Determined To Succeed

Did you watch the Oscars last night? I know I did. It is my holiday. It is my Superbowl. It is my World Series. It is my Wimbledon, Daytona 500 and Masters all rolled into one golden eight-and-a-half pound statue made in my sweet home Chicago.

But I was sick yesterday and as I night wore on I regressed. Maybe I pushed myself too hard in staying up so late. I don’t know but for whatever reason this cold has embedded itself in my chest like “Alien” (although I wish I could cough it all out and finally feel better).

As I hunkered down on the sofa watching Hollywood’s big night I had a wonderful (and healthy) beef barley soup (soup IS good food, especially for the sick). In-between bowls I thought about these Oscars. Were there many surprises? Not in my book. I was involved in two Oscar pools and except for the documentary (short and long-form), animated short and the surprise of “Precious: Based on the novel ‘Push’ by Saphire” winning Best Adapted Screenplay and that weird, overbearing woman doing a Kanye and just taking over the damn microphone from the guy when Best Documentary Short was announced, I have to say the Oscars were very, very predictable this year.

How does this equate to food? Well, I started thinking about Oscar foods. No, not the kind made by a certain Wolfgang Puck for the various parties in La-La-Land. I mean the kinds of potluck dishes people can make next year for their own Oscar parties.

Let’s take some of the winners and turn them into yummy foods, desserts and drinks:

You could offer from “Inglorious Custards” a Christoph Meat-Baltz (I mean really. Who doesn’t love a good meatball as an appetizer or sandwich. There’s also “The Blind Side Dishes” dessert somewhere featuring “Candy” Bullock or from “Glazy Tarts,”  Jeff (potato) Ridges.

This one’s a tie. A toss up between “The Yo-Gurt Locker” or “The Hurt Meat Locker” (whether you go with a healthier dessert theme or an anti-pasta you can’t really blow this – HA!)

For those who are thirsty you could have “The Beery Kind (especially since Jeff Bridges was loaded most of the time in “Crazy Heart”) or plain old 7-”Up” (although that one’s almost too easy).

“The Young Pigtoria” (everything tastes better with bacon and maybe scallops wrapped in bacon would be a good way to honor this Oscar winner for Costume Design)

And finally, the biggest box-office champ of all-time – “AVATAR.” These might sound bad but you could try “Caviartar” (if your party is REALLY high-end and you like fish eggs on crackers from Russia), or if not a food you could post a sign on your bathroom calling it the “Lavatar” for the night (that one even made me chuckle a bit).

Whatever kind of event gets you going (NASCAR, golf, tennis, baseball or football), if you’re gonna have fattening foods at these things make them fun but remember to have them in moderation, planning for them both before the event and after. In the meantime we have another year of movies to see, places to go and snacks to eat.  Just try to cut back on the popcorn (it’s horrible for you) and sneak in your own healthier food instead.

Shhhhhh. Don’t tell ‘em I said that. Enjoy the movies.

Hooray for Hollywood. Yesterday the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences announced their nominees for this year’s Academy Awards. As a huge movie fan this is my time of year. Some people love the Grammys. Some people love the Tonys. Some love the Golden Globes. And while I watch all of those I love the Oscars. And as such I try to at least see all the best picture nominees in any given year.

This year, the Academy went back to what it used to do and nominated ten films for Best Picture. Yikes! Don’t they know how much buttered popcorn, Raisinettes and Twizzler packs that amounts to? For a food-a-holic like me it can be a dangerous time especially when I have so many movies to see before this year’s award ceremony.

For example, last night I saw Kathryn Bigelow’s brilliant “The Hurt Locker.” And just like smoking can be a situational thing for some people when they go out with friends I always get the munchies when I watch movies. Usually I go for Twizzlers or Raisinettes. But on rare occasions I go for the most delicious movie food around – popcorn.

But hold onto your Avatars before you order another popcorn. Just one popcorn-and-soda combo can match the calorie-and-saturated-fat count of three McDonald’s Quarter Pounders and 12 pats of butter, according to the Center for Science in the Public Interest’s (CSPI) review of popcorn sold at three national movie chains.

According to Jayne Hurley, nutritionist for the Washington-based group, the high saturated fat count can be blamed on the coconut oil used to pop the corn at theaters run by Regal Entertainment Group and AMC Entertainment Inc., which have a combined 852 theaters nationwide.

CSPI found that the 20-cup tub of popcorn at Regal theaters packs 1,200 calories and 60 grams of saturated fat, which Hurley said accounts for three days worth of saturated fat. An 11-cup (small) bucket has 670 calories and 34 grams of saturated fat. And those numbers don’t account for the “buttery” topping, every tablespoon of which adds another 130 calories. A 16-cup bucket sold at AMC theaters (including the one right next door to yours truly in Cherry Hill) contains 1,030 calories and 57 grams of fat, according to CSPI.

A third theater chain, Texas-based Cinemark, had far lower saturated fat counts because they pop in heart-healthy canola oil. Seventeen-cup buckets at Cinemark have 910 calories and 4 grams of saturated fat.

OK, so let’s do some math. So far I have seen eight of the ten nominees for Best Picture (only need to see “An Education” and “A Serious Man”). If I had a medium-sized popcorn each time I saw one of those eight I packed on – get ready – 10,000 calories! 8,240 of which from the popcorn alone and 1,760 from all the buttery topping I get.

Let me put it to you another way – given my size and weight I should be eating roughly 2,000 calories a day. So those eight trips to the concession counter equals FIVE DAYS OF FOOD! Breakfast, lunch and dinner!

Look, I know I’m human and I will, from time to seriously occasional time, get the popcorn because it is good. But think seriously about these stats the next time you go. Also, think seriously about sneaking in your own healthier snacks which could be lower in calories and lower in fat.

I just want to make sure we are all around to see many more movies in years to come.

“The Book of Eli” & “Legion” – Three Buckets of Popcorn out of Four for “The Book of Eli” and Two-and-three-quarters Buckets of Popcorn out of Four for “Legion”

Writing these reviews was tough. I saw both of these movies on the same day without even thinking both were primarily about the same thing – the salvation of humanity through faith (or at least some aspect of faith). The reason writing this review was tough is because I can’t really write separate reviews. Well, OK. I could write separate reviews but both are so similar in message that I feel compelled to join them both into one.

Let’s start with the plots of each:

In “Legion,” an out-of-the-way diner in Paradise Falls (get it?) becomes the unlikely battleground for the survival of the human race. When God loses faith in humankind, he sends his legion of angels to bring on the Apocalypse. Humanity’s only hope lies in a group of strangers trapped in a desert diner with the Archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) as their only protection.

In “The Book of Eli,” Eli (Denzel Washington) has been on a journey for 30 years, walking west across America after a cataclysmic war that turned the earth into a total wasteland. The world has become a lawless civilization where people must kill or be killed. The barren roads belong to gangs of cutthroats who rob and kill for water, a pair of shoes, a lighter, or just for fun. Eli is a peaceful man who only acts in self defense, and becomes a warrior with unbelievable killing skills when he is challenged. After the war and the “Big Flash”, Eli was guided by a higher power to a hidden book and given the task of protecting the book and taking it to its final destination. Eli guards the book with his life, because he knows that the book is the only hope that humanity has for its future.

Separately, I liked “Eli” more than I liked “Legion.” I thought it had better action and wasn’t as silly as “Legion.” “Legion,” while having some cool special effects (like an ass-kicking, fanged grandma who’d just as soon kill ya and eat ya as to look at ya, and angels’ wings used as both flying mechanisms and shields against bullets) was silly at times, had big, gaping logic holes and acting so bad at times it was laughable. Kind of like 80s movies but with a higher budget and better cast. Eli had seemingly big holes, too. That is until the very end when the secret of the movie is revealed and all makes sense very much like “The Sixth Sense.” What prevents me from liking “Eli” more was its blatant stealing of “I am Legend,” “Mad Max” and “Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.” Even the bad guy (played by Gary Oldman) who runs the only decent human town left reminded me too much of the fantastic Tina Turner in “Thunderdome.”

What struck me most about both films is the subtext of humanity, its need to be saved and us always looking to something to save us. In “Legion,” God, Himself, has lost faith in humankind and He and the survivors in the diner NEED a baby to be born (presumably the Christ child reborn) as proof mankind can be saved. In “The Book of Eli,” salvation is an actual book carried and protected by Eli. Further, Gary Oldman’s bad guy will stop at nothing to have it because of the power it will have over those looking for salvation, strength and hope in post-apocalyptic times. “Eli” also had some cool subtextual things to say about televangelists and their use of their respective pulpits to gain false power over people – people who seemingly need it the most.

Is humanity that far gone? On some days I would say yes. I mean how can televangelist Pat Robertson dare say that the tragedies of Haiti and Hurricane Katrina were brought on by the people themselves? Bastard. How can there be suicide bombers in the Middle East, people shooting up former places of employment and Osama bin Laden (bigger bastard) if the world weren’t in need of saving? I wish I knew. But I also know that people have been, are and can be not just good but great and that that greatness comes from their hearts, minds and souls.

As entertainments, both movies are pretty cool. I would readily watch “Legion” at night on cable (unlike the abysmal “Daybreakers” which should have all its prints destroyed) and I’d watch “The Book of Eli” anytime. It’s good. Not great, but good.

As for humanity, I really do hope I see in my lifetime such a great good I can go to my final resting place knowing the world will be OK. Even though close to $500 million has been donated to Haiti I want to see it finally get to its people. I want to see Port-au-Prince and New Orleans and the 9^th Ward rebuilt stronger than ever. I also want to see the world’s poor peoples have fresh water, fresh foods and a chance at real life and not just survival. I want to see hatred go away, at least a part of it. And I want to see people unite not just because of a tragedy like Hurricane Katrina or Haiti but because we WANT to.

That is the faith people need in and of themselves. That is of what both movies speak. That is the truest hope for all humankind and that is the strength we will need to prove to God in “Legion,” to prove to Oldman’s character in “Eli” and to the rest of people out there who have lost their faith.

We have it. It’s just waiting for us to finally use it not because we have to but because we finally WANT to.

“Legion” – Rated R for strong bloody violence, and language.

Runtime: 100 min

Paul Bettany     …         Michael

Lucas Black      …         Jeep Hanson

Tyrese Gibson   …         Kyle Williams

Adrianne Palicki            …         Charlie

Charles S. Dutton          …         Percy Walker

Kevin Durand   …         Gabriel

Jon Tenney       …         Howard Anderson

Willa Holland    …         Audrey Anderson

Kate Walsh       …         Sandra Anderson

Dennis Quaid    …         Bob Hanson

“The Book of Eli” – Rated R for some brutal violence and language

Runtime: 118 min

Denzel Washington        …         Eli

Gary Oldman    …         Carnegie

Mila Kunis        …         Solara

Ray Stevenson  …         Redridge

Jennifer Beals   …         Claudia

Evan Jones       …         Martz

Joe Pingue        …         Hoyt

Frances de la Tour        …         Martha

Michael Gambon           …         George

Tom Waits        …         Engineer

Unraveling the Mystery of “Sherlock Holmes” – Three Buckets of Popcorn out of Four

You know what’s weird? I see movies the same way I meet people. I get an instant first impression and that usually is how I think of that person/group of people from then on. When I see movies it is like meeting a stranger and you get that “am I gonna like him/her” question in my mind.

The first time I saw “Sherlock Holmes” I wrote it off as a more-action-than-substance winter tentpole pic (industry speak for winter blockbuster). I found the dialogue in the first third, particularly by Robert Downey, Jr., so hard to understand I just waited for the next action sequence to happen to wake me up from the naps I was taking in the theater.

Here’s the plot: after finally catching serial killer and occult “sorcerer” Lord Blackwood, legendary sleuth Sherlock Holmes and his assistant Dr. Watson can close yet another successful case. But when Blackwood mysteriously returns from the grave and resumes his killing spree, Holmes must take up the hunt once again. Contending with his partner’s new fiancée and the dimwitted head of Scotland Yard, the dauntless detective must unravel the clues that will lead him into a twisted web of murder, deceit, and black magic – and the deadly embrace of temptress Irene Adler.

Watching a film in which its lead was mumbling really created a bad first impression in my opinion. I thought the new guy was kind of weird, to himself and boring. But I gave this flick a second chance, and I’m glad I did, especially in a setting with better sound so I could actually hear the dialogue and, therefore, become more engaged with what was going on. It was then that the movie opened up a bit for me and I “got it” more. The only other time in which that happened was with the 1996 Tom Cruise pic “Mission: Impossible.” Most people wrote the film off as too convoluted, boring, kind of into itself…

…see the correlation?

I ended up loving “Mission: Impossible” for the same complexity that people attacked and it was a better film for not giving into simple action conventions. It was a thinking person’s thriller, and so is “Sherlock Holmes.”

Seeing this film a second time was something about which I think Sherlock Holmes would approve. It is when you can step in closer and see (and hear better) the details that you actually get the best impression of all.

Robert Downey, Jr…..Sherlock Holmes

Jude Law… Dr. John Watson

Rachel McAdams… Irene Adler

Mark Strong… Lord Blackwood

Eddie Marsan… Inspector Lestrade

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, some startling images and a scene of suggestive material.

Runtime: 128 min

“AVATAR” – Two-and-a-Half Buckets of Popcorn out of Four

Oh man. When am I going to stop buying into the hype generated by Hollywood over films supposed to herald the next great age of filmmaking? I fell for it once with George Lucas’ “Star Wars: Episode One – The Phantom Menace,” a film that patted itself so heartedly on the back for its ground-breaking special effects but so lacked story I don’t care of I ever see it again.

And I am one of the biggest “Star Wars” fans I know (the original, non-Special Edition trilogy, please and thank you).

Now here comes James Cameron’s “Avatar,” a film that visually is everything “Phantom Menace” wanted to be but sits right along side it as a movie so devoid of real characterization, compassion and humanity I can say now that I’ve seen it I don’t ever need to see it again.

In the future a paraplegic marine veteran, Jake Sully (Sam Worthington), decides to take his deceased brother’s place on a mission to the distant world of Pandora is brought to Pandora, a planet inhabited by the Na’vi, a blue humanoid race with their own language and culture. Sully starts out as a military grunt whose mission it is to infiltrate the Na’vi to get them to relocate so that humans can get their hands on a precious material stupidly named “unobtanium”scattered throughout their rich woodland. However, after living among them, falling in love with one of them and learning of greedy corporate figurehead Parker Selfridge’s intentions of driving off the Na’vi by any means necessary including extermination, Jake decides to fight for the survival of not just the Na’vi but for Pandora, itself.

Sounds good, right? Meh. It is and it isn’t.

I place the blame for the film’s utter lack of heart on the film’s writer and director, James Cameron. As writer and director of some of the best futuristic/Action/Adventure films of all time (“Aliens,” “Terminator,” Terminator 2: Judgment Day,” “True Lies,” and “Titanic”) he should know better. He may have created a new reason to see films on a big screen (and this one should be seen on the biggest, best screen you can if you go) but the reason I will watch his other films any day of the week with no arm twisting what-so-ever is because at the center of the action lay human stories and characters we care about. In other words, better writing and less dependency on special effects.

This film is two hours and forty-two minutes long but I wanted twenty more minutes. I wanted my backstory to explain the following:

1)      What happened to the Earth that was so horrible we needed this “unobtanium” so badly we were willing to kill for it?

2)      What the hell happened to any renewable sources of energy like solar power, or even human-made nuclear power? And why weren’t those options?

3)      How long had we tried to diplomatically negotiate with the Na’vi for their “unobtanium” and why wasn’t that working? Was it because Pandora somehow “needed” it’s minerals (a detail mentioned but never fully explored in the film)?

4)      What is the backstory of this horrible “company” that wants “unobtanium” so bad?

5)      Why did this company hire mercenaries to carry out the raids on the Na’vi? Did world governments not want official military action?

6)      And if we didn’t give a rat’s ass about the Na’vi people why not just nuke ‘em from space (ala Hicks/Ripley from “Aliens”) and just take it afterward?

Grrrrrr.

There has to come a point in every movie that filmmakers allow you to get on the train. It helps you enjoy the movie more, explain the movie more and make you feel more a part of the story and experience. There was no way in “Avatar” to understand how we got to what we have to accept as the beginning of the film. Cameron doesn’t stop the train to let us on. Instead he just throws you into his special effects-laden story and expects the visual effects slight of hand to distract you from what is missing – an actual movie you care about.

Shame on you, James Cameron. You are a better writer and filmmaker than that.

When I was in line to see “Avatar” I decided to have some fun. I approached the young kid selling tickets I asked for “The Empire Strikes Back.” Instead of a smirk he actually looked it up in his system and said “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t see that movie here.” I asked him how old he was and he answered 17. Moreover, he had never heard of “The Empire Strikes Back.” I was so shocked I turned to the people in line behind me and shouted “He’s never heard of ‘The Empire Strikes Back!’”

The reason I’m relaying this tale is because I weep for this kid, and his and future generations of movie goers, who do not know the beauty of films like the original “Star Wars” trilogy, “Aliens,” etc., which told stories and made us care no matter how many guns were blazing. Hell, Sigourney Weaver, who is also in “Avatar,” was nominated for an Oscar for her performance in 1986’s “Aliens.” What breaks my heart is that the mediocrity that is “Avatar” is all this 17-year-old kid has, and he will think it’s great.

And he would be wrong.

“Avatar” is great to look at. But afterward the film leaves the mind just as easily as you leave the theater. And why? Because it never visited your heart.

Sam Worthington…Jake Sully

Zoe Saldana…Neytiri

Sigourney Weaver…Dr. Grace Augustine

Stephen Lang…Colonel Miles Quaritch

Michelle Rodriguez…Trudy Chacon

Giovanni Ribisi…Parker Selfridge

Joel Moore…Norm Spellman (as Joel David Moore)

CCH Pounder…Moat

Wes Studi…Eytukan

Laz Alonso…Tsu’tey

Dileep Rao…Dr. Max Patel

Matt Gerald…Corporal Lyle Wainfleet

MPAA: Rated PG-13 for intense epic battle sequences and warfare, sensuality, language and some smoking.

Runtime: 162 min

An Animated Movie Weekend – “Princess and the Frog” and “Family Guy” Both Fun

Three-and-a-half buckets of popcorn out of four for both

There are times when even this action movie lover needs to take a break from the blow-em-up ease of bombastic blockbusters and take in the subtle beauty of animated films. Some of my favorite movies of all time are animated features – “Lili & Stitch,” the “Toy Story” movies and one of my top five films of all time – “The Lion King.” All of these are examples of how we can be reminded that being a kid is fun, exciting and wonderous even if we just turned 39.

So this weekend I decided to brave the theaters (at both the holidays and opening weekend) and see Disney’s newest animated feature, “The Princess and the Frog.” I cannot stress enough how wonderful this film is. Not only is it refreshing to see good old-fashioned hand-drawn 2D animation (as opposed to all the computer-generated 3D you get these days) but it’s great to see Disney move into the 21^st Century with its first African-American princess (Tiana) in a story that is every bit as enchanting as “Cinderella.”

Without giving too much away any good film, whether animated or not, can make you not only forget you are watching a movie but make you FEEL for characters only on-screen for a handful of minutes. Case-in-point, the opening few minutes of 2009’s “Star Trek.” Watch that and I dare you not to feel something. In the “Princess and the Frog” we are introduced to many characters in New Orleans but none as beautiful as the firefly, whose love is so pure for his beloved Evangeline (see the movie and you’ll know about who and what I’m speaking) that I dare you not to be moved by the film’s end. I triple dog dare you.

“The Princess and the Frog,” the first princess movie really since the “Aladdin” and “Little Mermaid” days, has wonderful messages for little would-be princesses. Hard work, not just wishing upon a star or asking rich parents, brings you what is most special in life. I really liked this message because so many of today’s youth seem to self-entitled to, well, EVERYTHING. But I do find it a bit off that they introduce the concept in a film featuring it’s first African-American princess instead of rolling it out in say it’s vast library of DVD animated princess adventures.

I wrestled with that for a bit, though. Is it a noticeable coincidence? Yes. But when I saw girls of all shapes, sizes and backgrounds seeing this film (and liking it judging by their exit comments) I was put more at ease and I let that element go. This is a wonderful film. It is the type of Disney magic that makes you wish upon that star at night.

And also makes you see fireflies in a whole new light.

OK, so after the warm and fuzzy that was “The Princess and the Frog” I hunkered down for a treat. The newest “Star Wars” spoof from the creators of “Family Guy” entitled “Something, Something, Something, Dark Side.”

I will say it now and take note of this – THIS IS NOT, I REPEAT NOT, FOR CHILDREN.

Two of my favorite entertainments in this world are “Star Wars” and Fox’s “Family Guy.” And it’s always a blast to see Seth McFarlane’s crew weave incredible pop-culture references into a show that features a talking, elitist dog who everyone can hear and a talking baby that everyone else can hear except his own family. But you can tell that McFarlane and crew LOOOOOOOVE “Star Wars.” Not just from their constant mention of it in the years since the show’s been on but because of 2007’s homage “Blue Harvest” (“Star Wars’ production title) and this film which riffs on the best “Star Wars” movie out there – “The Empire Strikes Back.”

Have I said enough that this movie is NOT for the kids?

There’s an absolute reason this film was released straight to DVD. It allows the “Family Guy” crew the chance to push the animated envelope by using language and situations that you could never (I REPEAT NEVER) employ on broadcast TV. And this film is all the better for it. “Something, Something, Something, Dark Side” is awesome, hilarious, irreverent, wrong (but right) and so worth repeated viewings that it’s going to be fun to watch this again and again just as I do its source material.

The animation which I thought was spectacular in “Blue Harvest” is ten-times better in “Something, Something, Something, Dark Side.” It’s absolutely unbelievable. I thought, at moments, I was actually watching “The Empire Strikes Back.” I will not spoil anything but the scene in the carbon freezing chamber is worth the price of the DVD. Totally. Not to mention that everything from the coming attraction trailers to poster art for “Something, Something, Something, Dark Side” are so lovingly done that I can’t help but get all geeked-up over it. They LOVE “Star Wars” and it shows.

Again, there is ADULT LANGUAGE in “Something, Something, Something, Dark Side,” so much so it should be “R” Rated. But as a bookend to my animated weekend this movie is a treasure…

…and I cannot wait for their inevitable “Return of the Jedi” spoof whatever that will be called.