Determined To Succeed

My friends, I have been honored.

Yesterday, Unbeknownst to me and on the same day I wrote part one of my blog post about him, martial arts and self defense expert Doug Shaffer, my sensei, wrote his blog post about me (WHICH YOU CAN READ BY CLICKING HERE) . It was very cool to read how my workouts could inspire a teacher who has been doing this for as long as he has, especially when just being in his class inspires me (and by the way I DID TWO HONEST-TO-GOODNESS PUSH-UPS YESTERDAY).

In my blog yesterday I began my Q&A with Sensei Doug about how mixed martial arts can be awesome for physical fitness. Today, I continue my conversation with Doug so grab your morning cup of coffee and jump into (or kick or punch) reading more about the benefits of using MMAs (mixed martial arts) to enhance a weight loss journey…

Sensei, what do you want people to learn when they come to you inquiring about MMAs as a way to improve fitness? Are your goals the same as theirs?

I guess the biggest thing I want people to understand is that everyone can do this at any point in their lives. It’s never too late to get yourself in shape and start moving. Everyone has reservations about embarking upon a life change such as this, but when you have good coaching, it’s a gradual, beneficial change that is much longer lasting. My goals as a teacher are the same as my students’. Most teachers might have a different opinion, but not me. I’m in the business of improving the quality of people’s lives through staying healthy, training, and learning. I still compete, and I still train everyday, just as my students do. The students tell me that they, too, are there in order to improve their lives through what I have to offer. We all treat each other as an extended family and every time a new student walks in the door, they are welcomed as a part of that family. We all have learned over time that this is not easy, but we also lean on each other for support along the way. I want everyone to know that they can do this! EVERYONE can practice.

What kind of diets do you suggest people follow to go along with MMA training?

This is a complicated question, and the answer is subject to the needs of the person training. Again, please ask your doctor first. If you’re not used to any kind of training at all, you’ll need to do some research as to what to eat to provide the correct nutrients and long lasting natural energy. Asking your health care professional is the best place to start.

What are the benefits of doing MMAs? Toning? Strength training? Etc?

MMA is a great way to not only improve your cardiovascular health, but increase your range of motion, and flexibility while toning and developing. It really is a complete system that calls on your whole body to perform. During an average session you’ll not only be burning calories, but you’ll be focusing on the development of your body and getting closer to the way you want to see yourself in the mirror. It’s a very rewarding feeling watching your arms, chest, back, and stomach begin to chisel out after just your first few weeks – yes, I said weeks – of training. There is no such thing as being too strong. This is your time to improve yourself and work on your own personal goals.

What is a good recommended workout regimen in terms of days per week, hours per day and time spent?

If you are just getting started with a new routine, I recommend training at least three times per week. If you are training in a studio or a gym with a trainer, they will have a program in place for you that will have you working anywhere from 45 minutes to and hour. When you are not at the gym, it’s important to stay lose and open by stretching at home, and making sure you’re staying on track with the proper diet as recommended by your doctor. Diet and exercise must work together in order to have any good results. If you’ve already been training for some time you might want to try bumping up to 4-5 days per week. Most importantly, it’s key to listen to your body. If you feel that you’re over doing it you need to take time to rest and prepare for the next session. Your body will tell you when it’s tired. Please take time to enjoy what you do.

Want to know the kicker (ha, I made a martial arts joke)? Even though I leave Sensei Doug’s class drained and tired I always go back and try to do something I’ve learned harder and faster, to test what I’ve learned and to build on that now that my body has warmed up a bit and isn’t so stiff.

So if you’re thinking about fitness, just like Daniel-san found out in “The Karate Kid,” it all starts with a great teacher. Thanks, Doug, for everything. See you again soon.

Recently, I had the incredible opportunity to begin my mixed martial arts workouts with martial arts and self defense expert Doug Shaffer. I knew this was going to be a series of down-and-dirty workouts. I knew I was going to sweat. I knew I was going to sleep until noon (well, 9:30 a.m.). I knew I was going to hurt…and I love every minute of it.

The martial arts I am learning are a mixture of Kempo karate, Jiu-Jitsu and American kickboxing, so I started my training by learning how to punch. I put on my MMA (mixed martial arts) gloves and I went to work learning how to throw a punch (something I am proud to say I have never done in my life in the real world) using the heavy bag. Next came kicks. Yep, no “Karate Kid”  “wax on, wax off,” “hang your jacket up” stuff. I went right into kicking and how to properly kick (with a flat foot against the target). Then into using my knees. Then into a combo of all three.

Can you imagine the sweat dripping from me after each class? Believe me, it’s in buckets. But that’s a good thing. That is what I signed up for. To give you all a little insight into what I’ve been talking about these past almost eight weeks I asked my sensei Doug a few questions about martial arts and why it seems more and more people are taking it to enhance a weight loss journey…

How many people come to you, like me, wanting to take MMAs as a way to lose weight/stay in shape?

“More then you’d think! Most people see UFC on television and say to themselves “I wish I could get that same type of workout, but I really don’t want to get elbowed in the jaw. Does such a workout exist?” Yes. Not all of us have an interest in competition on a professional level. Some of my students do, but my most popular adult programs are fitness based. These days people tell me that their two main reasons for training are stress relief and weight loss. What better way to combine the two worlds then hitting things? Out of all the adults I have in my studio, I’d say a good 85 percent are in it to stay in shape.”

What mixed martial arts do you teach? Why those particular ones?

“The styles of martial arts that I teach are the ones that I have had the most training in. I’ve been studying Kenpo karate for over 20 years now. I first started training in 1987. Kenpo’s main focus is on stand-up striking, and stand-up self defense. In the late 1980s, it was becoming very popular and is a very effective “street” art. I also teach Gracie Jiu Jitsu. Let’s face it, any good old street fight is going to end up on the ground. Although I did not get into my jiu jitsu training until 2006, this system of self defense from the ground, and the science of grappling has always held a special place in my heart. From the very first time I saw Royce Gracie in UFC 1, I knew that was a technique that I needed to learn. I discovered my teachers through a friend. I had no idea there was even a Gracie studio in or near Philadelphia until four years ago. I feel these two art forms offer something for everyone. I chose to teach them because I feel that it’s important to be ready for any type of situation on the street.”

What originally got you started and interested mixed martial arts?

“My interest in the martial arts started from the time I saw my first Bruce Lee movie. Like most kids my age, we all played around with the moves we saw on the silver screen. Bruce was the first person I’d ever seen that made things like that seem possible for a little guy like me. Add to that the fact I went to a VERY tough school growing up, and you’ve got the recipe for a kid that NEEDS to learn how to protect himself. At least two, maybe even three times per week, I’d get into a fight in the schoolyard because I did not like to take crap from anyone. I’d also have no trouble standing up to people twice my size if one of my friends was being bugged by some bully. It really got to the point where people knew I’d fight, so they’d look for me first.”

How can this type of training be good for weight loss and fitness?

“With the advent of programs such as cardio kickboxing, Tae Bo, and even the famous P90X, this training is becoming very easy for the public to get its hands on. A traditional martial arts workout will focus on only the areas that increase strength for standing positions. Growing up, we used to do countless amounts of stance drills. We’d practice kicking, punching, and blocking with partners, and we’d spar at the end of every class. This style of training is great for muscle tone and endurance, but it fails to activate and use every important muscle group needed. When you incorporate ground fighting and grappling, you are now able to target the rest of the body in a way that the stand-up skills lack. In order to have a complete workout, you need to be training your entire body every time you practice. Mixed martial arts does not give the body a chance to overlook a single movement.”

Does a person need to be in the “best physical shape” to begin taking MMAs?

“Absolutely not. A person can come to me in the worst shape they’ve ever been in, and still get the best training they’ve ever had. I was speaking to my class some months ago about this very same subject because this is the most common objection I hear. “I’m not strong enough to do that,” or, “I’d hurt myself if I tried that.”  One of my students said it better then I could have, and this has become a mantra for that particular class: “this is an evolution, not a revolution.” If you’re in bad shape to start with, and you make the personal commitment to change, you’ve already started your journey! The point in coming to class is so that you see the change happen in front of yourself over time and that you also enjoy the learning experience. Every exercise that we do can be altered or modified to fit any body type. As you get stronger, you work closer to your ideal body position. You don’t have to be in “perfect” shape at all. If you are in great shape, we take the training to the next level. I can always give a student more or less, depending on your needs. Any good coach should be in touch with the student’s needs.”

After my classes I am exhausted, sweaty (scratch that. I was mega-sweaty) and thirsty, but what incredible workouts they are. They’re the kind of workouts that should hurt. Sweat means you are burning fat and I am doing that. I am working muscles I never knew I had (like behind and under my shoulders) and I was getting my body into a new kind of workout to help trim off these pesky remaining pounds and, hopefully, firm up what’s left. And when you have an instructor like Sensei Doug, who wants to help people not just train-up for martial arts but get to their personal goals or weight loss, fitness or self-defense it turns a hard-as-hell workout into a partnership.

There is a saying in the studio in which we train which I have shared before and am going to share with you all again today, because it applies to all aspects of life…“A black belt is a white belt who didn’t quit.”

Damn right, and neither will I. Hell, if I can do it with my flabby arms, thighs and belly, anyone can.

About Doug Shaffer: Doug Shaffer, a seasoned martial arts and self-defense instructor with more than 20 years of personal training experience, is one of the most sought after mixed martial arts trainers in the region. Doug currently holds a third-degree black belt in kenpo karate, a second-degree black belt in Filipino Arnis, and a blue belt in Gracie Jiu Jitsu.  He is currently pursuing a purple belt in Gracie Jiu Jitsu from Balance Studios in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  He also studies Ashtanga Yoga with Phil Migliarese, a protégé of the late Sri K. Pattabhi Jois.  Doug currently trains people out of his studio in Lansdale, Pennsylvania. To contact him, please visit www.amerikicklansdale.com.

T.G.I.F.! Hey there, everyone and happy Friday! I hope you guys all make it through today to get to a fantastic weekend.

I received a phone call today from my sensei, martial arts and self-defense instructor Doug Shaffer, letting me know my class is being moved to tomorrow. Now, the average person would be like “woohoo, an extra day to rest!” But not me. Moving my class to tomorrow will truly be a challenge for me for two reasons – one, he is incorporating me into an actual mixed martial arts class with others. So there will be the challenge to just keep up and stuff. Two, because it will test my ability to carry his teachings into the gym with me today and give myself a workout. Yes. It will be a test of my own will – er, I mean Bill – power.

So far in my class I have done many things, everything from the tricep dips I love so much to “walking the line” (going up and down the length of the mat doing kicks and boxing – a real workout indeed). We’ve shadowboxed, used the bag and done floor exercises. And at the end of every hour I am sweating, and sweating a lot.

So that is what I am challenging myself with today, being able to do all of those things (well most of them since we do not have a heavy bag in the gym in which I work out) without – repeat WITHOUT – someone standing there saying “O.K., do this” or “now do that.” I will challenge myself to make it an hour. I have to or else there is no point to me doing this. I mean what if, one day, my classes ended. What then? I wouldn’t just stop. I wouldn’t want to stop.  I am trying hard to get my butt (and other parts) into shape and all of this is learning and putting that learning into practice.

Kind of like a Jedi Knight I keep mentioning by the name of Skywalker (Luke, that is. Not whiny boy Anakin). Luke did two things that I always keep thinking about. One, in between “The Empire Strikes Back” and “Return of the Jedi” he kept up with his training. After he left Yoda in “Empire” he continued so he could defeat Jabba, get Han back and prepare for his destiny – to be a Jedi Knight. Two, Luke also put that training to use, both mentally and physically, when it came to facing Darth Vader after Yoda died.

Sorry about that. This geek moment is brought to you by the letters “J” and “K,” and by the number 6.

I guess all of that “Star Wars” talk is just my geeky way of saying I am going to not only build on my teachings so far but also honor my own words from yesterday to make the most of the time I had allotted anyway. Life is short, my friends, and just because our workout buddies or instructors aren’t there doesn’t mean we should slack off. It’s up to us to give ourselves that workout because we are worth it, it makes us better, stronger and makes us live much longer.

So here is to sweat today, my friends, because we all should put forth our very best even, and especially, on Fridays. What better way to earn the weekend ahead.

Today is Thursday, it’s about 9:19 a.m. and I am just getting my nearly 40-year-old motor going for the day.  Part of that is due to yet another amazing martial arts workout from my sensei, martial arts and self-defense expert Doug Shaffer. I wonder sometimes if I would be better at this stuff if I were younger. Then it hits me, “nah. I just need to get my fat butt moving.”

So yesterday we did mainly mat work and leg work. I did lunging kicks, roundhouse kicks, exercises that can help get an attacker/opponent off you, a reverse push-up kick move and more. Plus we did my favorite exercise – those sweet but deadly reverse push-ups (actually, I think they’re called tricep dips). I swear to you guys I love these because they are great to do in your home – and I do.

While I was doing all these things I kept thinking to myself “I can do this. I just need to get my fat butt moving.” And I did. And while it’s not easy taking a body that used to be 400 pounds (with all of its still-persistent extra skin and flab) and make it faster and more coordinated, but I am doing my best and that is what matters. I sweat like a pig, but that’s good. I am tired as hell after, but that’s good. I roll out of bed today (late) with aches, but that’s good. I am getting my fat butt moving, and that’s good.

Today, I am going to do at least 20 of those reverse push-ups/tricep dips, if not more, to keep in practice. Also, have to practice other moves, too. Also, I am going to be working on cardio today with a good long walk or on the elliptical in the gym. Why, because I know I will be working hard tomorrow again. And even though this is only the second week I am already seeing results in my arms and I could swear (SWEAR) my love handles are looking a tad bit smaller. That may be my imagination but I like it.

So what are you guys going to do today to get your butts moving? I know it’s hard sometimes to either find the motivation, time or place but it can be done. Remember, you can do many types of exercises both at work or at home with minimal space/time requirements. You can always do some tummy crunches in your chairs (especially at work or while watching TV). You can always take a walk around your office or around the block at lunch.

As always I recommend you talk to your doctor before you try to do any exercise for the first time just to make sure you are able to do so, especially if you are starting from scratch and are of size. But I tell you, once you can get into a nifty exercise routine it’s like a drug. You will want to do it more, like my martial arts class, even if that regimen is just talking a regular walk around the block. You are working for you and making that time for you.

And to do a tricep dip you will need a chair that doesn’t have wheels on it, or another stationary surface higher than the ground. Stairs, for example. Position yourself with your back facing that chair or stairs. Grasp the front of the chair’s seat with your hands and fingers facing forward.  You can either plant your feet with your knees bent (as in this diagram) or extend your legs/hips forward with your heels supporting the lower body. Slowly bend your elbows, lowering your torso and butt so they are a few inches off the floor/ground. Then, push back up by slowly straightening your arms.

And while it may kick your butt, it gets your butt moving and that is how we are in this fight and losing weight together.

Hey there and happy Saturday, everyone.

I can’t believe it! I am actually in “O.K.” pain from yesterday’s second mixed martial arts session with martial arts and self-defense expert Doug Shaffer. When I say “O.K.” pain I mean I ache but only in the ways I’m supposed to. The kind of aches you have after using muscles you didn’t even know were there (like the freaking muscles I seem to have activated on the back of my armpits) and using them for the first time. Sure, my triceps hurt. They should. Sure, I feel as though my crotch has been stretched like Van Damme used to do. It should.  That is what this workout was and is meant to be. It is awesome (I always sweat within the first five minutes) and I am learning cool stuff (who knew I’d kick better with my left leg than my right?). I know I have homework from Sensei Doug and will report on that soon.

After martial arts I came back to my computer to sort of wrap up the day and I came across an older (from March 2009) and rather disturbing story about something I have LONG-suspected – that a great number of contestants who appear on “The Biggest Loser” gain their weight back – that they are basically set up to fail.

Now, before you go getting all “hey wait! You said you liked this show and it does inspire me” on me I will say, for the record that this is only my opinion and I, too, have been and continued to be inspired by the weight loss dreams of its contestants. I find the human stories of people fighting the “battle of the bulge” all over this country very moving and inspiring. I really do. However, the problem I have isn’t with that. It’s with the methods the show uses to get people to lose weight and how unrealistic it is given the real world we all face.

Just to recap what I’ve said before, I believe (again, only my humble opinion) that “The Biggest Loser” is unrealistic because of how the show sequesters people from the real world and puts them through an incredibly and rigorously intense two/three month fitness regimen to lose the weight we see on the show. In other words, of course you’d lose weight – it’s the only thing you have to do for that entire time. It’s your only job. That is what is unrealistic. When the real world comes creeping back in so do the pounds because you have neither people yelling at you to keep going nor the equipment at “the ranch.”

Again, this is just my opinion however it seems to be shared by two others – Kai Zwierstra, runner-up on “The Biggest Loser” Season Three, and Season winner, Erik Chopin. Not only does each one confirm what I suspected their stories are really the heartbreak of it all.

In a story that ran in the Anchorage Daily News, in reality stardom’s after-light, it seems getting skinny on national television didn’t melt away her problems. Instead, it magnified a volatile all-consuming cycle with food and exercise Zwierstra (who appeared on the show under her maiden name Kai Hibbard) doubts will ever go away. It caused her to lose weight in very desperate ways while on the show, including that final weigh-in night. It caused her to use Ex-Lax. It caused her to make herself throw up.  Please read the entirety of her story. It is absolutely eye-opening and part of what you don’t see when the cameras stop rolling (both on and off the set).

Then there is the story of Erik Chopin, who after losing 214 lbs. (he started off at 407) was crowned the winner of Biggest Loser season 3. But after the reality show was over and the trainers had gone home, the deli owner from West Islip, N.Y., slowly gained the weight back (he got back up to 368 lbs.).In January of this year, Erik became the subject of a Discovery Health documentary, “Confessions of a Reality Show Loser,” which chronicles his story and his new attempts to re-lose the weight and do it right.  He even went on Oprah to talk about his weight loss and re-gain.

In the article from Anchorage, “The Biggest Loser” executive producer Mark Koops said about half of the show’s contestants keep the weight off. Half! And, that counseling isn’t (ISN’T) part of the show’s plan. How can it not be when people, in a very short, intense amount of time, give up their normal lives, workout all day, lose a tremendous amount of weight then get thrust back into actual reality and are still expected to keep going. That’s crap and not realistic, or healthy.

Also from the article is a quote from Lynn Grefe, CEO of the National Eating Disorders Association. “Compulsive overeating is a disease,” she said, “with deep psychological roots. The show makes a spectacle of people’s pain. Can you imagine doing that with cancer — whose tumor is going to disappear faster?” she said. “My chemo versus your chemo?”

I guess what I am saying, and what I have always said is to take weight loss seriously enough to know there are no quick fixes or “magic pills.” And that shows like “The Biggest Loser,” while inspiring on some level, do have a reality to them you don’t see and you can’t take what you see on the screen as real reality.

It is television, after all.

My friends, I am sore today.

Yesterday I had the incredible opportunity to have my first (key word – first) mixed martial arts workout with martial arts and self defense expert Doug Shaffer. I knew this was going to be a down-and-dirty workout. I knew I was going to sweat. I knew I was going to sleep until noon (well, 9:30 a.m.). I knew I was going to hurt today…

…and I loved every minute of it.

The martial arts I am learning are a mixture of Kempo, Ju-Jitsu and American kickboxing, so I started my training by learning how to punch. I put on my MMA (mixed martial arts) gloves and I went to work learning how to throw a punch (something I am proud to say I have never done in my life in the real world) using the heavy bag. After that, I started moving around the bag punching which is harder because I had to concentrate on what I was doing. Once I get comfortable with it I won’t think about it, I will just do it.

Next came kicks. Yep, no “Karate Kid”  “wax on, wax off,” “hang your jacket up” stuff. I went right into kicking and how to properly kick (with a flat foot against the target). Then into using my knees. Then into a combo of all three.

Can you see the sweat dripping from me? Believe me, it was in buckets. But that’s a good thing. That is what I signed up for.

After that, I did some reverse push-up thing which really hurt (which, again, is good), shadowboxing, kick-walking (which is the only way I can describe doing kick exercises while advancing on the mat) and a cool yet strenuous reverse-spider movement thingie that I still don’t quite have the hang of yet. All this while learning how to do all this breathing through my nose and not my mouth (it’s harder than it looks if you’re used to mouth-breathing like me). We wrapped up by doing stretches which really did limit how much I hurt today. Stretches are key after a workout like that.

Afterward I was exhausted. I was sweaty (scratch that. I was mega-sweaty). I was thirsty…

…and my ass hurt.

But what an incredible workout it was. It’s the kind of workout that should hurt. Sweat means you are burning fat and I was doing that. I was working muscles I never knew I had (like behind and under my shoulders) and I was getting my body into a new kind of workout to help trim off this remaining ten pounds and, hopefully, firm up what’s left. And when you have an instructor like Sensei Doug, who wants to help people not just train-up for martial arts but get to their personal goals or weight loss, fitness or self-defense it turns a hard-as-hell workout into a partnership.

Want to know the kicker (ha, I made a martial arts joke)? I do all this again tomorrow (I did say it was my first lesson), probably harder and faster, to test what I’ve learned and to build on that. And what does that mean?  It means I so need to finish writing and get my sore ass to the gym to workout, which I finally think I can do not that my body has warmed up a bit and isn’t so stiff.

There is a saying in the studio in which we trained which I am going to share with you all today, because it applies to all aspects of life…

“A black belt is a white belt who didn’t quit.”

Damn right, and neither will I. Hell, if I can do it with my flabby arms, thighs and belly, anyone can.

I’ve loved (LOVED) the movies ever since I was a kid. But this is old news to you guys. Regular readers to my blog KNOW how much I love, quote and sometimes breathe movies. And with it being summertime I am in my element – lots of shoot-em-up, blow-em-up and fight-em-up action in theaters to keep me (hopefully) entertained for the two-hour stretches I invest (as well as the $10-plus dollars I spend).

In 1984 the original “The Karate Kid” came out and every kid on my block was hooked, including yours truly. That, plus reruns of movies like “Enter The Dragon” and other then-current movies like “The Last Dragon,” “Bloodsport” and “Cyborg” had us all doing the “hey-ya” sound followed by some awkward-as-hell kick/punch move that was supposed to be lightning but instead looked like, well, a kid TRYING to do a very-uncoordinated martial arts move. The heroes of the day were Jean-Claude Van Damme (before he started taking lots of drugs), Steven Segal (before we knew how weird that guy turned out to be) and the immortal Bruce Lee. Oh yeah, and Ralph Macchio.  Yes, Ralph Macchio, who will forever be doing that goofy crane move to win the tournament, the adoration of his mentor, Mr. Miyagi (the awesome Pat Morita), the girl and the respect of his enemies at the end of “The Karate Kid.”

Why am I waxing nostalgic on “The Karate Kid?” Today, I am taking a step into a larger world and am beginning martial arts training as part of a newer overall fitness regimen. That’s right, me, Bill Ivory Larson, is heading out to Lansdale, PA to begin martial arts training under the teachings of martial arts and self-defense expert Doug Shaffer. I met Doug (excuse me, Sensei) at a Tweet-up (a social media gathering of people who frequently use Twitter) and told him about my 175-pound weight loss and my journey so far. He asked me what kind of gym training I had had and I said “none really,” and he invited me to join him at his studio to begin working out using martial arts.

Whenever you lose a ton of weight, unless you are working out like a fiend every single day, you are going to have flab and skin issues. I am no exception. I have what I call “chicken arms,” flabby thighs and my tummy longs for the day it can have abs as ripped as Ryan Reynolds or Jason Statham. So part of why I am taking martial arts training is to do what I’ve always learned – change up my workouts to trick my body into burning more fat. I am also doing it to tone up those saggy bits and hopefully improve my overall fitness and health. My training will be two times a week (Wednesdays and Fridays) and will supplement the things I already do (cardio and weight training in my gym).

You know I have to say I am truly looking forward to this. I’ve never been afraid of a challenge – hell, I took scuba diving training and I was afraid of drowning – and this will certainly be one. One of the things I promised myself I’d do when I lost all that weight is do things I wasn’t ever able to do before. Being physical is one of them, whether it’s sports or activities. It doesn’t matter that I have less than half-a-year until I turn 40. Because I lost weight I feel like a new person who, knock on wood, has a new lease on life and will (hopefully) live a much longer and healthier one. And don’t worry, I will keep you all posted on how things go during my martial arts training. It will be interesting, to say the least, to see a guy whose greatest activity used to be sitting in a darkened movie theater watching movies like “The Karate Kid” actually learn to do this stuff.

It’s funny how life sometimes comes back around. We can see it every day with styles the kids are wearing (I can’t believe the long-haired look is back for boys), by the fact that 80s music is back and being embraced (only this time it’s retro) and by seeing old TV shows or movies like “The A-Team” or “The Karate Kid” remade into this summer’s blockbuster movies.  Well, while Jaden Smith learns Kung-Fu from Jackie Chan in this year’s remake (yes, it’s Kung-Fu not Karate but you don’t mess with cool movie name and franchise recognition) I will finally be living out a childhood movie fantasy of mine, too, while getting healthier and hopefully leaner in the process.

I just hope I don’t look as silly doing the crane move thing or learning “wax on, wax off.”

Did any of you ever watch “Seinfeld?” The NBC show that ran for however-many seasons was famous, in part, for being the “show about nothing.” Jerry Seinfeld even said so. And it was. It was so popular because we enjoyed watching these neurotic New Yorkers getting into silly crap with no special overall meaning at all. Again, a show about nothing.

I fell like that’s what my blog is today. The “Seinfeld” of blogs. Even though I haven’t watched that show since it went off the air (and won’t now, even in reruns, because of the racist tirade of one of its stars, Michael Richards), I totally get why a show about nothing was so popular.  Ugh. This is one of those days where I don’t know what to write about. I’m sitting at my computer looking  out of the stop sign-shaped window next to me, staring wishfully at the sky as if the inspiration would fall from it. But alas it doesn’t and I sit here trying to rattle enough of my marbles (at least the ones I got left) trying to think of something. I guess I will update you guys on stuff going on. So let’s go to the diner, take our usual booth and kibbitz…

I’ve been eating OK, lately. Not great but OK. I know I eat out way too much. Even though I tend to get the healthier things on a menu I need to just buy stuff for myself and cook it. Not only would it be cheaper in the long run it would also help me calorie-wise. Maybe that’s why “Julie & Julia” has been on cable so much lately. Maybe it’s a sign or a gentle nudge from mom, “get your butt to the store and buy some groceries for this house.”

And it’s not that I don’t enjoy cooking. I do. I like cleaning off a space and putting all the ingredients on it, like I’m the host of a cooking show talking to the chairs in front of me telling them what I’m about to prepare. And while I am not the best cutter-upper I do love how things look all mixed up in a bowl or pan, especially when I know it’s going to make something yummy for my tummy. O.K., O.K. I’ll get my butt to the store. Especially ’cause that means I get to make that good chicken recipe I told you all about a while back. Cool! Or maybe I’ll make a soup so good the Soup Nazi will be jealous?

A bisque, perhaps?

Nah. He’d just look at me and say “no soup for you” and kick me out of his store. And was that the “bon bubble-pop bubble-pop bown bown) of the “Seinfeld” theme I just heard in the background? Weird.

Anyway, I am going to be starting a different kind of strength training and conditioning beginning next week, that’s when I start seeing martial arts and self-defense expert (and friend) Doug Shaffer who’s going to start whipping my butt into shape (at least I hope so). I am at this “battle of the final ten” (AGAIN!) and I so want to lose those ten. I think martial arts will be good for me. It will challenge my body in new ways to help me lose weight, be leaner and will expand my mind all at the same time. Of course I will let you guys know how it goes. I also need to get my butt to the gym, too. I am so feeling the need to do the elliptical today, and it helps that I go during the day when no one is there. Yeah, that will be good.

And it’s the weekend. I haven’t been too worried about weekends in a while, especially since I am trying to be more Zen about things and not get so upset about an ounce here or there. I just know I have to watch what and how much (ESPECIALLY how much) I eat and I will be OK. I so plan to be down another pound by this time next week. And I will so do a dance of joy when I get back to that goal weight (but not like Elaine, who can’t dance to save her life).

Well, there you have it. I may not have their famed Superman appearance somewhere in every episode but it’s what I got today. There are XYZ number of stories in the naked city and today I’m one of ‘em. And while I am not trying to back into a parking space here or yada-yada something there I am doing my best to keep on this weight loss journey the best I can.

And that my friends is totally sponge-worthy.