Determined To Succeed

Happy Monday, everyone. Did you all have a good weekend? I have to say my weekend was good, and yes, I resisted food temptations and did exercise (even though the temps have consistently been in the 90s and continue to be so). I even resisted the awesomely wonderful smell of movie popcorn and had a Coke Zero (COKE ZERO – BAH!). I wanted a regular Coca-Cola so bad but I resisted, trying so hard to be good. It seems the food binge of a week ago cured me, at least temporarily, of eating like that again.

I woke up kind of late this morning (something that’s getting to be an annoying habit) and realized I have a speaking engagement to do this evening. I always feel pretty natural in front of crowds or on TV but I always feel the excitement, anxiousness and anticipation of speaking in front of a group, especially when weight loss is the subject.

Losing weight is truly one of the most personal things I have ever done and sometimes it hurts to remember and talk about things associated with my weight gain because a lot of it has to do with my mom and how we lived. I think back to when I was a fat kid and how all we had in the house was crap to eat. The guilt comes when I think about stuff like that because my mom, JoAnn, always did her absolute best to keep a roof over our heads and food in our tummies. For that I will always love you, Mama, and thank you. It wasn’t the best food but it was food, however it is part of what made me a fat kid.

It is especially alarming when you see how my personal story matches up with data just released in June in the report “F as in Fat: How Obesity Threatens America’s Future 2010.” Adult obesity rates increased in 28 states in the past year, and declined only in the District of Columbia (D.C.), according to the report from the Trust for America’s Health (TFAH) and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation (RWJF). More than two-thirds of states (38) have adult obesity rates above 25 percent. In 1991, no state had an obesity rate above 20 percent.

That’s a helluva way to wake up on a Monday morning.

The report also highlights troubling racial, ethnic, regional and income disparities in the nation’s obesity epidemic. For instance, adult obesity rates for Blacks and Latinos were higher than for Whites in at least 40 states and the District of Columbia; 10 out of the 11 states with the highest rates of obesity were in the South — with Mississippi weighing in with highest rates for all adults (33.8 percent) for the sixth year in a row; and 35.3 percent of adults earning less than $15,000 per year were obese compared with 24.5 percent of adults earning $50,000 or more per year.

To put this into personal terms, and from what I remember from my mom’s paycheck, she earned an estimated $19,200 a year. Wow. That’s the first time I did that math in my head and figured out how up-against-it we were in terms of income, bills and health. Of course being lower income we were heavier. All the foods we could afford were bad-for-you foods but foods we could get to carry us from one week to the next.

It was what we had, but it helped make me fat. That is part of the vicious circle. That is part of my guilt in talking about it. But I have never hidden from it and have always been honest with you about things like that. How can I when nearly one-third of children and teens are obese or overweight. I am trying my best to help in any way I can and say we have to do better.

I am lucky, I know that. I am lucky because I bottomed out and realized I had to do something. I am lucky because I had support doing it. I am lucky because I now know my triggers and can stop myself if needs be. Not everyone has that. Some people have others, even loved ones or family members, trying to sabotage them. And some people unfortunately just don’t have safe places to play or workout and can’t afford healthier food.

Tonight when I speak to this group I’m going to do what I always do…tell my story and hope it helps inspire people to lose weight or others in their lives to lose weight. I wish, though, I could send money via Western Union to me and my mom way back then. Like instead of sending it anywhere in the world I would send it anywhen so I could help us out. I always wanted to help my mom, she worked so hard. I guess the only thing I can do now is honor her by staying as healthy as I can.

It’s not easy at all resisting the smell of warm, buttered popcorn popping in a theater lobby before a movie. Hell, it’s part of the movie going experience. But when you consider how many calories are in that popcorn, and how many people (including yours truly) are overweight and eating that stuff, choices at the concession stands are made simpler.

I want to be around for a good long time, no matter how jarring waking up on Mondays can be.

Remember Saturday morning cartoons? I know, I know. They’re still on the air and Saturday mornings are probably still cool for kids. However I’ve noticed the shows and commercials on the “Big Three” networks are far louder, outrageous and more bombastic than the shows and commercials I grew up with, probably because they now have to compete with the glut of competition from cable.

Anywho, I bring this up because, for me, staples of Saturday morning cartoons were cereal commercials. Oh yes, you’d have Count Chocula, Frankenberry, Honeycomb (my personal favorite), Cheerios, Frosted Flakes and Tony The Tiger saying “they’re greeeeeeeeat!” And no matter which one you liked they all had the following line: “…part of a nutritious breakfast.” You’d see a nice glass of milk, a small glass of juice, a couple slices of toast and select fruit either on or next to the sugary goodness that was the cereal.

While it always struck me as funny that the phrase didn’t necessarily mean that the cereal itself was nutritious the concept of starting the day with breakfast was. Throughout my weight gain years I know I was not good at all about eating breakfast. I skipped thinking it would save calories, but all it did was make me eat the bulk of my calories later, especially at night, and made me snack on unhealthy crap.

These days we barely glance at the kitchen in the morning (guilty). Fixing breakfast takes up precious time that’s in short supply. But there’s tons of evidence (pun intended) that the simple act of eating breakfast is a big part of losing weight.

“People skip breakfast thinking they’re cutting calories, but by mid-morning and lunch, that person is starved,” says Milton Stokes, RD, MPH, chief dietitian for St. Barnabas Hospital in New York City. “Breakfast skippers replace calories throughoutcream cheese, the day with mindless snacking. They set themselves up for failure.”

Two studies in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association backed up this finding. A group of researchers analyzed data from a study that followed more than 2,000 young girls from ages 9 to 19. They found that regular cereal eaters had fewer weight problems than infrequent cereal eaters. Those who ate cereal occasionally had a 13% higher risk of being overweight compared to the regular cereal eaters.

Another research group analyzed government data on 4,200 adults. They found that regular breakfast eaters were more likely to exercise regularly. And women who ate breakfast regularly tended to eat fewer calories overall during the day. Those men and women who ate breakfast cereal had lower overall fat intake compared to those who ate other breakfast foods.

It makes TOTAL sense (get it? TOTAL?! A cereal reference?! Ah, never mind). Eating early in the day keeps us from “starvation eating” later on. It also jump-starts our metabolism, says Elisabetta Politi, RD, MPH, nutrition manager for the Duke Diet & Fitness Center at Duke University Medical School. “When you don’t eat breakfast, you’re actually fasting for 15 to 20 hours, so you’re not producing the enzymes needed to metabolize fat to lose weight.”

But before you go filling up a bowl with Cocoa Puffs or fruity-patooties (or whatever passes for cereal these days with kids and their new-fangled rock and roll) listen up. Breakfast is the best time to make wise food choices. That’s where fruits, vegetables, and whole grains come into the picture. Because these are high-fiber foods, they fill you up – yet they bring less fat to the table, says Barbara J. Rolls, PhD, the Guthrie Chair in Nutrition at Pennsylvania State University in Pittsburgh.

These high-fiber foods allow you to eat more food yet get fewer calories. It’s a concept called “energy density” – the number of calories in a specified amount of food, Rolls explains. “Some foods – especially fats – are very energy dense, which means they have a lot of calories packed into a small size,” Rolls says. “However, foods that contain lots of water have very low energy density. Water itself has an energy density of zero. High-fiber foods like fruits, vegetables, and grains have low energy density.”

Translation: If you eat foods with high energy density, such as bagels, you rack up calories quickly. If you eat high-fiber, low-energy-density foods – such as oatmeal, strawberries, walnuts, and low-fat yogurt – you can eat more and get fewer calories.

For example: A breakfast made up of 1 cup of oatmeal, 1/2lf cup of low-fat milk, 1 cup of sliced strawberries, and 1 tablespoon of walnuts has only approximately 307 calories total. Two multi-grain waffles, with 1 cup of blueberries, 3 tablespoons of light syrup, and 1 cup of plain low-fat yogurt have about 450 calories total. That’s almost equal to the standard bagel-and-cream-cheese breakfast – yet it’s much more food, and much lower in fat.

So what are some healthier breakfast suggestions? I’m so glad you asked that ’cause I just happen to have a few right here:

* Banana with peanut butter
* Banana sliced into yogurt
* Oatmeal with fruit — like apples, blueberries, or peaches (what I just had for breakfast)
* Small tortilla with a few tablespoons of peanut butter and chopped strawberries. Roll it up, slice it. It works for kids and adults.
* Breakfast smoothies — berries, ice, and milk or yogurt.

As for the much-beloved bagel – sadly, it’s the calorie equivalent of five slices of bread so just eat half. Better yet, go for smaller bagels, the little ones that are like hockey pucks. Spread some peanut butter on it instead of cream cheese. If you must have cream cheese, buy low-fat. Honestly there is no difference in taste. Add a little bit of jam, some sliced strawberries and you are good to go.

If on-the-run fast food breakfast sandwiches are your food of choice indulge them in a healthy way: whole-grain English muffins, a cooked egg, low-fat cheese melted on top – ham or Canadian bacon optional. It’s portable. You can drive with that. It’s got a good beat and I can dance to it. I give it an 87.

So, my friends. You can now see how important breakfast is and have some suggestions for what to eat. As for the sugary cereals we were fed as kids, some breakfast is better than no breakfast. The last thing anyone should do is skip breakfast. Otherwise, you’ll be eating something even worse later on – candy bars and potato chips – because you’re starving. But if you have time for that cereal take sweetened cereal and mix it with unsweetened cereal, or take unsweetened cereal and mix it with something a little sugary – like yogurt.

That may not please Count Chocula or the little dude from Lucky Charms but who cares. This is about you not them and losing weight is ultimately what is “magically delicious.”

P.S. – Always remember one simple rule especially at night: IF YOU’RE NOT HUNGRY FOR CEREAL THEN YOU’RE NOT REALLY HUNGRY.

Happy Monday, everyone.

I might have mentioned to you guys once or twice before how much I love movies. I know it’s hard to tell, what with all my movie references and all but this past weekend got me thinking about one particular movie, the remake of “The Italian Job,” and one of it’s lines as it pertains to weight loss.

There is a big deal in the movie made about responding to the question “how do you feel” with the answer “fine.” You see, in the movie Donald Sutherland explains to Mark Wahlberg that “fine” is an acronym that stands for being:

freaked-out

insecure

neurotic

emotional

In weight loss it is so easy to get caught up in definitions of things. Heavy, light, good, bad…you know the standards. But today I want to tell you how fine “fine” really is, for you see “fine” can have at least three definitions but one of them is really O.K.

What brought all this up? Well, over the weekend I met a person who was pretty down about their weight. You could tell it in their demeanor and how they talked about themselves and others, and all I wanted to do was reach across the table and say how cool and groovy they were. I wanted to say how absolutely wonderful they were and not to be injured by the slings and arrows of others words and put-downs, especially their own. I wanted to say how the weight will be gone one day and that they were awesome no matter what their weight is and worth it enough to begin the journey.

What came out of my mouth was “you look fine.”

I reflected about that a bit yesterday because of “The Italian Job.” Believe me, I know what it’s like going through life feeling “F.I.N.E.” because I was heavier. I was always freaked out about things like my health, my escalating high blood pressure, arthritis, etc. I was always insecure because of how I knew I looked. Hell, I even made not one but two (TWO!) chairs buckle under my weight. It was awful. I was neurotic because I was always oversensitive going into situations, especially social ones, where I knew my size would work against me. Most of all, I was always emotional because being overweight always (ALWAYS) makes you emotional. I was always reminded how uncomfortable I was doing things (seats are small to begin with at a ballpark but damn, at 400 lbs they’re impossible). I was always angry and sad I was going down this road not knowing how to stop.  I was, in a word, “F.I.N.E.”

But, over these years of weight loss and maintenance I have come to realize that definition of “fine” is only one definition of fine. There are at least two more – one not-so-great and the other one awesome.

The not-so-great fine is the fine you get/feel when you think on the scale of 1-through-10 you are a 5. Nothing special. Just O.K. Like the old jokes go, never tell a spouse they look “fine.” I get it, I totally do, and I can understand how when you are “F.I.N.E.” hearing you look fine really can be a total bummer. But that’s only the not-so-great version of fine.

The fine I embrace is the fine that says I am just as good as everyone else. It is the fine that says I am doing well today. It is the fine that makes me feel worthy. It has no emotion behind it other than I am an equal and that feels good. In my weight loss journey I longed to be this kind of fine because this kind of fine represented me being just like other people and not defined by my size, food choices or breaking chairs. I “fit in,” literally and figuratively. I was seen as a person, a flesh-and-blood human regardless of weight and in those moments it was bliss to finally feel fine.

Being a writer I sometimes choose my words very carefully (sometimes I have the tact of a gladiator using a broad sword in an operating room) especially when speaking to someone I know is sensitive about weight. You sometimes have nanoseconds to choose the words you are going to say and when I say them they are as correct as I can make them at the time. So if you ever run into me and you are of-size, don’t worry if I tell you “you look fine” or “you are fine.” I know your pain, discomfort, awkwardness, emotions and longing. And when I say the word “fine” in reference to you take it not the way you think about it but the way it is truly and deeply intended…

…to let you know how cool you are, that you are just as awesome a human being as everyone else, thin or not, and that you are far, far more than the number on your scale. So sit down, chat a while and know, finally, that you really are (and have always been) one of the cool kids at the cool table.

Last night I had the hell scared out of me.

I had the occasion to do some catch-up with a friend of mine over dinner last night. It was a cool and casual dinner, and a few delicious happy hour pineapple martinis and mini-burger and egg roll appetizers were consumed. It was great, that is until my friend told me about a friend of theirs who had recently had a stroke, two of them, in fact…

…and he is only 38.

That news hit me like a ton of bricks. A guy who is ONE YEAR YOUNGER THAN I AM has had two strokes and is now dealing with the realities of recuperation and recovery from them, and he’s only 38.

“A year younger than me,” I thought to myself, ““My God, that guy could have easily been me by now.”

While the evening continued on for at least an hour past that piece of news it never left me. It sat next to me the rest of the night. It made me put down the appetizers and the martinis. It sobered me up and followed me home when the catch-up was over. As I lay in bed I thanked God, my lucky stars, guardian angel, mom, fate, destiny, karma and everyone and everything else I could that I was alive and well enough to be able to do the things I do these days. It is not news to you guys that I firmly believe my quality of life would have suffered severely if I didn’t lose weight and had remained 400 pounds. I had high blood pressure that would have kept going. I had arthritis that would have gotten worse with age. I had sleep apnea causing me to stop breathing during sleep. I might even be dead.

When I got up this morning I was still very troubled by the news I’d heard. I was also curious about obesity and the roll it plays in strokes.

For those of you lucky enough to never have known what a stroke is, a stroke occurs when there’s a problem with the amount of blood in your brain. The cause of the main type of stroke — ischemic stroke — is too little blood in the brain. The cause of the other type of stroke — hemorrhagic stroke — is too much blood within the skull.

About 80 percent of strokes are ischemic strokes. They occur when the arteries to your brain are narrowed or blocked, causing severely reduced blood flow (ischemia). This deprives your brain cells of oxygen and nutrients, and cells may begin to die within minutes. The most common ischemic strokes are:

• Thrombotic stroke. This type of stroke occurs when a blood clot (thrombus) forms in one of the arteries that supply blood to your brain. A clot usually forms in areas damaged by atherosclerosis — a disease in which the arteries are clogged by fatty deposits (plaques).
• Embolic stroke. An embolic stroke occurs when a blood clot or other particle forms in a blood vessel away from your brain — commonly in your heart — and is swept through your bloodstream to lodge in narrower brain arteries. This type of blood clot is called an embolus. It’s often caused by irregular beating in the heart’s two upper chambers (atrial fibrillation). This abnormal heart rhythm can lead to poor blood flow and the formation of a blood clot.

“Hemorrhage” is the medical word for bleeding. Hemorrhagic stroke occurs when a blood vessel in your brain leaks or ruptures. Hemorrhages can result from a number of conditions that affect your blood vessels, including uncontrolled high blood pressure (hypertension) and weak spots in your blood vessel walls (aneurysms). A less common cause of hemorrhage is the rupture of an arteriovenous malformation (AVM) — an abnormal tangle of thin-walled blood vessels, present at birth. There are two types of hemorrhagic stroke:

• Intracerebral hemorrhage. In this type of stroke, a blood vessel in the brain bursts and spills into the surrounding brain tissue, damaging cells. Brain cells beyond the leak are deprived of blood and are also damaged. High blood pressure is the most common cause of this type of hemorrhagic stroke. Over time, high blood pressure can cause small arteries inside your brain to become brittle and susceptible to cracking and rupture.
• Subarachnoid hemorrhage. In this type of stroke, bleeding starts in a large artery on or near the surface of the brain and spills into the space between the surfaces of your brain and your skull. This type of hemorrhage is often signaled by a sudden, severe “thunderclap” headache. This type of stroke is commonly caused by the rupture of an aneurysm, which can develop with age or be genetically inherited. After the hemorrhage, the blood vessels in your brain may widen and narrow erratically (vasospasm), causing brain cell damage by further limiting blood flow to parts of your brain.

A transient ischemic attack (TIA, or ministroke) is a brief episode of symptoms similar to those you’d have in a stroke. The cause of a transient ischemic attack is a temporary decrease in blood supply to part of your brain. Most attacks last just a few minutes. However, in contrast to a stroke which involves a more prolonged lack of blood supply and causes some permanent damage to your brain tissue, a TIA doesn’t leave lasting effects to your brain. Still, if you’ve had a TIA, it means there’s likely a blocked or narrowed artery leading to your brain, putting you at a greater risk of a full-blown stroke that could cause more permanent damage. If you’re having a TIA, get emergency medical treatment and make sure your regular physician knows about it.

Why am I telling you guys this heavy stuff today? Because I want to scare the hell out of you, too. Why? The higher a person’s degree of obesity, the higher their risk of stroke — regardless of race, gender and how obesity is measured, according to a recent study published in Stroke: Journal of the American Heart Association who said the higher a person’s degree of obesity, the higher their risk of stroke – regardless of sex or race.

However, stroke is more likely among obese blacks than obese whites. Hiroshi Yatsuya, M.D., Ph.D., study lead author and visiting associate professor at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis and colleagues followed 13,549 middle-aged black and white men and women in four U.S. communities from 1987 through 2005. Participants started the study free of cancer and cardiovascular disease.

During the follow-up period of about 19 years, 598 ischemic strokes occurred. The researchers calculated incidence rate — the number of new cases per 1,000 people per year — according to groups representing different degrees of obesity, using each obesity measure.

They found that incidence rates differed substantially between whites and blacks. For example, the stroke rate in the lowest BMI category was 1.2 per 1,000 person-years for white women and 4.3 per 1,000 person-years for black women. The rate in the highest BMI category was 2.2 for white men and 8.0 for black men.

“Black women had about three times higher incidence of stroke than white women in the lowest as well as in the highest BMI categories,” Yatsuya said. “But the correlation between increasing stroke incidence and increasing degree of obesity was apparent in both races and genders.”
“Since individuals with higher degrees of obesity tended to have higher blood pressure levels or higher diabetes prevalence, we further examined the relationship between the degree of obesity and ischemic stroke incidence by statistically adjusting for difference in blood pressure of diabetes status attributed to the degree of obesity,” Yatsuya said. “That significantly weakened the associations, suggesting these major risk factors explain much of the obesity-stroke association.”

My friends, strokes remain among the top five leading causes of death. The Archives of Internal Medicine published a study showing that people who are overweight by 20% or less carry a 50% increased probability of suffering a stroke. The study also explained that being more than 20 percent overweight carried a risk that was twice as high. Because of these statistics, it’s important to know how weight and strokes are related. The tell-tale effect is that extra weight affects arteries by narrowing them. With narrowed arteries, it becomes easier for blood clots to form, which could cause a stroke later on. The narrowing of the arteries can be compounded by hypertension, low exercise level and a diet that contains a lot of cholesterol. Unfortunately, some (but certainly not all) overweight people don’t exercise regularly and eat high-cholesterol diets, which increases their stroke risk dramatically. On the flip side, healthy eating habits and exercise can decrease your risk of a stroke later on.

As I sit here and type I am looking out of the stop sign-shaped window next to my desk. I am looking at the blue sky above (which has, at most, a very few whispy clouds floating through it) and I feel as though I’ve woken up from a nightmare. Losing weight has had a dramatic effect on my life to say the least. However, I realize I have been concentrating on the effects you mostly see and feel, not necessarily on the effects you DON’T see: like how much I’ve prolonged my life and like how much I’ve dramatically reduced the chances of strokes, heart attacks and diabetes all by losing the weight I did. Sometimes good can happen when you cannot see it and these positive effects are there the more you see your numbers come down on the scale.

Having the hell scared out of you may add grey hairs to your head, but sometimes being scared is a good way to avoid being scared to death. Know what I mean?

When I was growing up I was one of my class’ fat kids. I was also taller than most kids so I stood out more and kids can be utterly merciless when it comes to picking on someone NOT their own size. I remember being called “tubby,” “Buffalo Bill,” “fatso…” you name it. I was also physically bullied as a kid. This one kid, Frank, and his prick friend (I don’t remember his name but I’m sure he’ll burn in Hell) cornered me one day in the winter after school, grabbed me, threw me down, took my school supplies and chucked them over the school yard fence. Luckily they were in my nifty Aquaman case or I would have been playing 52-pencil, pen and crayon pick-up all afternoon. Then there was Eddie, who picked on me as I stood my post as a school crossing guard. He bullied me until I faked having a disease and being really hurt by him punching me. Then he got too scared and backed off. There was this other kid whose name I can’t remember. Andrew, I think, or Andre -whatever. Anyhow, it was lunchtime and he tried grabbing me from behind and shoving his chicken bone down my throat. Luckily I had the sense to fight and simply keep my mouth closed because I don’t even think that bastard realized I could have choked to death (coincidentally, he will join the afore-mentioned  prick friend of Frank in Hell).

Yes, as sure as the sun rises each day in the east, kids who don’t look or act like other kids we are singled out for ridicule, especially when overweight. Dr. Julie Lumeng, an assistant research scientist at the Center for Human Growth and Development at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, has authored a study whose data were just released online May 3 (and will be published in the  June issue of Pediatrics) that suggests just being overweight increases the risk of being bullied by 63 percent. And factors that usually play a role in the risk of being bullied, such as gender, race and family income, don’t seem to matter if you’re overweight — being overweight or obese trumps all those other factors when it comes to aggressive behavior from other children (no shit).

She added that researchers also hoped they might be able to find some protective factors against a bully, such as doing well in school. “What we found, much to our dismay, was that nothing seemed to matter. If you were obese, you were more likely to be bullied, no matter what,” she said (again, I say, no shit. Hell, you get picked on for being smart, too. Like having the double-whammy of being a tubby and being a “poindexter”).

And this isn’t new news. In May 2004, Ian Janssen, an obesity researcher at Queens University in Kingston, Ontario, released data that showed overweight adolescents are more likely than normal-weight children to be victims and perpetrators of bullying, bolstering evidence that being fat endangers emotional as well as physical health. The results in a study of 5,749 Canadian youngsters echoed data from British research and followed a U.S. study published in 2003 in which obese children rated their quality of life as low as young cancer patients’ because of teasing and weight-related health problems.

You’ve heard me talk about the perfect storm of factors that led to me being an obese child – not enough money to afford better, healthier foods, not learning proper portion control and lack of exercise. But I’ve neglected to correlate how being picked on can start that comfort food cycle at such a young age and how it carries into and through adulthood. Yes, adults can be and are victims of bullying, too, in the work place, at home, or even in the neighborhood bar.

People who are on a weight loss journey know they have weight to lose. It doesn’t matter whether it’s five pounds or fifty, we know we have a journey ahead of us. And it’s F&$#@*G hard enough getting that weight off and keeping it off without the words or actions of people bullying us or putting us down. Because when we’re sad we are prone to revert to actions we don’t want or need, like eating and over-eating or giving up and not exercising.

There is nothing wrong, though, with standing up and saying “piss off” to a bully and it feels damn good standing up and saying “I am bettering myself by losing weight.” I don’t know what the ultimate answer is to solving the bully problem. It’s been around forever and will be for decades to come. But as our kids become more and more obese and until such time we can reverse this almost epidemic trend the need for a watchful eye and swift action becomes necessary, both in school and home, if for no other reason than to help save a child’s self-image, self-esteem and overall emotional health.

People always pick on the easiest thing to pick on – someone’s physical attributes. However, I wish people would realize how early that vicious circle actually starts and, moreover, how words and actions really hurt people…and their battles to lose weight.

Oh, to have the metabolism of my younger self again.

If I did it would mean two things. One, that I would have again the cast iron stomach I used to have which would take everything from apples to zucchini and not blink an eye (or flap, or valve or whatever a stomach blinks). Two, it would mean the calories I consumed would be burned very quickly and weight loss would be that/much easier.

I’ve always said that if a scientist wanted to make a gagillion dollars (that’s lots and lots of billions) they would find a way to harness that energy, that metabolism, in kids and inject it into us overweight adults with the results being we become thinner and far more energetic in the process. Sigh. If only wishes were fishes…

The fact of the matter is I ate like crap last night. I ate like crap for two reasons. One, I had done some lifting and running around yesterday, was hungry and thought I might have burned off lots of calories doing what I was doing. Two, because I had been good, for the most part, all weekend I thought dinner last night (don’t even ask me about the delicious brownies) would be OK. When will I ever learn?

Sigh again. If only I had my youthful metabolism.

It’s not that I ate until I puked or anything. It’s just that since losing weight my stomach acts and reacts differently these days to certain foods, meaning it may or may not like them, churn for a bit and remind me ever so Pepto Bismol gently that I should not have a food or combination of foods. One of these days I will finally wise up, act my age and remember these instances when again faced with eating choices that aren’t so, shall we say, adult friendly.

Can you imagine what a world would be like if adults had youthful metabolisms, though? We would be running around constantly like water molecules  suddenly heated up to a boil. We would finally have flying cars because our minds would be running at that speed and ground cars like a Ferrari just aren’t fast enough. We’d invent something faster than the internet, 4G phone networks and Fios. E-mail would seem like snail mail and Twitter would be like rolled-paper faxes (sheesh, remember those). The slowest plane on earth would be the now-retired Concord. All this and more. That’s what adults would be like. We would get so much done and we wouldn’t gain weight in the process, like Michael Phelps training for the Olympics – burning calories faster than the speed of light.

Well, an overweight adult can dream, right?

Truth is as we age our bodies slow down, whether we like it or not. And while this is a fact we can still choose to stay as active as we want while eating foods that will go along with this ever-changing state of affairs in our bodies. And the truth is I can’t eat like my youthful self anymore. As much as I’d like to and as much as I sometimes can, I simply cannot.

So there is one good thing about slowing down and getting older…we do get wiser. And it’s that wisdom that helps bring about true change, in the world and with our own bodies.

Yesterday, I talked to a new friend of mine in Chicago who had recently told me about their extremely overweight friend, “Elle.” Elle is part of a lunch-bunch-like group of ladies who meet every week or couple of weeks and have fun, shoot the bull and, well, have lunch (or coffee or whatever).

Anyway, my friend, as well as others in the group, are very worried about Elle. You see, Elle is not just overweight, she is morbidly so. My friend guestimates Elle’s weight to be probably close to 400 lbs.  But moreover, Elle is having such bad health problems because of it she is in serious health danger. Elle is of fair complexion but her legs have turned dark thanks to lack of circulation. She has developed circulatory sores or ulcers on her legs for which she sees the wound center at the hospital. And she probably has more problems none of the others know about because Elle isn’t talking. Elle is floating down the river of denial (which ain’t just a river in Egypt). And she is floating closer and closer to losing her legs and, ultimately, losing her life.

Wanna know the kicker?

Elle works in a hospital, where she has access to all the health advice and care in the world, and her own brother is a doctor. When I heard that I couldn’t believe it. Here is a woman who is slowly killing herself by not addressing her growing health problems and SHE HAS HELP RIGHT AT HER FINGERTIPS!!!!

I asked my friend how the others feel and they are all concerned. Elle comes from a family that all but ignores the seriousness of the problem. Mom jokes “there goes my big girl,” but none of them address it. Apparently they are all bad at really discussing feelings and serious problems. Yes, it’s one of those families – just don’t talk about it and it will go away. Elle’s best friend, “Marney” is concerned but has given up on trying to help Elle. At this point she is more concerned with rocking the boat and losing the friendship than actually practicing tough love and risking that to potentially save someone’s life. Her excuse – if Elle wanted to do something she’d do it for herself. “I can’t make her do it.”

I sat and thought about that the rest of yesterday. It is very true that all of us overweight people, assuming we do not have health issues/conditions preventing us from losing weight, have a responsibility to help ourselves and take responsibility for our obesity. Absolutely. But I could not believe my ears when I heard Marney was more concerned about losing the friendship rather than stepping in. Doesn’t she understand that if Elle continues down this path she will lose her anyway? Whether it is piece by piece (amputations and surgeries) or all at once (stroke, heart attack)?

My friend is trying one last time to reach Elle and get her to see what’s going on. I am so keeping my fingers crossed that Elle WANTS help. Because if she doesn’t it’s over. It’s just a matter of time. And did I mention that Elle just got married last year after finally finding true love? What will he have to go through taking care of her? Why doesn’t he help?

There come times in our lives when we say the following tragic sentence: “I wish I could have done more to help…” How many times do we wish we could turn back the hands of time to help someone, or help ourselves, out of a situation that, with a little help, could have turned out differently? My friend, Marney and the rest of the group are at a time in Elle’s life when they could help Elle. At least try their best to intervene and save Elle’s life, not worrying whether or not Elle will be mad but worrying about Elle will be dead. But they turn a blind eye and a deaf ear. Tisk Tisk.

Why am I so passionate about this? I recently found out a dear friend of mine was mad at me – actually mad at me – for getting to be 400 pounds. She said “Bill, you  have always been this great guy but you were so big I was mad that you let yourself get that way. You were killing yourself.” Then I asked “Why didn’t you say anything?” And my friend said “Because it wasn’t my place.” Oh, but it was. Being the person I am, if my friends came to me and expressed concerns about my health and threatened to cut me off if I didn’t do anything I sure as hell would have. As it stands I was lucky. I bottomed out and helped myself. But Elle and her friends are at the crossroads.

If you know someone who is risking their lives with a behavior you (AND THEY) know is bad, say something. It shows you care. It shows you give a damn. It shows you want them around for years and decades to come. It actually might help make a difference. Tough love is still love and, in most cases, is the love that is NEEDED even though it’s not necessarily love that’s WANTED.

I do not want any of you, especially those of you involved in a weight loss journey, to ever say “I wish I could have done more to help.” And you know exactly why…

…because we don’t say that at weddings, bar/bat mitzvahs or office parties…we usually say that kind of sentence at funerals.

As you guys know I am in New York attending a conference on all things website. I won’t bore you with the same details with which I was almost bored to sleep (literally – I had to get coffee during one of the panels or it would have been snooze city) but overall it was a great day for day one and I did end up learning tons about stuff so that I could enhance my own weight loss website. That’s the only way I can put it because my brain is mush.

However, the biggest and best thing I learned yesterday didn’t come from one of the speakers. It came from a mom (I won’t say her name for fear she’d be embarrassed). I ran into her while waiting on the last session of the day to begin. While we both waited I started talking to her about what I do and it was as if her eyes lit up. She told me all about her son and how her son, who is only twelve, has already felt the acute sting of what it’s like to be a heavy child.

Even though he’s not obese, he was chubby and his friends and schoolmates constantly let him know in the ever-so-brutally-honest way that only children can. He was the object of jokes and they made him sad, hurt and, worst of all, alone. I so remember what it was like being an obese kid. Even though I should have fit into clothes designated for kids my age I had to get the next size or two up from that just to find stuff that fit. My “friends” made fun of my stomach and my lack of physical ability because of it. I was called “fatty,” “Buffalo Bill” (that was a popular one), “Big Bill…” You name it. And I used to go home and cry about it…then eat to try to get rid of the pain.

I know exactly what this kid is going through because I went through it myself being an overweight child. Then, as I grew into adulthood it went from bad to worse. The brutal honesty of children gave way to the absolute meanness of high schoolers. Man, they were merciless, especially at a time when I was becoming a young adult, trying to attract girls and trying to maintain what little I had left of a positive body image. That is how my sense of humor became so honed. I needed it in both grammar and high schools just to deflect that pain away from me – even if it meant being the butt of my own jokes about myself. Laughter was the only way I could hide that pain. And believe me there was a lot of pain.

As an adult the insults became less but only because adults (well, most adults) learn to mask insults. But nothing, absolutely nothing, can take the look out of someone’s eyes. You can tell what a person is thinking just by looking at them. Like when I boarded a plane…or entered a restaurant.

When I heard this mom’s story all I wanted to do was tell her son it’s OK and that he is absolutely not (I repeat NOT) alone, which is why I, thanks to her son’s story and my newly-found knowledge from yesterdays brain-scrambler series of talks and seminars, am going to devote an upcoming portion of my website to children and weight loss. I know now there are so many of us “fat kids” out there who need a place to go to know they are safe. That’s all, safe. Safe from the barbs and stings of words that cut like swords. Safe from even being made fun of because they’re crying. I used to do that, too. But no more. Thanks in part to Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” initiative childhood obesity is getting the attention it deserves, shining a light on a problem that’s been festering for decades.

This mom told me that her son has worked hard to get his own extra weight off, which he has done, but that he still says “Mom, I’m fat” when he slips or has a bad eating day (sound familiar?). But help is on the way, kid. Help is on the way. Just know there are many of us out there who has not just survived being pre-teens and teenagers, a feat in-and-of itself. We also have taken the weight off to become healthier and happier people armed with a new way of living so we never see those pounds again.

You can do it, kid. As much as I have faith the adults reading this blog will reach their weight loss goal weights, I have faith in you, too. So keep watching this site. Because through it all, us adults and you kids alike, will get to our weight loss goals. We absolutely will and we will do it together.

Hey there, my friends. I hope you guys had a great weekend. What did I do? I shoveled snow and watched this little, itty-bitty football game that was on yesterday (actually mostly for the commercials).

I was going to blog today about the commercials I liked best which, in my opinion, were the Doritos commercials. I thought they were clever, funny and memorable. Even in the commercial where the guys in the gym caught Doritos in the neck I thought they did a good job, through use of color, of making me almost taste the damn things. Yes, they worked. They made me want Doritos. Made me munch on the little orange cheddary bastards. But did I have any? No (thank God). I would have been munching on them all night.

Instead I wanted to blog about a disturbing letter I received from someone. This person is going to remain anonymous but their letter struck such chords in me I thought I’d share a couple of key (yet still all-encompassing) feelings I thought would be helpful as we all get back to our weight loss routines after Super Bowl Sunday.

This person fears becoming fat, even though they are not that overweight comparatively speaking to many of us. Why? Because of how one of their parents used to put down the other for being overweight. And to add salt to this already open wound, this person knows their spouse hates overweight people (and so do that spouse’s friends) adding to this fear of being or becoming fat and, therefore, makes this person feel self-conscious, shunned, put down and ashamed for any weight they gain.

I told this person the following things:

The spouse sounds like a selfish, judgmental taker, and that is wrong.  Just because negative opinions about overweight people are prevalent in today’s world (from the fashion world, magazines, TV, you name it) doesn’t mean anyone should put up with it. I’m just gonna throw that out there.

Also, people who judge people because they are fat suck, make us sad and make us want to eat even more. But even so, you have to try to learn, as I did, not to care what others think. This is key. You have to love yourself to take care of yourself first and foremost and do for you what you have never done before. Say NO, ENOUGH. and NO MORE. I WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOUR WORDS ANYMORE.

I am so not a psychologist/psychiatrist so what I am saying is just me offering my opinion and I always beg people to consider talking to a professional to help them with their emotional circumstances.

Again this all comes down to you being happy, especially in weight loss. I lost weight because I wanted to do this for ME and you will lose those pounds, too, but if and only if  you do it for YOURSELF and not for your friends, spouse or ghosts of your parents’ harsh words.

I hope my words help. At least help you to know you have people out there who know what being put down feels like, and who are wiling to listen, share and offer what you NEED to hear. The world is filled with mean, hateful and spiteful people with preconceived notions of why people are heavy. Screw them! They are the ones who are deficient and insecure.

For we are beautiful even if we are heavy and like Doritos from time to time.

OK, here’s a shameless plug for another part of the website. I just posted my brand new review of the Sandra Bullock movie “The Blind Side.”

As I was doing my five miles on the elliptical this morning I was thinking about that story. How incredibly lucky Michael Oher was to have found the Tuohy’s who gave him the chance he needed to be more of than he knew he actually was instead of the man that everyone saw (and about whom they made judgments).

I know exactly what that feels like and it is a truly crappy feeling. Do you know how crappy it is to walk down the street and have people look at you like less than a human being just because you are overweight? It sucks. Do you know what it’s like to be looked at getting on a plane and seeing the expressions of people already sitting there and knowing they are thinking “Oh God, please don’t let that behemoth sit next to me.” Or worst of all, to go out to eat and see people passing judgment in restaurants as you order knowing they are wondering if you’ve ordered one of everything.

To all of those people in this world, screw you!!! I was always more than what you saw I was always crying so hard on the inside (and out) because of the things you said, how you looked and how you reacted to me. Just because I was larger doesn’t mean I didn’t have feelings and didn’t mean I didn’t WANT to lose weight. It’s juts that now I’ve found my Tuohy family in hard work, exercise and eating better (and not so much).

You see, sometimes it takes a chance meeting, instance, happening or occurrence to start a person on their journey. For me, it was my health, hurting joints and crushed ego (after seeing that photo of me in the shark tunnel). That’s what snapped me out of it and set me on my path to lose 175lbs.

If there is one thing that movies like “The Blind Side” are good for it’s that, for at least a while, people think past themselves and their stupid prejudices to see the potential resting in so many of us. And while I am not saying people don’t go back to being judgmental it’s nice when people think we’re more than our weight shows us to be.

We are beautiful. We are strong. We have feelings. We cry. We also want to lose weight, we just don’t know how sometimes. So hold your tongues, thoughts and feelings and keep them to yourself. Besides the fact I’m sure you have faults of your own about which you’re not proud and don’t want brought to the forefront we are sick and f&^%$#g tired of hearing the following how big we are. We know that, dips&$t!

We just need you to do one of two things: Get out of our way and keep that negativity to yourself or offer your hand in friendship and support as we begin or continue our weight loss journey.