Determined To Succeed

Hey there.

Even though the weather people are calling for possible showers later on this afternoon or this evening it is bright and sunny this morning, and I am sitting at my computer doing my best to be just as sunny.

You may be wondering why I was so bummed out in my weekend blog post. Well, I’ll tell you why. I was not selected as one of the online finalists in Oprah’s “Win Your OWN Show” contest. There were a total of 9,504 videos posted to her website and more than 143 million votes tallied. I thought I did a decent job at showing off my “skeelz” as a host and stuff in my video but, alas, I guess eight others impressed voters more and on Friday eight people were announced as finalists and yours truly wasn’t among them.

When I received that e-blast that said “Meet Your OWN Show Online Winners” my heart skipped a beat. I was like “Um, O.K. Is this how they are reaching out to us all?” So I nervously clicked on the link in the e-blast and BAM, there they were. Eight lucky people. Eight OTHER people. I felt like the kid not chosen to be on either team in a game of baseball, and while I was trying to always remain cautiously optimistic I am by nature an optimist so I kept hoping I would see my face among the winners. I would get an e-mail. I would get a call.

I can’t speak for anyone else but when my adrenaline/excitement builds it stores up like ammo stored up for a fight. And when I received the news I was such a range of emotions – sad, disappointed, afraid, curious, mad, dumbfounded – that all I could think about was unloading that stockpile of energy ammo on the one thing I knew would make me feel better – food. In my blog on Saturday I wished I knew the “why” of emotional eating. I think I finally figured out how to answer that question. You don’t have a way to channel the energies that build up inside you from those emotions so you turn to something you’re familiar with, food, to burn it all off.

Speaking of burning it all off I kicked the shit out of the punching bag on Saturday at my rescheduled martial arts class. Since starting my class I figured out which side is my weaker side for kicking and hitting, then used the other, stronger side to beat, punch and otherwise torture the heavy bag working off much of that stored up energy and disappointment from Friday’s news.

After my class I started to feel better and I started looking at things in a slightly different way. If I hadn’t entered that contest I never would have put together an audition reel, and it is that reel I am going to send to different people and agents and stuff to see who else might be interested. Just because this one door closed doesn’t mean there aren’t a hundred more wide open waiting for me to step through. I know that in my head, but it’s the heart you usually have to convince about these things hence the bag of Oreo Cookies, Coca-Colas and other things we will not mention this morning.

There is so much else going on in the world and I know I sound trite and petty and selfish (and definitely whiny) about all of this, but I wanted it. I wanted it and felt I was ready for it. I had experience, energy and enough chutzpah to do it. I am 39 and thought I was the perfect age for it all. I thought the stars aligned for it. I felt it was the ultimate “why” I was “vocationally liberated” from my old job at the zoo. But it was not in the cards and my skies turned a bit cloudy over the weekend from it all. My demons came for me, the demons of self-questioning, self-doubt and, of course, overeating.

But with time comes perspective. With time comes wisdom. With time comes the ability to finally make the mind outweigh the heart and KNOW (and hope) that other things are on the horizon, even if that horizon is now just a little further away than expected. And with things like the tragedy on the Delaware River that unfolded last week here in the Philly area I am just thankful to be alive, healthy and able to keep striving for my dreams as there are two people whose own life journey ended with a stupid tourist boat ride. Seeing their faces on the news (and how absolutely innocent and young they both looked) does help put things into a larger perspective.

But the selfish part of me still feels the personal sting of finding out I was not chosen for something for which I felt I was a perfect fit. Just like a shirt, pair of pants or sweater on the sale rack in a store. When you see the thing you want but it has a stain, a pull, tear or rip or is simply not the right size you move on. Reluctantly, but you move on hoping and praying something cooler, better and bigger comes along that kicks that thing’s ass.

Well, this is me hoping for that. As the grayer clouds begin to roll in, this is me yelling to the universe I do hope something cooler, better and bigger comes along…

…and this is me getting it all out so I can leave it all behind tomorrow. Leave behind the urge to throw a big pity party catered with all my fave comfort foods. Leave behind the disappointment and start the week off right and see it for what it is. A new start at a new part of the horizon, even though that horizon is, like a said, just a bit further now than I wanted it to be Friday.

But would I do it again to jump at that kind of chance – to live out a dream and be a part of something connected to the biggest media person in the whole world? You bet your ass I would.

In a heartbeat.

Well, here it is. Sunday (thank God). The Oprah “Win Your OWN Show” live audition is over and I am slowly recovering from a very physically draining (sitting, standing and walking all day in the hot sun tends to do that to you) and mentally draining day. I wish I could sum up how wonderful, cool, scary, amazing, screwed up and taxing it all was but I will give you the highlights (laced with some cool weight loss-related things, too).

I arrived on-site at the Kohl’s in Linden at roughly 2:00 a.m. and there was already a line of people (some there since 9:00 a.m. Friday morning). Even though they didn’t let us park in the Kohl’s lot all of us parked in the adjacent TGIFridays parking lot and formed a very nice and orderly line (which wouldn’t mean anything in the end, but I’ll get to that later). People were jazzed, even that early, and you could feel the electricity starting to build, while off in the distance the glow of the nearby White Castle called to me like a beacon to a ship…

The early morning dragged on, and the parking lot was feeling like a concert ticket atmosphere – a cross between Deadhead and Parrothead shows. The “line” grew and was respected and we all became more and more nervous. The woman next to me dared to run to the White castle and brought back french fries. They smelled so good…

But I had to keep one thing in mind – I WAS NOT – I REPEAT NOT – GOING TO USE A NASTY ASS BATHROOM, whether it be at the White Castle, the gas station on the corner or the port-a-potties trucked in for our benefit. Ick. Just ick. So I was determined not to eat or drink too much, at least until the Kohl’s (and their decent bathroom – yes, I checked) opened at 7:00 a.m. So I snacked on the granola bars I brought. At about 4:30 a.m. or 5:00 a.m. I broke down and had the first of five Gatorades.

The problem was that Oprah’s people on-site had no clue how to handle the wristband situation and when the time came they had close to a thousand people clamoring for spaces in line and later, wristbands. And the ways we lined up were so bloody disorganized it didn’t matter whether you were there at 9 a.m. on Friday or just rolled up, you had just as much chance to get one of the first bracelets as those who had been waiting. It was the worst situation I have ever seen, and potentially dangerous, too.  I so made me want to run and hide in that beacon of delicious White Castle comfort food delight…At several points, including our makeshift early “line,” they had us in great position to begin handing out wristbands to avoid that mess. But noooooooo. At least I had my cooler of water/Gatorade, granola bars and my dream.

At least they said everyone was guaranteed to be seen.

The day wore on and my number, #837, wasn’t going to be seen until the afternoon – like 3 or 4 in the afternoon so I hung out and hung around. People watching was priceless. Like the “rhinestone cow”girl,” a 50-something woman who (no kidding) wore sequined disco boots, sequined western-style vest/jacket, cowboy hat who had a portable karaoke machine singing, of course, “Rhinestone Cowboy.” Or the two hoochie-mamas in their sequined “Daisy Dukes” (so high you could see the bottoms of their asses), low (LOW) cut tank tops and 5-inch (no kidding) heels. Or the older 60-something lady dressed head-to-toe in bright pink with a hat that would make anyone at the Kentucky Derby jealous (bless her heart), or the…oh I could go on. It was awesome entertainment, which kept my mind off one thing – nervously eating.

Overall I did extremely well. I did grab a much-needed sausage, egg and cheese sandwich and coffee from Starbucks at around the time my body told me it was way-past lunch time (in actuality 9:30 a.m. or so). I also just grazed all day on granola/breakfast bars with the saving grace being my Gatorade. The sun, when it came out from the clouds, made it at least 15 degrees hotter and more intense. I sweated like a pig and smelled just as bad by the end of the day. But I did burn off an extra pound so, believe it or not, my friends, I am at my goal of losing that two pounds before June 9th.

What? What did you ask? How did my audition go? It went great. Turns out the casting director I met with in-person was the same as the one who took a gander at my video so he was impressed I showed up to do both. He totally appreciated me coming out (as they all had to know what a cluster-mess it was in the beginning) and said “look for a phone call soon.” So I am so keeping my fingers, toes, eyes, arms, feet and hands crossed for that call. Lucky number 837.

And what? What else did you ask? Did I avoid the White Castle? I sure did. It would have been far too easy to give in and grab a 10-pack to go, with fries and a drink (what I frequently used to eat as I used to have one 5 minutes from where I lived) but I didn’t. Did it tempt me? Hell yes, it did, especially since I have fond memories of me and my mom going to get White Castles on some weekends when we felt like hopping the bus to 79th Street in Chicago.

I am exhausted, wiped out and sort of brain dead, but I feel juiced and great. It was an awesome experience, like waiting in line for concert tickets. It is in lines like that that the best of humanity comes out. Totally. Through that immediately-shared experience people talked to one-another and it was awesome. That alone was worth the hour-and-a-half drive, the damn-near 20-hour day (when it was all said and done), the waiting in the heat and sun, the incredibly interesting and entertaining sideshow of characters…

…and the foregoing of White Castles, no matter how good they taste any time of day.

Well, this is it. No, it’s neither the biopic released last year showing and detailing (at least in part) the planned series of fifty concerts by Michael Jackson to be held at The O2 arena in London, nor is it the 80s song by Kenny Loggins. It is, in fact, the day before the auditions for Oprah’s “win your OWN show” contest here in the good ol’ Garden State.

I am not really nervous at all about standing in front of a series of strangers telling them about my ideas for my own OWN show. I am, however, nervous and anxious about the actual process which begins for yours truly at around midnight tonight. That’s when I will be getting up and prepping to drive to the Kohl’s Store in Linden to try to secure my place in line since only the first 500 or so people are guaranteed to be seen by the casting directors for the show.

How does all this relate to weight loss you ask? Simple. Today and tomorrow are taking me out of my normal weight loss and maintenance routines just at the  time I have re-engaged my better exercise and eating routines to shed this last two or so pounds before June 9, the anniversary of my mom’s death. Also, not knowing exactly how this process will work I am not sure about food choices tomorrow.  I think I will be OK, though. I am going to pack drinks, healthy snacks and a sandwich in a cooler to bring with me (this way I am not tempted by the Dark Side of the food Force).

Since I have to be up at the crack of, well, er…since I have to get up in the dead of night (insert cheesy, spooky muah ah ah ah-kind of laugh here) I will not be writing a blog post for tomorrow, Saturday, morning. But you can bet your healthy fruit, egg and coffee breakfast on Sunday I will be telling you all about Bill’s Excellent Adventure including what I ate.

Speaking of which, I did really well yesterday, or at least I thought I did. I had a chicken salad sandwich from Chick-Fil-A yesterday. I usually go for their less than 300-calorie Chargrilled Chicken Sandwich (which only has approximately 3.5 grams of fat) but I wanted something different and, since it was hot outside, the coolness of chicken salad peaked my interest.

Sheesh! What a mistake I made! O.K. I know I’m not new and that chicken salad has mayo in it but I didn’t expect a healthy “looking” sandwich to have 500 CALORIES and 20 GRAMS OF FAT!!! Again, as Stewie Griffin from “Family Guy” would say, “What The Deuce?!” Here I thought I’d be having a light sandwich made with the chicken I think is actually seasoned with crack it’s so good and I ended up eating a sandwich that is worse (WORSE) than their own new (AND FRIED) Spicy Chicken Sandwich!

Let’s compare more apples to apples.

In addition to the 500 calories (180 of which are calories from fat) and 20 grams of fat (3.5 of which saturated), my chicken salad sandwich contained 4 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar (!), 52 grams of carbs, 80 grams of cholesterol and 29 grams of protein.

Compare that to their new (and again FRIED) Spicy Chicken Sandwich which has 490 calories (180 of which are calories from fat – same as the chicken salad) and 20 grams of fat (4.0 of which saturated, only 0.5 more), contains 4 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar (4 grams less)), 46 grams of carbs (6 grams less), 60 grams of cholesterol (a whole 20 grams less) and 31 grams of protein (2 grams more than the chicken salad).

The only significant way I found my “healthier” chicken salad to win was in the sodium department. The chicken salad has 1240 mg of sodium while the new Spicy Chicken Sandwich has 1730 mg.

Now that I think about it, maybe I am new. Damn! What a difference. Here I thought I healthy-looking sandwich on toasted wheat bread would be better for me than a fried chicken sandwich. HA, I tell you! HA! And even though I only bought the sandwich can you imagine if I had their (delicious) Waffle Fries with that? Without a drink that’s close to 1,000 calories!

(Also, did I mention the chicken sald laid a little heavy in my tummy afterward?)

Damn! Maybe I am new after all. See what extra ingredients, processing and mayo do to ya? Well, consider me “edumacated” (and yes, I did purposely misspell that) and know I will be going back to my grilled chicken sandwich if and when I do eat there again.

In the meantime I will continue getting ready for what will hopefully be a “first step into a larger world,” as Obi-Wan Kenobi says in “Star Wars.” And while I am doing that and prepping for the Oprah thing I will be packin’ a 310-calorie cold Italian Hoagie from Wawa. Not only is it a helluva lot healthier (no mayo, build your own with fresh veggies, etc.) but I know it’s 310 calories before I even order it! Wawa has this cool “Meal Builder” way to calculate calories in your food before you get there! It’s awesome! I love Wawa!

Have a great start to your weekend, my friends and check back in on Sunday morning for all the juicy details of how one man (O.K. probably thousands) is trying to live his dream waiting in a long-ass line dragging his cooler along for the ride. If anything it also makes a great stool on which to sit.

Ugh. This Stanley Cup series is wearing me out. Have you guys been watching? It is an awesome series being played by two very good teams (go Hawks!), but the back and forth drama is enough to make me nervously eat for a month. Don’t worry I didn’t, even though I so wanted to drown my sorrows last night (the Blackhawks lost in OT by a score of 4-3) in the nearest pint of strawberry ice-cream. So today my “days without incident” now stand at three.  I actually ended up having steamed chicken and broccoli and brown rice from my fave Chinese food restaurant and – wait for it – a glass of ice water! Two points for me! Er, wait. Is that how you score points in hockey, with a field goal or home run or something? And when does the penalty kick come in?

Well, anyway, staying up late last night to watch the game made me tired as hell this morning. That, in turn, made me far less motivated to get up and join the world today. I know I have stuff to do but I am so waiting for the day we can mentally project what we want to do and have it be done (oh, well. Not in this lifetime anyway). So I lay in bed on mornings like this making my mental list of how cool it is to get out of bed. I know it sounds cheesy but you guys know I am Captain Cheese, Mr. Velveeta…if life were a Philly cheesesteak I’d be the “extra wiz” poured on top.

Chief on my list to accomplish today is more exercise. Yep, getting my ass up, throwing on sweats and gym shoes is top of my list to accomplish today. I am this/close to losing the first of the two pounds I re-gained recently by stress eating and I want those off me like a bad, cheap or ill-fitting suit. I don’t know about you guys but when you get to a certain point you just “know” when your body has gained even a pound or two. Well, I feel as though I’ve gained a whole freaking turkey recently and I want that sluggish, bloated ill-fitting suit feeling gone and done.

Next, I have errands to run in preparation for Friday/Saturday. I think it just hit me today as I lay in bed not moving how screwed up my body is going to feel tomorrow, Friday, because I have to sleep in the afternoon then get up at midnight to drive to this Oprah “win your OWN show” audition Saturday then sort of camp out in my car until the times comes to wait in line for a few more hours. Sigh. Thank God they make extra-large cups of coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts.

Finally, I have to plan out what I’m gonna eat during Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals. I have always said eating should be very much like scuba diving – you plan your dive and you dive your plan.  A weight loss journey and eating healthy don’t go on hold just because it is time to play for the Cup, but eating while watching the game doesn’t have to be unhealthy. Some great food options (done in moderation not in mass quantities) to help everyone watching the game (or any game) keep their eating on track are:

Salsa

Salsa is made up of fruits and vegetables and contains no fat. Traditionally made with tomatoes, onions, cilantro, and spices, salsa provides antioxidants and vitamins prevalent in those specific fruits and vegetables. Salsa variations can include beans and corn for additional fiber and nutrients. Salsa also is low in cholesterol. You can eat salsa with unsalted, baked, whole wheat chips for added nutritional and health value. Pita chips also are a healthy alternative. And remember, HERE is a kick-ass Slightly Spicy Black Bean Salsa recipe perfect for rooting for the Hawks (er, I mean your favorite team).

Roasted chicken or turkey sandwiches

Served on whole wheat buns or bread thins, either are a great option to add some protein to any game watching you might do. Chicken is a lean meat, and if served moist enough, requires very little in terms of fatty condiments. Skip the cheese and mayonnaise, perhaps add some mustard, and relax in front of the game knowing that the lean meat will provide necessary proteins without the fat of red or deep-fried meats.

Chili

Not big on sandwiches? Try some low-fat chili. Made with ground turkey, black beans, tomatoes, peppers, and onions, the warm goodness will provide a meal in itself with protein, fiber, fruits, and vegetables. Protein helps build muscle, while fiber stabilizes blood sugar by slowing the rate that sugar enters the bloodstream. And again, fruits and vegetables provide invaluable vitamins and nutrients. Skip the Fritos, cheese and sour cream to keep fat-content low.

See, my day is now all on track. I am wide awake and raring to get started – at least I will be after some extra light, extra crunchy coffee which I am off to go get…

…now.

P.S. – Yes, I just read what I wrote and I do not know if I can stay up to watch the game tomorrow! Like Stewie Griffin from “Family Guy” would say (in a British accent) “Blast! What the deuce? How dare they hold the game and not accommodate my schedule!” I will have to find at least one way before tomorrow to have the game mentally projected into my brain as I lay there sleeping. Hmmmmmm…

Did you guys see the Edward Norton movie version of “The Incredible Hulk?” In it we see how long Norton’s Dr. Bruce Banner has gone without turning into The Hulk by displaying on-screen an electronic tally sheet that lists “days without incident.” Of course you wouldn’t have much of a movie if Banner’s “days without incident” kept going. It would be like watching paint dry or watching a pot of water and waiting for it to boil.

Boring.

Well, I sort of feel like that crossed with the commercial where the cell phone coverage area pops up above someone’s head. It is Day Two of my re-engaging my routine to lose weight and shed these two additional pounds before June 9.  Day Two – That’s what my electronic “days without incident” meter is displaying. I did well yesterday. I exercised and ate really well. I had a chicken breast for lunch with water (yep, no Coca-Cola) and I had a protein-filled steak for dinner with green beans. Totally tasty.

Now before you start saying to me “Bill, you really should lay off red meat,” I know that. I do, and I have been eating more chicken these days. But I am a Chicago boy, born and raised, and I like me my steak. I have also been eating more veggies, too. Green beans, tomatoes, asparagus and salads.  And now that I am trying to re-engage I am realizing how badly I had been stress eating lately.

My newly re-found routine also helps me with this coming weekend, too, and vice-versa. I found out yesterday by taking my long-ass drive to Linden, New Jersey (for the Oprah “win your OWN show” audition) that they will not be allowing camping out overnight and that the line starts at 6:00 a.m. Saturday. Yeah, right. I know I need to get there a few hours before that but at least I will not be homeless for a day or two wondering if/how I will get to continue eating healthily while waiting in line. I get to keep my routine going.

It also answers the question of how I will be able to exercise. I was thinking I would borrow one of my gym’s padded mats and actually do sit-ups, crunches and push-ups in front of the other peeps like me in line. At least I would have been illustrating my show idea in a way.

Today is June 2. This day last year was the last full day my mom, JoAnn, spent in the hospital before being transferred to hospice care. I try not to let sad thoughts enter my brain and I try to concentrate instead on a few other things – the beauty of the blue sky, birds singing and the goal I have set for myself, not to stress eat anymore and lose this two pounds by June 9.

The last thing I want to do is turn into my own food version of “The Incredible Hulk” and yell out “food good” instead of “Hulk smash.” It really is easy to just walk into a store and order up anything. The people behind the counter don’t know you from Adam and don’t know you are trying your best to stay on a weight loss journey. They just do their job and punch in the amount for whatever badness you’re going to consume and call it a day.

That’s why I have to remember my own “days without incident” / phone coverage map above my own head. Others may not be able to see it but I sure know it’s there and I do want its number to increase more and more so I know I’ve learned how to control the raging beast that dwells within me (and yes, that was a nod to the old Hulk TV show of the 70s).

Have a great day.

Today feels like a such Monday to me. I don’t know how that happens it just does. It could be the weather, a three-day weekend or the way we wake up in the morning. Some days just feel like other days of the week. Maybe it’s a glitch in The Matrix.

Perhaps it feels like a Monday because it also happens to be a first, June 1, and the beginning of the work week for most people (hence the feeling of it being Monday). Getting in your car, getting much-needed coffee before waiting in absolutely horrible traffic just to turn around at the end of the day to wait in even more traffic with even less coffee. For me, though, it symbolizes something else. It is June 1 and I am still twelve pounds above re-reaching my weight goal of 225 pounds.

Over the past few weeks my stress eating has been ramping up because in eight more days it will be the one-year anniversary of my mom, JoAnn’s, passing. What does that mean? I’ll tell you what it means. It means I am going to lose at least this two pounds I re-gained so I can get back to my “Battle of the Final Ten” before that anniversary.

I had so wanted to have this weight be done and gone by now. Ya know? A year is a long time, especially when it took me three-and-a-half years to lose 175 pounds in the first place. But because of the everyday things that happen in life, including many stupid food decisions, I still have twelve pounds to re-lose.  I know my pants still fit (thank God) and I know I am not that far from my goal but still…it gets under my skin.

So after writing this weight loss blog today I’m going to continue with my exercise (or as I put it rediscovering my inner sweaty, smelly and grunty child) to make sure these two pounds are gone by June 9. That’s my goal, a do-able and smart one, too. It’s also going to help me get my mind right as it gets closer and closer to the auditions for the “win your OWN show” contest for Oprah and her new network, OWN.

I am also going to think about my basic rules for losing weight:

TELL EVERYONE! (which I do every single day with you, my friends).

WHEN YOU CAN, PURGE YOUR “FAT CLOTHES.” With summer here I need to do that with the wardrobe I just pulled out of storage. This way I can give myself a nice little mental boost as I get back on track to re-losing this weight.

BE FORGIVING OF YOURSELF. In this newer more-Zen way of thinking I am trying my best not to do this.  Today is DAY ONE, at least that’s the way I am thinking about it. Beating yourself (or myself) up is negative energy you (we) don’t need. And o.k., so along my journey I re-gained twent after my mom’s death and I still need to re-lose twelve to get back to my ultimate goal of 225. THAT STILL MEANS I STILL LOST EIGHT OF THE TWENTY AND THAT’S GOOD!!!

USE WHAT YOU HAVE AVAILABLE TO YOU. With summer here it’s a great time to get out and walk, ride a bike, jog, walk the dog, something to get you outside and moving. And remember you (and I) can do sit-ups, push-ups and stairs in our own homes.

KNOW THIS WILL TAKE TIME: Weight loss and maintenance will be a part of my life for the rest of my life and I know this last ten or twelve will come off with time. I can be impatient sometimes but I will be more patient with me because…

YOU ARE WORTH IT SO MAKE THE TIME. …and I will, starting (or re-starting) right now.

Whew! See, I do take my own advice. I, too, need my pep-talks every now and then to keep me going, too. I am, after all, only human. And like everyone on a weight loss journey I especially need to keep these things in my mind during crazy weeks where you wake up on Tuesday but it feels like Monday (and you have to take the red pill – Matrix devotees know what that means). Have a great (and short) week, everyone.

P.S.: I will continue to keep you all posted on when I have to take a break from the blog to be all homeless and stuff waiting to audition for Oprah.

Happy Monday, everyone! Today is the Memorial Day holiday and I am sitting here at my computer thinking about the week I have coming up this week. It’s going to be weird, fun, trying, adrenaline-filled and cool. And I just need to keep my cool when it comes to food.

Here’s the deal. This coming Saturday is the first live audition for people to possibly win their own show for Oprah and her new OWN network. You guys already know I have submitted a video entry to the “Win Your OWN Show” contest and, according to the rules, anyone can do both the live audition and the recorded one. So I am throwing caution to the wind and doing both, myself.

Here’s the rub. The live auditions are Saturday and they are only seeing the first 500 people of so. What that means for yours truly is I am thinking I will have to get there pretty darn early on Saturday morning to get in line. There is also the distinct possibility that I will have to get in line a day or two early to secure my place in the first 500 as I am sure this will bring out thousands and thousands of people.

And with this in mind a long and strange week begins.

Here’s the deal. Since I don’t know what day the line will start forming I am not quite sure when I will heading up to make myself voluntarily homeless for this once-in-a-lifetime shot.  Yes, yours truly will be doing any and everything he can to make sure he is one of the first 500 in line so he is definitely seen and not heard.

Here’s the rub. I know fer sure (like totally) I will not be blogging on Saturday morning. And if I do have to be in line a day or two early I will not be blogging for those couple of days either because I just don’t think it wise to bring a laptop to the place where I potentially will be sleeping outside with strangers, and I sleep soundly. How soundly do you ask? Well, I’ve slept through one of Chicago’s two extremely rare earthquakes, thunder and lightning storms, you name it, and I don’t want my “Little Blue” (the nickname I gave my netbook) to somehow walk away.

And here’s the promise. You can bet your bottom dollar I will fill you in on ever aspect of everything I go through when Sunday rolls around.

As far as food goes I am at 237 even today which means Bill is a grumpy but re-committed lad. I told you guys yesterday I have been stress eating but after a day of some reflection, some tears and a bit of work I am better.  Being better means I already have this weekend in mind for what I will be eating, so I also have to scope out food sources at the shopping complex or nearby and make sure there is a Wawa (my convenience store of choice) so I can get healthier sandwiches, coffee and water (yep, good ol’ H2O and not Coca-Cola).

Also, I will be working out every day until I have to head on up and camp out. It will be a combination of cardio and weights so that my body knows I mean business because I should be just as committed to that (if not more so) than standing in a line with thousands of my best friends.

They say there is honor among thieves. I certainly hope that’s true especially when it comes to having to get out of line to go to the bathroom. OK, I know that’s T.M.I. but at least it made you laugh. At least I hope it did.

Have a wonderful day my friends, and remember our service people around the world today. It may be the third day of a three-day weekend for you. For them, and for those who made the ultimate sacrifice for which we honor them with this day, it’s about honor, duty and freedom…

…even having the freedom to be weird and camp out to eventually make an ass of oneself to a bunch of producers this coming Saturday. Only in the USA.

Stress. It is everywhere. It is constant. Sometimes like the air we breathe. Sometimes like the sun that rises every morning. All our lives have it in one form or another (and I’d love to have your life if you don’t) and you wake up with it like a cup of coffee in the morning (oooh, that sounds good).

I’ve been feeling lots of stress lately. You can probably tell by how I’ve been writing (and eating) I have lots going on. My video entry in the Oprah “Win Your OWN Show” contest, the upcoming live audition for that, Book Expo America (which I am planning on attending this week in New York), switching cable companies, folding laundry, trying to figure out where/how money’s coming, cleaning up, and way more stuff I can’t even think about at the moment (even my coffee maker freaked out on me, btw, and leaked water and grounds everywhere) has me anxious to do one thing – eat.

Thank God I am only keeping healthier snacks in the house these days. Some prunes (yes, prunes. And no, I am not 90-years-old. I just happen to like prunes), raisins, crackers and some granola are way better to have than candy bars, egg rolls and soda (yes, believe it or not I steered clear of Coke this weekend (well, pretty much. I had only one as a treat) and didn’t stress drink. Man! Is that even a phrase?

I have also been trying to be Zen and not so hard on myself, too (a little voice in my head tells me I have been lately a bit too much). I am trying on both fronts and it does seem to be working at least a little. But in the meantime stuff isn’t getting done, like that laundry and other life stuff.

This is one of those times I am thankful I have undergone my weight loss journey. I can now recognize when I am anxious, exasperated, worried, afraid, nervous, excited – all the emotions that would make my pop a box of Dunkin’ Donuts Munchkins in a heartbeat, or want to order some beef fried rice and egg rolls, or drink three or four Cokes to drown my worries. I may be stressed but I still have control over me and as long as I have that I am going to control what goes into my body so I can control my weight and the choices I make regarding food.

Today, I am down a half-pound from when I went to the conference which is good, and still within my “Battle of the Final Ten.” I may have been fighting this battle for a while now but it’s a battle fought on many fronts – in the gym and in life. We fight it every day. And it’s hard to resist the temptations (”My Girl. My Girl. Talking ’bout my girl…” sorry, just wanted to be goofy and break out into song) of food. It is, especially when food is everywhere. Kind of like in the movies when the hero has to make the treacherous walk/drive down a seedy street and there are pimps, hookers, drug dealers and gang-bangers lining both sides just lying in wait for the hero to step just a little off the path.

Sigh. So today I will be good. It’s all I can do. I will start this Monday with my cup of frustrating coffee (I just cleaned up the mess) and will start my day knowing it’s only Monday and that it’s OK.  I may have grounds to clean up, and laundry to fold, and a floor to vacuum, and bills to pay, and errands to run…

…but I am alive and breathing and doing OK with my weight. That is a gift and one I cherish every day. As long as I have those things I have the strength for anything.