Determined To Succeed

Happy New Year, my friends, and happy day one-hundred-forty-nine.

I know I haven’t written in such a long while (two weeks to be exact) and I’m so sorry about that. The sad truth is I fell off the radar because I fell off the wagon a bit partially because I had to take it easy recouping from my diverticulosis (which meant not exercising as much) and partially because, well, I grew lazy and ate more than I should. I know better, I really do, but having my hospital stay take place over the holiday, with all of its foods and trappings, made even maintaining my weight a challenge. But I am happy to say that today I stepped on the scale and am down a pound-and-a-half from the last time I wrote (my weight today is 247.2) and I am ready to kick this new year’s ass in terms of getting back to my weight loss goal.

For those of you old enough to remember the original “Battlestar Galactica” TV show I remind myself of the Lorne Green voice-over during the opening to the show which told of how Commander Adama and his rag-tag fugitive fleet of refugee ships was trying to make it home to a shining planet known as Earth. I am also reminded of the old Japanese anime TV show called “Star Blazers” in which the protagonists are counting down the days they have because they only have a year to get back to Earth to defend it against some-such this or that (if I am remembering it correctly). In both cases, and I am sure many more, the good guys in those shows are always on the journey to reach something, whether that is a destination like Earth, a thing like a precious gem or trying to beat time. Well, my friends, on this fourth day of the year I feel I am doing all of the above.

I have been fighting this battle of the bulge all my life but trying to re-re-re-lose these last twenty (now twenty-two) pounds has been the goal since I regained that weight when my mom, JoAnn Larson, died. I have gotten to within a few pounds then it all seemed to go to hell. But just four days into the new year I am chucking my aspirations to lose that weight in with the rest of everyone who is looking at the new year for a chance to begin again. I will take that chance, thank you very much, and raise you many more things to do. let me explain…

…A while back I wrote you guys in this blog and told you all about a list of 40 things I wanted to do now that I reached the awesome age of 40, my 40/40 list. That’s right, I am embracing not only the fact I have turned 40 but that I am no longer wasting time. This year is only 4 days old and I have already knocked a couple of things off my list. O.K., they might be easier to do than others but it is something. So, here is my list (even though I’ve come up with 28 or so). I intend for them to be done from now until December 31, 2011. Here they are with more to come (as I think of them – it‘s hard to think of 40 things):

See, ain’t that cool? So far since turning 40 I’ve seen the Grand Canyon, I’ve seen those beautiful bald eagles in the wild and have shaved off my beard and mustache. It is wild seeing my entire face not covered by hair. Yikes! I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that. Most of all, though, I am resetting my gears to finally take that stupid twenty-two pounds off once and for all and get back to being 225. Not only is it on my list but it’s the one I will be working on the rest of my life. So after this, my friends, I am off to the gym to keep up the postive downward trend. We may only be four days into the new year but times-a-wasting, and I wish no longer to lose time doing what I should have been doing all along…taking care of myself and using the time I have on this earth to embrace life, not waste it. Have a wonderful first week back to the grind. I will write again soon and check back in. You all rock! PS: The photo of the bald eagle I took on New Year’s Day in Maryland. It’s awesome to see flocks of bald eagles. It truly is. As for seeing my face? Eh, not so much. I want my beard and mustache back

Day eighty-six.

Alrighty then. Let’s start today with a recap of yesterday…

…I was up to 241.3. I was grumpy about it. I wanted to workout. I was gonna eat better and lighter. I was gonna do a food journal again.

Of all of that here is what I did do…

…I ended up not working out because I spent way too much time setting up a new computer at home (stupid internet…I almost broke it again) but I did eat much better yesterday. I started with two slices of cinnamon toast with butter. Then for lunch I had one grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup (awesome for a chilly fall day AND the heaviest meal). For dinner I had one (just one) cajun chicken breast, couscous and broccoli. For snacks I had a banana and some homemade trail mix (walnuts, craisins, pumpkin seeds and raisins). I kept myself to one soda (a diet root beer) and just one large glass of orange juice. Not too shabby, actually given how I have been eating lately and today I’ve already had my toast with a small glass of o.j.

Today, I am down ever so slightly. I am at 241.1 (hell, it’s better being two ounces down than up) and I am looking forward to eating much lighter again today. I wish I could say I am going to eat like a bird but birds actually eat (or try to eat) a helluva lot in the course of a day compared to their body weight. So I will just say I will try to eat extremely lightly today and not eat like the little winged ones swooping in and out of view looking for yummy morsels of grub on this chilly Fall day.

It’s hard, though. With the change in season and change in temperature to eat lighter. I don’t know about you but when the temperatures drop I think of hearty soups and stews and heavier meals that stick to your ribs, not salads and things. I do, however, have to do my best to remember that Fall and Winter, especially are dangerous times for me when it comes to eating. Not because it triggers anything emotional, but because it activates that basic human need to store-up for the winter and to eat then hibernate like your average bear (or just curl up on the couch and become a potato).

Yeah, it’s hard but it has to be done. Ground is always gained and lost in the battle of the bulge and in weight loss but it can be won even during the colder months. We (and I) just have to stick to it and be much better about everything all around – eating and exercising. I need to do that every single day, not just today. And speaking of today it’s election day across the country and no matter whether you’re Republican or Democrat, liberal or conservative I encourage you to get out and vote.  This way you not only do your civic duty but it gets you up and out (if you have elections in your area) and gets you moving.

Last night “Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace” was on TV and even though the film is awful (yes, me, a huge Star Wars fan saying a Star Wars film is awful) there are bits that are cool, like when Palpatine says wityh utmost certainty “I will be chancelor.” Well, with the same conviction I say I will re-lose this weight. As sure as Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader, and eventually returned to the good side of the Force again, I will lose weight.

So until tomorrow, my friends. Stay strong and be well. We will make it. You’ll see.

Day eighty.

Hey there, my friends. For those of you old enough (or pop-culture savvy enough) to remember there are two references I’m going to drop on you today: the first is the movie “Around the World in 80 Days” and the second is the Fifth Dimension’s “Would You Like To Fly In My Beautiful Balloon.” I bring up both because both things reference travel via balloon.

Here I am at day eighty and I feel great. These past days have been a Godsend to me because, for the first time in my adult life, I am truly getting to the bottom of my addictive cycles so that I can, once and for all, get a handle on what made me self-medicate so I never EVER do it again. And how am I doing that? By getting into the figurative balloon in my head and taking a tour of my past so I can see where I never want to be again.

I told you guys yesterday how I had to get a handle on my chocolate and Coke Zero cravings, and that is true. But as I swim around my head on day eighty of my sobriety I now know at least I KNOW I have to do that and am not making excused for it. My old self used to do that. I know I need to workout, which I am doing later today with Sensei Doug. The old me would have given the gym a half-hearted attempt MAYBE and I wouldn’t have broken that much of a sweat. I know when I am being “triggered” to eat unnecessarily and do my best to stop that behavior. The old me would never have done that.

I have also rediscovered myself in all this. I used to spend so much time hiding things that I would almost binge on being me. My old path saw me do things that were unimaginable and horrible, among those was warping who I was to conform to what I thought others wanted of me. Ironically, I never did that in my weight loss. That I have always been truthful and honest about. I have my ups and downs and my struggles with food and my weight. But what is now so different is that, after taking my balloon trip in my head (and how fucked up does that sound – I sound like I’m crazy) I realized how much I didn’t like myself very much. Where food was concerned I just ate and ate to suppress and squash what I was feeling – toxic shame, anger, resentment, fear and low self-esteem. Food, at least for a while, kept all those down and let me run. Now, I like myself again and even bought me something that is huge for me – a Star Wars lunchbox.

Is it silly? Yes.

Is it necessary in my life? No.

Do I like it? Does it make me happy? Yes!

Should I give a shit what other people think about it? Hell no!

I have spent so much of my adult life doing things that, on the outside, seemed cool but I only did it for others. Now that I am working on me, by going to therapy and twelve-step meetings, I am truly liking myself again. More than that, I am embracing it and doing what I want to do, not what others prescribed for me.

In this wacky journey we call weight loss, yes, I have my ups and downs, but when I hover over that in my balloon and look over these past 80 days I see a guy who knows he will be OK. I know I will re-lose that weight and come out even stronger for it. Speaking of which I need to run and get ready so I can go kick some punching bag ass today with Sensei Doug.

Sometimes it is good to take a look at your own life from a different perspective, and rising above it, as if in a balloon, can do just the trick. Not only do you see where you’ve been clearly, you can see the road ahead of you…

…and, at least for me, you can do something that the Fifth Dimension also sings about – letting that sunshine in to help guide the way.

Let the sunshine…

Let the sunshine in.

The sun shine in…

Day seventy-four.

I freaking hate this time of year in stores. Candy, candy EVERYWHERE! Chocolate, chocolate EVERYWHERE! It’s really hard enough as it is trying not to eat badly by going to the store and getting things to make at home (like my mac and cheese last night) but give a fat guy a break, will ya! I mean, damn. Halloween this and candy that. You just can’t get away from it.

When I was a kid I trick-or-treated just like every other kid out there lucky enough to be able to do so. My costumes were never elaborate, hand-sewn masterpieces of fabric and materials. No, my costumes were what they were – perfect for me and given to me by my mom, costumes made of plastic that you find in boxes, you know, the complete ones. Oh man, they were perfect. Spider-Man, Batman anything Star Wars…Halloween was a great time to be a kid…

…however as I approach 40 I realize how uncool Halloween can be for us adults. But more on that later.

I even remember the biggest “haul” I got. One Halloween I got what seemed like an endless supply of candy. It was amazing and my bag so heavy with chocolate, sugary sweets and treats. I had so much I even took some to school (and of course I shared some with my mom). That was awesome.

As I grew older and I went from receiving candy to buying it I realize how much temptation there is when I shop to just get and eat a whole bag of chocolaty goodness in one sitting. And why not, right? These bite-sized morsels don’t have any calories (they’re too small for that). Yeah, right! I wish.

I’ve always been straight-up with you guys about my eating and all my ups and downs in weight and eating. Well, this is no exception. I did buy myself a bag of Hershey’s miniatures (with almonds) and have been doling out rations to myself to make it last as long as I can. I could try to rationalize it by saying “well, at least I work out” but that would be horseshit. I do workout, yes, but that is not an excuse. I just love chocolate, and while I try to be good about having it there are times I give in to get “my fix.”

I’ve always told you guys I ate what I wanted along my weight loss journey and still continue to eat what I want (hence the delicious mac and cheese I made last night – not the healthiest thing I might add) but I will strive to be better. In less than two weeks the candy displays, commercials and ads will go away and make way for the images of Thanksgiving and turkey with all the trimmings (another danger zone for me). So until then I will do my best to steer clear of the candy aisle in the store.

I know today’s blog will be short but that’s OK. As us addicts say I just wanted to “get current” with you guys aqnd share a rant about candy being EVERYWHERE. EVERYWHERE, I tell you!!! Do you guys have the same problem? I know we are all in this together so I am hoping I am not alone in my cravings for chocolate-peanut butter, almond, gooey goodness.

Sigh. At least I am down 3 ounces. That is something today, I guess.

Day fifty-eight.

Woohoo! I continue my downward trend in my weight loss! Today I am at 240.2 thanks to just getting back on the horse. It may be raining outside but that’s doing nothing to dampen my spirits about getting back on track, and I am doing it with the help of some laundry that I very much needed to do.

C’mon! Admit it. There are times your laundry pile, well, is piled so high it might as well be called your laundry mountain. Am I right? We get through the week (eve two) not wanting to just get down and dirty with your down and dirties. Whether you hate folding, ironing, hanging or just the chore itself because it’s a pain in the ass to keep going up and downstairs laundry is actually very helpful when it comes to focus, determination and, most of all, achievement.

I love doing laundry. I love separating out the loads, stain-treating shirts and getting the piles to go into “the drink” for a must needed bath. But the part I enjoy most is the folding. When I was much younger (like around 20 or 21) I had the most rewarding job of my life working in a hospital laundry. There was such a simplicity to that gig. Yes, we folded literally hundreds of sheets and pillow cases every single day but it was beautiful in its simplicity AND it helped people. It was my way of contributing to the medical profession and the well-being of others. It was awesome and I will forever miss that job.

Today, when I sit and fold I either turn on a good movie or listen to some music and just lose myself in the chore because I get such a feeling of accomplishment when I am done and I see my piles of laundry, all neatly folded, ready to re-take their places in drawers, in closets or on shelves.  It’s great “me” time that reminds me so much of how just sitting down and tackling the work gets it done, and how it looks and feels afterward is a fruit of my labor.

That is what today is going to be devoted to, I think. My literal and figurative piles of laundry. Being all caught up in one’s own life “stuff” can mean that things get put aside, like taking care of yourself. But you have to keep taking care of yourself no matter what is going on. It may seem silly, even selfish, but if you don’t no one else will. The laundry ain’t gonna fold itself and put itself away. You have gto do that. The weight you (and I) need to lose won’t come off by itself. WE have to get to the gym, workout and eat better to lose it. Not to mention the fact that, while not burning that many calories, it burns calories while you’re doing it.

I know I geek out over strange stuff, usually “Star Wars” or other pop-culture fare, but laundry (and weight loss) is something I definitely get excited about. That’s because I see the commonality between the two. I choose to see how one is just like the other (or as Yoda would say “only different in your mind”). It may have been awhile since you attacked that laundry pile (or your exercise routine, or your better eating habits, etc.) but it’s time to start folding. Before you know it, your stack will be done and it will look great after all your hard work and effort.

Not to mention you’ll have lots more to wear when you go out, even on rainy days like today.

Day eleven.

Yesterday I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine, Mike (not the same Mike about whom I’ve talked before, but a different one who lives closer) about who my male role models were in life and I really had to think about that one. Instantly, my mind jumped back to my father, Ivory, who I can only remember in bits and pieces because I was so young but who made a lasting impression on me because he left. This man, who my mother loved until the day she died, took the opportunity to leave one day after he and my mom had an argument (I was about eight at the time) and he never called, wrote or came back again. This left me with a huge gap in my world. I thought I was O.K. not having a father growing up, and I was. My mom did an amazing job raising me with what she/we had, but my father set me on a course in my life which I have only come to recently realize. He was the first (and best) teacher of what it was like to live without honor.

The concept of honor. The more Mike and I talked the more we shared how certain pop culture figures became surrogate fathers and male role models for us. I felt so stupid as we sat there and talked because the concept of a virtual father seemed wrong, but it was very, very true. His questions made me realize that I didn’t have one father but a collage of fathers over the years, men on TV and in film who sometimes of questionable moral fiber but who ultimately did good in the end. Everyone from Rick in “Casablanca,” who left his politics at the door of his bar and allowed Nazis and the French, alike, to drink in his place – that is until Ilsa comes back and gets involved. When that happens he knows he can no longer be apathetic to what’s going on in the world. He must make a choice and chooses the side of good. Han Solo is another one who does almost the same exact thing. He doesn’t want to get involved but realizes through his burgeoning friendships with Luke and Leia how important it is to be involved, engaged and good.

But the last “Star Wars” reference really got to me the most. While Mike chose Obi-Wan Kenobi as his role model I chose Darth Vader. Fuck! How appropriate. Mike, an honorable, decent and great family man chose the man in the film who becomes Luke’s mentor, friend and ally against evil while I choose, especially when we include the newer (albeit shittier) films, the character who lets his greed, ambition, selfishness and emotions get the best of him – literally becoming disfigured and imprisoned in a suit of pain as a result.

As we continued to talk I kept thinking about this. I felt raw from the fact that my father, who was only my dad three times in my entire life, taught me to run like a coward. He taught me to not stand up and face up to responsibility. He taught me to not take care of myself. He taught me it was O.K. to not be present and eventually leave. And all of this stayed with me more than I could have possibly ever imagined.

Over the years I recognized right from wrong. More to the point I felt the difference, kind of like in the movies when you are just waiting for the bully to get his or hers from the good guy, the David to their Goliath. But what was ingrained in me was this base and core of it being O.K. to do what he did because he was my father and my mother loved him. I even admit how much I wanted to turn and run and fly someplace far away when the shit hit the fan recently. I fought my every instinct to do that for three reasons:

• I knew I couldn’t and shouldn’t run away from my problems
• I had to make them right somehow with the people I wronged
• I wanted to be my mother’s son and a good man again

A very wise honorable person once said to me something I will never forget: “You can’t change the past and the choices you’ve made, but you can always be remembered for how you deal with those choices moving forward.” That is the truth. In facing up to the things I’ve done in my life I not only realize how far I sank to inevitably reach rock bottom but that it is up to me to make things right and set things straight.

One day when I was a boy my mom and I were in the A&P grocery store and I pocketed a giant balloon without paying. When my mom found out she made me go back to the store and not just put it back on the shelf but tell someone what I did and apologize. As I walked back into the store I felt for sure I would spend the rest of my life behind bars but when I told the store worker they smiled, took the balloon and said thank you for being honest. Over the years I lost sight of that lesson, a lesson taught to me by the woman who had to raise a man after her man left her at the first chance he got. In that moment she taught me honor, and I should have kept that with me instead of pissing it and precious time away with lies and dishonorable things.

But I am here now and I am present, and I am going through a mental process of unpacking and purging – kind of like you’d do if moving. What am I purging? I am purging the behaviors I’ve displayed and it’s about time, too. No longer can I live my life acting and acting out the way I did all the while never forgetting what I’ve doneand letting that be my inspiration to never do it again. And what am I unpacking? I am unpacking the memories of that balloon and the other good and decent things my mom and others have taught me over the years. That is what will fill my brain so that maybe, one day, I can truly replace the bad I’ve done with acts (like helping others to lose weight and my continuing my own weight loss) that I will be proud to say are overflowing with honesty and, most of all, honor.

Day two.

It seems silly to jump back into writing my usual upbeat, movie-themed weight loss blog, particularly in light of the events of the past few days. Who am I, a flawed and damaged human being, to tell ANYONE how to do anything? That’s a question I have asked myself repeatedly, believe it or not, since I began writing this thing. But the answer to that lies in the simple fact I did lose weight and did it by changing my lifestyle and eating habits.

When I started this whole process I was over 400 pounds. I was a massive man. I know that I must have fodder for many a McDonald’s drive-thru worker when they saw this elephant driving up to them, handing over some cash and taking a bag full of food stuff that were going to add more fat and cholesterol and salt and sugars to my body. And for what?! Just so I could have a convenient and hot “breakfast” on my way to work? That’s crap. I would bet you anything fast food employees talk about the people they see and have bets to see who serves the fattest person that day or that week.And am I saying that to be harsh? No. It is the truth. The cold, hard truth, and the same truth I had to face when I began trying to lose weight.

When I saw that photo of me in the shark tunnel at the aquarium I really saw the result of what I had been doing to myself over years and years of fucked up, messed up emotions, situations and thoughts. I used food. I used it to feel better, take away pain, ease guilt, celebrate happinesses (is that even a word), join with friends…it was everywhere and I took it. Which meant that when I saw that photo I knew I had to do something about it. Me, and me alone.

Here’s another reason I feel silly, folks. Thanks to the catastrophic failures I mentioned yesterday I am finally able to be honest and say how selfish I really am as a human being. I also know, in light of that, how weird it is to say “I” and “me” as much as I have in today’s writing. The only thing I can say is that in this weight loss, the only thing I seem to have done right over these past few years, I did it. Me, and me alone shed this weight. Nobody held a gun to my head to make me eat that God-forsaken “food” I loaded up on and no one was going to be able to help me on my journey. I had to do it alone.

This brings me back to my opening paragraph. How silly I feel trying to write something upbeat when I don’t feel upbeat. But I have to be true to myself and mention a movie quote (and no, it’s not from “Star Wars”). This one is from the 1987 Brian DePalma film “The Untouchables.” In that film, DeNiro, as Al Capone, walks around all his lieutenants holding a baseball bat talking about the virtues of being part of a team. You know the scene I mean. Well, before the infamous “batter-up” he does to one of them for getting raided he talks about standing alone at the plate and how that is the time for individual achievement.

In weight loss it is you, all you, standing alone at the plate. That’s why it’s scary. The cheeseburgers, fried chicken pieces, pops, candies, McMuffin sandwiches and doughnuts are the fast balls, curve balls and sliders you have to try to navigate, out-guess and out-think so you don’t strike out and fail that time up to bat. And no one is standing up there with you. I cannot talk about that enough. It’s a scary fucking time in weight loss especially because no one is doing it for you. Oh sure, they can and might encourage, suggest and support but at the end of the day it’s only you who can make your feet move in exercise and make your hands NOT pick up one of those curve ball cheeseburgers.

Bill Murray the actor once said in a famous award acceptance speech that he didn’t know who to thank for the honor because so many people were trying to take credit that he didn’t know where to begin. Funny how successes in someone’s life are like that award, with people always trying to take credit for someone else’s hard work, blood, sweat and tears. I can assure you, however no one did this for me. I did it. Me. Bill Larson, who might be weak in other areas of his life but wasn’t in this one.

That why I always try to support you guys in your weight loss. It can be a very lonely road to travel when you do decide to, and I know from experience that it helps sometimes having people there who have gone through all this before to really offer encouragement, wisdom or a good kick in the pants. But the best thing I can offer you is that understanding of how alone you can feel. I am actually (and ironically) on another losing trend again. I am within losing that final ten pounds. This time, though, it’s because I am finally being a man and owning up to things I’ve done in my life, apologizing for them and trying to do some right, and by doing that I am not picking up food as a way to suppress it all.

That is why, despite the rest of the strike outs I’ve been having in my life, in my weight loss and my ongoing weight loss journey, I am hitting a home run. Good luck to you all today as you step up to the plate. You can do it. I know you can.

T.G.I.F.! Hey there, everyone and happy Friday! I hope you guys all make it through today to get to a fantastic weekend.

I received a phone call today from my sensei, martial arts and self-defense instructor Doug Shaffer, letting me know my class is being moved to tomorrow. Now, the average person would be like “woohoo, an extra day to rest!” But not me. Moving my class to tomorrow will truly be a challenge for me for two reasons – one, he is incorporating me into an actual mixed martial arts class with others. So there will be the challenge to just keep up and stuff. Two, because it will test my ability to carry his teachings into the gym with me today and give myself a workout. Yes. It will be a test of my own will – er, I mean Bill – power.

So far in my class I have done many things, everything from the tricep dips I love so much to “walking the line” (going up and down the length of the mat doing kicks and boxing – a real workout indeed). We’ve shadowboxed, used the bag and done floor exercises. And at the end of every hour I am sweating, and sweating a lot.

So that is what I am challenging myself with today, being able to do all of those things (well most of them since we do not have a heavy bag in the gym in which I work out) without – repeat WITHOUT – someone standing there saying “O.K., do this” or “now do that.” I will challenge myself to make it an hour. I have to or else there is no point to me doing this. I mean what if, one day, my classes ended. What then? I wouldn’t just stop. I wouldn’t want to stop.  I am trying hard to get my butt (and other parts) into shape and all of this is learning and putting that learning into practice.

Kind of like a Jedi Knight I keep mentioning by the name of Skywalker (Luke, that is. Not whiny boy Anakin). Luke did two things that I always keep thinking about. One, in between “The Empire Strikes Back” and “Return of the Jedi” he kept up with his training. After he left Yoda in “Empire” he continued so he could defeat Jabba, get Han back and prepare for his destiny – to be a Jedi Knight. Two, Luke also put that training to use, both mentally and physically, when it came to facing Darth Vader after Yoda died.

Sorry about that. This geek moment is brought to you by the letters “J” and “K,” and by the number 6.

I guess all of that “Star Wars” talk is just my geeky way of saying I am going to not only build on my teachings so far but also honor my own words from yesterday to make the most of the time I had allotted anyway. Life is short, my friends, and just because our workout buddies or instructors aren’t there doesn’t mean we should slack off. It’s up to us to give ourselves that workout because we are worth it, it makes us better, stronger and makes us live much longer.

So here is to sweat today, my friends, because we all should put forth our very best even, and especially, on Fridays. What better way to earn the weekend ahead.

Well, this is it. No, it’s neither the biopic released last year showing and detailing (at least in part) the planned series of fifty concerts by Michael Jackson to be held at The O2 arena in London, nor is it the 80s song by Kenny Loggins. It is, in fact, the day before the auditions for Oprah’s “win your OWN show” contest here in the good ol’ Garden State.

I am not really nervous at all about standing in front of a series of strangers telling them about my ideas for my own OWN show. I am, however, nervous and anxious about the actual process which begins for yours truly at around midnight tonight. That’s when I will be getting up and prepping to drive to the Kohl’s Store in Linden to try to secure my place in line since only the first 500 or so people are guaranteed to be seen by the casting directors for the show.

How does all this relate to weight loss you ask? Simple. Today and tomorrow are taking me out of my normal weight loss and maintenance routines just at the  time I have re-engaged my better exercise and eating routines to shed this last two or so pounds before June 9, the anniversary of my mom’s death. Also, not knowing exactly how this process will work I am not sure about food choices tomorrow.  I think I will be OK, though. I am going to pack drinks, healthy snacks and a sandwich in a cooler to bring with me (this way I am not tempted by the Dark Side of the food Force).

Since I have to be up at the crack of, well, er…since I have to get up in the dead of night (insert cheesy, spooky muah ah ah ah-kind of laugh here) I will not be writing a blog post for tomorrow, Saturday, morning. But you can bet your healthy fruit, egg and coffee breakfast on Sunday I will be telling you all about Bill’s Excellent Adventure including what I ate.

Speaking of which, I did really well yesterday, or at least I thought I did. I had a chicken salad sandwich from Chick-Fil-A yesterday. I usually go for their less than 300-calorie Chargrilled Chicken Sandwich (which only has approximately 3.5 grams of fat) but I wanted something different and, since it was hot outside, the coolness of chicken salad peaked my interest.

Sheesh! What a mistake I made! O.K. I know I’m not new and that chicken salad has mayo in it but I didn’t expect a healthy “looking” sandwich to have 500 CALORIES and 20 GRAMS OF FAT!!! Again, as Stewie Griffin from “Family Guy” would say, “What The Deuce?!” Here I thought I’d be having a light sandwich made with the chicken I think is actually seasoned with crack it’s so good and I ended up eating a sandwich that is worse (WORSE) than their own new (AND FRIED) Spicy Chicken Sandwich!

Let’s compare more apples to apples.

In addition to the 500 calories (180 of which are calories from fat) and 20 grams of fat (3.5 of which saturated), my chicken salad sandwich contained 4 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar (!), 52 grams of carbs, 80 grams of cholesterol and 29 grams of protein.

Compare that to their new (and again FRIED) Spicy Chicken Sandwich which has 490 calories (180 of which are calories from fat – same as the chicken salad) and 20 grams of fat (4.0 of which saturated, only 0.5 more), contains 4 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar (4 grams less)), 46 grams of carbs (6 grams less), 60 grams of cholesterol (a whole 20 grams less) and 31 grams of protein (2 grams more than the chicken salad).

The only significant way I found my “healthier” chicken salad to win was in the sodium department. The chicken salad has 1240 mg of sodium while the new Spicy Chicken Sandwich has 1730 mg.

Now that I think about it, maybe I am new. Damn! What a difference. Here I thought I healthy-looking sandwich on toasted wheat bread would be better for me than a fried chicken sandwich. HA, I tell you! HA! And even though I only bought the sandwich can you imagine if I had their (delicious) Waffle Fries with that? Without a drink that’s close to 1,000 calories!

(Also, did I mention the chicken sald laid a little heavy in my tummy afterward?)

Damn! Maybe I am new after all. See what extra ingredients, processing and mayo do to ya? Well, consider me “edumacated” (and yes, I did purposely misspell that) and know I will be going back to my grilled chicken sandwich if and when I do eat there again.

In the meantime I will continue getting ready for what will hopefully be a “first step into a larger world,” as Obi-Wan Kenobi says in “Star Wars.” And while I am doing that and prepping for the Oprah thing I will be packin’ a 310-calorie cold Italian Hoagie from Wawa. Not only is it a helluva lot healthier (no mayo, build your own with fresh veggies, etc.) but I know it’s 310 calories before I even order it! Wawa has this cool “Meal Builder” way to calculate calories in your food before you get there! It’s awesome! I love Wawa!

Have a great start to your weekend, my friends and check back in on Sunday morning for all the juicy details of how one man (O.K. probably thousands) is trying to live his dream waiting in a long-ass line dragging his cooler along for the ride. If anything it also makes a great stool on which to sit.

OK, my weight loss blog today is a little tangential. So please forgive me. I eventually do get to the point. I just need a little exposition to set up the story…

You guys know me well enough to know how much I love movies. You’re saying to yourself “gee. I never would have figured that out, Larson. You only show tons of posters and quote movies at least once a week.” Yeah, I know. But today there’s a quote I’m gonna use and it’s one I don’t wanna use.

“There’s something wrong.”

Even though it has many variations this phrase has been used countless times in movies to signal a shift in the momentum from bad to good, to herald something action-oriented coming, etc. Here are some examples that come to mind:

“There’s something wrong! They’re coming back down!” – said by the Huey Lewis-looking bad guy from the original “Die Hard” to baddie Hans Grueber played by the always awesome Alan Rickman.

“There’s something not right here. I feel cold…death.” – said by Luke Skywalker to Yoda in “The Empire Strikes Back” (yes, of course I had to throw in a Star Wars quote as there is one for everything).

“Sir, we have a serious problem. This freeway isn’t finished.” – SWAT guy to Joe Morton’s SWAT leader, Lt. McMahon, in “Speed.”

No matter who uses this phrase or its derivations something’s afoot and something’s out of place. Like the teeth in my mouth

Ugh. I think I told you guys a few days ago that I had my mouth worked on a bit by the dentist. Like a ten-year-old I had to get fillings (two of them, actually) in the bottom rear of my mouth on Wednesday. While it was quite fun having the lower right quadrant of my face numb for several hours my mouth and teeth felt like there’s “something wrong/not right/we have a serious problem.” I knew they beat my mouth up pretty good just getting the damn things in but sheesh! I knew I shouldn’t have felt any pain after a day or so.

Again, that was Wednesday/Thursday.

What does all this mean for yours truly? How does this tie in to weight loss and maintenance? Well…if I can’t see the dentist until Monday or so it looks like I am eating quite lightly this weekend. Not that I hadn’t planned on it anyway but I’m talking the kind of stuff that doesn’t require chewing. Soup, uh soup and possibly more soup. You know how it gets when your mouth hurts, you don’t wanna eat anything. Well, I am in that boat today.

Has this ever happened to you guys? This good news/bad news kind of thing? Good news is I KNOW I won’t eat as much this weekend. Bad news is my teeth and gums hurt causing me to not have much of an appetite. Grrrrr. I know we all look for the perfect appetite suppressant at one point or another on a weight loss journey but this is slightly ridiculous – no matter how weirdly positive it may affect my waistline.

So I may make that 233-pound weight goal after all by Monday, just not the way I planned. And why?

Because “There’s something wrong…” – Bill to the best readers, fans and friends in the world in the greatest movie of all time (no! Not “Avatar”)…real life.