Determined To Succeed

It is not often in life we get to visit Mecca, the home and/or birthplace of something we love. Heck, it’s even a rarity in the cartoon world, too (remember Homer Simpson’s all-too-brief “dream job” working as a taster for Duff Beer?). Well, I got the chance of a lifetime wrapping up the conference I attended because Atlanta is the home and birthplace of my number one kryptonite, above Chinese food and above Milky Way bars. You guessed it, Coca-Cola.

Yep. I treated myself to a tour of the World of Coca-Cola, a museum and tourist attraction dedicated to all things Coke. And I will admit now, part of the serious attraction of going was the ability to taste different Coke products from all over the world and have at the end of the tour – wait for it again – an ice-cold Coca-Cola. And I know what you’re thinking: “you mean to tell me, after all your griping about you gaining weight on your trip, you’re a drug addict going to the place that not only sells drugs but makes them?”

Yup.

I freely admit to going into the lion’s den, the belly of the whale. The place where it all happens (well, at least the museum dedicated to it). I have always said on my weight loss journey I will have the things I want, just in moderation. And yes, those of you who read me regularly know I have had a few bad Coke binges from time to time, so much so I had to detox from Coke for a time. But this was going to be cool, seeing a museum dedicated to the history of a drink invented by John S. Pemberton just a few blocks from the museum, itself. It was also a way to confront my desire and addiction to this awesome, yet fattening, beverage.

I won’t bore you with the details of every aspect of the place – the tour and brief walk through the history of the marketingf of Coke, the movies you see (including the 4D one), even its impact on pop culture. What I will tell you, though, since my blog is dedicated to eating (and drinking) and weight loss is the best part of visiting the place – tasting Coke products from all over the world.

Yes, at the end of your self-guided tour you get to a tasting room where you can personally sample, as many times as you’d like, each and every soft drink beverage made and distributed by Coca-Cola around the world. Like the awesome Sparletta brand Spar-Berry from Zimbabwe. Or the Fanta Good Apple Kiwi from Thailand. You can even taste the most horrible-tasting soft drink in the world – a drink available in Italy called Beverly. It is so bad the workers there encourage you to taste it just to see how bad it is (which is wretched). And while the ability to taste these beverages, including my beloved TAB, is cool. I was there for a glass (OK, plastic cup) of the “good stuff.”

Looking around the tastng room I was wondering where the regular Coke fountain was. It was awesome to see that it had a tasting room all it’s own, a room dedicated to Coke, Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Coke Cherry Zero, etc. In other words, the belly of the whale. I had two cups, each about four ounces, of Coke and then I cut myself off. Any all-you-can-eat buffet is dangerous and I avoid them at all costs. And in this all-you-can-drink buffet I limited myself to just a splash of each of the six other beverages I tasted because soft drinks are one of those things I am addicted to. It is a comfort food for me and therefore a dangerous one, and I didn’t want to inadvertently give myself the taste for the drug again. So I left after that, but not before taking a complimentary bottle of Coke on the way out (don’t worry, it was only another eight ounces).

My kryptonite foods are just that to me. They weaken me and cause me to go off the rails of my new and healthier lifestyle. I had to, over time, learn to control my cravings and desires for these things because they are all bad for you. Is pop as healthy as water? Hell no, and just because I visit the land of Coke I’m not going to change my mind. It is one of those things you should give up or seriously cut back on if you want to lose weight and keep it off. What was cool was seeing how one guy created the world’s number one soft drink and how that formula is one of the best and most kept secrets in the world.

I do my best every day to curtail having Cokes, you guys know that, and this visit helped me do that. I have overdosed on Coke from time to time. I am a Coke fiend. It is dangerous stuff to me. Every time I visit Wawa I have to stop myself from going to the cooler, the taste is that strong. And to be able to visit Mecca and not claim one of the Coke fountains for my very own and rip it from the wall and try to take it on trhe plane back with me is a triumph. Not just because I overcame the urge to do something stupid that would have landed me in jail, but because I have overcome so many urges along this almost five year weight loss journey(both weight loss and weight maintenance) to give in to the temptations that would easily take me back to being 400 pounds.

I may not have it every day anymore but I’ve never stopped drinking Coke. I never will completely. Everything in moderation, or to use another phrase “drink responsibly.” There are empty calories in soft drinks, and if you’re going to still have them have them as a treat not an every day with every meal thing like I once did. I have to moderate that moderation and not make up excuses to have as much Coke as I’ve been known to have in my life and in the pages of this blog.

When I get back home you bet your ass I will be hitting the gym to work off the calories of convention food, room service and Coca-Cola. I have to because I know I’ve gained some weight on this trip. Business trips frequently make us gain weight because they take us out of our normal routine. But re-reaching my weight loss goal will cause me to make the same sound heard when I open the ever-so-familiar bottle (fizzzzzzzzzz) and taste its icy-cold goodness…

…aaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

You guys ever hear the urban legend about a certain fast food establishment where presumably vermin eggs were found in its meat? Of course you have. Live long enough and you’ll hear all kinds of urban legends. Some are fun and cool. Some are scary and mean. Some are just plain gross, like the story about the fast food restaurant. However, when you tell crap like that to a somewhat gullible yet very nice guy (yours truly) and you find that he won’t eat there – FOR YEARS!!!!!

OK, I will admit now that it has been a few years since I personally dispelled that disgusting urban legend (and had food at said fast food establishment) but I still think about it every single time (not all the time, don’t worry) I go through its drive-thru. And that’s with an urban legend proven fake, false and untrue.

Then why do I still drink pop (what we Midwesterners call soda)?

I have been doing so well up until last night. You see I spent about twelve hours looking at this pretty light box you youngin’s call the computer and so my whole eating day was thrown off. I had lunch at four and dinner damn-near ten (which wasn’t healthy at all), but what I really feel bad about were the pops I drank last night. Yes, pops. Plural.. Ugh. I feel so bad, like an alcoholic who slipped back into a bar and ordered themselves a bottle to go.

If you follow this blog with any regularity (I sincerely hope you do and thank you) you know several things – 1) that I always liken eating certain foods, pop and treats to being an alcoholic craving these things, but that I never make light of a serious disease like true alcoholism. 2) that these things are my Kryptonite. They are my Achilles Heel. Ugh. They are my weak spot. And why? Because (in a voice that mocks myself like a spoiled brat) “they won’t hurt me. They’re liquid and will pass out of me.”

That’s horses&%t. I should know better. I should know better because I do crave the sweet taste of pop at night. I do. I don’t know what it is. Some people have to have a cigarette. Some people have to have a glass of wine. Some people have to have chocolate. Well, I “have to have” a soda. I guess because I haven’t had it in such a little while that the urge really hit me strong in the Wawa last night. I went in for copies of the newspaper and came out with three pops – a Canada Dry Ginger Ale, A&W Root Beer and a – wait for it – Coca-Cola.

WTF!? I know. I am shaking my own head at that one. And getting back to urban legends sometimes I think it would be easier if someone invented one about drinking pop. So I could stop. I’m a poet and didn’t know it (insert Peter Griffin laugh here). I would also never say to anyone to invent such a thing because the reality of soda is far worse than fiction.

We drink pop/soda because it tastes good, quenches our thirst, and tingles pleasantly on our tongues. We hope that even if pop/soda is not healthy, at least it won’t hurt. But the reality is that it can, and it will. Regular soda ingredients include phosphorus. Too much phosphorus in your body leads to a reduction in calcium and magnesium, which are vital for a normal heart rate, nerve and muscle function, blood clotting, good bones and teeth. It can lead to tooth loss, damage your gums, cause osteoarthritis in adults and bone fractures in adolescents.

Pop also includes caffeine, which is another easy way to lose calcium. Too little calcium can cause heart rhythm irregularities and severe anxiety in susceptible people. Withdrawal from caffeine includes headaches, fatigue, muscle pain and stiffness, nausea, vomiting, and depression. Women may suffer from increased PMS (premenstrual syndrome) symptoms.

Regular soda is also loaded – LOADED – with sugar, which has no redeeming nutritional value whatsoever except for a transient increase in energy followed by a crash. Too much sugar can cause obesity and tooth enamel damage because it impedes the ability of white blood cells to kill bacteria in the mouth (I think I just felt my tooth twinge a little from the dental work I just had done the other day).

And finally, sugar in pop often comes in the form of high fructose corn syrup (HFCS), which is suspected to have a multitude of deleterious effects on the body. HFCS can interfere with minerals that the heart needs for proper function. It can cause elevated blood cholesterol and contribute to blood clots, increase uric acid – a symptom of heart disease – contribute to the development of cancer and diabetes, raise phosphorus levels, and cause diarrhea and chronic mineral losses leading to premature aging of the skin. It also contributes to copper deficiency, which in turn can lead to anemia, soft bones, connective tissue defects, obesity, infertility, heart arrhythmias, high cholesterol, heart attacks, and even diabetes.

Who needs an urban legend when you have these facts. And we won’t even get into diet soda again.

You’ve heard me say recently I’ve weaned from soda and I have. Today I am fine. I just need to seriously curtail my urge to drink pop at night, like locking the wolfman up before he changes so that, when he does, he is contained in a safe four walls. Hmmmmm, I don’t think it will come to that. All I have to do is read what I just told you and the taste goes out of my mouth pretty effectively…

…much like it did for that fast food many years ago.

Happy Monday, my friends. Today is a happy, bright and sunny, albeit chilly, Monday in southern New Jersey. Welcome to it and a brand new 10,080 minutes in the week.  It’s an exciting day for a few reasons.

First, I am pleased to report I survived the weekend (and a very meloncholy Mother’s Day) without  emotional eating. It was hard, though. Leading up to Mother’s Day I was afraid I would be just stuffing my face when Sunday arrived, and boy I wanted to. You guys know me. I have my Kryptonite foods and they called to me like the Sirens call ships and sailors to their fate. I was having cravings for my beef fried rice, and for some strange reason General Tso’s Chicken. (Where the hell did that come from?) And thank God I weaned away from Coke before this past weekend or it would have been super mega hard to resist the bottles of Coke just taunting and teasing me to come over and taste them if and whenever I entered a Wawa. And while I did have one single Coke this weekend, one ginger ale, and a wonderful, extra crunchy (extra sugar-filled) and delicious cup of coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts, I was good and drank iced tea and water the rest of the time. I had a decent breakfast yesterday and allowed myself a treat of pretzel bites in the afternoon. No Chinese food. No Coca-Cola binge. I was good. I made it. After all I promised myself and my mama, JoAnn, I wouldn’t let her cancer beat us twice and it didn’t. We won that round, Ma, and I love you.

Second, I reached my weight loss goal for the week, 233.5. Woohoo! I am down another pound down, and am setting my sights on losing another by next Monday. I am finding that re-losing these last damn ten pounds (a.k.a. the Battle of the Final Ten) that setting my sights on losing a pound a week helps me keep it in manageable focus, which is what we all need. Good, doable goals that don’t make us feel overwhelmed. Sweet!

Third, my freaking tooth is WORLDS better than it was over the weekend. Damn, Saturday was scary. I am not a wuss by any means (OK, maybe a little one) but I know something’s wrong when I touch the outside of my mouth and it hurts. I had visions of me with a giant white towel tied to my head with an ice pack on my jaw (you know, the image you used to see in old movies illustrating tooth pain). But thanks to a great trip to the dentist and their awesome work I am back to chewing stuff like those afore-mentioned pretzel bites and bacon. Bacon! BACON! BACON! BACON!

Last, today I am launching something special (at least I think it will be) – my online weight loss motivation sessions using Skype (tm). It has always been my mission to help people achieve what I have done, lose weight and successfully keep it off. So no matter whether people just can’t seem to fit in personal care into their schedules or they’re too embarrassed to talk about it in a group or with their families I will try to help using this wacky thing you space-age kids call the computer. So check it out and pass the word on.

There are 10,080 minutes in a week. We spend roughly 3,360 minutes sleeping (based on 8 hours average sleep per night seven nights a week multiplied by 60 minutes in an hour) and approximately 2,400 minutes working (assuming a 40-hour work week). That leaves approximately 4,320 minutes to live and catch up on life – do laundry, run to the store, pick up dry cleaning, work out and exercise and simply try to recharge our batteries before the 10,080 minutes start all over again.

Yes, it is definitely a new week full of new possibilities. And even though I will be busy I will be exercising today and every day this week to help me realize my own goals in all this crazy who-ha we call weight loss. I will re-reach my goal, and you will reach yours.

So c’mon! Time’s a ticking. The week has begun…

It’s Thursday. Just three days to go until Mother’s Day and I am finding myself fighting food urges more and more. The only thing that seems to make me feel better is that I know I am fighting food urges and know why they are there in the first place. My name is Bill and I’m an emotional (and sometimes situational) eater.

Sometimes, food urges are situational. Like when you go to an event, like I did last week, and have tater tots for no better reason other than you have one glass of wine, someone else orders them and they smell really freaking good. Seemed like a good idea at the time, and it didn’t have tooooooo much effect on the bottom waistline (thank God). Or when I went to a meeting the other day where they were serving sandwiches, chips, brownies and my Kryptonite – Coca-Cola. I walked away but not before having just one small piece of sandwich. Just one small one, thank goodness.

But most times for me food urges are emotional. When I’m happy and I know it I clap my hands (and reach for snacks). When I’m nervous about something that’s a double whammy – not only do I binge but I mindlessly do it because whatever I’m nervous about occupies my mind and I don’t think of what, or how much, I’m eating. And recently, I’ve been wanting snacks because I am sad and missing my mama, JoAnn. So I reach for the things I used to have with her as a kid – Hostess Cupcakes and the sweet taste of a plain Hershey chocolate bar. I’ve even had an ice-cold Pepsi from time to time, too, in memory of her.

I know this food won’t bring my mom back, or do me any damn good when I’m trying (almost desperately) to bring my weight down. What I have to fight is that short-term high I get when I have these things. It’s like taking drugs, I guess. Score a “hit,” feel great, come down and want very much to have that again.

I know these feelings of sadness and emptiness will get a bit stronger as we approach Mother’s Day this Sunday, but knowing that does help. It may not help me curb ALL the urges I have and I know I will give into a few here and there. Just know it will be just here and there, not all the time and won’t be every day.

I will also take comfort knowing that the people in my life who still have their moms, or are moms themselves, will be with their loved ones this weekend. Whether it is by voice or in person, or even with just a card received in the mail. And  while some of these moms are healthy, some are not. Some moms may be beginning a fight with arthritis, memory or worst of all, cancer. To those moms and their children you have my heart, know that I am with you in spirit and I sincerely wish that all is made well soon.

And for those special people in my life who no longer have their moms I am with you in spirit, too. I have heard so many times since last June 9 how that void never goes away. The pain just dulls a bit. And I know in my mind and in my heart that there isn’t comfort food enough on this planet to feed that kind of longing or squelch that kind of dull pain. So we will be there for each other, too, toasting them in their ultimate healing away from this earth.

Damn, it really helps to talk about all of these feelings with you guys. Thank you. That, not cupcakes, Chinese food, Cokes, cheesesteaks, hot dogs or ribs, makes me feel better. Very much so.

My friends, welcome to Sunday and the first full day of Spring. The weekend winds down and the hours count down to yet another Monday. This has been the best weekend yet, weather-wise, and everyone (at least it seemed like everyone) was out and about enjoying the beautiful 70+-degree day. But for me, there was a shadow looming. A shadow that’s been following me around for days now that I can’t seem to shake (mmmmm, a shake sounds good. Doesn’t it?) And what was that shadow? That spectre looming?

“Snack Attacks,” that’s what.

I think I have done OK overall, both with exercise and eating. But while this was the best weather weekend it has been one of the worst for the “snack attacks.” It’s weird. I have had such cravings for snacks especially at night. I’ve craved chocolate (my precious Milky Way bars), soda (my ice-cold Coca-Colas) and, believe it or not, ice-cream (strawberry, please). I have to say I am sooooo glad I am following this meal plan because it made me go out and buy healthier snacks like Jello and pudding packs, string cheese and my darling clementine oranges. I’ve also snacked on yogurt as a nice compromise for ice-cream. If I didn’t have these in the house I would have gone straight to Wawa and gotten one or more of these, curled up on my couch and watched TV – a deadly combination.

Today I’m going to supplement my weight workouts with cardio as well as some weight training. That should keep my momentum going in terms of exercise. And during that I’m going to continue to try to curb my cravings for my old (and new) kryptonite. Grrrrrr.  As long as I keep telling myself I don’t need it my mind begins to believe it and I win that particular “battle of the bulge.”

Here’s how I did yesterday with my trainer-prescribed meal plan:

Meal 1 Oatmeal (I replaced this with my Kashi Warm Cinnamon cereal)

Meal 2 String Cheese and Yogurt (this I did have)

Meal 3 Lean Cuisine (while I didn’t have one for lunch I took the suggestion and had baked chicken with veggies)

Meal 4 Apple with Peanut Butter (OK, I cheated here a bit and had two egg rolls. I had a taste for Chinese food and instead of giving in full to the cravings for egg foo young or beef fried rice I had these. They did the trick)

Meal 5 Steak, String Beans and Salad (here is where I had a small salad with fat-free dressing, a spaghetti with meat sauce Lean Cuisine and two yogurts for dessert).

It’s so hard sometimes. When I stop for gas or, worse yet, go into the mall I’ve had to resist more and more the smells and sights of Auntie Anne’s, Godiva Chocolates, Cokes, the food courts…all of it. Damn! But here I stand able to say I did resist (for the most part) so I could continue my downward trend.

I will report to you guys tomorrow to let you know how I did today. Hopefully I can resist the draw of a warm pretzel and mustard, a Milky Way or that ever-taunting ice-cold Coca-Cola. In the meantime I’m going to enjoy as much of today as I can before the rain comes and the temperature dips and reminds us, yet again, that it’s not summer quite yet but beautiful springtime…

…no matter how many “snack attacks” lurk in the shadows.

Happy Monday, everyone. The weekend is over (as are the Grammys finally – longest awards show ever!) and now it’s time to start the week fresh, excited and motivated. Most of all I am excited and motivated by any and all newcomers to the website today. Welcome. I hope you all continue to read me, become new friends and know we are all in this weight loss journey together. If you are visiting for the first time take time and explore the website and don’t be shy about writing me to tell me what you think. I’d love to hear from you.

Yesterday I just happened to be at the Cherry Hill Mall and I ran into a dear old friend of mine, Cheri, who I haven’t seen in months. She was out and about with her 15-month-old son, Jacob, just tooling around. What a pleasant surprise it was to see her and catch up on a little bit of the old and a little bit of the new. We also had a blast watching her little one learn what walking on “new mall legs” is like in a place populated by giants with lots and lots of bags.

I got to thinking afterward how funny it is how food can work the same way. How when you don’t have a certain food for such a long time (i.e. visiting that “old food friend”) and you revisit it sometimes it’s for the good and sometimes for the not-so-good. That happened the other day with my not-so-smart splurge with a Chunky bar. You guys know Chunky? Besides the fact I used to be quite unbelievably chunky this square chocolate bar featured nuts and raisins and I ate then quite often as a child (another reason I turned into the candy bar’s namesake in physical stature). Well, the other day, on Friday, I decided to have one – for old time’s sake – and believe me when I tell you – eh, not-so-good.

It wasn’t that it was bad, but it was very much like that Throwback Pepsi I had earlier in the week. Just as much as I wanted that cool “old friend” feeling that certain foods can bring the actual foods didn’t. Sigh. And that’s OK. taste buds change. And there are many times when my fried rice is that steady “old friend” I visit from time to time when I need a taste of some comfort to ease my mind about something. For that, and sometimes that alone, my taste buds haven’t changed.

But unlike running into wonderful old friends at the mall running into certain food “old friends” isn’t as great as it should be. Quite the contrary. These “old friends” always leave you cold in the end and with more baggage than when you came for the visit (on the hips, thighs and tum tum). Ironically when I ran into Cheri I just happened to be standing directly next to the Auntie Anne’s Pretzel kiosk and I was soooooo craving a warm(ish) pretzel with gooey cheese.

But friends who support, laugh with you and feel your pain keep you from visiting “friends” who aren’t supportive and actually contribute to that pain. Did I need a pretzel? Hell no. And I would have felt worse after having it and the euphoria of the tastes left my palate. I just needed the company of actual friends, that’s all. And along this weight loss journey please know the company of all of you keeps me going and keeps me motivated just like I hope my words do you.

I’ve always been told I’m the kind of person who never meets a stranger. I’ve always liked that because I feel strangers are just friends I haven’t met yet. On this Monday I hope to add more new friends to our fold and to our journey. I hope to add more fans to the Facebook page. I hope more people find, listen to and download my blog. I hope people who want to lose weight but are scared know they have a home here, because the best trips and journeys happen when you have the company of friends to comfort you in ways false friends cannot.

So today I raise my glass (of water, juice or other healthier beverage handy) and toast you all. To all my old friends, thank you for making the journey easier. And to all my new friends I want you to know I am just like you and understand. May we all find comfort, solace, compassion, wit and companionship on the path to our ultimate weight loss goals with each other and…

…to resist yummy pretzels and gooey cheese in malls.

…to resist ice-cold Coca-Colas, Milky Way bars, beef fried rice and other kryptonite foods.

…to go out and exercise together, even if we’re apart while doing it.

…to check in with each other from time to time to see how we’re doing.

…and most of all, to stand up with each other and say I am doing this because I, like all of us here, am going to reach my goal weight because I am determined to succeed!

Last night was an OK night but I have to admit I gave in to two of my kryptonite foods – beef fried rice and Coca-Cola. But I didn’t do it because I was weak (well, not totally). Actually I did it to celebrate. You see yesterday a photographer from the Philadelphia Inquirer came by to take a shot or two for an article that is going to run on the website in Monday’s paper (I will get you guys a link as soon as it does). That was pretty cool. Hopefully people will see my story and know they are not alone in this weight loss journey we are all doing.

This morning, after consuming said Chinese food and Coke (which I did watching the always awesome film “Purple Rain”), I am just up a half-pound. Not too bad actually. And I am going to be super good this weekend. Especially when I think about that photographer’s friend about whom I learned during the shoot.

I can’t tell you the friend’s name because she never said the name but she did share with me that the friend was struggling so hard with weight. She was having some severe joint pain. She has just been diagnosed with high blood pressure.  She was working out and lost weight but gained it back. Lots of emotional stress going on in her life.

Wow. Sound familiar? It sure as hell did to me. So I spent some time talking to my new photographer friend about my story and what I do to keep the weight off including the healthier fruit snacks I bought whenever I get an attack of the munchies (Clementines are the best). I told her how much I exercise and try to be good about eating. But that once in a while, as a treat, I do indulge (as I did last night) in Chinese food and Coca-Cola.

I also told the photographer I felt a kinship to this person and that I understand the emotional side of it all. Things like frustration, anger, shame and food addiction. I really do. Like a vicious circle it is, craving and eating food but being ashamed of actually eating it and how many pounds it can put on. How you hide in comfort zones. Man. So many similar feelings came up. Like wanting to scream because everyone thinks fat people are supposed to be jolly and happy which is a silly stereotype since everyone has real emotions and there were times that, while fat, I sure as hell wasn’t jolly. Not when you have to ask for seatbelt extenders on planes and feel like you have to apologize for being larger than the average bear.

But then things got lighter. I told the photographer about donating all my fat clothes so I had no way to go back. I told her about my new-found energy. I told her that I simply feel better. And when I was asked if people treat me differently I say yes, especially since I feel I am the same person I was when I was larger. I know my body has changed but my spirit, the thing that drives me, is still the same (kind of like the tagline for last year’s Vin Diesel movie “Fast & Furious” – New Model. Original Parts).

When we concluded the shoot I told the photographer friend to recommend my website to her. I just wanted her friend to know through my stories and this site she wasn’t alone in this. To love herself enough to put herself first and, through that, her weight loss goal would be achieved. I hope she takes me up on that.

To everyone out there you are doing a great job. Even if you are doing just a few sit-ups every day. That is more than what you were doing and that is great. If you are cutting back on soda and chips and walking, that is awesome. Keep it up. As for me I am getting my butt to the gym so I can work off that half-pound.

Not so that I can eat more beef fried rice and drink more Coke. But so that the feeling of celebration can continue throughout the coming weekend.

Today I got my TV reception back.

Turns out that my satellite dish was just a bit out of alignment from all the high winds and rain we had on Monday here in southern New Jersey. Although I went outside to see if I could fix the problem I didn’t readily see a solution. It was dark and the solution didn’t seem as simple as just readjusting the dish a few degrees to get the signal.

Funny how much this actually mirrors and sounds like weight loss.

When I was 400.6 pounds my satellite was seriously out of alignment – with my mind, my heart and my spirit. I couldn’t see how much I needed to just shift my life a few degrees so that the message became clear. I needed to step back and not see food as an automatic part of the solution.

Do not get me wrong. My weight loss dish can go out of alignment any day of the week, and does. Depending on my mood, my frustration level or my anxiety level my dish can go out of whack and I become susceptible to my kryptonite foods (beef fried rice, Milky Way bars and ice-cold Coca-Colas). But I got a piece of advice today from the dish repair guy that I will remember for the rest of my life.

When you don’t get signal just adjust the dish slightly.

It seems simple but the more I thought about it it’s awesome advice. If I start to feel the “need” to eat I’m going to take a moment and think about “why” I want to eat. “Why” my dish came out of alignment and “why” I want to solve it with food. Then I’m gonna realign my dish by solving the problem that caused my dish to go out of whack. Am I stressed out because of something with my computer (like the other day when the sound on my computer didn’t work and I couldn’t do a podcast)? Or am I just missing my mama and needing a good cry (instead of an order of fries)?

By stepping back and figuring out the “why” we can all deal with at least part of that automatic need to feed our mouths with food stuffs. At least that’s how I will be looking at it from now on. I know I’m a stress eater. I also know I’m an emotional eater. Simply knowing and thinking about those things helps me navigate those times when my reception becomes fuzzy.

Because once I recognize those things that dish comes back into alignment, the picture comes back into incredibly sharp focus and all is better (and clearer) in the world.

I will say it over and over…there’s a message in the “Star Wars” movies for and about everything, including weight loss.

In the (sub-standard) prequel films (Episodes I, II and III) Yoda, Obi Wan, Qui Gon and Mace Windu all talk about how this new upstart kid, Anakin, will bring balance to the Force. How he is supposed to help stop the Sith (the bad guys) and herald a new age of peaceful and benevolent order to the galaxy.

Oops.

While that prophecy misread did they (in Yoda speak – since Anakin does grow up to become Darth Vader), if you think about it there is and should be balance in our lives particularly as we struggle to achieve our weight loss goals.

Take yesterday for example. Even though it was raining, very windy and a generally blah day I had a great day. I had two successful meetings/talks, one of which was over lunch where I ate pretty well calorically (no more than about 900 calories for the whole she-bang). Then, I took my computer to the great Best Buy Geek Squad who helped me fix my on-going computer problem so that is now fixed. Lastly, I met with a great group of people last night and hopefully inspired them to lose weight.

However, my satellite TV went out (probably due to the wind/rain) and no one can come and fix it until Thursday. Bah. No Family Guy until then.

Over the weekend I struggled to be this “weekend food warrior” and ended up having way more (albeit delicious) food on Saturday than I wanted,  so I was much better Sunday and yesterday (and will be today, too).  Last week I was on a serious Coca-Cola binge but now I am on a serious water kick.

So you see, life has balance. It’s supposed to have balance. In the things we do and the things we eat. Everything a doctor tells you is true. A balanced diet is really the best way to eat. Not some whacked-out Taco Bell diet (who came up with that one).  If you eat badly one day it’s not a total weight loss journey failure. Just pick yourself up and get back on track the next day. That’s all. Bring your life back into balance. Have too many carbs? OK, balance it out with more proteins. You get the picture.

We are all human. I know I am and I make terrible food mistakes. I do. But I have learned along the way what at least most of my triggers are for food and how to disarm them. I know what my kryptonite foods are so I can make conscious choices about them. But I’ve brought my life into a wonderful new balance, one filled with knowledge, strength and determination.

That is what will make me continue to succeed on my weight loss journey and that is what will help you, too.  When you love yourself and know you are worth it you will have the keys to bring your lives into that same kind of new balance. And it is then you will be a weight loss success because then nothing will be in your way and your path will be in front of you unobstructed and clear.

And it is then we will all bring peace and order to our own individual galaxies.

Happy Tuesday, my friends. I think yesterday’s 6ABC interview went really well (and boy, am I happy I cleaned up a bit before they came).  Their producer, Dawn, and her camera guy were great and I had the opportunity to answer questions about my weight loss journey, why I started the website and how I hope to inspire people to begin or continue losing weight with it. It was cool.

I even got in my workout afterward, so I was thrilled.

After everything calmed down a bit yesterday my stomach was still uneasy, though. It took me a while to realize that it didn’t have as much to do with being nervous about the shoot yesterday as it did the sad feelings I was having over buying a box from the Container Store.

You see, in my efforts to clean up the place for 6ABC I had to file some papers away to make my office area look presentable (you always clean when company comes, don’t ya). Anyway, part of that involved not only shredding some of my mom’s papers I no longer needed (old bills since paid, old apartment leases, etc.) and finding a place to put some photos and all the sympathy cards I received from people. So I went to the Container Store.

I love shopping. Anyone who knows me knows that, and I love the Container Store. You can find stuff in there for anything. I found archival boxes (the kind used my the Library of Congress) for some important newspapers I am keeping (i.e. the newspapers announcing Obama’s election as president – soooo keeping those) but I had the toughest time finding a box I thought was suitable for my mom. I began to have a slight panic feeling in my stomach as I literally stood in the middle of the store, looked around and felt lost and hurt. I didn’t want to put the memories of my mother away. Place them in a box and shelve them. Not just yet.  I started to tear up.

Just then I looked to my left and saw a very nice simple (what I am sure was faux leather) box with a place on top for a photo. For cards and pictures and maybe an eventual letter or two it was perfect. I hurried and purchased it and went home, but I was still upset that this was happening. I know it’s all a normal part of things but it was time and I guess I wasn’t ready.

Over the course of Sunday it built up inside me, that crazy feeling I got to just eat everything. I am an emotional eater. Always have been. Add to that feeling of sadness the nervous feeling I had from yesterday’s shoot and I was a nervous wreck. So much so I wondered about actually stopping at an old friend’s for dinner. And not the good, real old friend kind. I mean the gauntlet – the little red-haired girl, the clown, the king or the colonel.

I drove around yesterday looking for that comfort, that old feeling of having it feel better at least for a bit. But it then hit me. I didn’t need them. I shouldn’t be turning to them. They suck as friends. Sure they have yummy things but that’s no good and they’d only leave me unhappier afterward. After that sigh of relief I thought about Chinese food (steamed chicken, not the fried rice kryptonite I wanted). Nah. I had to go to Wawa (the wonderful, clean and amazing East Coast answer to the kind of scummy-feeling 7-11 stores) to pick up a newspaper. Why not get a salad and some chili. That was it.

And that is exactly what I did for dinner.

I had actually calmed down enough to recognize what I was thinking about doing. That kind of stress/emotional eating is never good but I realized, even though I was feeling pretty blue, I still had choices and could make smarter ones. The chili was great and the Wawa salad perfect. I was happier with myself about not giving in to the temptations of McMeals, burgers, fries, fried chicken, fifteen-layer burritos – everything. Instead I calmed down, held control and ate pretty well.

As I settled in for the night on my couch I turned on Spike TV and there was, thank God, the perfect comfort food – Star Wars. I may have turned away some old friends last night but some I welcome into my home and into my life with open arms any day of the week. And that is all I needed to know that mom was still looking out for her little boy who needed some comforting.