Determined To Succeed

Day twenty-five.

I am sitting here honestly not knowing what to write today. The past few days have been such a roller-coaster of emotions, feelings, thoughts and events that I just don’t have the quiet necessary to write something cohesive. Please forgive me for that. I know there are people out there who read me everyday (and thank you so much for that), but sometimes it’s hard to get the brain firing on all cylinders. I will do my best, though, and write several mini blog posts in this bigger blog post.

A mini-blog about weight:

I am down to 234.4 today, so down another half-pound or so and back into the battle of the final ten. This is after a period where I binged a bit too much and gained back about eight pounds or so. Addictions do that to you, ya know. They take your strength, time, money, sanity and even your soul. And for what? Distractions that are fleeting at best? Then you literally feed them with comfort foods that leave you with nothing but pounds.  Well, thanks to amazing support and some good therapy I am getting a handle on both and am controlling my eating again. Woo-fucking-hoo!!! By year’s end, maybe sooner, I will see that 225 on my scale again. You’ll see. I will get there.

A mini-blog about time:

Labor Day Weekend is upon us and I’m sitting here lamenting how much time I’ve pissed away in my life. We always say things like “I can’t believe it’s already ________,” and insert your choice of holiday, day or date here, but this time I cannot blame work or a hectic life on my loss of time. I am the only one responsible for wasting so much time in my life to my addictions, and now the year is three-quarters over and I have little to show for it. I wanted to be rich and well-into writing a book by now. Yeah, that didn’t happen. I wanted to be planning weight loss speaking engagements. Strike two. I should have been doing so much more than I have actually done but gave in to the addict in me. Sigh. Well, I am going to be making the utmost of the remaining three months of this year. I have a lot of time to make up for and I will be. You’ll see. I will get there.

A mini-blog about food:

This morning was a true test of my Bill Power. I had such a taste for a breakfast burrito from McDonald’s. I don’t know why that is but I did. Maybe I just needed protein to replenish myself, or maybe the thought of something hot and eggy/cheesy sounded good. But I held back and decided instead to just get my reduced-fat blueberry muffin and coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts. Man, since that binge of not-so-long ago I have really tried to ask myself “do I really need/want ______,” and fill in the blank with your comfort food of choice, with the answer almost always being “no, I don’t.” So I’ve passed up cravings for strawberry ice-cream, McDonald’s and even that delicious peach shake from Chick-Fil-A in favor of healthier drinks and meals. And lo and behold it’s working again. Gee, go figure…

A final mini-blog about the Labor Day holiday weekend:

Usually I take Saturdays and Sundays off to give my wee brain a rest from writing (and to give you a rest from my rantings about, well, stuff). But this weekend I am going to be taking advantage of the holiday and taking tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday off. It will be good to get out and take in some of the summer air (even though a hurricane is supposed to be hitting the Jersey coast sometime tomorrow), and things I have all but ignored over the summer so far. What will I do? I have no idea but that is a beautiful thing. All I know is I will be appreciating life, communing with my mom’s spirit a bit and being present. These days that’s all that matters.

And there you have it, a scatter-brained, roller coaster blog to start the holiday weekend off right (I guess). In going to therapy and going to twelve-step meetings I have done my absolute best to adhere to the steps themselves. They say in meetings to work the steps because they work if you work them, and I am doing that. I am trying so that a healing time can happen. I know I have done wrong in my life but it is time to heal and continue making myself a better man. That means taking care of myself, setting boundaries, keeping tabs on my weight, not wasting anymore time, thinking about comfort foods and being present to enjoy long, lazy weekends. I hope you guys can all do the same. Life is truly a precious gift and is way too short to waste it on the negative. Be well, my friends, and avoid eating too much comfort food like hot dogs and burgers (especially if you do get down). You’ll feel better soon. You’ll see. We will all get there soon.

For those uninitiated, today is Boxing Day in the U.K. So I am sending a huge shout out to all my friends, visitors and fans in the United Kingdom today! I had it in my mind to actually get up at 6:00 a.m. (or thereabouts), work out and then hit the stores looking for great discounts, deals and sales.

Um, yeah. That didn’t happen.

Instead, I woke up around 8:00 a.m. and listened to the sound of the rain outside (which is melting the last of last week’s two feet of snow). It is wonderful and very peaceful. Then I dragged my sorry and sagging butt out of bed, threw on clothes and headed to my gym.

Despite my lazy “get up and out of bed” mode I was quite excited to get back into the gym after indulging (maybe a bit too much) on wonderful holiday foods. “Eh. It’s O.K.,” I told myself as I did my four miles on the elliptical. “I will get rid of this extra weight,” I said as I did my 100 weighted tummy crunches. “I know I will,” as I did my 50 arm curls with dumbbells.

It was an awesome workout, one that I am proud of. And while I didn’t get the Boxing Day/day after Christmas sales I got something way better…time for me, dedicated and devoted to me to exercise and take care of myself and this weight loss journey.

You guys out there may be out shopping by now and will return to a wonderful RSS feed saying I’ve updated my blog (I hope so, anyway) so I hope you took and/or take some time out today from shopping to work on you. That is so very important on this journey we’re all on. It doesn’t matter if it’s a walk, an hour at the gym, sit-ups watching sports at home. DO that for you and you give yourself the best present of all this holiday season.

So now it’s time to hop in the shower and get out and explore what rolls of wrapping paper are left at the Container Store and see what logo tees are left at Old Navy.

That will be a workout in itself, I’m sure.

For all of my friends who celebrate Christmas – Merry Christmas. And for all of my friends who don’t – Happy Friday to you. It’s overcast this morning in southern New Jersey today and a wintry mix and/or rain is expected later with a high of about 41 degrees.

You guys don’t usually get the weather forecast from me but I thought I’d be a bit different today and share with you my holiday wishes. You see this Christmas, as you know, will be a reflective time for me. As I take time to remember my mom, JoAnn, I think about her, Christmases past and Christmases yet-to-come. In my mind’s eye, when I see those future Christmases, I see a time when we have reached (or in my case re-reached) our ultimate weight loss goals.

Oh sure, we’re gonna indulge (as we should from time to time) in the foods of the season, much like the snow that blanketed the Northeast last weekend. But the trick is to prepare, both before and after, for the storms of food we face on the holidays themselves. We can do that by working out before and after and making sure we have our provisions. Not the bread and milk and waffles and such that people buy when the latest “storm of the century” is approaching. No, I mean things like fruits and other lower-calorie foods on which to snack.

I also mean forgiving yourself the couple of extra pounds you may gain during a holiday. Why? Why is that important? Two reasons.

One (and I remind myself of this one every single day) – you will re-lose that weight. In this weight loss journey of mine I know I will continue to eat the foods I want to eat. And, from time to time, my weight will show it. But I will forgive myself and also know the days during which I indulge are fewer and much further between than they used to be. That I’ve come such a long way I know what to do to take care of myself. That the pounds will come off and will stay off when I work out and watch my intake the rest of the time.

Two – If you do not let yourself have the foods you like every now and then you, I and everyone else will turn into grumpy old Scrooges. I certainly don’t want that. This may be different for everyone reading (and thanks to all those who do read me, especially my new friends in North America, Canada, Belgium, Serbia, India, South Africa, the United Kingdom and Thailand) but being miserable is no way to sustain a new way of life. Weight loss is a lifestyle we’ve chosen. This new lifestyle also has with it a reality component which states you will eat foods sometimes bad for you. Oh well. Enjoy them but get right back on track. One day will not derail you…unless you let it by continuing to eat the way you used to and slip back into your old comfortable patterns.

So you see, while today’s forecast calls for rain, my forecast calls for success. We are all on this weight loss journey together, no matter what part of the world you’re from. One of my wishes this holiday season is to touch the lives of and share weight loss stories with people from every part of the globe.  Another one is to re-lose this extra weight I’ve gained back (bah humbug) and be each other’s strength along the way.

This way, no matter where you are, your personal forecast is for sunny skies and a healthier and successful weight loss day.

Hey there, my friends. How is everyone on this Monday morning? Well, I hope. You must be asking yourself “Why is he so chipper?” Well, I just got back from working out and an egg and cheese wrap for breakfast. It was tasty and a good protein way to start my day. I have found that working out in the morning helps increase my activity during the day (and yes, gets it out of the way). As of today I am also within three pounds of re-reaching my goal weight of 225lbs and I am so happy.

But that is not why I am writing today.

I am writing to everyone today to let you guys know about a bit of holiday healing I did over the weekend. And it was all due to the snow that fell in the east on Saturday afternoon/evening. As I sat in the late afternoon watching the sky turn a beautiful, muted blue the snow was coming down in huge flakes. Neighbors of mine came out and were catching the flakes on their tongues. A neighbor dog ran and played (before it got a bit too cold). It was beautiful and just what I needed to help begin snapping the holiday funk I’ve been in.

Most of you know I lost my mom almost six months ago. When you lose someone time loses meaning. It has no definition. One minute it feels like an eternity has passed, the next minute it feels like yesterday. I have the coincidence of four major events in a row – Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas and my mom’s birthday – one right after the other. And during this time of year there is nothing like the sound of my mom’s voice saying “happy birthday, son” or just shootin’ the bull during the holiday season when the weather outside turns frightful.

The snow on Saturday helped me to “feel” the holidays for the first time this year. It reminded me to enjoy the season and its beauty. Like many people, there are days when all I want to do is hide. Crawl away and let the world pass by, like a train at the station. I don’t want to follow through the day’s routines, and I certainly don’t want to exercise or even deal with people. There are sooooooo many times when my couch comes a callin’ and it’s an irresistible call – especially when some good distracting TV is on.

My mom’s passing has been hard, as it is for all those who lose loved ones and have to “celebrate” the first holiday season, birthday, anniversary, etc. without them. I do my best to not let that funk get me down but it does. I am human. And when I get funky I tend to eat. But something happened last weekend. I didn’t overeat. I thought about not letting cancer beat me and my mom twice and I didn’t order Chinese food. I went to exercise yesterday morning.

I know that this is hard some days. Believe me, exercising and cutting back on certain foods is the pits especially when you’re blue. But know in your hearts you have come such a long way and you have done so well for yourself. I hope to keep that covenant to you, too, and stay as true as humanly possible to my weight loss journey as well.

So, my friends, take some of my strength today. Take some of those endorphins (or however you spell it) and energy that I mustered from working out today and use it to help you power through today. We are all in this together, even if you are also dealing with hurt and pain this holiday season. And if you need a word of encouragement I am here, too. Just drop me a line through this website.

No matter what, just know you are all amazing and like all of us on this weight loss journey, it’s OK to have the batteries run low every now and then.