Determined To Succeed

Day Thirty-Six.

I am sitting at my computer today not really knowing how to write today’s blog. I had a great and very positive weekend this past weekend anchored by three(!) twelve-step meetings. While the one on Saturday morning was a bit different all of them grounded me in my reality now, especially knowing there are so many others who know what I’m going through (particularly with the food and eating aspect of things). However, as wonderful as the meetings were they were not the highlight of the weekend. That came yesterday morning when I awoke to the sound of softly falling rain. That moment, for me, was peace on earth.

But how do you describe peace? I don’t know, especially since we all have such varying definitions of it, but I will give it a try. Imagine you have just woken up from a wonderfully restful sleep, the kind of sleep where not only had eight hours sleep but you FEEL like you had eight hours sleep. Now, add to that rest the sound of silence, a silence that includes no street noise at all – no cars passing or horns honking. Just silence. Even the birds outside have taken a moment to take in the serenity of the moment. Now, add in the final element – the sound of rain. Not torrential rain, but a steady, moderate and softly falling rain hitting the trees and their leaves in such a way that you can almost see a rhythm to it, a pettern, as you envision each leaf as it welcomes a raindrop onto its surface.

For at least a good twenty minutes yesterday that was my world and it was the most beautiful the world has been in such a long time. If I could have recorded that to play back when I was feeling stressed I would have. The last time I felt that perfect communion with nature was when I spread my mother, JoAnn’s, ashes in the park I played in as a child. It was raining like that on that day, too, and I was instantly transported at that moment to when I was a kid just sharing a walk in the park with my mom. That was also the last time I felt whole and like a complete human being…that is, until now.

My weight is up again (I am at 240.9 today) and of course I am put off by that. Anyone would be, especially when they think, like me, they’ve been doing so well. But I know I will be O.K. and like I am always fond of saying today is the day I get back on the path of eating better, watching my portions and exercising. But the why of why I know I will be O.K. comes from being sober and comes from the fact that my mind, body and soul are all now in one place at one time and open to hearing sounds in their purest form like the sound of rain falling early on a Sunday morning.

I know there are so many of us going through tough times. I hear examples of those tough times each time I attend a meeting. But whether or not you attend meetings or not, and no matter if your struggles are only about weight loss or not, keep a hold of your peace – that one thing that brings you back to center, grounds you and makes you feel whole and calm again. It may be the briefest of moments, or it maybe stopping to enjoy a specific memory. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you have something to hold onto when you feel the noise of the world bearing down on you. For me, it happened the day I said a final good-bye to my mom in physical form and it happened again yesterday and it’s moments like that I realize what a true gift life is and how I intend to appreciate it from now on.

That is such a beautiful way to start a day and I wanted to share that serenity with you guys, especially if you have to go back to the hustle and bustle of the week. But take heart. If you are on a weight loss journey, like me, you will lose it. If your journeys are deeper, like mine, you will travel them well and bravely. How do I know this? Because I truly believe there is peace in this world and if we are open to receiving it, in whatever form it comes, it will bring us the breath we need to keep us going no matter what we have to handle in life.

Thanks for letting me share that with you this morning. I hope you have a great day no matter what you do. Just promise me you will take a moment today and listen for that peace. If you do, odds are, that peace, whatever it is for you, will find you, too.