Determined To Succeed

Today feels like a such Monday to me. I don’t know how that happens it just does. It could be the weather, a three-day weekend or the way we wake up in the morning. Some days just feel like other days of the week. Maybe it’s a glitch in The Matrix.

Perhaps it feels like a Monday because it also happens to be a first, June 1, and the beginning of the work week for most people (hence the feeling of it being Monday). Getting in your car, getting much-needed coffee before waiting in absolutely horrible traffic just to turn around at the end of the day to wait in even more traffic with even less coffee. For me, though, it symbolizes something else. It is June 1 and I am still twelve pounds above re-reaching my weight goal of 225 pounds.

Over the past few weeks my stress eating has been ramping up because in eight more days it will be the one-year anniversary of my mom, JoAnn’s, passing. What does that mean? I’ll tell you what it means. It means I am going to lose at least this two pounds I re-gained so I can get back to my “Battle of the Final Ten” before that anniversary.

I had so wanted to have this weight be done and gone by now. Ya know? A year is a long time, especially when it took me three-and-a-half years to lose 175 pounds in the first place. But because of the everyday things that happen in life, including many stupid food decisions, I still have twelve pounds to re-lose.  I know my pants still fit (thank God) and I know I am not that far from my goal but still…it gets under my skin.

So after writing this weight loss blog today I’m going to continue with my exercise (or as I put it rediscovering my inner sweaty, smelly and grunty child) to make sure these two pounds are gone by June 9. That’s my goal, a do-able and smart one, too. It’s also going to help me get my mind right as it gets closer and closer to the auditions for the “win your OWN show” contest for Oprah and her new network, OWN.

I am also going to think about my basic rules for losing weight:

TELL EVERYONE! (which I do every single day with you, my friends).

WHEN YOU CAN, PURGE YOUR “FAT CLOTHES.” With summer here I need to do that with the wardrobe I just pulled out of storage. This way I can give myself a nice little mental boost as I get back on track to re-losing this weight.

BE FORGIVING OF YOURSELF. In this newer more-Zen way of thinking I am trying my best not to do this.  Today is DAY ONE, at least that’s the way I am thinking about it. Beating yourself (or myself) up is negative energy you (we) don’t need. And o.k., so along my journey I re-gained twent after my mom’s death and I still need to re-lose twelve to get back to my ultimate goal of 225. THAT STILL MEANS I STILL LOST EIGHT OF THE TWENTY AND THAT’S GOOD!!!

USE WHAT YOU HAVE AVAILABLE TO YOU. With summer here it’s a great time to get out and walk, ride a bike, jog, walk the dog, something to get you outside and moving. And remember you (and I) can do sit-ups, push-ups and stairs in our own homes.

KNOW THIS WILL TAKE TIME: Weight loss and maintenance will be a part of my life for the rest of my life and I know this last ten or twelve will come off with time. I can be impatient sometimes but I will be more patient with me because…

YOU ARE WORTH IT SO MAKE THE TIME. …and I will, starting (or re-starting) right now.

Whew! See, I do take my own advice. I, too, need my pep-talks every now and then to keep me going, too. I am, after all, only human. And like everyone on a weight loss journey I especially need to keep these things in my mind during crazy weeks where you wake up on Tuesday but it feels like Monday (and you have to take the red pill – Matrix devotees know what that means). Have a great (and short) week, everyone.

P.S.: I will continue to keep you all posted on when I have to take a break from the blog to be all homeless and stuff waiting to audition for Oprah.

Happy Monday, everyone! Today is the Memorial Day holiday and I am sitting here at my computer thinking about the week I have coming up this week. It’s going to be weird, fun, trying, adrenaline-filled and cool. And I just need to keep my cool when it comes to food.

Here’s the deal. This coming Saturday is the first live audition for people to possibly win their own show for Oprah and her new OWN network. You guys already know I have submitted a video entry to the “Win Your OWN Show” contest and, according to the rules, anyone can do both the live audition and the recorded one. So I am throwing caution to the wind and doing both, myself.

Here’s the rub. The live auditions are Saturday and they are only seeing the first 500 people of so. What that means for yours truly is I am thinking I will have to get there pretty darn early on Saturday morning to get in line. There is also the distinct possibility that I will have to get in line a day or two early to secure my place in the first 500 as I am sure this will bring out thousands and thousands of people.

And with this in mind a long and strange week begins.

Here’s the deal. Since I don’t know what day the line will start forming I am not quite sure when I will heading up to make myself voluntarily homeless for this once-in-a-lifetime shot.  Yes, yours truly will be doing any and everything he can to make sure he is one of the first 500 in line so he is definitely seen and not heard.

Here’s the rub. I know fer sure (like totally) I will not be blogging on Saturday morning. And if I do have to be in line a day or two early I will not be blogging for those couple of days either because I just don’t think it wise to bring a laptop to the place where I potentially will be sleeping outside with strangers, and I sleep soundly. How soundly do you ask? Well, I’ve slept through one of Chicago’s two extremely rare earthquakes, thunder and lightning storms, you name it, and I don’t want my “Little Blue” (the nickname I gave my netbook) to somehow walk away.

And here’s the promise. You can bet your bottom dollar I will fill you in on ever aspect of everything I go through when Sunday rolls around.

As far as food goes I am at 237 even today which means Bill is a grumpy but re-committed lad. I told you guys yesterday I have been stress eating but after a day of some reflection, some tears and a bit of work I am better.  Being better means I already have this weekend in mind for what I will be eating, so I also have to scope out food sources at the shopping complex or nearby and make sure there is a Wawa (my convenience store of choice) so I can get healthier sandwiches, coffee and water (yep, good ol’ H2O and not Coca-Cola).

Also, I will be working out every day until I have to head on up and camp out. It will be a combination of cardio and weights so that my body knows I mean business because I should be just as committed to that (if not more so) than standing in a line with thousands of my best friends.

They say there is honor among thieves. I certainly hope that’s true especially when it comes to having to get out of line to go to the bathroom. OK, I know that’s T.M.I. but at least it made you laugh. At least I hope it did.

Have a wonderful day my friends, and remember our service people around the world today. It may be the third day of a three-day weekend for you. For them, and for those who made the ultimate sacrifice for which we honor them with this day, it’s about honor, duty and freedom…

…even having the freedom to be weird and camp out to eventually make an ass of oneself to a bunch of producers this coming Saturday. Only in the USA.

Stress. It is everywhere. It is constant. Sometimes like the air we breathe. Sometimes like the sun that rises every morning. All our lives have it in one form or another (and I’d love to have your life if you don’t) and you wake up with it like a cup of coffee in the morning (oooh, that sounds good).

I’ve been feeling lots of stress lately. You can probably tell by how I’ve been writing (and eating) I have lots going on. My video entry in the Oprah “Win Your OWN Show” contest, the upcoming live audition for that, Book Expo America (which I am planning on attending this week in New York), switching cable companies, folding laundry, trying to figure out where/how money’s coming, cleaning up, and way more stuff I can’t even think about at the moment (even my coffee maker freaked out on me, btw, and leaked water and grounds everywhere) has me anxious to do one thing – eat.

Thank God I am only keeping healthier snacks in the house these days. Some prunes (yes, prunes. And no, I am not 90-years-old. I just happen to like prunes), raisins, crackers and some granola are way better to have than candy bars, egg rolls and soda (yes, believe it or not I steered clear of Coke this weekend (well, pretty much. I had only one as a treat) and didn’t stress drink. Man! Is that even a phrase?

I have also been trying to be Zen and not so hard on myself, too (a little voice in my head tells me I have been lately a bit too much). I am trying on both fronts and it does seem to be working at least a little. But in the meantime stuff isn’t getting done, like that laundry and other life stuff.

This is one of those times I am thankful I have undergone my weight loss journey. I can now recognize when I am anxious, exasperated, worried, afraid, nervous, excited – all the emotions that would make my pop a box of Dunkin’ Donuts Munchkins in a heartbeat, or want to order some beef fried rice and egg rolls, or drink three or four Cokes to drown my worries. I may be stressed but I still have control over me and as long as I have that I am going to control what goes into my body so I can control my weight and the choices I make regarding food.

Today, I am down a half-pound from when I went to the conference which is good, and still within my “Battle of the Final Ten.” I may have been fighting this battle for a while now but it’s a battle fought on many fronts – in the gym and in life. We fight it every day. And it’s hard to resist the temptations (”My Girl. My Girl. Talking ’bout my girl…” sorry, just wanted to be goofy and break out into song) of food. It is, especially when food is everywhere. Kind of like in the movies when the hero has to make the treacherous walk/drive down a seedy street and there are pimps, hookers, drug dealers and gang-bangers lining both sides just lying in wait for the hero to step just a little off the path.

Sigh. So today I will be good. It’s all I can do. I will start this Monday with my cup of frustrating coffee (I just cleaned up the mess) and will start my day knowing it’s only Monday and that it’s OK.  I may have grounds to clean up, and laundry to fold, and a floor to vacuum, and bills to pay, and errands to run…

…but I am alive and breathing and doing OK with my weight. That is a gift and one I cherish every day. As long as I have those things I have the strength for anything.

Crap!!!! I’m so behind the eight ball!!!!

How many times do we start the day saying that phrase? A lot, I know. Even today, my weight loss blog is soooo late (and my complete apologies to you all) because I’m just returned from the conference in Atlanta and I am pretty wiped out. Enough so that I slept really late today and had to make an early appointment before I sat down to put fingers to keyboard.

While there may be some debate as to the origin of the phrase “behind the eight ball” we usually take it to mean being “in a tight spot,” or “not likely to win.” But do we all realize how much we place ourselves “behind the eight ball,” especially when it comes to losing weight? Or in life? Not enough, I’d imagine.

Recently I’ve tried to be way more Zen about weight loss. I said yesterday that I was sure I’ve gained weight at the conference I attended, and I did. But it was only two-and-a-half pounds. Not too shabby for having such a limited food selection and not working out the way I wanted to. But I know I will lose it (or in my case re-lose it. Or is it re-re-lose it?). I am just choosing to not, I repeat NOT, put myself behind the eight ball when it comes to this stuff. I am choosing not to stress out about certain things, like gaining a couple of pounds on a business trip, waking up late and having to get to a meeting before writing, because that makes me nervous and anxious and all sorts of discombobulated – key factors in me stress eating. See how that works? In other words we are, most times, not behind an eight ball at all, we only think we are.

All too often we choose not to see how much we can actually calm our own lives down. I know there are times when we think we screw up, do rash or impulsive things, worry, don’t have enough time to finish projects, meet enough people, get from points A to Z, etc. But on our weight loss journey, as I’ve always said, the number one person you have to take care of is you. You are the most important thing, deadline, task or meeting you have to do.  Most of all, it will be OK. It is OK.

This blog may be late but I am OK with that. I just know I have a lot to tackle today and I will get to it. Like my exciting entry in Oprah’s “Win Your OWN Show” contest. Like planning to go to New York for Book Expo America next week to try to get in front of publishers. Like even paying bills. It will all get done. I just need to focus, not get caught up in how many things I need to do and just do them, one by one, until they are done.

So today’s blog my be short but it’s sweet and to the point. By just calming down and relaxing I can take away my nervous “need” for different crappy foods that may be fast but are unhealthy. By calming down I can take control of my day and my life and my eating so I know I take a moment, breathe, think about what foods I am consuming and remove myself from the eight ball.

I don’t know if you all play pool or not (I do on bar occasions when one is handy and not occupied by stupid drunk people) but I like the simplicity of pool. It may take a passing knowledge of physics and definitive skill to sink solids or stripes into the corner pocket but it’s your mastery of that eight ball that wins you the game.