Determined To Succeed

It’s always interesting to see something through someone else’s eyes. Being a tour guide for your hometown to someone who’s never been, or watching a movie you’ve seen dozens of times but someone else hasn’t. Even sharing the sight of a rainbow with someone as if it were the first one. Times like that are awesome, and I had one of those times yesterday when I went to go speak to a group in southern New Jersey about my weight loss.

I was originally invited by the leader of the group, a nutritionist, who thought it would be cool to have a guest speaker (moi) come in and discuss his own personal weight loss journey. As people poured into the room I introduced myself to everyone and I think they could sense right away this wasn’t going to be the usual stick-in-the-mud speaker (you know – yawn, take a note, yawn again, zzzzzzzzzz, wake up, wish for coffee, the class to end or a fork in your eye). I was going to be fun, personable, full of movie quotes and open to discuss anything about weight loss.

One of the attendees of this class, Steve (not his real name as I do not want to completely embarrass him), was one of the first to arrive. He didn’t want to weigh-in before class (a standard practice before each one) because he knew he had fallen off the wagon but he showed up trying so very hard to get back the motivation he seemed to lose and lose completely, his funny exterior hiding his own disappointment and sadness.

Sound like a blogger you know?

I promised Steve that the very last part of what I had to say was just for him and to keep his ears peeled. Anywho, the class went on for a little over and hour and I laid out my life’s story, from obese child to obese adult, the epiphany I had which started my weight loss journey and how I grapple with issues even today in the maintenance of my new weight. I think it went well and I kept teasing throughout the hour my message for Steve – like the coming attraction previews for a highly-anticipated flick.

During the class, though, I kept seeing weight loss through his eyes and I put myself into Steve’s shoes. More to the point, I put myself back into my old ones. You know the ones I mean. The ones that were a half-size to a size bigger because I lost weight in my feet. The ones that went with the size 58 pants I had or the size 60 suit jackets I used to wear. Yeah, those shoes. I completely went back in my mind and saw this weight loss journey through Steve’s eyes and remembered what it was like to be at a low point and want to give up.

When I finally got to the big moment I had teased I saw that I had Steve’s full attention. “Good,” I thought to myself. “Maybe he can see this though my eyes now.” I talked about failure, and how it is simply just a part of the process of weight loss. I talked about how we need failure to fully appreciate what success is and how it feels when we finally get there. I talked about how it is only permanent if you let it be permanent. It was then I think I either got through to Steve or hit such a nerve it was disturbing and too real. In that moment he knew as well as I did we had connected and we both understood what it was like for the other, and he could see I understood how it felt to try and fail to lose weight. At least I hope so. God, I hope so.

At the end most of the class bolted out of there. Some, hopefully most, saw a bit of the same information taught to them by their nutritionist (which was purely accidental as he and I never spoke about what he was teaching or what I’d be saying) and some just left eager to get home. But Steve was one of the ones who stuck around to chat after. Most guys aren’t too open with their feelings, but as we were both sharing a laugh over a quote from “WALL STREET” I could see on Steve’s face a little glimmer of hope for the journey he is undertaking, and I sincerely hope he is reading this blog entry today. Because, just like yesterday’s talk about failure, this one is for him and other like him who get discouraged and want to throw in the towel.

Please don’t. It is hard. Believe me, I know it is. However, it is a path you’ve chosen to walk that will (WILL) get you to a better you. And while it will take work (there are no quick fixes) and will take time (weight didn’t come overnight and it won’t leave overnight) it will get you to that better, healthier and lighter place you want to be. The lyrics to the Peter Gabriel song “Don’t Give Up” sum it up pretty well…

Don’t give up
‘cos you have friends
Don’t give up
You’re not beaten yet

Don’t give up

It’s going to be alright
When times get rough
You can fall back on us
Don’t give up
Please don’t give up

Don’t give up
’cause you have friends
Don’t give up
You’re not the only one
Don’t give up
No reason to be ashamed
Don’t give up
You still have us
Don’t give up now
We’re proud of who you are
Don’t give up
You know it’s never been easy
Don’t give up
You’re not beaten yet

Don’t give up
Please don’t give up

Remember, my friends that if and when we feel down and alone we really aren’t. There are others who understand and are here to help. Also remember I know what this feels like, too. I get down and want to eat all the time, especially when I’m missing my mom. But we can’t give up. We shouldn’t give up and I really want you to take you out of you and see the world through someone else’s eyes…someone who has gotten to be where you want to be and who fights every day to stay there. Why? Because it is hard work, determination, drive, sweat and tears to get there and stay there. But you will get there. You will as long as you have those things. And never give up. Because everyone in that room, Steve, was there for the exact same thing and they are all your support system, as I am, to help you through.

Don’t give up. That’s the universe’s promise to us and that is why, how and when rainbows exist. They show us the way and bring color back to our lives on dark and stormy days.

I swear, sometiimes you can equate gaining weight to snow.

Throughout the week weathercasters in the Philadelphia area (who are quite regularly wrong) predicted that the snow/precipitation cycle heading our way would basically miss South Jersey. So as I watched a few flakes fall I figured “eh, this is nothing. It will be a few flakes and nothing more.”

By the end of the night South Jersey received about two or so inches of snow. Not a lot by any stretch (especially for someone from Chicago) but enough to make you say “Jeez. Where did this come from?”

Weight can be the same way, and through a few days of accumulated “bad” eating here and there (you know, having beef fried rice here or Milky Way there) weight can increase just like that snow did. All it takes is us saying “eh, this is nothing. It will be a few calories and nothing more.”

But this time the inches we gain won’t melt away as easily because they’re on your waist instead of on the ground.

As we are about to enter a brand new week full of possibility, work, stress, emotions, etc., take time to note HOW you are eating and WHEN. I know I have mentioned this a lot lately. That’s because I’ve done some serious soul-searching as to the WHYs I eat (or overeat). I pay attention more to WHEN and HOW MUCH because when I have lots on my mind on which to chew I tend to want something to eat – so that I’m physically chewing on something at the same time.

Knowing this pattern helps me more than you’ll ever know.

So pay attention to the small “flakes” in your life. Be them candy, popcorn, egg rolls, chips, doughnuts, fries, Milky Ways, etc. Each thing by itself won’t be enough to derail you. But added up, these can pose a serious threat to your weight loss journey. But more to the point, this is the time when you need to start examining what’s going on inside your head and heart to figure out the source of your stress, anxiety, sadness, nervousness, etc. – emotions that could lead to excessive and unnecessary extra eating. In any weight loss journey saying “I love myself enough to begin” is essential and saying “I will take care of me, my weight and my health” is key.

This way when it snows you’ve already laid down a layer of salt so your streets are clear and no “snow” accumulates. And the road you travel is a much easier-traveled road for it.