Determined To Succeed

Hey there and happy Monday. Did you all enjoy your holiday weekend? I hope you guys got a chance to re-juice the batteries a bit, at least. I know I did.

One thing that amazes me about the Fourth of July is how much holidays turn into food expos. Think about it (and we are putting Thanksgiving, Passover and Christmas aside for this), we make all our holidays – and “holidays” – about food in one way or another. It’s Memorial Day/Labor Day/Fourth of July? Let’s BBQ! It’s St. Patrick’s Day? Let’s eat corned beef and cabbage! It’s Cinco de Mayo? Let’s fiesta! Mother’s Day/Father’s Day? Let’s take ‘em out to brunch! It seems like eating’s all we do, especially in this country.

The grillin’ and eatin’ I did over this long 4th weekend wasn’t about “filler,” the meals you and I can have at cookouts (like a hot dog or hamburger, potato and macaroni salad) that fit in-between your “real” meals of lunch and dinner. No, it was about three things – eating things that were healthier (steak and chicken grilled not fried). It was about trying to be frugal (saving money by buying food to make instead of going to a restaurant to eat out). Finally, it was about staving off the urges to eat badly when going to do things over the holiday weekend (like attend fireworks and go to the movies).

Boy they know how to get ya’ going to the movies, don’t they? As soon as you open that big glass and steel door the smell of hot buttered popcorn hits you and it’s all over. You are almost helpless against it’s alluring aroma. As you then make your way over to the concession stand like a zombie you then see all the candy, Coke and other food treats that await your hard-earned money. But I always do my best these days to go to the movies on a full stomach so I can thwart their evil plan and just go be (hopefully) entertained for a few hours.

AMC Theaters even offered kick-ass coupons if you went to the movies yesterday (because typically it is one, if not THE, lowest attendance day in the movie biz all summer). You could get a popcorn and soda, any size, for a buck each. Awesome idea, awesome deal. But I did my best and ate a good breakfast before hitting the cinema (I like trying to sound British every now and then).

For the most part I did O.K., and I even had a sandwich from Wawa for dinner with milk (and alright, alright, a small bag of chips) just before fireworks. That helped me resist things like hot dogs, hamburgers, funnel cakes, sodas (pops).  And speaking of hot dogs, going to the movies made me miss the Nathan’s Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest (thank God).

Have any of you ever seen that, um, spectacle? People from literally all over the world (including one who just wanted to “crash” the event and compete without following the rules set forth by – get this – Major League Eating) compete to see who can down the most hot dogs (and buns) they can eat in ten minutes.  The winner, Joey “Jaws” Chestnut, took the “mustard belt” for the fourth year in a row, gulping down a whopping 54 dogs! 54! That’s approximately 16,038 calories!

In my crazy life I once served as judge to a hot dog eating contest and it is the grossest thing you ever want to see. These guys dip the whole hot dog and bun in water to shove it down their gullets and it’s nasty. The thought of wet bread makes me gag and if you ever want an appetite suppressant watch this thing once. Ick! It truly will kill whatever appetite you might have for hot dogs for quite a while (I think I just threw up a little in my mouth just thinking about it).

And while I know most of us – O.K. safe to say 99.9% of us – won’t shovel in hot dogs at a rate of one every 11 seconds (the rate the winner of the Nathan’s contest winner) I hope you did try to eat better this 4th of July. It is totally possible to still enjoy the sights, smells and tastes of the Fourth without eating too much bad stuff in the process. And that is truly a great way to celebrate freedom…

…freedom from the extra calories and unwanted pounds, that is.

P.S. – One food fest I miss, though (and is “worth the splurge”) is Taste of Chicago. Held the last week of June – July 4th(ish) it is a downtown Chicago street food festival like no other. Over 70 local Chicago-area restaurants set up shop and you can sample everything from alligator (yep, and I’ve tried that once in my life. ONCE!) to veggie platters. It is amazing! I do miss it, even though you sooooooo need to workout before and after because you will consume a lot of calories. I try to do it every few years, especially now that I’ve dropped weight. That’s all my poor body could handle. And they do have small “Taste” portions you can try so you don’t get a full order of something, which is good.

Happy Monday, my friends. Today is a happy, bright and sunny, albeit chilly, Monday in southern New Jersey. Welcome to it and a brand new 10,080 minutes in the week.  It’s an exciting day for a few reasons.

First, I am pleased to report I survived the weekend (and a very meloncholy Mother’s Day) without  emotional eating. It was hard, though. Leading up to Mother’s Day I was afraid I would be just stuffing my face when Sunday arrived, and boy I wanted to. You guys know me. I have my Kryptonite foods and they called to me like the Sirens call ships and sailors to their fate. I was having cravings for my beef fried rice, and for some strange reason General Tso’s Chicken. (Where the hell did that come from?) And thank God I weaned away from Coke before this past weekend or it would have been super mega hard to resist the bottles of Coke just taunting and teasing me to come over and taste them if and whenever I entered a Wawa. And while I did have one single Coke this weekend, one ginger ale, and a wonderful, extra crunchy (extra sugar-filled) and delicious cup of coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts, I was good and drank iced tea and water the rest of the time. I had a decent breakfast yesterday and allowed myself a treat of pretzel bites in the afternoon. No Chinese food. No Coca-Cola binge. I was good. I made it. After all I promised myself and my mama, JoAnn, I wouldn’t let her cancer beat us twice and it didn’t. We won that round, Ma, and I love you.

Second, I reached my weight loss goal for the week, 233.5. Woohoo! I am down another pound down, and am setting my sights on losing another by next Monday. I am finding that re-losing these last damn ten pounds (a.k.a. the Battle of the Final Ten) that setting my sights on losing a pound a week helps me keep it in manageable focus, which is what we all need. Good, doable goals that don’t make us feel overwhelmed. Sweet!

Third, my freaking tooth is WORLDS better than it was over the weekend. Damn, Saturday was scary. I am not a wuss by any means (OK, maybe a little one) but I know something’s wrong when I touch the outside of my mouth and it hurts. I had visions of me with a giant white towel tied to my head with an ice pack on my jaw (you know, the image you used to see in old movies illustrating tooth pain). But thanks to a great trip to the dentist and their awesome work I am back to chewing stuff like those afore-mentioned pretzel bites and bacon. Bacon! BACON! BACON! BACON!

Last, today I am launching something special (at least I think it will be) – my online weight loss motivation sessions using Skype (tm). It has always been my mission to help people achieve what I have done, lose weight and successfully keep it off. So no matter whether people just can’t seem to fit in personal care into their schedules or they’re too embarrassed to talk about it in a group or with their families I will try to help using this wacky thing you space-age kids call the computer. So check it out and pass the word on.

There are 10,080 minutes in a week. We spend roughly 3,360 minutes sleeping (based on 8 hours average sleep per night seven nights a week multiplied by 60 minutes in an hour) and approximately 2,400 minutes working (assuming a 40-hour work week). That leaves approximately 4,320 minutes to live and catch up on life – do laundry, run to the store, pick up dry cleaning, work out and exercise and simply try to recharge our batteries before the 10,080 minutes start all over again.

Yes, it is definitely a new week full of new possibilities. And even though I will be busy I will be exercising today and every day this week to help me realize my own goals in all this crazy who-ha we call weight loss. I will re-reach my goal, and you will reach yours.

So c’mon! Time’s a ticking. The week has begun…

Today’s weather is almost the perfect way to describe how I am feeling. It is partly sunny, but the winds are really blustery and it’s chilly (well, chilly for here – about 45-degrees or so). The clouds want to be the pretty, poofy clouds seen at the beginning of “The Simpsons” but there are also smatterings of grey rain clouds thrown in, as well. Yes, an unusual mix of the weather for a different kind of day.

It’s Mother’s Day and the first one I am spending without my mom, JoAnn. I have to say it is making me feel very tender inside, like a wound that has scabbed over on the surface but is still raw and unhealed underneath. I guess it’s always going to feel that way, and that’s OK. It just means I miss my Mama.

Today is also a bit askew because of my mouth and dental issues. It seems that I had what’s known as a food impaction. Because of the way I chew I bit off a piece of my new filling which, in turn, caused food to get down into an area between my teeth. While it was slightly infected and definitely swollen and painful (they spent lots of time just cleaning out the area to get all the ick out), it could have been and gotten much worse (like abscess worse) if I didn’t go when I did.

Needless to say I didn’t feel much like being a carnivore yesterday. Oh sure I wanted to bite down into a nice juicy burger but I was so damned scared I would do something to my mouth again I stuck with liquidy foods – soup and shakes – to get me through (Chick-Fil-A has an awesome, AWESOME, peach shake).

Today I am still going to take care of my mouth by eating softer foods but I might graduate myself to some pasta or something like that. We will see. But the primary goal is not to give in to my emotional eating today. Being that it’s the first Mother’s Day where I don’t get to pick up the phone today to wish Mama a happy Mother’s Day, I am soooo tempted to give in to the foods that we both loved so much – Chinese food (there must be some place that serves a decent beef chop suey around here, although I have yet to find it), plain Hershey candy bars, Coke (or Pepsi, since she was a die-hard Pepsi drinker), oh just anything that would help my insides feel warm and full. I know it wouldn’t take away the pain of my mom being gone but it is tempting to try to fill the void at least for a while with food.

On the other hand I know it’s wrong to think that way. I have been doing so good and am on track to lose the remainder of that next hard-fought-for pound by tomorrow, Tuesday at the latest, and I have to keep that up. I am within my “battle of the final ten” and I will win this. I also know that food is a false friend when used like that. Sure it is there. It’s there at every turn if, when and how you want it. “Have it your way,” after all. Right? But just because I can get anything served to me at any time doesn’t mean I should have it. Food, in this case, is a false friend come to stay only for a short while. One who leaves you with pounds and pounds of baggage when it leaves, and it always leaves.

So I take a deep breath and get ready to start the day. I know that the weather outside is a weird mix but, then again, so am I at times. I feel the loss of my mom but also feel and remember the happy memories we shared along the way and that makes me happy and one of the luckiest people on this earth. I also got the privilege of having our last words to each other be “I love you,” which so, so many people don’t get to have when they lose loved ones. That was truly a blessing and a gift and one I will not squander with the nearest cheeseburger – no matter how good having one sounds.

I sincerely hope you guys out there who still have your moms spend lots of good time with them today. And for those of you out there who are moms you are wonderful people with the most important job in the world. And from a son whose mom did a wonderful job I can honestly say we need kicks in the butt just as much as we need that encouragement. It may not be what we want but it is what we need. Thank you.

And in honor of my mom, who so loved going to the movies (especially sci-fi, fantasy and action movies) and instilled that love of film in me, I will end this blog today with one of the finest movie quotes ever about moms, this one from the movie “The Crow…”

“Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.”

Yes it is. Yes it is.

I love you mom, very much. And I will do my best with food today and not eat too much. Promise.

Today is Sunday, May 9, 2010. It’s Mother’s Day and, as expected, I feel the emptiness and pain from missing my mom inside my gut, like the sickly dull pain aftershock of being kicked in the stomach. And while the pain has dulled since her passing on June 9, 2009 it has by no means, and will never, completely go away. And, quite frankly, I don’t want it to.

There are so many memories of my mother, JoAnn Larson, that I want to share with you guys but I feel weird being so morose and somber on a day when others are out and about celebrating their moms or celebrating being moms (like my best friend, Mike’s, wife Ewa who recently gave birth to their beautiful son, Thomas Michael). Happy Mother’s Day, guys.

So today should be filled with happy memories, or at least memories that make us laugh a little. It should celebrate life as my mom was so full of life. She was goofy, warm, personable (she never met a stranger – ever) and disarmed you instantly. And even when I thought she didn’t understand something she came out with such insight, knowledge and advice I was amazed – no, humbled – by her for she was also very, very wise.

When I was 16 years old I attended Kenwood Academy High School on Chicago’s South Side neighborhood of Hyde Park (go Broncos). My sophomore year was an unusual one because I, as we all are when we’re 16, felt a bit adrift and therefore floated between different circles of friends that year. On one particular Friday I was invited to a party thrown by the “cool” kids. Yes, me, Bill Ivory Larson, partying with the cool kids. I couldn’t believe it. Me, at a party with liquor, music and girls. A real party. I was so excited.

Now, before I continue I will go all tangential and admit I had a fake I.D. yes, yours truly had a fake I.D. that made me 22-years-old (I thought being slightly older than the bare-minimum 21 would be less conspicuous). I got it after seeing the fake I.D. of a school mate of mine, who told me exactly where to get this masterpiece of subterfuge, this ticket to pre-mature adult hood (O.K. basically to drinking). It cost all of $8 and about two hours of my time one day after school. But I was in, baby, or so I thought. This comes into play a bit later…

Back to the story. So Friday night rolled around and my mom, who was awesomely cool, let me go to this party because I was a fairly responsible kid. Admittedly it is different for boys than girls and yes, it was a different, seemingly less dangerous time where kids could run around a bit more in an age of no cell phones, etc. No matter what, though, she trusted me to be good and not get into any trouble, at least any of the “call the police” variety.

The party was jumpin’. The House Music (slightly different than the House Music played in clubs today) was being spun by my friend, Dave, whose house we were using. His trusting but gullible parents let him “have a few friends over,” although that quickly turned into 20 or so people, all of whom were underage, and all of whom were drinking heavily…including yours truly.

As the night wore on we ran out of booze. So we all looked at each other to see who had the best shot of “scoring,” and that turned out to be me. I was pumped. Not only was I with the cool kids but I was now looked at as the savior of the party. The guy with the plan and the I.D. So a couple of people drove me to the liquor store (not the one my mom and I went to all the time for candy bars and Pepsi, but a different one) and I could feel my heart beat in my chest. “What if I get caught? Oh my God!” I was so scared but I screwed up my courage and walked into the liquor store on 51^st Street to peruse the aisles for enough hooch to keep us going all night.

I got a fifth of Old Granddad (yes, that nasty-ass Old Granddad), Jack Daniels and a few other things, including another 24-case of beer (as long as it wasn’t Coors – a house rule of Dave’s), and walked up to the counter. I felt sure the woman at the register was going to ask for my I.D., see right through it and call the long arm of the law. But she didn’t. I couldn’t believe it! She just rang me up. And even though I fully admit to looking much older than I was I was pissed because I DIDN’T get to use my shiny new fake I.D. But I don’t know what got me madder – not using the thing or being served alcohol and being a minor (something that still sort of troubles me today). Anywho, I got back to the party and drinking resumed and it carried on all night. At about 2:00 a.m. at least I think it was (I was so freaking drunk I couldn’t tell a two from a cat) I called my mom to say I was spending the night at Dave’s place. My mom was cool and thanked me for calling (I was always told to at least just check in and I did – her rules). And I crashed out by like 3:00 a.m. or so.

Saturday morning rolled around and I felt like shit. Real shit. My head was pounding so hard and I felt so sick to my stomach I wished I could have thrown up and died just to feel better. Yes, it was my first hangover and it was a doozey. Worse yet, I remembered I had to be at work in the children’s shoe store (my first job) by 9:00 a.m. that morning. There was no freaking way, I thought. As I bade my sleepy and still-drunken friends adieu I stumbled out of his place into the brisk morning air.

All the way home I was trying to puke. It would have made me feel better, as would a bullet to the head or being struck by lightning would have. I felt awful and I had no one to blame but myself. When I got home I told my mom I felt terrible (“sick” I actually think I said) and that I couldn’t go to work that day. But being the wise and wonderful mom she was she said “no, son. You are going to work today.”

And while my mom was cool, I knew she meant every word of it.

Needless to say I was a tad late getting there, which was sad given I literally lived around the corner from my job and began my day. I arrived at 10:00 a.m. and didn’t make it to noon. I was so hungover and I’m sure reeked of booze. I begged the forgiveness of my boss and went home to sleep it off.

Somehow my mom knew I wasn’t going to make it all day at work. When I got home she let me sleep, and sleep I did. I slept until like 5 or 6 that afternoon. When I woke up she looked at me not with anger but with a smile and said “betcha won’t do that again, will ya?” I smiled right back knowing instantly how much she knew I was messed up and in need of a lesson. I told her all about the party and she was so cool about it all. She looked at me after a while and asked me one simple question: “you know that’s why I made you go to work, right?” I nodded my head and laughed, and so did she. She also confessed to having a bit of a laugh at my expense over the whole thing wondering how long I was going to last at work (which, again, was not very long).

I never forgot that lesson. It was so important and special and cool and everything I needed at that time. It was a life lesson taught to me by a woman who was wise enough to know it was the only way I was going to learn the consequences of my actions, that I still had responsibilities to handle no matter how drunk I got. She taught me that people depended on me and I let them down because I was stupid. Oh, and let’s not forget she taught me I should never get that wasted the night before I have something to do the next day, a lesson I broke only one other time in my life and I was well into my 30s when I did. I’ll tell you about that sometime over a, er, drink.

When I look back at that story I smile because my mom knew going to work was all the punishment I needed to learn that life lesson. And she was right. It wasn’t the first nor the last time her pearls of wisdom were laid on me to teach me what I needed to know when I needed to know it. She was excellent that way. Excellent.

So for all you folks out there who still have your moms with you never take your mom’s words for granted. They and the lessons they teach us won’t be around forever and you’ll miss them deeply and terribly when they’re gone. And to all you moms out there, thank you. Thank you for teaching us kids what we need to know when we need to know it. It may not be what we want to know but it sure as hell is what we need to know.

On this Mother’s Day I will raise a glass (of something non-alcoholic) to my mom, JoAnn. I miss her voice, I miss her laugh, I miss her smile and I miss her words of wisdom. And even though I can’t pick up the phone and say “Happy Mother’s Day, Mama,” I hope she knows how much I love her and miss her and how much she’ll always be in my heart and always be my Mama.

Remember the glory days of school field trips? Oh, they were awesome. You were in home room and your teacher announced that the class was going to take a field trip to (insert museum, institution or performing arts center of your choice here). She/he handed out the requisite permission slips and it was like getting a free plane ticket. At least it was for me. It meant I got a chance to get out of the classroom and see something else. And one of the trips I remember was to the Art Institute of Chicago.

You’ve heard me talk about this place before and how it houses my favorite painting in the world (Paris Street: Rainy Day by French artist Gustave Caillebotte) but I distinctly remember my field trip to the Art Institute for another reason. The first time I saw naked people and not just any naked people, naked women. And not just naked women but beautiful, full-figured Rubenesque women with not only ample bosom and hips but also of, in some cases rolls of pudge and cellulite.

They were some of the most beautiful paintings I had (and have) ever seen.

My mom had always told me, even when I was a boy, the human body was nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about and here in this museum was the proof. Thanks to the art and influence of  Peter Paul Rubens we got to see “real” women, full-bodied women, voluptuous and zaftig who were painted as beautiful subjects full of life, ripeness and sensuality.

Now where in the hell did society go wrong? When did we go from seeing beautiful women of curves transformed into heroin-chic stick figures whom the fashion industry considers “beautiful.” For the life of me I can’t imagine why these women (and men) would be any more attractive naked than the Rubenesque women portrayed in the paintings I saw in the museum.

The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines naked in several ways after the customary 1) not covered by clothing: nude definition. The most interesting definitions, however, are the following:

3 a : scantily supplied or furnished b : lacking embellishment : unadorned

4 : unarmed, defenseless

5 : lacking confirmation or support

6 : devoid of concealment or disguise

7 : unaided by any optical device or instrument <the naked eye>

Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating that naked is exactly how people of size can feel when standing in front of the mirror at home. We lack embellishment standing there with our Rubenesque rolls (a.k.a. love handles, cellulite and pudge) staring back at us defenseless and vulnerable. It is a naked feeling to do this. Add to that the lacking of confirmation and support from society, the fashion, television and movie industries, etc., and we do truly feel naked. And it is because we cannot disguise or conceal our “ample size” we don’t show our legs or arms in shorts or tank tops. That is why we stay away from the beach in the summer. That is why I don’t wear shorts (that, and my varicose veins in my right leg). To the naked eye we are considered not Rubenesque we are just considered plain old fat.

Our days are getting warmer which means our clothes are getting thinner. They cannot conceal our figures. And that is OK. When we are naked we truly feel naked, and there isn’t a damn person I know at least who is completely 100% happy with everything their body has going on. So do not be embarrassed or ashamed about your bodies. They are yours and if you are on a weight loss journey they’re what you have to work with. You are doing your best to make them smaller, weigh less and become leaner. I know I am. But when I stand in front of the mirror every day I see my fat and extra skin from losing weight. Yep, I do. But it’s then that the words of my mom come back to me…

“…son, the human body is nothing to be ashamed about. It is beautiful.”

As I think of my mama more and more as Mother’s Day approaches I share with you her wisdom and lesson she imparted to me. Be proud of your naked body. It is not something to hide. While we may have extra rolls and skin we don’t want we are no less attractive and just every bit as sexy naked as those damned “high-fashion” models in the magazines…

…and every bit as beautiful as the model in the recent Lane Bryant television ad and the Rubenesque naked people depicted in some of my favorite paintings in my favorite art museum in the entire world. And if a little tubby kid from the South Side of Chicago can take that with him from one field trip and have it stay with him, there’s hope for humanity yet.

It’s Thursday. Just three days to go until Mother’s Day and I am finding myself fighting food urges more and more. The only thing that seems to make me feel better is that I know I am fighting food urges and know why they are there in the first place. My name is Bill and I’m an emotional (and sometimes situational) eater.

Sometimes, food urges are situational. Like when you go to an event, like I did last week, and have tater tots for no better reason other than you have one glass of wine, someone else orders them and they smell really freaking good. Seemed like a good idea at the time, and it didn’t have tooooooo much effect on the bottom waistline (thank God). Or when I went to a meeting the other day where they were serving sandwiches, chips, brownies and my Kryptonite – Coca-Cola. I walked away but not before having just one small piece of sandwich. Just one small one, thank goodness.

But most times for me food urges are emotional. When I’m happy and I know it I clap my hands (and reach for snacks). When I’m nervous about something that’s a double whammy – not only do I binge but I mindlessly do it because whatever I’m nervous about occupies my mind and I don’t think of what, or how much, I’m eating. And recently, I’ve been wanting snacks because I am sad and missing my mama, JoAnn. So I reach for the things I used to have with her as a kid – Hostess Cupcakes and the sweet taste of a plain Hershey chocolate bar. I’ve even had an ice-cold Pepsi from time to time, too, in memory of her.

I know this food won’t bring my mom back, or do me any damn good when I’m trying (almost desperately) to bring my weight down. What I have to fight is that short-term high I get when I have these things. It’s like taking drugs, I guess. Score a “hit,” feel great, come down and want very much to have that again.

I know these feelings of sadness and emptiness will get a bit stronger as we approach Mother’s Day this Sunday, but knowing that does help. It may not help me curb ALL the urges I have and I know I will give into a few here and there. Just know it will be just here and there, not all the time and won’t be every day.

I will also take comfort knowing that the people in my life who still have their moms, or are moms themselves, will be with their loved ones this weekend. Whether it is by voice or in person, or even with just a card received in the mail. And  while some of these moms are healthy, some are not. Some moms may be beginning a fight with arthritis, memory or worst of all, cancer. To those moms and their children you have my heart, know that I am with you in spirit and I sincerely wish that all is made well soon.

And for those special people in my life who no longer have their moms I am with you in spirit, too. I have heard so many times since last June 9 how that void never goes away. The pain just dulls a bit. And I know in my mind and in my heart that there isn’t comfort food enough on this planet to feed that kind of longing or squelch that kind of dull pain. So we will be there for each other, too, toasting them in their ultimate healing away from this earth.

Damn, it really helps to talk about all of these feelings with you guys. Thank you. That, not cupcakes, Chinese food, Cokes, cheesesteaks, hot dogs or ribs, makes me feel better. Very much so.

Sorry this blog is going to sound a bit scattered and cluttered. It’s just how I’m feeling today.

Back when I worked in the movie promotion “biz” I used to have piles on my desk at work because I never used to have much of a filing system. I used to place all my documents, etc. in one central stack (or a couple of stacks because one could easily topple) as my way of “knowing where everything is.” It was a scattered, distracted way of doing things, and this coming from a guy who always wanted (and still does want) to be successful. I always told myself “Oh, I’ll get to that later.” And the piles kept growing and me more distracted with them.

What does that have to do with the price of tea in China? What does that have to do with weight loss? Why tell you about that? Because I am so freaking distracted lately! I hate to say it but I am. Man! It’s like I have life ADD. For example, I could be throwing laundry in the washer but then I see a movie on TV and I start watching. Or I get started on something and then – poof – something grabs my attention on the internet. I could want to go workout but then I get sucked into the virtual world of which I spoke the other day.

And slowly I see my piles of stuff coming back – half-finished stacks of laundry or filed receipts or dust bunnies that need to be swept away. I feel like an old AM radio on which you just quite can’t get the station. The announcers are talking but the reception is all fuzzy with static.

Why do I have life ADD? Well, some of it is personal (I’ve been feeling distracted with thoughts of my mom, especially with Mother’s Day approaching followed closely by the one year anniversary of her death from pancreatic cancer) and some of it is professional (just trying to keep up with things I need to do and people I need to see to keep moving forward with this website and my writing).

I know I talk about the “Star Wars” movies a lot but there really is a quote in them for everything. In “The Empire Strikes Back” (which I can’t freaking believe is 30 years old already) Yoda is training Luke who has many questions because he’s anxious, young and very distracted. Yoda, in speaking about Luke, says “Always has this one looked away, to the future. Never his mind on where he was. Hmmm. What he was doing.”

Yoda’s right.

Sometimes distractions can be good – very good really – like planning trips and vacations to see family, or reconnecting with people to let them know you still care (even if it is 3 o’clock in the morning) or getting inspiration to write a weight loss blog even though you start the morning in a sleepy fog. It’s just the other distractions that are bad and those are what can keep you from your weight loss goal. This is what leads to me stress eating, binging and eating crap that’s no good for me. So today I will continue to be good with my eating (I am well on track to lose that pound by tomorrow) and stay focused.

It is easy to be lost. Lately I know exactly how that feels. But it’s OK. At the end of it all, underneath all those piles of goo that need to be filed is your focus, your goal. And you will get there.

Someone wise once said to me “ya know. If you clean off your desk and file things away you’d have more space to work.” And that is very true, even to this day. I need to focus on one thing at a time.

After all, these piles of crap won’t clear themselves away. Will they?