Determined To Succeed

Day seventy-two.

Hey there, everybody. So sorry today’s blog post is so late. I am just now feeling myself after a major (although not my worst) allergy attack. Stupid dust particles. The irony is that I got my allergy attack cleaning. Ain’t that a kick in the pants. Oh well, you always have to crack a few eggs to make that omelette and I sure did yesterday. Vacuuming and deep rug cleaning felt awesome and it looks so much better – the fruits of labor far outweighing the sneezes.

So today I am up a pound-and-a-half. I don’t know how exactly that happened but it did. When I got on the scale today it read 238.7 and I was sooooooo not pleased. Hell, I even thought the sweat I was producing while cleaning would have taken care of some of that weight but I guess it didn’t. Oh well to that, too, I guess. I will re-lose it. I have no doubt. I will just get back on the elliptical.

Getting back to cleaning for a minute, though, I have to wonder why, once we clean, can’t things stay clean for a time. Ever notcie that? Like when we dust how it seems that the thing dusted just accumulates dust again? Hurmph. Or in weight loss, why can’t we enjoy our new lower weight for a time – kind of like that time I was a kid and wanted the sky to stay that gorgeous royal blue color. I know it doesn’t but once I get to a weight I wish we could stay there no matter what. Sigh.

When I was a kid I used to watch a TV show called “The Great Space Coaster.” It was an awesome show for 8-12 year olds and had educational messages in such an entertaining format. I know if I watched that show today I would be less than enchanted but it worked at the time. Anywho, there was an episode that dealt with science and the science of entropy – how everything in the universe tends towards disorder from order. What a crazy concept but it is so true. Even the cleanest of rooms can become a home for cobwebs and a sheet of dust thicker than, well, a sheet. Also, that dust can get into things like TVs, stereos and computers making them all eventually not perform well or, worst of all, break down. And that’s just from not using things.

This is why we always have to clean.

I thought about this as I was doing that deep rug cleaning and vacuuming. How nice it is to enjoy that clean and that I better enjoy it while it lasts. But not just that but also that if I want to keep enjoying it I have to keep cleaning – dusting, vacuuming and washing. That’s the only way.

Yep, you guessed it – that’s my weight loss message for today. Weight loss and its benefits are only permanent if we keep working at them, no matter how much we want to lose weight and then do nothing else as if we deserve to be there no matter what we eat or drink. And hey, don’t shoot the messenger. I’m just laying out the truth, a truth that I, myself, have to take every single day.

My place may be clean now but small little particles of dust have already come since last night and have landed on my clean spots, damn them. And so I go back to work today making sure I let them know who’s boss. And once that is done and the rug cleaner returned I will do that for the fat cells in my body. I will hit the gym, have a great workout and sweat my ass off so I can get rid of my fat the only way I know how – hard work.

I do not want my body to ever again tend toward the disorder of 400 pounds. I know I keep saying that but it is the absolute truth. But to get there I have to now finish the cleaning I did last night and crack the final eggs and make my cleanliness omelette. Once that’s done I can go and work on myself in the gym…thinking about all the clean and wonderful fruits I get to see when I get back home. Have a great day, everyone, and don’t let entropy come and get you.

Day sixty-five.

Damn Tom Selleck! I never thought I’d hear those words come out of my mouth (well, typed on my computer) but there they are. I know you must be asking why I am damning “Magnum P.I.” so I will tell you why. Because he is so damned convincing in his “drink orange juice” spiel that I did…a whole half-gallon of it last night. That’s right. I consumed an entire half-gallon of orange juice. Ugh. I feel so wasted.

My fascination with orange juice probablygoes back to me being a kid. My mom, JoAnn Larson, and I went to our local Walgreens which, back then, had a diner attached. Well, I thought I was the shit when she ordered coffee for herself and an “O.J. on the rocks” for me. Me, her son! She ordered what sounded so grown up and exotic that I was beside myself. Then, when I got it and realized it was orange juice on ice I loved it just the same, and have ever since. And yes, on “the rocks.”

So last night I satisfied my craving for Italian food (being that it was Columbus Day) with a delicious baked ziti and Italian sausage. It was absolutely delicious but when I looked in the fridge for something with which to wash it down I saw the “tower of power,” the unopened carton of orange juice. Knowing that I have something of an orange juice craving I promised myself I’d just have two glasses (two small glasses that is). However that went out of the window so fast I could barely see it. What started out as two quickly became six-and-a-half glasses (all with ice) and before I knew it I finished the container.

“DAMN!” I thought to myself as I angrily shoved the now-empty container into the trash bin. “I shouldn’t have had all that O.J.” I went to sulk on the couch, watch “The Event” and promptly fell asleep afterward. I was in a self-induced food coma and O.J. “drunk.” I woke up this morning a full pound over where I was yesterday and I am soooooooo not pleased. Not one bit.

Damn you, Tom Selleck.

O.K., I can’t really blame Magnum for my “drinking problem.” Despite the fact I’ve been doing really well staying away from regular Coca-Cola, orange juice will always be my downfall. I even looked up how much I drank. I consumed the entire carton of Minute Maid no pulp orange juice, which contains eight 8-ounce servings, each with 110 calories each. Yep, that means I drank 64-ounces of orange juice and 880 calories – JUST BY DRINKING. Grrrrrrr.

I know I know better but it does just go to show (and show me) we need to watch the calories we drink. I am still in shock over the whole thing. Of course there are things in the world that are so much worse that drinking that much O.J., but watching my weight and calories and what I ingest is critical to not only my health but my future. It is at once both health-related and economic (since I didn’t spread out that purchase over several meals as I should have). And can I just mention my weight again…

Well, as I am always fond of saying (and believing) today is another day and a chance to right the wrongs of yesterday. Addictive patterns run deep in me, that much is for sure, especially with food and drink and I am the first to admit I am addicted to food and not in very good ways. But I will pick myself up again and keep moving forward. I will get to the gym today and workout. I will NOT consume as much as I did yesterday. I will be better. I have to be, especially since the guy who originally was chosen to play Indiana Jones is telling me to drink 100% pure orange juice…

…with credentials like that, his smoking of cigars aside for the moment, how could “Magnum P.I.”  be wrong?

Day fifty-eight.

Woohoo! I continue my downward trend in my weight loss! Today I am at 240.2 thanks to just getting back on the horse. It may be raining outside but that’s doing nothing to dampen my spirits about getting back on track, and I am doing it with the help of some laundry that I very much needed to do.

C’mon! Admit it. There are times your laundry pile, well, is piled so high it might as well be called your laundry mountain. Am I right? We get through the week (eve two) not wanting to just get down and dirty with your down and dirties. Whether you hate folding, ironing, hanging or just the chore itself because it’s a pain in the ass to keep going up and downstairs laundry is actually very helpful when it comes to focus, determination and, most of all, achievement.

I love doing laundry. I love separating out the loads, stain-treating shirts and getting the piles to go into “the drink” for a must needed bath. But the part I enjoy most is the folding. When I was much younger (like around 20 or 21) I had the most rewarding job of my life working in a hospital laundry. There was such a simplicity to that gig. Yes, we folded literally hundreds of sheets and pillow cases every single day but it was beautiful in its simplicity AND it helped people. It was my way of contributing to the medical profession and the well-being of others. It was awesome and I will forever miss that job.

Today, when I sit and fold I either turn on a good movie or listen to some music and just lose myself in the chore because I get such a feeling of accomplishment when I am done and I see my piles of laundry, all neatly folded, ready to re-take their places in drawers, in closets or on shelves.  It’s great “me” time that reminds me so much of how just sitting down and tackling the work gets it done, and how it looks and feels afterward is a fruit of my labor.

That is what today is going to be devoted to, I think. My literal and figurative piles of laundry. Being all caught up in one’s own life “stuff” can mean that things get put aside, like taking care of yourself. But you have to keep taking care of yourself no matter what is going on. It may seem silly, even selfish, but if you don’t no one else will. The laundry ain’t gonna fold itself and put itself away. You have gto do that. The weight you (and I) need to lose won’t come off by itself. WE have to get to the gym, workout and eat better to lose it. Not to mention the fact that, while not burning that many calories, it burns calories while you’re doing it.

I know I geek out over strange stuff, usually “Star Wars” or other pop-culture fare, but laundry (and weight loss) is something I definitely get excited about. That’s because I see the commonality between the two. I choose to see how one is just like the other (or as Yoda would say “only different in your mind”). It may have been awhile since you attacked that laundry pile (or your exercise routine, or your better eating habits, etc.) but it’s time to start folding. Before you know it, your stack will be done and it will look great after all your hard work and effort.

Not to mention you’ll have lots more to wear when you go out, even on rainy days like today.

Day Fifty-seven.

Did you guys ever watch “Lost In Space” when you were a kid? Of course, I wasn’t around when the original 60s show was on the air but I did catch them in reruns throughout my childhood and remember, very vividly, Dr. Smith, the mischievous stowaway (and comic relief) whose favorite way of complaining was to say “Oh, the pain…Oh, the pain…”

Well, my friends. Oh, the pain ! Do I ever ache today! And today is way better than yesterday!!! My sensei, the awesome Doug Shaffer, warned me that the first mixed martial arts workout back from being out for a bit was going to hurt. But, damn!!! He didn’t warn me my legs were gonna burn and feel like spaghetti for two days straight! Well, O.K., he actually did but I keep telling myself it’s a good pain (and I know it is). It’s just a bitch when I am trying to get back into the routine and my muscles ache like when I first started weight loss and martial arts fitness months ago.

It started out just as I expected. My body needed serious warming up. Sensei Doug invited me to come a few minutes early to check out the adult karate class going on as a sort of dual “get inspiration to jump back in”/”see some of the things we’ve learned put into use.” That was very cool, especially since I learned a neat block a potential clubbing move. Anywho…the time came for me to take to the mat and I started my day.

Sensei went easy on my to begin with, just some light punching of the bag, followed by kicking. But that’s when things started to get rough. We did line work, we did tricep dips (how I struggled to get through my usually good 20), we did push-ups (at least I did ten really good, almost full push-ups), more line work, ab rocking and kicking, more punching, more kicking, Turkish get-ups, lunges, the four corners…and despite the awesome stretches after it was enough to turn my limbs into little more than useless linguine. By the time my hour was over I was sweating but I could feel how much I hadn’t worked out…and how much I knew I was gonna feel it later.

Later that afternoon I took a really long as-close-to-hot-as-I-get shower and that seemed to help. “Seemed” being the operative word. Little did I know what was in store for me yesterday…

When I woke up it was as if I was being weighed down my a ton of bricks that burned my arms and legs (especially my legs) every time I tried to move. Oh yes, I felt every minute of that 60-minute workout. I know I’m gonna be a great old guy one day because all I wanted to do (besides moan and groan) was to sit in a nice comfy position with the greatest invention ever – the heating pad – and just not move. In other words, I sooooo wished I had the power of telekinesis (or the Force) to call things to me.

But, it was a good pain. It really was. One of the things I knew during my workout, besides that I knew I was gonna hurt) was how much I missed doing it. How much I missed being on the mat, hitting the bag and making myself sweat. Did my abs, arms, back and (most of all) legs hurt? You bet your ass. But it’s supposed to hurt. That’s why the word “work” is in workout. It is work but it’s work you put into yourself and that always feels good.

Today’s blog is late (and so sorry about that, loyal readers) due to a dental appointment today. However, I am going to try to make it to the gym later to begin my normal workouts again. Why? Because I am down to 241.0 today and that feels awesome! It’s better than the 243.3 I was on Friday and it’s better every day. So I can’t wait to hit the gym to do some elliptical work, as well as some extra tricep dips to catch myself back up. Yes, a workout hurts from time to time but always remember two things…

…one, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…

…two, pain is only temporary. Quitting lasts forever, and I sure as heck ain’t gonna quit my weight loss journey. No matter how much I feel my thighs burning from lunges today.

Day fifty-four.

Ah, the smell of fresh air. At least I can breath a little better today. And my energy level is up, too. Both awesome things after the past few days of dealing with a cold. I even ate really well yesterday. I had a reduced-fat blueberry muffin and coffee (extra crunch) from Dunkin’ Donuts, for lunch I had a bagel (not great but better than fast food) and for dinner I had steak and roasted potatoes. Damned tasty if you ask me. Amazing what resting does – it so helps get the body, and the mind, right again.

Today is the start of the weekend and the start of my catch-up time, taking care of things I couldn’t take care of because I was sick. Laundry, errands, writing, cleaning…all parts of life that got put on hold. I ended up not eating salad yesterday because I thought I needed a bit more protein than that and I was right. Even this morning I had the leftover steak along with some eggs to give myself a protein boost as I start my day. Also, tomorrow I restart taking my mixed martial arts classes. I haven’t been in a while and I know tomorrow’s class is gonna kick my ass, but that’s cool. According to my sensei, Doug Shaffer, the first one back is always a hard one and he should know. He’s been kind of under the weather, himself. So tomorrow’s class should be fun for us both.

But it is the weekend and my mind turns to getting back into routine. I am up in my weight and I can tell because I feel sluggish, bloated and bulky. Ugh. But I will get back on that horse starting this weekend so I can get to my goal of 225 again. I know I just need one good sweaty workout to get my mind back in the game. Until then I will do what I can to focus and continue eating better (and lighter).

You know, as we all enter the weekend and play catch-up time in our lives remember to make time for yourself. On my journey these past fifty-four days I am discovering, more and more, who I am in all of this. It turns out I like who I am, especially after peeling away the bullshit of addiction, bad behaviors, bad habits…everything. It is so great to remember joy and happiness, motivation and humanity. It is awesome. Very much so, it’s like that breath of fresh air I mentioned earlier.

When it all comes down to it we have to take care of ourselves. I used to have this phrase I employed in relation to politics, specifically the presidency, that I think applies here. I said that we need to be strong at home before we can be strong for the world. And oh, how that is true, and it applies in so many facets in life. A person needs to be strong in himself (and over his common cold) to be able to get back in the game and help others. A family needs a good foundation so that it can donate time and energies to volunteer projects and causes. And even the President needs to have a strong and fortified domestic policy and strong economy so that we, as a nation, can help other nations around the world. I mean it just doesn’t make sense to help others when there are people starving, sick and uneducated right here.

O.K., enough of my soapbox. The point is we all need a breath of fresh air sometimes. It doesn’t matter if we are getting over a cold or just need a break from the routine. We all need that air because we have to be strong to take care of ourselves. Once we can do that we can handle what life throws at us. And not only that, we can appreciate the blessings we enjoy every day including our continued better health and weight loss.

So tomorrow I will sweat my ass off again and start, once again, re-re-re-re-losing the extra weight I’ve gained. Afterward I will look up and thank God and my mom’s spirit and the universe for the strength to be able to do those things and not take them for granted anymore. Times a wasting if you do. Because in this thing we call life, if we don’t take care of ourselves and do right and better by others, we will find we have precious little time left to enjoy life and those breaths of fresh air.

Have a great weekend, my friends. Talk to you on Monday.

PS: Don’t forget to workout. I will, too.

Day fifty-three (and day two of my cold).

Hey there, everybody. I am in day two of my cold. Ugh again, although not as ugh-y as yesterday. My brain still feels two sizes too big for my cranium and my eyes feel like bloated pin cushions. Other than those things, and my general lack of all things even minutely related to energy, I am doing OK. But I ate like absolute crap yesterday, though. I guess I did what I was supposed to do, meaning eating to “feed a cold,” but I hate that often when we get sick we eat what sounds good instead of what is good.

I started out the day doing so-so. I re-heated some beef fried rice and part of a leftover egg roll. Mmmmmm, the breakfast of champions. Then, as the day progressed (and my dosage of Tylenol increased) I ate a can of Hormel chili. It was hot and good and felt even better on my aching throat. But then the inspiration hit me (and my taste buds). Strawberry ice-cream. Man, not only did it sound good but it’s what I couldn’t stop thinking about all yesterday afternoon. Damnit…

I did my best to resist but it was just too much. So, I finally took a (much-needed) shower and headed to the store. I was lucky my ice-cream was in stock and I took it despite the absolutely insane convenience store price. Sigh. I got back home and slowly devoured it, allowing chunks of the frozen goodness to coat my throat on the way down. Man, I wish they could bottle that. I would have bought that instead.

Later on, I ended up having my throat go back into hurting mode so I had some hot and sour soup and a couple of egg rolls and, yes, another delicious pint of strawberry ice-cream. In no way, shape or form the healthiest meal on the planet. Shit, far from it. But two important things. One, it sounded good and when you are sick you should eat what sounds good. Two, the hot and peppery taste of the soup helped my throat, as did the ice cold goodness of the ice-cream. So can I write off ice-cream and Chinese food for “medicinal purposes on my taxes?” Hmmmmmm… And that was my night, laying on the couch flipping through channels watching bits of this and chunks of that. And you bloody-well know you’re sick when you even tune in to about 45 minutes of a movie on Lifetime. LIFETIME!!!!! Man, I must have had a fever.

Today I am up two-and-a-half pounds but that’s O.K. I will work it off (sigh) again. The best thing I can do right now if get my energy levels going again so I can fight this stupid thing we call the common cold. Also, since I feel a bit better, I’m going to eat healthier today and have salads and maybe soup since I am not quite yet up to exercising strength yet. This way I am not eating crap and at least doing better in one area so that by tomorrow (hopefully) I can get back to getting pumped to sweat and have a great workout…

…until then, there is this marvelous invention called a comfy couch and I am going to make the best use of it and the next best invention, the remote control. And even though my head still feels puffy I promise I will skip over Lifetime. And O.K., Lifetime’s movies aren’t all that bad. Hell, the crap they make for Syfy is horrible sometimes. But still, if I can’t find a decent movie on-air or on-demand then I should just go to bed, the best invention of all, and sleep. Have a great (and hopefully healthier) day.

Day forty-five.

My friends,  since I don’t know what time of day you usually catch all the blog that’s fit to type (thank you, New York Times) I will wish you good day. I feel so energized today for two reasons: one, I had a wowzer of a twelve-step meeting last night and I am down in my weight thanks to some mighty powerful positive energy and a kick-ass workout yesterday at the gym.

Let’s start with the gym…

I know I’ve said this before but I am sticking to my guns now – I am making working out my religion again. No, there is nothing that replaces God, but working out makes me feel, well, “high.” It gives me both a physical and mental boost and I got the chance yesterday to work out – both physically and mentally – a lot of the demons that had come to visit these past couple of days.  It felt good to employ much of what my sensei Doug Shaffer is teaching me about mixed martial arts as part of my workout. I did leg work and arm work. Hell, I even did roundhouse kicks and had a great day with my ever-aging hip. I did my tricep dips, push-ups and shadowboxing (which works up a sweat by itself). Also , I am eating better, too. That is the vital co-component to any weight loss, don’t forget. I am working out AND also not eating the comfort foods, and I am drinking more water. Because of that I am enjoying my new downward trend, thank you very much. Even with just a few days of recommitment I saw a 239.2 on my scale today, and I so can’t wait to hit the gym again today. Woohoo!!!!

As for my twelve-step meeting last night I have to say it was a whopper. You’ve heard me talk about my meetings before but last night I attended such a powerful meeting I just have to share. I will never betray the tenets of the meetings (meaning I will never discuss details, names, etc.) but suffice it to say I am a true believer in those meetings. They offer places in which individuals from all walks of life can  let it all out and allows people to  express themselves – whether through anger, sadness, contemplation or happiness – in the safest, most non-judgmental environments. We are all there for various reasons connected through addiction, but I pray for some of those people sometimes. I really do, especially in a world that would shun, ridicule, belittle or make fun of us for even being there. At least for that hour we are safe from all that BS, and our shame, anger, worry, resentment and misery all have company.

When I left that meeting I looked up at the sky and thanked God for the positive things and people in my life, because many people in that room do not have that going for them, and many also have other addictions they are fighting, not the least of which is food – something to which I can totally relate. That’s why I was so jazzed to hit the gym. Working out centers me. It lets me know I am putting sweat-equity into myself and doing work on myself both spiritually and physically. It helps me make “living amends” to myself and others and keeps me on the path to be that better man.

Have a wonderful, positive day, my friends. Go and conquer the world, or at least your parts of it. You are so worthy of success in whatever form, but especially in weight loss. If losing weight is your goal, go for it. I am proud of you and with you 100%. And I know this blog is rambly today and I apologize. I am still in utter appreciation, wonder and, admittedly, shock over some of the things I heard last night. And even when I might not feel O.K.  I will be O.K. We all will be because of one simple thing…we are here now, and present in our own lives and that makes all the difference in the world. And  I am going to do my best to stay here and be here for as long as I am here.

Hear, hear!

Day forty-three.

Happy Monday, everyone. So sorry this entry is on the late side today. My weekend was both good and bad. It was good because I am here and present and continue to be in sobriety (and yes, I did survive my Twinkie craving). The bad, I gained back two freaking pounds. Grrrrrr. So now I am back up to 240.5 and I do not approve one stinking bit! And you know what that means…my ass is so hitting the gym every day this week.

I also had a couple of really good twelve-step meetings Saturday and Sunday. I’ve said before how absolutely humbling they are because of others going through the same thing but yesterday’s meeting in particular struck a chord in me that I’d like to share.

In yesterday’s meeting we discussed the process of making amends to people. What struck me about this yesterday was that someone used a phrase I will keep with me the rest of my life. For in our quest to make things right with ourselves as we heal and to those we might have wronged, it is important to keep making “living amends,” meaning that no matter whether we are able to make amends directly or not (or if people even believe us or not) WE know we are on the right path and WE CONTINUE to be on our sober paths, leading good, sober and clean lives, taking care of keeping our side of the street clean of the filth that was there before.

That is so true no matter whether it is with weight loss or not. We so need to keep living the life we want to live to have the lives we want and, first and foremost, we as individuals must reconcile and forgive ourselves for wrongs done, too. When we do that we truly can begin making things right with the world even if there are parts of it that want no part in that healing. It is up to us to keep walking that path for us and no one else.

I say this about all addictions, really. No matter your drug of choice we need to forgive ourselves the past, make our self-amends and move on with today. Then, continue making those “living amends” so we never go back to being who or what we were before because we do deserve healing. And believe me, I know very well how much that applies to food, also. Using comfort food to numb things in my past got me to 400 pounds. But it’s also gotten me back to 240.5 and I need to be at 225. So what’s Bill gonna do about it? Workout, eat better and forgive himself, that’s what.

I know this isn’t an easy process. Hell, it’s far from it but we can make it and we will. I don’t know how many of you there are out there but even if only one person is reading or listening then all of this is worth it. It is worth it for the exact same reasons why a twelve-step meeting will take place even if there are only two people in the room – the group leader and someone else. Because someone is always there to understand what you’re going through and is there to support you in whatever recovery you are undertaking. That’s huge, especially knowing how hard kicking any addiction is.

I don’t have very much I want to share today except that, my friends. That you are not alone and to keep on even if it seems like you are alone because you are not alone. We stand together determined, which is why I chose the website name I chose. And don’t forget to forgive yourself. Put the past behind you and step forth onto a new path. It is scary but it is the best thing you can do for you, and you are the most important person in the world.

Day fifteen.

It’s a bright and sunny day today.The sky is clear, absolutely clear and the rest of the day lies ahead. How many times did I say that to try to look at the day optimistically? To make the most of the time and beauty in a day? Many, many times, I know. And there were times, especially in my weight loss, where I did make the most of that time, like when I made time to get a workout. But in my addiction that gradually regressed until many of my days were pissed away with me only doing the bare minimum.

I attended my fourth twelve-step meeting yesterday and my first direct appointment on Saturday, and both were great at helping cut through the stuff and get to the core of what brought me to this point.  It was the fear of not being liked and it was that fear that truly got me so far away from who I was that I lost sight of me for a long, long time…and made me eventually lose sight of my religion, as well.

When I say religion I do not necessarily mean going to church and praying, although there is a component to that, too. No, I meant my religion in terms of taking care of myself and working out. These past couple of weeks have truly challenged me into acknowledging how much I let that slip in all this. I am a believer in God. I know there are many variations of higher beings out there for many different people and beliefs, and that’s cool. But I do believe in God and as much as I haven’t attended actual church I stopped praying at the alter of the elliptical, free weights and leg presses, too.

This last week specifically I have been making that time to reconnect with working out. I added in at least one hour every day solely dedicated to hitting the gym. And almost every day last week (save for one where it was unavoidable to not workout) I got my ass back to the gym to not only supplement the martial arts training but to get back to my core, the man I want to become physically, too. And it’s working. It really is working.

Like I said attending the meetings has been such a wonderful thing in so many ways, but it also serves as a reminder that I do have an obligation to restore the healthy in my life and to strive for that every single day because some people cannot or do not have the strength to do that. The meetings are the great reminder of one’s core gifts, and while we are all the same in that room you can tell, just tell, who is O.K. coming out of a meeting and who is holding on this/close to losing it all.

I came that close. I really did. Everything that’s happened has brought me to a point in life where I not only really face me for the first time but also deal with what’s really going on inside, what really made me act this way. I am actually excited again about things, among them going back to “church.” My church. The church of the gym and of fitness. The only thing I did right all this time was lose weight and I have to keep doing it right if for no one else than myself. But also for you guys, too.

We all lose our way. I know we do. In the twelve-step meetings they explain how there is no shame and no judgment. Just a way to connect with people going through the same stuff so you do know you’re not alone. The same can be said for this blog. I am human. I’ve always said that. I slip up and eat shit I’m not supposed to and there are days I don’t feel like working out. But there is no way we will get the results we want until we address our stuff and get to work. Not just physically but mentally, and not just mentally but physically. Plain and simple.

These past couple of weeks, part of what’s saved me and made my mind free is that exercise, the actual sweating, kicking and hitting a bag, doing six push-ups kind of exercise. Also, part of what’s saved me is the actual going to the gym by myself and hitting the elliptical, doing my kicks and punches in there, too, my tricep dips and my crunch turns. That is awesome. I am glad to say I am getting back in touch with religion. I know we all don’t believe in God, or a God, or even have something/someone to whom to pray. But that’s alright. That is a very personal thing, and it’s for each and every one of us to find whether we pray at the alter of the Lord or pray at the alter of the gym.

Thankfully, these days I’ve been doing both.

I feel like such an old man today. Here I am sitting in my Family Guy/Stewie Griffin pjs, eating my morning cup of oatmeal and nursing a sore hip with my awesomely wonderful heating pad. Hurmph. If I wasn’t sitting at this computer right now knowing I’m only 39 I’d swear I was already in “the home” waiting on Julie McCoy, our cruise activities director, to tell us what light-on-the-dentures lunch we’ll be having while watching reruns of “Golden Girls,” “The Beverly Hillbillies,” “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” or “Happy Days” on that newfangled light box called a television tuned to Nickelodeon.

O.K., maybe I’m exagerating juuuuuuuust a little bit (although I’m going to make an awesome old dude one of these days – WAY in the future) but I am not kidding about the pjs, oatmeal and heating pad, which I needed yesterday after my martial arts workout. Please understand, my hip has always bothered me and I think it’s just the fact that I am working it out so much that it reminds me “hey, Larson! Yo. I’m here!”

But for some reason it really started to get stiff on me despite the wonderful yoga stretches my sensei has me do at the end of my class. Who knows? I might have just been sitting in an awkward position or moved it wrong. All I know is I was praising S.I. Russell last night and still am.

What?! “Who is S.I. Russell?” you ask? Well…in 1912 an American inventor named S.I. Russell patented the world’s first electrically heated warming pad. These particular heating pads, nothing more than a rather small piece of fabric with insulated coils used to heat the interior, were created for a quite specific target consumer base. Russell saw the necessity of heating the chests of patients with tuberculosis who were reclining outdoors. The outdoor air was something that patients with tuberculosis absolutely needed to help along their convalescence, but that same air could often become too chilly. Step in Mr. S.I. Russell and suddenly the problem of the cold air became a thing of the past.

This dude is my hero, and hero, I’m sure, to gajillions of people all around the world who need a little extra warmth or who, like me, need to put some heat on a sore hip.

Yesterday’s workout was awesome as usual. We worked more abs and for some reason my arms are sore (they so felt like spaghetti after the workout yesterday), but it is always well worth it. I then hydrated on water and orange juice (I know it has a lot of calories but I wanted something sweet and not a soda) and rested on the couch. But then old man-ness hit me and my hip started hurting. Ugh! So I placed my false teeth in the glass of water on the nightstand and turned on my trusty heating pad.

It feels much better today, and very much so. Although I’m going to have to do some yoga stretches to help loosen it up a bit so its not stiff today and for tomorrow’s second class of the week.  And since I’ve already had my energy-filled cinnamon oatmeal today I’m rarin’ to go. In fact I’m already thinking about grilled chicken and a veggie for lunch after I get more stuff done…which does mean getting out of my Stewie pjs and actually becoming an adult to start my day.

This hip, though, reminds me of being active for really the first time in my life. This period of weight loss has helped me extend my life and my quality of life in so many ways. Depending on your physical abilities right now and/or your level of activity you can add years, too. You are every single day you go for a walk, do sit-ups, anything. It’s awesome, and we have lots of summer and warm days left to be able to get out and enjoy things before we all get ourselves inside for the winter (yes, next to our heating pads)

Hell, I may never know how many years I’ve added to my life because of it but I do know I am able to do way more stuff now which makes life that much fuller, more fun and keeps “the home” that much farther away than it was when I was 400 pounds – if I would have even made it there at all. And with my hip being warmed I’m getting myself psyched for tomorrow’s martial arts class.  I may know (and feel) my hip today but it means I’m alive and enjoying life – and that’s a feeling that makes anyone feel eternally young.