Determined To Succeed

Ah. I am back and have survived another excursion to the Big Apple. I swear to God that city was, is and always will be the biggest, busiest and bad-ass-iest city EVER! And I don’t mean in just the sheer magnitude of its energy or the “enthusiasm” of its inhabitants (more on them later). No, I mean in the way it tempts with food, constantly and unapologetically.

I know I might be a bonehead for doing this but I like driving there from South Jersey. Sure it might be easier to take the train but I like being in my own little bubble both before I have to brave the big city and after, to help me wind down from it. It’s my “safe zone,” if you will, and on my way in I kept repeating to myself “I will not eat badly. I will not eat at the Halal cart. I will not eat a tremendous amount.” “Safe zone” bubbles are good for that kind of meditation, especially when you can meditate by yourself and not with hundreds of your best friends packed against you on a train that may or may not have the best odors.

I had five destinations to hit this time around and I knew I would be doing a fair amount of walking (something I was totally looking forward to doing as my exercise for the day), so I parked one block away from Destination One and, thus, began my day.

I swear, walking in New York City is an Olympic sport. Two reasons: one, most blocks in the city represent just a fraction of the addresses that other city streets do (i.e. a block in Chicago typically will jump from 100 to 200. In New York City, you can have one monster block have numbers 100 to 140, another block have 140 to 180 and a third that goes 180 – 200). Two, it’s a “kill or be killed” bloodsport walking there. You can get easily runover or rundown if you don’t match the “exuberant” pace of others, even if you go with the flow of foot traffic. That’s what makes walking in New York such great exercise – it’s lead, follow or get the hell out of the way. And if you don’t like it you can suck it.

This is exactly the reason I decided against a suit this time around and donned jeans, t-shirt, blazer (although that got ditched because it was so freaking hot) and my trusty Chuck Taylor Converse All-Stars. A trendy look, to be sure, but a practical one for hitting the streets hard.

After Destination One I knew I was in for it, as going from Destinations Two, Three and Four had me, literally, walking about five or so miles. From 57th and 5th to roughly 36th and 6th or 7th and back again. I don’t remember how many blocks it was (remember, blocks don’t have the same meaning they do in other towns) but it was a lot. And damn, it was hot. I knew I had to walk with purpose, too, and that made it even hotter. It was almost as if stopping for a red light was me taking a nap, then instantly waking up to run again. So when I tell you I downed a bottle of water in just a few gulps I am not exagerating. I did. I did, I tell you.

But then the inevitable happened. I was hungry. I knew I would have to stop somewhere to eat. But where? Remember when I said New York City was unapologetic in its food offerings? Well, it’s the only city I know of that has food carts on practically every corner, and those are positioned in front of other restaurants, some of whom sell the same types of Mediteranian food. Amazing and overwhelming at the same time. There are American restaurants, the best Jewish delis, fusions restaurants and Halal carts everywhere. You can get dizzy (or have a panic attack) just trying to figure out where to eat. But I knew I wanted to eat cheap AND satisfy my craving for the taste of the Halal. So I compromised and had a grilled chicken shish-kabob from one of the Halal carts.

Because I went to the Big Apple midday I hit everything right in terms of timing. Most of the food vendors were winding down from their “rush hours,” so I was able to walk up and order. I got no special sauce on it. I got no side of rice with it. Just the kabob, and another bigger bottle of water. As the chicken was cooking on the grill you could smell the flavoring in the steam. It was enough to whet anyone’s appetite and you bet your butt it sure did mine. I ate it on a hot dog bun. An interesting choice but a handy one since I didn’t want to impale my mouth on a pointy stick while walking like Bruce Jenner or Carl Lewis.

When I finished that and rested for a few minutes that’s when my energy began to dwindle. I knew I would be toast soon. I also knew Destination Five was too far to walk and I wanted to try (TRY!) to beat rush hour out of the City. So I got in my bubble, took care of bid-ness and set out home. Alas, I was later than I thought and I hit rush hour traffic at its worst – Broadway (a major thru-street) closed off with everyone being redirected and crammed into designated lanes to get to the tunnel.

I hate to sound cliche as I conclude but no trip to New York would be complete without either hearing or being involved in a verbal altercation of somekind. And yes, both happened to yours truly. For those who don’t know, if you “block the box” (have your car in any part of the intersection against your light making you block traffic) you are subject to fines and points on your license. Having seen, first hand, how NYC cops lie in wait to spring those traps there was no way in hell I was gonna “block the box.” But that pissed off some effing guy who offered me the most colorfully-metaphored (and enthusiastic) diatribe out his van window about how I should go back to so-and-so and quit driving so slowly, blah, blah. But that same ass-munch didn’t have to pay three (THREE!) parking tickets the last time he visited town so screw him and his freaking delivery truck. Then I heard two women, one pedestrian and one driver, go at it for the driver almost hitting the pedestrian even though the driver was in the intesection – blah, blah. It is cliche, I know, but it ads even more flavor to a city that is as wonderful as its food.

So yes, once back in my bubble (and safely back in New Jersey on the Turnpike) I breathed a sigh of relief. I survived the trip, culinarily speaking. My grilled chicken and water, and my speed-walking exercise helped me keep focused so I didn’t get tempted by the tasty rice, grilled pita bread, gyro meat, dirty water dogs (which I do like), pizzas, pastrami sandwiches and more in the City.

It is totally possible to focus and not be so consumed with food no matter how hard it is. It is hard for me, trust me. I love eating. And while it was tempting to eat, especially when one’s blood pressure is eleated (again thanks to the afore-mentioned ass-munch), it was me taking a bite out of the Big Apple and not the other way around.

Well, I’ve made it back from New York City and Book Expo America. I didn’t really know what to expect but I know I expected much more than actually happened. I thought there’d be agents, publicists and publishers just swarming in a little area waiting to fly to new authors like bees pollinating flowers. But noooooooooo, and that is OK. Everything is a learning experience, isn’t it? And I will get there one day. And there is one important thing I learned. When I am bored, scared, overwhelmed and feeling alone I want to eat. Here’s what happened…

It was just about 10:30 a.m. or so yesterday and I had already made my way around the gigantic Jacob Javits Convention Center once to get the lay of the land and I was feeling run down, a bit overwhelmed and sort of bored. So I found a quiet spot on the level just above the food court (that was by coincidence, by the way) and kind of put my head in my hands. Then it hit me – I wasn’t thinking anymore about “ok, what’s my next move at this event?” and “how can I try to get in front of these people?” No, my mind was wandering down one level to one or two of the restaurants I could see from my vantage point wondering what yummy goodness they were already serving up.

“Dammit!” I said to myself. “It’s only 10:30 a.m. and I’m hungry?!”

I then got to thinking about it all. I was out of my comfort zone. I was in a huge place feeling quite small and insecure. I didn’t know anybody so I was feeling alone. I was disappointed I didn’t get to do what I had gone there to do. I wanted to give up. That is exactly when the demon comes for me telling me to eat, and it’s a pretty powerful demon. It sits down next to me and tells me that it will be comforting to fill my belly with something so I don’t feel so alone, that eating will give me purpose when I felt I had none. Eating would make it all better.

It was then I raised my head slightly and realized I wasn’t alone at all. My demon had followed me to the Big Apple and it was trying its best to get me to go back to the old ways. I looked around at all the people walking around in their badges – some with notepads, others with cell phones – looking like they all had purpose, and way more purpose than me. It felt pretty crappy. But I knew if I gave in and listened to my demon I would have felt crappier. Just because I didn’t have meetings set up or didn’t know anybody was no reason to just start shoveling food into my mouth. I was better than that. I am better than that, and worth more than that no matter what kind of situation I’m in.

So unbeknownst to the people sitting to my left (a woman who seemed annoyed she had to share her temporary desk/bench space with me – hell she should have seen my wide load at 400 pounds) and my right (another guy, flipping through pages in a notebook, jotting reminders to himself while looking at his iPhone to see his next appointment) I bade good-bye to that demon. I sent him on his way.I was going to have lunch, that was fer sure (like totally) but I was going to do it on my terms, in my own time and in my own way.

What tricks the mind can play on oneself never ceases to amaze me, and I almost gave in to it. But I waited and did what I knew my mom, JoAnn, would have done, and what I have done on many occasions – just struck up conversation with people. Who knew? They could have been agents? Why did I do this? Because it’s o.k. to say “hi. I’m a stranger in a strange land and I don’t know anyone. Can you help me?” When you do that you take the power away from your demons and give it back to yourself. You start finding your own path and your own way through a situation. And it feels better.

I eventually did make my way to the food court but I waited until one o’clock to do so (when I was legitimately hungry). Wow, that was an overwhelming experience, too. Throngs of people all swarming around the too-few tables like angry bees out of the hive. I look around at my food choices. They had Soul Food world, Burger and Fries World, Italian Food World…and all for hefty (WAY TOO HEFTY) prices. I ended up at Hot and Cold World for a turkey and pastrami sandwich on rye (I was in New York and had a taste for deli), a bag of chips and a bottle of Coca-Cola. An ice-cold bottle of Coca-Cola. What can I say? I needed a small taste of comfort to get me through the rest of the day.

I may not be perfect but as a great, great man who belted out one of the City’s great anthems – Francis Albert Sinatra – once sang (and I like closing the blog in song)…

“I did it myyyyyyyyyyy waaaaaaayyyyyyyy.”

Hey there, my friends. First I have to say I am so sorry about yesterday. I do not know who that drunk guy was who hijacked my computer and started telling stories about me drinking and carrying on and such at – what do you young people call it – a party.

Alright, alright. You caught me. That was me, and I have to say that after taking my medicine, literally and figuratively, I am back from the undead and back to form (at least I have most of my mental faculties back with no pounding headache). As for the rest of yesterdayI think I ate OK. I had a chicken sandwich for lunch and a turket burger for dinner (they both sounded good to my rehabbing brain). I just have to keep this good eating momentum going as I get ready to tackle me day in New York. Yep, once again I find myself in New York City, The Big Apple, the city that never sleeps, for Book Expo America, the nation’s largest – you guessed it – book fair, where hundreds of agents, publishers and authors gather to tout and find the next “big thing.”

However, between walking the walk and talking the talk I am worried about what they will have to eat at this thing. Sure, there is a food court but I know I will want to eat healthier than that. Hmmmmm. I guess I will find out when I get there.

I think of it as the little angel on one shoulder and the little devil on the other.  I know my workout today is going to be walking the floor of the Jacob Javtz trying to schmooze people, something that could potentially burn me lots of calories. That is the angel. Making the most out of the situation. Knowing I will get in a workout through walking and trying to eat as best I can.

But I know lately I have been distracted, nervous, worried, anxious and concerned about life. And when that happens I stress eat and it’s those calories that offset the calories I burn. That is the little devil. The little one who will tempt me to eat badly today at the convention because I am in need of comfort being a stranger in a strange land…and that I’ll be ”walking it all off.”

And there you have it. It is the eternal struggle. Good vs. Evil. Bad against Good. Healthy foods vs. crap. But despite the constant back and forth I think I find a decent half-way ground between the two. I have tried so hard to be Zen about things lately and I know I will win this ongoing “Battle of the Final Ten.” I just need to eat better and exercise. It’s what’s gotten me to this point and I ain’t stopping now.

Of course I will fill you guys in on what I eat and do (and work off). Just keep your fingers crossed for me. That the little angel wins tomorrow and I don’t get too tempted to visit the food court or my fave Halal cart.

If I haven’t said this before, I am so glad you are all out there. Knowing you are helps me so, so much to stay good. It also helps my angel’s wings take flight and puts my little devil right where he belongs – hanging off to the side by his horns deflated and defeated…that is until the next time the two meet on the field of battle. Me.

Happy mega-late-Wednesday night/super-duper early-Thursday morning, my friends.

Since I have to be in New York City Thursday morning for an appointment (I was lucky enough to get an opportunity to talk about the website and weight loss on the nationally-syndicated BetterTV), I decided to do tomorrow’s blog tonight. Er, or today’s blog yesterday. However you want to look at it. It feels kind of weird because I’m so used to getting up every morning, rolling back over when I see it’s earlier than I think, getting up again because it’s then later than I want, stretching and writing my daily weight loss blog post.

Yeah, I’m breaking up my routine. It happens from time to time to all of us. We get sick with a stomach bug that lays us up for days, or we travel out of town to visit a son’s graduation or we blow out our knees and have to take it easy to heal our joints and give them tender loving care. No matter what the circumstance, crap always happens and it’s during that time that a ripple effect occurs – when everything in our day gets thrown off, even eating, because of one tiny pebble thrown into the lake of our daily lives.

These past few days I have really taken advantage of detoxing from Coke to combine that with eating better and exercising to bring my weight down to a mere 12.5 pounds above my goal. But what makes me nervous is that having to get up early to beat New York traffic (o.k., NO ONE beats New York traffic but you know what I mean) to get to the TV studio on time means I have to throw off the rhythm of my day, including what and how I eat.

Sure I’m going to start out my day with my simple cup of coffee and fruit, like I always do, but having that be earlier than usual by a few hours, getting on the road, the increase of tension with less-than-agreeable other drivers, general nervousness and location all mean that the meals that follow may or may not get to be the healthiest I could have. Does New York have healthier food choices? Oh, yeah it does. But will I be close to any of them? I simply don’t know.

My brain tells me I’m being silly, that I know what I should and shouldn’t have and, therefore, won’t have it. I’ll wait until either a healthier choice pops up or wait until I return to good ol’ Cherry Hill, New Jersey for a morsel of din. But I know the rest of me better than that. I know the little devil that sometimes rules over my stomach which says “ah, go on. How often are you going to be in New York? Go to that Halal cart you like so much and get yourself a nice heaping plate of chicken and lamb, rice, pita and wash it all down with an ice-cold Co – “, er, you know, the soda that shall not be named.

So tomorrow, like it is so many times during a day or in a week, becomes a chance to flex some will (Bill) power and NOT put tempting foods in my mouth. No one forces me to eat bad foods no matter where I am. And that number on the scale IS coming down and I want it to keep coming down to re-reach my 225 pounds. So to help occupy my brain I’ll play a game I like to play especially during Oscar time – changing the names of television shows or movies into food-related pun names (kind of like the adult film industry does but much, much cleaner). Some I’ve already thought of are:

• Planet of the Grapes
• Pie Hard
• Family Pie
• Lord of the Onion Rings (One Onion Ring to Rule Them All)
• The Breakfast Club Sandwich
• The Codfather
• The French Toast Connection
• The Hunt for Bread October
• Hot Sub Time Machine
• Iron Manwich 2
• Chex and the City

I will be OK I’m sure of it, no matter whether I play a cheesy, geeky name game or not. And on Friday morning I will tell you guys all about the show, but most of all I’ll tell you how I didn’t give in to the smells and tastes of one of the greatest food cities on Earth.

Happy Tuesday, everybody. I have to say I’m feeling far more Zen today and am much better about all things food. Yesterday I was all down because Sunday I had an order of egg foo young which drove up my weight by a pound. And you know how long it can take re-losing a pound vs. how easy it is adding it on. Today I feel better because – well – I just do. That order of Chinese, and the subsequent pound I gained, reminded me to relax a bit and take things in stride. The pound I gained was going to happen and I knew I would get back on track to lose it – which I did.

How did I start? I simply started by making a pledge to myself I was going to be better about eating yesterday. Then, like TV stations used to, I signed on and started my food broadcast day. For breakfast I had my cup of Kashi Cereal (I really love that stuff) and skim milk. Then, for a snack, I had a yogurt and cheese stick. For lunch I had a baked chicken Lean Cuisine. Then for an afternoon snack I had another yogurt and a Clementine orange. Finally, for dinner, I had spaghetti and meat sauce. Not only did I eat much better I felt better about myself, too.

Today is going to be a bit of a challenge, though. I will be in New York City attending a conference for the next few days. And what does that mean? Having to be extra careful and diligent about what I eat and how much of it I eat. The last time I was there I found a damned-delicious Halal cart where I went for a huge lunch of lamb meat and chicken with rice, lettuce and tomato. I also had them put on the Tzatziki Yogurt sauce as well as a bit of (the hottest) hot sauce for the chicken. It was amazing and very cheap. It wasn’t the healthiest thing I could have had and I need to make sure, while there, I do my best not to partake in that fried deliciousness too much.

I am so glad I packed my ever-trusty clementine oranges to snack on. I will so need them and my memory of that egg foo yuck, especially as the smells from the Halal cart waft their way to my nostrils and program my brain to want more…

If you ever find yourself in New York City head on over to Greenwich Village. Nestled within it’s eclectic streets is a wonderful little Italian restaurant called Palma. It was there I had one of the best meals I’ve had in a long time.

It started with cheesy artichoke appetizers, fried cheese balls, meatballs (the best appetizer of the bunch) and roasted cauliflower. Great tasting but other places have served fried cheese balls before.

But then I had a culinary revelation, the reason I am making this “worth the splurge.” I was next treated to a sampling fresh ravioli pasta stuffed with both butternut squash and Bolognese “gravy.” Each one was out of this world. These little pasta delights (you get about 5 ravioli per plate) is well worth the calories. The tastes of the Bolognese inside the pasta topped off with a cheesier sauce was incredible.

Finally, for dessert (or desert as it as printed on the receipt after) I tasted a creme brûlée made with figs and a ricotta cheesecake. Decadent, amazing and worth every calorie.

Like I’ve said before eating like this is a treat, to be sure. But if you find yourself in an “Empire State of Mind” check out the ravioli at Palma. You won’t regret it.

Hey there, my friends. Today’s blog is gonna be short and sweet as I am getting ready to hop in a car and head to New York City. And with the “impending storm” the east is supposed to get again I’ll be spending the night there, too.

OK, I’m gonna let the cat out of the bag. The reason I am headed to New York City is to tape a segment for the 100th episode of the Dr. Oz show. I am thrilled they thought my weight loss story was good enough for the show which focuses on people who have lost over 100 lbs.

I’m also hoping to tell the world about this website, DETERMINEDTOSUCCEED.COM. It really is my goal to help people in every way I can to lose weight and do it being healthy and happy. I may not be trained in any way but I know I like food, I know I’m human and I knew if I didn’t lose weight I was not gonna live (or live well) later in life.

Problem is, I am a nervous eater and I nervously ate last night and am nervously hungry today. However, I was smart yesterday. While I had a Lean Cuisine for lunch, some chili and Wawa salad for dinner I snacked on bowls of cereal instead of acting on my fast food instinct. So I consider it a victory. Should I have eaten at all? No. But at least I had healthier cereal and milk instead of a 600-calorie Whopper with Cheese, fries and a Coke.

I just need to keep my healthier, thinner wits about me today as I tackle the Big Apple. Is the prospect of being on national TV a powerful motivator to not gorge myself? Hell yes. But that doesn’t mean I’m not human and don’t WANT to. But I packed my workout clothes and hopefully the hotel has a gym in which I can burn off the need for beef fried rice, Milky Way bars and Cokes.

I will give you guys a full report after tomorrow, Wednesday. That is when we tape the show. Today I just head in to record an audio piece that will be used later. Can you tell I’m a bit nervous? I feel like I’m just rambling…

…oh, which reminds me I have to pack some clementines on which to snack. I don’t want to actually take a bite out of that Big Apple and they’re a far better and healthier than anything I’m sure the hotel will carry in their mini-store.

While I wouldn’t say I fell completely off the bandwagon yesterday I must say I wasn’t the best I could be either.

Yesterday I attended One Day University, a one day series of lectures done by great guest speakers (except for the last guy who was awful) in New York City. I attended because I thought it would be great way to expand knowledge, network a bit and get some wonderful information for the website and my column. And I was right.

But it also led me down a strange food path yesterday and something of a food hangover today.

For starters, when I met people there we all started with breakfast which is weakness number one. Especially when it’s a delicious food buffet filled with french toast, eggs and bacon. I threw in a view grilled veggies (two tomato slices and a few asparagus pieces) to add some “health” to the meal. The positives in this were 1) I didn’t help myself to seconds at the all-you-can-eat buffet which is huge for me (no pun intended) and 2) I didn’t fill my plate up greatly and like I used to.

The days programming went on and it then came time for lunch, for which hundreds (at least) of people all used the same forty minutes (JUST FORTY MINUTES) to cram down lunch and get back to “class.”So sitting at the lunch table we all tried to be healthy and order lighter things. However when we asked the waiter what would be the quickest he said the burgers as the burger cook was moving fast. As there were only 20 minutes left in “lunch” we took him up on it. Grrrrr. Not only did I eat fries and a burger (which I have to say was decent) but I only had two bites of it before rushing back to class which I was almost late for.

It really did feel like college again. On the floor of the next class I finished my burger, wolfing it down in the most collegiate (unhealthy) way.

Dinner was amazing. We all ate at an Italian place in Greenwich Village and it was one of the best meals I’ve had in a long time. It started with cheesy artichoke appetizers, fried cheese balls, meatballs (the best appetizer of the bunch) and roasted cauliflower. Yum. Then I had a sampling fresh ravioli pasta stuffed with both butternut squash and bolognese “gravy.” Out of this world (which will be one of my next “Worth The Splurge” articles).  For dessert (or desert as it was printed on the receipt after) we all split a creme brûlée made with figs and a ricotta cheesecake. Decadent, amazing and worth every calorie.

As I was driving back yesterday I got myself a Coke. To fight off a case of food coma sleepy and  because I was so full I needed to settle my stomach. It was so fun I also had strange dreams best left to someone else’s dream analysis blog

Was I happy when I got on my scale today? Hell no. I gained back two pounds so I am back up to 239.5.  But I will make up for it today with better diet and exercise. You betcha. I will let you guys know what I eat today in tomorrow’s blog.

And even though I ate too much I knew it was too much and that’s the point. KNOWING it’s too much. KNOWING I need to get back to a better, healthier way of eating AND exercise. KNOWING to get back to a routine. That is an awesome feeling. This weight loss journey has changed my life and totally for the better as I now know what to do and when and I carry that with me for the rest of my life.