Determined To Succeed

Day one-hundred-seventy.

Well, I can’t believe I am saying this but I truly survived a weekend. And not just a weekend, a weekend led by an evening event that had yummy (but horrible for you) appetizers – buffalo wings, fried egg roll thingies, etc. It’s strange but not only did I not gain any weight, I actually lost since the last time I wrote you guys. I am now officially at 245.8. That’s right, back within the last twenty or so pounds I need to lose to get back to my weight loss goal.  That is a huge relief, especially given my well-documented worry about the weekends and how I always seem to fall off the wagon somehow and gain a couple back over just a couple of days (folks, it really is that easy for me). So I now face this week on such a positive note. I face going to the gym today on the same positive note. That is awesome! I even have lunch picked out already – leftovers of a chicken breast which will be perfect after my workout. Score!

Now on to more pressing matters…

Did any of you happen to watch the Oscar nominations this morning? I know I did. The Academy Awards are like my holiday – my Super Bowl, World Series and my Wimbledon all rolled up with a great red carpet. I watched the nominations this morning and there were no huge surprises. OK, I was surprised TRUE GRIT received so many nominations. It was a fine film (and way better than I could make. Also, the girl in the film stole the picture and deserves her nomination) but it’s a remake and, in some scenes, word-for-word and shot-for-shot. Not terribly original. THE TOWN didn’t get nominated for Best Picture as expected (TRUE GRIT did) but TOY STORY 3 did and that makes me happy. It is truly the best film of 2010 and the only film to make me have open emotion in a theater. It was a beautiful story beautifully done and if you haven’t seen it you should.

Why do I bring up the Oscars today? Around this time of year I think about the Academy Awards and how the stars will look. OK. I don’t really, but I do often wonder how much they actually eat in real life. Last night I watched GREEN HORNET and Seth Rogan looks very svelte and very different from his KNOCKED UP/ZACK AND MIRI self. Is that a good thing? Sure, in Hollywoodland it is. I am sure he got that role because of how he lost weight to look more like a super hero (never mind that the actor who played Kato, Jay Chou, stole the movie).

I also noticed Mo’nique this morning. She looked appropriately radiant (especially at 5:30 AM Hollywood time) announcing the nominees. Again, she is another example of how an actor has lost weight and forged a new image for themselves. Is that bad? Certainly not, but I do wonder why it is that the culture of Hollywood is to lose weight and be rail thin (but not too emaciated since that is also bad) when most of the movie-going audience are real people with real weight and real weight issues. Did I like Seth Rogan more now that he’s shrunk? Nah. He’s still the same guy. And I’m sure Mo’Nique and Jennifer Hudson (both Oscar winners themselves) are still the same people even though both won the much sought-after statuette carrying a few extra pounds.

I do not know if I would ever survive Hollywood. I love eating. I really do. Yes, I know I need to lose this last twenty pounds but I can’t imagine being at the whim of an executive, agent or studio head that says I would need to lose another fifty on that if I want to be considered for a role in TRUER GRIT or KING’S SPEECH 2: THE REVENGE. That’s horseshit. people come in all shapes and sizes. Sure, these stars are the ones we adore and idolize but they come in all shapes and sizes, too. It shouldn’t just be the pretty ones that dominate our screens (TV, movie, computer or smartphone).

You bet your ass I will absolutely be glued to my TV the night of the Academy Awards, and I might even have a slice of pizza in my hand while watching Christian Bale accept his award for THE FIGHTER, but we are all fighters in this weight loss game so don’t lose sight of that. We may not look like Natalie Portman, Jesse Eisenberg, Javier Bardem, Nicole Kidman or James Franco but all of us on this weight loss journey are beautiful in our own ways and have the same amount of drive. We just use it to keep losing and maintaining weight. And that, my friends, is what it means to have TRUE GRIT.

Day one-hundred-fifty-six.

Happy new week, my friends, and welcome to the second full week of 2011. As all of you know I live in southern New Jersey and, if you’ve kept up with the weather maps and forcasts recently, you know we here are expecting another 4″ – 8″ of snow. I know I am fond of saying this alot and throwing my Chicago-ness around, but you should see and feel the anxiety of others who live here, their “the sky is falling” mentality taking over over what will amount to less than a foot of snow.

When I was a kid, they only closed the Chicago Public Schools once (that I can remember). It was for the Blizzard of 1979 during which 16.5 inches of snow fell on January 13, 1979 alone, setting a new record for snow in one calendar day. By the end of January 14, 18.8 inches of snow had fallen. That blizzard was so powerful that it resulted in the election of Jane Byrne, the first and only woman so far to be elected mayor of Chicago. In a special election, she defeated Michael Bilandic, who took over after the death of Mayor Richard J.Daley, because of the city’s badly-planned-and-executed response to the snow.

Yes, Chicago received more than 10-inches of snow more than the most this area is expected to receive over the next 24 hours. Sigh. When I was in the store yesterday buying healthy stuff to eat like salad fixins, healthy lunchmeat and veggies I surveyed the crowds all gearing up for the threat of more snow. I even overheard that a local dentist’s office was calling patients to tell them they had already decided to close on Wednesday (our snow is expected to start tonight) in anticipation. Sigh again.

It’s all “milk and eggs” in this part of the country but I guess that’s just me. But what the hell does this have to do with my weight or weight loss? For starters, I am back up a pound-and-a-half which pisses me off to no end. Next, no matter what the snow fall is I am getting my rotundness to the gym to workout today, tomorrow and every day after no matter the amount of snow.  But I have to silently hide my origins and mask my shame as I ask the attendants at the gym if they will even be open tomorrow due to the (sigh) expected snowfall.

It’s O.K., though. Weighing in at 248.9 today I am more than happy to don my snow shoes (well, sneakers – or gym shoes as we call ‘em back home) and barrel through whatever snow falls to be able to get on the elliptical to burn off this extra poundage. One of the 40/40 I listed was to absolutely get back to my goal weight and I’m gonna do it, despite my over-zealous eating habits over the weekends.

In other words, I don’t go running to the store to buy my milk, eggs and bread afraid of what might be coming, I just deal with what is happening and what actually comes as best I can. That’s all any of us can do in this world – and in this world of weight loss.

Oh, and thanks to a good friend of mine I have a correction I’d like to make to last week’s blog.

Last week, as I told you guys about seeing bald eagles in the wild, I mistakenly called a grouping of multiple bald eagles a “flock.” This, apprently, is not the case. I actually saw a convocation of eagles. If they had been hawks I would have seen a cast of hawks. Or if those hawks were spiraling in flight they would have been a boil (funny thing to call a grouping – makes me think of soup, especially on cold winter days).  Also, owls are a parliament, crocodiles are a bask  and did you know that if you’ve got a group of frogs, it’s an ARMY!!

Awesome! See, every now and then you can learn something by reading my weight loss blog, even if it doesn’t necessarily pertain to weight loss.

Or maybe it’s just my way to mentally prepare going to the gym today?

Either way, have a great day, my peeps. Talk to you soon (hopefully lighter than I am today).

PS: A big birthday shout out goes out to my mom, JoAnn, who on January 9th, would have turned 72. Happy birthday, Mama. I love and miss you very much.

Day one-hundred-ten.

O.K. So? How did you do on Thanksgiving? Did you go off half-cocked and eat your fill? Or did you go off fully-cocked and clean your plates twice (and finish off others’ too)? I actually did O.K., but just O.K. I had one big plate of food, but just one. I had no dessert (I couldn’t have fit it inside me anyway – after all, my body is not Doctor Who’s TARDIS) but hours later I did have a small plate of fresh leftovers. In the end, like I said, I think I did O.K., and later today I will be working out. Or should I say working off (smile)? No matter the case, I enjoyed Turkey Day 2010, but now it’s time for serious work.

I said in my post on Wednesday that sometimes the holidays are about weight maintenance, and that is the truth. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve prayed to the food gods to NOT gain weight. But that’s not how things work. The only way things work is when I make them work, plain and simple. That goes for all aspects of my life. All our lives, really, including food.

My biggest problem has always been portion control. It’s a thing that goes back for me to when I was a kid. My mom, who always did her absolute very best and worked so hard, did put food on our table, but there were times we both had less than what we wanted. There were times we went a bit hungry. That’s how I came to hoarde food, a trait I carried with me into adulthood. Sigh. Old habits die hard, I guess. Really, really hard.

So, as I surveyed the bounty on the table yesterday I gave thanks to God for the good things in my life, gave thanks for being able to become a better person, gave thanks and prayers for and to my mom, JoAnn (who I imagined had just as bountiful a Thanksgiving in Heaven as I did here) and gave thanks for the food in front of me. Then, I took a breath and decided I was only going to have one plate of food.

After all, no one was going to take my food away from me.

Now it’s the day after and I am thinking about returning to normalcy, returning to my routine of working out and eating smaller portions. Thanksgiving is an amazing day but today is another day, a Friday (and hell no – I didn’t go out at 2:00 a.m. to shop for Black Friday specials), a day leading into the weekend and you guys know how I sometimes fear the weekends. Sigh again, but it’s all O.K. It’s O.K. because, one, I know that Thanksgiving is a day to be enjoyed, food and all. Two, because weight loss and maintenance is all about getting into (or back into) routines and that is what I will be doing. What, I think, we will all be doing.

So, have a wonderful weekend, my friends in weight loss. I am also thankful to all of you, as well. We are all in this together and I am human. I love my turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and everything. But today is another day and this is another weekend, and by the time you next read me I will have worked out three times…and hopefully eaten less, too.

Day one-hundred-eight.

I hate feeling sick, and not just the kind of sick where you act like a baby but the kind of sick that genuinely knocks you out, zaps all your strength, makes your brain almost overheat and you spend all day (and most of the night) in one room of the hosue (and that ain’t the living room). I had a day like that yesterday and I swear to you I felt like complete and utter crap.

Needless to say my eating was thrown off severly. I think what caused it in the first place was what I ate. You see, lately I’ve been really good at shopping and eating at home and I got these frozen ribs. The old Bill would have eaten a whole slab of ribs, cole slaw, french fries and two pieces of white breat which also had a generous portion of bar-b-que sauce smeared on them. This new and improved Bill merely ate six ribs and a helping of green beans. No potato, no bread, just the meat and veggie. Wow. All I have to say is it started that night (Monday) and took me all through yesterday. What a shitty way to lead into Thanksgiving, though. A day completely devoted to food and enjoying food, football and more food and I now have to be careful and make sure I don’t overdue it especially since I am trying to finish feeling better.

I do feel much better today thanks to actually getting some food into me last night and taking it easy this morning (my apologies for being so late with today’s blog). I just didn’t want to push it by getting up early and not getting enough rest.

But me being sick isn’t what you want to hear. I know, it’s all about Thanksgiving and enjoying a day with family, friends and loved ones…oh, and a little bit of turkey and all the trimings thrown in. So, for both me and you, here are some wonderful and healthy eating tips to remember for tomorrow so you don’t end up feeling like a turkey on Thanksgiving:

Get Active

Create a calorie deficit by exercising to burn off extra calories before you ever indulge in your favorite foods. As much as we don’t want to hear it, eating less and exercising more is the winning formula to prevent weight gain during the holidays so increase your steps or lengthen your fitness routine the weeks ahead and especially the day of the feast.

Eat Breakfast

While you might think it makes sense to save up calories for the big meal, eating a small meal in the morning can give you more control over your appetite. Start your day with a small but satisfying breakfast — such as an egg with a slice of whole-wheat toast, or a bowl of whole-grain cereal with low-fat milk — so you won’t be starving when you arrive at the gathering.

Lighten Up

Whether you are hosting Thanksgiving dinner or bringing a few dishes to share, make your recipes healthier with less fat, sugar, and calories.

Police Your Portions

Thanksgiving tables are bountiful and beautiful displays of traditional family favorites. Before you fill your plate, survey the buffet table and decide what you’re going to choose. Then select reasonable-sized portions of foods you cannot live without. Also, don’t waste calories on foods that you can have all year long. Fill your plate with small portions of holiday favorites that only come around once a year so you can enjoy desirable, traditional foods. Also…

• Try to resist the temptation to go back for second helpings.
• Leftovers are much better the next day, and if you limit yourself to one plate, you are less likely to overeat and have more room for a delectable dessert.

Keep to Best Bets

While each of us has our own favorites, keep in mind that some holiday foods are better choices than others. White turkey meat, plain vegetables, roasted sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, defatted gravy, and pumpkin pie tend to be the best bets because they are lower in fat and calories. But if you keep your portions small, you can enjoy whatever you like.Slowly Savor

Eating slowly, putting your fork down between bites, and tasting each mouthful is one of the easiest ways to enjoy your meal and feel satisfied with one plate full of food. Choosing whole grains, fruits, vegetables, broth-based soups, salads, and other foods with lots of water and fiber add to the feeling of fullness.

Go Easy on Alcohol

Don’t forget those alcohol calories that can add up quickly. Have a glass of wine or a wine spritzer and between alcoholic drinks, (or) enjoy sparkling water. This way you stay hydrated, limit alcohol calories, and stay sober.

Be Realistic

The holiday season is a time for celebration. With busy schedules and so many extra temptations, this is a good time to strive for weight maintenance instead of weight loss. Shift from a mindset of weight loss to weight maintenance. You will be ahead of the game if you can avoid gaining any weight over the holidays.

Focus on Family and Friends

Thanksgiving is not just about the delicious bounty of food. It’s a time to celebrate relationships with family and friends. The main event should be family and friends socializing, spending quality time together, not just what is on the buffet.

And ain’t that the truth, my friends. So, to each and every one of you, have a happy, joyous and delicious Thanksgiving. I will check back in with you on Friday to see how you did (and let you know how I did). Hopefully I can maintain. And to all of us who are missing a loved one this Thanksgiving (I love you, Mama, so much and miss you) take time to be thankful for the ability to be happy and healthy. That is the best way to remember those not with us in body but always with us in spirit.

Enjoy, and have a slice of pumpkin pie for me, too.

Day ninety-four.

Finally, a weight breakthrough! I checked the scale today and I am going down in my weight again. As of this morning I am 239.4. Woo-freaking-hoo! I am so excited I could…I could…workout! What an awesome way to start the day.

Although, my awesome day started with a, how shall I put it, strangely energized twelve-step meeting last night. I was so jazzed to get to the group and share last night but not everyone in the group shared my enthusiasm. In fact, one of the guys, “Bob,” shared that he didn’t want to be there. Plain and simple, and that was his entire share. I laughed and applauded his honesty after the meeting, however I was jazzed and this is why…

…Last week I went to see my therapist and, in our session, we got to talking about being caught in patterns of addiction and how thay can not only take over your life but also destabilize you as a person. I went into my past patterns and habits and how I am working every single day to change them and he said something to me I will never forget. he said, “Bill. I wake up every single day and say to myself that I’m not going to let anything take away my peace.” Those words floored me because there are two things at work. One, I now know what peace is and am living it day after day. Two, and most importantly, that I am the one with the control to continue living that peace. That, or the power to allow something to destroy that peace.

It doesn’t matter whether or not you are addicted to food, all addictions run the same. You can lie, cheat and shame your way into a situation that puts you on an endless treadmill of self-destructive patterns and believe me, that ain’t the good kind of treadmill that helps you lose weight. No, it’s the kind of wheel that just keeps turning, like a mouse does in its cage. You just keep spinning your wheels going nowhere fast.

Peace is such a fragile gift in this world and finally having a grasp of addiction and all its “evility” (yep, that’s right, I made up a word and I love it and will use it often to describe many things – and people) helps me maintain my peace, for it is I and I alone who is responsible for it. For example, I am the one who ultimately decides what I eat or not, how much I ingest and how much I go tyo the gym to workout to keep the weight off. It is just that simple. That is what so many of us don’t seem to grasp. It’s not up to, say, infomercials to sell us the latest weight loss suppliments, 5-Hour Energy drinks, equipment and videos that will somehow magically transform us. We must transform ourselves. We are the ones with that power and we control whether or not we have it or not.

Today, I finally am seeing results of me cooking and eating at home and it feels great. It really does.I am finally getting a hold of my life and turning it towards the positive. And each and every day I am doing my best to ensure that I maintain my peace and I do not allow it to slip from my grasp ever again. That goes for all aspects of my life, weight loss included. I do not want to buy anymore clothes unless thay are smaller…or for my upcoming 19th anniversary of my 21st birthday.

Have a great day, everyone.

Day ninety-three.

I can’t begin to tell you all the times Bill Ivory Larson wakes up on a given morning NOT feeling like doing something that particular day. Going to the store. Cleaning the house. Making a phone call to a creditor or business. Putting my nice warm and toasty feet on the cold, hard floor. It doesn’t matter. From time to time all of us face that point where we have to do something that we don’t want to do but have to do anyway.

Take for example working out, which for me has been more mental than anything lately. It’s not that I hate going to the gym. In fact, I love going and love sweating my ass off when I’m there. Sometimes, though, it’s purely because I HAVE TO GO that makes me not WANT to go. Know what I mean? It’s that I wish I didn’t HAVE to do it all the time. I wish I was one of those people who could (seemingly) eat whatever they want and not gain an ounce AND look like they just stepped out of a fashion magazine ad. But noooooooooo! I HAVE to go workout if I am going to merely keep my weight down. Bah! Bah, I say! The same goes for eating more nutritious foods, eating right and exercising portion control.

I know I should have a better mental attitude sometimes about weight loss. I absolutely do but I am human. But the thing that makes me know this is a story my sensei, Doug Shaffer, told me last week.

Doug told me the story of a kid he knew (you know a story will never end well when the words “kid” and “knew” crop up. Very foreboding, indeed) who was onloy twenty-one years old and died from an asthma attack. Poor guy. Went to a party, got plastered, went back to his place and zonked out. Somehow, he started having an attack and couldn’t get to his medicine (or was passed out while it was happening) and he died. he was found the next day by his girlfriend.

Just twenty-one, and with so much life ahead of him.

The reason I tell you that story today (and tell myself that story) is that we cannot sit on our butts and wait to feel like we WANT to do something. If there is something we have to do we should just go do it, for the love of God, and get it out of the way. I know I have never in my life been good at doing that because I was afraid of hurting someone’s feelings (that they wouldn’t like me anymore), or that there would be repercussions (like at my former job where you would just not want to open your mouth out of dread and a constant fear of being fired for daring to speak out). If we wait, if I wait, to do do something for when I WANT to do it I might be waiting a long time. Worse, I will be wasting time in the process, and I have wasted too much time on addictions to waste anymore of it on silly things that are only in my head.

Next month, I am going to celebrate being 40 years old and in the coming weeks I will tell you how I plan to celebrate my birthday all year long. But in the meantime I’m just going to think about how I lived almost 19 years longer than a kid who died simply because he couldn’t take a breath. I know exactly how that feels. I, too, had asthma so bad I couldn’t breathe at times. Hell, it even made me pass out once. I’ve lived 19 years longer and that means I SHOULD do something with that and because of that. That is purpose. That is drive. That is will.

I will because I must make the most of each and every day. No. Matter. What.

My friends, if there is something you don’t want to do today but know that you have to keep two things in mind. One, that you are not alone. There are so many others facing similar feelings about their own situations. Two, once you get it over with you will feel so much better and can move on to the things you WANT to do (and yes, that does include eating what you should and exercising to keep weight in check). That is what I will do today. Do the things I need to do to make the time to do what I want to do.

In honor of that kid who didn’t make it to see 22.

In honor of my mom, JoAnn Larson, so I do not disappoint her.

Most of all, for myself so I can be the man I’ve always wanted to be and now strive for every day. One of which my mom can be proud and I can say did the hard things even if he didn’t want to so that he, and those closest to him, could be happy in the long run.

Day eighty-nine.

Well, my friends. As you well know, in weight loss we always seem to have good news and bad news. As we start this new weekend I, myself,  have good news and bad news. The bad news (which I always like to start with first) is that I am feeling a bit run down today. I am bloody tired and sleepy. The good news is that I am tired and sleepy because I dragged my sorry ass to the gym last night and got good and sweaty before coming home to have some wonderfully reheated leftovers. Meaning, I ate well and light again and today have more martial arts training to do with Sensei Doug. So, despite my waning energy levels today is a great, great day.

After my breakfast of cinnamon raisin toast and snack featuring a delicious pear I had a lunch that wasn’t horrible but wasn’t great, either, so there was good news/bad news with that, too. On the bad news side, I had about 10 or so fishsticks and they were frozen, deep-fried and I ate them with a smattering of cocktail sauce. The good news was that I didn’t have bread with them (I figured the breading was enough), that they were fish and I had just one diet soda (a refreshing Diet 7-Up) to go with them. For dinner, again after my workout, I had my remaining cinnamon/chipotle porkchop and apple salsa, some garlic mashed potatoes and peas with mushrooms. Very tasty stuff, indeed.

Of course, there’s more bad news, though…I had a few remnants of Halloween candy as a “treat,” eating several damned delicious Snickers bite-sized candies. Grrrrrr. I also had two too many Diet 7-Ups. Oh well, that was last night.

Today, I started the day by having a piece of rye toast, an egg, one slice of cheese and one turkey sausage pattie. It was awesome. Also, just to “keep it real” I did have yet another Diet 7-Up to wash it down (bad Bill, bad Bill). But, on the good side, I do have another session with Sensei Doug today and my weight is down. It may be by a few ounces but I will definitely take it. Today I am at 239.9 and loving every bit (and ounce) of it.

As the weekend hits (again!) I keep reminding myself not to freak out, that I can control what I eat and do and not automatically re-gain weight. That is the good side. Also on the good side is my ability to drag my sorry ass to the gym and sweat some more so I can keep my metabolism up and my body burning that stupid fat. The bad side is that I do have an event to go to tomorrow night which, I’m sure, will be filled with yummy (and very portable) food stuffs. I just have to take a deep breath and remember not to lose my resolve…

…and keep my inner eye on the prize, that Calvin Klein suit.

I know I keep bringing that up a lot lately but I need to for my sake. You know how it is…you have a goal and you want to remain true to that goal. I am trying to do just that because it will not only be a victory for my health and continued well-being but also a great birthday present to me for turning 40. Until then, I will just take the bad with the good and the good with the bad and, at the end of the day, pray the bad is outweighed by the good.

Have a great weekend everyone and I will write you on Monday. Cheers!

Day eighty-seven.

Finally!!!!! I am coming back down in my weight, thank God! I am down another six ounces and am at 240.5 today. Just a mere 15 pounds above my ultimate goal weight which I am bound and determined to achieve before I reach 40 years of age. I am so happy to see this number on my scale today. I have been very good with my eating lately, too. Yesterday, after my toast for breakfast, I had a Lean Cuisine-like frozen lunch (it was Litelife frozen Indian Veggie Masala – and dammed tasty, too) and leftover cajun chicken, rice and broccoli for dinner. Not only did I have those leftovers (which I have been totally into lately) but my portions have been very controlled, too. ONE chicken breast, ONE helping of rice and ONE helping of broccoli. And the best part was that I had water, H20, nature’s soft drink instead of soda (even diet Coke Zero). Yes, yesterday was a great day and it showed.

Today is going to be good also, mainly because I get to workout with Sensei Doug and his martial arts training. I wish I had the space here to do what we do in his studio. But one thing is for certain. I soooooo need to stretch a bit before working out. Having not worked out like that for a few days plus this chilly weather makes my joints, especially my hips, so tight and immobile. Oh well. I know I am not an old man yet by any stretch of the inmagination but damn, I wish someone would hurry up and invent some agre-regression thingie that makes our bodies as strongf as they were twenty years ago. That would be cool.

I bring all this up today because I think it would be way cool to wear that way cool Calvin Klein suit I bought last year for my 40th birthday this year. We all spend so much time wanting to fit into this and that. Well, during this 40th year of my life, I’m gonna do something about it. I have a goal to wear that suit somewhere for something. It is the most beautiful suit I own and right now, with these extra 15 or so pounds on my bod, I can’t even imagine putting it on yet. But with those pounds gone I should be able to fit into it. I guess that would make it my birthday suit.

I wasnt to wear my birthday suit for my birthday! I love plays on words.

Moreover, I think it’s a realistic weight loss goal. If I maintain exercising and eating better, the way I have been, it should be good. Also, I promise to take a photo of myself in that suit, too. But I will only wear it if it fits like it should. I will not wear it if the pants are too tight or the jacket doesn’t button. A suit must wear properly to look good and that is what I want.

So that’s it. That’s all I got today. Tune in tomorrow when I recount my activities on the martial arts mat from today as well as what I ate. Speaking of which, this morning I made two small pieces of cinnamon raisin french toast and two patties of turkey sausage for breakfast (yum).  Lunch I know will be lighter and I think pork chops are for din din. Or should I say pork chop (singular). Remember, I have a birthday suit I need to fit into and look good in.

Day eighty-six.

Alrighty then. Let’s start today with a recap of yesterday…

…I was up to 241.3. I was grumpy about it. I wanted to workout. I was gonna eat better and lighter. I was gonna do a food journal again.

Of all of that here is what I did do…

…I ended up not working out because I spent way too much time setting up a new computer at home (stupid internet…I almost broke it again) but I did eat much better yesterday. I started with two slices of cinnamon toast with butter. Then for lunch I had one grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup (awesome for a chilly fall day AND the heaviest meal). For dinner I had one (just one) cajun chicken breast, couscous and broccoli. For snacks I had a banana and some homemade trail mix (walnuts, craisins, pumpkin seeds and raisins). I kept myself to one soda (a diet root beer) and just one large glass of orange juice. Not too shabby, actually given how I have been eating lately and today I’ve already had my toast with a small glass of o.j.

Today, I am down ever so slightly. I am at 241.1 (hell, it’s better being two ounces down than up) and I am looking forward to eating much lighter again today. I wish I could say I am going to eat like a bird but birds actually eat (or try to eat) a helluva lot in the course of a day compared to their body weight. So I will just say I will try to eat extremely lightly today and not eat like the little winged ones swooping in and out of view looking for yummy morsels of grub on this chilly Fall day.

It’s hard, though. With the change in season and change in temperature to eat lighter. I don’t know about you but when the temperatures drop I think of hearty soups and stews and heavier meals that stick to your ribs, not salads and things. I do, however, have to do my best to remember that Fall and Winter, especially are dangerous times for me when it comes to eating. Not because it triggers anything emotional, but because it activates that basic human need to store-up for the winter and to eat then hibernate like your average bear (or just curl up on the couch and become a potato).

Yeah, it’s hard but it has to be done. Ground is always gained and lost in the battle of the bulge and in weight loss but it can be won even during the colder months. We (and I) just have to stick to it and be much better about everything all around – eating and exercising. I need to do that every single day, not just today. And speaking of today it’s election day across the country and no matter whether you’re Republican or Democrat, liberal or conservative I encourage you to get out and vote.  This way you not only do your civic duty but it gets you up and out (if you have elections in your area) and gets you moving.

Last night “Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace” was on TV and even though the film is awful (yes, me, a huge Star Wars fan saying a Star Wars film is awful) there are bits that are cool, like when Palpatine says wityh utmost certainty “I will be chancelor.” Well, with the same conviction I say I will re-lose this weight. As sure as Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader, and eventually returned to the good side of the Force again, I will lose weight.

So until tomorrow, my friends. Stay strong and be well. We will make it. You’ll see.

Day eighty-five.

I do not know about many of you out there but I love Halloween. It’s cool to see kids dress up in way cooler costumes than I had growing up (although there was nothing wrong with my plastic Spider-Man, Batman or Darth Vader out-of-the-box costumes my mom bought). As an adult there are two things I love best about the holiday – the horror movies and the candy. Every movie from “Halloween” (still my favorite of all time) to “Wrong Turn” is fun to watch, especially this time of year. Scary movies are just awesome. They take you on such a wild ride for a couple of hours and its thrilling. Then, you get to buy candy. Lots of bags of candy to hand out to kids (although I have a motto – no costume, no candy). Yeah, Halloween candy, those sweet little innocent, bite-sized morsels (the ones we’re convinced have no calories because they’re so small) are like horror movies. They take you on a wonderful and delicious wild ride…that is until you come back down and reality hits you like a punch in the face.

Dudes, I got on the scale today and freaked out. I am up two-and-a-half pounds! I am at 241.3! Suck!!!!! I absolutely know it has to do with two things – eating waaaaaaaaay too much spaghetti and sauce yesterday for dinner and that damned Halloween candy, stupid little delicious bite-sized morsels of evil.

As I sit and watch the birds outside my window I am thankful for two things – stretchy elastic-waist pants and second chances. After dinner last night I put on a pair of sweatpants and it felt good. But that was simultaneously bad, especially since I tried on a pair of pants yesterday that should have fit but didn’t. Ugh! Whoever invented elastic waist pants ought to be rewarded and shot all at the same time. Curse them (she/he)! However, after a good hearty dinner I was comfy all curled up watching the afore-mentioned “Halloween” (the original 1978 version starring Jamie Lee Curtis and not the Rob Zombie remake – excuse me, re-imagining). It also was cool having a few of the leftover candy treats – as horrible as they are for you – because I am human and I will still eat what I want. I just didn’t think it would be that bad.

Again, curse them!

So I am am also happy for second chances again today. Since I have been healthier and happier these days I have been eating more. However, today is November 1 and I am gonna head to the gym today to sweat off these damned two-and-a-half pounds to get myself back on track. I also am gonna start keeping a food diary of my own to log what I eat until I get back to 225.  I am gonna make the most of the second chances on this bright new day.

Is today the end of the world? No. I know I will work off this weight (again!) and will do better. I just have to stop being as stupid as the people featured in those horror movies I love so very much. Their ability to stop running when they think the killer is dead, to drop the knife/gun/baseball bat/whatever when they think it’s safe, their ability to say “I’ll be right back. I’ll be O.K.” before going into a dark, closed-in space all by themselves where you know the killer is lurking, and more are all reasons there are sequels to horror movies. In other words, being stupid brings about a bad result, and I should keep that in mind especially around this time of year.

Halloween may be over for 2010, but unlike the freaking “Saw” movies I do not want to be in this place with my weight again next year, creating a weight loss sequel for myself that is scarier than this original.

PS: I had two pieces of lightly-buttered raisin toast for breakfast and will have a chicken dish tonight. Hopefully that plus my exercise will keep that stupid boogeyman away.