Determined To Succeed

You ever have one of those days where the wind is taken out of your sails? Yesterday was like that for me. I am doing my best to keep this weight off and I gain some back. I send out a small business contest entry only to find out I was not selected as a finalist. I sent out a press pitch that was (very nicely) denied. I have to spend a little more money than I planned this coming week – money I don’t really have. Not end-of-my-world type stuff but stuff that, nonetheless, deflated me a bit.

As I am an emotional eater this is a HUGE trigger for me. It is exactly times like this that make me want something sweet, something comforting and something really bad for me. What kind of stuff do you ask? Well….take your pick. Hostess cupcakes come to mind. Chinese food. You know, my usual stand-by comfort foods. And they lurk nearby, predators waiting to pounce on a weak and wounded animal.

In fighting this “battle of the final ten,” the last ten pounds I need to re-lose to get back to my goal weight, I admit I get tired. I have been struggling to re-lose this weight for so long I can both taste victory and see it just far enough away to make me wonder I will ever get there. Another wind taken from my sails. And when I have days like yesterday, combined with it being all icky, grey and rainy outside, I really want to go off the wagon and fill my belly with yummy-tasting food stuffs to ease that deflated feeling inside.

So I got myself together and went to the store. As I entered and the electric doors parted for me I remembered something. I remembered a few things actually:

1)      I remembered that, while it is harder to lose weight and make good choices, I am so worth those good choices and effort.

2)      I will not re-reach my goal the more I give in to my triggered comfort foods.

3)      The more I select foods that are good for me I can maintain not only portion control but a healthier diet as well.

4)      Weaning myself from foods that are bad, especially sweets, I curtail that snacky “need” and “taste” I feel at night.

So yesterday, instead of giving into the easy and quick I chose vegetables, fruits and chicken instead of the delicious-looking Hostess cakes, Tastycakes, candy bars and chips so readily nearby. I chose to buy that chicken and veggies to make meals for not just lunch and dinner yesterday, but also lunch and dinner today, too. And I maintained my resolve yea though I walked through the valley of the shadow of snacks for a feared no evil, for it was my choice, as it is always, what I put into my body. And it should be, and was, good.

A very wise person once told me to stop eating crap, stop eating out and that cooking at home is a far better, cheaper and healthier alternative. And you know something, they are exactly right. It is better. And when the wonderful smells and delicious aromas of cooking foods fill the kitchen you know you have done right not only by your pocket book but by yourself, too.

And that is exactly the kind of success we all need to put the wind back in those sails to keep on sailing.

It’s Thursday. Just three days to go until Mother’s Day and I am finding myself fighting food urges more and more. The only thing that seems to make me feel better is that I know I am fighting food urges and know why they are there in the first place. My name is Bill and I’m an emotional (and sometimes situational) eater.

Sometimes, food urges are situational. Like when you go to an event, like I did last week, and have tater tots for no better reason other than you have one glass of wine, someone else orders them and they smell really freaking good. Seemed like a good idea at the time, and it didn’t have tooooooo much effect on the bottom waistline (thank God). Or when I went to a meeting the other day where they were serving sandwiches, chips, brownies and my Kryptonite – Coca-Cola. I walked away but not before having just one small piece of sandwich. Just one small one, thank goodness.

But most times for me food urges are emotional. When I’m happy and I know it I clap my hands (and reach for snacks). When I’m nervous about something that’s a double whammy – not only do I binge but I mindlessly do it because whatever I’m nervous about occupies my mind and I don’t think of what, or how much, I’m eating. And recently, I’ve been wanting snacks because I am sad and missing my mama, JoAnn. So I reach for the things I used to have with her as a kid – Hostess Cupcakes and the sweet taste of a plain Hershey chocolate bar. I’ve even had an ice-cold Pepsi from time to time, too, in memory of her.

I know this food won’t bring my mom back, or do me any damn good when I’m trying (almost desperately) to bring my weight down. What I have to fight is that short-term high I get when I have these things. It’s like taking drugs, I guess. Score a “hit,” feel great, come down and want very much to have that again.

I know these feelings of sadness and emptiness will get a bit stronger as we approach Mother’s Day this Sunday, but knowing that does help. It may not help me curb ALL the urges I have and I know I will give into a few here and there. Just know it will be just here and there, not all the time and won’t be every day.

I will also take comfort knowing that the people in my life who still have their moms, or are moms themselves, will be with their loved ones this weekend. Whether it is by voice or in person, or even with just a card received in the mail. And  while some of these moms are healthy, some are not. Some moms may be beginning a fight with arthritis, memory or worst of all, cancer. To those moms and their children you have my heart, know that I am with you in spirit and I sincerely wish that all is made well soon.

And for those special people in my life who no longer have their moms I am with you in spirit, too. I have heard so many times since last June 9 how that void never goes away. The pain just dulls a bit. And I know in my mind and in my heart that there isn’t comfort food enough on this planet to feed that kind of longing or squelch that kind of dull pain. So we will be there for each other, too, toasting them in their ultimate healing away from this earth.

Damn, it really helps to talk about all of these feelings with you guys. Thank you. That, not cupcakes, Chinese food, Cokes, cheesesteaks, hot dogs or ribs, makes me feel better. Very much so.

All along this weight loss journey I’ve had my peaks and valleys, my highs and lows and my temptations and successes. And there have been some weekends I’ve had the will power to resist such foods and some where I haven’t. Some of my weaknesses have seemed consuming at times – my “need” for snacks, Chinese food and Coca-Cola, just to name a few. But as much as I sometimes dread the weekends for this eating I look forward to Mondays to start the week anew.

I look forward this week in particular to really hitting the gym hard and taking the further advice of the personal trainer, Jorge. Which means I’m going to focus every other day weight training and alternate days doing cardio changing all of it up as I go to make sure my body doesn’t freeze on a weight because it’s used to the workout.

I look forward to this week to really get back on track with eating well. I have to admit something here. Those weaknesses I spoke about earlier…one of them is the weekend, in general. For some strange reason I am so much better with being good during the week. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s because things seem so much more regimented. Work begins at nine, ends around five, you eat dinner, watch a few shows and then the next day starts.

But the weekend comes and then somehow my mind opens the floodgates. Maybe it’s running around doing errands, hanging with friends and not being on such a schedule makes me more susceptible to, uh, the suggestion of food. Argh!! Why can’t those floodgates close? I wish I knew.

Ah well. I wrote in one of my weight loss blogs once not to spend too much time dwelling in the past. I even used one of my favorite movies ever, Disney’s “The Lion King,” to illustrate how forgiving oneself of the past and focusing on nothing but the future is the way to find the potential in us all for success. So I do look forward to getting back to the routine of the week, the routine of mind over fatter (as I call it).

It’s kind of hard to believe the year is already almost a quarter over. Can you believe it? I can’t. But I know in my heart it has been time well-spent. Learning something new each and every day on my weight loss journey. And with each and every day comes the opportunity to start anew, just like Mondays…

Did you watch the Oscars last night? I know I did. It is my holiday. It is my Superbowl. It is my World Series. It is my Wimbledon, Daytona 500 and Masters all rolled into one golden eight-and-a-half pound statue made in my sweet home Chicago.

But I was sick yesterday and as I night wore on I regressed. Maybe I pushed myself too hard in staying up so late. I don’t know but for whatever reason this cold has embedded itself in my chest like “Alien” (although I wish I could cough it all out and finally feel better).

As I hunkered down on the sofa watching Hollywood’s big night I had a wonderful (and healthy) beef barley soup (soup IS good food, especially for the sick). In-between bowls I thought about these Oscars. Were there many surprises? Not in my book. I was involved in two Oscar pools and except for the documentary (short and long-form), animated short and the surprise of “Precious: Based on the novel ‘Push’ by Saphire” winning Best Adapted Screenplay and that weird, overbearing woman doing a Kanye and just taking over the damn microphone from the guy when Best Documentary Short was announced, I have to say the Oscars were very, very predictable this year.

How does this equate to food? Well, I started thinking about Oscar foods. No, not the kind made by a certain Wolfgang Puck for the various parties in La-La-Land. I mean the kinds of potluck dishes people can make next year for their own Oscar parties.

Let’s take some of the winners and turn them into yummy foods, desserts and drinks:

You could offer from “Inglorious Custards” a Christoph Meat-Baltz (I mean really. Who doesn’t love a good meatball as an appetizer or sandwich. There’s also “The Blind Side Dishes” dessert somewhere featuring “Candy” Bullock or from “Glazy Tarts,”  Jeff (potato) Ridges.

This one’s a tie. A toss up between “The Yo-Gurt Locker” or “The Hurt Meat Locker” (whether you go with a healthier dessert theme or an anti-pasta you can’t really blow this – HA!)

For those who are thirsty you could have “The Beery Kind (especially since Jeff Bridges was loaded most of the time in “Crazy Heart”) or plain old 7-”Up” (although that one’s almost too easy).

“The Young Pigtoria” (everything tastes better with bacon and maybe scallops wrapped in bacon would be a good way to honor this Oscar winner for Costume Design)

And finally, the biggest box-office champ of all-time – “AVATAR.” These might sound bad but you could try “Caviartar” (if your party is REALLY high-end and you like fish eggs on crackers from Russia), or if not a food you could post a sign on your bathroom calling it the “Lavatar” for the night (that one even made me chuckle a bit).

Whatever kind of event gets you going (NASCAR, golf, tennis, baseball or football), if you’re gonna have fattening foods at these things make them fun but remember to have them in moderation, planning for them both before the event and after. In the meantime we have another year of movies to see, places to go and snacks to eat.  Just try to cut back on the popcorn (it’s horrible for you) and sneak in your own healthier food instead.

Shhhhhh. Don’t tell ‘em I said that. Enjoy the movies.

Good news from the front on the Battle of the final five! With better eating (steamed chicken and veggies instead of fried; no soda; more water) and exercise (7AM comes awfully fast) I am now down to four pounds above my ultimate goal. Again, my recommitment to my goal and myself have gotten me feeling healthier and stronger to fight this Battle of the Bulge.

But while I will be eating healthier again tonight, too (more steamed chicken and veggies), I am sitting at my desk fighting off the Attack of the Munchies. You know what I am talking about ladies and gentlemen: that point in the day where you just need a snack (something crunchy, salty, chocolaty, cakey) to tide you over until lunch or din din. Argh! And just when the munchies abound is when there seems to be an abundance of food stuffs.

I am just going to stay focused and remember that I am fighting to lose this extra few pounds before my birthday (December 12).  We will see how close I get but not for anything or anyone else but me.

Until then, we will help each other fight off the little elf and his magical cookies, those really tasty (you guessed it) cakes and the biggest temptation of all. The ice-cold, refreshing Coca-Cola. As a treat, all are OK but not until I get back to my goal weight and feel better about myself in doing it.