Determined To Succeed

You guys ever hear the urban legend about a certain fast food establishment where presumably vermin eggs were found in its meat? Of course you have. Live long enough and you’ll hear all kinds of urban legends. Some are fun and cool. Some are scary and mean. Some are just plain gross, like the story about the fast food restaurant. However, when you tell crap like that to a somewhat gullible yet very nice guy (yours truly) and you find that he won’t eat there – FOR YEARS!!!!!

OK, I will admit now that it has been a few years since I personally dispelled that disgusting urban legend (and had food at said fast food establishment) but I still think about it every single time (not all the time, don’t worry) I go through its drive-thru. And that’s with an urban legend proven fake, false and untrue.

Then why do I still drink pop (what we Midwesterners call soda)?

I have been doing so well up until last night. You see I spent about twelve hours looking at this pretty light box you youngin’s call the computer and so my whole eating day was thrown off. I had lunch at four and dinner damn-near ten (which wasn’t healthy at all), but what I really feel bad about were the pops I drank last night. Yes, pops. Plural.. Ugh. I feel so bad, like an alcoholic who slipped back into a bar and ordered themselves a bottle to go.

If you follow this blog with any regularity (I sincerely hope you do and thank you) you know several things – 1) that I always liken eating certain foods, pop and treats to being an alcoholic craving these things, but that I never make light of a serious disease like true alcoholism. 2) that these things are my Kryptonite. They are my Achilles Heel. Ugh. They are my weak spot. And why? Because (in a voice that mocks myself like a spoiled brat) “they won’t hurt me. They’re liquid and will pass out of me.”

That’s horses&%t. I should know better. I should know better because I do crave the sweet taste of pop at night. I do. I don’t know what it is. Some people have to have a cigarette. Some people have to have a glass of wine. Some people have to have chocolate. Well, I “have to have” a soda. I guess because I haven’t had it in such a little while that the urge really hit me strong in the Wawa last night. I went in for copies of the newspaper and came out with three pops – a Canada Dry Ginger Ale, A&W Root Beer and a – wait for it – Coca-Cola.

WTF!? I know. I am shaking my own head at that one. And getting back to urban legends sometimes I think it would be easier if someone invented one about drinking pop. So I could stop. I’m a poet and didn’t know it (insert Peter Griffin laugh here). I would also never say to anyone to invent such a thing because the reality of soda is far worse than fiction.

We drink pop/soda because it tastes good, quenches our thirst, and tingles pleasantly on our tongues. We hope that even if pop/soda is not healthy, at least it won’t hurt. But the reality is that it can, and it will. Regular soda ingredients include phosphorus. Too much phosphorus in your body leads to a reduction in calcium and magnesium, which are vital for a normal heart rate, nerve and muscle function, blood clotting, good bones and teeth. It can lead to tooth loss, damage your gums, cause osteoarthritis in adults and bone fractures in adolescents.

Pop also includes caffeine, which is another easy way to lose calcium. Too little calcium can cause heart rhythm irregularities and severe anxiety in susceptible people. Withdrawal from caffeine includes headaches, fatigue, muscle pain and stiffness, nausea, vomiting, and depression. Women may suffer from increased PMS (premenstrual syndrome) symptoms.

Regular soda is also loaded – LOADED – with sugar, which has no redeeming nutritional value whatsoever except for a transient increase in energy followed by a crash. Too much sugar can cause obesity and tooth enamel damage because it impedes the ability of white blood cells to kill bacteria in the mouth (I think I just felt my tooth twinge a little from the dental work I just had done the other day).

And finally, sugar in pop often comes in the form of high fructose corn syrup (HFCS), which is suspected to have a multitude of deleterious effects on the body. HFCS can interfere with minerals that the heart needs for proper function. It can cause elevated blood cholesterol and contribute to blood clots, increase uric acid – a symptom of heart disease – contribute to the development of cancer and diabetes, raise phosphorus levels, and cause diarrhea and chronic mineral losses leading to premature aging of the skin. It also contributes to copper deficiency, which in turn can lead to anemia, soft bones, connective tissue defects, obesity, infertility, heart arrhythmias, high cholesterol, heart attacks, and even diabetes.

Who needs an urban legend when you have these facts. And we won’t even get into diet soda again.

You’ve heard me say recently I’ve weaned from soda and I have. Today I am fine. I just need to seriously curtail my urge to drink pop at night, like locking the wolfman up before he changes so that, when he does, he is contained in a safe four walls. Hmmmmm, I don’t think it will come to that. All I have to do is read what I just told you and the taste goes out of my mouth pretty effectively…

…much like it did for that fast food many years ago.

Do you guys ever watch Fox’s “Family Guy” TV show? Not only is it consistently funny but it has, pound for pound, the most references to pop culture of any show ever. And as its male “lead” Peter Griffin would say – “that’s freakin’ sweet!”

There was an episode a few years back where Peter, fed up with some such thing I can’t remember in my sleepy haze,” gets his own segment of the evening news called “What Grinds My Gears,” a segment where Peter just goes off on his idiotic rants about everything from people in the 19^th century to Lindsay Lohan.

Last night as I watched “Family Guy” I got to thinking about something that really, AND ABSOLUTELY TRUTHFULLY, grinds my gears – prejudice. It comes in all shapes and sizes, figuratively and literally, and is alive and well and living on network television. Yes, you may or may not be aware of this but while sitting and watching some of your favorite shows like “Dancing with the Stars” or “American Idol” you see (or in this case don’t see) the results of prejudice – prejudice against people of size. Yep, what “grinds my gears” are the networks who show my favorite shows (“V,” “Flash Forward” and ironically “Family Guy”) actually turned away a Lane Bryant ad because it was deemed “too racy.”

This past week the Columbus, Ohio-based clothing retailer charged that ABC and FOX rejected a commercial for its new Cacique lingerie line because of a bias against plus-sized women. The ad features size-16 New York fashion model Ashley Graham enjoying feeling sexy inside a hotel room in her Lane Byrant bra and panties, receiving text messages and arranging a “nooner,” a lunchtime naughty “rendezvous” with a lover. The company wanted to place the ad on ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars” and FOX’s “American Idol.”  However, ABC refused to show the commercial during “Dancing with the Stars” without restricting the spot to the final (least-watched) moments of the show,” and Fox demanded excessive re-edits and rebuffed it three times before relenting to air it during the final 10 minutes of “American Idol,” but only after we threatened to pull the ad buy.

As Peter Griffin would say, “Are you freakin’ kidding me?”

According to ABC Vice President Julie Hoover. “We were willing to accommodate them (Lane Bryant), but they chose to seek publicity.” And I am so glad they did.  It’s hard enough in this word to be big as it is. However, without publicity, how can we know how people of size are treated in the consumer world?

Take director Kevin Smith’s recent woes aboard a Southwest Airline plane. Even though Smith acknowledge it was his wanting to take an earlier flight (one on which he purchased two seats) he was booted from a Southwest flight because he was allegedly deemed to large to fly “comfortably” in one seat. The situation may have died down since February but was, until now, the most recent (read, most visible) example of a (no pun intended) growing intolerance against people of size. If it wasn’t for the fact of his celebrity and his widely-read blog this situation would never have been known and brought into the light.

The same thing holds true for the Lane Bryant ad. Why does Lane Bryant have to extensively have to re-edit their ad (which is embedded here for you to see) when Victoria’s Secret runs ads that can be viewed as way racier? After learning about this prejudice I purposely watched spots for both and the Victoria Secret ad shows way more skin on way more women. It just so happens that those women are thin while the beautiful, full-figured model in the Lane Bryant ad is a size 16 – WHICH AIN’T THAT BIG TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!

Graham, in the New York Post, said she was shocked to learn the networks couldn’t and wouldn’t handle her ad. “I was very surprised,” she said. “The first thing I thought of was Victoria’s Secret commercials, and how they’re just as racy, if not more racy, than Lane Bryant.[The models are] just a lot smaller than what I am. They can’t handle bigger on TV, bigger boobs on a normal-sized woman on TV.”

That sucks. Why do I bring this up today? It’s not because I wanted to talk about scantily-clad women prancing around in underwear (well, OK. Maybe a little) It’s because we are heading into the weekend, prime shopping time for most people. It’s on my mind because people of size are beautiful, no matter the package in which they’re wrapped. We shop, we go out to eat, we see movies and we have feelings. We, too, like to see people like us on TV, both in shows and in ads, because we are a part of society. Some of us might be on a weight loss journey, and I fully recognize what got me to be 400 pounds was my own fault – overeating and lack of exercise – but that doesn’t mean we have to be re-edited and shuttled to the “back of the bus” in a TV show’s time slot because some of us are more “real” than the skinny so-and-sos in a Vicky’s Secret ad. Further, why can’t we be “normal characters” in ads or on shows – those who have just as much drama, laughter, sex and life – just like the thinner main characters on shows? We always seem, more times than not, to be the non-sexual, non-threatening comic relief in movies and shows. That sucks, and I, for one, am sick of it.

A Fox representative told AOL’s PopEater blog that the network did “balk at airing the Lane Bryant spot at 8 p.m. without edits,” but will air it uncut during the 9 p.m. hour of “American Idol” next week. Funny how it took some publicity to make them do this. Shame on you, Fox and ABC. That’s why I freaking “flash forward” through your commercials anyway.

We may be big but we sure as hell are beautiful. And good for Lane Bryant for sticking to it’s guns.

And that’s what “grinds my gears.” Back to you in the studio.