Determined To Succeed

It’s usually not my style to be a bummer on weekends, especially since I have taken to writing just one blog to cover both Saturday and Sunday, but I learned of something rather disturbing and I wanted to share it with you.

The Chicago Sun-Times media wire has reported that a woman with a history of obesity died Thursday after collapsing at a popular eatery in Oak Lawn. Cheryl Varnado-Turner, 44, of 7259 S. Seeley Ave., collapsed at the Portillos restaurant in Oak Lawn and was pronounced dead at 5:59 p.m. Thursday, according to a Cook County Medical Examiner’s spokeswoman. Varnado-Turner has a history of obesity, the spokeswoman said. An autopsy determined Varnado-Turner died of coronary atherosclerosis and dilated cardiomyopathy, and her death was ruled natural.

I learned of this story from a dear friend of mine in Chicago and it really disturbed me on a few levels.

One – The original article didn’t list the name of the restaurant which is weird given that most stories  pull info from the police reports. I knew it was Portillos because my friend told me (she’s from that area). I’ve eaten and enjoyed many-a-meal from Portillos. It’s the place I keep telling you guys about with the delicious Italian Beef sandwiches and Chicago-style hot dogs. I’ve eaten Portillos hot dogs for years, particularly from their downtown Chicago location, and have been guilty of DUIPHD (driving under the influence of Portillos hot dogs).  Shame on the Sun-Times news wire for not saying the name of the place and for giving people enough credit to know it wasn’t their food that killed this woman (but more on that later) but her bad health.

Two – I did that kind of eating at 400 pounds and this woman’s tragic end could have been my own. It could have been me who died in this restaurant, or any restaurant, particularly the Chinese food restaurant I love. I still eat what I want but when I was that weight all it would have taken was one egg roll, hot dog, burger, Italian Beef, or stick of carrot to push me over the edge.

Three – Why is this news? The story made me mad because I doubt a story would have even been written if the woman was thin. It’s because this woman was obese and just happened to pass away in a fast food restaurant that it was news worthy, which leads me even more to think Portillos wanted to disassociate itself not from a tragedy but from obesity since so many fast food chains are feeling the backlash of the obesity epidemic in America. Again shame on the paper for not saying the name but also shame on Portillos for that disassociation.

I understand how easy it is for people, thin people in particular, to misinterpret and misunderstand this situation. I can see how they’d think it’s 100% lack of eating self control without even giving a thought to whether or not  it is sometimes the emotional side driving that eating, or a medical issue, etc.  Many people, yours truly included, don’t use tobacco, alcohol or drugs when bad things happen. We chose food. I still choose food sometimes. I am an emotional eater. It’s not that I don’t have self-control it’s that I eat when I am frustrated or scared or have anxiety. However now I try to do the right things – exercise, eat properly and recognize when I am weak.

It so could have been me.

Do not get me wrong, though. This story also disturbs me because this woman had to have known Portillos wasn’t the best choice for food. O.K., that was a nice way of saying she should have known better (if, indeed, it was just about overeating/eating bad foods and not an undisclosed health or injury problem). If you read this blog you know I firmly believe that we have a responsibility to ourselves as big people to “own the problem” we have. We are obese and we should do something about it instead of waiting for others to solve it for us. But nooooo, thanks to infomercials and other faster, quicker options we get snookered into thinking our weight issues can be solved by others and without the hard work of changing a diet for the better and exercising. It is hard work and it does take time…period.

I am sad for this woman and her family today, not just because they lost a loved one and a woman lost her life but for the ways in which this story will be interpreted. On one hand, some will say “see, she got what she deserved being that big.” And others will say “wow, I need to do something so I don’t end up like that.” And on this weekend I sincerely hope someone of size sees this story and thinks the latter and it helps save a life or two.

This way, Cheryl didn’t die in vain or as a joke like Elvis and his fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches on the toilet. People need and deserve more dignity than that.

Happy Monday, everyone. Did you all have a good weekend? I have to say my weekend was good, and yes, I resisted food temptations and did exercise (even though the temps have consistently been in the 90s and continue to be so). I even resisted the awesomely wonderful smell of movie popcorn and had a Coke Zero (COKE ZERO – BAH!). I wanted a regular Coca-Cola so bad but I resisted, trying so hard to be good. It seems the food binge of a week ago cured me, at least temporarily, of eating like that again.

I woke up kind of late this morning (something that’s getting to be an annoying habit) and realized I have a speaking engagement to do this evening. I always feel pretty natural in front of crowds or on TV but I always feel the excitement, anxiousness and anticipation of speaking in front of a group, especially when weight loss is the subject.

Losing weight is truly one of the most personal things I have ever done and sometimes it hurts to remember and talk about things associated with my weight gain because a lot of it has to do with my mom and how we lived. I think back to when I was a fat kid and how all we had in the house was crap to eat. The guilt comes when I think about stuff like that because my mom, JoAnn, always did her absolute best to keep a roof over our heads and food in our tummies. For that I will always love you, Mama, and thank you. It wasn’t the best food but it was food, however it is part of what made me a fat kid.

It is especially alarming when you see how my personal story matches up with data just released in June in the report “F as in Fat: How Obesity Threatens America’s Future 2010.” Adult obesity rates increased in 28 states in the past year, and declined only in the District of Columbia (D.C.), according to the report from the Trust for America’s Health (TFAH) and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation (RWJF). More than two-thirds of states (38) have adult obesity rates above 25 percent. In 1991, no state had an obesity rate above 20 percent.

That’s a helluva way to wake up on a Monday morning.

The report also highlights troubling racial, ethnic, regional and income disparities in the nation’s obesity epidemic. For instance, adult obesity rates for Blacks and Latinos were higher than for Whites in at least 40 states and the District of Columbia; 10 out of the 11 states with the highest rates of obesity were in the South — with Mississippi weighing in with highest rates for all adults (33.8 percent) for the sixth year in a row; and 35.3 percent of adults earning less than $15,000 per year were obese compared with 24.5 percent of adults earning $50,000 or more per year.

To put this into personal terms, and from what I remember from my mom’s paycheck, she earned an estimated $19,200 a year. Wow. That’s the first time I did that math in my head and figured out how up-against-it we were in terms of income, bills and health. Of course being lower income we were heavier. All the foods we could afford were bad-for-you foods but foods we could get to carry us from one week to the next.

It was what we had, but it helped make me fat. That is part of the vicious circle. That is part of my guilt in talking about it. But I have never hidden from it and have always been honest with you about things like that. How can I when nearly one-third of children and teens are obese or overweight. I am trying my best to help in any way I can and say we have to do better.

I am lucky, I know that. I am lucky because I bottomed out and realized I had to do something. I am lucky because I had support doing it. I am lucky because I now know my triggers and can stop myself if needs be. Not everyone has that. Some people have others, even loved ones or family members, trying to sabotage them. And some people unfortunately just don’t have safe places to play or workout and can’t afford healthier food.

Tonight when I speak to this group I’m going to do what I always do…tell my story and hope it helps inspire people to lose weight or others in their lives to lose weight. I wish, though, I could send money via Western Union to me and my mom way back then. Like instead of sending it anywhere in the world I would send it anywhen so I could help us out. I always wanted to help my mom, she worked so hard. I guess the only thing I can do now is honor her by staying as healthy as I can.

It’s not easy at all resisting the smell of warm, buttered popcorn popping in a theater lobby before a movie. Hell, it’s part of the movie going experience. But when you consider how many calories are in that popcorn, and how many people (including yours truly) are overweight and eating that stuff, choices at the concession stands are made simpler.

I want to be around for a good long time, no matter how jarring waking up on Mondays can be.

They say ignorance is bliss and I totally agree.

Take for example celebrities like that ultimate asshole Mel Gibson, whose tirade against his girlfriend – laced with racial epithets – showed the darkest sides of human beings. Who would have ever known he was one of the biggest angry, sexist racists on the planet? Not only has he offended Jews, Blacks, women and Hispanics but he is also a misogynist of the worst degree who will never again receive one thin dime of my money or one fleeting minute of my time watching anything he is a part of.

Sad to say that extends to films so much a part of my movie-going past (”Lethal Weapon,” Mad Max”) but who cares. I ain’t going to patronize someone or something that has, at it’s core, evil. Was I better off not knowing about this side of him? Debatable. On one side I could still have those wonderful movie memories of him saving his black best friend, Danny Glover from racists in “Lethal Weapon 2″ (oh, irony, I feel thy sting), him challenging Tina Turner to the ultimate road rage duel in “Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome” or him talking about freedom in “Braveheart.” Hell, I would also still be cherishing the moment I actually met him years ago when he was out promoting “The Passion of the Christ.” On the other, I would rather know so that I no longer line his pockets with my money – money he is obviously using to further his own hatred.

That said, I can say the same about the restaurant chain Friendly’s. In all the hype over KFC’s Double Down sandwich (the infamous one that features two fried chicken patties as bread to bacon, cheese and a “special sauce”) I didn’t hear much about Friendly’s new monstrosity that makes the Double Down look like diet food. It’s called the Ultimate Grilled Cheese Burger Melt and it replaces the traditional bun with two grilled cheese sandwiches and totals – sit down for this one – 1,500 calories!!!!

Holy crap!!!! Are they kidding me? Are they kidding us all? The answer is no. This is a real menu item that, sad to say is three times the caloric intake of a KFC Double Down. In other words I COULD EAT THREE KFC DOUBLE DOWNS TO EQUAL ONE ULTIMATE GRILLED CHEESE BURGER MELT! Who in the hell thought of having grilled cheese sandwiches (delicious by themselves, just one of them, with a cup of tomato soup) serve as bread to a burger?! This during a time when obesity rates have increased in 28 states over the past year. In Pennsylvania and Delaware, 28 percent of adults are obese, in New Jersey the number is 24 percent.

Egads! I know that restaurants are not in the business to make people healthy by policing what we as consumers choose to eat. They are in the business to make money by offering “foods” that appeal to people, younger people especially while not necessarily keeping you guys aware of how bad these things are for you. Like that dirty little secret a certain actor had been hiding all these years, taking our money while we consumed his “talent.” Well, my friends, just check out the “talent” of the Ultimate Grilled Cheese Burger Melt:

1500 Calories
870 Fat Calories
79g Total Fat
38g Saturated Fat
180g Cholesterol
2090mg Sodium
101g Carbs
9g Dietary Fiber
4g Sugar
54g Protein

That is horrendous! And believe me when I tell you THAT’S NOT THE WORST THING ON THEIR MENU! Don’t believe me? Check out Friendly’s Mushroom Swiss Bacon Burger, Loaded Waffle Fries or their “Create Your Own” Chicken Strips Entree. Their menu can be found by CLICKING HERE. See for yourself how heinous this place is.

I am not saying that every restaurant chain doesn’t have their own dark and dirty menu secrets. They do, I am sure of it. But that’s why I do my best not to have them. One of the coolest things the State of New Jersey did was compel all chains to actively display (both drive-thru and in-restaurant) basic nutritional info so you can make more educated choices about what we consume.

Was it better not knowing how much sodium was in Friendly’s Loaded Waffle Fries? Debatable. I loved ‘em and they were a great snack food. But now that I know that they have over 4,720 mgs of sodium I will not ever let Friendly’s receive one thin dime of my money or one fleeting minute of my time eating or indulging in anything they are a part of.

When restaurant chains create foods that “one-up” another chain’s food by simply making it bigger and nastier, like Hollywood blockbuster movies in the summer movie season, it’s time to say no more. I will not consume what you are throwing out there just because it’s out there.

That goes for you, too, Mel Gibson. You and Friendly’s are dead to me.

P.S.: Unlike the KFC Double Down which I tried to take a bullet for our team, I sure as hell won’t be doing that for this new Friendly’s concoction. Not in a million years. I’d rather see another Mel Gibson movie first.

There are certain songs that will live forever. FOREVER, I tell you. Songs that make you tap your toes, chair dance in your car (c’mon, you know you do that from time to time) and sing along to when they come on the radio (or “shuffle” play on your iPod).

One of those songs for me is from what is arguably the greatest soundtrack ever, “Saturday Night Fever.” On that record (CD, MP3 download…whatever you kids call your new-fangled listening device of choice these days) is “Night Fever” by the Bee Gees. It has been well-over thirty years since that soundtrack was released and I still don’t quite know what Barry Gibb (the bearded one) is saying/singing in his high falsetto disco anthem. Hell, when I try to “sing” the damn thing all I end up doing is trying to imitate the high-pitched notes not sing the lyrics. I don’t even think dogs can hear singing that high. But tt’s fun, goofy and cheesy, like me. It’s got a great beat and I can dance to it. I give it an 87.

But something struck me last night as I ate a pretty late dinner – I have an eating problem. I’m a night eater. So sing it with me. “Night eater, night eat-tah. He’s got a way to chew it…”

Seriously, though, night eating is a problem for me. Even when I eat dinner at a reasonable hour there is something in my head that makes me want to eat late at night. I’m not even really that hungry. I just want to eat something. Anything. It could be chips, granola bars, ice-cream (which is deadly), leftovers, a Lean Cuisine, cookie, fries, bagel, cinnamon roll…anything. If it’s within reach, it better watch out ’cause I’m gonna boogie my way over to it, do the Tony Manero finger-pointy dance thingie, grab it and consume it.

But that can be bad, very, very bad, for two reasons.

One, according to Martica Heaner, M.A., M.Ed., some research has shown that way that that food calories are distributed may affect hunger—and that, in turn, could affect weight gain. A 1999 study in the journal Appetite found that when lean, healthy men spread their meals evenly throughout the day—as opposed to eating larger meals more infrequently—they were less hungry. Other studies have shown that people who skip breakfast, or who delay eating earlier in the day, are more likely to binge later.

Going for long periods without eating creates a state where the body is low on fuel. Metabolism may slow to preserve energy, and the body may be more sensitive to the calories that come later—it may be more likely to store those calories as fat and not use them. Irregular eating usually leads to eating larger meals to make up for the energy deficit. A big meal may overload the body’s capacity to use those calories, and the extra may be more likely to be stored as fat.

Irregular eating is probably more of a problem than night eating. People who skip breakfast often shift their caloric intake to later in the day, eating the majority of their daily calories at night. Many obese people (like moi) display eating behaviors that often involve skipping breakfast (something I have been truly guilty of in the past). Further, since the body slows down in the evening, calories consumed at night may be more likely to be stored rather than used. Not only is a person less active, but all cells operate according to fluctuations in their patterns of activity throughout a 24-hour period. Body processes—such as gut motility in digestion or the absorption of nutrients from food—also seem to operate on a kind of body clock showing decreased activity at night.

Very interestink (said using a very bad German accent).

Two, eating late gives me weird dreams, man. I mean weird (but that’s a whole other blog for a whole other day)

So how can I (and you) curb being a “night eater, night eat-tah…?” Let’s all try these simple steps:

• Most people try to eat too few calories during the day only to binge late at night. Eat 3 good meals during the day with 1 or 2 between meal snacks. Eating more frequent, smaller meals will prevent you from feeling hungry throughout the day. And if you’re eating fiber and proteins and drinking enough water, you’ll actually feel fuller for longer periods of time and will not have the urge to snack so often. Here’s a sample eating schedule you (and I) can adopt:

1. 7:00 a.m. – Eat breakfast
2. 10:00 a.m. – Eat a light snack
3. 12:00 p.m. – Eat lunch
4. 4:00 p.m. – Eat a another snack
5. 7:00 p.m. – Eat a small dinner with a treat

• A good insurance policy is to eat most of your calories before 6 PM. Generally, the rule of the thumb is to not eat anything within 3 hours of your bedtime. And, if you must eat, then eat something healthy like a piece of fruit or a very small handful of nuts.
• When you feel the urge to eat late at night, try drinking 2 or more cups of water. You can also make a cup of herbal tea sweeten with honey or artificial sugar. Hot liquids have a soothing effect on emotions and appetite.
• Remind yourself that it’s normal to feel hungry late and that night eating, night eat-ting comes from habitually eating late. Breaking this habit is like learning to quit smoking. Remind yourself of your weight loss goal and one of the keys to losing this weight is to STOP late night eating. The temptation to snack late at night will not be as great if you don’t give into the urge for several weeks.
• Much late night eating after dinner can be avoided by hiding the junk food. Put foods that you’re prone to eat late at night out of sight. Better yet, don’t buy junk food at all and keep healthier snacks in da houze.
• Tell yourself to “suck it!” Suck on hard candy. Most hard candy have only a few calories and they give you the satisfaction of snacking.
• Keep a written copy of your eating diary (if you keep one) in view, which will keep your goal of losing weight firmly fixed in your mind.
• Some people have great success by simply brushing their teeth late at night. This method has been known to curb late night eating for many people.
• The most vulnerable time for eating late is 1 hour after dinner right up to bedtime. Keep your life interesting by working on a favorite hobby (like Disco dancing, or finding out what the hell Barry Gibb is actually singing when he sings “Night Fever“) and NOT watching TV. The ads on TV can subconsciously trigger the impulse to eat. Boredom is your biggest danger to late night eating.

That’s it. I start my Tuesday a half-pound up from yesterday (grrrrrr). But, as I am always fond of saying “I will work it off,” and I will. And later on,  when it gets to be about the time I lay my head down to sleep I’ll I will keep these tips in mind…

…especially the one about occupying one’s mind with other things, for I would rather have a Bee Gees song stuck in my head all night rather than stuff my face and gain weight back.

When I was growing up I was one of my class’ fat kids. I was also taller than most kids so I stood out more and kids can be utterly merciless when it comes to picking on someone NOT their own size. I remember being called “tubby,” “Buffalo Bill,” “fatso…” you name it. I was also physically bullied as a kid. This one kid, Frank, and his prick friend (I don’t remember his name but I’m sure he’ll burn in Hell) cornered me one day in the winter after school, grabbed me, threw me down, took my school supplies and chucked them over the school yard fence. Luckily they were in my nifty Aquaman case or I would have been playing 52-pencil, pen and crayon pick-up all afternoon. Then there was Eddie, who picked on me as I stood my post as a school crossing guard. He bullied me until I faked having a disease and being really hurt by him punching me. Then he got too scared and backed off. There was this other kid whose name I can’t remember. Andrew, I think, or Andre -whatever. Anyhow, it was lunchtime and he tried grabbing me from behind and shoving his chicken bone down my throat. Luckily I had the sense to fight and simply keep my mouth closed because I don’t even think that bastard realized I could have choked to death (coincidentally, he will join the afore-mentioned  prick friend of Frank in Hell).

Yes, as sure as the sun rises each day in the east, kids who don’t look or act like other kids we are singled out for ridicule, especially when overweight. Dr. Julie Lumeng, an assistant research scientist at the Center for Human Growth and Development at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, has authored a study whose data were just released online May 3 (and will be published in the  June issue of Pediatrics) that suggests just being overweight increases the risk of being bullied by 63 percent. And factors that usually play a role in the risk of being bullied, such as gender, race and family income, don’t seem to matter if you’re overweight — being overweight or obese trumps all those other factors when it comes to aggressive behavior from other children (no shit).

She added that researchers also hoped they might be able to find some protective factors against a bully, such as doing well in school. “What we found, much to our dismay, was that nothing seemed to matter. If you were obese, you were more likely to be bullied, no matter what,” she said (again, I say, no shit. Hell, you get picked on for being smart, too. Like having the double-whammy of being a tubby and being a “poindexter”).

And this isn’t new news. In May 2004, Ian Janssen, an obesity researcher at Queens University in Kingston, Ontario, released data that showed overweight adolescents are more likely than normal-weight children to be victims and perpetrators of bullying, bolstering evidence that being fat endangers emotional as well as physical health. The results in a study of 5,749 Canadian youngsters echoed data from British research and followed a U.S. study published in 2003 in which obese children rated their quality of life as low as young cancer patients’ because of teasing and weight-related health problems.

You’ve heard me talk about the perfect storm of factors that led to me being an obese child – not enough money to afford better, healthier foods, not learning proper portion control and lack of exercise. But I’ve neglected to correlate how being picked on can start that comfort food cycle at such a young age and how it carries into and through adulthood. Yes, adults can be and are victims of bullying, too, in the work place, at home, or even in the neighborhood bar.

People who are on a weight loss journey know they have weight to lose. It doesn’t matter whether it’s five pounds or fifty, we know we have a journey ahead of us. And it’s F&$#@*G hard enough getting that weight off and keeping it off without the words or actions of people bullying us or putting us down. Because when we’re sad we are prone to revert to actions we don’t want or need, like eating and over-eating or giving up and not exercising.

There is nothing wrong, though, with standing up and saying “piss off” to a bully and it feels damn good standing up and saying “I am bettering myself by losing weight.” I don’t know what the ultimate answer is to solving the bully problem. It’s been around forever and will be for decades to come. But as our kids become more and more obese and until such time we can reverse this almost epidemic trend the need for a watchful eye and swift action becomes necessary, both in school and home, if for no other reason than to help save a child’s self-image, self-esteem and overall emotional health.

People always pick on the easiest thing to pick on – someone’s physical attributes. However, I wish people would realize how early that vicious circle actually starts and, moreover, how words and actions really hurt people…and their battles to lose weight.

Sorry this was so late today but I was in a quandry.

I’m going to sound like an old fogie (is that even how it’s spelled?) but I don’t know how to relate to kids these days. Well, I do and I don’t. Last week you heard me talking about a website and technology conference I attended in New York and, while there, I got a wonderful idea to try to help kids who might have weight loss issues through information and resources on my website.

However, the more I delved into the “what” of it all (like what kind of content to have, etc.) I realized I don’t exactly know how to reach kids these days. When I was a fat kid it was the late 70s/early 80s. There were no such things as the following:

• Cell Phones (which kids seem to have younger and younger these days so no texting, mobile internet, etc.)
• iPods (hell, I thought I was king of the world with my first Sony Walkman personal radio)
• Personal Computers (I had a small electronic typewriter that got me through school – a typewriter!)
• Internet (and with it the extension of ways to get and absorb news and information)
• E-Mail (back then we actually wrote letters to each other and sent them in the mail, or snail mail as it’s called today, or passed notes)
• Cable TV (there wasn’t even a fourth Fox network back then. Just independent TV stations and the big three – CBS, NBC and ABC)
• Facebook and Twitter (progress back then was called a “party line,” expensive phone calls people could make to join 20 others to chat on the phone hosted by someone whose only job it was to keep you talking to get you to pay more per minute)

Amazing, isn’t it? Over the last 25-30 years technology has really improved. However, it has made the job of reaching people, especially kids, such a hard thing to do. The only way I can describe it is as practicing “lucky science.” Science because you have to do it so surgically since you can’t reach really large numbers of people using very few media anymore, and lucky because you never know what will resonate with people and take off like wild fire (as Twitter has the power to put information all over the world in a matter of minutes).

So how do I reach kids these days and let them know my simple story? That I was once a chubby kid, who was made fun of in school, and who had the same social problems they do these days because I was obese? How do I let them know I know how they feel when you can’t find age-appropriate clothes that fit, or have to find clothes less attractive or popular because they just aren’t in your size? How do I let kids know it’s normal to feel sad and depressed because you’re made fun of and are different, but also let them know it’s OK to talk about it and try to do something about it?

Jeez! I do sound like an old fogie FER SURE! LIKE TOTALLY! I sound like I’m waving my cane at some hot-rodders burning rubber down the street yelling at them as I wave my cane calling them “young whippersnappers.” But I’m not old (at least not yet) and I do very much remember what it’s like to be the fat kid. Plain and simple – it hurts. It hurts and at a time that is really solidifying who you’re going to become as an adult there are these pressures from family (in some cases), society-at-large, media (particularly fashion magazines geared towards teens) and friends to be this perfect being. And sometimes we are just not and we do not need anyone pointing out our flaws!

I guess it would be simple enough to tell kids this. In fact, it might make it easier for them to believe me when I tell them my personal fat kid story. I just know that America does have a childhood obesity epidemic on its hands, driven by lack of food education, support and economics. Well, I am going to do my best to help in any way I can. Not because I am saying all kids need to be thin or anything. But because it is all about health. Things like asthma and breathing problems (which I’ve had). High blood pressure (which I’ve had). And you could go on with juvenile diabetes, joint pain, etc. That is why I want to reach out. Because if I could go back in time and talk to me I would tell me it’s OK and to not eat so much McDonalds or ribs or fried foods. I’d also tell me the dangers of eating that much and how much I weighed at my heaviest and what problems it caused me. I’d tell me I understand what it’s like not having money to buy better foods and not have the proper resources to prepare them. I’d offer to help.

This is a crazy, mixed up and fast-paced world in which we live these days. But no matter what, kids need our help. And no matter how we reach them and tackle this problem of childhood obesity, we are helping them to become the same old fogies we are today. And I’d rather be an old fogie waving my cane around at young hot-rodders than dead in my 40s from a heart attack brought on by obesity.

As you guys know I am in New York attending a conference on all things website. I won’t bore you with the same details with which I was almost bored to sleep (literally – I had to get coffee during one of the panels or it would have been snooze city) but overall it was a great day for day one and I did end up learning tons about stuff so that I could enhance my own weight loss website. That’s the only way I can put it because my brain is mush.

However, the biggest and best thing I learned yesterday didn’t come from one of the speakers. It came from a mom (I won’t say her name for fear she’d be embarrassed). I ran into her while waiting on the last session of the day to begin. While we both waited I started talking to her about what I do and it was as if her eyes lit up. She told me all about her son and how her son, who is only twelve, has already felt the acute sting of what it’s like to be a heavy child.

Even though he’s not obese, he was chubby and his friends and schoolmates constantly let him know in the ever-so-brutally-honest way that only children can. He was the object of jokes and they made him sad, hurt and, worst of all, alone. I so remember what it was like being an obese kid. Even though I should have fit into clothes designated for kids my age I had to get the next size or two up from that just to find stuff that fit. My “friends” made fun of my stomach and my lack of physical ability because of it. I was called “fatty,” “Buffalo Bill” (that was a popular one), “Big Bill…” You name it. And I used to go home and cry about it…then eat to try to get rid of the pain.

I know exactly what this kid is going through because I went through it myself being an overweight child. Then, as I grew into adulthood it went from bad to worse. The brutal honesty of children gave way to the absolute meanness of high schoolers. Man, they were merciless, especially at a time when I was becoming a young adult, trying to attract girls and trying to maintain what little I had left of a positive body image. That is how my sense of humor became so honed. I needed it in both grammar and high schools just to deflect that pain away from me – even if it meant being the butt of my own jokes about myself. Laughter was the only way I could hide that pain. And believe me there was a lot of pain.

As an adult the insults became less but only because adults (well, most adults) learn to mask insults. But nothing, absolutely nothing, can take the look out of someone’s eyes. You can tell what a person is thinking just by looking at them. Like when I boarded a plane…or entered a restaurant.

When I heard this mom’s story all I wanted to do was tell her son it’s OK and that he is absolutely not (I repeat NOT) alone, which is why I, thanks to her son’s story and my newly-found knowledge from yesterdays brain-scrambler series of talks and seminars, am going to devote an upcoming portion of my website to children and weight loss. I know now there are so many of us “fat kids” out there who need a place to go to know they are safe. That’s all, safe. Safe from the barbs and stings of words that cut like swords. Safe from even being made fun of because they’re crying. I used to do that, too. But no more. Thanks in part to Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” initiative childhood obesity is getting the attention it deserves, shining a light on a problem that’s been festering for decades.

This mom told me that her son has worked hard to get his own extra weight off, which he has done, but that he still says “Mom, I’m fat” when he slips or has a bad eating day (sound familiar?). But help is on the way, kid. Help is on the way. Just know there are many of us out there who has not just survived being pre-teens and teenagers, a feat in-and-of itself. We also have taken the weight off to become healthier and happier people armed with a new way of living so we never see those pounds again.

You can do it, kid. As much as I have faith the adults reading this blog will reach their weight loss goal weights, I have faith in you, too. So keep watching this site. Because through it all, us adults and you kids alike, will get to our weight loss goals. We absolutely will and we will do it together.

Yawn. Streeeeeeeetch. Good morning, everybody.

Ok, so I ended up not doing too badly over the weekend weight wise. I gained a pound but that’s OK. As I said in my blog yesterday I am going to stop sweating the small stuff and just know I will re-lose it. In other words, I will start taking my own advice and forgive myself those few ounces and stumbling blocks and get right back on track as best I can.

Sometimes I wish I could turn off my “munchies gene.” It’s the gene in me that makes me blindly and instinctively munch on the chips, salsas, cakes, sodas and other yummy morsels laid out in front of me at gatherings. My “munchies gene” particularly starts up when I’m around friends having a great time as I was yesterday. I was sitting around a table just chatting and reached over to the chips and salsa as easily as I breathe. There was one difference, though. After a while I did recognize it and I stopped.  The “old” Bill would not have stopped.

I started thinking about the patterns of the “old” way-too large me. The “old” me that had broken chairs under his weight (I mean it – I have bent the metal legs of fold up chairs before. Highly embarrassing). The “old” me that would keep going back for plate after plate of food. I hinted at it yesterday. It’s not just the fact I shoveled food into my mouth it’s the WHY I shoveled food into my mouth that actually made me gain all that weight.

Part of that reason why goes all the way back to my obese childhood. Thinking about that recently I know part of the reason I ate so much and so badly was that I was in horde mode. We didn’t have much money growing and didn’t know from where our next meal was coming sometimes. So when we ate I gobbled it up. That horde mode carried through to my adulthood, and while I know no one is going to take it from me I just see a food spread and want to fill up before it’s all gone.

It may not make sense to you but that’s what made sense to me. And it’s a fight every single day to retrain the mind for something different. Something new. Something better.

For the briefest of moments yesterday I was at that party with my “old” self. But then I thought of one of my favorite sequels, “Superman II” (we were talking movies after all). In it, when Superman gives up his powers in his molecule chamber the “new” Clark Kent minus powers emerges from the chamber as the image of Superman stays and slowly fades away into non-existence. That’s how it feels for me but in so many good ways because, unlike Superman, I feel I gained my super powers when I emerged from my “old” self not vice-versa.

Leaving that “old” guy behind has been a long road. And I will continue along my weight loss road for the rest of my life.  Part of that means not blaming food again for just being there and recognizing no one makes me eat it but me.

For it is I who controls that “munchies gene,” not the other way around. And it’s more than OK to leave delicious meatballs, soda, chips, salsa and cake for others. More meals are coming in this life and I look forward to being better about having them so I can continue to enjoy them for the rest of my life.

All you can eat.

All of us have heard of that offer and most of us have taken advantage of it at one time or another taken advantage of it either at office parties, salad bars or restaurants like Old Country Buffet. I have friends who think buffets are great and others who think buffets are nasty and to be avoided at all costs. But no matter which way you slice your ninth dinner roll, “all you can eat” is one of the biggest problems facing our country today particularly in our fight against obesity.

My first experiences with “all you can eat” came when I was a kid. My mom used to take me to a small place in Hyde Park called the Cafe Enrico on 53rd Street. From what I remember it was pretty cool and being a kid I thought it was the pinnacle of fine dining. And on Friday nights this treasure from my childhood served an “all you can eat” fried perch dinner. Living without much money meant this was a wonderful option for us to not only eat out but also eat well, and we took full advantage of it.

Again…

…and again…

…and again.

I remember one time in particular when I got three helpings of that delicious deep-fried perch. Hell, I even think I pissed off the waitress at the time because I remember seeming annoyed she had to keep bringing me slices of this culinary delight.

As I grew older, “all you can eat” took on different forms. I loved (LOVED) my Chinese food “all you can eat” buffets. Oh My God, are you kidding? They are delicious to me. Deep-fried orange/spice chicken, rice, beef with peppers – yummy. I could eat all day. But most notably in my life was Old Country Buffet. My mom loved eating at Old Country Buffet for the exact reasons I loved eating at Cafe Enrico. If you have ever been to an OCB you know they serve lots (AND I DO MEAN LOTS) of foods that are not that healthy for you. But it was cheap and mom liked it (and so did I) so we ate there again…

…and again…

…and again.

As we have become the heaviest nation in the world I am reminded of the “endless bowl of soup” parable I heard while attending One Day University recently in New York. Amherst professor Catherine Sanderson told us about the study of people who were given a magic soup bowl which was rigged from the bottom to always fill with soup no matter how much the consumer ate. At the end it was found that people using this “endless bowl of soup” at  two- to three-times as much as people whose bowls were allowed to empty. This proves that not only the attractiveness of food but also portion size influences eating decisions in our country.

And in this economy I can’t say I completely blame us for wanting a “bigger bang” for our buck.

But you guys know as well as I do quantity does NOT equate to quality.And just because you can have three or four plates of crap doesn’t mean you are eating well. It just means that we, as a country, are eating to excess.

My mom always did the best for me she could and I know that. I actually feel horrible writing about these times with my mom going to Friday night “all you can eat” perch nights because they are treasured memories with my her (and some Pac-Man games were thrown in there, too). However,  it is part of why I became an obese child. I am sure that part of what drives families to places like Old Country Buffet on a regular basis is that want to provide food for the entire family but it is also part of what makes families and children in this country obese as well. But we need to stop. Eating so much is slowly killing us. We are sacrificing eating healthy for sheer size and that is wrong. I am living proof of it. Or should I say my high blood pressure, sleep apnea and aching joints were proof of it.

If I do eat “all you can eat” these days it is at a salad bar and I only have two helpings at most. Not just because I get fuller faster now but because I give my brain enough time to register that I have eaten and I am getting full. I make the conscious decision to walk away and not go for a third or, mom help me, fourth plate. And I know that making smarter choices like these equates to one thing…

…I know I will be living a much longer life.

Am I here to tell you never to eat “all you can eat” ever again? Certainly not. There will always be people in your life who love the Old Country Buffets of the world (I love you, mama). But if and when you can use the money you’d spend and go to a grocery store. But fruits and vegetables. Make meals at home. Create a yummy soup that could last for days. Put yourself at the top of your priority list instead of your wallet.

By doing that you’ll not only help your waist line (and our collective American waistline) but you’ll be able to enjoy life’s many wonderful foods for many more years to come.

Good morning my friends. Whether you’ve been along for the ride since I began this blog or have just joined in I welcome you and want you to know you now have a place to relax, vent, cry, laugh, learn from and most of all share. We are all in this weight loss journey together and I am so proud to begin knowing each and every one of you.

Being on the Dr. Oz Show was an amazing experience and he asked me personally to blog for him and become a Wellness Warrior. That makes me both happy and proud. I hope I do a good job.

And thanks to the Dr. Oz Show and a subsequent appearance on FOX 5 News out of New York yesterday I have heard from so many wonderful people about their weight loss stories and there have been a few in just the one day since that have touched my heart. None more so than my new friend, Kelle, who talked about her fiancee, Fernando, and his untimely death due to complications from gastric bypass surgery.

Kelle lost her fiancée, Fernando, in 2008 from complications due to gastric bypass surgery. He weighed 411 when they found out they were expecting their son. Growing up an obese child he decided it was time to make a lifestyle change. Fernando felt he had to do it for their son, so that he would be around for his little boy, be able to run after him in the park, and just be healthy for his son and Kelle. Fernando also decided to have the surgery because nothing had worked for him. He was diagnosed with Type-2 diabetes just 6 months prior to his death. He also went to a nutritionist, joined Weight Watchers, did sleep studies for his apnea but nothing worked. Unfortunately, the worst possible outcome happened and Fernando passed away at the age of 42.

Kelle’s son was 9-months-old when his father died and she wishes sometimes that he would have stayed the large man he was. “Although he was a big guy he had an even bigger heart,” Kelle said, “and when a life is lost and your laying there for your loved one to say your final good-byes it doesn’t matter what size you are.”

That is so true.

It is always hard for me to write about gastric bypass because, while I knew I would never have it for myself,  I know so many people who have had the surgery (or lap band surgery). I would also never be down on them for two reasons: because they are my friends and I love them and also because they made the decision to have their respective surgeries for themselves. They have gone on to lose weight and keep it off and be healthy and extend their lives because of it. For that, and their continued friendship, I am most grateful.

After reading Kelle’s letter I did some poking around this wonderful, new-fangled internet thingie and found out something very interesting. You type “gastric bypass mortality rate” into Google and you’ll get varying degrees of information and data, some of which is from the mid-2000s. I did however find one article from January 2010 which is interesting and does seem to go along with the other stats I found.

A study led by researchers at the University of Cincinnati concluded that while the benefits of gastric bypass surgery may far outweigh the health risks for most people who are morbidly obese (which is defined as having a body mass index of 40 or higher) the 30-day mortality from the surgery can range to as high as 2 percent in some studies . That means up to 1 in every 50 surgeries can result in complications and mortality.

I am so glad Kelle wrote me and told me her story. The first time I had ever heard of gastric bypass was because of my old boss’s friend. He was 400 lbs and he unfortunately died from complications of the surgery much like Fernando. That was when I decided if I was ever going to lose weight it would not be through surgery and why I absolutely believe that people can do it naturally. 42 is way too young to lose a loved one especially when he is a father. But he did what he felt he had to do for Kelle and his new son and that amounts to only one thing – love.

I struggle every day with weight loss. I really do. It’s hard to say I am going to resist the foods I love because I’m scared. I’m scared I might go back to having them in the amounts I used to and, therefore, will go back to being the weight I was. I struggle every day with portion control and saying no to a food today so I can have it as a treat later. I really do want to continue my weight loss. It is a struggle every single day. I get up. I crave certain foods. I crave the foods that I know are bad for me. And I have to resist every single day and not give into them. That is what I want this blog to do. Tell people that with a little resistance (and most of all self-love) they can achieve their goals.

Weight loss is a story we can all share and understand. In the days and months and years to come I hope you guys continue to share your stories with me. Sorry today’s blog was so long. But this journey we’re on is a long one. But it’s one that you can now do with the company of friends and loved ones by your side.