Determined To Succeed

I swear, sometiimes you can equate gaining weight to snow.

Throughout the week weathercasters in the Philadelphia area (who are quite regularly wrong) predicted that the snow/precipitation cycle heading our way would basically miss South Jersey. So as I watched a few flakes fall I figured “eh, this is nothing. It will be a few flakes and nothing more.”

By the end of the night South Jersey received about two or so inches of snow. Not a lot by any stretch (especially for someone from Chicago) but enough to make you say “Jeez. Where did this come from?”

Weight can be the same way, and through a few days of accumulated “bad” eating here and there (you know, having beef fried rice here or Milky Way there) weight can increase just like that snow did. All it takes is us saying “eh, this is nothing. It will be a few calories and nothing more.”

But this time the inches we gain won’t melt away as easily because they’re on your waist instead of on the ground.

As we are about to enter a brand new week full of possibility, work, stress, emotions, etc., take time to note HOW you are eating and WHEN. I know I have mentioned this a lot lately. That’s because I’ve done some serious soul-searching as to the WHYs I eat (or overeat). I pay attention more to WHEN and HOW MUCH because when I have lots on my mind on which to chew I tend to want something to eat – so that I’m physically chewing on something at the same time.

Knowing this pattern helps me more than you’ll ever know.

So pay attention to the small “flakes” in your life. Be them candy, popcorn, egg rolls, chips, doughnuts, fries, Milky Ways, etc. Each thing by itself won’t be enough to derail you. But added up, these can pose a serious threat to your weight loss journey. But more to the point, this is the time when you need to start examining what’s going on inside your head and heart to figure out the source of your stress, anxiety, sadness, nervousness, etc. – emotions that could lead to excessive and unnecessary extra eating. In any weight loss journey saying “I love myself enough to begin” is essential and saying “I will take care of me, my weight and my health” is key.

This way when it snows you’ve already laid down a layer of salt so your streets are clear and no “snow” accumulates. And the road you travel is a much easier-traveled road for it.

Last night was an OK night but I have to admit I gave in to two of my kryptonite foods – beef fried rice and Coca-Cola. But I didn’t do it because I was weak (well, not totally). Actually I did it to celebrate. You see yesterday a photographer from the Philadelphia Inquirer came by to take a shot or two for an article that is going to run on the website in Monday’s paper (I will get you guys a link as soon as it does). That was pretty cool. Hopefully people will see my story and know they are not alone in this weight loss journey we are all doing.

This morning, after consuming said Chinese food and Coke (which I did watching the always awesome film “Purple Rain”), I am just up a half-pound. Not too bad actually. And I am going to be super good this weekend. Especially when I think about that photographer’s friend about whom I learned during the shoot.

I can’t tell you the friend’s name because she never said the name but she did share with me that the friend was struggling so hard with weight. She was having some severe joint pain. She has just been diagnosed with high blood pressure.  She was working out and lost weight but gained it back. Lots of emotional stress going on in her life.

Wow. Sound familiar? It sure as hell did to me. So I spent some time talking to my new photographer friend about my story and what I do to keep the weight off including the healthier fruit snacks I bought whenever I get an attack of the munchies (Clementines are the best). I told her how much I exercise and try to be good about eating. But that once in a while, as a treat, I do indulge (as I did last night) in Chinese food and Coca-Cola.

I also told the photographer I felt a kinship to this person and that I understand the emotional side of it all. Things like frustration, anger, shame and food addiction. I really do. Like a vicious circle it is, craving and eating food but being ashamed of actually eating it and how many pounds it can put on. How you hide in comfort zones. Man. So many similar feelings came up. Like wanting to scream because everyone thinks fat people are supposed to be jolly and happy which is a silly stereotype since everyone has real emotions and there were times that, while fat, I sure as hell wasn’t jolly. Not when you have to ask for seatbelt extenders on planes and feel like you have to apologize for being larger than the average bear.

But then things got lighter. I told the photographer about donating all my fat clothes so I had no way to go back. I told her about my new-found energy. I told her that I simply feel better. And when I was asked if people treat me differently I say yes, especially since I feel I am the same person I was when I was larger. I know my body has changed but my spirit, the thing that drives me, is still the same (kind of like the tagline for last year’s Vin Diesel movie “Fast & Furious” – New Model. Original Parts).

When we concluded the shoot I told the photographer friend to recommend my website to her. I just wanted her friend to know through my stories and this site she wasn’t alone in this. To love herself enough to put herself first and, through that, her weight loss goal would be achieved. I hope she takes me up on that.

To everyone out there you are doing a great job. Even if you are doing just a few sit-ups every day. That is more than what you were doing and that is great. If you are cutting back on soda and chips and walking, that is awesome. Keep it up. As for me I am getting my butt to the gym so I can work off that half-pound.

Not so that I can eat more beef fried rice and drink more Coke. But so that the feeling of celebration can continue throughout the coming weekend.

Well, it’s finally happened. I finally got off my plateau and dropped a pound.

All I have to say is WOOHOO!

In these battles for losing poundage this pesky little pound was hard fought but I did it and I am pleased. And today I am 236.7. Thank goodness. That was some good news this morning countered almost immediately by the heart-racing, anxious feeling you get when the blue screen of death comes on.

All I have to say is AIEEEEEEE!

(Knock on wood) All seems to be better now and I head into this weekend excited about this new downward trend that I hope continues. Especially since a photographer from the Philadelphia Inquirer is coming to take a few pictures today for an article running in Monday’s edition about my weight loss journey and this website. I am very excited.

I’ve realized something along the way – I need to keep healthier snacks in the house for times like these, when my emotions make me prone to overeating and snacking. I have to admit I’ve had to attack snacking almost as much as I’ve attacked my Coke habit (again, the soft drink not the icky powder stuff). So I went to the store yesterday and got myself several healthier snacks including some awesome looking bananas, some peaches and, best of all, some Clementines. Those seedless oranges are the perfect snack. They not only quench your thirst for something sweet (like a Coke would) but they also give you something to chew. And anyone with a food addiction like me likes to feel as though we are eating something. I don’t know WHY that is. It just is.

I am doubly glad I did because yesterday I wrote another emotional entry in my “Memories of My Mother” blog. It was about buying one  of those Throwback Pepsi bottles you’re seeing commercials for these days. I tried one in hopes I would have a small taste (literally and figuratively) of my childhood. Well, as they say, you can’t go home again and I became very sad. So sad I did what I do. I reached for food.

Although this time I grabbed much healthier snacks after a good cry, and I felt better. So as I plopped down on my couch and watched “Goodfellas” (which is an amazing movie, by the way) I felt a bit of relief that I had the foresight to get those fruits on which to snack. That I didn’t get any Coca-Cola for the house. I just reached for my darling Clementines and they were good. And refrigerated they are the best.

Last weekend I said I was going to be a weekend food warrior. This weekend I think I’m just gonna pull back a notch or two and just THINK about what I’m eating and WHEN. I will be careful in my food and drink choices and take each meal as it comes.  I am not going to predict I will be the best but will just be the best I can be at each meal. That’s all I can do.

That’s all any of us can do. So that by weekend’s end I can be happier, food-wise. And maybe, just maybe, shave another pound off the old waist in the process. I’ll keep you posted.

It’s a bit wet today in the Philadelphia area today. However I wake up today feeling much better than when I started the weekend and why? Because I am back down to 237.6 as of this morning. Woohoo! Take that, calories and fat!

So yesterday I didn’t do much of anything except meet a friend for coffee at Starbucks which meant I had to definitely watch my calorie intake (it just felt like a good day to be a slug). So I started the day with a flavored coffee from Starbucks and a reduced fat piece of cinnamon cake from Starbucks. believe it or not I actually prefer the coffee and food of Dunkin’ Donuts but I was in a hurry so I grabbed what I could. Sheesh, that turned out to be quite filling as I didn’t eat again until, like, three o’clock, when I got myself together and headed to Wendy’s (the little red-haired girl I always mention) and got some chili with cheese and onions – mmmmmm – and a Jr. Frosty (I just had a taste). Both were excellent. It wasn’t until after eight o’clock or so I actually had dinner – a delicious spaghetti and meat sauce Lean Cuisine (they really are the best brand).

While I did snack a bit over the weekend with the decadent little 100-calorie snack packs of Hostess Cupcakes and Twinkies I DID NOT have a single Coca-Cola yesterday. In fact, I seriously cut back on my amount of Coke this entire weekend which was great.

So I start this rainy, wet week trending downward again but feeling great. I promised I would let you guys know what I ate this weekend and I did. So thank you for letting me share. How did you all do? Sure it was a weird weekend for me in terms of what I ate and where, but I also knew I needed some better food choices, better portion control and more exercise. Knowledge a new way of life brings you when you maintain weight loss.

I also enjoyed the delicious calories when they came because I’m not going to be a miserable, grumpy bastard when it comes to food.

This week, I continue to eat light, exercise and continue this new downward trend. Just two pounds to get back to the “Battle of the Final Ten.” After that, the goal is again in sight…

…off in the distance and through the rain.

Happy Friday my friends. First, a huge shout-out to all the peeps out there visiting from all across the United States and Canada and abroad. Everywhere from Spain to Thailand, the U.K. to India and South Africa. Thank you all. Please keep coming back. I appreciate you all. And tell others to check in. We are in this together.

Well, here we are at the end of the week. I am back down to 235, just ten pounds above my goal weight (thank God) and working out every day. I’ve gotta say it’s a pain but I do it. There are so many days I don’t wanna get up and work out, but I do. I have to or the food I ate yesterday will go straight to my ass and thighs and add weight to me.

And not for nothin’ I have to tape a segment for the Philadelphia ABC affiliate, WPVI-TV, on Monday so I have to try to look my best. OK, that sounded vain but I do try to do my best to work out and maintain my weight. Not for them but for myself. The segment which will air next month will be on me and two others who have lost more than 100lbs. and have kept it off and how we are helping people to do the same. I will let you guys know how it goes and send links as soon as it airs.

Other random thoughts…

I was on the elliptical this morning and was riveted to the television coverage by CNN of the earthquake in Haiti. Their reporter was live from Port-au-Prince where rescue workers were trying to dig out a little girl who was screaming in agony. It was gut-wrenching and my heart went out to her and the tens-of-thousands of others. They might have to amputate her leg just to free her. My God. We must all do what we can to help, and even a small monetary donation can go to provide life saving salt pills that go for just $.07 each. That’s it. Seven measly cents.

I am going to start culling together the “Worth The Splurge” recommendations I’ve received so far and am always ALWAYS looking for more. No matter where you are in the world let me know what foods you enjoy and where they are. I’d love to hear about them. After all, if we’re going to blow calories on a meal it better be a damned good one. Right?

Going to start my next column I think on bariatric surgery. While I never had it done I know so many people who have. It would be so interesting to talk to a few of them and get their take on it and how it is affecting their lives. It took me three-and-a-half years to lose my weight which I think is great because I didn’t want to go under the knife. But it works for some.

OK, there I go rambling. So sorry about that. My mind is a bit scattered today.Remember, as we begin the weekend to be thankful for all we have in our lives. We may be trying to improve our health and bring down our weight but always keep in mind our ability to be able to do that. Have the foods we want and the means to get them. I am appreciative of that every day.

And to the good people of Haiti, please hold on. The world hears you and we are on the way…

So last night I was hanging out with some friends and we went to a place in Philly called Q BBQ & Tequila. When I walked up to the place (which I had never heard of before) I was sad because it was the replacement for Philadelphia Fish Company, a restaurant in which I had eaten and liked.

Anywho, I was ravenously hungry when I arrived so we decided to order a couple of rounds of appetizers before our main course.  And as we are chit-chatting away the mildly-spicy and honey BBQ wings arrive, along with an order of guacamole, salsa and chips.

Why am I telling you this? Why do I dare start the day with mentions of yummy food stuffs? Because I have always been straight with you guys about the things I eat (and because of which I worked out today and will eat better) and because I made the deal with myself to have and enjoy (on occasion and as a treat) the foods I have always loved. After all, I don’t want to be a grumpy bastard because I don’t have a buffalo wing or cookie from time to time.

The wings were really, really good, particularly the honey ones. They were what I should have stuck with the entire night. Kind of like not mixing liquor when you go out. Noooooooo, instead I ordered something on their menu called the BigASS Burger.

Why I do this to myself I’ll never know. This burger had a hamburger patty, pulled pork, bacon and sausage (I kid you not) on a bun with bbq sauce and cole slaw. Instead of ordering both fries AND cheddar grits it was wisely suggested I just get one or the other so I went for the cheese grits (I looooove grits and they’re hard to find around these parts). When the burger came it wasn’t as big as I thought it would be (thank God, again why I order such things…). It was just tall. So I schmushed everything down between the buns, opened my big mouth and took a bite.

I guess I’m telling you all this because there are some foods worth the splurge, worth it enough that the calories you eat are worth it because the taste of something is sooooo good. Like the wings. They were totally worth the splurge. The burger on the other hand? So-so.

There was so much meat on this burger that it ceased being a burger and was more a cacophony of food noise in a bun. The overall taste wasn’t bad, but I couldn’t make out any of the ingredients except for maybe the sausage. The pulled pork was totally lost, as was the slaw and I had to add sauce to the whole thing to keep it tasting all bbq-ey.

Would I eat that burger again? Nah. The bacon, sausage, hamburger and pork on it was like a heart attack and a bypass rolled into one and no one should eat that more than once (I think). But I would eat at the place again. Cheddar grits were great as were the wings.

I think after writing this I will begin a new segment on the website – WORTH THE SPLURGE, a list of places and foods worth the calories. And if you guys have any suggestions, worldwide by the way, send them to me. But don’t forget to tell me where the place is, what items are worth the splurge and describe them to me.

And by the way, I will be eating healthier for the next couple of days to make up for the BigASS burger. Although that burger ain’t as big ass as some burgers I’ve had, the biggest and best one from Boston Blackies in Chicago.

Now there’s a great, BIG ASS BURGER…

OK. I think I see waaaaaaay too many movies sometimes.

Last night I had the strangest dream. I was entered as a driver in a city-wide race involving vehicles that were a cross between motorcycles, big wheels and go-carts (please don’t ask).

Anyway, I somehow knew these car/bike thingies were going to go super fast so I asked the guy on my team “how will I know where I’m going?” He told me “follow the course. It’s laid out.” I shrugged as I still knew I didn’t know the course, or the rules, or even how to completely operate my tricked-out big wheel.

Then, I was led to the starting line. But what made this interesting was that participants in this race were lined up along three of the four streets that lead to a city intersection. The fourth street was the beginning of the course. So we’d line up and get ready only to be told we’d have time before the race so everyone, for some reason, went on with life – gearing up for the race and not worried about it. Except for me. I wanted to get ready and get set, even though I had no idea of where I was going.

Then the race started. I was a bit slow but followed the convergence of cars from the other directions along the path. The city was a combination of Philadelphia (the area in which I live now) and Chicago (my beloved hometown). I knew I wasn’t operating the vehicle right because it wasn’t going as fast as it should be but I was OK with that. I was winding my way through uncharted territory…

…then I woke up.

Damn, that was a straaaaaaaaange dream.  And it’s not the first time I had a dream like that. But this time it was more vivid, more real. And the more I think about it it’s the perfect dream leading into the first full work day of 2010.

We all face a brand new year full of possibility and opportunity. And sometimes that road is a scary thing. You don’t know how to get where you are going but you’re in the race to get there. And so many of us can equate that to many aspects of our lives, particularly weight loss. You know the goal you want. You know your finish line but you have no stinking clue as to the road you need to take to get there. And I’ll let you in on a little secret. I didn’t either.

I didn’t know if what I was doing, how I was doing it or if/how I am continuing to do it would work. But that’s the thing about finding the path. You know it’s the way when you do. Your gut tells you, or your mind tells you, or your intuition. No matter how you know you push through and navigate as best you can, especially when things are coming at you fast and furious (ly).

As you start today remember a couple of things, OK? That you will get to your goal no matter how scary it seems and no matter how unfamiliar the path. Your drive and determination, instinct and experience will help guide you. You have the strength of other team members helping you along the way (your friends and me). Most of all, you have your own strength to help carry you and fuel you toward that weight loss success.

Like I said it was a strange dream, indeed, but so very appropriate as we all re-enter the rat race of a brand new year.