Determined To Succeed

Day ninety-two.

Happy Monday, everyone. Well, I barely – BARELY – survived the weekend. It wasn’t horrible but it wasn’t great either. First, I ended up eating waaaaaaaaay too much on Friday night for dinner. I did aright for breakfast and lunch. Following my egg and sausage half-sandwich for breakfast I had a bagel for lunch (since I knew I was working out on Friday afternoon with Sensei Doug). But for dinner, fuck! I ate like a pig. It was taco night and there should be a law about how good jalepenos, onions, salsa, cheese and taco meat taste on a tortilla. Yum!

Saturday,  I was honored enough to be a part of the first-annual walk for pancreatic cancer in Fairmount Park, Philadelphia, in honor of my mom, JoAnn. It was heartwarming to be surrounded by so many people who could understand that bitch disease while, at the same time, being there in positive support of all our loved ones, friends and family afflicted. It was a wonderful three-mile walk and one I will do every year, as I can, to remember the best lady in the whole world.

I love you, Mama. So much.

For lunch, I ate a wonderfully-prepared omelette (if I do say so myself) and some bacon and toast while for dinner I polished off the remainder of the taco stuff. Yesterday, for breakfast had some Pillsbury cinnamon rolls (the small ones, not Cinnabon size) and coffee while having a selection of finger foods (cheese, hummus, bread, chicken) at a great wine tasting. That ended up being my dinner (in addition to the few bite-size Snickers I had watching a Netflix flick) which was O.K.

What does all that mean? It means that, overall, while it wasn’t horrible it wasn’t great BUT I did end up weighing the same today as I did on Friday and that is a Godsend! I am still at 239.9 and am soooooo looking forward to working out today. This week also will be interesting because I will not be visiting Doug for my mixed martial arts sessions so I will have to maintain my workouts  on my own, no obligatory classes to make. But I will do it. As I told him I have my “homework” and I will do it.

So I start this week feeling pretty good. I am firmly ensconsed in eating at home and drinking Coke Zero (instead of regular Coca-Cola). I am going to workout four or five times this week to keep that up. All is good. Could this weekend have been better, of course. I could have exercised AND eaten better. However, life is to be enjoyed and I enjoyed a bit of life this weekend. If that means having two small pretzels with mustard on Saturday night (which I did), or having delicious pepper jack cheese cubes, hummus and bread with wine, so be it. I am living life and I will not ever, ever again, whether it be in my weight or any other way, take life for granted. It is short and precious and should be fully, fully appreciated.

On Saturday I felt my mom with me as I walked through that park with all those people. It wasn’t sad. It was the feeling you get when walking with your parents when you’re a kid. It was safe and warm and happy. And as long as I keep up with my better eating and exercising I will be able to have that feeling for decades to come.

Day thirty-nine.

I have a neighbor whose name is Hector. He lives just around the corner from me and he’s a friendly guy. He is always walking around the neighborhood saying “hello” to people and he always has a smile on his face whenever you see him and every day Monday through Friday he is off to enjoy a day’s worth of activities someplace nearby. Seeing Hector and hearing Hector makes me feel lucky in so many ways every single day. Why? Because Hector is physically and mentally challenged.

I am not sure exactly from what or which challenge Hector suffers but it’s clear. Whenever I see Hector he always says “hey” and I always say “hey” back but what I really want to say is “you poor guy. I am so sorry you are afflicted the way you are.” But does he or would he ever want my pity? No. He, I assume, would just want my simple understanding that he is different. That’s all. Of course he can’t run, jump or even carry on a conversation at the level you and I are used to. But in Hector’s disability comes an incredible ability – the ability to just smile and try to appreciate the life he has.

I am quite sure he and his family go through the same things other families go through when a person can’t take care of themselves. They get frustrated, angry, nervous, anxious and tired and want some type of “vacation” away from the responsibility for that level of care. My aunt told me as much taking care of my mom, JoAnn’s, during her final months and in a letter or two after she died. It is a hefty burden, indeed, to care for someone that way but it makes me think about where my life has taken me in these almost 40 years.

Over 40 days ago I was in the throws of addiction and didn’t know how, when or where to get help. But thanks to the catastrophic failures I experienced I am now on a path of sobriety and recovery. I can again really taste food, enjoy it, enjoy being outside, exercising and more…and all because my heart, mind and soul are all now one again and in the same place. It’s sad, though. Before, when I was much sicker, I never thought about the lessons Hector could teach me. Now that I can think clearly I can see the absolute lessons God, my mom’s spirit and the universe are throwing my way.

Life is just too fucking short sometimes. You hear all the time about teens having their lives cut short in accidents or by health conditions about which they didn’t know. You see on the news horrific stories about people disgruntled at work grabbing a gun and blowing people away (which unfortunately happened recently in the Philadelphia area) just because of disagreements and perceived animosities. And you see all the time people who need help just walking down the street but who give it their absolute best because they are trying to cling to what’s left of their independence. But here I was pissing my life away with addictions, which did include food, wasting the gifts I was given for such a long time.

They say youth is wasted on the young. Well, so is health sometimes.

I would dare me, you, kids these days – anybody – to trade places with Hector for just five minutes. Use some sci-fi machinery to switch bodies for just five minutes and I would bet you anything, ANYTHING, that each and every person who did that would forever appreciate even the simplest of gifts like mobility and speech, gifts we all too often take for granted. In these sobering days I am soooooo appreciating life in ways I never imagined before because I could see where my life was going and where I would have ended up. I have always said to you I know I would have died sooner and not later if I stayed at 400 pounds and I will believe that until the day I see my mom again.

Why am I so down today? I’m not really, for if you listen you will hear the voice of someone who is breathing again and someone who is loving life and who will always do his best from now on to live each day well and appreciate everything in it. Even the simple ability to type out this silly weight loss blog every damn day is a gift, as is the gift of being able to exercise, take my mixed martial arts class and keep my weight in check so I can enjoy activities I’ve never done before. I will also no longer be bad about my eating because I don’t want to gain that weight back for if I did, that would be spitting in the face of all we work so hard to do every single day to maintain weight loss. It would also insult my mom. No,  I will not squander life and it’s gifts, including time, ever, EVER again.

So, the next time you are down about anything go for a walk, exercise, write a letter or talk to a friend. They may seem like simple things to you and me but these are all things Hector can’t do. And just when you think life isn’t going your way remember I know one guy who lives just around the corner who, I’m sure, would be more than happy to trade places with any one of us in a heartbeat to live the lives we live and be free from his own limitations.

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Day thirty-seven.

Last night I had the pleasure of attending the presentation of the 2010 Liberty Medal at Philadelphia’s National Constitution Center. The medal was presented by former president Bill Clinton to Britain’s former prime minister, Tony Blair,  honoring his success resolving the conflict in Northern Ireland and his ongoing pursuit of peace in the Middle East and Africa. But even as I listened to the incredibly worth-while reasons to give such a distinguished honor to a bloke I liked when he was in office in the U.K., I was thinking about two other things – my recent weight gain and, of course, the motivation to take it off.

I know you must be saying, “what is this yahoo talking about weight loss for when he’s attending a ceremony honoring a world leader?” Well, my friends I will tell you. It had to do with one of the seven lessons of liberty learned by former prime minister Blair in his efforts to bring change to the world. In fact, it was the first one that struck me the most – “Every milestone on the road to liberty marks a struggle. . . . opposition, even defeat, and occasionally desperation along the way.”

That hit me like a ton of bricks because I could instantly equate it to weight loss. I even played with the words a bit just to see if it would fit and it did.

“Every milestone on the road to weight loss marks a struggle. . . . opposition, even defeat, and occasionally desperation along the way.”

I thought about the milestones on my own weight loss journey, including the struggles to just take the first ten pounds off. I thought about the current weight I need to re-lose. I also thought about all the pain and emotion in-between and it fit, incredibly and absolutely. However it also proves that not only is weight loss possible but that it is also not a clear, smooth road and that it can and will be difficult at times and those difficult times are to be expected.

Losing weight is a struggle, one that requires you to take care of the one person who needs you the most – you. But there will be times when you don’t feel like going on, and when you feel like giving up because it just ain’t worth it. Believe me, I’ve been there. But in what Mr. Blair said is the truth of it – there is hard work in achieving any goal worth achieving and it wouldn’t be noteworthy once you reach that goal unless you had to absolutely climb some mountain, miss some pothole or get over some bump to get there. That is what makes milestones milestones. Because of what you had to get through to get there, they are a marker of success. They are a marker of your success.

The other point Mr. Blair made about peace, the seventh, that could also be applied to weight loss was this: “Liberty needs optimism. . . . No one has ever achieved anything by being a cynic or a pessimist.” He added that peace ultimately came to Northern Ireland primarily “because the people felt it could happen. That optimism of the human spirit is what drives liberty.” So let’s switch out a word or two…

“Weight loss needs optimism. . . . No one has ever achieved true and sustained weight loss by being a cynic or a pessimist.” Losing weight ultimately happened to those committed to it primarily “because the people felt it could happen. That optimism of the human spirit is what drives us to our weight loss goals.”

See? Even at a very cool ceremony honoring peace we can also find a way to honor our struggles in our own battles of the bulge.

I guess I took this to heart so much because I am now back on my way down in my own weight loss. I am down a pound today and am feeling every ounce of it gone from my body (thank God). It’s a good feeling knowing I have not only recommitted to my life and my soul but also to my weight loss and am not using food to numb pain or shame. I love food but I should use it for more than just yummy fuel. It is not a drug and it is not to be used to numb away pain.

I may talk about more of Mr. Blair’s lessons tomorrow as several more could also be applied to our struggles as the large trying to become smaller and lighter. But for today this is a great start. Or should I say re-start. So thank you, Mr. Blair, wherever you are. Your words prove that there is commonality in this world if we just get past our own petty bullshit to find it. THAT, my friends, is what will eventually save this planet. And it’s that commonality that makes our fellowship in weight loss stronger and helps us to know none of us are alone.

There’s no better time like the present.

How many times do we hear and say those words? And how many times do we hear and say those words and then NOT back them up with an action? If you answered “a lot,” then you are not alone. I, too, am guilty of saying “hey, let’s do this now while we still can,” only to have “this” be as fleeting as a dream you can’t remember the next day.

I bring this up because of something that happened yesterday here in Philadelphia, the kind of thing that makes you stop in your tracks.You see the search continues today for two people still missing after yesterday’s boating accident on the Delaware River. A tourist “Duck Boat” ride sank shortly before 3pm, after it was hit by a barge in the Delaware River. And of the 37 people on the boat two are still missing and presumed dead.

It is horrible news, indeed, yet it is the kind of news that can make you, me and everyone else actually do some of the “this” we always say we are going to do. Because time is short, my friends. Very short. I felt time’s acute sting in June 2009 when my mom, JoAnn, died. From the day we found out it was pancreatic cancer to the day she died it was only 18 days. 18 short days. And every day after I have viewed life as a gift. I went to Egypt in her honor afterward and made a promise to myself I would see more of the world while I still can – because you never know what could happen tomorrow (like those poor people who signed up to take a stupid “Ride The Ducks” tour and ended up being capsized in the Delaware fighting for their lives on a record-setting hot day).

Before 2005, I made broken promises to myself (and others) to lose weight. My old landlady used to chide me all the time and say, in a very cute broken English/Greek accent, “Beeel. You need to drop the weight. Yes?” Before that, as I told you guys before, I used to hide behind lies when asked if I was losing weight. I may have lost ten here or five there but always said “no” so I had a way to go back when I failed. And believe me I always did.

But one day in 2005 I “bottomed out” and said no more. I am going to do “this” today and I started. And once I did I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. There was momentum, and it was different that time. I could feel it. And it might have taken me three-and-a-half years but I got to that promised land. I got to that promise I made to myself. I got to my “this.”

What I am saying to you is that, if you are thinking about starting to lose weight, you should just start. Today. Right now. There really is no better time like the present. I mean you know as well as I do it ain’t going to mysteriously happen overnight and you and I both ain’t gonna wake up the next day magically looking like we want to at the weight we want. It takes time, hard work, patience and vision to know you WILL get there. But every day you put it off, every day you delay that start, you waste time plain and simple. And time is something none of us are sure we ever have. Just ask those souls who thought they signed up for a simple couple of hours touring Philly by boat yesterday.

You bet your ass this is a wake up call for you, but not an angry one. If you are afraid it is time to confront that fear. It is time to acknowledge, at least to yourself, what is driving that fear and beat it. It is time to say “I am not going to be afraid” because that, my friends, is the only thing standing in your way – even if it’s the fear of succeeding. But fear is only holding you back if you let it, and you losing weight – meaning being healthier and living a longer, better, fuller, richer, easier life – is within your grasp.

Time is fleeting, my friends. And if things like yesterday’s boat accident on the Delaware (or September 11, 2001, or any number of events) teach us anything it’s to cherish our lives and make the most of them and the time we have on this planet. It’s what we got. It’s all we got. But different than that horrific accident, this “this” is within your power to change.

There is no better time like the present, and no better time to begin a weight loss journey. Your life can have so many days added on to it and the life you save and extend could very well be your own.

You guys know me and my fave beverage of choice – an ice-cold Coca-Cola. However I am not sure if I’ve ever told you guys about my extreme dislike for Diet Coke. Yes, as much as I love “regular” I can’t stand the taste of “unleaded.” I am also one of those people who will only drink certain diet sodas because of the crappy after taste. On my list of decent diet drinks: Diet Dr. Pepper, Diet Canada Dry Ginger Ale, TAB and Diet A&W Root Beer. Other than those few I’d rather drink motor oil (well, OK, I wouldn’t but you get the picture).

As we start having warmer days and want to get our bodies in shape for summer (mine included), my thoughts turn to diet soft drinks. So many people I know love – LOVE – diet drinks, especially Diet Coke. But as today’s temperatures climb to almost 90-degrees here in the Philadelphia/South Jersey area I am wondering exactly how (and if) diet drinks will actually help someone lose weight? Well, more and more studies show they aren’t helping. They also show they even hurt.

Some food (or drink) for thought today before you “hit the road:”

Diet soda isn’t the silver bullet to weight loss it’s often made out to be. Nor does it prevent weight gain. In fact, drinking diet soda is strongly correlated with obesity. When people drink sweet diet sodas our bodies get the message that sweet, high-calorie foods are coming to nourish it. However, when no sweets and/or calories follow the body gets confused: where are the promised calories we need? This may then stimulate your hunger for other high-calorie, sweet foods and drinks (sweeter cereals, snacks, breads and desserts) which may, in turn, lead to weight gain. Also, by getting ourselves used to so much artificial, higher-concentrated sweet, normal sweet flavors such as fruit become bland and so do other healthful foods such as grains and vegetables, thus reducing our willingness to consume them and ultimately the quality of our diet is affected

Further, some health experts speculate that, while diet soda doesn’t cause obesity, people who are starting to put on weight think choosing diet soda alone will stop the process. Meaning, you can’t go into a fast-food restaurant, eat a high-calorie, fatty meal and say, ‘Oh, it’s OK, because I had diet soda.’ If you don’t do anything else but switch to a diet soft drink, you are not going to lose weight. Also, drinking multiple cans of diet soda every day squeezes out from our diets the healthful beverages – juices, water and teas – that can best benefit and truly hydrate our bodies.

Finally, there is still some suspicion – not confirmed – that aspartame, the low-calorie chemical used to sweeten diet sodas, may have some bad health effects. Some animal studies have linked consumption of high quantities of the chemical to brain tumors and lymphoma in rodents. The Food and Drug Administration has certified the sweetener’s safety, but reported side effects include dizziness, headaches, diarrhea, memory loss and mood changes.

Eeeeeewwwwww! He said diarrhea….

A diet soda study, conducted by the University of Texas Health Science Center, studied data on 1,550 Americans ages 25 to 64. The participants were studied for 7 to 8 years. Results showed that total soft drink consumption was tied to increased rates of obesity, but – perhaps surprisingly – participants drinking only diet soda faced the highest obesity rate of all, even greater than that of participants drinking both regular and diet drinks. What exactly is the obesity risk for diet pop (as we say in Chicago and the Midwest) drinkers? The study found an obesity risk of 37.5% for those drinking 1/2 to 1 can of diet soda daily, 54.5% risk of obesity for those drinking 1 to 2 cans daily, and a whopping 57.1% risk for those drinking more than 2 diet pops per day.

Wow!

With so much to do today remember healthier choices abound. Start your day with a small glass of 100 percent fruit juice. Drink skim milk with meals. Sip water throughout the day. For variety, try sparkling water or add a squirt of lemon or cranberry juice to your water. Save diet soda for an occasional treat if you want to have it because, like anything and everything else, taken in moderation it’s OK.

Just not as OK as you might think (or drink).

Happy Monday, my friends. Let’s start this week off with a basic refresher science lesson. I know, I know. “It’s too early in the week for physics and I haven’t had my coffee yet.” But stick with me. This one’s easy…

You guys have heard of Newton’s First Law of Motion, right? Newton’s First Law of Motion states that a body at rest will remain at rest unless an outside force acts on it, and a body in motion at a constant velocity will remain in motion in a straight line unless acted upon by an outside force.

The southern New Jersey and Philadelphia areas have had rain since yesterday, with more rain expected tomorrow. It’s cool (somewhere in the 40s) and the skies have a light grey look to them. Drops of rain gently hit puddles of collected water in the streets outside creating small ripples colliding with other competing small ripples and you can hear the wet rolling of the tires on cars as they drive by on the street.  In general, this is a blah day indeed, perfect for just kicking-back, finding a good old movie on TCM or some such channel and curling up on the couch.

It is such a struggle on days like today to get up and get moving. My body, which has pretty much just woken up, still feels “at rest” and would be more than happy to stay “at rest” and let today be spent watching those drops of rain hit puddles, stay under the covers or on the couch while listening to the wet car wheels roll by as I mentioned above. In other words, my body would be more than happy not to have an outside force (me getting up to exercise) cause it to lose its “at rest” status.

Because I am human, rainy days are perfect examples of when I fight the urge NOT get up and exercise.

It would be so easy to justify not getting up, putting on my gym clothes and working out on the elliptical. I’d blame it on the rain (oh, great! Now I’ve got a Milli Vanilli song going through my head!) and say to myself “I’ll just get up and workout doubly hard tomorrow.” Sound familiar? I know it does to me. I can’t tell you how many times in my fat life I’ve said those words. And I’m not saying I won’t ever say them again. I am human, after all. I just won’t say them today because on the good news front, thanks to some smart eating choices, cutting out soda (yes, including my beloved ice-cold Cokes) and exercising, I survived the weekend and am back to 236.5. Just eleven pounds to go before my goal weight is re-achieved.

With that in mind I am willing my body to be “in motion.” I am telling myself to get up and get moving. This weight ain’t gonna lose itself and even though it is a perfect, lazy rainy day I will get up and stay in motion at a constant velocity and will not be acted upon by the outside force of me wanting to be lazy and not workout today. I am going to get my workout “on” and will do my 4 miles on the elliptical, push-ups, sit-ups, weight machines and dumbbells. I will stay on my downward trend.

See, science and physics are not too terribly bad on a Monday, are they? Well, at least as reminders to get up and get moving to achieve a weight loss goal.

Have you guys ever been to Las Vegas? If you have you know that the opportunity to gamble hits you as soon as you get off the plane. Near every gate slot machines welcome you much like the wonderful hula dancers do in Hawai’i. Except instead of Leis and the sounds of island music you are welcomed with the pings, dings and electronic sounds that beckon you to come a “throw a few in” before hitting “the Strip.”

For me going home to Chicago is the same kind of experience, except instead of really cool flowered necklaces or blinky “one-armed bandits” I am welcomed by the temptations of Chicago food, starting with the Chicago-style hot dog. I don’t remember if I’ve ever described to you how absolutely yummy a Chicago-style hot dog is so I’ll start with it’s ingredients:

One sesame seed hot dog bun steamed to perfect softness, one Vienna Beef frank, mustard (and absolutely never, under penalty of being shown to the next departing flight, do you EVER add ketchup), onions, nuclear green relish (Chicagoans know what I mean when I say nuclear green), hot peppers, cucumbers, tomato slices and a pickle wedge topped off with a sprinkle of celery salt. Now that’s good eatin’, and the beginning of my visit home.

Some of you might be saying “that’s too much crap to put on a hot dog.” Well, no it’s not. That’s why hot dogs are famous in Chicago.  They are absolutely delicious, and like the Sears Tower or Wrigley Field (my Field of Dreams), a part of the city itself. But the beauty of this is equal to the problem with it – it begins in the airport and it ends in the airport.

Whenever I go home my friends here in the Philadelphia/South Jersey area ask me “so Bill. Are you going to have any Chicago pizza when you get home? Or that Italian Beef sandwich you keep talking about?” And the answer is never easy. I say “Nah. This trip I’m going to have my favorite Chinese food (at least an egg roll or two). Maybe a hot dog.” You see I have to be sooooo careful whenever I go home because a trip home usually means being tempted by the same foods that helped me grow to be over 400 pounds.

Today, I was lucky enough to have one of my hometown papers, the Chicago Sun-Times, do a story on me and weight loss and that’s what got me thinking about going home and eating. It’s so automatic. It’s so instant. It’s so tempting. Most of all, it’s so dangerous. All the foods I love in my favorite place in the entire world – home. It’s comforting and dangerous and so very tempting to have my home food experience begin as soon as I get off that plane.

But do I enjoy myself? You bet your a – er, I mean, bottom dollar – I do. But now I have to be almost hyper aware of my surroundings, situations and emotions whenever I’m near my favorite places – like 65 Seafood Restaurant, my favorite Chinese Food and egg roll in the city, near the corner of Michigan Avenue & Wacker (Wacker. Wacker. It is funny sounding, I know, but a street name, nonetheless).The legendary Superdawg on the corner of Milwaukee and Devon (pronounced de-VAHN by us natives), or Portillos in the heart of downtown on the corner of Ontario and Clark. Even Gene & Jude Red Hot Stand on River Road who hand-cut their delicious french fries right in front of ya’. That’s tasty eatin’, indeed. Not to mention my South Side/Hyde Park favorites – Harold’s Chicken (best damn fried chicken in the city), Ribs ‘N Bibs and Valois, a restaurant known as much for its wonderful all-walks-of-life clientele as it is for its “see your food” cafeteria-style method of serving.

You can see how a Chicago boy like me could grow up to grow out so much. This is what I have to be hyper aware of when I go home – the cravings for all these foods bombarding me like the beautiful neon and lighted signs and pings, dings and blinks of the slot machines that are abound in Las Vegas.

Nowadays, I am better. Not perfect, but better, about eating if/when I go home. I certainly give myself a big pep talk before stepping foot on my homeward bound plane saying “OK, Larson. You know you need to make smart choices. If you’re gonna have this you can’t have that. Got it?” And if I am lucky I do avoid giving in to the culinary temptations that surround me almost at every corner.

However I do admit having slot machines in the airport is a smart deal. They may not get you coming in, but, ideally, you’ve had so much fun you want just one last taste of it before heading back to reality, especially when waiting for your flight. This is the exact thing I feel in C Terminal at O’Hare International Airport. Whenever I’m home I have a blast just walking the streets that I want one more Taste of Chicago before heading back to Philly…

…one more hot dog for the road.

And for those history buffs out there…

The “Chicago Style” hot dog got its start from street cart hot dog vendors during the hard times of the Great Depression. Money was scarce, but business was booming for these entrepreneurs who offered a delicious hot meal on a bun for only a nickel. The famous Chicago Style Hot Dog was born! They’d start with a Vienna Beef hot dog, nestle it in a steamed poppyseed bun and cover it with a wonderful combination of toppings: yellow mustard, bright green relish, fresh chopped onions, juicy red tomato wedges, a kosher-style pickle spear, a couple of spicy sport peppers, cucumber and finally, a dash of celery salt. This unique hot dog creation with a “salad on top” and its memorable interplay of hot and cold, crisp and soft, sharp and smooth, became America’s original fast food and a true Chicago institution.

There are times, my friends, I honestly don’t know what to write for my blog. My mind is a complete blank.  Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nothing. I start the day today with an empty page that is just staring back at me, knocking on the screen and saying “hey you. Yeah, you. Get to typing already.” I even look to my crunchy (extra sugary) cup of joe from Dunkin’ Donuts to wake me up and give me inspiration but it doesn’t (especially because today’s cup is “off” and doesn’t taste so good).

I’ll start by updating you on how I did yesterday playing tour guide in Philadelphia. I was so sure I would be eating a ton while out and about enjoying the sights of Philly – the Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, National Constitution Center, Art Museum and Old City. But thanks to some excellent will (Bill) power and lots of walking I ended up not eating cheesesteak after cheesesteak, which is awesome. I even lost a pound in the process.

It’s especially awesome because, true to form, it’s Friday and I am stressing a bit about the weekend. I know I shouldn’t, especially since I’ve been much better about recognizing that sometimes it’s this stress that actually causes me to overeat. So I head into this weekend better than I have the past few. I am now in day three of my Coke detox, which is good, and I only had one soft drink all of yesterday – my can of TAB. Yes, TAB. That TAB. Do you guys know how much crap I got for that in e-mails yesterday? I feel like such a throwback. Not “yabba-dabba-do” throwback but close.

Anywho…I have also been stressing lots lately in light of gaining some pounds back. I think constantly about what I’ve been eating – “should I have this?” and “can I have that?”, particularly if I am out with friends. Grrrrr. It’s all about choices, I know. But sometimes those choices seem constant and the constant bombardment of them gets my mind into a frazzled “I’m really sick of this” state.  I am human, and I get sick of having to walk away from the stuff I know is bad and calorie-filled but tastes so damned good. I love me my beef fried rice, my strawberry ice-cream, a really nasty burger and my ice-cold Coca-Cola. I start wishing I could eat like Albert Brooks and Meryl Streep did in “Defending Your Life,” with no consequence at all to the waistline or weight. I just get fed up, tired and my brain starts meltdown with all the thoughts running through it.

So I guess starting my mind with a blank slate today is kind of good. My mind is cleared like the clouds that cleared away to reveal the sun here in southern New Jersey. And with this clearer mind I can focus on tasks and choices as they come up instead of worrying about a ton of things at one time before they are even presented – like worrying about what to eat, when and where.  Do you guys obsess about eating like this? It may not happen often but it does for me on occasion.

Thankfully. My mind is clear as a bell this morning. A liberty Bell that is…

Maybe it was all that Coke I was drinking?

Because I write a weight loss column (and am a freelance writer) for the Courier-Post newspaper in southern New Jersey I get to do a few very cool things. For example, I got to cover the Pearl Jam concerts closing down Philadelphia’s beloved Spectrum sports and concert venue. It was very cool being with these photographers from other papers who had their thousand-dollar cameras that each had thousand-dollar lenses taking pictures of the band while I am there with my simple point-and-shoot digital camera – the kind you take on vacation – taking photos this/close to Eddie Vedder. Amazing.

Another of the cool things I get to do is interview people who can offer insight into weight loss. I’ve interviewed personal trainers, doctors and other “big loser” weight loss success stories – all of whom I hope help my readers find the motivation to start or continue a weight loss journey.

Yesterday, I did something daring and bold. I decided I wanted to do an interview with two people very close to public pulse of weight and weight loss. Dr. Sanford Siegal (creator of the famed “Cookie Diet”), who has decided to dig into his own pocket to pay Donna Simpson of New Jersey the sum of $50,000 (!) if she agrees to stop trying to get to her 1,000-pound weight goal and start losing. And Donna Simpson, herself. I’ve written about her before. This woman has a desire to become the “fattest woman in the world,” and is well on her way to doing it. Currently weighing between 600-700 pounds she consumes 12,000 (that’s right – 12,000) calories a day to get to her goal weight. I want to interview her to hear for myself WHY she wants to slowly eat herself to death. WHY she wants to get to such a point she can’t function on her own anymore. WHY she wants to not be able to leave her own house, tend to her poor children who have to see her do this to herself thanks to an enabling husband, and most importantly WHY she wants this kind of attention on herself for GAINING the weight you, me and everyone on a weight loss journey struggle to lose every single day.

I may be off my rocker but when I think of “goal weight” I think of actually trying to LOSE weight and set healthy weight goals. Like losing 5, 10, 20, 50 pounds, maybe more. Not gain the equivalent to two-times the amount of weight I lost to finally get to my weight loss goal. That’s, quite simply, crazy talk and I want to hear from her mouth (I can’t quite bring myself to say horse’s mouth since she’s eating like one) her reasons for doing this.

I have to admit it’s hard trying to remove my personal feelings from the questions I am devising for this woman as I have to retain a level of distance between myself and the subject. But I can’t help but be passionate about not only her seemingly lame-brained weight goal but also her seemingly intentional need for attention using a perverted, reverse cry for help. Like she’d be somehow invisible without it all. Is this a cry for help? Does she want to not be in this situation (her life, relationship, be a mom, etc.) and this is how she sees getting out of it? Does she want this attention and would she try to get to this goal without it?Does she even have any self-esteem and/or respect left? Might you want to lose it once you’ve gotten to 1,000 pounds? And, if so, do you think that will be as easy as packing the weight on?

I have so many questions because I think it’s important to keep your head on straight when it comes to weight loss, and this woman and her “goal” is scary for two reasons. One, this WILL and IS getting her the attention she wants. And yes, I am included in that. Two – there might be people out there so weak-minded (and not in a cruel way just in a lost way) that might say “hey, I need and want attention, too, so I’ll do this too.” But while I am part of that media circus surrounding this story I also do it do say to all my readers “DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME! THIS IS STUPID! THE HUMAN BODY WAS NEVER MADE TO WEIGH 1,000 POUNDS AND IF YOU DO THAT YOU ARE EATING YOURSELF TO DEATH!”

Yesterday I wrote about a dear friend in Chicago struggling to help save the life of one of her dear friends, “Elle,” who doesn’t want to address her own weight loss and health issues, and how that is killing her. How my friend’s friends have all given up and are willing to turn a blind eye to Elle who obviously is feeling so far gone it’s too late. But it’s not too late, neither for Elle or for Donna Simpson. I go back to my own weight loss tenets:

TELL EVERYONE to build a support system and to hold yourself more accountable

WHEN YOU CAN, PURGE YOUR “FAT CLOTHES” to give yourself no way back to being larger

LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO START AND BE BE FORGIVING OF YOURSELF TO CONTINUE

KNOW THIS WILL TAKE TIME – Sustained weight loss and maintenance should and will be a part of your life for the rest of your life.

KNOWING YOU ARE WORTH IT TO MAKE THE TIME – You are so worth this effort and work, and you are so worth the rewards you will see on your journey.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Keeping these in mind can and does help. Believe me, and I use them myself every day in my quest to re-achieve my weight loss goal of 225 pounds. And as of today I am down a pound. And as hard as that pound was to take off I will continue to whittle down, pound by precious pound, my number. It is that important. Quality of life is that important. And while I am no where naive enough to think the questions of one freelance reporter amount to a hill of beans in this crazy weight-gaining world, maybe the collective questions from us all, the offer from that doctor and the eyes of her own children will be enough to have her stop this insanity and return to the land of the living.

We will see. Stay tuned…