younger (like around 20 or 21) I had the most rewarding job of my life working in a hospital laundry. There was such a simplicity to that gig. Yes, we folded literally hundreds of sheets and pillow cases every single day but it was beautiful in its simplicity AND it helped people. It was my way of contributing to the medical profession and the well-being of others. It was awesome and I will forever miss that job.

Today, when I sit and fold I either turn on a good movie or listen to some music and just lose myself in the chore because I get such a feeling of accomplishment when I am done and I see my piles of laundry, all neatly folded, ready to re-take their places in drawers, in closets or on shelves.  It’s great “me” time that reminds me so much of how just sitting down and tackling the work gets it done, and how it looks and feels afterward is a fruit of my labor.

That is what today is going to be devoted to, I think. My literal and figurative piles of laundry. Being all caught up in one’s own life “stuff” can mean that things get put aside, like taking care of yourself. But you have to keep taking care of yourself no matter what is going on. It may seem silly, even selfish, but if you don’t no one else will. The laundry ain’t gonna fold itself and put itself away. You have gto do that. The weight you (and I) need to lose won’t come off by itself. WE have to get to the gym, workout and eat better to lose it. Not to mention the fact that, while not burning that many calories, it burns calories while you’re doing it.

I know I geek out over strange stuff, usually “Star Wars” or other pop-culture fare, but laundry (and weight loss) is something I definitely get excited about. That’s because I see the commonality between the two. I choose to see how one is just like the other (or as Yoda would say “only different in your mind”). It may have been awhile since you attacked that laundry pile (or your exercise routine, or your better eating habits, etc.) but it’s time to start folding. Before you know it, your stack will be done and it will look great after all your hard work and effort.

Not to mention you’ll have lots more to wear when you go out, even on rainy days like today.

Day Fifty-seven.

Did you guys ever watch “Lost In Space” when you were a kid? Of course, I wasn’t around when the original 60s show was on the air but I did catch them in reruns throughout my childhood and remember, very vividly, Dr. Smith, the mischievous stowaway (and comic relief) whose favorite way of complaining was to say “Oh, the pain…Oh, the pain…”

Well, my friends. Oh, the pain ! Do I ever ache today! And today is way better than yesterday!!! My sensei, the awesome Doug Shaffer, warned me that the first mixed martial arts workout back from being out for a bit was going to hurt. But, damn!!! He didn’t warn me my legs were gonna burn and feel like spaghetti for two days straight! Well, O.K., he actually did but I keep telling myself it’s a good pain (and I know it is). It’s just a bitch when I am trying to get back into the routine and my muscles ache like when I first started weight loss and martial arts fitness months ago.

It started out just as I expected. My body needed serious warming up. Sensei Doug invited me to come a few minutes early to check out the adult karate class going on as a sort of dual “get inspiration to jump back in”/”see some of the things we’ve learned put into use.” That was very cool, especially since I learned a neat block a potential clubbing move. Anywho…the time came for me to take to the mat and I started my day.

Sensei went easy on my to begin with, just some light punching of the bag, followed by kicking. But that’s when things started to get rough. We did line work, we did tricep dips (how I struggled to get through my usually good 20), we did push-ups (at least I did ten really good, almost full push-ups), more line work, ab rocking and kicking, more punching, more kicking, Turkish get-ups, lunges, the four corners…and despite the awesome stretches after it was enough to turn my limbs into little more than useless linguine. By the time my hour was over I was sweating but I could feel how much I hadn’t worked out…and how much I knew I was gonna feel it later.

Later that afternoon I took a really long as-close-to-hot-as-I-get shower and that seemed to help. “Seemed” being the operative word. Little did I know what was in store for me yesterday…

When I woke up it was as if I was being weighed down my a ton of bricks that burned my arms and legs (especially my legs) every time I tried to move. Oh yes, I felt every minute of that 60-minute workout. I know I’m gonna be a great old guy one day because all I wanted to do (besides moan and groan) was to sit in a nice comfy position with the greatest invention ever – the heating pad – and just not move. In other words, I sooooo wished I had the power of telekinesis (or the Force) to call things to me.

But, it was a good pain. It really was. One of the things I knew during my workout, besides that I knew I was gonna hurt) was how much I missed doing it. How much I missed being on the mat, hitting the bag and making myself sweat. Did my abs, arms, back and (most of all) legs hurt? You bet your ass. But it’s supposed to hurt. That’s why the word “work” is in workout. It is work but it’s work you put into yourself and that always feels good.

Today’s blog is late (and so sorry about that, loyal readers) due to a dental appointment today. However, I am going to try to make it to the gym later to begin my normal workouts again. Why? Because I am down to 241.0 today and that feels awesome! It’s better than the 243.3 I was on Friday and it’s better every day. So I can’t wait to hit the gym to do some elliptical work, as well as some extra tricep dips to catch myself back up. Yes, a workout hurts from time to time but always remember two things…

…one, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…

…two, pain is only temporary. Quitting lasts forever, and I sure as heck ain’t gonna quit my weight loss journey. No matter how much I feel my thighs burning from lunges today.

Day fifty-one.

This morning I am thinking about demons. Demons that seem unstoppable and invincible. Demons that, no matter what, can stand up to even time itself, the supposed great healer of all. Well, there are some things that time doesn’t take away, like pain. For example, it’s been almost a year and four months already since my mom, JoAnn Larson, passed away and I still feel that moment as if it were yesterday. I still feel the absence of her on this earth and, from what I hear from others who’ve lost parents, always will. Sure, time takes away some of the immediate sting but it never takes away the memory of the pain itself, and oh, how I wish it did.

When I was a child I was so ashamed of how I was living the shame became a tangible thing I touched every day. I felt my surroundings not only around me but inside me. I became saturated by the sights, sounds and smells of where I was living. I felt the roaches crawl on my skin. I could almost feel the gritty dirt on the faded light green of the walls. I smelled the accumulated smells in the carpet in the long hallway of my apartment building floor as the building passed into decrepit oblivion – the dust, garbage, people, old food, must and rodents all part of a gigantic trap from which I felt no release. Hell, I am also quite sure I went to school smelling of old cigarettes, since my mother loved unfiltered Pall Malls and we did live in one very small room. To this day I cannot stand the smell of old cigarette smoke which does get everywhere instantly no matter what a smoker might tell you to the contrary. That is a pain from which I have been removed for more than twenty years but which still helped define me, both in good ways and bad.

The pain and shame of that place, combined with burying that pain and numbing it with X, Y and Z helped to create an addict, one that became seriously addicted to food as part of a cycle that led me to my life’s rock bottom. Then, lump on other unhappinesses, disappointments, anger, the inability to express myself, job stress, relationship bullshit and more and, over the years, the pain and shame became sentient, a living breathing demon who still inhabits parts of my brain and soul.

When you train yourself to numb things it is very hard to not numb them anymore. Food tastes good. I love good Chinese food (notice I said GOOD Chinese food, like Chicago good not Jersey/Philly so-so), I love sweet rolls (good bakery sweet rolls like my mom and I used to get on Sundays to eat while reading the paper), I love ice-cold Coca-Colas which at one point were bottles of ice-cold Pepsi, I love mashed potatoes, fried things, chocolate things, buttery things, Italian Beefs, cheesesteaks, french fries…I love it all. But I was “using,” using all that and more to numb a pain and truth which I have only recently come to grapple with and understand. Once I did that I was truly able to see food and other things weren’t enjoyable, they were the heroin I injected into my veins to make the world and its reality go away for just a little while.

That is addiction. That is food addiction. When using what is normal, everyday, commonplace pleasurable and warping it into something that not only is bad but also feeds the demon(s) born from long days ago. That is how demons can withstand the test of time.

I am doing my absolute best to curtail these demons and live a healthier, happier life. In fact I’m gonna fight the food demon as soon as I am done posting today by working out in the gym (since it is quite rainy today in southern New Jersey). Fifty-one days is truly a blessing and one on which I intend to build a foundation of good for my life and those wonderful people in it. I won’t let them down because I won’t let myself down again. Not like that. Not ever.

Time may heal some things but it doesn’t heal others. That’s O.K., because it’s what we do with today that matters. We may not be able to change what happened before but we sure as hell can control what happens today, tomorrow and in all the tomorrows yet to come.And so far I have fifty-one of them. Of all the things I’ve collected in my lifetime, days of sobriety are what I want a treasure trove of in the future.

Day forty-six.

You ever get a “wild hair?” That urge so strong to do something that it just takes over your actions until it comes to fruition? Well, these past weeks, which have been the most mentally healthy of my life, I have had a few wild hairs come across my mind to do, most notably the wild hairs to clean, to workout and to cook.

Take, for instance, last night. I had a wild hair to cook and cook Italian. I just had to smell garlic, tomatoes and onions saute in a pan with some olive oil. I don’t know why but I did. I wanted to feel like a chef, I guess, filling the house with the aroma of food being prepared. I love standing at the counter chopping vegetables and heating up a pan and throwing them in even though it’s hot as hell in the kitchen. Now, because I didn’t take all day to prepare a true “gravy” I used my saute to doctor some already made sauce (a sin, I know, but I will make a better “gravy” soon). Then I topped it off with a nice slices of Italian sausage. Damn, that was tasty and I ate only one portion. Now it was a slightly bigger portion than I should have had but the important thing is that there are leftovers and I stopped myself from eating more, and that’s a great thing.

I have also been finding I love doing things where I invest a bit of sweat-equity in myself. I love going to the gym and working out like I have these past few days. I love doing a half-hour on my elliptical, shadowboxing, roundhouse kicks, tricep dips (since I am still trying to put ammo in my “guns”), push-ups…the whole lot. I love going to my mixed martial arts class and having the sweat drip onto the mat (that’s an honor, by the way).  Most of all, I love seeing the numbers on my scale sloooooooly decrease (I am at 238.5 today) as I work toward re-reaching my goal of 225. And did I mention I can’t wait to workout again today?

Finally, I have really enjoyed the cleaning wild hair. I am just digging through crap and purging things I truly don’t need and finding out how much, well, crap there really was. This is mainly due to the work I have been doing mentally and emotionally. I purging crap there, too. That is how you know good work is being done – when you can get down to the core of the matter and see what caused X, Y and Z which helps you with A, B and C. And did you guys know hoarding is a way of dealing with abandonment issues? I sure as hell didn’t until my therapist told me. But it makes all the sense in the world.Also, as I get down to things and purge I find it is helping me not binge eat, too. So amazing how that all ties together.

Well, all I can say is that these wild hairs have been most beneficial to me lately. They are part of the stuff helping make me an evolving and better man, one who is changing a little bit every day to be healthier. And it’s certainly working for my weight loss, too. Not only am I cooking more these days but I’m curbing my consumption levels again (which is helping bring that weight down more and more) AND saving a shitload of money in the process. Amazing what NOT eating out all the time can do, eh?

Well, that’s all I got for today. A short and sweet blog to help keep you going. Oh, and if you get one of those wild hairs to take time for yourself, listen to them and do them. You won’t be sorry because nothing feels as good as when you are working on you for a change.

Day forty-five.

My friends,  since I don’t know what time of day you usually catch all the blog that’s fit to type (thank you, New York Times) I will wish you good day. I feel so energized today for two reasons: one, I had a wowzer of a twelve-step meeting last night and I am down in my weight thanks to some mighty powerful positive energy and a kick-ass workout yesterday at the gym.

Let’s start with the gym…

I know I’ve said this before but I am sticking to my guns now – I am making working out my religion again. No, there is nothing that replaces God, but working out makes me feel, well, “high.” It gives me both a physical and mental boost and I got the chance yesterday to work out – both physically and mentally – a lot of the demons that had come to visit these past couple of days.  It felt good to employ much of what my sensei Doug Shaffer is teaching me about mixed martial arts as part of my workout. I did leg work and arm work. Hell, I even did roundhouse kicks and had a great day with my ever-aging hip. I did my tricep dips, push-ups and shadowboxing (which works up a sweat by itself). Also , I am eating better, too. That is the vital co-component to any weight loss, don’t forget. I am working out AND also not eating the comfort foods, and I am drinking more water. Because of that I am enjoying my new downward trend, thank you very much. Even with just a few days of recommitment I saw a 239.2 on my scale today, and I so can’t wait to hit the gym again today. Woohoo!!!!

As for my twelve-step meeting last night I have to say it was a whopper. You’ve heard me talk about my meetings before but last night I attended such a powerful meeting I just have to share. I will never betray the tenets of the meetings (meaning I will never discuss details, names, etc.) but suffice it to say I am a true believer in those meetings. They offer places in which individuals from all walks of life can  let it all out and allows people to  express themselves – whether through anger, sadness, contemplation or happiness – in the safest, most non-judgmental environments. We are all there for various reasons connected through addiction, but I pray for some of those people sometimes. I really do, especially in a world that would shun, ridicule, belittle or make fun of us for even being there. At least for that hour we are safe from all that BS, and our shame, anger, worry, resentment and misery all have company.

When I left that meeting I looked up at the sky and thanked God for the positive things and people in my life, because many people in that room do not have that going for them, and many also have other addictions they are fighting, not the least of which is food – something to which I can totally relate. That’s why I was so jazzed to hit the gym. Working out centers me. It lets me know I am putting sweat-equity into myself and doing work on myself both spiritually and physically. It helps me make “living amends” to myself and others and keeps me on the path to be that better man.

Have a wonderful, positive day, my friends. Go and conquer the world, or at least your parts of it. You are so worthy of success in whatever form, but especially in weight loss. If losing weight is your goal, go for it. I am proud of you and with you 100%. And I know this blog is rambly today and I apologize. I am still in utter appreciation, wonder and, admittedly, shock over some of the things I heard last night. And even when I might not feel O.K.  I will be O.K. We all will be because of one simple thing…we are here now, and present in our own lives and that makes all the difference in the world. And  I am going to do my best to stay here and be here for as long as I am here.

Hear, hear!

Day forty-three.

Happy Monday, everyone. So sorry this entry is on the late side today. My weekend was both good and bad. It was good because I am here and present and continue to be in sobriety (and yes, I did survive my Twinkie craving). The bad, I gained back two freaking pounds. Grrrrrr. So now I am back up to 240.5 and I do not approve one stinking bit! And you know what that means…my ass is so hitting the gym every day this week.

I also had a couple of really good twelve-step meetings Saturday and Sunday. I’ve said before how absolutely humbling they are because of others going through the same thing but yesterday’s meeting in particular struck a chord in me that I’d like to share.

In yesterday’s meeting we discussed the process of making amends to people. What struck me about this yesterday was that someone used a phrase I will keep with me the rest of my life. For in our quest to make things right with ourselves as we heal and to those we might have wronged, it is important to keep making “living amends,” meaning that no matter whether we are able to make amends directly or not (or if people even believe us or not) WE know we are on the right path and WE CONTINUE to be on our sober paths, leading good, sober and clean lives, taking care of keeping our side of the street clean of the filth that was there before.

That is so true no matter whether it is with weight loss or not. We so need to keep living the life we want to live to have the lives we want and, first and foremost, we as individuals must reconcile and forgive ourselves for wrongs done, too. When we do that we truly can begin making things right with the world even if there are parts of it that want no part in that healing. It is up to us to keep walking that path for us and no one else.

I say this about all addictions, really. No matter your drug of choice we need to forgive ourselves the past, make our self-amends and move on with today. Then, continue making those “living amends” so we never go back to being who or what we were before because we do deserve healing. And believe me, I know very well how much that applies to food, also. Using comfort food to numb things in my past got me to 400 pounds. But it’s also gotten me back to 240.5 and I need to be at 225. So what’s Bill gonna do about it? Workout, eat better and forgive himself, that’s what.

I know this isn’t an easy process. Hell, it’s far from it but we can make it and we will. I don’t know how many of you there are out there but even if only one person is reading or listening then all of this is worth it. It is worth it for the exact same reasons why a twelve-step meeting will take place even if there are only two people in the room – the group leader and someone else. Because someone is always there to understand what you’re going through and is there to support you in whatever recovery you are undertaking. That’s huge, especially knowing how hard kicking any addiction is.

I don’t have very much I want to share today except that, my friends. That you are not alone and to keep on even if it seems like you are alone because you are not alone. We stand together determined, which is why I chose the website name I chose. And don’t forget to forgive yourself. Put the past behind you and step forth onto a new path. It is scary but it is the best thing you can do for you, and you are the most important person in the world.

Day fifteen.

It’s a bright and sunny day today.The sky is clear, absolutely clear and the rest of the day lies ahead. How many times did I say that to try to look at the day optimistically? To make the most of the time and beauty in a day? Many, many times, I know. And there were times, especially in my weight loss, where I did make the most of that time, like when I made time to get a workout. But in my addiction that gradually regressed until many of my days were pissed away with me only doing the bare minimum.

I attended my fourth twelve-step meeting yesterday and my first direct appointment on Saturday, and both were great at helping cut through the stuff and get to the core of what brought me to this point.  It was the fear of not being liked and it was that fear that truly got me so far away from who I was that I lost sight of me for a long, long time…and made me eventually lose sight of my religion, as well.

When I say religion I do not necessarily mean going to church and praying, although there is a component to that, too. No, I meant my religion in terms of taking care of myself and working out. These past couple of weeks have truly challenged me into acknowledging how much I let that slip in all this. I am a believer in God. I know there are many variations of higher beings out there for many different people and beliefs, and that’s cool. But I do believe in God and as much as I haven’t attended actual church I stopped praying at the alter of the elliptical, free weights and leg presses, too.

This last week specifically I have been making that time to reconnect with working out. I added in at least one hour every day solely dedicated to hitting the gym. And almost every day last week (save for one where it was unavoidable to not workout) I got my ass back to the gym to not only supplement the martial arts training but to get back to my core, the man I want to become physically, too. And it’s working. It really is working.

Like I said attending the meetings has been such a wonderful thing in so many ways, but it also serves as a reminder that I do have an obligation to restore the healthy in my life and to strive for that every single day because some people cannot or do not have the strength to do that. The meetings are the great reminder of one’s core gifts, and while we are all the same in that room you can tell, just tell, who is O.K. coming out of a meeting and who is holding on this/close to losing it all.

I came that close. I really did. Everything that’s happened has brought me to a point in life where I not only really face me for the first time but also deal with what’s really going on inside, what really made me act this way. I am actually excited again about things, among them going back to “church.” My church. The church of the gym and of fitness. The only thing I did right all this time was lose weight and I have to keep doing it right if for no one else than myself. But also for you guys, too.

We all lose our way. I know we do. In the twelve-step meetings they explain how there is no shame and no judgment. Just a way to connect with people going through the same stuff so you do know you’re not alone. The same can be said for this blog. I am human. I’ve always said that. I slip up and eat shit I’m not supposed to and there are days I don’t feel like working out. But there is no way we will get the results we want until we address our stuff and get to work. Not just physically but mentally, and not just mentally but physically. Plain and simple.

These past couple of weeks, part of what’s saved me and made my mind free is that exercise, the actual sweating, kicking and hitting a bag, doing six push-ups kind of exercise. Also, part of what’s saved me is the actual going to the gym by myself and hitting the elliptical, doing my kicks and punches in there, too, my tricep dips and my crunch turns. That is awesome. I am glad to say I am getting back in touch with religion. I know we all don’t believe in God, or a God, or even have something/someone to whom to pray. But that’s alright. That is a very personal thing, and it’s for each and every one of us to find whether we pray at the alter of the Lord or pray at the alter of the gym.

Thankfully, these days I’ve been doing both.

You all know I started taking martial arts classes about two months ago as a new way to workout given by the awesome sensei Doug Shaffer. It is awesome! I do things like shadowboxing, kicks, bag punches, leg and floor exercises and stretches and I do my best to try to repeat those exercises in a gym when I am not in my classes…

…but I never told you about how it FEELS to do it alone – without an instructor and to do these things in front of others.

When I am in my sensei’s training area, even though there is a huge clear window at the front which allows people to stare all they want (and sometimes they do) and the door is always open so they can come in I do not feel self-conscious about doing my shadowboxing, Turkish get-ups (my least favorite thing but only because by the time I do it my arms are really tired) and line kicks because my sensei is there with me. He is obviously guiding me. A casual passerby can look or drop in and say “O.K. the big guy’s the student and the other guy is telling him how to move…”

When I am alone in my gym it’s a different story. The gym I go to is of decent size but has machines and equipment throughout, enough to make line kicks hard because they are in the way and the space is way smaller. It’s also a challenge to find a good big space on the floor to do the get-ups and other floor stuff but I manage. Those things I can handle. The biggest problem I face is the problem we all face when we go to the gym…other people watching.

When people see you on an elliptical or using a treadmill or using free weights they can see something else physical, kind of like when people see an instructor in the room. It processes in the brain. Even if someone is on the floor doing crunches or push-ups you are familiar with those exercises so it doesn’t seem so, well, foreign. But when you are trying to walk the length of a gym back and forth kicking the air in front of you, or are trying to defeat Ivan Drago from “ROCKY IV” in your head as you punch air you can start to feel eyes on you. And even if they are not they FEEL like they are, because it’s not “normal,” like “what’s he doing?”

That’s when I focus and picture my sensei right next to me telling me “Give me two minutes of kicking legs and boxing arms…GO!” I put aside what I perceive as being looked at and focus on what I am doing. When I stand in the corner looking in the mirror practicing my punches or, better yet, my upward knee kicks, I imagine my sensei there telling me to “give him ten on each side, then go back to shadowboxing.”

Today when I hit the gym it’s going to be all about the abs, doing this rocking back and forth thing (kind of like a turtle on its back) which works out your abs like a sonofabitch. And I know that, to the untrained eye, I will look like a turtle. But I will look like a turtle doing his best not to get back on his feet but one trying to firm up his “flabs of steel.”

If you go to the gym and worry about how others look at you, don’t. That is a silly, silly waste of time and energy. Most people  go to a gym to do exactly what you are doing – get fit and exercise. I am sure there are some people who go to show off and/or to judge and those people can suck it. If you go to a gym or other public place to workout you have already taken that step. Don’t let perception drag you down.

Just imagine your own personal sensei (whatever/whoever that is) right by your side giving you the encouragement you need to keep going.

Happy weekend, my friends. I am just returned from attending Kenwood Academy’s 40-year all-class high school reunion. I have to say I wasn’t quite sure what to expect exactly. There’s a part of me that was expecting sweeping changes, the futuristic visions we’ve all seen in movies – an almost completely foreign inside building with only the outside facade remaining. Then there’s part of me that was hoping it didn’t change THAT much. That I would still recognize the layout, classrooms and even some of the people – so that coming back meant, in part, coming home.

It was both.

I woke up yesterday excited at the chance to visit Kenwood, and that excitement turned into vast hunger and I all but inhaled a huge (HUGE) breakfast that I knew was bad for me (and this after having my requisite hot dogs). Ugh. But I ate knowing I was saving myself for the main event, and not knowing what kinds of food would be served I wanted to be prepared for anything.

I am glad I ate that huge breakfast, too, because I sat in the second worst traffice of my entire life (the first worst being one gruelling two-hour morning on southbound Lake Shore Drive going probably half the distance) on my way to the thing. It took me two-and-a-half hours to get there from near the airport to Hyde Park. Add to that my growing excitement and I was thinking I was definitely going to be hungry.

When I arrived there was only one other person from my 1988 graduating class, Dionne, who also just happened to be the event organizer. So instead of catching up she had things to do, places to go and people to kill which left me standing there watching as others saw their classmates, gave hugs and talked about the past x-number of years.I felt a bit alone, but there was a cool sense of being back in something that looked – and felt – familiar. So I just stood there and drank it in.

Surprisingly, there were a ton of people from Kenwood’s original 1970 graduating class. It was so cool to be standing there amongst people who were there to “break in” the school, who saw it’s brand new walls, who named its King Room (yes, after Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.) and who were the first to graduate from this awesome place.

Then, something remarkable happened. As I was talking to several people from the 1970 graduating class it occured to one guy whose name escapes me (sorry, dude) who said, “so, you were born the year we graduated high school?!” All of a sudden, in a world that today seems to be filled with people getting younger and younger, I felt like the young one. I somewhat embarrassingly said “yes, sir. I was,” but thought to myself “I never thought I’d hear someone say that to me about me. Sweet.”

Then a few familiar faces showed up and the evening got better – and louder. People from almost every class were so excited to see people and all of us, with our respective classmates, walked the halls one last time. We noticed the big things were still the same: the buildings and halls were the same, the restrooms on each floor STILL had the front doors removed. Hell, even the band room, save for one piece of new digital looking equipment almost hidden in the front looked exactly the same. The auditorium had the same seats and the halls almost had even the same smell if there ever was such a thing. It was the small differences that made the night – the wonderful addition of wheelchair-accessible elevators at key points in the building, the new lockers were really skinny (to accomodate many more students, I guess) AND BLUE. Metal and weapon detectors at all the entrances (very sad it’s come to that in high schools these days). Kids talking on and texting with cell phones (if we wanted to get a message to someone we had to – gasp – pass notes).

The best new addition – a fully-stocked weight and workout room. This thing was so cool. All of us 86-87-88ers marvelled at it and became instantly jealous that students, on a free period, could work out if they wanted. And that the teams had far better equipment to use. Freaking sweet. That thing was better equiped than my gym. It’s wonderful to see fitness actually take hold in schools.

I didn’t stick around for the food, though (chicken, veggies and pasta). By almost ten o’clock I was done. I had walked the halls, laughed with old friends and remembered what it was like to be young again. God, how I wish I could go back to that time in my life. I do, sometimes. We all do sometimes. But as I walked out I noticed the newer generation of current Kenwood Broncos enjoying themselves and making the memories that will make them come back to this place twenty years from now.

As you are now, I once was. As I am now, you will be.

I thought about that wonderful saying as I ate my turkey BLT club trying to avoid the fries but failing. I may not be that young anymore but I do have the rest of my life to look forward to because I’ve lost this weight. Who know? I might not even have been here now if I hadn’t lost it all. No matter what, I am glad I went. I will be a Bronco for life and the memories I made in that school have become a part of the living history of it.

I just hope the food in the lunchroom isn’t the same. Although, I do miss a good piece of cheese toast and the taste of a dry-ass cheeseburger every now and then.

My friends, I have been honored.

Yesterday, Unbeknownst to me and on the same day I wrote part one of my blog post about him, martial arts and self defense expert Doug Shaffer, my sensei, wrote his blog post about me (WHICH YOU CAN READ BY CLICKING HERE) . It was very cool to read how my workouts could inspire a teacher who has been doing this for as long as he has, especially when just being in his class inspires me (and by the way I DID TWO HONEST-TO-GOODNESS PUSH-UPS YESTERDAY).

In my blog yesterday I began my Q&A with Sensei Doug about how mixed martial arts can be awesome for physical fitness. Today, I continue my conversation with Doug so grab your morning cup of coffee and jump into (or kick or punch) reading more about the benefits of using MMAs (mixed martial arts) to enhance a weight loss journey…

Sensei, what do you want people to learn when they come to you inquiring about MMAs as a way to improve fitness? Are your goals the same as theirs?

I guess the biggest thing I want people to understand is that everyone can do this at any point in their lives. It’s never too late to get yourself in shape and start moving. Everyone has reservations about embarking upon a life change such as this, but when you have good coaching, it’s a gradual, beneficial change that is much longer lasting. My goals as a teacher are the same as my students’. Most teachers might have a different opinion, but not me. I’m in the business of improving the quality of people’s lives through staying healthy, training, and learning. I still compete, and I still train everyday, just as my students do. The students tell me that they, too, are there in order to improve their lives through what I have to offer. We all treat each other as an extended family and every time a new student walks in the door, they are welcomed as a part of that family. We all have learned over time that this is not easy, but we also lean on each other for support along the way. I want everyone to know that they can do this! EVERYONE can practice.

What kind of diets do you suggest people follow to go along with MMA training?

This is a complicated question, and the answer is subject to the needs of the person training. Again, please ask your doctor first. If you’re not used to any kind of training at all, you’ll need to do some research as to what to eat to provide the correct nutrients and long lasting natural energy. Asking your health care professional is the best place to start.

What are the benefits of doing MMAs? Toning? Strength training? Etc?

MMA is a great way to not only improve your cardiovascular health, but increase your range of motion, and flexibility while toning and developing. It really is a complete system that calls on your whole body to perform. During an average session you’ll not only be burning calories, but you’ll be focusing on the development of your body and getting closer to the way you want to see yourself in the mirror. It’s a very rewarding feeling watching your arms, chest, back, and stomach begin to chisel out after just your first few weeks – yes, I said weeks – of training. There is no such thing as being too strong. This is your time to improve yourself and work on your own personal goals.

What is a good recommended workout regimen in terms of days per week, hours per day and time spent?

If you are just getting started with a new routine, I recommend training at least three times per week. If you are training in a studio or a gym with a trainer, they will have a program in place for you that will have you working anywhere from 45 minutes to and hour. When you are not at the gym, it’s important to stay lose and open by stretching at home, and making sure you’re staying on track with the proper diet as recommended by your doctor. Diet and exercise must work together in order to have any good results. If you’ve already been training for some time you might want to try bumping up to 4-5 days per week. Most importantly, it’s key to listen to your body. If you feel that you’re over doing it you need to take time to rest and prepare for the next session. Your body will tell you when it’s tired. Please take time to enjoy what you do.

Want to know the kicker (ha, I made a martial arts joke)? Even though I leave Sensei Doug’s class drained and tired I always go back and try to do something I’ve learned harder and faster, to test what I’ve learned and to build on that now that my body has warmed up a bit and isn’t so stiff.

So if you’re thinking about fitness, just like Daniel-san found out in “The Karate Kid,” it all starts with a great teacher. Thanks, Doug, for everything. See you again soon.