Determined To Succeed

Day one-hundred-sixty-three.

Bah! It is a dreary-ass day here in southern New Jersey. It’s chilly, freezing-rainy and just a crap day to do anything outside.

(psssssst…don’t tell my mind I am down in my weight. I am trying to distract him…)

Ugh! It is miserable outside and all it makes me want to do is curl up on the couch, turn on TV and be all warm and toasty watching something stupid.

(shhhhhh! Fact is, I am back down to 247.4 today and I am sick of going back up in my weight. Sooooooo, I am trying to convince my mind not to obsess about it so we can continue down this path. It seems that every time my mind thinks too hard we tend to go off-track and gain weight back.)

So what am I going to do today? Well…I do have some housework I need to do, have some errands and things I need to catch up on and some writing I need to do. You know the usual for me.

(All that stuff and I am going to drag me out into the cold, blah weather to workout because it does seem to be working.)

So I am going to do my best not to let this rainy and cold winter day go by without being productive.

(Yeah! Me, too. It’s already 18 days into 2011 and I am sick and tired of still carrying around this twenty extra pounds. More than that I am tired of my mind boo-hooing about it. “Oh, woe is me!” Well, screw that! There’s no way on this earth, even with eating better, that we can lose weight without working out. Sure, we have to get dressed and ready to hit the gym but the rewards are amazing. I am now up to doing 50-plus minutes on the elliptical plus tricep dips, push-ups, stretches and tummy crunches. What does that all mean? It means I am at least keeping my weight at bay. Now if I can only convince my mind to lay off on portion sizes we’d all be OK).

Well, I wish I had more to write today but I don’t. I fear I’m going to be boring today and that’s OK. Boring can be good, I guess.

(Yes, it can, especially when boring means getting me, myself and I back into a good exercise routine).

So have as good a day as you guys can today and I will check back in soon…

(And so will I…)

…to see how things are going.

(I second that!)

And from the both of us, if you made a new year’s resolution to lose weight and keep it off (it is on our – sorry, my – 40/40 list) then we absolutely will. But time’s a tickin’ and 2011 is now in full swing…

(…and I am keeping my fingers crossed I can give you more good news next time I check in with you guys. We are all in this together. Me included. It’s hard as crap to lose weight, especially when warm comfort foods like mashed potatoes, heavy soups, chilis, pot pies and generally unhealthy, heavy things sound really freaking good. But we will. We will, I promise. We just have to keep our heads out of it sometimes and not think about doing it. Just do it).

Day one-hundred-six.

OK. Let’s face it. I suck at watching myself as much as I should over the weekend. I just do. Although I go into the weekend with as much vim and vigor as I can muster, I simply don’t keep it up and I fall into that deadliest of traps…saying “I’ll do it tomorrow.” Although in my case that is the truth. Today, after I write this and get some things done around the house I am getting my fat ass up and heading to the gym. That will be good, especially since this week is the eat of eats, Thanksgiving.

I did end up exercising on Friday and again on Saturday, which is good. However, after a spectacular workout Saturday morning I was done, over, finished, fin, and I shouldn’t have been. I ate like a pig both days and I am mad at myself for doing so. The (semi) good news is that I only gained a pound-and-a-half. Woo-freaking-hoo! That has me thrilled beyond belief! But still that is no excuse for eating the way I did.

What did I do right? Well, my workouts kicked arse. I did my boxing, I did my half hour on the elliptical, I did weights, I did push-ups, tummy crunches and more. It was awesome. But it was cold as shit outside after when walking back to my car and sweat plus the cold equals the chills for hours after. But I felt great. I do wish, though, we could alter ourselves so as not _ NOT – get a taste for sweets during the day, and particularly during our watching of some movies or TV. Curse the tongue and its forever-hungry tastebuds for wanting chocolate chip cookies.

Sigh. All that being said, like I said, I did O.K. this weekend. I am going to do my best to get down to 238-point-something before Turkey Day, though. This way I can enjoy a bit of Thanksgiving. Although I will eat slowly, as promised so I can feel full after not eating so much. But that still leaves the question – why do I suck at the weekends so badly.

I think at least part of it has to deal with being in the mindset of the work week. The regular Monday through Friday part of things that drives me to be better. In other words, I lump work in with work and not working with the weekend. So. O.K. mental note, I need to stay in work(out) mode on weekends. Duely noted.

I think this week’s Determined To Succeed weight loss blogs are going to be short. Not because I’m trying to cheat anyone out of Nobel Prize-worthy material but because I need to get movin’ and remember thouse new rules and regulations I laid down for myself. I simply must lose this weight no matter how yummy things are and how weekendy things feel. That’s my job, quest, ambition and goal. And something more…

…something about which to be very thankful I can work toward any day of the year.

Day one-hundred-three.

It’s Friday and I am sitting at my desk contemplating things, and I guess when I say “contemplating” I really mean “worrying about” things. I am “contemplating” the weekend, Thanksgiving, my birthday, the holidays (Christmas) and New Year’s Eve – all of which have one thing in common, food. I know I am the master of my own destiny when it comes to food and crap but ’tis the season to be jolly and ’tis the season to eat. Eat. EAT!

I already have worries enough about weekends, those times where I know I will either eat more than I should, not workout as much as I should or both. I don’t know why I worry so much, either. I mean I will be working out, at least tomorrow (Saturday) and might have a go on Sunday, too, but in my mind it’s social time, I guess. Not to mention our weather is starting to get colder and our animalistic instincts take over so we eat to store up fat for the winter. Grrrrr. I will just have to stay good and keep repeating that to myself as I take deep breaths and head to the gym.

Then, coming this next week, is Thanksgiving, my favorite food holiday, and I know I will be weak for all the trimmings that turkey brings to the table. I will be – wait for it – gobbling it all up (insert moans for bad pun here) and I just have to take deep breaths and know two things: one, that no one is going to take that food from me and two, that I should eat my first plate slowly and wait to feel full before I possibly – POSSIBLY – go in for plate two. Again, deep DEEP breaths.

Following Thanksgiving (again, a moment of silence for what is sure to be the pound or two I gain) is my birthday, and not just any birthday – my 40th. The 19th anniversary of my 21st and I do plan to celebrate life. I just have to remember to take deep breaths before diving into any kind of food stuffs (although I am sure a drink or six might be involved somewhere along the line).

Finally, the holidays, Christmas and New Year’s Eve – more food, making merry and eating! Egads! No wonder so many of us make resolutions to lose weight in the new year. We simply just want to lose what we’ve gained over the holidays and the winter being all animalistic.

So, O.K. There it is, laid out before us like a road on a map I sure as hell don’t want to follow but have to. And it’s not that I dislike this time of year. I like it very, very much. I just am slowly – SLOWLY – creeping back down in my weight (I am at 240.8 today) and I don’t want that headway to be lost. That’s all. But foods of this time of year are so full of warm, comforty goodness. Dammit! What’s a fat guy like me to do?

Stop.

Close my eyes.

Take a deep breath.

That’s what I have to do and hopefully that breath will fill my mind with the fresh air it needs to think clearly and fill my tummy with goodness so I don’t just stuff my face.

First thing’s first…let’s get through this weekend. Deep breath time. Have a great weekend, everyone, and good luck.

Day ninety-nine.

One of the things I remember growing up was my mom, JoAnn Larson, telling me there’d be new rules and regulations at home when she was displeased about something. It didn’t matter whether it was money, cleaning up, work, school for me, clothes…anything. If it needed fixin’ there were gonna be “new rules and regulations.” Well, at this point in my body’s life and my weight loss journey I need to state the same on two other fronts.

One, I am going to begin eating human portions again. I got to 225 eating what a normal, skinny guy would eat and it worked. I have the most success when I can put extraneous food(s) away and say “enough!” Like this mroning, I had a muffin for breakfast and ice water (see…not even coffee). I could have had another muffin but I didn’t. I am starting fresh to get my eating act together. I will also go workout today to help that along because I so feel like a hot air balloon today. Ugh. I feel so bloated. What a way to start the week. I am up a staggering three pounds in my weight (I’m at 242.8) and I am just puffy, bloated, fat and kind of grumpy about it. The good news is that I did get in a couple of really good workouts this weekend. The bad news continues to be my portion control. That is the problem. That, and snacking. Even though I have a wonderful, homemade trail mix of walnuts, Craisins and raisins, I eat way too much of it and drink waaaaaay too much Coke Zero. Sigh, and all that makes up the hot, heated air that makes my stomach inflate like…you guessed it…a balloon.

Two, after much thought, there are going to be some changes to my weight loss blog, Determined To Succeed, and its contents. Thanks to screwing up so much of my life over this past year I have wasted tons of time, time that I could have spent working on projects that are key and important to me. That means I am going to be cutting back on writing my blog to three times a week. It will still be regular (like metamucil) and I will continue to write the blog on Mondays, Wednesdays and probably Fridays (although that may change to Saturdays – we’ll see). This way I can devote more time, brain space, creativity and writing “umph” to those projects I mentioned. I must. It also means that certain sections of my website will be pared-down and/or eliminated. I just can’t keep up with them and know I won’t be able to regularly. I am so sorry about that but I want to give you the best blog and website possible. I don’t know which sections will stay or go (although MEMORIES OF MY MOTHER will remain definitely) but you will see soon. So if you see changes that is why.

I hope all of you who have followed my blog regularly will continue to follow me. If you follow me daily, thank you. If you follow me weekly and/or monthly, thank you. Thank you all. Please continue to do so. I will continue to write from the front lines of the battle of the bulge. I need to if only to keep myself current and accountable. I also hope my journey continues to help you guys too. I am just taking the time and energy I need to devote to some other things going on which you will learn about very soon (that, and the 40 or so things I plan to do for my 40th birthday).

All that being said it’s time to buckle down with our new rules and regulations. So if you are checking in today the next new blog will be Wednesday morning which by then will mean, hopefully, I have worked out like a fiend and have the chiseled body that inspired statues and countless works of art over the millenia. No? Well, at least have worked out and have eaten less so I can start that damned downward trend for the last bloody time. To win the battle of the bulge and not just fight it all the time. Have a great day everyone. Talk to you on Wednesday.

Day ninety-five (and a half).

O.K. I have to confess I am writing my Friday/Saturday/Sunday weekend weight loss blog on Thursday night instead of Friday morning. I have a meeting I need to attend way the hell out in bufu (is that how you spell it?) which starts at 9:00 a.m. So, instead of getting up before dawn starts cracking (and I was still sleeping for all intents and purposes anyway) I figured I’d give everyone my best, take advantage of my good momentum today and kick off all our weekends a bit early.

I did carry through with what I said I was gonna do. After I was all done posting my mushy, gushy mashed potato blog (mmmmm, mashed potatoes – oh, sorry) I took myself to go workout. It was awesome. I did my usual half-hour on the elliptical followed by some shadowboxing, tummy crunches, push-ups (yeah, you heard me, push-ups!), leg kicks and yoga. It was the most relaxing hour, not to mention it felt soooooo good on my achy right hip. Also, the gym was nearly empty which is awesome. I have to say working out gives me mental momentum, too. There’s something about sweating that clears the mind and helps you focus (well, at least it helps me focus).  And after the afore-mentioned meeting tomorrow (Friday) I plan to ditch my suit and throw on some sweats and hit the gym yet again.

Nothing like momentum to keep ya’ going, eh?

I also feel like such a bonehead. I completely forgot to mention it is Veterans Day today (Thursday), a day during which we honor our past and present military which is also observed as Remembrance Day in other parts of the world. Falling on November 11, Veterans Day marks the anniversary of the signing of the Armistice that ended World War I (major hostilities of World War I were formally ended at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918 with the German signing of the Armistice).

As many of you have read I am celebrating my own different and unique kind of peace. A peace that can only be achieved when demons are vanquished and the mind, body and spirit are brought back together as one, which for me took years. I said it the other day, I am saying it now and I will say it forever – I will let nothing, absolutely NOTHING, take away my peace. So going into this Veterans Day evening I wanted to mention a couple of things…

…one, how grateful I am to our past and present military for their service to this country for it is because of their service (and sacrifice) we enjoy freedom. It is absolutely our duty to keep in touch with what’s going on in the world (including the recently foiled bomb plots) to constantly remind ourselves what they fought, and are fighting, for. That we can enjoy peace in our own homes with our families is a gift. So thank you to all who serve(d).

…two, that the personal peace I am enjoying right now is something I want to enjoy forever, so I do not think mentioning momentum (something which implies movement) and peace (something that implies blissful rest) in the same sentence is wrong. One helps get to the other and I so want to continue my momentum for personal peace – peace in mind, my body in in my spirit – for the rest of my life.

 I do not know how many of you are out there checking in with me and Determined To Succeed (and thank you if you do) but I hope you get a chance to take care of yourselves this weekend, too. It’s supposed to be beautiful this weekend, with mild weather in the low- to even the mid-sixties (at least here in southern New Jersey). Unbelievable! That means I get a bonus chance to do some outdoor working out. Even if it’s  just a walk around the park it sounds great, looking at all the trees turning their gorgeous fall colors. Awesome! Simply awesome! It is that perfect chance for  momentum towards inner peace I want us all to continue not just this weekend but each and every day. For if we keep that momentum going, pressing forward and doing what we need to do we can achieve that peace – peace of mind, peace of body and peace in soul – we all strive for in our lives and which I strive for in mine.

Have a great weekend, everyone. And if you know or are a vet, tell them thank you for me, too. Talk to you all on Monday.

Day ninety-five.

Why the hell are mashed potatoes so damned good? I mean, they are only boiled potatoes, some milk (or creamy salad dressing like garlic or ranch), butter and salt. That’s all. Not very complicated at all, but then again many masterpieces are simple especially with food. And damned if that particular comination, while awesome, is also deadly. Deadly in terms of not being able to exercise portion control, deadly in terms of calories and deadly in terms of putting you in a straight-up food coma like it did for me last night.

There I was last night, minding my own business, having a fist-sized portion of meat loaf (just the right size) and delicious peas and there they were, staring at me from their Corning Ware fortress planning their attack. There they sat just waiting for me to come to them because they knew I would. Their allies, butter and salt were waiting on either flank to close in on the attack. I fell for it and they sprang into action. I added a big heaping deliciously warm lot to my plate and added butter (well, I added “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”) and salt. Oooooooooh, damn, were they delicious. But I shouldn’t have had that second helping…no matter how fun it is to eat mashed potatoes with peas. Ugh.

I am so damn lucky today because I only went up in my weight three ounces. I am at 239.7 and I must – MUST – get my ass to the gym today to workout before a couple of appointments this afternoon. For breakfast I had two small cinnamon rolls from Pillsbury (slightly stale) and I’m raring to go. But lurking in the refrigerator, gathering its forces for the inevitable attack is the dish of mashed potatoes, cold and dormant but waiting for the chance to be reheated.

Was all of that just a stupid, overly-dramatic way to say I shouldn’t have had two helpings of mashed potatoes last night because I ate too much and I fell asleep on my couch? Yes. But is it how I feel about some foods I am doing my best to control? Yes.

There are times in every food addict’s life when we all know and recognize what foods are danger foods. I have been doing great at ignoring and passing up the Chinese food lately. Not since that binge last month have I even looked at Chinese food, and I have been shopping and cooking at home consistently. It’s just that anything potato-ey is yummy goodness and I have to do my best to watch that, too. I may be eating at home but I can still set myself up for failure if I make things that are bad for me AND have them in unhealthy portions.

Today I am set in my ways and will be better. In fact the next time I write you I will have exercised AND eaten light, and that is the only deadly combination I want to face today, because it is on the good side of things. My side.

Day ninety-four.

Finally, a weight breakthrough! I checked the scale today and I am going down in my weight again. As of this morning I am 239.4. Woo-freaking-hoo! I am so excited I could…I could…workout! What an awesome way to start the day.

Although, my awesome day started with a, how shall I put it, strangely energized twelve-step meeting last night. I was so jazzed to get to the group and share last night but not everyone in the group shared my enthusiasm. In fact, one of the guys, “Bob,” shared that he didn’t want to be there. Plain and simple, and that was his entire share. I laughed and applauded his honesty after the meeting, however I was jazzed and this is why…

…Last week I went to see my therapist and, in our session, we got to talking about being caught in patterns of addiction and how thay can not only take over your life but also destabilize you as a person. I went into my past patterns and habits and how I am working every single day to change them and he said something to me I will never forget. he said, “Bill. I wake up every single day and say to myself that I’m not going to let anything take away my peace.” Those words floored me because there are two things at work. One, I now know what peace is and am living it day after day. Two, and most importantly, that I am the one with the control to continue living that peace. That, or the power to allow something to destroy that peace.

It doesn’t matter whether or not you are addicted to food, all addictions run the same. You can lie, cheat and shame your way into a situation that puts you on an endless treadmill of self-destructive patterns and believe me, that ain’t the good kind of treadmill that helps you lose weight. No, it’s the kind of wheel that just keeps turning, like a mouse does in its cage. You just keep spinning your wheels going nowhere fast.

Peace is such a fragile gift in this world and finally having a grasp of addiction and all its “evility” (yep, that’s right, I made up a word and I love it and will use it often to describe many things – and people) helps me maintain my peace, for it is I and I alone who is responsible for it. For example, I am the one who ultimately decides what I eat or not, how much I ingest and how much I go tyo the gym to workout to keep the weight off. It is just that simple. That is what so many of us don’t seem to grasp. It’s not up to, say, infomercials to sell us the latest weight loss suppliments, 5-Hour Energy drinks, equipment and videos that will somehow magically transform us. We must transform ourselves. We are the ones with that power and we control whether or not we have it or not.

Today, I finally am seeing results of me cooking and eating at home and it feels great. It really does.I am finally getting a hold of my life and turning it towards the positive. And each and every day I am doing my best to ensure that I maintain my peace and I do not allow it to slip from my grasp ever again. That goes for all aspects of my life, weight loss included. I do not want to buy anymore clothes unless thay are smaller…or for my upcoming 19th anniversary of my 21st birthday.

Have a great day, everyone.

Day eighty-eight.

So I survived another day of not eating too badly. After my breakfast yesterday of french toast (only two pieces) and some turkey sausage (only two patties) I had a bagel with butter for lunch (as I didn’t want to eat too heavily before going to martial arts training – but more on that later) and for dinner had this rocking cinnamon chipotle pork chop with apple salsa dish for dinner complete with a side of sweet potatoes. I even resisted the urge to have seconds and saved the rest for din din tonight. I am also down another three ounces today and I will take each and every one of them, so at 240.2 I am as happy as an achy clam.

Why am I achy? It’s my own damn fault, really. I hadn’t been working out and stretching like I should and Sensei Doug really gave me a great workout yesterday. I am not being funny, either. He gave me an awesome workout that left me feeling…well, let’s just say achy breaky. Achy because I hadn’t stretched out my hip joints in days and I did a lot of kicking. Breaky because I felt like I was going to break down before even getting to my car afterward.

We started with the usual – shadowboxing and some light bag work but then went right into kicking. Kicking helps open up the hips and gives you better range of motion. It also had the effect of making you feel like your leg is like a fried chicken wing you have to break apart to eat. It was soooooo stiff. It took a while for it to open up a bit. But by then we were on to the floor exercises which take a serious toll on your arm strength. How can someone feel like a piece of broken friend chicken and spaghetti at the same time? I don’t know but I achieved it. Ugh! Man, was I in serious need of a sauna.

After the workout I came home and took a long hot shower and sat for a bit. I knew that today I’d have to stretch again but it was OK. I needed that kind of workout – the achy breaky. I always need that kind of workout and it is what I signed up for. Why shouldn’t I feel tired (exhausted), hurting and sweaty? That is what I want and that is what I get, which is why my sensei is awesome. truly. Think of it this way. When I went to college, a school I had to pay for, I went to classes because I PAID FOR THEM. Why should I ditch classes I paid for. That wasn’t smart money if I didn’t go (and thanks to my own stupid actions and the encouragement of an old girlfriend I did ditch and it took me three years to make that grade up in my GPA). In college you pay for the privilege of school and in working out I pay for the privilege of getting masterful instruction with my sweat.

That is a small price to pay, especially since I so desperately want to get into that Calvin Klein suit by my birthday.

Amazingly enough, though, I am not feeling achy breaky today. My body is good and is gearing up for a similar workout today. Yep, I’m gonna work myself out today and make myself sweat. I need it. I want it. I will have it. So on this chilly and rainy day here in southern New Jersey it will feel like the tropics to me. My weight is slowly coming back down and I am feeling better day by day. I already had my raisin toast today and will clear a space soon for myself.

I may not be the 400 pounds I once was, but still, a six-foot-one, 240 pound guy isn’t small and needs a lot of space in which to workout and continue losing weight. To be continued…

 Have a great day, everyone, and don’t forget to workout and eat well.

Day eighty-one.

Ugh. I am fighting an “attack of the lazies.” You know what I’m talkin’ about (Willis). That “come hither” call you get from your couch or favorite chair to make yourself comfortable, turn on the boob tube and find something that allows you to sink down and waste the day watching this or that. But that’s exactly what it is, at least to me, a waste. Sure, are there days when laying back and enjoying are cool? You bet your ass. But when there is no bloody good damned reason for you to be laying there other than re-watching a movie you’ve seen a hundred times then it’s time to get up and get your move on.

Yesterday, I had a great mixed martial arts session with Sensei Doug and sweated my ass off. There’s nothing like a great workout to try to get the mind right. I also ate better. Not that I haven’t been trying but I seriously curtailed the Coke Zero and cut down on the chocolate (weening is a slow process). For my efforts I am down a half-pound today (239.4) and I’ll take it.

See, getting my move on helped.

One of my problems, though, is staying “in the zone” to workout. I wake up in the morning all full of energy to workout and I find I still have to convince myself to do it later on. I mean nothing really changes in the couple/few hours between waking up and having the time. It’s just that I get lazy. That’s the honest way to say it. I just get lazy sometimes and lose the want and desire to get my move on. But I know I can’t today. During my workout yesterday my right hip (and my hips in general) were so tight it was uncomfortable to do some of the yoga stretches after the workout. That’s not cool. So today when I hit the gym (AND I WILL BE HITTING THE GYM) I will focus on stretches in addition to other sweaty stuff so that my workouts are better…

…and so that I don’t feel like a slug.

I am human and fight that vicious cycle we all go through. I want to lose weight and I know I have to exercise and eat right doing it. But there are times I don’t feel like it (and get lazy), so my weight stays the same or goes up and I get all frustrated. It is a cycle and one I try to break, mainly because I recognize it when it happens. I just need to keep that energy up to make exercise happen. So today I’m getting my ass up, getting my move on and working out. And it’s not that I am feeling bad or am hurting that bad. I am just fighting that attack of the lazies I get every now and then. That’s all. So all I need to take is two miles on the elliptical and call myself in the morning.

The lazies may be a fun bunch to hang out with. They can always find SOMETHING on television to watch, even when crap is on. But today is nice (I am sure THE last over 70-degree day we will have in Jersey until next Spring so I need to get up, grab a shower and start the day keeping in mind that the more I move the more that numnber on the scale will go down.

You hear that, you lazies? I want that a helluva lot more than a re-re-re-re-re-run of, well, anything.

Day seventy-nine.

I am back up a half=pound (238.9) and it’s not good. I need to stay away from chocolate (damn Halloween) and try not to drink so much Coke Zero (better than regular Coke, but still…). Also, I so need to workout today. I didn’t get the chance to yesterday after all because of running around I needed to do but I will today. I feel scattered today. I feel bloated. Worst of all, my “victory” pair of Levi’s jeans is showing wear and I won’t be able to wear them much longer. Bah! Hurmph!

O.K., now that I’ve gotten that out of my system I feel a bit better. I think what set me off the most was the jeans. You see, when I was a kid I found a pair of Levi’s 501 Button-Fly Jeans in a rummage sale at my old church. I couldn’t believe my luck when I bought them and tried them on. Not only did they fit and fit well they were, by far, the softest jeans I’ve ever known (to this day).

Well..as we are all fond of things because of an impression they made long ago I have always thought of Levi’s 501 Jeans as my gold standard jean so after I lost weight I dared myself to go to the Levi’s Store at a local outlet mall to try on jeans. Sure enough I found myself staring at the stack of 501s and I tried them on. They fit beautifully. Nowhere near as soft because they were new but they fit and I bought ‘em.

For the past three or so years I’ve treasured these jeans and now, thanks to me treasuring them so much, they are in need of replacing. At least they need replacing due to the standard wear and tear, not my ripping them because I was too fat (that’s happened more than once). How embarrassing that was/is. Yikes!

I think I am finally going to keep my word and keep my blog short. This way I have much more time in the gym working off these extra chocolaty/Coke pounds. Forgive me, my friends. I am just a bit out of sorts and needing to sweat a bit. That’s all. I hope you guys can get out and enjoy the day, too. It’s unseasonably warm here in New Jersey today and will be tomorrow, too. Maybe a nice long walk will do me some good…

…then maybe I can go find me another pair of my trusty Levi’s.