Determined To Succeed

They say ignorance is bliss and I totally agree.

Take for example celebrities like that ultimate asshole Mel Gibson, whose tirade against his girlfriend – laced with racial epithets – showed the darkest sides of human beings. Who would have ever known he was one of the biggest angry, sexist racists on the planet? Not only has he offended Jews, Blacks, women and Hispanics but he is also a misogynist of the worst degree who will never again receive one thin dime of my money or one fleeting minute of my time watching anything he is a part of.

Sad to say that extends to films so much a part of my movie-going past (”Lethal Weapon,” Mad Max”) but who cares. I ain’t going to patronize someone or something that has, at it’s core, evil. Was I better off not knowing about this side of him? Debatable. On one side I could still have those wonderful movie memories of him saving his black best friend, Danny Glover from racists in “Lethal Weapon 2″ (oh, irony, I feel thy sting), him challenging Tina Turner to the ultimate road rage duel in “Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome” or him talking about freedom in “Braveheart.” Hell, I would also still be cherishing the moment I actually met him years ago when he was out promoting “The Passion of the Christ.” On the other, I would rather know so that I no longer line his pockets with my money – money he is obviously using to further his own hatred.

That said, I can say the same about the restaurant chain Friendly’s. In all the hype over KFC’s Double Down sandwich (the infamous one that features two fried chicken patties as bread to bacon, cheese and a “special sauce”) I didn’t hear much about Friendly’s new monstrosity that makes the Double Down look like diet food. It’s called the Ultimate Grilled Cheese Burger Melt and it replaces the traditional bun with two grilled cheese sandwiches and totals – sit down for this one – 1,500 calories!!!!

Holy crap!!!! Are they kidding me? Are they kidding us all? The answer is no. This is a real menu item that, sad to say is three times the caloric intake of a KFC Double Down. In other words I COULD EAT THREE KFC DOUBLE DOWNS TO EQUAL ONE ULTIMATE GRILLED CHEESE BURGER MELT! Who in the hell thought of having grilled cheese sandwiches (delicious by themselves, just one of them, with a cup of tomato soup) serve as bread to a burger?! This during a time when obesity rates have increased in 28 states over the past year. In Pennsylvania and Delaware, 28 percent of adults are obese, in New Jersey the number is 24 percent.

Egads! I know that restaurants are not in the business to make people healthy by policing what we as consumers choose to eat. They are in the business to make money by offering “foods” that appeal to people, younger people especially while not necessarily keeping you guys aware of how bad these things are for you. Like that dirty little secret a certain actor had been hiding all these years, taking our money while we consumed his “talent.” Well, my friends, just check out the “talent” of the Ultimate Grilled Cheese Burger Melt:

1500 Calories
870 Fat Calories
79g Total Fat
38g Saturated Fat
180g Cholesterol
2090mg Sodium
101g Carbs
9g Dietary Fiber
4g Sugar
54g Protein

That is horrendous! And believe me when I tell you THAT’S NOT THE WORST THING ON THEIR MENU! Don’t believe me? Check out Friendly’s Mushroom Swiss Bacon Burger, Loaded Waffle Fries or their “Create Your Own” Chicken Strips Entree. Their menu can be found by CLICKING HERE. See for yourself how heinous this place is.

I am not saying that every restaurant chain doesn’t have their own dark and dirty menu secrets. They do, I am sure of it. But that’s why I do my best not to have them. One of the coolest things the State of New Jersey did was compel all chains to actively display (both drive-thru and in-restaurant) basic nutritional info so you can make more educated choices about what we consume.

Was it better not knowing how much sodium was in Friendly’s Loaded Waffle Fries? Debatable. I loved ‘em and they were a great snack food. But now that I know that they have over 4,720 mgs of sodium I will not ever let Friendly’s receive one thin dime of my money or one fleeting minute of my time eating or indulging in anything they are a part of.

When restaurant chains create foods that “one-up” another chain’s food by simply making it bigger and nastier, like Hollywood blockbuster movies in the summer movie season, it’s time to say no more. I will not consume what you are throwing out there just because it’s out there.

That goes for you, too, Mel Gibson. You and Friendly’s are dead to me.

P.S.: Unlike the KFC Double Down which I tried to take a bullet for our team, I sure as hell won’t be doing that for this new Friendly’s concoction. Not in a million years. I’d rather see another Mel Gibson movie first.

“The Book of Eli” & “Legion” – Three Buckets of Popcorn out of Four for “The Book of Eli” and Two-and-three-quarters Buckets of Popcorn out of Four for “Legion”

Writing these reviews was tough. I saw both of these movies on the same day without even thinking both were primarily about the same thing – the salvation of humanity through faith (or at least some aspect of faith). The reason writing this review was tough is because I can’t really write separate reviews. Well, OK. I could write separate reviews but both are so similar in message that I feel compelled to join them both into one.

Let’s start with the plots of each:

In “Legion,” an out-of-the-way diner in Paradise Falls (get it?) becomes the unlikely battleground for the survival of the human race. When God loses faith in humankind, he sends his legion of angels to bring on the Apocalypse. Humanity’s only hope lies in a group of strangers trapped in a desert diner with the Archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) as their only protection.

In “The Book of Eli,” Eli (Denzel Washington) has been on a journey for 30 years, walking west across America after a cataclysmic war that turned the earth into a total wasteland. The world has become a lawless civilization where people must kill or be killed. The barren roads belong to gangs of cutthroats who rob and kill for water, a pair of shoes, a lighter, or just for fun. Eli is a peaceful man who only acts in self defense, and becomes a warrior with unbelievable killing skills when he is challenged. After the war and the “Big Flash”, Eli was guided by a higher power to a hidden book and given the task of protecting the book and taking it to its final destination. Eli guards the book with his life, because he knows that the book is the only hope that humanity has for its future.

Separately, I liked “Eli” more than I liked “Legion.” I thought it had better action and wasn’t as silly as “Legion.” “Legion,” while having some cool special effects (like an ass-kicking, fanged grandma who’d just as soon kill ya and eat ya as to look at ya, and angels’ wings used as both flying mechanisms and shields against bullets) was silly at times, had big, gaping logic holes and acting so bad at times it was laughable. Kind of like 80s movies but with a higher budget and better cast. Eli had seemingly big holes, too. That is until the very end when the secret of the movie is revealed and all makes sense very much like “The Sixth Sense.” What prevents me from liking “Eli” more was its blatant stealing of “I am Legend,” “Mad Max” and “Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.” Even the bad guy (played by Gary Oldman) who runs the only decent human town left reminded me too much of the fantastic Tina Turner in “Thunderdome.”

What struck me most about both films is the subtext of humanity, its need to be saved and us always looking to something to save us. In “Legion,” God, Himself, has lost faith in humankind and He and the survivors in the diner NEED a baby to be born (presumably the Christ child reborn) as proof mankind can be saved. In “The Book of Eli,” salvation is an actual book carried and protected by Eli. Further, Gary Oldman’s bad guy will stop at nothing to have it because of the power it will have over those looking for salvation, strength and hope in post-apocalyptic times. “Eli” also had some cool subtextual things to say about televangelists and their use of their respective pulpits to gain false power over people – people who seemingly need it the most.

Is humanity that far gone? On some days I would say yes. I mean how can televangelist Pat Robertson dare say that the tragedies of Haiti and Hurricane Katrina were brought on by the people themselves? Bastard. How can there be suicide bombers in the Middle East, people shooting up former places of employment and Osama bin Laden (bigger bastard) if the world weren’t in need of saving? I wish I knew. But I also know that people have been, are and can be not just good but great and that that greatness comes from their hearts, minds and souls.

As entertainments, both movies are pretty cool. I would readily watch “Legion” at night on cable (unlike the abysmal “Daybreakers” which should have all its prints destroyed) and I’d watch “The Book of Eli” anytime. It’s good. Not great, but good.

As for humanity, I really do hope I see in my lifetime such a great good I can go to my final resting place knowing the world will be OK. Even though close to $500 million has been donated to Haiti I want to see it finally get to its people. I want to see Port-au-Prince and New Orleans and the 9^th Ward rebuilt stronger than ever. I also want to see the world’s poor peoples have fresh water, fresh foods and a chance at real life and not just survival. I want to see hatred go away, at least a part of it. And I want to see people unite not just because of a tragedy like Hurricane Katrina or Haiti but because we WANT to.

That is the faith people need in and of themselves. That is of what both movies speak. That is the truest hope for all humankind and that is the strength we will need to prove to God in “Legion,” to prove to Oldman’s character in “Eli” and to the rest of people out there who have lost their faith.

We have it. It’s just waiting for us to finally use it not because we have to but because we finally WANT to.

“Legion” – Rated R for strong bloody violence, and language.

Runtime: 100 min

Paul Bettany     …         Michael

Lucas Black      …         Jeep Hanson

Tyrese Gibson   …         Kyle Williams

Adrianne Palicki            …         Charlie

Charles S. Dutton          …         Percy Walker

Kevin Durand   …         Gabriel

Jon Tenney       …         Howard Anderson

Willa Holland    …         Audrey Anderson

Kate Walsh       …         Sandra Anderson

Dennis Quaid    …         Bob Hanson

“The Book of Eli” – Rated R for some brutal violence and language

Runtime: 118 min

Denzel Washington        …         Eli

Gary Oldman    …         Carnegie

Mila Kunis        …         Solara

Ray Stevenson  …         Redridge

Jennifer Beals   …         Claudia

Evan Jones       …         Martz

Joe Pingue        …         Hoyt

Frances de la Tour        …         Martha

Michael Gambon           …         George

Tom Waits        …         Engineer