Determined To Succeed

Happy Monday, everyone.

I might have mentioned to you guys once or twice before how much I love movies. I know it’s hard to tell, what with all my movie references and all but this past weekend got me thinking about one particular movie, the remake of “The Italian Job,” and one of it’s lines as it pertains to weight loss.

There is a big deal in the movie made about responding to the question “how do you feel” with the answer “fine.” You see, in the movie Donald Sutherland explains to Mark Wahlberg that “fine” is an acronym that stands for being:

freaked-out

insecure

neurotic

emotional

In weight loss it is so easy to get caught up in definitions of things. Heavy, light, good, bad…you know the standards. But today I want to tell you how fine “fine” really is, for you see “fine” can have at least three definitions but one of them is really O.K.

What brought all this up? Well, over the weekend I met a person who was pretty down about their weight. You could tell it in their demeanor and how they talked about themselves and others, and all I wanted to do was reach across the table and say how cool and groovy they were. I wanted to say how absolutely wonderful they were and not to be injured by the slings and arrows of others words and put-downs, especially their own. I wanted to say how the weight will be gone one day and that they were awesome no matter what their weight is and worth it enough to begin the journey.

What came out of my mouth was “you look fine.”

I reflected about that a bit yesterday because of “The Italian Job.” Believe me, I know what it’s like going through life feeling “F.I.N.E.” because I was heavier. I was always freaked out about things like my health, my escalating high blood pressure, arthritis, etc. I was always insecure because of how I knew I looked. Hell, I even made not one but two (TWO!) chairs buckle under my weight. It was awful. I was neurotic because I was always oversensitive going into situations, especially social ones, where I knew my size would work against me. Most of all, I was always emotional because being overweight always (ALWAYS) makes you emotional. I was always reminded how uncomfortable I was doing things (seats are small to begin with at a ballpark but damn, at 400 lbs they’re impossible). I was always angry and sad I was going down this road not knowing how to stop.  I was, in a word, “F.I.N.E.”

But, over these years of weight loss and maintenance I have come to realize that definition of “fine” is only one definition of fine. There are at least two more – one not-so-great and the other one awesome.

The not-so-great fine is the fine you get/feel when you think on the scale of 1-through-10 you are a 5. Nothing special. Just O.K. Like the old jokes go, never tell a spouse they look “fine.” I get it, I totally do, and I can understand how when you are “F.I.N.E.” hearing you look fine really can be a total bummer. But that’s only the not-so-great version of fine.

The fine I embrace is the fine that says I am just as good as everyone else. It is the fine that says I am doing well today. It is the fine that makes me feel worthy. It has no emotion behind it other than I am an equal and that feels good. In my weight loss journey I longed to be this kind of fine because this kind of fine represented me being just like other people and not defined by my size, food choices or breaking chairs. I “fit in,” literally and figuratively. I was seen as a person, a flesh-and-blood human regardless of weight and in those moments it was bliss to finally feel fine.

Being a writer I sometimes choose my words very carefully (sometimes I have the tact of a gladiator using a broad sword in an operating room) especially when speaking to someone I know is sensitive about weight. You sometimes have nanoseconds to choose the words you are going to say and when I say them they are as correct as I can make them at the time. So if you ever run into me and you are of-size, don’t worry if I tell you “you look fine” or “you are fine.” I know your pain, discomfort, awkwardness, emotions and longing. And when I say the word “fine” in reference to you take it not the way you think about it but the way it is truly and deeply intended…

…to let you know how cool you are, that you are just as awesome a human being as everyone else, thin or not, and that you are far, far more than the number on your scale. So sit down, chat a while and know, finally, that you really are (and have always been) one of the cool kids at the cool table.