Determined To Succeed

Did any of you ever watch “Seinfeld?” The NBC show that ran for however-many seasons was famous, in part, for being the “show about nothing.” Jerry Seinfeld even said so. And it was. It was so popular because we enjoyed watching these neurotic New Yorkers getting into silly crap with no special overall meaning at all. Again, a show about nothing.

I fell like that’s what my blog is today. The “Seinfeld” of blogs. Even though I haven’t watched that show since it went off the air (and won’t now, even in reruns, because of the racist tirade of one of its stars, Michael Richards), I totally get why a show about nothing was so popular.  Ugh. This is one of those days where I don’t know what to write about. I’m sitting at my computer looking  out of the stop sign-shaped window next to me, staring wishfully at the sky as if the inspiration would fall from it. But alas it doesn’t and I sit here trying to rattle enough of my marbles (at least the ones I got left) trying to think of something. I guess I will update you guys on stuff going on. So let’s go to the diner, take our usual booth and kibbitz…

I’ve been eating OK, lately. Not great but OK. I know I eat out way too much. Even though I tend to get the healthier things on a menu I need to just buy stuff for myself and cook it. Not only would it be cheaper in the long run it would also help me calorie-wise. Maybe that’s why “Julie & Julia” has been on cable so much lately. Maybe it’s a sign or a gentle nudge from mom, “get your butt to the store and buy some groceries for this house.”

And it’s not that I don’t enjoy cooking. I do. I like cleaning off a space and putting all the ingredients on it, like I’m the host of a cooking show talking to the chairs in front of me telling them what I’m about to prepare. And while I am not the best cutter-upper I do love how things look all mixed up in a bowl or pan, especially when I know it’s going to make something yummy for my tummy. O.K., O.K. I’ll get my butt to the store. Especially ’cause that means I get to make that good chicken recipe I told you all about a while back. Cool! Or maybe I’ll make a soup so good the Soup Nazi will be jealous?

A bisque, perhaps?

Nah. He’d just look at me and say “no soup for you” and kick me out of his store. And was that the “bon bubble-pop bubble-pop bown bown) of the “Seinfeld” theme I just heard in the background? Weird.

Anyway, I am going to be starting a different kind of strength training and conditioning beginning next week, that’s when I start seeing martial arts and self-defense expert (and friend) Doug Shaffer who’s going to start whipping my butt into shape (at least I hope so). I am at this “battle of the final ten” (AGAIN!) and I so want to lose those ten. I think martial arts will be good for me. It will challenge my body in new ways to help me lose weight, be leaner and will expand my mind all at the same time. Of course I will let you guys know how it goes. I also need to get my butt to the gym, too. I am so feeling the need to do the elliptical today, and it helps that I go during the day when no one is there. Yeah, that will be good.

And it’s the weekend. I haven’t been too worried about weekends in a while, especially since I am trying to be more Zen about things and not get so upset about an ounce here or there. I just know I have to watch what and how much (ESPECIALLY how much) I eat and I will be OK. I so plan to be down another pound by this time next week. And I will so do a dance of joy when I get back to that goal weight (but not like Elaine, who can’t dance to save her life).

Well, there you have it. I may not have their famed Superman appearance somewhere in every episode but it’s what I got today. There are XYZ number of stories in the naked city and today I’m one of ‘em. And while I am not trying to back into a parking space here or yada-yada something there I am doing my best to keep on this weight loss journey the best I can.

And that my friends is totally sponge-worthy.

It’s almost the end of May, 2010 (do you say twenty-ten, two-thousand and ten, oh hell, I don’t know) and it was this time last year that my mom, JoAnn, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on May 24, 2009, was lying in a hospital bed dying from that dreaded bitch disease. We were seeing doctors who were trying to make her comfortable and having the difficult conversations about pain management, transferring to hospice and how much time she might have left. If you ever want to know what a really hard conversation is look your wonderful, beautiful mom in the eye and answer her “we’re in a bad way, aren’t we” question with the honest, brutal and damning truth…”yes.”

During the eighteen or so days it took from her diagnosis to death, and in the days after, before I returned to South Jersey, I gained 20 pounds back of the 175 I lost. It was not only easy it was tremendously easy. When you sit in a hospital room all day you might entertain ideas of eating better, healthier and less but that quickly turns into nervously eating shit. There are moments of boredom, fear, dread, sadness, humor, anxiousness, relief…every emotion under the sun. What does it mean? It means your adrenaline has kicked in as the one helping to provide comfort and care and you eat, at least I did to help calm the storm.

When we transferred Mama to hospice I knew it was the end, and so did she, but at least the room she was in wasn’t some cold, antiseptic and functional place. It was warmer, more inviting and soothing and a much more  fitting place for my sweet Mama’s spirit to spend its final days inhabiting her body on Earth.

In hospice, I kept eating. This time I had the comfort of having pizza from Al’s Italian Restaurant and Pizzeria which was mercifully close to the hospice place. Ironically, what made this pizza awesome was the fact it tasted just like the pizza my mom and I had when I was a boy. I had this pizza twice in the six days we were in hospice. I needed it. I welcomed it, like an old friend come by for a visit after twenty years…and we had some catching up to do. I needed a taste of my childhood during those moments of fear, dread and sadness.

I just wish that taste could have come calorie- and fat-free.

Why am I telling you guys all this on a beautiful Sunday morning? Because the countdown has already begun to the last “first” I have to face since my mom’s passing, the actual one-year anniversary of that day, and slowly but surely I have been stress eating again. I can tell you it has been mostly subconscious, eating a few extra things here and there. But that is no excuse. I still get my sweet cravings at night and I feed them sometimes with good things, sometimes with bad, and my weight is slowly creeping back up because of it. Not to mention the silly, stupid dreams I have because I eat late at night (but that’s a whole separate blog post – and one for which you’d need a strong drink or cup of coffee because my dreams can be really strange sometimes).

In trying to be Zen about losing this remaining last ten pounds, which is now eleven-and-a-half, I have said many things which I need to start saying to myself. I do forgive myself this weight. I will re-lose this weight. And I know WHY I am re-gaining this weight. Those things help me, they do. I just need to listen to them and fight my way through this.

Every day I start the day the exact same way, with the blank page. Every writer starts with one, every person starts with one. Each day is what we make of it. Some continue the events of the day before, some bring about new circumstances. But all of them have a component of choice to them and it’s that choice I need to remember as June 9 gets closer and closer.

I swear to you all I will re-lose this weight. I swear it to myself, too. And that, my friends, is the first line on my blank page for today followed very, very closely by my second line…

…Mama, I love you and miss you and your voice very, very much.

Download This Episode

Hey there, my friends. First I have to say I am so sorry about yesterday. I do not know who that drunk guy was who hijacked my computer and started telling stories about me drinking and carrying on and such at – what do you young people call it – a party.

Alright, alright. You caught me. That was me, and I have to say that after taking my medicine, literally and figuratively, I am back from the undead and back to form (at least I have most of my mental faculties back with no pounding headache). As for the rest of yesterdayI think I ate OK. I had a chicken sandwich for lunch and a turket burger for dinner (they both sounded good to my rehabbing brain). I just have to keep this good eating momentum going as I get ready to tackle me day in New York. Yep, once again I find myself in New York City, The Big Apple, the city that never sleeps, for Book Expo America, the nation’s largest – you guessed it – book fair, where hundreds of agents, publishers and authors gather to tout and find the next “big thing.”

However, between walking the walk and talking the talk I am worried about what they will have to eat at this thing. Sure, there is a food court but I know I will want to eat healthier than that. Hmmmmm. I guess I will find out when I get there.

I think of it as the little angel on one shoulder and the little devil on the other.  I know my workout today is going to be walking the floor of the Jacob Javtz trying to schmooze people, something that could potentially burn me lots of calories. That is the angel. Making the most out of the situation. Knowing I will get in a workout through walking and trying to eat as best I can.

But I know lately I have been distracted, nervous, worried, anxious and concerned about life. And when that happens I stress eat and it’s those calories that offset the calories I burn. That is the little devil. The little one who will tempt me to eat badly today at the convention because I am in need of comfort being a stranger in a strange land…and that I’ll be ”walking it all off.”

And there you have it. It is the eternal struggle. Good vs. Evil. Bad against Good. Healthy foods vs. crap. But despite the constant back and forth I think I find a decent half-way ground between the two. I have tried so hard to be Zen about things lately and I know I will win this ongoing “Battle of the Final Ten.” I just need to eat better and exercise. It’s what’s gotten me to this point and I ain’t stopping now.

Of course I will fill you guys in on what I eat and do (and work off). Just keep your fingers crossed for me. That the little angel wins tomorrow and I don’t get too tempted to visit the food court or my fave Halal cart.

If I haven’t said this before, I am so glad you are all out there. Knowing you are helps me so, so much to stay good. It also helps my angel’s wings take flight and puts my little devil right where he belongs – hanging off to the side by his horns deflated and defeated…that is until the next time the two meet on the field of battle. Me.

Stress. It is everywhere. It is constant. Sometimes like the air we breathe. Sometimes like the sun that rises every morning. All our lives have it in one form or another (and I’d love to have your life if you don’t) and you wake up with it like a cup of coffee in the morning (oooh, that sounds good).

I’ve been feeling lots of stress lately. You can probably tell by how I’ve been writing (and eating) I have lots going on. My video entry in the Oprah “Win Your OWN Show” contest, the upcoming live audition for that, Book Expo America (which I am planning on attending this week in New York), switching cable companies, folding laundry, trying to figure out where/how money’s coming, cleaning up, and way more stuff I can’t even think about at the moment (even my coffee maker freaked out on me, btw, and leaked water and grounds everywhere) has me anxious to do one thing – eat.

Thank God I am only keeping healthier snacks in the house these days. Some prunes (yes, prunes. And no, I am not 90-years-old. I just happen to like prunes), raisins, crackers and some granola are way better to have than candy bars, egg rolls and soda (yes, believe it or not I steered clear of Coke this weekend (well, pretty much. I had only one as a treat) and didn’t stress drink. Man! Is that even a phrase?

I have also been trying to be Zen and not so hard on myself, too (a little voice in my head tells me I have been lately a bit too much). I am trying on both fronts and it does seem to be working at least a little. But in the meantime stuff isn’t getting done, like that laundry and other life stuff.

This is one of those times I am thankful I have undergone my weight loss journey. I can now recognize when I am anxious, exasperated, worried, afraid, nervous, excited – all the emotions that would make my pop a box of Dunkin’ Donuts Munchkins in a heartbeat, or want to order some beef fried rice and egg rolls, or drink three or four Cokes to drown my worries. I may be stressed but I still have control over me and as long as I have that I am going to control what goes into my body so I can control my weight and the choices I make regarding food.

Today, I am down a half-pound from when I went to the conference which is good, and still within my “Battle of the Final Ten.” I may have been fighting this battle for a while now but it’s a battle fought on many fronts – in the gym and in life. We fight it every day. And it’s hard to resist the temptations (”My Girl. My Girl. Talking ’bout my girl…” sorry, just wanted to be goofy and break out into song) of food. It is, especially when food is everywhere. Kind of like in the movies when the hero has to make the treacherous walk/drive down a seedy street and there are pimps, hookers, drug dealers and gang-bangers lining both sides just lying in wait for the hero to step just a little off the path.

Sigh. So today I will be good. It’s all I can do. I will start this Monday with my cup of frustrating coffee (I just cleaned up the mess) and will start my day knowing it’s only Monday and that it’s OK.  I may have grounds to clean up, and laundry to fold, and a floor to vacuum, and bills to pay, and errands to run…

…but I am alive and breathing and doing OK with my weight. That is a gift and one I cherish every day. As long as I have those things I have the strength for anything.

Crap!!!! I’m so behind the eight ball!!!!

How many times do we start the day saying that phrase? A lot, I know. Even today, my weight loss blog is soooo late (and my complete apologies to you all) because I’m just returned from the conference in Atlanta and I am pretty wiped out. Enough so that I slept really late today and had to make an early appointment before I sat down to put fingers to keyboard.

While there may be some debate as to the origin of the phrase “behind the eight ball” we usually take it to mean being “in a tight spot,” or “not likely to win.” But do we all realize how much we place ourselves “behind the eight ball,” especially when it comes to losing weight? Or in life? Not enough, I’d imagine.

Recently I’ve tried to be way more Zen about weight loss. I said yesterday that I was sure I’ve gained weight at the conference I attended, and I did. But it was only two-and-a-half pounds. Not too shabby for having such a limited food selection and not working out the way I wanted to. But I know I will lose it (or in my case re-lose it. Or is it re-re-lose it?). I am just choosing to not, I repeat NOT, put myself behind the eight ball when it comes to this stuff. I am choosing not to stress out about certain things, like gaining a couple of pounds on a business trip, waking up late and having to get to a meeting before writing, because that makes me nervous and anxious and all sorts of discombobulated – key factors in me stress eating. See how that works? In other words we are, most times, not behind an eight ball at all, we only think we are.

All too often we choose not to see how much we can actually calm our own lives down. I know there are times when we think we screw up, do rash or impulsive things, worry, don’t have enough time to finish projects, meet enough people, get from points A to Z, etc. But on our weight loss journey, as I’ve always said, the number one person you have to take care of is you. You are the most important thing, deadline, task or meeting you have to do.  Most of all, it will be OK. It is OK.

This blog may be late but I am OK with that. I just know I have a lot to tackle today and I will get to it. Like my exciting entry in Oprah’s “Win Your OWN Show” contest. Like planning to go to New York for Book Expo America next week to try to get in front of publishers. Like even paying bills. It will all get done. I just need to focus, not get caught up in how many things I need to do and just do them, one by one, until they are done.

So today’s blog my be short but it’s sweet and to the point. By just calming down and relaxing I can take away my nervous “need” for different crappy foods that may be fast but are unhealthy. By calming down I can take control of my day and my life and my eating so I know I take a moment, breathe, think about what foods I am consuming and remove myself from the eight ball.

I don’t know if you all play pool or not (I do on bar occasions when one is handy and not occupied by stupid drunk people) but I like the simplicity of pool. It may take a passing knowledge of physics and definitive skill to sink solids or stripes into the corner pocket but it’s your mastery of that eight ball that wins you the game.

My friends, good morning.

It’s been a whirlwind last couple of days to be sure. Remember when I told you I lost out on a contest opportunity, and how I was having a sort of down day because of it? Well, my luck turned around and I am now in the contest and a participant in the conference surrounding it. So, as you read this, I will be winging my way to Atlanta, Georgia.- home of greens, grits and wonderful southern fried chicken (God help me).

Yesterday, Saturday, I didn’t do all that well with eating to be honest. I was in the process of getting ready for my trip and I indulged in – wait for it – Beef Fried Rice and a couple of egg rolls, washed down by some diet orange pop (soda). For dinner (which I had late because I was sooooo full from lunch) I had a meatball sandwich from Wawa (which, believe me, is very good).

Now this would be the point in the blog where I would say “grrrrrrr,” and kind of slap myself around a bit feeling guilty and mad for the food I consumed. Well, not today. Today, as part of the new Zen me, I am taking a deep breath and being cool about it. Do I know I shouldn’t have eaten a large beef fried rice, egg rolls and several glasses of (yummy) orange pop? Of course. But will I get right back up and eat healthier today and the rest of my stay in Atlanta? Yes. Definitively, yes.

That is not to say, however, I won’t be having a sample of southern cuisine. I do want some of the afore-mentioned grits (with butter and salt is best) and good greens (with hot sauce sprinkled in – yum). The fried chicken on the other hand I might leave alone. After all, a leg leads to a wing. A wing leads to a breast. A breast leads to a thigh and before I know it I’ve eaten a whole half fried chicken (which I’ve done before at my fave friend chicken joints in Chicago, Harold’s Chicken).

And, please know I am taking my workout clothes with me on my trip so I can get up early before each day’s seminars, workshops and speeches to hit the gym to do some elliptical and/or treadmill, free weights and, hopefully, the steam room. Fat and calories don’t take days off and neither will I. And I will report all the culinary treats I try while in a city I’ve never been to before.

My first temptations, though, lie not with southern food in Atlanta but with hot dogs in Chicago. Yeah, I have to fly into Chicago to connect to Atlanta and you all know what that means…

…tasty, tempting and delicious Chicago-style hot dogs.

Tomorrow’s going to be a long day. Wish me luck.

It’s not often we get to time travel. No, you didn’t read that wrong. I did say time travel…a mix between the H.G. Wells kind and the “Flash Forward” kind.

Let me explain…yesterday I had the absolute honor of speaking with the first person to sign up for my personal one-on-one weight loss motivation sessions using Skype. While we were talking he told me about how he connected with me because, in me, he saw himself. He said looking at me let him know there was someone just like him who went through the exact same thing with the almost exact same set of circumstances. We discussed foods (including our likes for certain fast foods), clothing (and the need to shop in certain stores that carry that size) and the emotions we feel – about how being overweight can act as a shield to protect us from being hurt by the stinging words of others.

While I was listening to him and his story I felt a kinship to him, too. And this is where the time travel bit comes into play. As much as he saw me as the man he wants to be in terms of clothing sizes (I now wear a large t-shirt and have a size 36 waist) I saw how far I’d come (we wears the exact same size clothes I used to wear). It was like he and I both looked into a double mirror of sorts – him peering into his future and me into the past.

It was a remarkable conversation and made me think back to a few things…

…like the fact that if my current self went back to talk to my past 400-pound self I don’t think I could have believed I would have been able to lose that much weight.

…like the fact I needed to take a good, long look at myself and see me as other saw me, the big 400-pound man I had become – the first time in years I faced reality and the cold, hard and bitter truth.

…like the fact it took me bottoming out and saying “I won’t ever be heavier than this ever again” after taking a good, long stare at my aquarium photo to really begin my weight loss journey.

…like the fact I had to say “I want to be thinner more than I want that plate and/or kind of food,” and really stick to it pushing through the temptations to reach my goal (again, applying the Zen principle of removing clutter to best see the goal).

It was also a remarkable conversation because it made me think about the present and appreciating what I’ve already accomplished and, again, how Zen I need to be about all this. I have really and irrevocably changed my lifestyle for the better and it will be that way for the rest of my life. And while I still have to make choices every day about exercise and eating right, I don’t just know the path…I am walking the path. Thank you for reminding me of that, my friend.

So today’s weight loss blog is dedicated to my new friend, my new brother on this weight loss journey. Dude, you did a brave thing yesterday opening up and talking, and now you need to take that next, brave step and look at yourself and be honest with you about how much you weigh and how you look. It will hurt but it will be OK. It will be because you got a glimpse at the future. The future you want. The size you want to be. There will be stumbling blocks, too. I guarantee that. But how you deal with them will determine your success. If you stumble get right back up. It’s OK. I’ve stumbled and I’ve gotten right back up, too. Hell, I continue to stumble (as you read here in these virtual pages) but I still get up and back on track. You are so worth the pain, effort and commitment this will take. Trust me.

I’ve always said to everyone on a weight loss journey “we are all in this together.” And my friend, we are, and you will never have to feel alone again. I got you.

T.G.I.F.! Wow, it seems like this week went fast. Doesn’t it? It seems like just a week ago I was saying T.G.I.F. And yes, that is supposed to be a joke.

As I sit here writing today’s blog I realize how little I’ve been joking. I also realize, well, agitated I’ve been sounding. It’s true. There are many time I believe that weight loss feels like a battle, scoring victories against those pesky ounces in a war that never ends. Hell, even these last ten pounds are what I call “the battle of the final ten.” But on this Friday it’s time to take down my tone a few notches and be Zen about weight loss. After all, you can’t run on DEFCON 1 all the time. Like me, you’ll go a little crazy if you do that.

When I was in grammar school at Murray Language Academy in Hyde Park I studied Japanese, not just the language but the culture, too. And both are beautiful. Mizuno-sensei (my teacher, Mrs. Mizuno) made sure we received both language training (something I sooooo need to start up again if I ever hope to go to Japan and truly appreciate it) as well as an understanding and appreciation for the culture, people and “feeling” of Japan. I was so thankful for this. It breathed life into something that could have very easily been just another class for a fourth-grader to take.

I may not have kept up with the language but I did carry the teachings with me throughout my life, including how you can appreciate the beautiful aesthetics found in the Zen art of the traditional Japanese garden. The principles of Zen have many lessons for us even for weight loss. Below are just a couple of design-related principles that govern the aesthetics of a Japanese garden I have related to our weight loss journey. Perhaps they will get you thinking in a slightly-less nervous and anxious way about your own weight loss challenges.

Kanso – Simplicity or elimination of clutter. This principle can remind us of two things in particular. One, to remove the “noise” and keep focused on the harmony of the goal. I sometimes think of clutter when too many things come crashing into my brain, usually when I am tired at night. I can’t think straight. You get that feeling at work. Too much to do. Not enough time. Too much going on. We will get to our goal. The snack aisles and their many choices represent noise. We have the power to shut that off. In the Kevin Costner baseball movie “For Love of the Game,” his character, a major league pitcher, illustrates this Zen principle beautifully when he turns off the crowd noise by saying “silence the mechanism.” This allows him to focus on the goal – getting the batter out. We can also eliminate “clutter” by getting rid of bad foods in our pantries and replacing them with fruits and veggies.

Kanso also reminds us to get rid of things like fat clothes that can distract from the journey. I have always thought this is important anyway. Why potentially sabotage a journey by giving yourself a way to go back? Remember, concentrate on the goal and let go of the past including the clutter of bigger clothes. We will get there.

Enso Fukinsei – Asymmetry or irregularity and Shizen – Naturalness. Enso Fukinsei is the Zen idea of controlling balance via irregularity and asymmetry while Shinzen is the absence of pretense or artificiality. The enso (”Zen circle”) in brush painting, for example, is often drawn as an incomplete circle, symbolizing that imperfection is a part of existence. In other words, at least to me and as I said last week, our bodies are beautiful. They may not be the perfect things we see on TV or in the movies, but they are beautiful in their own unique ways. Weight loss will bring down our weight and closer to our size goals, but if things aren’t just right (like the loose skin here and there – and yes, I, too, have loose skin) it’s O.K. And it’s also O.K. to find your own way to lose weight. What works for you may not work for someone else and vice-versa.

Datsuzoku – Freedom from habit or formula. Escape from daily routine or the ordinary. This principle describes the feeling of surprise and bit of amazement we feel when one realizes they can have freedom from the conventional. That it is possible to break your old routines and find a new way to do things. For example, I didn’t “have” to have those McDonald’s breakfast sandwiches every day, or more recently, I don’t have to have a Coke when I think I get a “taste” for one. Weight loss is about a change in lifestyle and yes, about breaking with old patterns and finding newer, healthier ways to still enjoy foods but make them better for you.

Seijaku – Tranquility or an energized calm (quite), stillness, solitude. This is the one I need the most, especially when I go off the rails and feel obsessive over every single bloody ounce. Weight fluctuates every day based on what we eat, activity, and so on. While it’s important to moderate what we eat and not make treat foods every day foods, if we gain a few ounces we will re-lose them by bringing our activities back in alignment once the bad eating situation is over. Make sense?

Weight loss is just as much about the mind as it is the body. Our mind wills us to do things, like exercise, making good and better food choices, etc., and that’s cool. This may seem a bit touchy-feely to you but I think it’s worth it to remember. Just a few short weeks ago I was dreading weekends, remember? I was so worried I’d go on a huge food drunk every single weekend and wreck whatever progress I’d made during the week. Sometimes I did but sometimes I didn’t. It’s all balance, and once I got my mind right and focused on what I needed to do, therefore “silencing the mechanism,” I was OK.

God, I hope this makes sense to you guys. It does to me. Yesterday reminded me (in more ways than one) that life does have balance. There are things going on in the world – oil spills, flooding, money issues, mean bosses at jobs – that really make you appreciate the life you have and what you’ve accomplished. And when I go off the rails like that I lose sight of the forest through its trees – that I am living the path of weight loss not fighting it all the time.

How’s that for Zen?

Cravings. What is it about them? They happen all the time, everywhere. Being an emotional eater I’ve had my share of them lately (especially when I had to drop a very unexpected $2K on my car for maintenance) and I wish I could stop. Milky Way bars, egg rolls, cheese fries, Cinnabon, Auntie Anne’s pretzels and more. As I’m writing this, I have a craving for my usual cup of extra cream, extra crunchy (sugary) coffee.

You know how it is when you get a craving for something. Don’t ya? You’re deep in thought about how to save the planet, the report you have to do the next day at work, errands you have to run – it doesn’t matter. Once that craving hits you it’s like all the other thoughts in your head all somehow lead back to that craving and you try to justify it in any way possible…

“It would certainly help me think better about saving the planet/these errands/this report if I had (insert the name/type of craving you have here) in my tummy.”

I even heard from one of my friends on Twitter today who had a taste for birthday cake this morning – even though it’s eight months until her birthday.

Lately, I’ve had one helluva craving for strawberry ice-cream. I don’t know what it is or why but there are times when I’m just sitting on the couch and all I can think about is having a pint of good ol’ bad-for-you strawberry ice-cream. The last time it hit me was just the other night. I was watching the Chicago Bulls get beaten by the Cleveland Cavaliers in the NBA Playoffs (I was also craving a little bit of home). I was sitting on the couch wondering how much effort it would take to actually get dressed, drive to the store and purchase a pint. Is that bad? OK, I know the answer to that. “Yes, it is.” But if we had beaming technology I would have been so there at the Wawa (the best convenience stores on the planet) looking over the freezer to find a pint of Haagen-Dazs Strawberry Ice-Cream.

Yum.

I think ultimately I replaced one sweet craving for another. I have done a really good job as of late weaning myself off of Coca-Cola (at least as much of it as I’d been having) so I think at night, when cravings really get bad and my cravings are strongest, instead of reaching for a Coke I want to reach for ice-cream. It just so happens that I’m too damn lazy to get dressed to go get a pint which is a really, really good thing. I have also been doing my best to be Zen about my cravings. I allow myself to have my cravings every now and then so I don’t turn into a miserable, grumpy bastard but I also control them and don’t make them a part of my every day. However, it all means one thing – I soooooo need to go shopping and get some good healthier food in the house. I need to at least follow the advice of the personal trainer, Jorge, I saw recently…

1. Apples and peanut butter is a great mid-day snack.
2. Cheat with a liquid – sugar free Jello, frozen yogurt, water ice or low-cal pudding
3. Cheat with a fat – like eating a cheese steak without the bread, wings, ribs, cheeseburger without the bun

These suggestions may not help me stem my cravings for delicious strawberry ice-cream entirely but seeing my numbers go down gradually on my electronic scale sure as hell does.