Determined To Succeed

Day one-hundred-sixty-three.

Bah! It is a dreary-ass day here in southern New Jersey. It’s chilly, freezing-rainy and just a crap day to do anything outside.

(psssssst…don’t tell my mind I am down in my weight. I am trying to distract him…)

Ugh! It is miserable outside and all it makes me want to do is curl up on the couch, turn on TV and be all warm and toasty watching something stupid.

(shhhhhh! Fact is, I am back down to 247.4 today and I am sick of going back up in my weight. Sooooooo, I am trying to convince my mind not to obsess about it so we can continue down this path. It seems that every time my mind thinks too hard we tend to go off-track and gain weight back.)

So what am I going to do today? Well…I do have some housework I need to do, have some errands and things I need to catch up on and some writing I need to do. You know the usual for me.

(All that stuff and I am going to drag me out into the cold, blah weather to workout because it does seem to be working.)

So I am going to do my best not to let this rainy and cold winter day go by without being productive.

(Yeah! Me, too. It’s already 18 days into 2011 and I am sick and tired of still carrying around this twenty extra pounds. More than that I am tired of my mind boo-hooing about it. “Oh, woe is me!” Well, screw that! There’s no way on this earth, even with eating better, that we can lose weight without working out. Sure, we have to get dressed and ready to hit the gym but the rewards are amazing. I am now up to doing 50-plus minutes on the elliptical plus tricep dips, push-ups, stretches and tummy crunches. What does that all mean? It means I am at least keeping my weight at bay. Now if I can only convince my mind to lay off on portion sizes we’d all be OK).

Well, I wish I had more to write today but I don’t. I fear I’m going to be boring today and that’s OK. Boring can be good, I guess.

(Yes, it can, especially when boring means getting me, myself and I back into a good exercise routine).

So have as good a day as you guys can today and I will check back in soon…

(And so will I…)

…to see how things are going.

(I second that!)

And from the both of us, if you made a new year’s resolution to lose weight and keep it off (it is on our – sorry, my – 40/40 list) then we absolutely will. But time’s a tickin’ and 2011 is now in full swing…

(…and I am keeping my fingers crossed I can give you more good news next time I check in with you guys. We are all in this together. Me included. It’s hard as crap to lose weight, especially when warm comfort foods like mashed potatoes, heavy soups, chilis, pot pies and generally unhealthy, heavy things sound really freaking good. But we will. We will, I promise. We just have to keep our heads out of it sometimes and not think about doing it. Just do it).

Happy weekend and day one-hundred-thirty-one, my friends.

Now that I am back to being healthy (at least I feel like a million bucks compared to how I felt week before last) I am starting to slowly get back on the horse and exercise again. But I must admit when I do I get nervous. Just a few weeks ago I was in really shaky shape physically. I lost 2/3 of my blood and, according to my doctor, that REALLY wasn’t good. In fact, I might not have recovered. That is a scary proposition for a guy, especially for one who is finally seeing life with new eyes and who has a goal of never being the old Bill ever again, physically or otherwise.

During my hospital stay I gained weight. I knew I would because I wasn’t exercising. For me, it’s not just eating better or lighter it’s also physical activity that helps me lose weight. Even on the clear liquid diet I was on in the hospital I gained weight (especially from all the fluids they were pumping me with). When I was discharged I asked how long it would be until I could exercise again and they said “take it slow and exercise gradually until you build yourself back up to where you were which may take a couple of months.”

A couple of months?! Sheesh. OK, I admit, that freaked me out, too. Since dropping this weight, and regaining twenty, I have been trying my best to get rid of it and stay at or near my goal weight. But being out of the hospital and NOT being able to exercise is a trick, especially since being re-introduced to solid foods – foods which, of course, make you gain weight.

I know. I know. I’m supposed to help my body (and blood) recoup by eating and making sure it has the nutrients it needs to do that. Not to mention eating is a part of life and I can ever ignore that. But I know my body and it doesn’t let go of weight unless I sweat to the oldies in the gym on an elliptical or by doing my punches and kicks.

However, something in me has changed physically and I can’t ignore that. I have always told all of you that you should consult a doctor before doing any new and strenuous exercises and it’s time I took my own advice. I am human and like all humans I think I am invincible, that I can do anything I want and have it not affect me. But that is not the case. I could have died because of the amount of blood I lost, and I am lucky I didn’t. I am lucky I lost this weight in the first place so my heart wasn’t lugging around an extra 165-plus pounds on my frame. I was lucky I listened to reason and called my doctor when I knew I wasn’t “right.” I was lucky to get a second chance with this, too, and I am not about to blow it because of a desire to go sweat and get that weight off yesterday.

So I am letting go. I am letting go of that urgency. I will only be doing what I can, especially in this recovery period. I was scared and I should still be concerned about doing too much too soon in all of this. If I lose a pound or two every month or so I will be happy. Hell, I will be happy just maintaining my weight through the holidays (as we all are, I’m sure). I will let go of all that because I have to take care of myself. I recently got out of the hospital for God’s sake and I’m not about to go screw myself up more by becoming “The Biggest Loser” overnight.

So there you have it, my friends. My new outlook. Funny how a stay in the hospital (and a taste of mortality) can change a perspective. We are all in this together but I will say it again and again and again, be careful doing the things you do to lose weight. Do it naturally as much as possible. It is a true change in lifestyle, not a quick fix you can employ and expect to do wonders. Do it wisely and talk to a doctor and see what’s best and right for you. Most of all, don’t over do it. Do what you can and be happy you can do something at all. And remember, we are all on this earth for such a short time. Make the most of it by enjoying and appreciating life and those in your lives. I know I do, every single day. That, a healthier diet and some exercise every now and then will, at least in my humble opinion, be the best thing we all can do to be on this earth for as long as possible.

Have a great weekend and I will talk to you all next week on my regular Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule.

Day one-hundred-thirteen.

Today’s blog is going to be a short one. I do not feel all that great today (feeling a bit dizzy and stuff) so I am not going to concentrate too much brain power to writing but I just wanted to check in with you guys to see how you did over the Thanksgiving weekend. Ugh. I know I did soooooooooo poorly. It all started on Thursday with actual Thanksgiving day. The turkey and trimmings I ate were delicious and I limited myself to one big plate. Granted, it should have been smaller but I was full after one helping. Later on I snacked on some fresh leftovers. Friday, I tried to eat better throughout the day, opting to start polishing off other leftovers (chicken dishes, etc.) but only did so-so. Saturday, I wasn’t feeling all that great so I thought food would help. Eh, not so much. Saturday night I had another helping of fresh (and delicious Thankisgiving). I had only one plate but it was a pretty big one. Yesterday, I ate OK again, having more chicken leftovers and a small burger for lunch.

What does all of that mean? That Thanksgiving took over. I’m not going to beat myself up over it too much but I ate and I fully admit I enjoyed myself, albeit a bit too much. It’s hard erasing 35+ years of Thanksgiving eating training but I am working on it, step by precious step. As I was losing all this weight I didn’t skip Thanksgiving. But what I need to do is start feeling better so I can put the workouts back into play and lose weight. Today, I’m going to rest (dizziness is nothing to fuck around with) and eat very lightly. I had toats this morning and will probably have something like a sammitch for lunch.

Ugh! I just know I hate feeling like crap. It makes you not want to do anything. Worse, you are not able to do anything. I feel useless and that is the worst feeling of all. But I’d rather feel useless and get better than continue to feel bad/sick (and be all male and stupid about it). I let you guys know what happens on Wednesday. Until then, if you gained a few like I did over a day/days totally devoted to food then 1) know it’s ok 2)n that it doesn’t totally derail your weight loss plans and goals 3) that all of us – ME included – have to just get back on the horse to lose weight. Period.

And we will. True, gaining weight back sucks but we lost it once and will lose it again.

And soup today for lunch sounds freaking good. Have a great couple of days my friends. Talk to you soon.

Day one-hundred-three.

It’s Friday and I am sitting at my desk contemplating things, and I guess when I say “contemplating” I really mean “worrying about” things. I am “contemplating” the weekend, Thanksgiving, my birthday, the holidays (Christmas) and New Year’s Eve – all of which have one thing in common, food. I know I am the master of my own destiny when it comes to food and crap but ’tis the season to be jolly and ’tis the season to eat. Eat. EAT!

I already have worries enough about weekends, those times where I know I will either eat more than I should, not workout as much as I should or both. I don’t know why I worry so much, either. I mean I will be working out, at least tomorrow (Saturday) and might have a go on Sunday, too, but in my mind it’s social time, I guess. Not to mention our weather is starting to get colder and our animalistic instincts take over so we eat to store up fat for the winter. Grrrrr. I will just have to stay good and keep repeating that to myself as I take deep breaths and head to the gym.

Then, coming this next week, is Thanksgiving, my favorite food holiday, and I know I will be weak for all the trimmings that turkey brings to the table. I will be – wait for it – gobbling it all up (insert moans for bad pun here) and I just have to take deep breaths and know two things: one, that no one is going to take that food from me and two, that I should eat my first plate slowly and wait to feel full before I possibly – POSSIBLY – go in for plate two. Again, deep DEEP breaths.

Following Thanksgiving (again, a moment of silence for what is sure to be the pound or two I gain) is my birthday, and not just any birthday – my 40th. The 19th anniversary of my 21st and I do plan to celebrate life. I just have to remember to take deep breaths before diving into any kind of food stuffs (although I am sure a drink or six might be involved somewhere along the line).

Finally, the holidays, Christmas and New Year’s Eve – more food, making merry and eating! Egads! No wonder so many of us make resolutions to lose weight in the new year. We simply just want to lose what we’ve gained over the holidays and the winter being all animalistic.

So, O.K. There it is, laid out before us like a road on a map I sure as hell don’t want to follow but have to. And it’s not that I dislike this time of year. I like it very, very much. I just am slowly – SLOWLY – creeping back down in my weight (I am at 240.8 today) and I don’t want that headway to be lost. That’s all. But foods of this time of year are so full of warm, comforty goodness. Dammit! What’s a fat guy like me to do?

Stop.

Close my eyes.

Take a deep breath.

That’s what I have to do and hopefully that breath will fill my mind with the fresh air it needs to think clearly and fill my tummy with goodness so I don’t just stuff my face.

First thing’s first…let’s get through this weekend. Deep breath time. Have a great weekend, everyone, and good luck.

Day eighty-six.

Alrighty then. Let’s start today with a recap of yesterday…

…I was up to 241.3. I was grumpy about it. I wanted to workout. I was gonna eat better and lighter. I was gonna do a food journal again.

Of all of that here is what I did do…

…I ended up not working out because I spent way too much time setting up a new computer at home (stupid internet…I almost broke it again) but I did eat much better yesterday. I started with two slices of cinnamon toast with butter. Then for lunch I had one grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup (awesome for a chilly fall day AND the heaviest meal). For dinner I had one (just one) cajun chicken breast, couscous and broccoli. For snacks I had a banana and some homemade trail mix (walnuts, craisins, pumpkin seeds and raisins). I kept myself to one soda (a diet root beer) and just one large glass of orange juice. Not too shabby, actually given how I have been eating lately and today I’ve already had my toast with a small glass of o.j.

Today, I am down ever so slightly. I am at 241.1 (hell, it’s better being two ounces down than up) and I am looking forward to eating much lighter again today. I wish I could say I am going to eat like a bird but birds actually eat (or try to eat) a helluva lot in the course of a day compared to their body weight. So I will just say I will try to eat extremely lightly today and not eat like the little winged ones swooping in and out of view looking for yummy morsels of grub on this chilly Fall day.

It’s hard, though. With the change in season and change in temperature to eat lighter. I don’t know about you but when the temperatures drop I think of hearty soups and stews and heavier meals that stick to your ribs, not salads and things. I do, however, have to do my best to remember that Fall and Winter, especially are dangerous times for me when it comes to eating. Not because it triggers anything emotional, but because it activates that basic human need to store-up for the winter and to eat then hibernate like your average bear (or just curl up on the couch and become a potato).

Yeah, it’s hard but it has to be done. Ground is always gained and lost in the battle of the bulge and in weight loss but it can be won even during the colder months. We (and I) just have to stick to it and be much better about everything all around – eating and exercising. I need to do that every single day, not just today. And speaking of today it’s election day across the country and no matter whether you’re Republican or Democrat, liberal or conservative I encourage you to get out and vote.  This way you not only do your civic duty but it gets you up and out (if you have elections in your area) and gets you moving.

Last night “Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace” was on TV and even though the film is awful (yes, me, a huge Star Wars fan saying a Star Wars film is awful) there are bits that are cool, like when Palpatine says wityh utmost certainty “I will be chancelor.” Well, with the same conviction I say I will re-lose this weight. As sure as Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader, and eventually returned to the good side of the Force again, I will lose weight.

So until tomorrow, my friends. Stay strong and be well. We will make it. You’ll see.

Day eighty-two.

O.K. I totally call bullshit on Gretchen Jones winning this season of Project Runway. Are they nuts? I completely agree with Heidi Klum. The judges, Michael Kors and the other one from Marie Claire, Nina Garcia, spent most of the season (especially the late season) loving Mondo’s fashions (especially the ones where he was using colors, patterns and different fabrics) only to dis him in the finale for the exact same things, saying he was designing “too young.” That being said though, it was Mondo’s competition to lose and his line was not as good as Gretchen’s although Andy had the best clothes last night.

From the beginning of the season (I have recently become a fan of the show and absolutely NO CRACKS on me liking a show about fashion – everyone who knows me knows I love to look nice) each designer was given a set of incredible tools – an HP thingamajig that allows the designer to draw a design on a tablet-like screen before going to Mood to shop. Then, they go to Mood where they are given a budget to shop for seemingly the best fabrics around. next they go back to Parsons to work in a completely polished and professional workspace. In other words, each one is given the right and best tools for their jobs. The question then becomes what do people do with those tools.

When I was in first grade Mrs. Gans, a wonderful teacher at Murray Language Academy in Chicago, said something I will never forget. She said we all started out with the highest grade which, at that point, was an “E.” Our scale in the seventies and eighties went from “E”(excellent) to “G” (good) to “S” (satisfactory) to “U” (unsatisfactory). And starting out at that highest grade it was up to each and every one of us to keep and maintain that grade. In other words, it was our grade to lose.

The designers on Project Runway all start out with the exact same tools and resources and it is up to each one of them to outwit, outlast and outplay the others (oh, wait – that’s from the other reality show, Survivor). Anywho, it’s up to each designer to not only keep up with the other designers, from freshness of designs to the work in creating the clothes, but also to use the tools they are given to do so. The right tools level the playing field so that the only difference is the individual, her or his talents and, most of all, imagination. In my opinion, Mondo was the best designer. He was the most crative and talented overall and most consistently. Gretchen, who really was a bitch saying one thing to her castmates and then something different to the cameras, really designed clothes monochromatically and for such a niche audience (her) that they showed how two-dimensional she is. But that is just my opinion on the show.

It was Mondo’s to lose, and his line wasn’t as good as other stuff we’ve seen. So he lost. Meanwhile, Gretchen stepped up and won creating clothes that were more wearable. But in their case, and Andy’s, they all used the right tools to get to their goal of showing their line at fashion Week.

My friends, weight loss works the same way as Project Runway. We do not need fancy-schmancy gyms or equipment (or HP design and draw thinkpads). We do not need Jillian Michaels yelling at us and making us feel like shit on her latest DVD for we all start out with the right tools – our own bodies, energy and determination to get to the goal. None of us need a gym to do sit-ups or push-ups or jumping jacks or to go for a walk. We do not need DVDs telling us this and that to know we eat like shit sometimes. I know I do and when I do it shows on the scale. When I don’t, my weight comes down like it did yesterday.

All I am trying to say is that you are only limited by you in your quest to lose weight. You are the only one in your way. So don’t be, and don’t be intimidated by the amount you want to lose or by the atmosphere of a gym if that is where you want to go to workout. Just remember the tools you have are the right ones and the perfect ones with which to start because they come from you and those are the best tools of all. Have a great weekend.

Day eighty-one.

Ugh. I am fighting an “attack of the lazies.” You know what I’m talkin’ about (Willis). That “come hither” call you get from your couch or favorite chair to make yourself comfortable, turn on the boob tube and find something that allows you to sink down and waste the day watching this or that. But that’s exactly what it is, at least to me, a waste. Sure, are there days when laying back and enjoying are cool? You bet your ass. But when there is no bloody good damned reason for you to be laying there other than re-watching a movie you’ve seen a hundred times then it’s time to get up and get your move on.

Yesterday, I had a great mixed martial arts session with Sensei Doug and sweated my ass off. There’s nothing like a great workout to try to get the mind right. I also ate better. Not that I haven’t been trying but I seriously curtailed the Coke Zero and cut down on the chocolate (weening is a slow process). For my efforts I am down a half-pound today (239.4) and I’ll take it.

See, getting my move on helped.

One of my problems, though, is staying “in the zone” to workout. I wake up in the morning all full of energy to workout and I find I still have to convince myself to do it later on. I mean nothing really changes in the couple/few hours between waking up and having the time. It’s just that I get lazy. That’s the honest way to say it. I just get lazy sometimes and lose the want and desire to get my move on. But I know I can’t today. During my workout yesterday my right hip (and my hips in general) were so tight it was uncomfortable to do some of the yoga stretches after the workout. That’s not cool. So today when I hit the gym (AND I WILL BE HITTING THE GYM) I will focus on stretches in addition to other sweaty stuff so that my workouts are better…

…and so that I don’t feel like a slug.

I am human and fight that vicious cycle we all go through. I want to lose weight and I know I have to exercise and eat right doing it. But there are times I don’t feel like it (and get lazy), so my weight stays the same or goes up and I get all frustrated. It is a cycle and one I try to break, mainly because I recognize it when it happens. I just need to keep that energy up to make exercise happen. So today I’m getting my ass up, getting my move on and working out. And it’s not that I am feeling bad or am hurting that bad. I am just fighting that attack of the lazies I get every now and then. That’s all. So all I need to take is two miles on the elliptical and call myself in the morning.

The lazies may be a fun bunch to hang out with. They can always find SOMETHING on television to watch, even when crap is on. But today is nice (I am sure THE last over 70-degree day we will have in Jersey until next Spring so I need to get up, grab a shower and start the day keeping in mind that the more I move the more that numnber on the scale will go down.

You hear that, you lazies? I want that a helluva lot more than a re-re-re-re-re-run of, well, anything.

Day seventy-three.

There are times that I can’t help thinking about the movies. Ever since I was a kid, and thanks to my awesome mother, JoAnn Larson, I have always loved the movies and the magic they create. They happen to hold a treasure trove of answers to life’s great mysteries and challenges and offer advice and examples of situations that can be applied to, well, almost everyone. A prime example of this was at last night’s twelve-step meeting which felt less like a collection of broken people and more like the original Fellowship from “Lord of the Rings.”

In “Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” Frodo, Sam, Aragorn, et. al. are brought together and told of a great mission they must undertake – to return the powerful but evil ring of power to the fires of the volcanic Mount Doom to be destroyed forever. If you even somewhat familiar with the story, spread out over three books (and three incredible movies) you know Frodo is the keeper of the ring and, as such, falls victim at points to its incredible power. However, thanks to the strength and determination of his friends and the Fellowship he is able to complete his mission and save Middle Earth from darkness.

In the meeting last night, as we all gathered around the tables set up in a square formation so we could all see each other (like a certain Round Table with which we are familiar) we told our individual tales of the week, or even the day or hour, that brought us to the meeting point last night. There was a resounding sense of taking a breath from each one of us and many of us, myself included, thanked the other members of the group for being there to offer support, encouragement, friendship and, of course, fellowship to us along our journeys. It was then that my mind knew that while there was no “one ring” to return to the molten lava of a volcano we all needed each other from time to time, as Frodo needed Sam and the rest of the Fellowship, to keep going.

After the meeting I sat for a minute in my car and thought about how safe and relaxing the meeting was. It was nowhere near as uncomfortable as Sunday’s meeting, but no matter how weird, uncomfortable or whatever the meetings get they are always a safe place for people to land when they feel as though they can’t get to where they need to go in life and have nowhere else to go to take some of the burden of life away – if even for just an hour. That is the beauty of them and why they are absolutely necessary.

In this thing I call a weight loss journey I have always tried to offer support, guidance, humor and, most of all, a human story to the realities of weight loss to everyone looking to lose weight. I do this because I know the one thing that all people crave is company. We all want understanding, caring, an ear. Most of all, we want (and need) fellowship so we know we are not alone in any of this fight through which we are going. Losing weight is hard enough but to do it without the encouragement of others, be them family, friends, co-workers or others in a group, would be damn near impossible. At least it would be for me.

One of the things I have always said is that none of us is alone in this quest to lose extra pounds and I reaffirm that today. Each and every one of us deserve another chance in life to do the good things we are meant to do, most of all to and for ourselves and I support you, my friends. Weight loss is a bitch but I understand your pain. I share it. I see it when I step on the scale. I feel it in the gym when I sweat. But no matter how hard it gets our fellowship – or our Fellowship – stays strong and committed.  And if you need just a word or two of strength all you need to do is read these Determined To Succeed weight loss blogs. They are not only my story but our story. It may not be as nicely written as “Lord of the Rings” but it is something in which we all can share strength, wisdom, advice and healing.

The weight will come off and demons will go away. That is why all good stories end with six of the best words ever written…

…and they lived happily ever after.

Day sixty-one.

Happy weekend, everyone! And what a beautiful weekend it’s supposed to be. Sunny and high’s in the low to mid 70s. Awesome weather (and probably our last chance to really get out and do outdoorsy stuff before the reality that Fall is here finally hits and we have to bundle up in sweaters, jackets and hats – oh, my).

I had a great day yesterday, anchored by the fact I continue to go down in my weight thanks in no small part to the three-and-a-half miles I did on the elliptical yesterday. I did that right around lunchtime and it felt great. It made me remember a time when I worked at the aquarium. When I made the decision to lose weight I would get up and walk around the building and use as many steps as I could to get my lunch. In other words I had to work for it just a little more and it paid off. Hell, it continues to pay off. I am at 238.0 today and I feel great.

I also had a great day yesterday because I had the chance to be moderator for a panel on healthy eating tips for people on-the-go. It was a blast! It was almost like every food group was represented but with people - a “Breakfast Club” of sorts. However, instead of a jock, a basket case, a princess, a brain and a criminal we had a chef, a dual restaurant owner, a mom’s health advocate, a world-renowned author on health advocacy and a City of Philadelphia Councilwoman. Each one of the panelists was fantastic, and the chef (for the restaurant Seasons 52) brought everyone in attendance small samples of healthy-portioned desserts. Again, awesome (and delicious – that pecan pie was amazing).

Most of all I had a chance to share my weight loss story. I get absolutely excited to share with people my weight loss journey and how I discovered the keys to losing weight and keeping it off. That invigorates me and helps keep me going, especially after meeting some cool people including a woman who is having pain in her knees (just like I had) from carrying around extra weight she is trying to lose. I also met a police officer who is on his own fantastic weight loss journey having already lost about 60 pounds, although he now has to contend with a back injury that is sidelining his exercise routine. I wished them and others well and much luck in their own journeys and I will say that hearing people and their trials and successes helps keep me going, too.

Any of you know that I always have a little bit of extra worry about not exercising and eating too much going into weekends. Well, today is Friday and I know I do not have to worry one bit because I am so juiced! I had a great day and night yesterday, I have been making food at home and loving it (and saving a massive amount of money in the process of not eating out so much), I am continuing to exercise (and yes, I am gonna be doing my martial arts workout today and hitting the gym this weekend at least once more) and most of all I am appreciating life. I am human and do enjoy food, sometimes a bit too much, but with each day brings new chances and new beginnings and this day is just as full of those new chances. So today I am going to embrace those chances and make the most of my opportunities to invest time and energy and sweat into the best investment of all – me. And you should, too. Even if it’s just a walk around the block or park, an extra push-up (or just one or two) or sit-up and  jumping jack, invest some of your energy in you.  Not only will it leave you feeling great but it’s a wonderful way to begin or continue a weight loss journey, begin a weekend and make the sky that much bluer and the air that much warmer.

Have a great weekend. I will talk to you all on Monday.

Day fifty-nine.

It’s amazing how we are surrounded by reminders of time. They are all around us. I don’t just mean clocks, I mean photographs, trinkets, clothes (as in trying to fit into something years-old, or that you purchased, say, two years ago and remember), jewelry and even people. All of it and more remind us all that time is passing no matter how much we want to slow it down or stop it.

The first time I got a lesson in that was when I was about three or four. I just happened to be wide awake at dawn one day and the sky was that beautiful Royal Blue it turns on clear days before going light blue then orange, yellow then daylight. Anyway, it’s one of my most vivid memories because I shouted out to God “God, keep the sky like this forever!” I was way young and naive enough to believe that the pretty sky could stay one color (my favorite color) forever. As it slowly went from Royal Blue to the light of day I remember thinking “time doesn’t stop for anyone, does it.” And the answer is “silly boy, of course it doesn’t. Time waits for no one.”

As a lover of all things science fiction as I grew older I was completely fascinated by a 1980 television movie called “The Girl, The Gold Watch and Everything.” Based on the 1962 book by John D. MacDonald, the movie was about a guy who inherits a gold pocket watch that can stop time for everyone else except the person holding the watch. Of course, the wackiness ensues from there but I remember that show because I thought it was cool. I thought how awesome it would be to freeze a moment in time, watch it, breath it, take it all in and observe its every detail. There was even an inscription in the watch – “tempus unum hominem manet” (Latin for “time waits for one man”). Oh, how I wish that were so for if it were I would have done two definitive things…

…one, spent as much time with my mom as I could…

…two, not lose and waste as much time as I did, especially after her passing, to addictions, the most insidious thief of time there is.

Last night in my meeting we talked about withdrawl which is what actually got me thinking about time. I think about how much time is lost, but I also think about how much time, moving forward, is a gift not to be wasted. It is to be cherished and appreciated because it is something that always, ALWAYS, keeps slippin’, slippin’, slippin’ into the future. When I realized how much time I had personally wasted I became ashamed and vowed never to waste it again.

When I decided to lose weight I did it just to stop aching watching a movie in a theater. I didn’t set out to lose the weight of a grown person but as I was doing it I knew it would take time to do (which for me was three-and-a-half years). Now that I have I cannot waste that gift. Not anymore. Today I’m going to my mixed martial arts workout to appreciate the life given back to me – the life I would not have if I were still at 400 pounds. If weight loss is your goal, what are you waiting for? There will never be a magic “start” time, or perfect set of circumstances with which to begin. Just begin because each day you delay what you want you get another day closer to inevitability.

There are so many people in this world who, in their last moments, say “I wish I would have done this or that.” Well, I don’t want to be one of those people. I never have, and you shouldn’t be, either. You are worth taking your life and time by the horns and guiding them where you want to go, especially if that involves weight loss. So many times WE are the ones in our own way. And why? Because we’re scared of success. Don’t be, because that success will mean you get to do the things you’ve always wanted to do so that when you look around at those subtle, and not-so-subtle, reminders of time we all have you will smile and feel uplifted and joyous and that is what will keep your skies Royal Blue.

So, c’mon. get up! Time’s a tickin’

Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock…