Determined To Succeed

Hello and happy new week and day one-hundred-twenty-eight, my friends. I know. I know. I promised I would write yesterday but the day got broken up more than I thought and I didn’t have the time I thought I would have. I am so sorry about that. But here I am, back at my keyboard, raring to go.

Gasp and sigh. I am 40 now. I achieved that milestone birthday on December 12th. However, while others lament turning 40 I am embracing it and am very proud of the short little grey hairs on my chinny-chin-chin and the “salt” that is starting to be sprinkled in with my “pepper.” But even though I was (and am still) looking forward to 40, I had something of a health scare. As I mentioned in my last blog, I have been diagnosed with diverticulosis.  It was so bad doctors had to be called and I was in the hospital for a few days. This is not exactly how I wanted to start prepping for my 40th birthday…not by a longshot… and everything, including this weight loss blog, had to be put aside for a bit so I could properly recover. This meant not being able to exercise. Add to that that I had to eat and, well, you can imagine the sigh that came out of me when I stepped on the scale and saw 248.9 on my scale.

Sigh, indeed.

That is of little consequence, though. Not only did I get through the worst health scare of my entire life (ironically, save for the time when I was born and had to be hospitalized for pneumonia and bronchitis) but I will be able to do everything I did before, including exercise to re-lose this weight. Yes, that means I know I will re-lose that weight again and that I had to gain it back to help my body get better. Sometimes we need that trade-off with ourselves so we take proper care of ourselves.

Did I mention I have to drink metamucil and take an iron pill every day for the rest of my life, too?  I am becoming an old man (O.K., that was a joke, and the metamucil makes a kick ass pink lemonade).

My friends, I have a slightly different perspective today than I had in months past. I am lucky to be here and that means knowing I have to take care of my health first and foremost in all of this and if drinking that stuff and taking it easier is what I need to do to stay on this planet then, dammit, that’s what I’m gonna do. I will be getting back to exercising, too, don’t get me wrong (after all, I do want to re-lose this weight also to be healthier) but I will be doing it as I can so as not to over-exert myself as my body builds itself back up again.

Yes, this 40th birthday of mine has been full in introspection, prayer and relief. I am lucky to be here on this planet and I thank God every day for that. I also thank the spirit of my mom, JoAnn, for looking out for me the way she always does. Moms are always there when you need them and my mom was right beside me, too. What does that all mean? It means I am going to make the most of this new lease. I will exercise. I will eat better (and more fiberous) foods. Most of all, I will embrace my life, especially now that I am 40 so that I can say – WAY THE HELL DOWN THE ROAD WHEN I AM 95 – that I made the most of the life I have and this is just the physical part of my rebuilding to go along with the mental and emotional rebuilding parts. And as the rest of me gets this “tune up” I am thinking ever so much about the 40 things I want to do at 40, a list I will be sharing with you guys tomorrow.

For now, I’m just going to thank God some more that I am here looking at a pretty, albeit chilly, day here in southern New Jersey and that I made it to 40. Now is the time to seize life and not take it for granted anymore. I’m going to write today, take care of a few errands and just be thankful about the ability to drink metamucil. Oh, and if you know and/or feel something is wrong GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR!!! I can’t stress that enough.

Day ninety-five (and a half).

O.K. I have to confess I am writing my Friday/Saturday/Sunday weekend weight loss blog on Thursday night instead of Friday morning. I have a meeting I need to attend way the hell out in bufu (is that how you spell it?) which starts at 9:00 a.m. So, instead of getting up before dawn starts cracking (and I was still sleeping for all intents and purposes anyway) I figured I’d give everyone my best, take advantage of my good momentum today and kick off all our weekends a bit early.

I did carry through with what I said I was gonna do. After I was all done posting my mushy, gushy mashed potato blog (mmmmm, mashed potatoes – oh, sorry) I took myself to go workout. It was awesome. I did my usual half-hour on the elliptical followed by some shadowboxing, tummy crunches, push-ups (yeah, you heard me, push-ups!), leg kicks and yoga. It was the most relaxing hour, not to mention it felt soooooo good on my achy right hip. Also, the gym was nearly empty which is awesome. I have to say working out gives me mental momentum, too. There’s something about sweating that clears the mind and helps you focus (well, at least it helps me focus).  And after the afore-mentioned meeting tomorrow (Friday) I plan to ditch my suit and throw on some sweats and hit the gym yet again.

Nothing like momentum to keep ya’ going, eh?

I also feel like such a bonehead. I completely forgot to mention it is Veterans Day today (Thursday), a day during which we honor our past and present military which is also observed as Remembrance Day in other parts of the world. Falling on November 11, Veterans Day marks the anniversary of the signing of the Armistice that ended World War I (major hostilities of World War I were formally ended at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918 with the German signing of the Armistice).

As many of you have read I am celebrating my own different and unique kind of peace. A peace that can only be achieved when demons are vanquished and the mind, body and spirit are brought back together as one, which for me took years. I said it the other day, I am saying it now and I will say it forever – I will let nothing, absolutely NOTHING, take away my peace. So going into this Veterans Day evening I wanted to mention a couple of things…

…one, how grateful I am to our past and present military for their service to this country for it is because of their service (and sacrifice) we enjoy freedom. It is absolutely our duty to keep in touch with what’s going on in the world (including the recently foiled bomb plots) to constantly remind ourselves what they fought, and are fighting, for. That we can enjoy peace in our own homes with our families is a gift. So thank you to all who serve(d).

…two, that the personal peace I am enjoying right now is something I want to enjoy forever, so I do not think mentioning momentum (something which implies movement) and peace (something that implies blissful rest) in the same sentence is wrong. One helps get to the other and I so want to continue my momentum for personal peace – peace in mind, my body in in my spirit – for the rest of my life.

 I do not know how many of you are out there checking in with me and Determined To Succeed (and thank you if you do) but I hope you get a chance to take care of yourselves this weekend, too. It’s supposed to be beautiful this weekend, with mild weather in the low- to even the mid-sixties (at least here in southern New Jersey). Unbelievable! That means I get a bonus chance to do some outdoor working out. Even if it’s  just a walk around the park it sounds great, looking at all the trees turning their gorgeous fall colors. Awesome! Simply awesome! It is that perfect chance for  momentum towards inner peace I want us all to continue not just this weekend but each and every day. For if we keep that momentum going, pressing forward and doing what we need to do we can achieve that peace – peace of mind, peace of body and peace in soul – we all strive for in our lives and which I strive for in mine.

Have a great weekend, everyone. And if you know or are a vet, tell them thank you for me, too. Talk to you all on Monday.

Day seventy-nine.

I am back up a half=pound (238.9) and it’s not good. I need to stay away from chocolate (damn Halloween) and try not to drink so much Coke Zero (better than regular Coke, but still…). Also, I so need to workout today. I didn’t get the chance to yesterday after all because of running around I needed to do but I will today. I feel scattered today. I feel bloated. Worst of all, my “victory” pair of Levi’s jeans is showing wear and I won’t be able to wear them much longer. Bah! Hurmph!

O.K., now that I’ve gotten that out of my system I feel a bit better. I think what set me off the most was the jeans. You see, when I was a kid I found a pair of Levi’s 501 Button-Fly Jeans in a rummage sale at my old church. I couldn’t believe my luck when I bought them and tried them on. Not only did they fit and fit well they were, by far, the softest jeans I’ve ever known (to this day).

Well..as we are all fond of things because of an impression they made long ago I have always thought of Levi’s 501 Jeans as my gold standard jean so after I lost weight I dared myself to go to the Levi’s Store at a local outlet mall to try on jeans. Sure enough I found myself staring at the stack of 501s and I tried them on. They fit beautifully. Nowhere near as soft because they were new but they fit and I bought ‘em.

For the past three or so years I’ve treasured these jeans and now, thanks to me treasuring them so much, they are in need of replacing. At least they need replacing due to the standard wear and tear, not my ripping them because I was too fat (that’s happened more than once). How embarrassing that was/is. Yikes!

I think I am finally going to keep my word and keep my blog short. This way I have much more time in the gym working off these extra chocolaty/Coke pounds. Forgive me, my friends. I am just a bit out of sorts and needing to sweat a bit. That’s all. I hope you guys can get out and enjoy the day, too. It’s unseasonably warm here in New Jersey today and will be tomorrow, too. Maybe a nice long walk will do me some good…

…then maybe I can go find me another pair of my trusty Levi’s.

Day fifty-one.

This morning I am thinking about demons. Demons that seem unstoppable and invincible. Demons that, no matter what, can stand up to even time itself, the supposed great healer of all. Well, there are some things that time doesn’t take away, like pain. For example, it’s been almost a year and four months already since my mom, JoAnn Larson, passed away and I still feel that moment as if it were yesterday. I still feel the absence of her on this earth and, from what I hear from others who’ve lost parents, always will. Sure, time takes away some of the immediate sting but it never takes away the memory of the pain itself, and oh, how I wish it did.

When I was a child I was so ashamed of how I was living the shame became a tangible thing I touched every day. I felt my surroundings not only around me but inside me. I became saturated by the sights, sounds and smells of where I was living. I felt the roaches crawl on my skin. I could almost feel the gritty dirt on the faded light green of the walls. I smelled the accumulated smells in the carpet in the long hallway of my apartment building floor as the building passed into decrepit oblivion – the dust, garbage, people, old food, must and rodents all part of a gigantic trap from which I felt no release. Hell, I am also quite sure I went to school smelling of old cigarettes, since my mother loved unfiltered Pall Malls and we did live in one very small room. To this day I cannot stand the smell of old cigarette smoke which does get everywhere instantly no matter what a smoker might tell you to the contrary. That is a pain from which I have been removed for more than twenty years but which still helped define me, both in good ways and bad.

The pain and shame of that place, combined with burying that pain and numbing it with X, Y and Z helped to create an addict, one that became seriously addicted to food as part of a cycle that led me to my life’s rock bottom. Then, lump on other unhappinesses, disappointments, anger, the inability to express myself, job stress, relationship bullshit and more and, over the years, the pain and shame became sentient, a living breathing demon who still inhabits parts of my brain and soul.

When you train yourself to numb things it is very hard to not numb them anymore. Food tastes good. I love good Chinese food (notice I said GOOD Chinese food, like Chicago good not Jersey/Philly so-so), I love sweet rolls (good bakery sweet rolls like my mom and I used to get on Sundays to eat while reading the paper), I love ice-cold Coca-Colas which at one point were bottles of ice-cold Pepsi, I love mashed potatoes, fried things, chocolate things, buttery things, Italian Beefs, cheesesteaks, french fries…I love it all. But I was “using,” using all that and more to numb a pain and truth which I have only recently come to grapple with and understand. Once I did that I was truly able to see food and other things weren’t enjoyable, they were the heroin I injected into my veins to make the world and its reality go away for just a little while.

That is addiction. That is food addiction. When using what is normal, everyday, commonplace pleasurable and warping it into something that not only is bad but also feeds the demon(s) born from long days ago. That is how demons can withstand the test of time.

I am doing my absolute best to curtail these demons and live a healthier, happier life. In fact I’m gonna fight the food demon as soon as I am done posting today by working out in the gym (since it is quite rainy today in southern New Jersey). Fifty-one days is truly a blessing and one on which I intend to build a foundation of good for my life and those wonderful people in it. I won’t let them down because I won’t let myself down again. Not like that. Not ever.

Time may heal some things but it doesn’t heal others. That’s O.K., because it’s what we do with today that matters. We may not be able to change what happened before but we sure as hell can control what happens today, tomorrow and in all the tomorrows yet to come.And so far I have fifty-one of them. Of all the things I’ve collected in my lifetime, days of sobriety are what I want a treasure trove of in the future.

Day forty-seven.

Here it is, my friends. The end of another week. Boy, this one went fast! Didn’t it? At least it did for me. I have to say though, overall, it was a great week. My weight is down, I am eating better and working out consistently. All very cool things indeed. But I have to be honest. One of the best things about eating less and cooking more is how much freaking money you save.

Just this morning I made scrabled eggs and grits. Yes, grits. I loooove grits. They are awesome and I’ve loved them since I was a kid. I first had them at my mom, JoAnn’s, best friend’s house. When my mom dropped me off during summers so she could go to work, Rosalyn (a wonderful and sweet lady) made all us kids breakfast. She’d make eggs, bacon, maybe a pancake or two and grits. To this day I love grits, especially sticky ones. Hot sticky grits with butter and salt – now that’s good eatin.’ But I digress…Where was I? Oh, saving money and cooking breakfast. Right! Anywho, so I made breakfast this morning and had some diet V-8 Splash and thought about the money I saved eating in versus eating out. Let’s compare. Shall we?

Since this is New Jersey and not many restaurants at all (even in the diner mecca of the nation) even serve grits. So I have to do my comparative using a chain restaurant – Bob Evans. Not only do they have kick-ass breatfast (and awesome sausage) they serve grits. Now, if you were to go to Bob Evans and order what I ate today, which was two scrambled eggs and a bowl of grits, you’d pay in the neighborhood of $6.41. I know this because I called my closest Bob Evans and spoke to an incredibly rude service guy who seemed put out that I just wanted a price. Well, I compared that to spending about $3 per 24 oz. container of my grit-zy goodness and about $3 or $4 for a dozen organic, free range eggs (depending on your store). That means for the cost of about one-and-a-half meals at Bob Evans you could have 6 meals worth of eggs and grits. Not to mention you will have waaaaaay more grits than just six meals worth. I just counted six because a dozen eggs divided by two eggs per meal came out to six. Let me put it another way – to have six meals at Bob Evans, again consisting of only two scrambled eggs and a bowl of grits, you’d pay a whopping $38.46! Do you know how much more food that would buy you? Lots!

I am also starting to do this with my daily coffee and muffin habit from good old Dunkin’ Donuts.  One “Number 2″ at DD, which is a medium coffee and muffin, costs me $3.21. A box of muffin mix, which can make about a dozen or so large, Dunkin’ Donuts-sized muffins, will only run you about $3-ish. Now the muffins I have need only water and come with blueberries and raspberries (yum). A bag of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee from Target will run you only $7 or so bucks. So for about $10 you could have at least a dozen breakfasts from DD. THAT’S TWO WEEKS! Compare that to the $38.52 you’d spend for the exact same thing at DD. Damn. You can see how eating at home is a helluva lot better than eating out.

OK, was today’s blog a bit preachy on cost/benefit. Yep! But I promised I’d help you all out there with tips and this is a pretty good one especially going into the weekend when we ALL shop for groceries for at least part of the week. It may seem like you are spending tons at the store but when you apply that and figure out cost per meal you end up saving sooooo much money in the long run. Not to mention it feels great to have a heavier wallet, especially since I want it to be gaining weight, not me.

Have a great weekend. Talk to you Monday.

Happy Monday, my friends. Today is a happy, bright and sunny, albeit chilly, Monday in southern New Jersey. Welcome to it and a brand new 10,080 minutes in the week.  It’s an exciting day for a few reasons.

First, I am pleased to report I survived the weekend (and a very meloncholy Mother’s Day) without  emotional eating. It was hard, though. Leading up to Mother’s Day I was afraid I would be just stuffing my face when Sunday arrived, and boy I wanted to. You guys know me. I have my Kryptonite foods and they called to me like the Sirens call ships and sailors to their fate. I was having cravings for my beef fried rice, and for some strange reason General Tso’s Chicken. (Where the hell did that come from?) And thank God I weaned away from Coke before this past weekend or it would have been super mega hard to resist the bottles of Coke just taunting and teasing me to come over and taste them if and whenever I entered a Wawa. And while I did have one single Coke this weekend, one ginger ale, and a wonderful, extra crunchy (extra sugar-filled) and delicious cup of coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts, I was good and drank iced tea and water the rest of the time. I had a decent breakfast yesterday and allowed myself a treat of pretzel bites in the afternoon. No Chinese food. No Coca-Cola binge. I was good. I made it. After all I promised myself and my mama, JoAnn, I wouldn’t let her cancer beat us twice and it didn’t. We won that round, Ma, and I love you.

Second, I reached my weight loss goal for the week, 233.5. Woohoo! I am down another pound down, and am setting my sights on losing another by next Monday. I am finding that re-losing these last damn ten pounds (a.k.a. the Battle of the Final Ten) that setting my sights on losing a pound a week helps me keep it in manageable focus, which is what we all need. Good, doable goals that don’t make us feel overwhelmed. Sweet!

Third, my freaking tooth is WORLDS better than it was over the weekend. Damn, Saturday was scary. I am not a wuss by any means (OK, maybe a little one) but I know something’s wrong when I touch the outside of my mouth and it hurts. I had visions of me with a giant white towel tied to my head with an ice pack on my jaw (you know, the image you used to see in old movies illustrating tooth pain). But thanks to a great trip to the dentist and their awesome work I am back to chewing stuff like those afore-mentioned pretzel bites and bacon. Bacon! BACON! BACON! BACON!

Last, today I am launching something special (at least I think it will be) – my online weight loss motivation sessions using Skype (tm). It has always been my mission to help people achieve what I have done, lose weight and successfully keep it off. So no matter whether people just can’t seem to fit in personal care into their schedules or they’re too embarrassed to talk about it in a group or with their families I will try to help using this wacky thing you space-age kids call the computer. So check it out and pass the word on.

There are 10,080 minutes in a week. We spend roughly 3,360 minutes sleeping (based on 8 hours average sleep per night seven nights a week multiplied by 60 minutes in an hour) and approximately 2,400 minutes working (assuming a 40-hour work week). That leaves approximately 4,320 minutes to live and catch up on life – do laundry, run to the store, pick up dry cleaning, work out and exercise and simply try to recharge our batteries before the 10,080 minutes start all over again.

Yes, it is definitely a new week full of new possibilities. And even though I will be busy I will be exercising today and every day this week to help me realize my own goals in all this crazy who-ha we call weight loss. I will re-reach my goal, and you will reach yours.

So c’mon! Time’s a ticking. The week has begun…

The rain came down pretty hard here in southern New Jersey this morning but I am in a very sunny mood. I am at 234.3, which means two wonderful things. One, I have lost a pound and reached my weight loss goal for this week and two, I’m just nine pounds away of  re-reaching my ultimate weight goal of 225 pounds. Yippee!

Whenever I receive an e-mail, tweet or Facebook message from someone about weight loss I am reminded of the power of a pound. In almost every one a courageous person tells me about how they are one pound closer to their goal (and how cool is that) and it reminds me of something very, very important. It reminds me not to fret over trying to re-lose those damn ten stinking pounds (those last final ten I keep griping about) I have yet to lose from my weight gain last year but to focus instead on the small things…

…focus on losing one pound at a time.

For me, weight loss, food binges and exercise are all mental. I didn’t start out wanting to lose 175 pounds. That number wasn’t even in my head at the time. I just knew I really wanted to lose ten pounds so my knee would stop hurting me (I had to fight “Arthur” – as in arthritis) so I could at least sit through a movie without “Arthur” talking to me through it (hey Bill, does this hurt?). Know what I mean? And when I did, and I started feeling better, I just tried to continue one pound at a time.

Thinking about losing a tremendous amount can be daunting and I know for some losing just one pound can be daunting, especially if hormones and glands and stuff get in the way. But if you lose a pound it is a victory and one that should not be taken lightly (no pun intended). It is awesome.

And my battles with food are mental, as I’ve said. Why do I “feel the need” to have things like ice-cream and Coca-Cola? I wish I knew. But every single day I just kind of mumble to myself “you don’t need that,” like a little voice in my head knows it’s all in my head and I can stop. When I’m emotional it’s harder but I try and that’s all some of us can do most days, especially trying to lose a pound here and a pound there.

But today is a celebration of the loss of a single pound. It is no small feat to lose one while on any weight loss journey and losing one here and there is awesome. It may not be a huge amount but it is a hard-fought-for victory in the battle of the bulge.Do not let anyone tell you today or any day that it’s insignificant. It is something about which to be proud. You are one pound lighter. I am one pound lighter. And if that ain’t enough for some people then tell them to suck it!

Pound for pound, losing one means we’ve won. At least that round. And for that we should all be proud. What a way to start the week.

Happy Monday, my friends. Let’s start this week off with a basic refresher science lesson. I know, I know. “It’s too early in the week for physics and I haven’t had my coffee yet.” But stick with me. This one’s easy…

You guys have heard of Newton’s First Law of Motion, right? Newton’s First Law of Motion states that a body at rest will remain at rest unless an outside force acts on it, and a body in motion at a constant velocity will remain in motion in a straight line unless acted upon by an outside force.

The southern New Jersey and Philadelphia areas have had rain since yesterday, with more rain expected tomorrow. It’s cool (somewhere in the 40s) and the skies have a light grey look to them. Drops of rain gently hit puddles of collected water in the streets outside creating small ripples colliding with other competing small ripples and you can hear the wet rolling of the tires on cars as they drive by on the street.  In general, this is a blah day indeed, perfect for just kicking-back, finding a good old movie on TCM or some such channel and curling up on the couch.

It is such a struggle on days like today to get up and get moving. My body, which has pretty much just woken up, still feels “at rest” and would be more than happy to stay “at rest” and let today be spent watching those drops of rain hit puddles, stay under the covers or on the couch while listening to the wet car wheels roll by as I mentioned above. In other words, my body would be more than happy not to have an outside force (me getting up to exercise) cause it to lose its “at rest” status.

Because I am human, rainy days are perfect examples of when I fight the urge NOT get up and exercise.

It would be so easy to justify not getting up, putting on my gym clothes and working out on the elliptical. I’d blame it on the rain (oh, great! Now I’ve got a Milli Vanilli song going through my head!) and say to myself “I’ll just get up and workout doubly hard tomorrow.” Sound familiar? I know it does to me. I can’t tell you how many times in my fat life I’ve said those words. And I’m not saying I won’t ever say them again. I am human, after all. I just won’t say them today because on the good news front, thanks to some smart eating choices, cutting out soda (yes, including my beloved ice-cold Cokes) and exercising, I survived the weekend and am back to 236.5. Just eleven pounds to go before my goal weight is re-achieved.

With that in mind I am willing my body to be “in motion.” I am telling myself to get up and get moving. This weight ain’t gonna lose itself and even though it is a perfect, lazy rainy day I will get up and stay in motion at a constant velocity and will not be acted upon by the outside force of me wanting to be lazy and not workout today. I am going to get my workout “on” and will do my 4 miles on the elliptical, push-ups, sit-ups, weight machines and dumbbells. I will stay on my downward trend.

See, science and physics are not too terribly bad on a Monday, are they? Well, at least as reminders to get up and get moving to achieve a weight loss goal.

Happy Sunday, my friends. It’s rainy here in southern New Jersey and the day is slooooooly getting going (as lazy, rainy Sundays tend to do). I am feeling much better than I did on Friday, first and foremost because I had more sleep (per chance to dream). And more sleep equals more strength to handle stuff, like bitching again to the Honda service guy about setting expectations. If the idiot I spoke to on Thursday had told me there was a chance I’d spend that kind of money I wouldn’t have felt so blind-sided and kicked in the gut. At least I shamed Honda into giving me a $50 coupon off one of the belt-thingies. It didn’t make much of a difference but it helped.

I also feel better because I wanted to feel better. I am moving away from the crap. I knew I wasn’t going to let the circumstances and feelings of Friday ruin my Saturday, especially when it came to eating. Sure, I ended up having Chinese food for dinner (I needed it especially after actually handing over the credit “dread-it” card to pay for said automotive services) but I took care, exercised during the day, ate a sensible lunch, watched my portions, drank diet soda (Coke Cherry Zero rocks) and had it on smarter terms – my terms. I am still at 237.5 today and holding, which is great. And like Sundays are for so many people, today is catch-up day for me for basic mechanics, all puns intended, like laundry, groceries, etc., and also for exercise and weight loss planning for the new week.

There are so many times when we feel nervous, anxious, sad, weird, etc., especially getting ready to start a new week. There might be a job interview that doesn’t feel quite right, family members that put you down when they shouldn’t or money worries that have you wondering about how to even pay bills (like me, when I least expected to drop $2K on a car and had to re-re-adjust finances to hope things settle OK). But it is OK. We all need help getting our minds back in order even if there is doubt about the direction in which we’re headed. At least we are moving away from the crap.

Like the little voice inside my head that wonderfully reminds me we all must still control that which we can control especially when it comes to eating and weight loss. “Don’t stress about the eating. You know what you’re doing. And it’s ok to say ‘I’m going to eat this because I know the consequences,’” while, at the same time, recognizing what I was doing and why. I set the expectation for myself. I had a crap-tastic day and I ate comfort food. But life goes on, and so must we all. See? I am moving away from the crap.

As we all get ready for the start of another week we need to harness these voices in our heads for ourselves and about ourselves. These will help us just keep going. You’ll do great, especially knowing you are moving further and further away from the bad things in life – the crap. Moving away from that mental “ick” makes me healthier and better, and when you move away from your mental “ick” it helps. Believe me it does.

I had many people reach out to me yesterday over this strange, futuristic light box called a computer and offer me wonderful and kind words to help me feel better. It did. And while the hugs and thoughts may be virtual, they still helped so, so much move away from the crap of Friday. I hope as we get ready to start a new week full of new stuff and possibilities I can offer that same virtual hug back. We are all in this together, going through it all at the same time in our own funky ways. And you are never alone, especially when it comes to losing weight while dealing with all this “ick.”

Happy mega-late-Wednesday night/super-duper early-Thursday morning, my friends.

Since I have to be in New York City Thursday morning for an appointment (I was lucky enough to get an opportunity to talk about the website and weight loss on the nationally-syndicated BetterTV), I decided to do tomorrow’s blog tonight. Er, or today’s blog yesterday. However you want to look at it. It feels kind of weird because I’m so used to getting up every morning, rolling back over when I see it’s earlier than I think, getting up again because it’s then later than I want, stretching and writing my daily weight loss blog post.

Yeah, I’m breaking up my routine. It happens from time to time to all of us. We get sick with a stomach bug that lays us up for days, or we travel out of town to visit a son’s graduation or we blow out our knees and have to take it easy to heal our joints and give them tender loving care. No matter what the circumstance, crap always happens and it’s during that time that a ripple effect occurs – when everything in our day gets thrown off, even eating, because of one tiny pebble thrown into the lake of our daily lives.

These past few days I have really taken advantage of detoxing from Coke to combine that with eating better and exercising to bring my weight down to a mere 12.5 pounds above my goal. But what makes me nervous is that having to get up early to beat New York traffic (o.k., NO ONE beats New York traffic but you know what I mean) to get to the TV studio on time means I have to throw off the rhythm of my day, including what and how I eat.

Sure I’m going to start out my day with my simple cup of coffee and fruit, like I always do, but having that be earlier than usual by a few hours, getting on the road, the increase of tension with less-than-agreeable other drivers, general nervousness and location all mean that the meals that follow may or may not get to be the healthiest I could have. Does New York have healthier food choices? Oh, yeah it does. But will I be close to any of them? I simply don’t know.

My brain tells me I’m being silly, that I know what I should and shouldn’t have and, therefore, won’t have it. I’ll wait until either a healthier choice pops up or wait until I return to good ol’ Cherry Hill, New Jersey for a morsel of din. But I know the rest of me better than that. I know the little devil that sometimes rules over my stomach which says “ah, go on. How often are you going to be in New York? Go to that Halal cart you like so much and get yourself a nice heaping plate of chicken and lamb, rice, pita and wash it all down with an ice-cold Co – “, er, you know, the soda that shall not be named.

So tomorrow, like it is so many times during a day or in a week, becomes a chance to flex some will (Bill) power and NOT put tempting foods in my mouth. No one forces me to eat bad foods no matter where I am. And that number on the scale IS coming down and I want it to keep coming down to re-reach my 225 pounds. So to help occupy my brain I’ll play a game I like to play especially during Oscar time – changing the names of television shows or movies into food-related pun names (kind of like the adult film industry does but much, much cleaner). Some I’ve already thought of are:

• Planet of the Grapes
• Pie Hard
• Family Pie
• Lord of the Onion Rings (One Onion Ring to Rule Them All)
• The Breakfast Club Sandwich
• The Codfather
• The French Toast Connection
• The Hunt for Bread October
• Hot Sub Time Machine
• Iron Manwich 2
• Chex and the City

I will be OK I’m sure of it, no matter whether I play a cheesy, geeky name game or not. And on Friday morning I will tell you guys all about the show, but most of all I’ll tell you how I didn’t give in to the smells and tastes of one of the greatest food cities on Earth.